One Redditor wanted to hear about the reactions people had broaching the topic, so they asked:
"What would you say if your partner asked you to open the relationship?"
I'm not adverse to an open relationship, but I'd like to start just the two of us and then we'll see.
Up Front
"This is something I screen for and discuss upfront. It's not for me, but I would not want to stifle someone who feels an open relationship is good for them. I know we would not be happy together."
Choice_Tangelo1933
14 Years In...
"I've been married for 14 years now. We're both very happy and we regularly talk about our desires for the future. I think I know and understand her fully. If she dropped a bomb like this on me it would be the first sign our interests are misaligned beyond repair. And I'd probably never fully trust anyone ever again."
spiderfarmer
Red Flags
"From my experience. 9/10 times if the relationship started monogamous and this conversation pop up they already have someone in mind and want the go ahead to go after them and if it fails they’ll cry about wanting to close it back up. If it was something on the table as a possibility at the beginning of the relationship, sure. If it wasn’t then no."
Vroomy_vroom_vroom
FWB
"Was dating a girl a few months and we went on a road trip for the weekend. Great time, etc. On the way back she spent a solid hour talking about how she couldn't settle down with any single guy, always wanted side pieces, stuff like that. I just listened, we weren't super far into the relationship but I thought it was going well."
"Anyway, I started talking to other girls since I didn't feel priority and slept with an old FWB. 'Gf' came over and saw a used condom in the trash and went apesh*t. I recalled the conversation about her wanting to date multiple guys, and explained I didn't feel like we were exclusive due to that. Breaks up with me, lol."
thermal_shock
Tell Me
suspicious GIFGiphy"I’d want to know who my partner met that made them consider this as an option."
tormentrock
Options are always going to be there. Might as well ask now.
Whoops
I Have No Idea Reaction GIF by MTV Movie & TV AwardsGiphy"My ex husband asked me to do this. I was upset and uncomfortable but he kept asking so finally I relented. Then I had way more people interested in me than him and he got super bu**hurt super fast."
WesternOld3507
So Poly
"Not a chance. If they want to f**k around I'll sever ties with them faster than the flash."
Ivanhunterjo1991
"Yep. Friend of mine did that. His gf at the time said she wanted to have an open relationship. He gave her one chance to stop and never bring it up again. She pushed it and he immediately broke up with her and kicked her out within 10 minutes. Litterally pushed her a** out the freaking door. (he was paying the rent and bills and his name was on the lease)."
"Ran into her a few months ago. Their breakup was about 5 years ago now, she said it was the stupidest thing she ever did. She sure as s**t doesn't identify as 'poly' now, apparently she wound up on the other end of things when her new bf suggested their relationship be open, and within a week he brought another woman home."
Kaidiwoomp
Non-Starter
"Absolutely not. We’ve agreed we’re for each other and he knows I’m monogamous (as I know he is). Even the thought of him meeting someone else that makes him go 'I wanna see what it’s like to be with her,' makes me angry. Our relationship would be over at that point."
"I’m a jealous person by nature. Now that doesn’t mean I can’t handle myself if he has friends who are women. But the jealousy will always loom in the back of my mind. This is why I know the poly lifestyle is not for me."
redvelvetcakebatter
Struggles
"Wanting an open relationship tells me I'm not enough for them. The very suggestion would make me question our relationship then and there. Maybe I'm just insecure, but I'd probably struggle to see them the same way and likely end up breaking things off."
ayylotus
"Completely agree. And I’d be deeply, deeply hurt by the suggestion. We have been together 15 years, married for 8, and suddenly he wants a radical change in the most basic nature of our relationship? I’d be heartbroken."
Sp4ceh0rse
Ugly Thoughts
No Way Bird GIFGiphy"I’d say no. Then I would constantly be thinking about the fact that they wanted to sleep with other people while they were in a relationship with me (or maybe they already acted on those desires), and the ugly thoughts would lead to me ending the relationship."
