Redditor finn-burner wanted to hear from all the gents out there with facial hair, so they asked:
"Why do you have a beard?"
My beard has started to come in gray.
So now it is banished.
Fresh faced is all I need.
Beauty Traits
Bollywood Beard GIF by Hrithik RoshanGiphy"Because I want to be 60% ugly instead of 100%."
Vruszz
"Came here to joke that I won't open the door. This is it, tho. My chin rivals that of both Bruce Campbell and the Tick. With a beard, I look like Santa that hit the gym."
Sagemasterba
Who cares...
"I shaved last a bit over a year ago for my brother's wedding, no maintenance since. Yes, it looks like crap but I also don't care anymore."
1101base2
"It's an easy thing to care for. All you need is a good brush (use a boar hair brush, not a cheap plastic one.) and some beard oil. There are other products like wax and balm, but really just a good brush and some oil is all you need for a soft, classy-looking beard. I've been growing for 6 years, nothing but compliments. And when it gets long enough, you can braid it or put it in tons of different styles with twists and braids."
chedd420
Good Habits
"It gives me something to stroke when I'm thinking."
Chairman_Mittens
"I once got to stroke a friend's beard while he stroked mine, it was an experience."
GodOfSugarStrychnine
"The beard is where a man's wisdom is stored. Stroke it to unlock deeper thoughts."
ItsEntsy
"Thanks for making me remember my long-forgotten habit. Now, I'm starting to constantly stroke my beard."
Haruhiro21
Look Away
"I don’t have a strong chin. Plus, it’s starting to get these long white hairs as I age so it makes me feel regal."
DocFreudstein
"My wife hates my chin, says it looks like a butt. In our 12 years together she's probably only seen it clearly for a month or so, I've usually had a goatee or beard. But on our son I guess it's cute, go figure."
handandfoot8099
"I went clean-shaven on our 2nd or 3rd date. She told me to not do that again. Coming up on 4 years of marriage and I'm afraid to see my chin at this point."
NobodyLikesPricks
Oval Features
thumb cooking GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Because I'm bald and I don't want to look like a thumb."
itamaru
Not Today
Kevin James Eating GIF by TV LandGiphy"I'm lazy."
berael
"Same, definitely. I always said I'd never have a beard... Then I realized I'd have to shave all the time and was like nope, not today razor!"
OldBathBomb
It's Me!
"Because the last time I shaved it all off my friends followed me around shouting 'I'M A REAL BOY' like Pinnochio. For real though, I was told I looked good with it and at this stage, I'd look weird without it."
Cyanide_Revolver
"This. I’m 35. I have a jawline and good skin. If I shave, I get carded at bars. I don’t need to be looking half my age."
SomeOtherOrder
"I tried to grow a goatee when I was 17. My friend said I looked like a 40-year-old Baptist preacher who had 17 kids and lived in a log cabin. 2 years later during COVID-19 I grew a full beard and he gave his seal of approval."
Count-Spatula2023
Angles
"Hides my now round face a bit better."
Creamsickled
I had a beard for the last 10 years and shaved it off recently to find that I now have a double chin. Promptly grew it back."
bicx
"I've never had a chiseled look, but when I see pics of myself in my twenties, my face looked a lot more... angular. I'm not that guy anymore. the beard gives me some definition."
Overall_Sandwich_671
Gandalf
"I grow more hair than Gandalf. If not controlled, it becomes wild. Come COVID, I stopped caring about keeping it perfectly trim. Now it flows, like a beautiful waterfall."
LargeSnorlax
"I tried growing my beard long during the peak of COVID when nobody was going anywhere, and I learned it doesn't grow long, it grows out. Bushy and terrible, not a beautiful waterfall but a mess. Well, at least I know now."
Catsh*t-Dogfart
39
"Because at 18 I spent 4 years in the Marines then got into security when I got out. I'm 39 now and from 18 till about 33 I wasn't allowed by my job to grow one. Then I started working in house security at a hospital and they allowed it. Plus I look way better with a beard lol."
