People Explain Which Red Flags They Can't See Past In A Partner
Reddit user WoodenInevitable1574 asked: 'What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?'
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.
History is littered with horror and fright.
And much of it is journaled and cataloged for our reading pleasure.
Which sometimes is reading that can leave one a bit on edge.
That's because some of our best long-dead wordsmiths left some serious echoes.
Now we all do love a good speech.
We're especially entranced when the speaker has that certain... "thing."
But once and awhile when you listen and really dig deep, they are less inspirational and more morbid
Redditor KeyWar8755 wanted to compare notes on the words we can't shake. They asked:
"What’s a quote from history that gives you chills?"
I always listen to famous serial killers. So I've long been tainted.
To the Sea
Season 3 Nbc GIF by ManifestGiphy"'It is only those who have never heard a shot, never heard the shriek and groans of the wounded and lacerated […] that cry aloud for more blood, more vengeance, more desolation.'"
"General Sherman, from a letter sent in May of 1865 in the midst of his march to the sea."
TTTriplicate
Loss in Life
“'WAR is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.'― Smedley Butler"
ayayaJAMMER
Shoot
"'Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.' -- Dwight D. Eisenhower"
zyygh
Dirty
"'In Germany, the one who complains about the dirt is considered much more dangerous than the one making something dirty.' -Kurt Tucholsky"
"(Not an exact translation, the original quote is in German)"
EsszettOfficial
I'll Find You
looney tunes marco GIF by Looney Tunes World of MayhemGiphy"Nobody believed Marco Polo’s stories about travelling through Asia, and on his deathbed someone asked him to admit he had made it all up. His response was 'I have not told half of what I have seen.' That always got my imagination going. I would have liked to have heard his stories straight from him."
mariam67
I've always wondered about Marco Polo's origins.
Dreams
Hungry Hanna Barbera GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy“'All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.' T. E. Lawrence"
Kravashera
Time to Die
"'I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die.' — Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner"
cisforcoffee
Send it All...
"'Stop sending people to kill me. We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle… If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow, and I won't have to send another.' - Said by Josip Broz Tito to Joseph Stalin"
ChangKaiShek2
Death
“'I used to have five brothers, now I'm not even a brother' - Kevin Von Erich"
"His older brother died at the age of 6. His younger brother David died suddenly at 25. His three youngest brothers all killed themselves at 33, 23, and 21. Between 1984 and 1993 he went from having four younger brothers to not being a brother."
ToxicBanana69
Remember
Martin Luther King Jr Mlk GIF by IdentityGiphy"'We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.' - Martin Luther King, Jr."
RecalledBurger
Power
"'We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world or make it the last.' - John F. Kennedy"
VerdHorizon
Hard Truth
"'There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen.' --Vladimir Ilyich Lenin"
thatsnotmyf**kinname
"Whew! The timing."
imheretoupvotes**t
"Seen too many once in a generation depressions and once in a hundred years extreme weather events."
Meritania
Pay Attention
"'A generation which ignores history has no past and no future.' Robert Heinlein"
underpressure65
"Here in Latin America we have a similar saying: 'Un pueblo sin memoria es un pueblo sin futuro.' Which means 'A nation without memories is a nation without a future.'"
Guilhermedidi
NOW!
gordon ramsay fox GIF by MasterChef JuniorGiphy"'They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.' -Robert Heinlein"
Hob_O_Rarison
"Damn. I work in manufacturing and this hit me right in the paycheck."
XXPapaZombieXX
Take Notice
"'Why show anger to the world, as if the world would notice.'"
Wehfi
"I like this. Who said it?"
-Saltyz
"It's a double quotation. It's best known today as a quotation from the Meditations by Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, but he was himself quoting from the Greek play Bellerophon by Euripedes."
contramundi
Bull Moose
"'Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose. But fortunately I had my manuscript, so you see I was going to make a long speech, and there is a bullet - there is where the bullet went through - and it probably saved me from it going into my heart. The bullet is in me now, so that I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.' -Teddy Roosevelt"
herculesmeowlligan
Pay Up
“'It will cost what it will.' - Albert von Bredow"
"After receiving orders to charge the French infantry. Would become one of the last successful cavalry charges used in battle. More than half of them died in the charge."
KingOfWinteryIce
DONE
Proud Ides Of March GIF by Checkatrade.comGiphy"'The die is cast - Ceasar'"
"He said that after sending Roman troops to the border of Italy and Callia which marked the beginning of a Civil War."
