People Confess Why They Think Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is A Good Or Bad Idea
Why is sex such a dramatic aspect of life?
It carries such weight in our lives.
For some, there's a big debate about waiting for marriage.
Other want to know if they're compatible (both emotionally and sexually) before tying the knot.
Whether it's for religious or other reasons, this topic can put a strain on many adult relationships.
First and foremost, we do know we have to do what's best for us.
Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
No Touching
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
rlev97
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
Whatwhyohhh
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
ThrowRA--scootscooti
All Aspects
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
reidjanie
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
frecklie
Things Change
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Sithlord_unknownhost
Stay Calm
Relaxing Chill Out GIF by Talk StoopGiphy"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
1107rwf
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
PostRdMalone
Roulette
tv land casino GIF by Lopez on TV LandGiphy"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
Zerotan
Don’t judge...
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Icanicoke
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
Hiding_In_The_Back
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
nivsei15
More than talk...
Heart GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
Deaf_Witch
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
DescipleOfCorn
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Image by SplitShire from Pixabay |
I can't wait to get married; mostly because I love a good party. I also the love the festivities and joy, the open bar and the high drama.
Oh my the things I have seen at a wedding. I can't tell you how many times a friend and I have said... "I thought crap like this only happened in the movies?"
There really are some couples who you know are going to last forever and a day.
And then there are those unions when you are even more sure, are going to be a disaster from start to finish. I'd say it's all a 70/30 split... in the disaster direction.
Cheers to love. And let's get smarter about I do's people.
Redditor u/Olya_roo wanted to hear all the deets about the times many of us have attended weddings when we knew the pair saying "I Do" wasn't meant for forever, by asking:
What wedding moment made you think: "They are not going to last long"?
I once attended a friend's wedding, that was held in a pool hall. The maid of honor wore a dress that advertised Tommy Hilfiger. And the priest was drunk, as was the uncle who's "eloquent" speech went as such:
"So and So and so and so. Good luck. You're idiots. I give it less than a year!"
Packed Up
Tasmanian Devil Love GIF by Looney TunesGiphy"He ended up at the emergency room between the ceremony and the reception."
"He went out out the night night before with his sister and friends and got plastered. They had to hold a cold pack to the back of his neck to keep him vertical during the wedding photos. Marriage lasted 30 days until they had a fight, she left the house and he filled the U-Haul truck with everything but her clothes."
So Extra...
"I'M WITNESSING ONE FROM THE SIDELINES NOW!!!"
"My wife's brother just got married this past May. Bride's mother is a big DIY person and went a little nuts with extra flowers, table pieces, decorations, etc… Note I said extra, it was already decorated by the venue, she just took it upon herself to buy and add way more stuff."
"Anyway, a few weeks ago she sends my MIL (grooms mom) and email with receipts of all the extra stuff she bought ($7,000 worth!!! ) and asked that she pay half since it was technically set up in time for the rehearsal dinner for guests to enjoy. It's causing a huge rift between the newlyweds since the bride is taking her moms side."
All the Drama...
"My wife got invited to a client's daughter's wedding. The couple were both drama students. Many of the bridal party were drama students. The maid-of-honour's toast consisted of tearful declarations of unrequited love to the groom, along the lines of 'if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it's my best friend that's marrying you'. The best-man's speech was a lusty declaration of "if it doesn't work out, call me, babe... like the previous time you called me."
"Other toasts were similarly weird. A guy at the table I was seated at was a friend of the bride and said to me that he was 'this close' to standing up during the 'speak now or forever hold your peace' thing. I'm still not sure if the whole thing was a bunch of emotionally messed-up 20-year-olds, or one big piece of performance art."
7 months...
"I was maid of honour. Me, best man and the couple went into a separate little room to do the signing stuff. Bride excused herself to go the bathroom and the groom started making pretty mean remarks about her cooking (which she's passionate about) to the officiant."
