People Are Emailing Thousands Of Love Letters To Trees. Yes, Trees Have Emails Now.
I think that I shall never see. A poem lovely as a tree…." ~ Joyce Kilmer
Or... Australia remains the biggest troll country that has ever existed.
The City of Melbourne, Queensland, Australia set up a program in 2013 which assigned city trees specific email addresses.
Now wait, there was a good reason.
In the event of a falling branch or other dangerous occurrence, city officials could act in a timely fashion with help from the public.
Instead, what has been happening, is the people of Melbourne have been sending elaborate love letters via email to the trees.
The text of the love letters range from sounding like something out of a Jane Austen novel:
"My dearest Ulmus,"
"As I was leaving St. Mary's College today I was struck, not by a branch, but by your radiant beauty. You must get these messages all the time. You're such an attractive tree."
Ulmus, the green-leaf elm, was likely flattered.
To asking questions:
"To: Golden Elm, 21 May 2015"
"I'm so sorry you're going to die soon. It makes me sad when trucks damage your low hanging branches. Are you as tired of all this construction work as we are?"
To a list of thanks:
"To: Algerian Oak, 2 February 2015
Dear Algerian oak,"
"Thank you for giving us oxygen."
"Thank you for being so pretty."
"I don't know where I'd be without you to extract my carbon dioxide. (I would probably be in heaven) Stay strong, stand tall amongst the crowd."
"You are the gift that keeps on giving."
"We were going to speak about wildlife but don't have enough time and have other priorities unfortunately."
"Hopefully one day our environment will be our priority."
Others wrote as other kinds of trees, communicating with their tree-friends across the pond:
"To: Oak, 11 February 2015"
"How y'all?"
"Just sayin how do."
"My name is Quercus Alba. Y'all can call me Al. I'm about 350 years old and live on a small farm in N.E. Mississippi, USA. I'm about 80 feet tall, with a trunk girth of about 16 feet. I don't travel much (actually haven't moved since I was an acorn). I just stand around and provide a perch for local birds and squirrels."
"Have good day,"
Al"
And eventually the trees started answering people back:
"To: Green Leaf Elm, 29 May 2015
Dear Green Leaf Elm,"
"I hope you like living at St. Mary's. Most of the time I like it too."
"I have exams coming up and I should be busy studying. You do not have exams because you are a tree."
"I don't think that there is much more to talk about as we don't have a lot in common, you being a tree and such. But I'm glad we're in this together."
"Cheers,
F"
The Green Leaf Elm replied with:
"29 May 2015
Hello F,"
"I do like living here.
"I hope you do well in your exams. Research has shown that nature can influence the way people learn in a positive way, so I hope I inspire your learning.
"Best wishes,
Green Leaf Elm"
A willow leaf peppermint and a curious onlooker ended up having a conversation about gender being non-binary.
"To: Willow Leaf Peppermint, 29 January 2015"
"Hello Mr Willow Leaf Peppermint, or should I say Mrs Willow Leaf Peppermint?"
"Do trees have genders?"
"I hope you've had some nice sun today."
"Regards
L"
After which a brief lesson in dendrology occurred:
"30 January 2015
Hello"
"I am not a Mr or a Mrs, as I have what's called perfect flowers that include both genders in my flower structure, the term for this is Monoicous. Some trees species have only male or female flowers on individual plants and therefore do have genders, the term for this is Dioecious. Some other trees have male flowers and female flowers on the same tree. It is all very confusing and quite amazing how diverse and complex trees can be."
"Kind regards,
Mr and Mrs Willow Leaf Peppermint (same Tree)"
While a red cedar weighed in on the EU debt crisis in the wake of Brexit:
"Western Red Cedar, 1 July 2015
Hi Tree,"
"Are you worried about being affected by the Greek debt crisis? Should Greece be allowed to stay in the European Union?"