Flailus
This is never an easy topic. Be sure to speak openly and honestly while considering all the possible ramifications.
Do you have any relevant experiences to share? Let us kow in the comments below.
Happy Valentines? :(
Well, I semi-regretted it. Like it was fun, but maybe I would have liked a better 3rd.
Anyway, freshman year of college I was into this guy and he had slept with this other girl in our friend group but was also into me. Valentines day we're all single, we go at it, and we have a great time. Later I end up dating the dude and like 2 or 3 years into the relationship he cheats on me with 3some girl. ooglecat
Not Cute.
GiphyIt was me, my girlfriend, and my friend. Well, ex-girlfriend now because she started dating my friend afterwords. TreGoa64
Got an unwelcome surprise......
Didn't realize the other guy was into me
Got an unwelcome surprise. grapestreet9
This is why it's really important when you do anything kink-related, even if it's supposed to just be a "vanilla" threesome, to negotiate rules beforehand. What's okay, what is definitely NOT okay. That way nobody gets unpleasant surprises.
Even when you think it's obvious, like "no you may not penetrate my anus without asking," some people may assume that it's okay. Raudskeggr
A Movie Plot.
I (f) had a threesome with my bf at the time (now my ex) and a mutual female friend of ours.
He ended up cheating on me multiple times with her afterward, and then ended up becoming obsessed with her, almost to the point of stalking. He even stole a friend's car to go see her. It was wild. Lol. chengsao
Avenger.
GiphyThe guy was built like a Superhero, so I spent most of the "experience" trying to suck my gut in.... praying for it to be over. OldmanShed
Blood is a No.
This is my time to shine.
When I was 19 I (F) was invited by a couple to participate in a threesome. They were both super hot so I was pumped!!
So it starts and everything is going fine, we're all touching each other whatever. We get into a position where I'm sitting on her face while she lays on her back and her boyfriend has sex with her missionary. All good until the boyfriend kinda shoved me off her? I was like wtf? Then she gets up and her face is absolutely COVERED in blood. Like lion after eating a zebra blood. It's literally everywhere: the sheets, the pillows, her face, his hands, you get the point.
Turns out she sliced the inside of my vagina with her very sharp acrylic nails (they looked very nice just don't feel the best against my fragile vaginal membrane) and I was bleeding profusely.
I cleaned myself off and was like....."I'm gonna go..." and they were like bye...
It's still one of my absolute favorite stories ever. Reddit
Talons.
GiphyI'm gonna cut straight to the dish....
My buddy's big toe nail grazed my butthole while trying to switch positions with her. I never told a man to cut his toenails before and hopefully never will again. ImpossibleWeirdo
Oooof.
I don't know if I regretted it per se, but I was the third wheel. After the sexcapade we passed out and later on that night her boyfriend went to the bathroom. She then cuddled up to me and said 'that was really fun and all but if we do this again can we get somebody I am attracted too.' Then her boyfriend walked back in and she realized that I wasn't him, I could literally feel the room fill up with awkwardness. Windbelow616
No Touching.
GiphyI had a threesome with two guys and it was kinda awkward seeing how they were trying not to touch each other during the whole thing. It was cool and everything but they were so trying to avoid any kind of touching and I get if two guys don't want their members to touch but they wouldn't even touch legs by accident and that is hard when you're getting dp'd by two tall guys lol. suki_ta_
Hindsight.
I mean, i guess it wasn't necessarily unexpected, but it just ruined my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. We had a threesome with a female friend of hers, and she couldn't get the image of me having sex with her friend out of her head. She said that she couldn't shake the feeling that if I truly loved her, i wouldn't have been able to sleep with someone else.
Worst part of it was my gf was essentially my dream girl, and the girl we added to the mix wasn't nearly as spectacular as she was. So i traded a longterm relationship with my dream girl for one night of a threesome, and i would NEVER have made that trade with hindsight.
That said, waking up in the morning with a hot naked girl on each side of me was pretty incredible. Buffal0_Meat
OUCH!
