I hate Geometry. I always said I never needed Geometry. It was a waste of time. They said I'll use it everyday, it's imperative. Yeah... no. I knew I was right. But I was so nervous about it. Thanks guys.
It's all in Pencil
"Your permanent record. I'm 55, and nobody has ever asked me about the time I was sent to the principal's office when I was 16."
Danger
"Drug dealers. I thought people would force that drugs down my throat untill I was a broke addict. I have been offered it a few times in high school but funny enough they were all very wholesome interactions. My favorite was a guy who I had never spoken to, who had just learned I was chronically ill and he said that if I ever wanted to try anything he would give it to me for free."
"And would help me to do it safely since he knew I didn't do drugs. It was just a very pure moment and I will never forget that look of kindness and concern in his eyes. I've since been around many, many drug dealers (I think everyone in the Netherlands has) and have never been forced, tempted or manipulated to do drugs."
Yuck
"Cannibalism. Was a huge concern in late elementary to early middle school days. It was highly unlikely we'd ever crash in the Andes or that our wagon train would get stuck in the mountains in winter, but for some reason all the kids in my school were concerned about it. Should we eat someone? Could we actually do it if we had to? Who should we eat first? The fat kid will keep, but we don't want the muscular guy to lose too much weight. We were pretty messed up, I'm now realizing."
Easy Lies
"I'm 35 and I am about 90% sure I could just lie about having a bachelor's degree. Literally nobody has ever asked to see my diploma or thesis or anything. By this point in my life it's just assumed you have one if you say you do, especially since I went to a really small college most people have never heard of. They'd never check that unless I was claiming a graduate degree maybe."
Astray...
Let Me Go Love GIF by 3 Doors DownGiphy"Mom warned me to "avoid any girl who wanted to stick her tongue in my mouth ('French kiss') because it would lead me astray."
What better way to be lead astray than a lovely french kiss? Oh la la. And that permanent record scam I caught onto early in life. Although with the internet and social media, that is coming to fruition.
Movie Lies
hey arnold nicksplat GIFGiphy"Apart from infamous quicksand, I thought it would be a bigger problem being stuck in the alps and having to drink alcohol from a Saint Bernard's necklace."
Don't Swallow!
"Swallowing chewing gum."
"When I was 5, I did that many times and ended up with terrible constipation. I had to have X-rays for the doctors to check out what was going on. Our neighbor was a nurse and helped my parents give me an enema."
Flames...
"My school made me believe that I would be set on fire frequently. It has obviously not happened yet."
- hmm-mm-m
"My 50-year-old dad actually got set on fire not too long ago and he said his first reaction was to stop drop and roll like he heard in grade school and that it worked. So it may not happen very often but someday you may be thankful."
- aaronis1
"It doesn't help when you are covered in a flammable, self-oxygenating liquid. Ask me how I know..."
Good job, Mom!
"My parents both smoked before having kids, and my mom raised me on stories about how the first time she smoked a cigarette, she coughed so badly that she threw up. It made staying away from smoking cigarettes pretty easy, because I didn't want to puke!"
"Once I was in college I brought up the story to her and she blinked like an owl caught in the sunlight. "Wait, you believed me?" She said. "I was just trying to get you to not smoke. If smoking made me vomit, why do you think I smoked for 15 years?" Good job, Mom!"
All Hours
i hate everything lol GIFGiphy"My mom was obsessed with the idea that all bad sh*t only happened after midnight so that was my iron clad curfew. Guess what Mom? A ton of bad stuff has happened to me in broad daylight."
I love the night, always will. You learn the day is just as dangerous once you start watching DATELINE NBC type shows. Thanks for trying adults. Now relax a bit.
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"unannounced"
busting in season 1 GIF by Ash vs Evil DeadGiphyI love when they show up "unannounced" at someone's house and there's a film crew IN THE HOUSE!
Repeat after Me....
I worked with someone who had been on one and he said they tell you what to say and how to answer. They also mix and match the answers. They basically film you completing a set of sentences in a controlled way and then thread the narrative they're going for. It's utter nonsense end to end.
"Therapy"
Was on a kind of "documentary" years ago for British TV. The kind where the person has a problem, the TV people offer therapy, activities and fun things to solve the problem (think supersize vs superskinny) when they did the wrap up interview, the edited the hell out of the segment to get the result they wanted. To the point where they spliced audio together and made it a voice over etc.
Eg,
Original audio: This didn't solve the problem, but it's a start and I'm really optimistic.
Authors....
fail seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphyI've got an old friend who writes for a reality TV show. That's right... scripts the spontaneous stuff for actors to say.