"She came back, heard they were talking about cooking family meals together and gave him the warmest smile, thinking he had praised her. He scoffed awkwardly and changed the topic. That always stuck with me. He wasn't laughing WITH her but AT her, behind her back. They lasted 7 months."
But Before...
GIF by AminéGiphy"Wedding videographer here, I think my favorite moment was when I was sitting at the miscellaneous table with all the randoms and the girl next to me, the grooms ex, drunkenly admitted to sleeping with the groom a few months prior."
The joke was on the uncle. They lasted twenty years. They have four kids they can't afford, and are now remarried to people with police records. So what if they publicly share on Facebook their mutual hatred and and their regret of every wasted second of twenty years. They still lasted for a bit.
Hello?
adele hello GIFGiphy"I was at a wedding when a phone went off during the ceremony. In the middle of exchanging vows. It was the groom's. He took the call. They are divorced now. I believe it was a cousin calling, to ask if they were late for the wedding."
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The Witness
"I was at a wedding. I was a plus one for my date. The bride sat down drunk at our table and started talking to us. She then told me that she slept with her ex right before walking down the aisle. She screwed her ex in her wedding dress in the bridal suite. She then downed the last of my drink and went off to the dance floor. I was left speechless. I didn't know anyone but my date. Less than a year later the bride and groom were divorced."
"what did I do?"
"One of my friends got married, afterwards she looked at me, crying, and said "what did I do?" They were separated by the time the plane landed from their honeymoon. He was a good guy, she was a mess. The beta fish in the flower centerpieces lasted longer than the marriage."
- Boosully
See Ya...
"The bachelor party and the Bachelorette party were in Vegas at the same time. Across the hall from each other. The bride and groom got in a huge fight on the last night of the trip and when I was leaving I said "I'll see you guys at the wedding" to the groom and he replied "I'm not sure there's gonna be one." There was a wedding, but they were divorced within 18 months I believe."
Slow Dance
dirty dancing love GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphy"A fun light-hearted dance with the groom followed by a close and slow dance with her male best friend."
- codyish
Picture Takers
"As a wedding photographer I have been to more than my share of weddings.
- It was a REAL shotgun wedding. Dad didn't realize it would not stand up in court. Only time the groom was more excited to have photos than the bride.
- She wanted a limo, he thought a hearse would be better and kept doing Lurch impressions. From the Addams family.
- Don't know what happened... Sat down with bride and groom, filling out the contract. Got the deposit. He stood up, said forget it, and walked out. 2 months later I get told the wedding is off, 3 months later she calls to rebook, different groom. Day of the wedding I am at the church... Got the final payment the week before... No one shows... No one, just me and the DJ." - TexasTiger70
"uh, yeah, okay, yeah I do"
"She told me two days before that she found her fiancé annoying and that she didn't like him and that he was AWFUL in bed. She was visibly, endlessly uncomfortable at the rehearsal wedding/dinner combo. Then she sobbed the ENTIRE morning, day-of."
"She ended up not getting any makeup done cause she wouldn't stop scream-sobbing and refused to get dressed, stalling the wedding ~35 minutes. She then said 45 minutes of "vows" that she had prepared (9 pages of things like inappropriate vows to friends and family, his parents and sisters, none of them her husband), and then ALMOST didn't say "I do."
"Managed to get a, "uh, yeah, okay, yeah I do" out of her almost a full 60 seconds after she was supposed to say anything. I could go on for HOURS, but it was the most painful and awkward wedding I've ever been to. I've got my money on 10 months. We're 1 month in."
- brbdead
"I promise to love you"
"I've got two:"
"One of my good friends got married and I'd never met her before the wedding because "she's just shy." On the wedding day, she was belligerently drunk before the ceremony even started and couldn't even get through the lines she was supposed to repeat (i.e. "I promise to love you"). She ended up slapping the groom, spilling champagne on her dress, and then crying under a table while he tried to comfort her. They lasted about 4 months."
