People Break Down The Best Advice They've Ever Received From Their Therapist
There’s no question that therapy is one of the most helpful treatment methods with regard to emotional hardship, trauma, or mental health. A licensed therapist is full of good advice.
They can show you some smaller forms of therapy you can implement, defense mechanisms you can use, or even tell you what you need to hear.
A therapist once asked my friend, "Is there data to support that fear?" It is now the question of the day every day at work. Therapists can be brilliant!
Redditors have seen this firsthand, and they are ready to share what they learned.
Redditor SugarMumma asked:
"What was the best advice you got from your therapist?"
Setting Boundaries
"Setting boundaries will upset the person who crosses/needs them set the most."
– wrongreasons2242
"Bingo. Resistance to boundaries or annoyance them is a solid red flag."
– SiliconPenguin
You Are Only Responsible For Yourself
"You are not responsible for what other people do."
– Doodle-Cactus
"Similarly, you are not responsible for how someone is going to feel."
"Meaning, “if I tell my girlfriend that it bothers me that she leaves the dishes unwashed, she’ll be mad at me. And I don’t want her to be mad, so I’ll just not say anything”
"You’re not responsible for her reaction to your honest good faith communication. You need to communicate it anyway and let her feel how she’s going to feel. Don’t “decide” for her."
– sevencoves
"If I'm not the problem, there is no solution."
"That one saved my life."
– marvelousteat
Love Heals
"She got me to realize how many defense mechanisms I had constructed to defend the little kid inside of me who wanted love and acceptance. Whether that be judging myself and trying to get ahead of other peoples’ criticism, or lashing out defensively at perceived slights."
"She was a good therapist, so she got me to come to those conclusions myself."
– mjknlr
Writing Also Heals
"The greatest thing a therapist ever told me to do was to keep a journal. I thought he was crazy at first but it’s incredibly therapeutic to write your day and thoughts down."
"I also like to go back and read previous entities and see how far I’ve come from certain situations and such."
– Starlight_City45
"I've been journaling for a year, yeah it's not easy on some days but let me tell you... It helps! Really helps to unclutter the clutter in my head. I have a journal app with prompts. Makes me think about my feelings which really helps and takes me through steps to feel better if at all I'm feeling negative feelings."
– noir-Blossom
Examine Your Role
"Just because your feelings are hurt doesn’t mean you’re right. I didn’t listen in the moment, but I think about that almost a decade later."
– mbane_800
"Yep. Stop and consider how you have contributed in this"
– pineapplewin
Making It Work
"Anxiety will never go away, but you can learn to manage it."
– Present-Tension9924
"I think the takeaway from this is to try not to get into a mindset of 'waiting until you're better' to move forward in life. It's more like hey, this is who I am, let's figure out how to make it work."
– baywchrome
Does The Data Back It Up?
"If you catch yourself making assumptions about a person's actions or intentions, ask yourself, "Where is the evidence for this?""
– philwatanabe
15 Minutes of Infamous Tasks
"Take at least 15min of your day every day to do something you don't want to do, but that needs to be done. Like cleaning your room, paying bills ect. It won't be as hard to begin with it if you tell yourself you can stop after 15 minutes. Often times you will do more than that just because you tricked yourself into starting. And at the end of the day, you won't feel like you wasted your time because you achieved something."
– firedexo
Don't Get Dragged Into Drama
"Not your circus, not your monkeys."
– chrisbe2e9
"F*ck this is such a good one to keep in mind though"
– Few-Background2498
Therapy is not a magic solution, but therapists are here to help, and sometimes, their advice may even save a life.
When we're in the throes of a mental health crisis, or even just a very rough day, it's hard to zoom out. In that mental space, every negative thought is convincing, even alluring to cling to.
We grow so used to those defined grooves of anxiety and sadness that we forget there's another version of thinking, feeling, and interpreting all that happens within and around us.
So an outsider's perspective is huge.
Even the smallest piece of advice from a compassionate, intentional person can be enough to lurch us out of the funk--or at least get us started on the climb out.