Counting Cars
On Counting Cars. Two scruffy dudes in torn clothes and biker tattoos entering someone's garage unannounced and the homeowner is like, "Hi, how are you guys?"
I've noticed this too. Not to mention, scruffy guys driving alongside you, asking you too pull over so they can get a better look at your car; then asking if they can drive your car. The number of antique cars with completely trusting owners is not realistic. Not to mention they buy many of these cars on the spot. I like the show enough to overlook the obvious staging.
Let's Date?
A German satirist once managed to sneak an actor he hired into one of those reality TV dating shows and while the character he created already was very weird; the TV channel that produced the dating show made him completely over the top.
The whole thing is on youtube with english subtitles even. It's brilliant.
Consent
I acted as a lawyer for a reality TV show many years ago. They fired me when I started advising them that they needed informed consent from participants to appear. They said that was impossible, and in any event, half the participants are mentally unwell anyway. I said that just makes me even more certain you need informed consent, and in that case, make sure you have a fully qualified mental health professional sign off of the capability of the prospective participant to give informed consent.
I have not worked for any reality TV shows since.
So much to splice...
f for fake film GIFGiphyI have a friend who worked as an editor for reality shows a few years back. The thing I remember him telling me is that because they shoot so much footage, he can make any storyline the producers want with it.
For 5 Minutes....
I saw something about those shows where young people live in a house together, go out and get drunk and pick up randoms to take back to the house and have sex with.
Well the production companies have a duty of care to the drunk randoms, so they are taken away from the "celebs" made to sober up enough to provide consent, provide full ID and sign a waiver.
They then meet back up with their match and go have sex on camera and then get put in a cab home.
When I thought they were just drunk it was bad enough, but when you realize they have been sitting around sobering up and still go do this it's just sickening what people will do for 5 minutes of "fame".
Again & Again
basketball wives smh GIF by VH1GiphyThe retakes. Endless retakes. It's tiresome. You think filming has wrapped up but then have to do pickups. The stuff someone messed up on and there can be many.
Not Their Issue
This is a really interesting piece by someone who was in Masterchef but never signed the required NDA, allowing them to be really open about the whole process.
"In the "MasterChef" contract, which a casting director later told me was essentially identical to those of most reality competition shows, they asked me to agree to be subjected to physical and mental distress, to agree to have my medical history used in any way that they wanted and to use it in perpetuity, to agree that my family would likely not be contacted in the case of an emergency.
They asked me to release the show and its employees from liability for any injury to myself from risks both known and unknown. They asked that I release them from liability from the social and economic losses that could result and to please note that the consequences could be substantial and could permanently change the future for me, my family, friends and significant others."
Bear
bear grylls yes GIF by NBCGiphyA friend of my family worked uncredited with Bear Grylls for man vs wild. Because Grylls is at the end of the day an actor (although pretty knowledgeable about what he's talking about) he's required to be insured by his studio. In comes family friend.
Before an episode, family friend (a former british army paratrooper) attends a meeting with Grylls, and his team, who tell him where Grylls wants to go, and what he wants to do while there (EG: The congo, build a raft, survive via fishing, and set up a tree shelter). Family friend is then jetted off to the place in question with his own team, and the group of them mess around in the wilderness, seeing how viable Grylls's plan is.
After a few weeks they jet back, and inform the company about the hazards, validity, and expected cost. This allows the production company to correctly determine any insurance, gear, safety issues, and plan out Grylls's survival trip.
Family friend has some really good stories about being in survival situations, and is always really blasé about things like "oh yeah we picked out a cave to camp in, and a bear tried to eat us lol'.
The Top 100
I was offered top 100 in an early season of a singing show in Australia. I rejected it because the contract they wanted me to sign had a non-compete clause that stated that even if they didn't use me, I wouldn't have been able to release music independently for 2 years and not have been able to release music with a competing label for 5 years. In retaliation they used my footage but heavily edited my voice and used footage of the judges saying "no" instead of "yes". I also wasn't allowed to discuss it publicly for a number of years and am never allowed to use that show's name in conjunction with my career.
I also had a family friend who won a cooking show here in Australia as well. The final was filmed about a month before it aired, after filming the winning contestant, they re-set everything up and then filmed the other person winning. This was so if it got leaked that the intended winner had indeed won, they would switch the footage and air the loser winning instead (giving them the prizes instead). Luckily for me one of their family members told me in secret and I won a couple hundred betting on them to win whilst they were weren't considered a favourite.
We All Know
I live where a show is filmed and have had friends on it twice. The entire premise of each episode was completely fake. Not a single bit of what was happening was real at all. And they told one of my friends--who is an expert on the item he was talking about--what to say because the real description he gave of the item wasn't dramatic enough for the show. So, the description that made it to tv is not even accurate--it's fantasy made up by the producers.