"Another one was my wife's friend. She's a very conservative, religious white girl who married a black man. Most of her racist family didn't approve of the marriage and didn't show up. But she planned the whole marriage around race. Like a vanilla cake for her and a chocolate cake for him, the wedding colors were black and white, and even the meals were white meat for her side and dark meat for his. It was extremely uncomfortable as a guest. They lasted 2 years."
Maybe choose rum?
bride fail GIFGiphy"When the bride drank vodka out of a pint glass and spent a significant amount of time making out with another guy on the dance floor."
- csdirty
Insanity
"My uncle when he broke his neck trying to breakdance on his stag do, He went down the aisle in a wheelchair. She divorced shortly after. He can walk again now but because of his surgery he cannot turn his neck. One of my go to stories because it's freaking insane."
being happy... for me...
"My brother's ex-wife. Throughout the exchange of vows, she was looking at everyone but my brother, making sure all eyes were on her. Later, she instructed the photographer (a family friend who was cheap) to "mingle" and get shots of people "being happy."
"Within 10 minutes, she'd summoned the photographer back shouting, "Whose wedding is this?! I meant get shots of people being happy for me." They broke up when she cheated on him. Apparently, that marriage she was desperate for was only good while it brought her attention."
- Stormaen
School Love
leonardo dicaprio love GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When they got married illegally in high school. Two 16 year olds from different states who had to lie on their certificate to get approved by the state. It was annulled when the father of the groom found out."
2 Left Feet
"Prior to my wedding I'd asked my husband to practice dancing with me because I'm uncoordinated, due to a disability. He blew me off and said we'd be fine. As we were dancing, he spoke in my ear, not even quietly. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you? You're embarrassing me!!" We lasted 2 years. Leaving was the best decision I ever made."
Knockout
anne hathaway weddings GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When the groom ran up and punched the bride during the reception in some kind of drunken melee."
Marriage is way to expensive to be a mistake. So think it all through very carefully. And put your heart aside and lead with your mind when friends are warning you about red flags. If red flags start adding up... wave them high as you run, down the other end of the aisle.
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With all months of planning that goes into a traditional wedding, you'd think it couldn't go that sour on the day of the event.
Sure, there will be some unexpected challenges and a few snags throughout the day. That's standard for any event ever.
But for the wedding to crash and burn, some glaring oversights must have been at play.
Unfortunately, those sometimes only become obvious once the event has already taken its nose dive.
A Redditor, who has since deleted their account, asked:
"Reddit, what is the WORST wedding ceremony you have attended? Why was it bad?"
Many people decried the weddings that totally stunk due to major logistical oversights. These simply forgot about the basic elements of a good wedding.
Standing Room Only
"There were no tables and chairs. Like none. They had an open bar but no fu**ing chairs. Everyone had to put their drink on the ground and hold their plate to eat. It was fu**ing crazy."
"Everyone just assumed that some sort of terrible thing happened where the tables and chair people didn't bring them but afterwards I asked her (the bride) what happened and she just said 'Oh we would have had to pay extra for that.' "
-- tsim12345
More of a Fundraiser
"My cousins wedding."
"Cousin and husband live about three hours away from his and her respective families. Everyone gets to the reception and finds out there is no dinner, only hors d'oeuvre. And by that, I mean there was a tray of cold meatballs, cold mozzarella sticks, and two turkeys for around 120 people. Half the guests left for about an hour to go get something to eat."
"Cash bar was crazy expensive, like $6 for a bottle of Miller lite."
"Then, they start selling dances with the bride and groom for $50."
"Sadly, I saw people finding the envelope of cash they were giving as a gift and taking money out."
-- BendyBoo
Got It, No Dry Weddings
"My cousin had a 'dry wedding' (no alcohol) because members in her church crowd were heavily against drinking. Keep in mind that our family enjoys drinking (We have been making our own moonshine for decades)."
"After the food was served, her church friends hauled as**out of there as fast as they could, leaving only my family of alcoholics. The DJ we were tortured by was someone random from her church that had obviously never worked a wedding before. My family lingered around a bit, but left soon after that and the reception was dead by 9pm."