"Even the wife likes it now (she was on the fence when I first grew it out). That being said I have considered shaving it lol. Purely for the fact that I have a 4-year-old with autism and she isn't a fan of the long beard when she gives me a kiss. So the compromise is I keep it pretty short lol."
moshpitmachine
Simplicity
hipster beard GIFGiphy"I have a crazy babyface if I get anywhere close to overweight. My beard is man make-up."
MLaw2008
"It really is that simple for some of us."
28smalls
A little scruff on the right guy can make the perfect '10.'
Scruff isn't for everyone but when it works, it WORKS!
"What's the best answer to being called ugly ?"
Always Rely On The Classics
"Classic Cyrano de Bergerac: 'I give you this to work with, and that's the best insult you can come up with?'"- Terpsichorean_Wombat
You Must Know This From Experience
‘"Hopefully that’s all we have in common.’"- Annoying_pain_in_a**
That The Best You Can Do!
"I've been called worse things from better people."- That-End-322
Unimpressed Viola Davis GIFGiphyThe Bar Is Certainly Low
"'And even I wouldn't f*ck you'."- elenchusis
Blessing In Disguise... Or Just A Blessing!
"I once had a guy tell me that he would find me attractive if I wasn’t fat."
"I basically went 'whew! Good thing I’m fat!'”- Low-Stick6746
“'Thanks, its a relief to know that someone like you doesn't find me attractive'”- greedthecurious
Reassuring Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphyYou Think You're The First?!
"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly, you'd think I was handsome."- GreyFoxNinjaFan
Not Afraid To Bring Your Mother Into This!
"I've got a face only a mother would love, and your mother loves me very much!"- fenris_dallocort
Learn From The Greats
"A quote from Lincoln after he was called 2 faced:"
"'If I was two faced, do you think I would choose this one to wear?'"- Layer-Motor
abraham lincoln net art GIFGiphyTell Me Something I Don't Know...
"Just go 'and?' and look at them all confused as if they just pointed out something irrelevant about you, like the color of your hair."
"People really break when you give them an anticlimactic reaction."- Particular_Fudge4856
It's sad to think that people have nothing better to do than to make demeaning comments about others.
Making them all the more deserving of all the clap-backs listed above.
Plus many, many more.
RedditorBig-Courage-7297 wanted to know what some people really thought when they looked into a mirror.
"How hot do you think you are? Why?"
Depending on the minute and the era, I fluctuate in my response. Oh, and depending on my sodium intake.
Middle of the way...
Mackenzie Ziegler Makeup GIF by Brat TVGiphy"5, am not ugly nor a beauty."
son-of-sumer
"'Perfectly balanced, as all things should be' JK... you probably look great."
math_math99
Alright
"I give myself a solid 'alright for an old guy' out of 10."
TungstenkrillYup.
"Comparing myself to when I was young I feel like a 2. However if I look around at other guys my age, I'm doing pretty great. Simply still having a full head of hair puts me in the top 15%."
sarcasticorange
"Occupying the latter half of the age bracket here too. And while I’ve never considered myself wildly attractive, one of my wife’s work friends once remarked to her, 'you didn’t tell me your husband was a silver fox!' I keep that one in my back pocket for gloomy days."
Ryanbikes2
Mama Said...
"My mom said I'm a 10/10."
gamer25677
"His mom also said I’m a 10/10. Im starting to think she says that about everyone who’s been inside her."
AlwaysMooning
"Don't listen to these jealous haters you be that 10/10 and strut your stuff."
"Learning to love yourself, doesn't mean you don't see your own flaws but know where to improve and where and how you want to grow. Appreciate the goodness within even when it's hard, and work to have your ideal to be reflected on the outside too. Loving and forgiving yourself is the greatest peace you'll know, because everyone else might be gone at the end and you'll be left with you and your memories, make good ones. Spread positivity. 💕"
SevWagoner
Changes with time...