Another friend was on a different reality tv show. In it, he gets caught doing something he isn't supposed to do and is thrown out by security. It's portrayed in the show as if this is all actually happening. Nope. He was hired as an actor to come in and break the rules to get kicked out. Everyone was in on it.
Pre-Ordained
Classic not be, but... A friend of mine has a sister who made it to the X-Factor semifinal 10+ years ago. From around their second or third audition, she signed a contract that specifically said how far she would make it before she got sent home. Everything was planned from her first televised act (there is a pre-audition or two that isn't shown on TV where they select the contestants). The bands and singers that made it to the final also knew beforehand, but my friend's sister told us that she wasn't sure if they were told exactly who was going to win.
Also, if you don't have a tragic nor specifically interesting story to tell when you're interviewed, they'll make up a sob-story themselves. Of course it's been so many years since she was on the show that a lot of things can have changed, but this is how it was back then.
They Own You
i had a friend who was going to go on one of those tv talent shows but wanted me to look at the contract first because i knew quite a bit about the music industry. the contract was horrible. like i've seen some crappy contracts in my time but never any this bad. basically you had to scrub your online history, they own any song ideas/covers you ever posted online, any original songs you come up with now belongs to the record company, the contract you're signed to a 6 album deal if you come in top 5.
And if you try to get out the contract then you'll have to pay them back any money they put into you along with any money they claim your music "lost" which was really just you not meeting projections. you'll also have little control over your artistic voice but will still be blamed if they don't think the songs are good enough, even if you were working with the song writers they force on you.
The Shill
GiphyProbably already pretty well known, but on House Hunters, the people looking to buy a house have already bought and signed a contract on their chosen house.
The two other homes they are shown are "shill" properties that might or might not even be for sale. If the house is shown fully furnished, it's a shill. I have friends who were on the show years ago and still laugh about their great acting jobs pretending to be interested in houses that weren't even on the market.
Not so Great
I work in reality and docuseries. Can answer specific questions if you have them. The turnaround time in renovation shows means that the quality is atrocious. Never let your house be used in a renovation/rehab show. You'll end up paying almost full price for crap quality. I would say the only exemption is something like Grand Designs where they document the building process but don't interfere with it at all.
The Bigger they Get
Anyone ever work with "Impractical Jokers"? I love their show, but I don't understand how the people they prank don't recognize them.
I have for some years. As the years have gone on, the boys have gotten bigger and it's gotten to be more of an issue. But they also put a big premium on real interactions.
It may take longer now, but it's all a numbers game of approaching enough people. If they are recognized, they may swap out who is "on the floor" or take a short break until the crowd has changed enough to go back out. I have nothing but nice things to say about how hard they work to make it real.
person holding black remote control
person holding black remote controlPhoto by Erik Mclean on UnsplashWant to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
One Reddit user asked:
What is an absolute truth that no one wants to hear?
We're not gonna lie. A lot of the stuff in here is a total buzz-kill, however honest it may be. Yes, we can learn from it all - but it's totally normal to be kind of bummed out about it all first.
Proceed with caution if you're in a position where the wind might be easily sucked out of your sails.
Preaching To The Choir
artie abrams choir GIFGiphyAt least pertaining to Reddit where US politics are concerned...
We are not a good representation of the voting population in the United States. Mainstream Reddit and the Twitterverse are but a small part of actual voters. Regardless of how overwhelmingly in support of a candidate we all might be, it's not a good indicator of how much support someone (like Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders) actually have.
Less a fact and more my opinion now: I think Reddit tends to do their political activism on Reddit only, to where they receive overwhelming support...from other Reddit users. It does nothing for their actual community or spreading a message, while still giving them the satisfaction of having made an impact. I think it's important to remember not to get complacent just because a bunch of Reddit/Twitter users support your views and your candidate. We are a very small potion of a much larger population, and we tend to do too much preaching to the choir, so to speak.
Mistakes Were Made
"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not failure that is life." -Captain Jean Luc Picard
Conversely, it is possible to make many, many mistakes and come out ahead and people forget that.
They think taking a real risk is out of the question because of past "mistakes." And they feel like they cannot afford more mistakes. Like it's been too long, they haven't done enough, etc. And they don't push through and then they're staring at a wall at 29 going "holy s**t, I thought it was too late when I was 20. Now I'm 29 and it's definitely too late." But then you're 52 going "man my 29 year old self should have made some more mistakes, they could have handled it." Etc. I'm not 52 but I read and interact a lot with people older than me.