"The people from her church that she had paid to help clean up had left right after the food as well. So by time I was leaving, she was cleaning up with her new husband. I stayed to help because I felt bad and she asked me to, but her wedding was awful. 0/10"
-- hussy_trash
At the Whims of Climate
"I've been to a few outdoor wedding ceremonies in summer here in Queensland, Australia (it's ridiculously hot & humid in summer) without chairs that just go on & on."
"All dressed up in your finest, feet going numn in stupid heels, dripping in sweat for hours is not pleasant. Dear god peoples, keep it short or give us shade and chairs."
Others shared stories of the weddings that went south due to interpersonal drama that exploded right there at the wedding.
Elephant in the Room
"I was at a wedding 2 years ago where the happy couple to be were also best friends with another married couple so naturally made the other couple best man and maid of honour. 3 weeks before the wedding the other couple ended dramatically through him cheating and were going through a nasty divorce by the time the wedding rolled around."
"The whole wedding became centered around the best man and maid of honour and their dismal attempt at looking happy for the new couple. The best man even had his new girlfriend rock up at the reception. Awkward as fu**, but there was definitely a sense of all the guests as to 'omg, what's going to happen next?!?'"
Hot Gossip
"I was 15, 26 year old cousin's wedding, Indian family. His fiance, also Indian got drunk at reception and made out with the best man in a closet, someone opened the door and pretty much everyone saw them walk out of the closet."
"It was jaw droppingly awkward. He got the marriage annulled."
-- Ileumn
RUMBLE
"My ex-wife's uncle. He was in his fifties, his bride was in her twenties and younger than his daughter of his first marriage. Shotgun ceremony, there was an undercurrent of ill-disguised fury in the wedding venue."
"It all got worse during the wedding party - the top table ate the ENTIRE buffet, leaving nothing for the other guests, so somebody was forced to take a run down to a local takeaway. About 20 minutes into the disco, one set of in-laws trod on the foot of the other set of in-laws, refused to apologise, and both sides came together like a battle scene in Game of Thrones, all to the sound of Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon."
"Blood everywhere, the DJ pulled the plug, and everybody was thrown out of the community centre. It wasn't even 6pm, and guests were still arriving, and the guy sent out for the takeaway food arrived shortly after with arms full of fish and chips and a half-empty car park. Best wedding ever. Vic the groom died this year, because cancer's a fu**er."
-- duckorange
A Very Public Scolding
"Bride doesn't show up after 2 hrs of waiting then calls to tell the groom that she changed her mind. Groom starts crying and his mom shouts 'shut the fu** up! I told you to marry Kathy but noooooo Kathy was too fat huh? You just had to chase a model! She couldn't even wipe her a** with those nails much less cook your dinner. Why would Jessica want you? You're broke an you're ugly. Kathy wouldn't have stood you up cause she ugly too. Serves you right' "
"Groom continues to cry while the guests stared in shock."
"Yes people Kathy was there but just like everyone else she was afraid to confront the mom. She did give him a hug afterwards though."
-- [deleted]
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Baggage
"Hubby and I went to his ex-wife's latest wedding at the request of their kids. This was her 4th or 5th wedding with her grown children in attendance. Floor length white Cinderella wedding dress with everybody in tuxes. From a woman who lived off disability, welfare, and child support."
"Groom's sister realized bride had been married in this same church before, as she walked through the lobby shortly before the wedding asked, "Come here often?" I nearly wet myself laughing."
"Photographer wasn't pleased about something so my hubby & I ended up in a lot of photos (who doesn't want their exhusband in their wedding pics)."
"We made sure she changed her name and the kids were happy; I think the bride & groom ended up cleaning up the rented reception hall themselves because his family was not cooperating. We came home grateful that we'd just run down to the courthouse."
-- Lybychick
And some shared stories of the cringe moments. Some of the speeches that happen at weddings are just excruciating.
