My one dog, Juliet, is the worst. She will actually scratch at my leg and then when I turn to say "WHAT?" she will dramatically, a la Scarlett O'Hara, twist and throw herself to the floor. I can actually feel the vapors. Like really girl? Who else knows what I'm talking about?
Head First
Happy John Oliver GIF by Last Week Tonight with John OliverGiphyMy dog head butts me in the leg. She walks over, and head butts my leg. Then she holds her head against my leg and won't move until I scratch behind her ears long enough to please her majesty.
Cornered
My cat learned pretty quickly that if he messes with the papers on the counter, he gets attention. It's negative attention, but he gets it and apparently loves it because he'll sit down and get comfortable and just start flipping his paw through it like it's his paperwork. If I ignore that he escalates to biting off corners. He knows that'll get me every time.
Poop Gifts
Our dog bring us toys when she needs to go potty. And when you let her outside to the deck you have to tell her to go down to the grass, or she'll forget why she's outside and sit at the door. Smart.
Fighting Fur
Mine attacks my other cat. He knows if he does that I have to get up to break it up. I don't know how to break this cycle. If I ignore it, he gets frustrated and takes it out even worse on the other cat. People are like "Just ignore him", but I don't really want a full blown cat fight happening, fur all over my apartment, and my other cat being beaten up because my first cat is a jerk (who is currently curled up, sleeping contentedly against my leg).
Gnawing
guinea pig eating GIFGiphyGuinea pig grips the cage door with her teeth, shaking it so loud it sounds like an old washing machine on spin cycle.
See, these fools know what they're doing. My other dog, Rocco, he will stare at me. I mean like serial killer, no blinking, stare me down dead. Then every few minutes lick one lip. Just one. He's a bit much. Just like that guinea pig. Moving on...
Creepy Cat
Cat Ear GIF by swerkGiphyMy cat has found that licking my lips wakes me up pretty quickly.
Mine too! I don't mind the kisses though. I just give him the attention he wants. My fiancé says, he gets on my pillow during the night and stares at me. And he'll do that all through the night. He must get enough of me sleeping and can't wait a moment longer. Once I'm awake he will come near me and raise a paw to let me know he wants attention. Such a little gentleman.
The Mat
My new cat started scratching at my standing mat in my home office (NO!!!) so the second she scratched at the wood bridge I put in the kitchen to link the top of the cabinets for her, I gave her treats. I continue to reward her for scratching there, even if it's just attention. She will escalate to scratching at other things up there but none of it matters so I just give her attention for that. She has not touched the mat since so I guess it worked.
RESET
Oh No Facepalm GIFGiphyMy cat thinks she can "reset" the affection/attention levels by leaving and reentering the room.
If I leave my cat alone for a while, she'll eventually leave... only to come right back a few minutes later, pretending like it's the first time that day that she's seen me.
Funny thing is it works.
Popcorning?
Oh, I have 2 guinea pigs and they get my attention by flipping over their igloos, then popcorning on them.
I had to look up what popcorning was. Oh my god that's adorable!!
Tip: when you look up something, share it here.
Popcorning is the name for those crazy leaps your guinea pig does in the air, and there's a reason for it. If your little piggy is bucking, squealing, and just generally acting crazy, then you're probably looking at a popcorning guinea pig.
McUluld
"The Attention Spot"
White Dog GIFGiphyThe way our living area is set up, we have a short couch in front of our computers with a dog bed at armrest-height next to my partner. It's really only a big enough space for one dog.
We have a collie mix and a gshep mix. When the collie has decided the gshep has been in "The Attention Spot" for too long, he will run to the front door, bark a "Mailman is Here" alarm, and the gshep will run to the assigned Barking Position at the guest bedroom window.
Then the collie will casually claim The Attention Spot while the gshep frantically barks at nothing.
Clever little menace.
Little Noises
I stopped working in 2019 for health reasons, and my cat has gotten used to me being home every day. When she wakes up, she squeaks/yowls at me until I follow her to the couch, where I have to sit down and put a blanket on my lap so she can curl up and get her morning pets. She's got me trained pretty well.
I'm glad I'm not alone. But regardless of their suspicious actions, we'll never stop loving them and trying to vie for their attentions. Maybe not my cat. She likes to jump, from and to everywhere, and it freaks me out. I prefer she stay upstairs. LOL...
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Idiot Reaction GIFFlipped
He would try to jump around, parkour style, desk to desk, all class long. Sometimes would fall comically, breaking things and falling in people, trying to get a laugh. Constantly redirected for trying to do run flips on the wall, telling horrible jokes, or balance large objects on himself. He always wanted attention; we just wanted to learn beginning french.
We all, including the teacher, took to ignoring him. One day he couldn't handle people not paying attention to him, so he tried to see if he, for the first time ever, could do a backflip. Landed on his neck. Was out of class for a long while.
The Hit
He put a hit of acid into our woodshop teacher's coffee.
Fortunately, our woodshop teacher recognized the onset and immediately called into the office and said that he's leaving right now as he's feeling very unwell but will remain in class until a replacement arrives. We had a teacher fill in in about fifteen minutes and our woodshop teacher left.
At lunch, we saw that his car was still parked in the parking lot. This was well before cell phones so there's no way he called someone. Come to find out, he ran to a local park and "waited out the storm" as he realized that he was dosed with acid and that he was a teen in the 70's so, he knew.
The next day, he taught class as normal and didn't mention it.
Buffoon
black and white eyes GIFGiphyPierced his ears in the middle of class then used a pair of earrings he was given from the bottom of some random girls purse. This all happened while the teacher was asleep.
Another one hid a bunch of dead fish in the ceiling tiles the day before summer break. The school reeked for many months.