"I think most people's scores fluctuate with age. I like to think I was a solid 8/10 in my early 20s. Then my metabolism crashed and I was working a desk job. I got real fat, got lazy, less effort, dropped to a 4/10. Got my s**t back together, lost the weight, started putting in the effort again, back up to an 8 if not higher in my 30s."
"Then I had a traumatic event in my life and I slipped into a dark place for many years. I put on weight again, stopped putting in the effort, general depression stuff, 5/10. Now I'm in my 40s, working on keeping my weight down, putting in some effort, solid 6/10..."
"But no matter what has happened, how low or high I've been... my wife has always considered me a 10. She's the best woman I've ever met and will always be a 10 to me too."
Bannon9k
Oof...
Freaks And Geeks Photo GIFGiphy"6 or 7 on a good day? 1 when I try to take a picture of myself."
baconpoutine89
God I hated picture day. Still do.
Bad Hair GIF by TV LandBless You
"I have days where I think 'God da*n, look at me. I’m God’s gift,' and then other days where I think 'how does every mirror not break?'"
Conconharni
"Actually though. Part of it is I used to be super athletic but due to an injury now can’t, but go**amn, I could look quite literally like a sculpture of a Greek god or hero, but also a balding baby-faced creep. Also occasionally homeless. More often the two latter than the former"
Walshy231231
Getting Higher
"I think I was a 6 growing up. But now that I've matured into my late 30s I'm a solid 7."
Ok-Type9999
"This is me except as a kid I’d give myself a 3. Long-haired greaseball in my teens but now in my 30s, exercising for the past decade has really helped me out. Solid 7/10."
Fine-Difference-6896
"Man, I went from 4 to 8 to 5 in the span of 20 years. Metabolism is a *itch."
ELL_YAY
Bad Views
"I just remind myself that the me that looks bad in in some pictures/at some angles is the same me that looks good in other pictures/other angles, just a different version. There are some angles and types of lighting and mirrors that for whatever reason, will make just about anybody look bad. There is no such thing as someone who looks good when the phone camera opens itself and shows a view of you from under your chin."
StreetIndependence62
Boy Magnet
ichabod crane mirror GIFGiphy"I was objectively pretty hot when I was younger. Now I am an older hot, which is weird. Younger guys really dig me but I’m like, you weren’t even born when the Challenger blew up and I was at Uni."
dearabby1
Me Too
"8/10 if you're into dad bods."
"2/10 if you're not."
mbpeters13
"This is me too. I’m tall, broad, decent muscles (especially my legs), but also a little chubby with long wavy hair and a decent beard. I always say I’m a straight 6, a twink 2, and a bear 8."
roygbivasaur
Liquid Courage
"3/10 today."
"I got bullied way too much as a kid and my self esteem is non existent."
"On a good day with makeup on and liquid courage in my system I can feel like an 7 or 8."
archangel1223
"I can relate. I did not even realise fully how much it changed me until years after it ended."
Faifainei
So am I hot?
"I used to believe that when kids smile back to you when you smile its because you are cute. Recently my young cousin said she smiled because she thought my face was funny looking when I smiled. So when i asked her if I was good looking she said, 'Hell Nah!!!'... kids have no filter. So am I hot? To that I respond HELL NAH..."
sharpie-sapien365247
Unstable
Jason Sudeikis Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Is 'not' a fair answer? Given my track record, I have astronomically poor odds of someone actually finding me attractive and wanting to take a shot on me. Then most of those people are typically very unstable."
anongentry
Oh the Vanity
"Dunno, I’m always harsh on myself. So I’d naturally rate myself low as hell, but at the the same time I don’t hate looking at myself thus making it hard for me to rate myself. I’d definitely need outsider’s perspectives on me to form that vanity better."
MilkLight
Lackluster Days
"Between 8 and 9. 9 on my best days, 8 on the lackluster ones. Strong jawline, straight-across-board-level shoulders, 6'1'', in good shape, awesome hair, sky blue eyes."
"Edit: getting an awful lot of people sending me DM's and really ridiculous replies to this. It sounds to me that I was 'supposed to say' 0/10. Food for thought guys, confidence is a good thing. Especially if it's accurate."