Leave That Part Out
"As a waitress I've seen a lot at weddings. Amongst my favourite, the best man who got up and started his speech, re-telling all the details of the buck's night. The bride's family had flown in from Africa (unsure of the nation)."
"They were all in traditional dress and we were only serving alcohol to certain tables because of their religious beliefs I guess. The poor bride was hiding her head in her hands while the best man talks about the groom climbing on stage at a strip joint and eating a banana out of the stripper."
"Rule number one of giving speeches at weddings: Never re-tell Buck's night stories."
-- henrijonesjr
Candid, At Least
"I attended one last week where the bride said in her vows that she didnt think it would last, and they fought too much but she thought she would like to try marriage. Later on when fireworks went off during their first dance, the fireworks base fell over and set the carpet on fire."
-- ainslie-red
Belittled On the Spot
"I attended a female coworker's wedding. She and the groom were both very young (teenagers) and very religious."
"The father walks the bride down the aisle, and it looks like we're in for a beautiful ceremony. But once they arrive next to the groom, the father proceeds to give the groom a lecture on how he will now be responsible for the spiritual well being of the bride. How he (the father) has been her "spiritual leader" her whole life up to now, but the groom is taking over."
"While giving this speech, the father managed to strike a terrifying figure, one of those, 'You take care of my daughter or I will kill you' types, only the message was 'If my daughter falls off her Christian path and ends up going to hell, I'm coming after you, buddy.' The groom began to sob as he was being lectured, and it could not have been more awkward for the entire congregation."
"We watched the father dress down the groom, speak as if the bride had no control over her own life, and cause the poor boy to spend the rest of his wedding red-eyed and runny-nosed."
-- ChapelSteps
Stealing the Show
"Not my story but an old coworker told me about a wedding they went to where the best mans toast turned into him proposing to his girlfriend. I would have killed the see the brides face ."
-- Alcopaulics
DIY. Also Racist.
"I'll make this short. Camo vests on the groomsmen. Pause for brides smoke break during ceremony. Half the guests were in jeans or PJ pants. Finally, a make your own ham and cheese sandwich bar."
"Oh yeah and it was at a fairly hillbilly 'golf club' so there was nearly a racially charged fistfight between a young black groomsmen and some old white club members."
-- RN_SweetCorn
Bad From the Get Go
"My best friend's. Bride showed up annihilated, and her family friends kept trying to sneak her weed/booze to 'even her out'. I can't believe he still married her. They will be divorced sometime this week."
Here's hoping you never have to sit through this level of discomfort or awkwardness in all of your future wedding obligations.
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Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay |
Sometimes you just gotta walk away. Love is love and it's fabulous and all that jazz, but that doesn't mean it's meant to be... forever.
And no one wants to hurt another person's feelings, especially someone you're in a relationship with; unless they really deserve it. But more often than not, a lot of marriage proposals seem ill timed and not well thought out.
Like, you just cheated on me or stole my money, a "Will you marry me?" does NOT an "I'm sorry" make.
Redditor u/tommygunz007 wanted to chat with the ladies out there about the times they just had to say... "No!" They asked:
[Serious] Women of Reddit who were proposed to by their SO and said no, what's your story?
I am the one who will be proposed to. I decided that long ago. So I'll never have to worry about hearing a no. I just have to figure out my "NO" delivery. I jest...
Thank you Timing
thank god singing GIF by WE tvGiphy"I loved him, If he asked me to get married 3 days before I would've said yes, BUT I received a message 2 days before the proposal from someone telling me that he was part of a gang, with proof and everything."
Isn't it weird?
"An ex, I told him things were going downhill and I wanted to end things so he decided to propose to me (thank god not in public) as an attempt to get me to stay. I said no."
- Lust-Exe
"Isn't it weird? We had problems and he was too lazy to work on them. It wasn't when I bought books, it wasn't when I wanted to talk, it wasn't when I suggested counselling, it wasn't when I gave him a deadline for leaving, it was when the deadline was reached and I was packing that he decided he wanted to "save the relationship" by asking me to marry him. Freaking lazy."
