Oh gentlemen, why are you so extra? When did just saying hello and you're pretty become too boring to make an impression? Guys, you need to calm down. Not all attention is good attention. You don't want to sour the possibility of love by freaking somebody out.
There is such a thing as class and decorum and they go along way, especially in this day and age.
I feel like we need a class in high school that focuses on how to communicate feelings. In particular, feelings of a more amorous nature.
Redditor u/doubleu01 wanted all the ladies to speak up and let the gents know what not to do, by asking:
Girls of reddit, what's the cringiest thing that a guy has done to get to you?
First things first... watch "Fatal Attraction." And do everything the opposite of Glenn Close; then grow from there. Learn the difference between flirting and crazy.
Ok Crazywo glenn close GIFGiphy
"Broke into my building."
"Texted my mom saying I broke his heart."
"Some guy did that to my mom too! Told her he had traveled across the country to forget about me and just needed her advice to help him get over it. He had been talking about going on that trip for way longer than that so that was almost certainty an exaggeration. Also I'd been dating someone else for over a year at that point. I'm sure it sounded very romantic in his head."
"I met a guy through Tinder, he lived about an hour from me, he got upset with me and blocked me on Snapchat after I had told him I found someone I was interested in dating who lived closer. Fast forward about a year or so later and I get a text from a number I didn't recognize. Turns out it's this guy again (we had exchanged numbers previously), the guy I was dating didn't work out so I decided to chat with this guy a little more. He joked about visiting me a bit but I never gave him my address."
"Fast forward a couple months of chatting and I'm off work to study for an exam and I get a knock on my door. And what do you know, this dude FOUND MY APARTMENT in a city he was not from AND he brought his lizard, not in a cage or with a leash or anything. Just hidden in his shirt when he walked into my apartment."
"We just sorta awkwardly talked for a couple hours, when he left he texted me and told me how pretty he thought I was and called me an "Amazon Woman" cause I'm so tall. I responded with "I didn't like that you randomly showed up at my apartment without asking" and then he got upset, said some more ridiculous things and I blocked his number."
"Some guys lack basic knowledge. Walking home from the bus stop one night - about a 2km walk to my place. As I'm walking along, I see there's a guy slowly walking slight quite a ways behind me - maybe about 600m. Suddenly he starts sprinting toward me, I think it's to catch another bus or something, but no, it's just private cars on this road."
"I try speeding up but I'm tired and frankly unsure of what's happening. By the time he catches up to me, he's like 'sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.. I say, "you really need to be careful about interacting with women in the street at such an odd hour of the night."
"He says something like, 'I know, I just wanted to talk to you.' He didn't give off too much of a threatening vibe so I kept walking and he made conversation. Thank God his house was before mine, so he couldn't figure out where I lived. Took my number, texted me immediately to see if I received his number, and then thankfully I didn't have to see him again."
People Share Which Social Norms Absolutely Baffle Them | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"Carving my name into his leg and we didn't even date or anything of the sort."
Boys, boys, boys, it's like you've never met another living human. I mean, my words are gone. I don't want to know more, but I must. So let's...
FistsSeth Meyers Lol GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Well he offered to beat the crap out of my ex on our first ever meet. There wasn't a second meeting."
the good guy
"Endlessly trying to convince me (oh, so romantic) why he was «a good guy», he wasn't.The thing is it became a huge red flag. See, I was the dumb one for not recognizing a good guy when he stood in front of me. I was to blame that he was so intense and so into me. It was my doing. His words. Oh, and then I was a c**t for not wanting to be with him. Red flags, from here to eternity. Yeah, a good guy. Sure."
Where to Begin?
"So many stories to choose from ha. A guy I thought I was friends with confronted me that he wants to be more, even though right at the start of our friendship I made it clear I had zero interest in him. Quite frankly I found him really unattractive. He proceeded to guilt me saying I'm shallow, disappointing blahblahblah."
"Said that God has a plan and that plan involves 'us'. They refused to take no for an answer and they always kept touching me even when I told them to stop, as I hate being touched due to Autism. They kept asking around for stuff about me, and said his prayers would be "rewarded."