Lanxol
Franz
“'One day the Great European War will come out of some damn foolish thing in the Balkans.' - Otto Von Bismarck"
"Said in 1888, 26 years before Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo triggering World War One."
Superb-Possibility-9
These are some powerful words that have stood the test of time.
Cautious People Explain What The Rest Of Us Don't Worry About Nearly Enough
Life is a minefield. I try to stay positive but let's be real, every second we live in danger and survive the unthinkable, mostly when we're not aware.
We have to pay better attention. I'm not trying to make anyone anxious, but being vigilant can save a life.
And a little worry goes a long way to having a long life.
Be cautious, it's not a bad trait to have. I think they call it be on the defense? Is that right?
I don't watch football.
Let's discuss...
Redditor _Losy wanted to warn us about all the dangers we're ignoring, so they asked:
"What is something people don’t worry about but really should?"
For me, it's food allergies.
I've nearly died not knowing allergies change over time.
Pay attention after you eat.
Be Better
"Driving. There are so many horrible drivers out there. Be better." ~ PM_ME_UR_LAST_DREAM
GiphyI Am Here
"Posting your whereabouts." ~ Stargazer10108
"My cousin does this all the time despite us begging her to stop. Her argument is that "'just my Facebook friends see it' - yeah, but do you know all of your friend's friends."
"Do you know who's accessing your friends' accounts and we all know how 'private' Facebook is. SMH. I only ever post about vacations when I'm back home again." ~ SuchLovelyLilacs
MURDERER!!
"Hypertension. The silent killer." ~ kluverbucy77
"I’m 29 and recently had to have a physical because I’m applying for new job. I haven’t been to the doctors in probably four or five years."
"When the woman was about to take my blood pressure I warned her it was gonna be high (it always has been even when I was playing three sports in high school, it runs in the family)."
"Anyway after taking my blood pressure four separate times the woman warned me by saying if I wasn’t in my late 20s she would sent me to the ER. That’s how bad it was."
"Really opened my eyes. My grandfather had six heart attacks and my father has had two." ~ Lukey_Jangs
Brush up!
"Teeth health. It can go real bad real quickly causing things you wouldn't even think of while having tooth ache." ~ theR0TH
"I am 27 and have terrible teeth since I'm 14. I'm lacking 10 teeth. I never even once in the last 13 years smiled with my mouth open. I always instinctively hold my hand in front of my mouth when I laugh. I have absolutely no confidence nor self esteem because of this. This is true." ~ Wisewolf-Holo
"They are basically tiny pieces of plastic, rub off easily, stick to hands and clothing and eventually get into your lungs where they remain for eternity. Why these aren't banned worldwide escapes me, but it is getting increasingly difficult to buy non-glitter ornaments." ~ BaaaaL44
Drivers are crazy.
It's all a scene from 'Mad Max.'
Nobody can drive safe.
Just pray...
Diet
"Sugar and salt intake. If your diet is high in processed foods you’re loading up on these 2." ~ Lovingnature412
GiphyMedicines
"Antibiotic resistance." ~ pixer12
"That's how my grandmother died! She got a cut on her foot, and it became a MRSA infection. They considered amputation, but by that time, she was so far gone with dementia that the doctors didn't think the trauma would be good for her, so we just let it run its course."
"I was like, what freaking year is it that an infection is so bad that it takes a life? Freaking mind-blowing. I thought we had moved past that Little House on the Prairie crap." ~ mmemarlie
The Earth
"Topsoil. We need it to grow food. No one knows how to make it. And we are slowly washing it all into the ocean with our farming practices." ~ Dirtbag204
"Cover crops were used for topsoil preservation... and it's not very common in modern agriculture. Manure fertilization is effective, but hardly scalable. Bottom line, we're losing 3 tonnes of topsoil per person per year." ~ Low_Adhesiveness_130
Info Wars
"Posting personal information in social media. You might think posting your name, address, birthday, school, car, your children's names, job among others in a single site in the internet is totally safe. It is not."
"A really good identity fraud can easily use your identity. A skilled burglar can easily monitor your schedules to time their theft perfectly. So don't give out too much information in your social media." ~ Curious-Force5819
'maybe vulnerable'
"Cyber vulnerabilities. I've worked with some of the world's best white hat hackers and its mind boggling how accessible everything is."