Anyway all this is to say mistakes are neutral markers of what works and what doesn't. Doesn't work, fix it. Works, improve it or keep it the same.
So take a risk, life's a gamble. Buy the ticket, take the ride, all that jazz.
Love
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean they will love you back. No matter how hard you try to get them to, they just won't.
- hei_fei
You can't love someone into loving you. Gotta keep telling myself that one.
I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago because I no longer had feelings for him. He's still not over it and has been acting like a psychopath. I think I made the right decision. You can't force someone to have feelings for you by harassing them and their friends.
You know what's an even harder realization, even if you both love each other, it doesn't mean you can make a relationship work.
You'll Be Forgotten
After a generation or two after your death, no one alive will have any memories of you. Your life, everything you did, and all of your struggles and achievements will all be forgotten. You'll just be another one of the billions of forgotten souls whose names, faces, and life stories have all been lost to time.
Strangely uplifting, reminds me that I don't have to do jacksh!t to impress people - among other things
Remember all that time before you were born? And how people didn't know you were going to exist? It was just nothingness. Not good or bad, happy or sad. That's what it will be like generations after you pass.
- Zachsyd
Easy As Pie
Life is easier for attractive people.
I once went on vacation with one of my very attractive friends. I was absolutely floored at the amount of people that just went out of their way to help us, give us free stuff etc. But I also noticed if someone ever told her no she would lose her sh!t. She just wasn't used to it.
When I was thin, I never noticed it. Then some stuff happened and I gained a bunch of weight. I was stuck in my house during the period I gained weight so it was just a total 180 when I was able to go out again. I'm no morbidly obese or anything and no one is mean to me, but people just aren't as nice as they used to be.
I never realized it until it was gone.
Attractive people just don't realize the benefits of being attractive. People just gravitate to you more, it's easier to make friends (of both sexes), it's easier to connect with people and you're given more opportunities as a result.
It's not even about sexual attraction (though it can be) but people just naturally gravitate to you more.
I never realized how much that was true until it went away.
I noticed this going the other way. Even as a guy (where theoretically it seems to matter less), I noticed more positive attention and agreeableness from most everyone than I had before. It's not that they were rude or dismissive before or anything. It's that I got glossed over and ignored more frequently.
The most uncomfortable part is, after noticing this change in behavior, I realized I've always been guilty of it too. I'm not mean to less attractive or heavier people, but I do focus on them less when I'm not actively engaged in conversation with them.
It's weird. And subtle.
Exact same thing happened to me. I'd been overweight to mildly obese all my life. Then, about 10 years ago I dropped a lot of weight and discovered exercise. Without false modesty, I look quite ok now. I really notice how people are just so much nicer to me.
It used to be that people either try to ignore me, or show strained smiles because they have to. Now I get attention, people flirt with me and do not get annoyed when I ask them to do something for me. I honestly did not expect how different people would treat you.
And just like you, I only became aware that I do this too when it happened to me.
- saugoof
Nobody Else Cares That Much
GiphyYour spouse/child/home/job/vacation, etc. is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.
Yeah I have a friend who goes on and on about his daughter.
I really don't care and it's boring, but he enjoys talking about her so much and I'm happy to see a father so consistently excited about his kid. So, ya have to listen and seem interested - I'm sure people give me the same kindness about a few things too.
The deeper cut on this is that that's okay. You're supposed to care deeply about the things in your own life, and other people not caring about them doesn't make them less important.
This is one of the things Instagram culture has taken away from us -- the idea that you're doing great even if nobody likes the photos of the breakfast you made or knows who you are.
For most of human history, most of our emphasis and energy was spent on our families and immediate communities. Now we're all flailing to "matter" to a bunch of strangers we probably wouldn't like in person and it's wrecking our brains.
Family Tree
Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are a good person.
Also, to add to this, just because someone is related to you, doesn't mean you have to like or tolerate them. Sometimes for people, friends are your true family because they accept you for who you are. They choose to stick around with you. Not because they have to.
I don't speak to my abusive father and never will again, nor his side of the family. I'm estranged from one of my sisters already and I don't like most of my extended family. I do not appreciate their morals.
You won't lose much at all by cutting some family ties (circumstances depend though, ofc). You'll be much happier in the long run once you establish your life, who you are and what you need/want for your future.
- danyatma
Just Cuz
No matter how nice you are, some people will be a$$holes to you just cuz.
As an avid people pleaser that takes it very personally when people don't like me, I have to remember this!
Working in retail is going to be the death of me. People can be such unbelievable a$holes. Just because you're having a bad day/life doesn't mean you can take it out on the girl working in the store you're buying flowers from! And it's always the elderly that are the meanest, in my experience. I'm so glad for masks because I don't have to fake smile anymore.