GiphyI had a threesome with my girlfriend and best friend. She left me for him. They have been married for over 10 years. Tacomancer42
Salty Feels....
My ex came home from the bar with his friend and asked if I would have a threesome with them. I reluctantly agreed after drinking a little. The experience was pretty good but my ex was so insecure and made my life miserable for a few weeks after that because he was salty about the fact that I actually enjoyed it. No idea what he was expecting. Viiibrations
I never talked to those morons again.
My girlfriend at the time was hanging out in her bedroom with her roommate. I was watching TV in the living room.
Her roommate comes out of the bedroom wearing a sheet. She looks at me and says, "We're having sex back here. You should join us" and drops the sheet.
She was physically attractive, but I didn't like her personality at all. I said no.
She shrugged, then went back into the bedroom. They were in there a good hour or so, when my girlfriend comes out, naked and crying. She kept apologizing for "cheating on me". I told her it was ok, I understood, everything was going to be all right.
About two weeks later she dumps me. Said she couldn't trust me BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO HER ROOMMATE.
She dumped me at my birthday party. She messed with my best friend that night in the room next to where I was sleeping, then came in afterwards to make sure I heard it and knew what was happening. She asked if I was okay, I said no, she started laughing.
We were all sleeping in a cabin in the woods and I was drunk as hell, so I walked away.
I never talked to those morons again.
I figure I got about ten miles out and passed out on the side of the road. Woke up when a couple of good ol boys tossed me in the back of their truck. They were going to drive me to the hospital, but I told them what happened and they drove me home... About two hours away. I gave them twenty bucks for gas and they turned it down. DoomOne
Cry not Pretty....
GiphyMy ex gf's friend stopped us in the middle of it to ugly cry for the rest of the night about how she wanted her ex back... needless to say it stopped pretty quick. Grt38
Back Up Kids....
I was the third for this couple, they were both really keen on me. The experience was actually pretty normal, but afterwards they kept pestering me for more. I had realized I wasn't that interested in the both of them and kept politely declining their offers. They never stopped offering, so I finally had to say I wasn't interested. I'd see one or both of them around occasionally and they'd give me a half-hearted smile. A_Sassy_Sammich
ALONE....
GiphyI had really strong feeling for this guy, and we he been flirting for a while. It was going well, and one night I was over at his house with another female friend of ours. We got drunk, one thing led to another, and we had a threesome.
Now they are dating and I'm still alone. PinkAcrobelle
"Looks like you two are good, I will leave you to it."
I was asked by my girlfriend to have a threesome with her and her best friend... a friend I had known for a long time and who had actually introduced us.
A couple of minutes into it I realized that my girlfriend was not remotely interested and had pulled back... which made it awkward because I was not remotely interested in my friend sexually... I only agreed to it because my girlfriend asked and she had been a little distant lately... I thought it might help rekindle the relationship.
I carried on and did my best to make my friend happy... and then all of a sudden my girlfriend stood up and said "Looks like you two are good, I will leave you to it."
I stopped what I was doing and asked WTF was going on, and eventually they explained that the whole thing was a scheme for my girlfriend to break up with me and "pass me over" to her best friend who apparently had a crush on me.
Needless to say this did not go down well, and I ended up losing both of them from my life. hokeyWB
Not with my Wife...
My wife and I had a threesome with a friend of mine that had recently left the military. Everything seemed fine until he told us he was in love with my wife, his brother also happened to be my best friend (we're not as close as we were though) who is super insecure and apparently also had feelings for my wife.
Later my military friend was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his delusions were telling him I was the most evil person on the planet, and that aliens were gonna give him super powers and disintegrate me (that is not an exaggeration.) He now gets monthly shots from the VA and he's doing a lot better. lemonyfreshpine
Late to this discussion.
Late to this discussion. Not exactly a one time threesome but more of a live-in crazy toy situation. So about 6ish months of threesomes and poly relationship. The dude was super sick and took meds all the time and had tons of doctors appointments. They told me he had Lymphatic cancer. This was only part of the truth.
