"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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These guys might have a few ideas. Reddit user Eicaker asked:
Boys, if it was considered more universally acceptable, what is a "girly" thing you would like to do?
Weirdly enough, a lot of these so-called “girly” things are just basic human decency.
Be the change, dudes!
“Hug people more/compliment people more, I'm a guy and whenever I do any of those things people think I'm being weird and it's so annoying.”
“In a weird way I wish I was a girl, but not because of any girl thing except for how supportive and friendly they are, particularly with other girls. It sounds like an easy way to make a lot of friends.”
This is so sweet.
Music Video Singing GIF by FaouziaGiphy“I brush my friends hair and she taught me how to braid it. We keep it quiet.”
“I taught my son to french braid hair when he was a young teen because I remember being impressed as hell with a guy who could do this. My son practiced and got really good at it.
He's reported back that girls have responded very positively to this skill.”
More guys need to do this.
“Talk more openly about feelings, some sh*t really just needs to be worked out.
Edit: This is just a general suggestion, I personally have a support structure in my life that allows for this. However thank you for the concern(s), comments, and the awards (which I never expected).”
“My best friend is a guy and whenever he needs to call me to talk he apologizes? After. Like "Sorry that was like two hours, I'm just really frustrated." And I always have to remind him that that's why I'm here. Like we're friends dude, don't feel like you're bothering me because you want to talk about how someone did you dirty. I end up just sitting in my car talking so we're not constantly interrupted by my kids trying to talk, it's not like I had to do anything.”
Society has really weird rules for what men can consume or wear. If these things became more socially acceptable, I think the world would be a better place.
Fruity cocktails are the best way to get drunk.
“Drink a rainbow colored cocktail at a bar and watch more romcom sh*t.”
“"Real men drink beer!"
OK sasquatch. You drink your beer-flavored seltzer water and I'll continue to throw back these exceptional 1-800-f*ck-me-ups.”
Dollhouses are the best.
episode 8 designer GIFGiphy“Not a guy, but one time I went to a famous toy store with a guy friend and they had a HUGE dollhouse section. I was freaking out because I love dollhouses, and my friend's eyes got really big and he confessed that he had always loved dollhouses but never felt like he was allowed to play with them as a kid.
So we hung out looking at tiny furniture for like an hour.”
Why are scents gendered?
“I want to smell like a coconut or a summer breeze, not BATTLESHARK or TIMBERKNIFE.
Also please make more conditioner for guys. I don't want to buy a bottle that works as shampoo, conditioner, sunscreen, lotion, and siracha sauce all in one.”
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Anyone can bake!
“I used to think baking was girly, but I've been doing it since a kid and I absolutely love it.”
“I find this stereotype so funny. Hmm, yes, you know what's manly? Having to rely on others for food because you can't be bothered to touch a stove or oven. I cook for myself and I love doing it.”
If we stopped assigning gender to the most random things, the world would be a better place.
This guy gets it.
skin care pain GIF by iOne DigitalGiphy“Guy in his 40s married with two kids. My hobbies include playing drums / woodworking / hiking. I take baths and put bubbles in because I like nice smells and it relaxes aches after working. I use moisturiser that includes sunblock because I'm in my 40s and my skin looks f*cking great.
I use conditioner on my hair because it's no extra effort and makes a massive difference. I drink whatever cocktails sound appealing / I haven't tried before because you only live once. I prefer mixed company because guy chat can be tedious.
I take care of what I eat but I'm not obsessive about exercise. I enjoy gardening and my home is full of houseplants which I tend religiously. I have a huge interest in design / art and music of all types with a special interest in jewellery design.
If somebody tells you sh*t is girly its pure ignorance and at my age I have zero f*cks for that kind of limited mindset.”
Everyone needs a plant or two.
“I don't know if this counts, since it's not generally girly thing but I'd love to have a lot of houseplants.
But not the typical ones no no no, I want to focus on various herbs. Be it conventional ones like mint and its types or more wild ones like cowslick or firegrass. Essentially I want to get as close to a witch as possible while still keeping my logical worldview.”
Leggings are the best.
“So, uh, don't judge but -
Leggings are pretty great.
Seriously, there's a reason they've become so popular with women, they're just really d*mn comfortable. And I know they've gained popularity in men for athletic purposes but not just casual wear, maybe they will someday.”
Men, just be yourselves. Even if it means embracing your feminine side.