Speechless
The kid just kinda made a joke of it, didn't apologize.
Joking around how the class was crap and he'd rather die, took off his tie and stood up in front of the class and pretended to hang himself.
Teacher just came back to work from a looong break after finding her son hanging in his room.
None of us knew thats why she was off work but I remember her face going white and just seeing her heart break all over again when he done that. Safe to say nobody even laughed.
Sorry Mrs. T
In math class, we were watching a video on some material I already forget, and the video was around 2 minutes long. Once the video ends, the "Class Clown" says "That video lasted about as long as your last marriage, Mrs. T"
Mrs. T's husband had died a few days after their 1-year anniversary.
Sing Out Louise!
This was like early-mid 90s.
This girl in 4th or 5th grade just kept pushing the teacher until she finally just told the girl something like "Fine! you want to run the class, then it's the ____ show go ahead!" So the girl went up in front of the classroom and sang and danced and yelled for 15 minutes to get everyone's attention. The teacher just went to the back of the room and wrote her up.
RIPPED!
Class clown decided he was going to rip a loud fart during the middle of a test and ended up pooping his pants on accident.
1999
This is 1999. It's been 6 months since Columbine. We're attending school about 40 miles away from Littleton. 'Lockdown Drills' just became a thing. Due to our proximity, ours involve the local police drilling alongside us, clearing rooms, etc etc. Might just be publicity, might not.
We're all lined up against a wall in our dark-as-hell room, and the class clown grabs a stapler off the desk, snaps it open (so it's fully extended but not dumping staples), then whips it against a kid's leg next to him, driving a staple into his kneecap.
Of course the kid screams bloody freaking murder. Three dudes in full tactical gear stream in, take like six seconds to grab the class clown, drag him out. Literally never saw the kid again. Don't know if he got sent to expulsion school or what, but he was like a ghost.
You bet your butt we minded our P's and Q's during every lockdown drill after that.
Slammed!
fight mma GIF by BellatorGiphyHe decided to try and fist fight the teacher and got taken down in a mortal kombat style bodyslam, by the teacher.
Held Back
He got kept back in class over break as a punishment for being too annoying, or something along the lines of that. The teacher then needed to leave the class to go and photocopy something, and he got up and started messing around at her desk. When he saw her coming back into the room, he thought it would be funny to bolt over to the door and slam it as hard as he could on her hand. She broke two fingers and had a bad panic attack. He got suspended for two days and the school tried to press charges on him.
All the Stops
gordon ramsey idiot GIFGiphyHigh school trip to London. Finally boarding plane after MANY security stops after a bombing scare in the city. Get to our seat at he says "Yeah! We got he bomb on board!" as a joke. Had to wait 4+ hours for team to search the plane.
Damn Derrick
In 6th grade (1991) our class clown put a tack on someone's chair. His victim screamed so loud that it startled everyone and the clowns laugh turned serious immediately.
You're evil Derrick.
Saw that happen in person once. It was not funny. The guy who sat on it was in real pain.
You're a moron Jamie.
The Whistle
Recruiting most of the class via text to download a dog whistle app, so whenever the teacher called him out and took his phone away someone else could do it and emit a high pitch sound that was hard to tell where it was coming from and his name would be cleared until he would do it again. This ending with tears on the teachers side and went on for almost a week as the teacher was too kind for discipline and eventually ended when the teacher left her job and chose a different field.
In the Ceiling
My favorite science teacher's room had a drop ceiling. Every day, after school, I'd take a yardstick and randomly select a single ceiling tile to lift up and place askew out of its frame. The science classroom was cluttered as hell so it didn't look too obvious.
After three weeks I'd moved fifteen panels out of place and the teacher hadn't noticed.
On the fourth week, she suddenly noticed, and thought her freshman homeroom class had done it all at once, that morning, as a prank while she wasn't looking. She yelled at them for fifteen minutes about disrespecting her classroom and then made them all put the ceiling tiles back in their correct positions.
I never fessed up after seeing how angry she was. I thought it was a good, harmless prank but based on her reaction I obviously didn't read the situation correctly.
Silly Billy
The time that this happened was when this kid, we'll call him Billy, came back from the bathroom. We were told that we were getting a new student, who had a little bit of autism. When Billy got word of that, he sat up and said, "Hey, Teacher, we're getting an autistic kid, right?" The teacher nodded, then Billy squatted and flailed his arms while wildly screeching. The whole class, including the teacher was mortified. I'm just glad he got in trouble and couldn't go to recess. We were in 5th grade btw.
Over Lax
Poop Pooping GIF by NETFLIXGiphyHe put laxatives in the teacher's coffee and crap just went crazy. He ended up getting suspended and the teacher tried pressing criminal charges on him.
Sleeping With the Fishes
This wasn't at the school I went to (the students from my school had a city-wide reputation for being a bunch of theater kids, teacher's pets, and snobs), but a school one town over where I did a placement when I was fifteen. During those three weeks, some jokesters who were, apparently, the class clowns of their grade, decided to pour chocolate milk into the school's fish tank (which wasn't very big).
This was on a Friday afternoon, but the teachers only found out about it Monday noon. By then, all the fish had died already. I can't tell you how the students in question were punished, that was handled privately. But it was decided that for the foreseeable future, there would be no more fish.
Bad Girls
These two girls were always really mean to the German teacher and constantly pushing her buttons. One day, they broke into the German class trailer before school and covered everything with pads and tampons that had been colored to look like they were used.
She didn't come back to school after Thanksgiving break.
Blazed
He made weed brownies in culinary class that were distributed to teachers. Lots of blazed (and very confused) teachers that day. He got caught and had to pay a huge fine and serve like three weekends in jail.
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