"Regards,
Troy"
To which Red Cedar replied:
"2 July 2015
Hi Troy,"
"I seem to remember the Greeks razed you to the ground one time—are you still angry at them?"
"Greece is not out of the woods yet, but may be out of the EU….Some say that they should be allowed to devalue their currency in order to recover their economy, but the EU will not allow them to do that. Some say that it is partly the austerity program, which has made it this bad. They say austerity was a disaster for Russia after the breakup of the Soviet Union and for the recovery of Asia from the GFC…"
"I don't know, but then I'm only a tree."
"Regards,
Western Red Cedar"
Who knew trees had such insightful things to say about current geopolitical debt crises?
If nothing else, it is encouraging to see how much Melbourne cares for its trees.
And somewhat therapeutic, likely, for passers-by to share their deep-seeded-tree-centric feelings.
What a cool unintended consequence.
Relationship Adverse Man Looks To DTR With Male Roommate, Worries The Conversation Will Jeopardize Everything
Come and knock on our door...
A Redditor needed some advice for a life changing situation involving, of course, love... they asked... Me [32 M] with my "roomate" [31 M], how do I ask him to be my boyfriend when we pretty much are already a couple?
Here is how the story goes... I'll be the first to admit, I have huge commitment issues- my parents threw me out for being gay and then shortly after I entered into an abusive relationship with a much older man. After that broke up because he found someone younger, I was in a relationship with a guy who was in the closet and basically was his dirty secret until he got engaged to a woman without telling me and then wanted me to stick around. I didn't. After that I became pretty anti relationship.
I'm pretty well known for being anti-relationship too, especially in my circle of friends.
About 18 months ago, I met Alan at a supermarket, we made eye contact, flirted a lot and I invited him back to my place for a drink when he invited me back to his place when he saw that I was just grabbing a frozen meal, whereas he was going to cook. So of course I accepted.
We started a FWB thing after that but then slowly started hanging out outside of the bedroom.
Then Alan's lease was up and I was wanting a housemate so I asked him if he was interested- he couldn't afford it but I told him he could pay what he was currently paying and he could cook and kept the house clean.
He agreed because he was essentially paying for a single bedroom apartment and living in a house and he loves cooking and cleaning anyway, his personality reminds me a lot of Monica from Friends only he works in a library.
Before I knew it, I was getting packed lunches every day and he's made a vegetable patch in the backyard.
About 2 months after he moved in, he brought up being mutually exclusive FWB after an STI scare. I agreed because I actually hadn't slept with anyone except Alan for ages and neither had he. So after we got tested again we stopped using condoms.
Then a few months after that- Alan wanted to join the gym so I added him to my membership as my partner. We turn up to events with each other. We hang out a lot. He sleeps in my room more often than his room because we have sex there the most.
Then last week we were at a party when someone asked what our relationship was. Alan laughed, looked at me straight in the eye and said that we were "mutually exclusive, housemates with benefits with income proportional expense sharing."
Now that just sounds ridiculous. I know I have a boyfriend, I've been sort of denying it all this time but that's what Alan is.
This situation is both really screwed up but I've also never been happier. He's so easy to talk to, to hang out with and when he's not at home I feel bored, like I don't know what I did with myself before I met him.
But somehow I both want him to be my boyfriend but a part of me is scared of getting in a relationship, even though I am in one.
I just feel like saying the words will change everything- it's a commitment and I really want it but there's that irrational part of me that is scared.
Also I'm scared that Alan doesn't think we're in a relationship even though we are right? Alan has never had a boyfriend as long as I've know him and he has his own set of issues too, he's parents basically tried to "pray away the gay" and he left of his own volition. He used to bring up very subtly about getting more serious but I would just evade and he stopped pushing. It's so weird, like I can talk to him about everything and anything, we have these amazing conversations but lately this whole boyfriend thing is like the elephant in the room.
How do I get over this fear of commitment and also what does it say that he'd put up with this crap from me?