A friend of theirs came to visit one day and saw the situation, asked me if I knew why dude was so sick and I responded "well yea, he has cancer" and I will never forget the look on friends face when he realized he would have to be the one to tell me that dude had AIDS.
I confronted dude and he lied to me. Irate, yelling and screaming at me for even thinking about accusing him. I called his wife in tears and asked her. The first words out of her mouth were, "I'm so sorry. We never meant to hurt you."
So yea. Never again. This happened 12 years ago. I was 17 at the time. I got lucky in that I didn't contract HIV. I still get tested annually and disclose that I've been exposed to it to any potential partners, but it definitely could have ended much worse. Dead_in_the_BrainPan
Don't Outdo!
GiphyI had an unplanned threesome with a close friend and her boyfriend. He's well endowed and apparently she couldn't handle giving him oral, but I didn't know that and while we were fooling around I gave it to him. Like, really good. Like so good he wouldn't stop talking about how good it was and asking why she doesn't give it like I do. It made her insecure and put a strain on our friendship as a result. Even after they broke up, my friendship with her wasn't the same. D0rkasaurusRex
it didn't live up to the hype,
"I've been in two threesomes: The first time, it was with two "friends" that later on turned out not to be very great friends. I don't talk to either of them anymore. The threesome itself was.. well, it didn't live up to the hype, if I'm putting it nicely."
"The second time was with my boyfriend and a close mutual friend. The close mutual friend had recently broken up with his girlfriend when I got a Facebook message from him: Basically it said something along the lines of "I've got something to ask you, I was wondering if you'd be down for a threesome?". I asked with who, and he said "You and Tyler (my boyfriend), I haven't asked him yet I figured I'd ask you first". I said it was okay, brought it up with my boyfriend and he said it was okay, too. We did it that night and it was a million times better than the first one." princess_bvmblebee
Happy Birthday!!!
Giphy"My SO arranged a threesome with her visiting college roommate (who I had some sexual experience with in college) as my gift for my 30th birthday. They made all the arrangements between themselves and surprised me with it. I was a little reluctant at first, thinking it was some sort of test. I gradually agreed to it. It was fun. It ended up being a few days of sex and nakedness. It is very unlikely to ever be repeated." picksandchooses
Oh Natural....
"I've done a few but I'll just mention the first. We didn't plan it out at all, or agree to it, it was just natural for both of us. We went to a nude beach together. There ended up being only three people there, us and a very attractive middle aged military guy (we were 22). We hung out in the sun together all day and got to know each other and smoked some weed. When you're young and hanging out in the sun nude, it's easy to get horny."
"Eventually, I don't remember who, made the first move. It just progressed really naturally. We had some really great sex for the rest of afternoon, I never experienced any jealousy. I've had threesomes since then, with two men and with two women and I always tell people, sex with two guys and one girl is way better." disciplinedsuccess
In the sixties....
Giphy"In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing." TheLeviathaan
Best experience ever.
"I always had a thing for bisexual women."
"I had a friends with benefit chick who was bi."
"I got myself a girlfriend, who has never been with a dude before, I was her first and It was clear from the get go that she liked girls more, where she could be dominant, with a brute like me it was not a possibility."
"So, me being a considerate boyfriend, called up my fuck buddy and told her to join in. She came over."
"Let me tell you something, Lesbian porn is a lie. What those girls did to each other, was art. I joined after like, 20 minutes of gawking in awe."
"Best experience ever." WOLFBL00D
The Watcher....
"Have had a few threesomes and a foursome with my wife. She's a bit of a queen so she actually enjoys watching me with others then joining in. For me I'm happy to please and it's just fun of course. Mostly came up when we kind of had a talk about fetishes and she said she wanted to try it."
"Like most said though they aren't extremely amazing, usually you can't enjoy certain things you like, or there are some points where people can feel a bit unsatisfied." whyImcalledqueen
It's a Blur....