Cat dads are the best.
Always Sunny Eyes GIFGiphy“I love kittens and hate dogs. Don't get me wrong, I would never harm a dog and I get sad if I see a dog in a bad situation. I just don't want to live with them.
Anyways, the taboo of a guy with cats held me back for quite awhile. And I wish I could have shown more of myself in my twenties.”
Wear that skirt, boy.
“Wear a skirt. Well, people do not complain if I do. Wear long nails. Well, most people do not complain if I do. Wear nail polish. Most people do not care. Waste tons of money on fancy shoes, bags and stuff.”
Flowers for everyone.
“Flowers. Fresh ones all over the house. Roses on the piano and tulips on my organ. Buying flowers at the store I feel like I have to pretend they are for my wife but secretly they are for me!”
Preach.
Pool Party Lol GIF by SA CompanyGiphy“Considering I grew up with only women and I'm comfortable with myself and my sexuality I literally just do whatever I want....
Hugs, flamboyant exaggerations when I'm excited, hand movements when I talk, gasping and putting my hand to my chest etc.
Anyone who is uncomfortable behaving like themselves needs to get over how other people view them and just be themselves.
I get that the question is a generalization, but I think it is utterly pathetic that most guys feel like they have to put on this "manly man" persona for anyone to take them seriously.
I'm more of a "man" than any of the guys I grew up with and I'm 1000% more feminine than all of them.”
They’re the best.
“I'd like a lightweight robe. Can't really find a decent one as a dude without looking/feeling like Hugh Hefner or looking too feminine to feel comfortable.”
I personally love a man who embraces the not-traditionally masculine parts of life. My husband is the best cook I know and does almost all of the cooking in our house (I help sometimes). There are still a lot of men out there who would consider that a "woman's job", but talent in the kitchen supersedes gender.
In short, toxic masculinity makes no sense, and it needs to be stopped. Let men enjoy things
For such dudes, to really throw off the scent, not only is any and all emotionally expressive behavior NEVER displayed, but it must be called out when other, lesser men engage in that kind of moral transgression.
This finger pointing often takes a specific form: calling it "gay." It's a bit absurd, as the insult arises from a feeling that a man isn't performing gender right. But being gay has nothing to do with gender.
Hilarity ensues, though, when the calling out becomes so paranoid and vigilant that very strange things are deemed "gay."
u/ma_damn_blueberry asked, "Straight men of Reddit: what's the strangest thing you've been told not to do because 'that's gay'?"
A Real Man Would Start Over
I was reading a book and a couple dudes called me gay. Not for reading a book, but because I was using a bookmark.
Unsustainable
There was a thread on here a while back where some poor girl told the world about an ex who wouldn't wipe himself or wash his genitals cause "touching a penis is gay"
Can't Imagine How Ugly the Cup Holder Dispute Got
My brother-in-law and I went to a movie. He told me it was gay to sit next to him. I told him to stop being a b*tch and I sat right next to him. For the entire movie.
GiphyA Very Thin, Hollow, Dr. Pepper Filled Penis
Use a straw.
Because apparently it's like having a tiny peen in your mouth.
I still use straws and haven't had the urge to be with a man yet.
Giphy"No Being Dry!"
Linen shopping. By my best friend.
That's nice bro, but I need towels. Deal with it.
GiphyA Far Cry From "No Thank You"
A guy in the bus offered his seat to a woman that was standing. She looked at him and said "Are you gay or something?" like it's gay to be polite.
The Long Stem Mimosa Glass Really Set Off the Alarms
Brunch. If steak, eggs and alcohol at noon are gay, well then f*ck it.
A Stone Would be Hotter
Girl - "Oh, I thought you were gay"
Me - "What?!? Haha, noooo. Why did you think that?"
Girl - "Because you were smiling so big and laughing a lot"
Geographical Determinism
I grew up in California before moving to the east coast as a teenager.
I've been told all Californian's are gay or at least bi, more than once.
GiphyHigh Schoolers are Insane
I wore my watch on my right hand. Apparently when i was in high school that gay as f*ck.
Heterosexuality is Generated From the Plaque Between Your Teeth
Floss my teeth.
Apparently, gingivitis is something only hetero people have.
GiphyBear in Tights
I sew renaissance type costumes as a hobby. I've been told I should stop doing it because sewing is either gay or women's work.