Stalker No
"He brought me up to his apartment about a 2 hour drive from my college. I was basically trapped there. He asked me while he was feeling insecure about the relationship and figured a proposal would lock me in place. I dodged it for a few days, but I needed to get back to classes and he wouldn't take me back till I said yes. I figured he was a bright guy and would come to his senses eventually. He got me back to school. Eventually he realized that coercion is not a good proposal strategy."
- Selenay1
Try Again
"He proposed as a knee-jerk reaction when we were going through a rough patch. It was a pretty inappropriate gesture and I told him no and why it was a no. He wasn't being flippant, just turns out he was scared of where our relationship was going. We ended up working on ourselves and were married five years later."
- JennaLS
Inked No
Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphy"He thought asking me to marry him and tattooing 'private property of' would be a good way to make me forget serial cheating."
See, now how did these guys not see this coming? They really thought marriage was just the simple answer. SMDH. Men can really be dim.
I Remember
Baby No GIF by MOODMANGiphy"He was proposing to show how he was fully committed and dedicated to me and only me after he was caught cheating."
To the Pawn Shop
"Sold my great grandmom's wedding set to buy a gaudy diamond monstrosity of a ring. I had asked him to use the engagement ring to propose with as I would have been the fourth generation to wear it. He said it was ugly and awful and wouldn't have his "woman" wearing second hand garbage. I dumped his butt and got the set back from the pawn shop. Just realized this was the second time I dumped a guy based on this kind of behavior. I sure can pick 'em."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
why propose now?
"Dating a guy for a few years. Was 20 years old at the time. Very controlling, wasn't going great. We were opening Christmas presents with his family when he asked. He proposed while saying he loved the woman I would become one day. I said yes in public, but no in private. If you don't even love me now, why propose now? Needless to say it didn't last long."
happy endings
"About 3 or 4 months after we started dating he asked. It was a moment... we had a fun night out, a little buzzed, in a cab over the Williamsburg Bridge looking at the NYC skyline, weather was beautiful... I think we were both feeling immortal. But I said, you know... I'm saying no now because we haven't been dating so long and we've had a bit to drink and we're just caught up in the moment. He seemed dejected. He was still dejected days later. That said, a few years later after we'd been together long enough I said yes and we got hitched so we still got the happy ending!"
Oh Auntie
Go Go Go Running GIFGiphy"A girl I was casually dating, not even in a relationship with, proposed in front of her toddler niece and nephews and a LARGE crowd of people at the aquarium. Even asked her nephew, "Do you want OP to be Auntie OP?" with the ring in hand. I said yes in public and then no privately. Never saw her again after that one."
- SpyJane
Too Handsome
"A few years back, I was dating this guy. At first, he seemed very kind, sweet and happy. Handsome too. I thought he was a great catch, especially as some toxic friends of mine were lowering my self esteem. A few months after we started dating, he started changing. It was subtle at first, he would stop spending time with me and blaming me for it. Then came the gaslighting and manipulation."
"He started isolating me from my family, and hurting me when I refused to do things for him. Eventually, I got the strength to deal with the situation and tell him that we were over. To get me to stay, he hosted a large party with lots of friends and publicly asked me to marry him. I said no."
Maybe Brunch?
"Ex asked me over lunch to marry him. He'd broken up with me about once a week for the last few months over nothing. He had serious emotional/mood issues that have now been diagnosed but he was just a really difficult person to be around in general. I started laughing because it was just absolutely ridiculous."
"He asked why I was laughing and I brought up how he broke up with me every single week. He flat out said he wanted to get married because then he knew he wouldn't be able to leave, as if that stopped people from just getting a divorce ??? We broke up for good not long after this but the whole thing was bananas."
Panic
"We were looking at houses, and I had a panic attack whilst he was checking out the bedrooms. And I realised he was the worst person to live with. He had incredible temper tantrums, that he had threatened to hit our future children (if they touched his Dr. Who collection), but no one knew and thought he was perfect for me."