- "Once was the boy toy for two Balinese women over the course of four days. That was awesome cause it was a travel fling, so it was like a blur."
- "Part of promiscuity dinner club, kinda like a swingers club. Again blur."
- "Several MMF and FFM with my primary partner. It all comes down to expectation setting, boundaries and communication. As a dominantly straight man, MFF are more fun, but there is an excitement to making your partner happy."
"Some are more fun than others, just treat it like anything else. Process before and after. Self-care and post-care are key. Don't treat people like objects. Always treat the third with the same care and compassion as you would your own partner."
"The more communication and lead up, the hotter it is. Lastly, communicate during. Even more so than you do with your primary. Tease and ask everyone what they like, what they have fantasized about. Communicate what you want. Double your fourplay and communication. Your sleeping for two now."
"Oh, water breaks. You're going to need it if you pull this off correctly. A king bed is ideal." pm_me__your__pain
Thank God for the alcohol....
"My ex girlfriend initiated it with a bi-curious friend of hers. i had nothing against it, was just a bit surprised that it came up. we did the deed after some light drinking and everyone got off. then my GF developed a huge problem about it and came overly paranoid, thinking I'd cheat on her with the friend. this was one of many major points when we finally went our own ways." notfun_87
Whoops....
Giphy"Got pregnant, kind of married with both of them right now. My family was a little shocked." Tayoliv
The Ex & a Friend.
"My ex and her friend wanted to be with me, (we were not going out yet), best part was oral. We experimented many positions, and me being a person who loves to be asfixiated, she obliged me while her friend was on top of me. When i was about to finish, my ex again performed on me orally. Awesome." tetrahidrocannabin0l
Eventually Tedious.
Giphy"Ex-girlfriend and I actually first hooked up when she tried to initiate a threesome with me and another friend. Friend passed out immediately so we quietly messed around next to her. Next night, same thing. She and I started dating and eventually got the friend to join us, first couple of times were a lot of fun for everyone involved, then the just progressively got more tedious, stressful, and is probably what resulted in the end of that relationship. Fantasy fulfilled, not something I'm actively chasing anymore." TossedLikeMySalad
I had no pants.
"I was the third wheel. I'm a guy. It was a random occurrence, totally unplanned, I just happened to fit their bill. I can't speak for them but it seemed like she was the one who wanted it, she wanted the attention on her, she wanted 2 men. 10/10 on my end. Except then I was left alone in Canada with a dead phone, an unpaid hotel room and regret."
"My friend's mom (the people I went to canada with) had to pick me up. I had no pants." greatnameallday
I'm Good!
"My wife (girlfriend at the time) set it up with one of her friends. (Not a friend we hang out with often.) While we were at a party. We went back to the friends house and it was fun, mutual foreplay and things like that, then I messed with my wife for a bit, then messed with the friend for a bit. Eventually finishing with my wife."
"It was fun and all, except my wife got super jealous while I was messing with the other girl. So much so, that she really didn't like feeling that way, and while the 3 some was fun, we will probably never do it again."
"I'm fine with that. I can say I've had a 3 some. I don't need it to be a regular thing to have a happy sexual relationship with my wife." Buwaro
Not Good.
"I (f) haven't been in one while I was in a relationship, but the other two people were committed to each other. My friend and her boyfriend approached me about having a threesome and I agreed. It was kinda awkward with him, but with her it was fantastic. The experience wasn't bad altogether, but I don't think it's something I'd do again especially not while in a relationship myself. My friend and her boyfriend ending up splitting up really soon after and I always wondered if the threesome might have had something to do with that." peperomiayam
1-2-3....
Giphy"My wife met a girl in grad school who was into the whole polyamory thing. They became friends and hung out a lot. One night after dropping a multitude of hints (my wife karaoke'd Britney Spears's "3" to her), and getting naked to go in the hot tub (which didn't end up working because the tub's heater stopped working -- in October), I finally just told her straight out that we'd love to have sexy times with her."