On the plus side I am a 6'2 bear of a man so when I tell them to f*ck off, they usually leave it be.
Fleetwood Mac. Nuff Said.
Enjoy female singers/fronted bands. I came from a very stupid place with a very stupid culture.
Clearly a Huge Freud Fan
My sister told me that her Psychology teacher explained that every man that went to see a prostitute were secretly gay because they were seeking out the previous man's penis inside the prostitute's vagina.
"Citrus is a Fruit, My Hands are Tied"
Tried to order a Mojito at a bar back when they were all the rage since I had only heard of them and never tried one.
Waiter looked at me and said "No. You're not gay so i wont get that for you."
But...i just wanted to try a popular cocktail....
Straight and Wet
My sister told me this gem.
Her male friend said he hated being a guy because he COULDN'T USE AN UMBRELLA.
"Lactose Proficient" is an Incredible Phrase
Drink milk. Especially chocolate milk. I've been singled out on 3 occasions, and was once called gay for it. By store clerks, no less.
I love milk and I'm lactose proficient, so I told them I'd use my lactose proficiency however I like.
GiphyGay is the New Respectful
Having friends that are girls that you don't sexually harass.
Middle age is scary.
It is terrifying how lonely middle age is. I can absolutely understand why so many middle-aged men commit suicide. I'm actually trying hard to get out and meet people, but it's difficult. I'm an outgoing guy, and it is hard to form friendships with other guys. Then I imagine how all the socially awkward men just don't even bother any more.
Why is this even an expectation?
GiphyBeing expected to make the first move always gets me super anxious. I hate the idea of misreading a situation, or making a woman uncomfortable, so I tend to "disregard" a lot of obvious hints when I first start seeing someone.
This is so sad.
When I was a teenage boy, my sister fell into a river. My dad put his hand on my back and pushed me in after her, saying "go get her". Her leg was stuck on something but I got it free and she swam back to shore. I, however, was pinned by branches under the water that had somehow gotten around me (there was a whole tree under the surface). I remember looking up to the water's surface and seeing the silhouettes of my family members walk away from the edge and thinking "no! wait!".
Long story short, my fight-or-flight system kicked in and I scrambled as hard as I could to free myself and eventually got free and came up to take the best breath ever. When I was crawling back on the sand, my dad, sister and brother were about 100 yards down the bank. He turned and said, "c'mon!" and I hurried after while gagging on water. That about sums up my experience so far.
People just expect you to be "okay" in obviously dangerous situations. I knew guys who drank themselves to death because liquor is easy but saying "I need help" is hard.
That's f*cking disgusting.
My last relationship I got cheated on. She (my ex) spread rumours that I was abusive and violent, to hide the fact she's an unloyal person.
I had to find out through her best friend messaging me asking me if it was true, because I seemed like "the nicest person", and she wanted to know the truth. I explained and she was shocked. I was shocked. I didn't think she'd stoop lower than she had done already.
I'm lucky no one took her serious enough to contact the authorities.
Such busy bodies.
GiphyI am pretty young, but somehow, this sh*t still happens. I was playing with my sisters at the park, and we were playing tag. At one point, this middle aged lady comes up to my sisters and asks if they know me, and how they know me and whatever. I come up to her and say, those are my sisters, and she just gives me the stink eye, ignores me, and turns back to my sisters and keeps interrogating them. It was only after my mom came to see what was going on, that the lady left.
BTW, I'm in middle school, and have been mistaken for being 11 years old, so I don't know what that lady thought I was doing.
Self-awareness is good.
I don't know if it is actually "scary" for me, but awkward and something I overthink.
I am over 6'5", can kind of come off as intimidating do to that alone, but am really just a teddy bear. At my job, I have to walk through a dark alley in a downtown area, to get to the parking lot.
Lots of times, there are women walking back to go to their cars as well, and then my lumbering loner self is walking behind them. I feel awkward and scared they are going to think I am going to hurt them or am going to rob them or something. I'm just trying to get home!
I follow farther behind, always act as inconspicuous as possible, which probably makes me more suspicious, get on my phone like I am texting or act like I am calling someone so they can here I am far behind them and not stalking up on them.
Maybe it's just my social awkwardness or the fact there is a lot of crime that happens in our town, but I don't want to be seen as a threat by people I would never hurt.
That's tough.