Challenging
You need to have your views challenged. Being around and positively engaging with people who disagree with you is one of the healthiest intellectual practices we can do.
Okay, but I hold my views for a reason. I'm not interested in being "challenged" on whether LGBTQ people deserve respect or whether poor people should be left to die by society or whether it's okay to lock people in cages away from their families because they wanted a better life. I'm just f*ckin' not interested.
And that's what people mean when they talk about "having your views challenged" or "a fair and balanced discussion" - they mean giving equal weight to cruel, bigoted, or outright nonsensical ideas. You can miss me with that sh!t.
- NikkoJT
So long as that engagement is in good faith. Don't waste your time or emotional health engaging with a bad faith arguer
My beloved late boss was a man with many businesses and a large staff. I was fairly new and told him in a meeting that his latest idea wouldn't work and why I thought so. You could have heard a pin drop in that room! I was later informed by others not to do that, ever. He and I started working closer together and I was always honest with him when I thought he was wrong. I always told him he had enough yes men. Needless to say as the years went on he sold off most of his holdings and I was his one lone employee until the end. He always told me that he needed someone to challenge him and give him a different view. He was a wise man and a wonderful mentor and I will always be grateful for the knowledge I got from him. Even smart people need to be challenged sometimes.
You're In Your Own Way
You are probably the cause of your own problems because you refuse to look within yourself and deal with it.
(To be explicit, some people do have a variety of problems that are imposed upon them for a variety of reasons. But that still doesn't mean responding in such a way that it exacerbates everything.)
- Hynjia
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Oh Jerry....
Cheese Pizza Fight GIF by The Jerry Springer ShowGiphyI was on an episode of Jerry Springer back in the day. I saw my episode on TV a few years later and it might be the most cringe worthy thing I've ever done/seen. The trip was a blast though.
Also, I have 4 nipples. Those 2 things are unrelated though.
being 7....
When I was 7 I stepped on a pop can while barefoot and cut my big toe off.
The woman I had my first serious relationship with is now in jail for murder.
Archive of Our Own...
I used to have a really popular fan fiction account on Archive of Our Own, my top post got something like 30,000 views. I just went back and read them, and I am confused as to how they were so successful. I wrote about musical theatre, Glee, rock bands, and some of my favorite books. I sadly no longer have any links, the other day I found copies of my works in google documents which have since been deleted. I really appreciate your interest, though!
The Flushing Girl....
Shocked The Nanny GIFGiphyI just have to see Fran's outfit to tell you which The Nanny episode it is and to give you a short recap of it.
I can do something similar with Criminal Minds and Reid's haircut. I can tell the exact season, usually the episode just by a screenshot of only that character. It's such a weird skill that I never asked for.
Maury?
I was not the father on a popular trash tv show, I didn't jump for joy or try to hog the camera. I came in knowing that it was extremely unlikely that the child was mine took the test for peace of mind and went home. I don't tell people because in hindsight it was extremely embarrassing for me. I had to share a stage with a lot more guys than I was expecting, some of which were total scumbags. The company she kept made me ask myself a lot of questions.
Second Nature....
I hardly ever bend over to pick up things when I'm at home. I almost exclusively use my toes and pick things up with my feet. Im really really good at it too. I'm so proud because my kids all have the same prowess as their old man, it's like second nature now.
kaboom!
I made homemade explosives my first year in college with simple household ingredients. I stopped the night I was nearly caught, like I had suddenly realized that what I was doing was not a simple prank.
I think about that every now and again when someone says that people are not fully formed adults until later in their twenties.
I don't know about him, but my dumb butt made an explosive when I was younger. Didn't really know what I was doing just wondered what would happen if I took a bunch of sparklers, wrapped them in tape, and then light them. Crap is dangerous as hell and they sell that crap to super cheap for little kids to play with.
happy angler fish GIF by Microsoft Education
I'm not looking....
I can identify major credit card brands by their first digit, thanks to a seasonal job I had 11 years ago. 4 is Visa, 5 is Mastercard, 6 is Discover. AmEx starts with 3, which will always be followed by either 4 or 7. AmEx cards also have fewer digits but longer security codes.
I also just set my keys down and don't know where they are. So I guess a fun fact about myself is that my short term and working memory are absolute trash, but I have a pretty great long term memory.
Smartypants....
danny devito wow GIF by QuickBooksGiphyI worked really hard studying for the SATs back in the day, and I raised my score from 1100 to 1540 out of 1600. I'm proud of that, but I can't exactly go around bragging.
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