BurnedOutStars
Back Then
I think I'm an 8. Getting fitter and drinking less may take me above that. I base this entirely on a conversation I had with a group of girls during study hall in high school. They were bored and making a list of the hottest guys in school. They were arguing where I fall in 3rd, 4th, or 5th. I was shocked, it was a big high school.
"They may have been pulling my leg, but I have internalized the narrative that, and to this day tell myself, out of hundreds of random dudes, I consider myself in the top 5."
NotAFederales
Grow Fast
hipster beard GIFGiphy"At the moment I'm a 4 or 5 because I let myself go in the last year but when I was in shape I was definitely a solid 7. I regret shaving my beard too."
stevothepedo
"Beards grow back bro! Stay confident 💪 Hit the gym even if it’s only once a week. Start small and build back the habit, you got this!"
Eragon_
We're all beautiful. Just keep saying that. Maybe it'll stick.
Here are a few tips that I wish I had known. Reddit user Bestangela asked:
“What is an underrated way of improving your appearance?"
It’s the little things we need to be aware of as we go about our day. Minor fixes can help so much.
Stand up straight, the right way.
“Standing up straight, or at the very least with some sort of upright gait.”
-[deleted]
“This but doing it by strengthening the right muscles. Forcing yourself into a straight standing position can cause just as many postural issues and living hunched over. Source, I was a PTA for a while and now I'm a functional personal trainer.”
Nothing like a good pair of glasses.
Glasses Diamondsday GIF by Elton JohnGiphy“Glasses frames that actually fit your face structure.”
“Or just glasses that are more stylish. Lot of fashion-challenged dudes wear the same style of glasses they've worn since middle school even if they've updated the prescription.”
Like a bonsai tree.
“A lot of guys with beards don't trim them. I cringe at old pictures of myself before I knew how. Treat your beard like a bonsai tree.”
“I have long hair and a mustache at 27y/o, we're talking 1970's called and they're sending a cease and desist hidden in an LP cover of Yes to make sure he actually reads it.
I get noticed a lot because I actually take care of my hair. Oils and regular cleaning for the facial hair, beard brushes, mustache combs are cheap. Oils and balms can be crazy expensive but Google is your friend, just keep a close eye on the fragrances as they can be off putting to others especially if they're super close and quite pretty. Trim once a week is a good guideline, too often and you'll mess it up or thin it out, too long and you'll be back at square one.
For hair, it's not mentioned near enough DO RESEARCH ON THE BEST PRODUCT FOR YOU. How it reacts to the elements, the finish, the feel, there are so many pros and cons to each product. You can style a comb over perfectly and it'll feel horrible to the fingers because the product is unnecessarily stiff for your hair. As well oil-based can and will cause serious acne breakouts if you're prone to sweating, great product for the Fall but not when it's warm or you're active. Sea salt is definitely my favourite for my style as it has almost zero hold and naturally curls my hair for some surfer-bro points. It's all about giving a f***.”
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Keep trying!
“Getting a healthy quantity of sleep.”
“Currently reading this at 2:30am thinking I'll try again tomorrow.”
Stay hydrated, and don’t do drugs.
gina carano water GIFGiphy“Drink water. Dehydration can have you looking raggedy af."
“Substance abuse in general takes on a look. Working in the prison system, you can nearly pinpoint those brought in on drug offenses versus the violence offenses merely by how a person's body looks after years of substance abuse."
Bad hair parting = criminal scum.
“The way you part your hair can be a huge game-changer.”
“I remember seeing an old video on this. Some pseudo psychology about how parting it could affect a kid growing into a good citizen vs potential criminal scum. My take away was that I'm gonna be criminal scum just cause I'm left handed.”
When I think of ways to fix my appearance, the first thing I think of is fashion sense. What works best for your body type?
Accessorizing helps.
“Putting even just a bit more thought into your daily outfits.
