Women Explain Which Mistakes Dads Make Raising Daughters
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked: 'Daughters of reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?'
"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine
A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.
But there's always room for improvement, right?
And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked:
"Daughters of Reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?"
Affection
"My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that."
"It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past."
"But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on."
"We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since."
"So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking!"
"I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become."
"For a while, I didn't wanna hug my dad either. Puberty was rough for me, and the adults in my life kept acting like it was just a phase."
"And I guess it was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the most emotionally complicated and lonely period of my life. The feelings weren't less real."
"My dad and I struggled a lot. He didn't know how to express himself at all, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know either."
"I also grew up with two autistic brothers who needed a lot of care and attention. I love them so much, but it resulted in me always looking out for them and never learning (until just a few years ago) to properly give space to my own inner turmoil."
"My brothers were never physically affectionate either. But once I got out of the heaviest puberty years, I did want that affection from my dad. For a while, male physical attention was a very complicated topic for me."
"A Christian upbringing also played a role in that cause as a young girl growing into a woman, it had a lot to say about how I should behave around men."
"Something important to add is that my dad's rough childhood not only made it hard to show love but also receive it. His journey started with the realization that he had no idea how to react to getting compliments."
"I think that's a thing that a lot of men (from his generation especially, but also younger ones) will recognize. Know that we are all deserving of love and kindness, especially from our loved ones, but even more so from ourselves!"
"My dad couldn't ever have grown this much without learning to really understand what that means. And diving into the withholding of love from his parents heavily impacted how he dealt with that himself."
"I'm so glad my dad and I could both grow and work through our issues. Even if he couldn't show or say it, I never really doubted his love for me."
"But I know he would encourage you all to learn how to show and receive appreciation! That man is my example for people never being too old to learn."
"I'm sending love and strength to all of you who struggle with this in one way or another."
"And to the fathers who feel like their young kids don't want their affection, just know that this will most likely change again over time. They might act like they don't wanna hear it, but keep letting them know you're there for them."
~ yuffieisathief
Showing Up
"The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me."
"He always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either."
~ katie__kat
Communication
"Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know, and never teaching it. Not before and not even after getting angry.
"Doing something you know upsets the kid on purpose."
"Slamming doors and stuff in the house because you're angry."
"Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping."
~ yoyuayu
"I'll never forget the time my dad saw me put something metal in the microwave. I don't know how old I was, but I know I needed to push a chair to the counter to even reach the microwave."
"He SCREAMED at me for several minutes about how STUPID I was and how he couldn't believe I would do something SO INCREDIBLY DUMB and was I trying to start a fire??"
"I had no idea you weren't supposed to put metal in a microwave."
"I did learn a few things that day- don't put metal in the microwave and don't do anything wrong in front of Daddy. Oh, but you won't know if was wrong or not until too late..."
~ DrScarecrow
"Didn’t have to look very far to find the description of my dad—especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house."
"People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day."
~ ouija__bored
"My dad had such a short temper. He didn't necessarily hit me, but I got spanked til I was 9 years old and then my mom told him I was too old for that."
"But whenever he was angry (and that was a lot of the time) he'd scream and sometimes slam things."
"My husband slammed his hand onto the table a couple times during fights near the beginning, but realized he was wrong for acting like that, especially seeing how I'd immediately shut down. He's gotten much better."
~ Educational_Cat_5902
Being Your Child's Bully
"Singing in a falsetto voice and poking until your autistic kid is screaming at you to stop isn’t 'fun' or teaching them to be less sensitive, it’s why they don’t ever want to hang out with you."
~ Redqueenhypo
"Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings."
"I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loooooved to mock my crying or squeaky 'upset' voice back at me."
"It made me so f*cking hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively MOCKED when I tried to communicate."
"Now as an adult I don't bother trying to share anything with them."
"Another classic was when I was disappointed and said, 'aww, man' he'd scrunch up his face, raise his voice three octaves, and 'AwW mAn!!' back at me."
"So now I wasn't just sad and disappointed, but sad, disappointed, and humiliated!"
"Imagine choosing to be your child's first bully... 😞"
~ Not_a_werecat
Just a Girl
"Or from my experience—not even bothering to teach anything because Dad assumes his daughter wouldn't be interested because she's a girl."