"Couldn't seem to comprehend that I wasn't interested or that I didn't care for things that "all women love." Kept telling me how to dress and act too, saying things like "It's not what God intended. Fun fact: I'm Atheist. You can imagine they weren't too fond of that idea..."
You Don't Own MeGood Bye Reaction GIF by MASTERPIECE | PBSGiphy
"Tried to scare off or even fight any other guy that was interested in me, even though we weren't dating."
Ok, ladies, I'm sorry. That's all I got. Men, what in the name of God?! Please pay attention to this thread. It will help us all.
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Oh boy.... you boys are a handful.
In this day and age looking for love or the perfect man can be an exhausting process that feels like a fate worse then death. Everyone is so focused on the usual checklist. Looks. Charm. Job. Money. Sensitive.... and the rest of the same ole. But really the key to some hearts, probably most, can be the unexpected know how that reaches outside the box. Being a good kisser is great (a must actually) but can you groom the dog? Can you dance a jig? Maybe its time to learn. Make fudge naked? Shall we discuss?
Redditor u/oohara wanted all the boys to gather round with a pen and pad and listen up for some important tips... it was asked.... Women of reddit, what are some (unexpected) skills that make men attractive for you?
Knowing Himselfchris evans chest GIFGiphy
Does the ability to be self aware count? It's attractive when a guy owns his flaws rather than denying them or being hypocritical in an attempt to hide them.
Not just the literal going to the store and putting things in the cart, but coming up with a meal plan for the week of a variety of well balanced meals and getting it all. The mental load is real y'all.
Meal plan is easy, make 1 healthy well balanced meal but make enough to last for 5 days. I'm eating a very nice Chicken Tikka Masala this week, next week will probably be a green curry because cucumbers are on sale and last week was spaghetti because I was feeling lazy.
The Good Hubby
My husband is constantly trying to grow as a human and be more understanding and compassionate and do better. And it's absolutely his sexiest quality. He's gregarious and a natural mediator and just takes the world straight-on with an open heart.
And I look at him every single night so crazy grateful that he's my husband. We've been married ten years in two weeks! Time flies man.
adorable....shemar moore smile GIFGiphy
This isn't really a skill, but I love it when men are able to genuinely and unashamedly express when they think something is cute. I feel like it's really common to see women squealing and getting really excited over, say, a puppy or a kitten or an adorable cartoon character, but men are kind of expected to not be affected by cuteness or not show it?
Being able to take care of someone who's under the weather. It's a role that falls to women in most families so a lot of guys don't get the chance to learn. I never realized how much I'd appreciate a man who could hold my hair out of my face while I puked, then kiss me when I felt better until it happened.
Someone who can care for themselves. Take a shower, clean up your own mess. Caring for one another in a relationship is important but some guys mistake this for 'I need to find myself another mom.'
I know it says unexpected skills in the title but there are so many guys who don't seem to realize this. I just wanted to get it out there.
Baking, cooking, sewing (even just mending a button or hemming in clothing), and general housekeeping. Essentially having basic life skills that prove you are an adult able to fend for themselves and aren't looking for a second mother in a partner.
Also being able to intentionally move your tricep? (whatever muscle is connected to your upper arm near shoulder outwards facing side). That's impressive AF.
PLEASE!!!harry styles juggling GIF by One DirectionGiphy
Please say juggling please say juggling please say juggling.
Numbers and Ratios....
Maths. Anything scientific. General broad knowledge and stone-cold logic on top of it.
I also like it when a guy can dance, but this is a whole different area.
This is the hot/crazy graph but for guys. Guys can be engineers and scientists and still enjoy very normal and a wide variety of social and creative things at a pretty equal rate to the guys that are not.
Standing up to others (particularly mates) who are being a**holes. Having a strong moral compass, empathy and selflessness is seriously sexy.
Playing an instrument! ++
But honestly if they are passionate about something: whether it's art or coding or reading books,
it's all a major booster. It shows that they can be dedicated to something and that's really attractive imo.
Lips Together...ryan gosling whistle GIFGiphy
I looove it when men can whistle nicely. It seems so sweet and happy to me, like he is able to appreciate the small joys in life.