Maybe This Time
Meh Kinda GIF by CulturaGiphy"I've said "not yet" twice. The first person and I broke up, the second person and I have been married for more than fifteen years."
When in Paris
"We were 19 & 21 and had been together for 2 years. He took me to Paris, pulled out all the stops and proposed under the Eiffel Tower. I told him it wasn't a no, it was a not yet (if he would wait). I wanted to travel and knew I was too young for marriage. We ended up travelling together, making amazing memories through the years - we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 in the most perfect service and have been happily married 4 years next week!"
In the 90s...
"A friend from high school whom I had known for about a year proposed to me while I was in my first semester of college. The proposal was made over the phone, long distance (this was in the late 1960's). I never saw him as more than a great friend. My Mom thought he was really great which was nice but, no reason to basis a marriage. He really was a nice guy and we had fun together but, I was not "in love" with him."
"A few years ago I found out that he died of cancer in the mid 1980's and I was sorry to learn of his death. We did not keep in touch and I only saw him once after the proposal and he had married a lovely woman who I thought suited him. Seems I was wrong as she divorced him at some point."
How Generic
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy"One ex always proposed when we were fighting and I was about to leave. Some times literally mid yelling would just drop to one knee. I always said "No. I don't want a proposal to end a fight. I want it to be special."
Try Again
"My mom said no to my dad the first time. He'd decided that he wanted to spend his life with her and wanted that to start asap. Still, they'd been dating less than a year and she was very nervous about rushing into things, even though they were madly in love."
"After a few days of continued discussion, she came around to his point of view (i.e. if we're talking about starting a family, why bother postponing the legalities?) So they got married 6 weeks later and here we all are after 33 years, with them still madly in love."
The Cheats
"I had a boyfriend cheat on me SO many times. The break up was hard, but then he got activated from the military reserves. I didn't meet anyone till 2 months before he came back. The whole time I wanted him back, but he and I weren't really officially together, and I knew he was talking to another girl the whole time he was gone."
"He came back, and saw the other girl first (he says to break up with her, ya right) and I realized I didn't like him, thank God! He showed up at my apartment, saw me with my new boyfriend, and proposed in a crying fit. It was horrid. 3 months earlier and I'd have done it, but thank god for the timing of things."
Stop Assuming
Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"He bought me a ring as a Christmas present. The proposal came the day after with him saying "by the way, that's an engagement ring". He tried the same thing again the year after. Told him both times that if he couldn't even ask me whether I wanted to actually marry him or not, I didn't want the rings."
See, this is why those big public spectacle proposals are not a great idea. Look up the Beyonce dancer who Beyonce stopped the show for so her dancer's BF could propose. It was beautiful and funny and anointed by the Queen. And it didn't work out. That yes was pressure. So think and be sure gentlemen before you involve Beyonce.
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Wedding Industry Professionals Break Down How They Knew A Couple Was Destined For Divorce
The photographers, DJs, officiates, and planners of the wedding industry hold a unique perspective.
They get to witness the lead-up to the couple's important, deeply symbolic day. Sitting at the table in that context offers those industry professionals a glimpse of the mundane dynamics of couples before the big event.
And sometimes, those minutiae present some serious red flags for the future of that relationship after the vows are exchanged, the decorations stowed away, and life goes on.
Lucky for us, some of those industry professionals use Reddit, and they shared the sauciest tales from the world of ominous weddings.
Justhearmeoit asked, "People that work in the wedding industry, have you ever seen a couple and immediately thought 'this ends in divorce?' Why?"
Some people chose to share about the times when the problems of the relationship weren't subtle at all. They talked about full on arguments and fights that occurred.
Needless to say, it was clear to these professionals where things were headed for the couple.
Same-Day Annulment Service?
"They had a big fight the night before the wedding and were considering calling it off. Until the bride showed up 30 minutes before the ceremony, no one was sure if she would be there at all.
"The groom danced with his MOM more times than he did with the bride. The bride was snippy and nitpicky with the staff all night."