"Here's a simple question to ask yourself to see if something is vulnerable. Is it connected to the internet? If yes, the answer is 'vulnerable'. If no, the answer is 'maybe vulnerable'." ~ MarcusGMElius
GiphyNo one is saying to be afraid.
We all have to live.
And we want to be sure we all get to, so let's do our best.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
There are so many details new parents don't seem to know. After centuries of parenting one would think y'all would be perfect at it.
There are endless examples of what to do, and more importantly what NOT to do.
But every day parents are left baffled by their children. I suppose that is all part of the process.
Parents should be talking amongst themselves more. Be brutally honest with each other.
It seems that older generations are keeping their secrets and warnings close to the vest; like some sort of "learn it the hard way" lesson.
But let's get into some hidden warning signs.
Redditor sneakyturtles7 wanted to hear about all the info that is left out of the "How to Parent" guidebook, by asking:
"What is something nobody warns people about enough when it comes to having kids?"
I've always wondering about having kids.
I waver, but then I go out to eat and I see the calamity of parents eating out with kids, and I smile and walk away.
Invincible
"If you felt invincible at some point in your life, you will never feel that way again."
"The mere thought of them being harmed in any way can completely destroy you." ~ ilovelasko
GiphyMental Fitness
"Make sure your mental health is up to par when they become teenagers. I swear my youngest was going to drive me insane with all the worry she put me through with her mental health after her first boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, after a year of dating. Lots of hugs and cuddles all times of the day due to crying."
"My daughter actually started cutting so I had to make sure to always check her entire body for cut marks and search her entire room for anything sharp. I ended up finding a very small pediatric mental health facility they ran out of a farm house setting. Only around 10 kids at a time there. She went 3 times in 3 years. They taught her coping skills to help when she felt down. It helped tremendously." ~ Daddys__Babygirl
Make a Person
"There's a very good chance they won't turn out like you think." ~ weirdkid71
"People seem to often forget that they're raising people- as in, independent-thinking individuals whose actions, values, personalities, interests, and capabilities will potentially be completely unlike yours. I've seen a lot of parents struggle hard with that, and frankly, that's a possibility you should have made your peace with before you became a parent, imo." ~ MyMorningSun
"a blight on humanity"
"You have to parent the kid you have. The books are fine for ideas, your experience, friends thoughts, paediatricians, therapists. But at the end of it all you have this complicated little person you're in charge of with their own preferences, feelings, insecurities, abilities, and you have to do what works for them and your family and, of course, also raise someone who isn't a blight on humanity or menace to society." ~ Lilac77777
There really needs to be some parenting training.
Why is that not a class instead of PE?
Like real life training.
Forever
"Parenthood does not end when they turn 18... it's for the rest of your life." ~ womanitou
GiphyNever Silent
"I call it 'active listening' it is really draining. When there is only another adult in the house you don't pay much attention to the everyday noises. With kids you are always listening, are they crying, are they fighting, are they too quiet, what just got opened etc etc. Gets better as they get older but nothing can prepare you for it." ~ chuppiecabra
To be alone...
"For me, I stopped having a chance to think anything through without interruption. I had a very hard time with that. I couldn't remember anything, couldn't make decisions, etc because every thought seemed to get interrupted. I'd just sit in my car alone sometimes so I could think." ~ ElsieDCow
Decisions. Decisions.
"It is one of the two or three most absolute and permanent decisions you can make in life. Once you have kids, you have kids. No going back, no choosing differently, no letting time pass to heal any wounds. Not saying this is good or bad. It's just a permanent decision (if you don't take giving them up for adoption into account)." ~ Soyuz_Pilot
No Life
"When they grow older, you don't have a private life anymore. They stay awake longer than you." ~ theofiel
"Whenever we're trying do do something sneaky, my wife and I always say that having kids is like having parents." ~ The-Horrible-M
GiphyI'm so glad I stayed a dog daddy.
Pets are stressful enough.
Kids are a big no thank you to me. Good luck to you all.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
People Divulge The Biggest Red Flags Everyone Often Overlooks Early In A Relationship
Warning! Non-stranger danger!
That is a real thing, you know? We tend to not be as self-aware about warning signs and red flags in relationships. Why is that?
Is it love? Is it lust? Is stupidity? The answer is all of the above.
Sometimes we refuse to see what is right in front of us.
Other people see it and try to tell us, and we say they're the crazy ones.