"She agreed that it'd be fun, we lit some candles and all got in bed. Everyone had a great time over the next hour or so and we all passed out, completely satisfied"
"We still hang out with her as friends, but she since got into more serious relationships so we've never revisited the sexual relationship." binarybovine
All the Fish....
"here is one person's take on it..."
"I went to a swingers club, Ended up joking with a guy in the smoking area about the "attendees" End of the night he invites me to him& his wife's party in a few weeks time."
"Night finally comes, I arrive at their home, 4 couples and 2 single ladies present and awaiting on another 5 couples. Found out i was the only single guy (20ish) in a house of 40+ swingers."
"After a few hours of socializing and being asked "Why do you swing"/ "Youre so young" etc The female host announced that everyone should go upstairs."
"I walked in after stripping off in another room to see 4 ladies on the bed in various positions with guys or each other, Next room was the same but 2 ladies and a few guys."
"I ended up being dragged into the 1st room by the host and given to his mrs and her friends, Like throwing a fish to pack or piranhas.... lol"
"Best night ever, Still friends, went on holiday with them last year. :)" crellodrello
"Who do I WANT to have sex with?"
"My extremely beautiful long-time friend was asked by her then-boyfriend to fulfill a fantasy of his. She reluctantly agreed, and after looking around on some sites she began to think, "Who do I WANT to have sex with?" She decided I was the only person she really wanted to sleep with apart from her boyfriend. I flew out on an unrelated trip and she prepared to seduce me. I was hit by a car the night before she was going to ask me to mess with her in front of him, so my broken shoulder (I later learned) wound up nixing the plan that I was unaware of."
"I had the chance to meet her boyfriend for a little bit, and he saw how we looked at each other and decided she wanted me a little too much. This all came out about a month later. During that time, having re-set her frame of mind a little, she began to realize that she was in a relationship with a terribly abusive alcoholic and a few months later she broke up with him."
"She came to visit me in my home city on the West Coast for the summer and asked me to marry her. We're going to be getting married next year and I couldn't be happier. Needless to say, the whole idea turned out to be a disaster for her ex and precipitated something wonderful for both of us." Handiclown
Too Much.
"I figured out this type of thing wasn't for me by being a third for a couple. I was the other M in an MMF threesome."
"It was an interesting experience, and I'm glad I tried it. It was really hot at times, but incredibly awkward at others. They were very nice people and we all got along well, but it made me feel weird being watched while having sex. Idk just made me hyper-aware of everything I did and made it hard to get into a rhythm. By the time I left, I was pretty sure group sex just wasn't for me. Too overwhelming and performative in a weird way."
"And not intimate at all. I'm down for casual sex that's just physical, but this situation just felt sterile and impersonal to an extreme. Like I was a tool to be used for their pleasure . Not that that's a bad thing or inconsiderate on their part. It's what I signed up for. Just a reality of the situation which turned me off."
"I think I would be down to try an MFF at some point because 14 year-old me would absolutely murder present-day me if I missed an opportunity to make that happen, but not as part of a couple. I think I'd need all three of us to be on relatively equal footing as unattached singles." Octopus_420
All the ways...
"My girlfriend, now wife, suggested the idea with one of my former female work friends I stayed in contact with and we had drinks with pretty frequently. Of course I agreed to it but it turned out the entire thing was about them hooking up."
"Sometimes they'd remember I was there and pay me a little attention but they'd get distracted by each other and leave me with nothing so I just moved to the arm chair in the corner of the hotel room and read a book."
"I actually fell asleep in the chair and when I woke up they were both passed out on the bed. The chair sleep was horrible so I squeezed into the bed with them feeling grumpy af."
"Later that day my gf gave me a hall pass to shag my friend. So even though the 'threesome' was a bust for me it ended up being a great weekend." ero_senin05
Not usually worth it.
Giphy"Not usually worth it. I've had plenty of situations where me and another female friend got flirty with a guy and went to town, and some where two guys shared me. It's typically a lot of work, and you don't get a lot out of it."
Remember, open communication and honesty go a long way!
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