Wearing different things that are mostly flattering, even if it was just adding a bandanna, bracelet, and wearing colors that look good together, can improve self confidence and make you stand out just a smidge more. It gives a more put together look and people will be more willing and likely to notice you. Self expression is attractive.”
You know what they say, “clothes can make the man”.
Elliana Walmsley Shopping GIF by Brat TVGiphy“Buying clothes that fit properly instead of buying the smallest size you can squeeze into.”
“Came here to say this. I am and have pretty much always been fat and always made the common mistake of wearing bigger clothes not realizing it made me look even bigger. At some point, I read somewhere that you should get proper fitting clothes so I tried it (apprehensively) but I was surprised to find I liked how I looked. Works wonders.”
It’s all in the eyes.
“Not gonna lie, a lot of my coworkers started looking a lot better at the start of this pandemic by covering the bottom of their faces. Myself included.”
“Bruh stop. With my mouth, chin, jaw covered I Iook like a goddamn supermodel and some look at me with those hungry eyes. But when I take it off, people are like "Oh..." Swear, couple of month ago I had a coworker that saw me without my mask and she just said "So, that's how you look like! I N T E R E S T I N G!
Reminds me of Bane's ‘No one cared who I was till I put on the mask.’”
It’ll be more comfortable, too.
“Wearing a properly fitted bra. Go for a proper fitting. A lot of women are wearing the wrong size bra.”
“As a long time bra fitter, 90% of the people are wearing a band size at least 2 sizes too big and a cup size 3 or 4 sizes too small.”
I recently was struggling with feeling awkward every time I looked in the mirror. Then I got bangs. And let me tell you, a good haircut frames your face so much better. You just have to find the one that's right for you.
Try implementing these shifts into your life- they'll work wonders.
No to Molly
stephen kings it clown GIFGiphyThe tattoo of a clown holding a gun smoking a joint on my leg. It was done when I was a ten in an apartment.
Antler Art
I don't know the exact English word but in German it's called "butt antlers". I'm not sure what it's actually supposed to represent but it kind of looks like you've got a deer inside your pants.
Now I want to see actual antlers tattooed as a tramp stamp.
<googles>
OK, no, I didn't really want to see that. I wouldn't click this if I were you.
https://www.tattoonow.com/gallery/tattoos/keyword/realistic~133/ass-antlers-by-chris-dingwell~36951
Kissed
Lips on the neck.
I get it, you're a gangster with an attitude problem and probably want to fight.
You get a lot of people with Albuquerque and the New Mexico State symbol tatted on them as well. ABQ is notorious for sh!tty tats... a lot of the work I've seen since living here is really bad honestly.
Joke's on You
heath ledger joker GIFGiphyNothing says "I've been to prison for cooking Meth in my trailer" like a Joker neck or face tattoo.
I knew a guy who got a green question mark because his name was Maurice and because of that song. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I am a comic book fan and told him that's the Riddler's symbol, the Joker's symbol, if any, is the Joker's face. He hung his head and was like, yeah, I know.
Uncouple Please
Couple tattoos like portraits or names. Mostly when they proudly tell you it's because they've been together for 5 months and just know they stay together forever.
The more crap a couple does to prove they're gonna be together forever, the less I believe they're gonna be together forever.
Yeehaw Fail
Sayings, especially ones that span multiple limbs/areas.
I was in the Army with a guy from Texas that thought he was hard as woodpecker lips. Had 'Cowboy The F Up' tattooed across his forearms (ostensibly so if he put his fists up to fight you, you would read it and... I don't know, be scared or something? He never got in any fights that I know of.) But due to the size he wanted it and sh!tty planning, one arm said COWBOY THE and the other arm simply read F UP. And he immediately became known as Cowboy, the f-up.
Oh Karna....
Just saw a couple of days ago a writing on some dude: "Karna isn't a witch" - just as I wrote it.
He's just expressing support for his friend Karna. She might not be a saint, but she isn't a witch.
To be fair, Karna is one of the most interesting characters of Mahabharata, a Sanskrit epic. Oh, and "Karna" literally translates to ear.