The late, great poet Maya Angelou once said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
The warnings are there, you don't even have to look that hard.
Redditor Expensive-Bad-1111 wanted to compare notes on what to look for as a warning when it comes to matters of the heart and humanity, they asked:
"What is a red flag that most people are unable to see early on in a relationship or while dating...?"
I can't tell you how many times I ignored red flags.
LOL (NOT)
Threaten You Want Some Of This GIF by BounceGiphy"The jabs they claim are just jokes." ~ FreeMindRestFollows
I cut him off...
"Keeping the relationship a secret. Actually hiding it from his/her friend to the point no knows. Not private... secret." ~ Verdigris000
"I had a guy do that. We went to high school together. He knew my family, I knew his. A few years after graduation we reconnected. He wanted to keep it a secret. Why? You are not married, I am not married. He wanted to have sex with me, but he didn't want to define our relationship. I cut him off. I am not a booty call." ~ Bris50
Maybe she's perfectly happy?
"Cutting you off from your friends, and not permitting you to socialize without them. Recently lost one of my besties to a new beau who won't let her out of his sight. We'll catch up when it all goes south." ~ Stormallthetime
"This happened to a friend of mine at University. She was 18, was part of my friend group, and literally lived in our room. Anyway, there were some older uni students who ran the hostel we stayed in and the guy who lived in our block would hang out with us quite a bit."
"It turns out he was only hanging out with us because he was interested in her. They ended up going on a few dates, which we thought was 'cute' because he seemed like a nice and funny guy, but then we never really saw her after that. The last thing I remember her telling me is that, he had written a list of 20 rules for their relationship, one of which stated that they must spend at least 2 hours of quality time together everyday."
"Apparently they are still together, but I still feel like we lost a good friend and that he robbed her of just living a full life. He was in his mid 20s and was also her first proper bf… Maybe she's perfectly happy? But if I had a bf for a few weeks that wrote rules for our relationship, it would definitely not be a relationship!" ~ Wooowaaat
Liar
"My ex called herself a pathological liar and told me she would never lie to me, and cried to me multiple times over the phone begging me not to leave when i told her to chill out and I'm not going anywhere. 'I was a bit naive since she had never really hurt me at that point."' ~ KimJongUf_
The Boss
Not Funny No GIFGiphy"When one person always determines when time can be spent together. If it feels like you're always the one compromising to find time together walk away it's not going to go well." ~ AudienceNervous1665
There is a difference between suggestion and control. Learn it. Fast.
Trivial
Go Away GIF by BounceGiphy"Dismissing your feelings as trivial. A person who actually cares about you would consider your feelings about things as well, or at least attempt to understand." ~ Affectionate-Feed538
"forgetting"
"Always having strange reasons to not want to see you, "forgetting" your plans, being defensive or bit of a stand-off."
"Edit: I've seen a few people suggest and tell stories about memory issues or responsibilities that demanded full-time attention, and I just wanted to clarify that the case with my ex doesn't relate to any of these. My ex simply didn't have respect for my time or feelings and was just using me for sex when she was bored." ~ Cyanide_Revolver
Suggestions...
"When everything revolves around what they want to do. Their job, their social life, hobbies, where they want to live, go out to, go on holiday to, until you get to the point where you don't even know what you want to do anymore. It starts small, but builds quickly and you might not realise until it's too late."
"When you make suggestions or organise things it's usually met with negative comments, or the other person acting like a spoilt brat because it's not good enough, never good enough, so you just don't bother anymore." ~ MadamTheadoramoon
Besties
"Trying to take over your best friend (visiting them without you, confiding in them, telling them one sided stuff about your relationship). They are making sure you don't have a support system." ~ trs58
"My ex did this with my mother. Texted and messaged her, suddenly had the same hobbies as her so they hung out sometimes. I told him I didn't like it and he made it seem like she was the one saying hello all the time and inviting him to go fishing or whatever."
"It's hardly noticeable on its own but it is one of the things I can now identify as unsettling when I look back and see it in the context of everything that was going on. Like I swear he was trying to get me pregnant while I was between jobs and to get me to move to his hometown where I knew no one." ~ gagrushenka
Common Themes
Tell Me More Jeff Goldblum GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"If they keep complaining about multiple exes. In those situations, they are the common factor." ~ TheVantal
Walking away can be difficult. But it can also be the smartest thing you ever do.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.