Redditor sushi4vendetta asked:
"What is the best mental health advice you were ever given?"
Many shared the advice they've received that helped them remember the problems with the word "should." They realized that they needed to accept that, yes, they're not feeling so good.
But it doesn't last forever.
Temper Expectations
"Happiness isn't meant to be a constant state. The aim is contentment/comfortability, not constant unwavering happiness."
A Different Way of Looking Forward
"You don't have to be hopeful about tomorrow. Just curious about what's to come."
"Changed my outlook completely on life when it's going poorly."
Accept and Understand First
"allow yourself to feel how you're feeling."
"I get caught up in how I want to feel or how I think I should be feeling that I never really processed my emotions properly and dragged out grief etc longer than I needed to. I now remind myself that I shouldn't think I'm stupid or pathetic for still being upset about something."
-- lillyko_i
Would Anyone Else Be So Mean?
"If your best friend came to you saying they were having trouble in the same circumstances you're dealing with, would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself?"
"Would you stay friends with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself? What would it be like if you treated yourself with the same kindness and consideration as you would your best friend. Why not actually do that?"
Some discussed the importance of taking care of themselves. Sometimes we get too used to destroying ourselves to avoid upsetting the apple cart.
Only You Can Stick Your Neck Out
"You have to advocate for yourself, nobody is going to do the work for you." -- Shad0wD0gg
"Friend of mine says that you gotta have Pom poms out for yourself all the time- and for the people you care about. I liked this a lot." -- Impossible_Fold5059
Too Selfless
"Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm." -- no1ofconsequencedied
"Tbh I needed to hear this" -- GodMomItsNotAPhase
"Exception: I would light myself on fire to save my daughter" -- Please_Log_In
Know Your Limits
"Set healthy boundaries and stick to them." -- tomographer
"thank you for saying this. Every time I used to set a boundary with my ex, he'd be like 'why are you giving me an ultimatum???' "
"A**hole, it's because I need to." -- FlurriesofFleuryFury
And others shared advice of a more pragmatic flavor.
Accepting the Context
"Me 'I don't want special tests or meds. I want to be on the same playing field as everyone else.' "
"Counselor 'you already are not on the same playing field' "
-- emscurtis
The Depression Zone
"I stopped watching the news because current world events just don't mix well with my anxiety. Like, at all. I'm sick of humanity's petty politics, and I'd rather tend to my own life." -- JoshuaSlowpoke777
Mental is Physical is Mental
"Simply to see a doctor about it when necessary."
"I was a competitive figure skater growing up and my coach was in the 2002 olympics and she said to me 'if you break your leg you go to the doctor right? So why would you not take care of your mind like any other part of your body' that sticks with me today"
Hopefully the next time you find yourself in a funk, one of these fires across your thoughts and it's at least enough to help you start to regroup.
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We go to a therapist with clear expectations. We want to be listened to, we want to be supported unconditionally, and we hope to be guided toward a clearer understanding of ourselves and the internal states that drive us.
So it can be jarring when our therapist cuts against those expectations. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from the place that, by definition, ought to be a safe space in a world that doesn't always feel like that.
Unfortunately, as a recent Reddit thread illustrated, those moments of poor therapy are all too common.
Redditor Eesah_adams asked:
"What's the most annoying thing you've heard from a therapist?"
Many people talked about the times a therapist trivialized the issues that were significantly impacting their lives. There's nothing worse than feeling the need to justify your feelings to the professional who is supposed to believe them.
The Power of Baths
" 'you're a child you have nothing to be upset about' and also a common one within like 'have you tried to cure your depression with tea or a hot bath?' in the most condescending tone ever" -- bigfrogbi***
"How about a HOT BATH in TEA?" -- Karam2468
Oh I Hadn't Thought of That
" 'Have you ever tried not drinking?' I had been struggling with alcoholism for ten years by this point. I walked out after he said he didn't think I had tried hard enough." -- ftsunrise
"I had a GP say this to me after I told her my anxiety was exacerbated by alcohol. It's so condescending and unhelpful." -- noiesferatu
Fanning the Flames
"Went in because I had started having panic attacks. Was told by a female pdoc that I should have a baby and go back to college."