"Worse—actively making sh*tty jokes about women not liking those things."
~ Cinnapuns
"Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad 'doesn't have anything in common with a girl'."
"This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life."
~ Dangerous_Contact737
Puberty Isn't a Disease
"My dad basically bailed on parenting once I hit puberty."
"Like, you think I’m enjoying this? It would have been great to have another supportive adult around."
~ captain_flasch
"Same! What’s up with that?"
"I remember having a good relationship with my dad as a child but he emotionally cut me off and stopped hanging out with me when the boobs came in."
"I would be lying if I said that I’m past it and it doesn’t f*ck with my head still."
~ Pandapartyatmidnight
Know Nothing
"Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives."
"Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions—like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is—and the dads have no idea are not at all funny.
"I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me—even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years."
~ Lazylioness17
"One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday."
"Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked in the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school."
"Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t."
~ TetonsTeaTin
"When I was in 4th grade, we did a Christmas recital where all the classes sung songs. My mom couldn’t make it because she had work so she sent my dad with the camcorder."
"He recorded the wrong kid. Very awkward watching the tape that night."
~ myturtlebitme
The original poster shared their reason for asking his question.
"Wanted to add that I'm a dad of a teen and that motivated me to ask this. The replies are just heartbreaking."
"I'm reading every single reply and I really hope all the dads and parents and basically everyone is learning something."
~ Bluemonday82
"Dad of an almost 4 year old daughter with two older brothers…. I’m scouring this post like there is cash on it somewhere."
~ Feeling_Advantage108
"I’m doing the same thing, stepdad that adores both my boy and girl. Couldn’t have kids myself. Searching for gold on this thread."
~ Numbthumbz
And the daughters appreciated it.
"This is healing my younger self—knowing that there are fathers trying to do right by their young girls.
"I'm 25 now and I think if he just would have asked me how I was doing (and meant it) it would have changed me a lot."
~ Loniceraa
"Same. My father was cartoonishly selfish, strict, controlling and mostly only saw me as a pretty, obedient mirror born to reflect his glory. What I thought, felt, liked, or wanted mattered very little and we seldom had what I would call 'real' conversations."
"Reading the posts of all the good fathers in this thread has been wonderful."
"I'm so happy there are tons of little girls out there with fathers who want to know them and see them for who they really are, who want to teach them things and bond with them."
"My father never wanted to get to know the real me, which is a shame because I'm a f*cking delight."
~ insolentpopinjay
As the OP stated, hopefully everyone has used this opportunity to learn something.
Is there anything you would add?
People are attracted to who they're attracted to.
We really can't control what revs our engines.
Everybody has a type of what they like in another person and what they don't.
Well, most people do.
There are a rare few who like anyone and anything.
One big attraction issue is height, particularly when it comes to dating apps where people can exclude certain heights.
Redditor xanzznax wanted to hear from all the guys who have been unceremoniously turned away because of height, so they asked:
"What is the best response to 'I don't date short guys?'"
I just like to be the shorter one. Sorry.
But... I'm the small spoon.
Nibbles
Jim Carrey Conan GIF by Team CocoGiphy"Bite her knees."
sudomatrix
"Couldn't reach, went for the ankle instead."
Weaselot_III
No Hard Feelings
"When on Tinder I wrote my height because I know women have preferences (and some dudes will ridicule the tall woman, short man relationship)."
"When I matched with taller women who also wrote their heights, I would always ask if they where ready for this kind of long distance relationship. They always responded with a laugh, and if they didn't want to date, no hard feelings, they don't owe me anything."
Dudelison
LOL
"Adding in a non self-deprecating joke is helpful because it implies you know your height & that some women have preferences but you're still confident and you haven't made it your identity. It shows you have a sense of humor which is very attractive."
"Some shorter people have an insecurity complex and this is what gets in their way of dating compared to the actual height, and when they're like this they're typically unaware that it's their personality that's doing them in but blame it on the numbers."
Liberty53000
Is what it is...
"If a woman says I don’t date short guys it’s understandable, a man might feel a bit insecure. I’m not short but I’m skinny and I’ve had many women say things about my size and I’m still a bit insecure about it. I don’t let that insecurity become a problem anymore. I’m of the mindset that I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how I react to my feelings."
jwright24153
If we could all just "Poof" away in difficult situations.