Everyone expect so much of you and feel they owe you nothing. You must provide, you must defend, you must be solid as a rock and yet know how to deal with people in the most respectful and submissive way otherwise you will be the jerk.
In all situations if you are a man you will never be the victim at first, and if you are shame on you because you were not strong enough. You are responsible for everyone but no one needs to worry about you. Two man fighting? Both stupid, violent man just doing toxic men things. The reason for the fight does not matter, there are no victims here.
And then the loneliness. No one wants to be friends with you. I mean, as far as we know any man is a potential rapist, robber or killer, right? It is OK to discriminate man because they can handle it like a man, can't they?
On your own.
GiphyYou're pretty much on your own.
Less of your problems are taken seriously, you're seen as weak if you can't sort them out. You're expected to throw yourself in harm's way at a moments notice.
The courts look at you less favourably, so does a large portion of society. You're seen as a potential rapist and child molester. I love kids but God forbid I smile at one in public.
You're the one who has to be able to sort everything out, even if you sometimes feel like just curling up in a ball and crying.
This is too real.
Speaking on behalf of my husband: the sheer expectation that he can shoulder everyone's stress. If you are a man with emotional intelligence, people will simultaneously act like you are both a rare unicorn, and that you must take that emotional intelligence and merge it with the "MEN CAN SHOULDER IT ALL" mentality.
This means he's utilized way too often by too many family and friends who don't make any emotional effort. He's asked to manage everyone's drama.
He doesn't, but the sheer expectation that he won't burn out simply because he's a man is hard to watch.
Not a loser.
Your whole identity is wrapped up in your job. You weren't born to be a doctor, lawyer or entrepreneur? You must be some kind of loser.
Your industry is laying people off? You're definitely a loser. Your fault for choosing the wrong major twenty years ago.
A horrible expectation.
GiphyThe expectation that you have to deal with violent or dangerous situations. When I was a teenager at school, a guy in our class took a girl hostage with a knife in an unoccupied room. Our teacher was a woman, and literally grabbed me by the collar and shoved me into the room telling me to get the knife off of him. He attacked me, and in the chaos the girl managed to get out of the room. I couldn't though. I was stuck in the room with him with a cut on my chest. But it was ok though! Don't worry, because the girl had gotten to safety. The teacher even got a reward from the cops for her "quick thinking".
Even now, as a doctor, when a dangerous patient comes in its automatically given to me (the other registrars in the unit I work in are mostly women) and I get judged for having to have security with me.
I'm allowed to be afraid of being assaulted too.
Truth.
Reading through these responses it's pretty overwhelmingly clear that most of these issues are caused by toxic masculinity and our societies expectations of masculinity which are also toxic. Many women are afraid of men because so many guys are downright predatory. That causes them to suspect every man because sometimes you just can't tell.
Almost every woman has had experiences with guys like this and it's frickking terrifying. So guys, it's not your fault, and it's not girls' fault, it's the fault of those douchebags and the people who raised them.
It starts young.
Always having women being scared of you.
I may only be in 6th grade but I'm a pretty big guy, I'm 5'10 and I was walking to my brother's car (I go to a K-12 School and my brother goes here too) and there was this small-er chick walking in front of me and she looked scared out of her head, every time she looked back she had an even more scared look on her face until we finally got to the turn and she just turn around and started walking the opposite direction until I got to my brother's car.
This isn't even the first time this has happened, people in my grade are scared of me, you can tell by their facial expressions, we even have to wear uniforms at my school and they don't make them in my size so they can see how much of a fat*ss I am. I really feel that this is going to affect me a lot in my next stages of life too.
Getting rejected sucks.
GiphyRejection, always rejection. You are always expected to put yourself out there, be "The Man" and eventually you take the initial risk, and the higher the risk the worse you feel once rejected.
It can happen to men too.
That we can basically be accused of rape or sexual assault with zero evidence & almost every time, people will side with the accuser. It's scary that some random stranger, or even someone you know, can get pissed off, accuse you of something you never did, but others will rally to their side in support while demonizing you before any facts or proof are even provided.
On the flip side, if you're raped or assaulted as a guy, nobody believes you or they have the mentality that you "wanted it" or are always horny 24/7 so you should feel blessed/fortunate someone wanted to f*ck you so bad. That shit's traumatizing & honestly makes me sick...coincidentally when things like that happen, people (especially women) wonder why guys shy away from dating or won't get physical/intimate with them.