"The word 'annulment' was cast around and I hope to god they went through with it the next day because holy sh**."
Damn the Torpedoes, Going Through With it Anyway
"I work and in a hotel. I came in one night to find the wedding was already wrapped up (it was supposed to go until 1 AM and it was 11 PM) because the wedding couple had a fight and she went home with mom."
"At another one they had a huge rehearsal dinner fight which spilled out into the lobby."
"Everyone in the lobby found out that she hated his parents, she was pregnant and she had no idea who the father was, and a few other things. Half the guest list packed up and checked out the next day."
"They still got married."
Zero Investment, Just Another Workday
"I used to work at a popular wedding venue. Bride and groom came in the day before for rehearsal, checked the decorations, and played a sweet video of the couple, standard wedding bullsh**."
"Next day, bride and groom arrived fighting the entire time until reception where the groom proceeded to drink himself blind before speeches and had to be carried out, didn't even get to play that video."
"It was the best shift ever, got to go home early and take home a bunch of food already paid for."
-- ihatepeasoup
In a few cases, the couple itself actually seemed quite strong and loving. Unfortunately, that's not the only thing that matters.
Marriage unites entire families, for better or worse.
Water and Oil
"A few times as a photographer. The couple were usually fine, the families themselves were too different and combative." -- AnchorBuddy
"Oh my god yes. My and my fiance would be married by now if the idea of our families actually meeting wasn't absolutely horrifying." -- elkwaffle
Horrible Moment to Bring That Up For First Time
"When the bride and groom argued over why the groom's mother shouldn't get all money given to them on their wedding day. Ya that was a red flag." -- JoeEIRE
"Hahaha my ex tried to convince me to let his mum take the money that night and we'd collect it the next afternoon when we got back from our hotel stay. Fat chance I'd let the extreme gamblers hold on to that much cash." -- chanzii
Love is Earned
"I've been the DJ at a few hundred weddings. There was drama at most of them in some way. One in particular broke out into an old school saloon style fight like in the old 'Western' movies."
"I'm pretty sure that one didn't last."
-- Birdapotamus
Familial Omens
"Was at a friend's wedding once, it was at the justice of the peace, when the judge or officiant came around to if anyone doesn't believe in the union to speak up or forever hold your peace, a loud 'UH-OH' came shrieking from the back."
"It was my friends 2 Year old son, everybody was joking saying it was a sign. Less than a year later the couple got divorced."
And finally, sometimes a lack of commitment and fidelity is screaming from the face--or even lips--of the bride or groom. In word and action, some people play with fire on the wedding day, and show their cards.
I suppose it is better to know that earlier than later.
Ogling in the Wrong Direction
"Photographing the groom and you see his eyes light up when a guest arrives."
"You look over and it's a cute woman in a short dress. He smiles, walks up to the woman, picks her up and swings her in his arms."
"Best smile I captured of the groom all day. Marriage didn't last 6 months from what I've heard."
-- Twitfried
So Everyone's Up to Speed
"I worked fine dining/catering for over 20 years so Iʻve worked lots of weddings and receptions."
I once heard a bride at the reception during the toasts say that she actually thought she was asking out the grooms twin brother on their first date and that might actually be cute except she ...just kept going on."
"How the twin was more compatible, etc. then she ended the toast with 'well...as nice as you are youʻll make a great first husband.' "
"I was walking past the camera man at that time and you can hear me on tape saying 'did you get that? Tell me you got that.' "
-- Scoobymaybe
Yup, That'll Do It
"I work for a catering company..."
"I knew they were going to get a divorce as soon as the bride started grinding on the best man when the groom was puking his guts out in the corner."
-- shallotthot
Of course, it would be wonderful to feel assured that all weddings go off without a hitch and lead to a long term, loving relationship.
But let's be honest, that's not reality. Sometimes the event is a calamity. Apparently, sometimes the partnership itself is a calamity.
And this is the internet, so those are the stories people love to talk about.
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