Warning
Football Yes GIF by State FarmGiphy""Hang a 'you must be this tall to ride' sign around her neck."
Umbrella_merc
Anyways
“Okay.'"
Prfsnlclckclackr
"Exactly, if that's their preference, move on."
"Ironically, I've never been 'rejected' in this way by a woman I asked out. Only women I haven't asked out. I have had women tell me they only date tall men or they couldn't date me because I'm short, but it was seemingly random. Like, I hadn't asked them out or shown interest. It's actually kind of hilarious."
StopThinkingJustPick
Cool Beans
"Short guy here, I'm 5'4, I used to get rejected by taller girls a lot, my favorite way to deal with it was just to say thanks for being honest. For some reason they would later introduce me to their friends who were maybe my height or something. A lot of them said that when you handle it like an adult its very attractive, and while they might not like short dudes, they def have a few friends who do."
buttdocs
Move On...
"Because disliking short guys, tall girls, skinny guys, fat girls etc... is at the end of the day a matter of personal preferences. No matter how much you cry, scream and sh*t yourself about how unfair it is, it won't make you attractive to that person. Just move on with your life and find someone who'll love you for who you are."
Makalockheart
Leave it...
Amy Schumer No GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I dated a guy who was like 5'6" or something (I'm 5"4'). It super wasn't a problem for me in and of itself. What was a problem was that HE kept BRINGING IT UPPPP!!!"
halej69848
Rock It!
"All you short guys out there, I always found it EXTREMELY attractive. There are plenty of women who do. So rock the shortness, someone out there is admiring the cut of your gib!"
Hobbsy1978
Be calm in who you are.
Do you have any similar experiences? We'd love to hear about them in the comments.
Men Explain Which F**ked Up Things They're Supposed To Be Okay With Because They're Men
Why are men forced to be things they're not?
We are too far along as a society not to let the boys grow and evolve.
A good cry, a good laugh, a song, hug, a dance it out... can help anybody.
Or maybe just watch an episode of 'Grey's Anatomy.'
Redditor 040607AJF wanted all the guys out there to share how they "feel" so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what is something f**ked up that you're supposed to be okay with because you're a man?"
Gents, it's time to start healing and growing.
Go to sleep
Switch Off Good Night GIF by GunmaunofficialGiphy"Having sex whenever she's in the mood. And if I say no she thinks something wrong with her so you get pressured into doing it so she won't be mad or feel sad."
dabbiedabbiedoo
Grief
"30 year old male from India. Lost my dad 20 days back in an accident Relatives and well wishers spend time talking and pacifying mom/sister and listen to them with patience. To me before they leave- 'Now it's your responsibility to take care of your mom/sister' and nothing else."
"What about my grief of losing a parent? How do I handle it? Who is going to pacify me? Who listens to me? Without support from my wife and my friends, I could have gone insane the way people expect me to treat grief."
pgaravindhsf
Red Flags
"Depression and loneliness, as much as I wish I could say the support gotten better it hasn’t. I see the 'mens mental health awareness month' bulls**t all over social media for a day once a year but then nobody speaks about it. Being depressed or saying you’re lonely can often be seen as a cry for attention or a 'red flag' for partners."
"People on social media think posting some picture of 'We need to support our men in the world!' Is going help, it doesn’t. If you legitimately care about the men in your life’s mental health please reach out to them and ask how they’ve been. Don’t compare to them and don’t undermine them just understand them. It does so much for them."
Senior-Place-7627
“figure it out”
"The fact that a lot of men have no guidance and are supposed to just figure s**t out or just know yet people will treat you like s**t for not knowing."
DeepTalkTv
"When I was younger I was always told to 'figure it out' cause I’m a man. Every time I needed help whether it be homework, a flat tire, or something I genuinely needed help with like applying for college/fafsa I was turned away because it was my problem. Now if any family needs my help I’m demonized if I say no. Like wtf man I was taught not to bother y’all why are y’all bothering me?!?"
Mountain_Ad1797
911
Role Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy"You can ask for my help, but I can't ask for yours."
spenser1994
Leave me be...