Sure hope his ear isn't a witch! :D
Stay with Adults
GiphyThose creepy faces of babies, which looks like there's a little demon on your body.
Baby face are so hard to get right. They don't have the same proportions as adults. Even drawings of babies are creepy 9/10 times.
The Neck Area
I once stood in line behind a lady who had, like, the bad tattoo parade going from the nape of her neck. She had "Only God Can Judge Me", something in Asian characters, and an ugly, faded, poorly drawn crucifix.
I hope the Asian part wasn't her name spelled out in katakana. Really common and really weird. Like you are worried about turning up unconscious in a lost-and-found in Tokyo and this is the only way they'll be able to identify you. All our names sound stupid in the katakana version.
Don't Phone My Home
Sci-Fi Movie GIF by MANGOTEETHGiphyWhen I was in college my friend was talking to some girl he worked with and she brought her very trashy, older friend.
The friend had a tattoo on her shoulder of a face. I said "you must really like E.T, that movie scared the crap out of me as a child." I was being honest, I thought it was E.T. It turns out that it was her daughter. Her daughter looked just like E.T.
How Lyrical?
Knew of a guy once who had "DUBSTEP" tattooed on his chest in VERY VERY large letters. He also insisted that dubstep was the future of music and was here to stay.
Even if it was here to stay, that's still a really stupid tattoo. It would look equally stupid to have POP or HIPHOP on your chest too.
Objection!
phoenix wright objection GIF by CheezburgerGiphyA defendant in the courtroom I clerked in during law school had "homicide" tattooed on his face, over his eyebrow. Not a great look.
Afterlife....
I work with the deceased. I've seen a direct correlation between "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME" tattoos and being a victim of gunshot homicide. Juggalo tattoos don't bode well for MVAs. Tasmanian Devils go hand in hand with gastric bleeds from chronic alcohol consumption. The clinically depressed seemed to like dolphins.
A Gift
Tattoos that are gifts from you to someone else. For example "For your birthday, I got your birth date tattooed on me!"
And tattoos with spelling errors. Example "Were you really there if you think you were their?"
I thought tattoo presents were just... paying for your friend's tattoo. I'm glad I didn't know that, and wish I could unknow it.
Oh CB....
Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on stuff. Except the one from Hot Rod with one stream of urine going on the TV set and one going on the FM radio with an AM radio safely dry in the middle on a magic carpet.
Stamped...
stamp GIF by South ParkGiphyI have a tramp stamp that says "no regrets" in very fancy cursive. It's the only tattoo my dad laughed at rather than cringed. I can judge no one.
Body parts
Ones where the person gets a tattoo of someone using either their real nipple or belly button to replace the tattoo of a person's nipple or belly button (e.g. Buddha with real belly button). That is really damn gross, don't get one.
"oh... alright let me go get set up"
My first tattoo I went to get my daughter's name and her birthday. The guy tried so hard to talk me out of it and I couldn't understand why. He goes "man a name and date is just gonna turn into a bad memory one day". And then I realized he thought this was a girlfriend or something. Told him it was my kid and he goes "oh... alright let me go get set up" haha.
More related story. My daughter's mom (ex) has my name tattooed on her wrist and I laugh to myself every time I see her.
FAQs: "he thought you were dating a child??" No I can't imagine. Probably figured it was an anniversary or just didn't look to see what the date actually was.
"Lie to Me"
I'm a tattoo artist. Had a regular come into the shop, he was an older swinger type and my coworker tattooed him.
He got Pinocchio tattooed above his junk with his penis as the nose, and script that said "Lie to Me"
I try not to judge tattoos but I figured you'd all appreciate this one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: Obligatory "wow this blew up" edit. Thanks everyone for correcting my shrug ♥️
Know what you mean....
mark wahlberg no GIF by Daddy's HomeGiphyAny tattoo with something in Chinese or Japanese written on it. I am learning Japanese coz why not, and I saw this dude with a tattoo saying sakana (fish). I was like, hey what does that mean and he said poison. He may have typed poisson into Google translate lol.
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