Financial sense, and (sensible) frugality. A guy who knows how to budget properly, make savings projects, and reduce spending while still living his best life is usually also 1) intelligent, 2) good at planning ahead and thinking of the future, and 3) has a whole slew of related skill sets like basic home repair, cooking, cleaning, yard work, shopping, etc. (all things I expect us to share responsibility of.
I'm never going to be the sole house-manager ever again, and I would never ask someone else to take on that role alone).
Granted, I'm a long-haul kind of person. The criteria for spotting an attractive person across the room for the first time is more what you might expect: physical attractiveness and their personality in conversation.
There are many flexible women but for men it's pretty rare and harder to achieve, so that makes it really cool and attractive imo.
Next to Godliness....
Being clean. When you go to a guy's apartment and don't feel completely disgusted, but actually pleasantly surprised by how clean it is. Hot.
The first time my friends came to do a group project, the only girl of the group said my room was too clean. This can't be real. 10 minutes of friendly argument about how a guy can clean and she still didn't believe me.
I just vroom-vroom the room before they came.
Touch my....Hair Grooming GIFGiphy
Braiding hair!! My ex could to it and it was so cool. Especially since he could French braid and its so exhausting to do those yourself sometimes.
Active listening skills.
Hearing me and understanding me is not the same thing as responding in a way that makes me FEEL heard and understood.
Edit: So I'm not gonna go through and answer every single reactionary response here trying to distinguish the difference between active listening that makes the person feel heard and passive listening.
That's what Google is for.
"helps split up the cooking"
Cooking and the related grocery shopping (especially in the produce aisle). I went through all of college through my late-twenties without ever meeting a guy who was a good cook and liked to cook. If I did, I would jumped him and nabbed him right away. Finally got married to one who doesn't do any of these things but is great in many other respects - looks, smarts, success, but still I sometimes regret it.
It's not just the whole "helps split up the cooking" thing but I'm always dreamed of having a man who cooks with me - the whole egg in the mountain of flour and kneading the dough and cutting the pasta together thing. It takes enjoying good food and wine together to a whole another level, It's not the same when I make it myself or when we go out.
Storytelling. A man who can convincingly pretend to be a character he came up with on his own in irc roleplay, or can build a world and play multiple npc's as a tabletop game master. It demonstrates creativity, thinking outside the box, keeping track of multiple things not related to oneself, and seeing situation from multiple points of view.
Anything.....Excited The Cw GIFGiphy
Anything they know that I don't know. It's really attractive when someone is an expert at something and I can learn from them.
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These men are deeply confused about women. But strangely, they only feel lost in the most trivial, minute areas.
A note to all those that were worried these comments would invite utterly toxic sexism: everything is okay here. These Redditors seem far more interested in asking about leg-shaving and parked cars.
u/grilled_tits asked, "Men of Reddit, what about women leaves you completely baffled?"
The Real Life Savers
One bag of peanut butter m&m's (not the yellow bag... the red bag) will change my wife from wanting to stab me to being a loving and pleasant woman to be around...in the span of about 2 minutes.Giphy
Manners are Everything
When we are hanging out having casual conversation then her phone rings, she answers, and the pitch of her voice rises to Mariah Carey status.
It's All About Technique
How some women can shave their legs super fast! If I shaved any part of my body that quickly I would look like Hellraiser.Giphy
Just Making Sure You Saw It
The loud gasp while i'm driving about something small lol. Like do you want me to roll the car lol
This Is, Indeed, Insane
They can carry other humans inside of them if you think about it it's WILD.
Their aesthetic sense. How did they all become armchair interior decorators/fashion consultants?
My nine year old daughter is better at picking out my outfits than I am.Giphy
"Hey, You Got a Bobby Pin?"
How is it that bobby pin companies don't rule the world? I swear the average woman must go through more bobby pins in a lifetime than oxygen.
Pairing up to go to a public toilet.
Should Have Texted Better
I've had several women give me their number without me asking, but then when I text or call, they never reply. Why do this? I like when a woman makes the first move, but it still usually turns out to be nothing.Giphy
Mind What Matters
How some women can remember the exact details of an argument we had 8 months ago but somehow can't remember were they parked their car at the mall less than an hour ago.