"Some women should understand that men can be 'not in the mood' as well. I don't know why many people think that men will never say 'no.' I saw many on Twitter, sadly both men and women, thinking that men are these cartoonish wolves that will start salivating and have their eyes turn into hearts when anyone mentions the word 'sex.'"
Inevitable_Count_370
Out of the Norm
"Getting weird judgment from others for not conforming to the ‘traditional’ male role in a marriage or family. My wife is a highly driven genius, makes a great living, and loves what she does. I’m full time in the arts, and I’m not completely dependent on her, but I don’t have traditional employment or make a lot of money."
"I’ve had people in my life (especially older people) throw shade at me for not being ambitious enough or not having a real career. But together we’re doing much better than okay, and I’m probably gonna be the main caretaker when/if we have kids. I feel that if she were a man and I were a woman, nobody would question it at all."
LovesRefrain
Mind Games
"We aren't taught how to deal with emotions. (Mental health too)."
"I'm not advocating for men to be super-soft emotional wrecks, or to cry five times a week. But man I wish I knew I wasn't 'wrong' or 'weak' or 'avoiding becoming a man' just because I was sad, depressed, anxious and trying to deal with past events."
Maestroifuplz
"So many women in my lifetime have acted like I’m not a strong guy because I show emotion. I have a big heart and I’m not going to change that for anyone. But I’ve had relationships take an immediate downturn when I showed any kind of sensitive side."
Gamur
A New Leaf
Bradley Cooper Teacher GIF by Legendary EntertainmentGiphy"That If I ever finish my AA and teach preschool that I’ll be seen as a threat to children."
bahardesty
"I have known two men attempt to enter the teaching profession. My advice is don't! It really is not worth your time."
raceAround126
Oh gents, we all still have a long way to go.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
When men are hoping to impress a woman, they often agonize over the perfect thing to say.
Something which will get their attention and make them feel good about themselves, and hopefully not offend or demean them.
If they find the right words, they may likely find themselves with a new girlfriend, future wife, or even a life-long friend.
After all, finding the perfect compliment can go a long way.
Of course, this is a two-way street, and men also enjoy it when they are complimented.
Perhaps even more, and arguably, a little too much.
"Guys of Reddit, what is the best compliment a girl could give you?"
No Pretending Required
"I can be myself around you."- noah1000000999
"Whenever a girl says she feels safe around me or feels secure/comfortable makes me feel so good it's indescribable."
"Makes me feel very manly."- kipskip_
I'll Take Them All!
"Pretty much any compliment will do."- Mysterious_Drama2772
"Any..."- Sk0ts
I Want Them All Paramount Network GIF by YellowstoneGiphyThe Devil Is In The Details
"When I was younger, I had a meeting with a beautiful, slightly older woman from a different organization that I admired in our industry."
"When we were shaking hands and saying hello, she thoughtlessly blurted out, 'Oh, you're cute', then apologized and said she's not hitting on me and that she's married."
"Then, she tried to change the topic by talking about one of my recent projects, which I was surprised she knew."
"Both were nice compliments."- NoConsideration5775
Keep It Simple
"I like you."- Smirknlurking
It's Worth the Weight
“'I love you'."
"Yet to hear it but I imagine it sounds good."- Or4ngut4n
Or Just "You're Cute" In General...
"'You're cute when you're excited'."
"Still riding the high from that one, and that was 3 years ago."- JackCooper_7274
Striking Resemblance
"Girl at the mall told me I looked like Ryan Gosling."
"She couldn’t be more wrong, the comment was an affront to everything Ryan Gosling stands for."
'T'was appreciated however."
"Gonna be riding that high for the next 3-37 years"- -Praetoria-
When You Got It, Flaunt It...
"A girl at work told me another girl told her that I have a nice a**."
"She tried to keep the girl anonymous but I tricked her into admitting who it was."
"The one that told me also complimented me on my legs and looks in general."
"Feels weird being complimented on my a** and legs as a guy but I guess it's better than nothing?"- Lambesis96
It's All In The Eyes...
"A female friend of mine once told me I had 'kind eyes' when I smiled."
"Best compliment I ever received."
"I just smiled normally and genuinely, and she picked up on it."
"Man, I miss her."- midnight_reborn
Great Hair Is Hard To Resist...
"'You are hot' would be very surprising yet welcome."
"I also get "your hair looks great" a lot."- KomradeElmo0
ricky rubio nba GIF by Utah JazzGiphySetting Standards For The Future
"Back when I was 9 years old my mum's friend meeting me for the first time told me that once I grow up I will be a super sexy handsome dude all the gals will drool over."
"That didn't happen but it was nice to hear back then."- playerhamdan
Should anyone find that special guy, and want to let him know just how special they think he is, all of the above compliments are a good way to start.
The Most Eye-Opening Things People Realized After Living With A Woman
I've lived with women most of my life.
I went from my mom's house to jumping around with roommates.
But women tend to be particular.
About many things.
And there is always a ton of bathroom issues because guys can be gross without even realizing it.
A Redditor wanted to hear about what people have learned once they cohabitated with the ladies and asked:
"What did you not know or realize until after living with a woman?"
I've lived with many women. It's been... an experience.
I'll Do It!
Waking Up Sun GIF by MTV CribsGiphy"According to my wife I cannot open the living room curtains properly and she always need to redo it."
chillipotpeeps
Hygiene
"I either need to do a 1hr upper body workout to blow dry my hair, or let it sit wet for several hours while it dries after I get it wet. Plus, just getting it wet, shampooing, conditioning, and making sure I've gotten all the product out of my hair takes a good 15-20 minutes. I absolutely do not wash my hair every time I wash my body and shave or vice-versa. It just takes wayyyy too long."
RNGHatesYou
The Look
"The color of their shoes will match their earrings and their purse, and if you look carefully, will pick up the highlights of the design of their top. And that's not an accident."
"I never realized this was a manner of dressing until I saw it being assembled first hand, and then the next day at work it was like I paid attention to what my female colleagues were wearing and I'm like HOLY CRAP THEY ALL DO THIS."
LordSn00ty
It’s bizarre...
"Women are both simultaneously messier and cleaner than men. It’s bizarre how messy rooms can get with them and how quickly they can turn it around and make it clean!"
"Also random hairs everywhere, and make up stains that appear. They also have a really weird obsession with glass containers or jars."
ciregno
Heavy Lifting
Stretch Size Up GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"That she owns only one truly GOOD BRA. There is only one and part of your duty as a man is to protect The Good Bra."
If you are doing laundry, you must take the greatest of precautions to make sure it is properly cleaned, dried, and stored. God forbid The Good Bra ever turn up missing or in the wrong drawer."
"Ladies, why is there only one GOOD BRA?"
StillHereUBastards
I can't even discuss undergarments...
Build Up
"Started noticing a residue building up in the sink. It’s some kind of skin oil, but the wife insists I’m making it up."
Repressedmemoryfoam
Gotta Go
"I live with three female roommates and one night we got onto the discussion of bathroom habits. Two of the three believed that men always stood up to pee. Like if you were going number two and had to go number one you would stand up first and then sit down to finish the job. It was really funny to help to clarify men also sit to pee sometimes too."
zapp1121
Loose Strands
"When long, loose head hairs wash off in the shower, it's common practice to stick them to the wall rather than let them collect in the drain."
"If she forgets to remove them afterwards, it can be very confusing for the next person in the shower. Why are there a bunch of individual strands of hair deliberately stuck to the wall?"
Professor_Brooks
"Oh God this is me. I try to remember to pull the hair off. It's hard to get loose hairs off your head when it's wet so sticking them to the shower is kinda the only option."
Skin Issues
"I have never stayed on one thread as long as I've stayed on this one. Thank you OP and everyone who's posted. The ones about not knowing that pads stick to underwear rather than skin cracked me up, but also gave me new perspective. I mean, it makes perfect sense. How would someone who's never had to use one know if someone doesn't tell them?"
trumpeting_in_corrid
Stuff is moving...
Black Friday Christmas GIF by TargetGiphy"If they leave stuff at the bottom of the stairs, that means you’re supposed to bring it up. If it’s at the top of the stairs, you should bring it down. Also, the correct place for objects in the kitchen is where they currently reside. Stuff is gonna move around constantly, just roll with it."
I just chose to live alone. Men or women be damned.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.