"Yep - the best way to deal with stress is to become a first time mom at 40, work full time, and go to school at night. Wtf? I got a referral to a therapist and never saw that doctor again."
Why the Follow Up?
" 'You're not ill enough to be here, please don't make any more appointments.' "
"It was our first appointment, I was having panic attacks nearly every day and could hardly function."
"She called me again a few months later asking why I hadn't made any appointments and I told her to fu** off."
-- FreddieGregg
Other Redditors described times when the therapist said something so demeaning it actually made them feel worse than when they walked into the session.
Bit of an Escalation There
"Years ago I got an appointment with a therapist that was supposed to be an expert in memory loss associated with mental disorders. I have Bipolar disorder and my memory loss is linked to that."
"She seemed really nice and easy going to talk until she told me 'you know, people like you can kill someone and will not remember it'... I was just like... I'm most likely to forget I have already had dinner and have a second dinner... Never went back."
-- ariamar
Did She Hear the Whole First Part?
"I was talking to her through my program because I was experiencing burnout and severe anxiety as a result. I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings because the anxiety was so debilitating."
"During our first session I was telling her about the cycle of trying to push myself to do stuff, committing and then having debilitating anxiety about it and not being able to get out of bed to show up. And how that would lead me to be more anxious from the guilt of not going and it was becoming a vicious cycle."
"And she said 'well that's just disrespectful to those whom you committed to and you need to just show up.' "
"Umm yeah I know it's disrespectful. I am talking to you because I need to figure this out. She was only interested in clearing me from a safety perspective so my program could sign off on my continued participation."
Piling It On
"Beginning of lockdown, schools are closed and my husband and I are attempting to manage a toddler, home school 2nd and 3rd grade children, and work full-time hours in industries where the workload increased dramatically."
"Took it in turns to teach the kids in 2-hour chunks and relied on Disney and minecraft to keep them otherwise occupied. Worked from 8am to 11pm most days, no down time for us for 6 weeks. Called the EAP due to increased stress and guilt."
"Was told that my kids were consuming too much screen time and I would be a better parent if I restricted them to a maximum 30 minutes a day."
"Strangely, that advice did not reduce my feelings of stress or guilt."
-- BonzaSonza
Other times, Redditors were simply taken aback by what their therapists said. These comments either came way out of left field or showed a total lack of good judgment.
Plot Twist
"I don't know if this counts, but I was expressing how anxious I was to my therapist a few years ago. She stops sipping her drink, sets it down, and goes:"
" 'Oh, yeah, I diagnosed you with an anxiety disorder the day I met you. I just didn't tell you.' "
"The day I met her had been a YEAR previous to this conversation. I was appalled and furious. Why wouldn't you tell me?????"
"Anyway I have a new therapist now and I love her."
Hot Take
"Okay so I love my therapist but sometimes psychoanalysts stretch things a bit. Anyways when i was 15 I did a lot of creative writing and showed it to her. The piece of writing I was showing to her had characters traveling through an underground tunnel. So she said."
" 'your mother had a C - section. I think you write about tunnels because you subconsciously miss the experience of traveling through the tunnel at birth.' "
Not What They Had In Mind
" 'You're gay? You should move to San Francisco. There's a lot of gay people there.' " -- LollipopDreamscape
"I agree. Wanna pay for my apartment there?" -- Veauros
"Was this 1952? WTF?" -- Yeeteeth_thy_baby
Here's hoping that if you ever do need some help working through things, you get it from someone who doesn't say wild stuff like this.
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Therapists can be hit or miss. Someone told me once that finding the right therapist is like dating--you have to find one that you really vibe with. This is so you don't end up with one you're uncomfortable with, like when I had an eighty-year-old therapist who told me about her sex life (true story).
There are therapists out there that will just give the most terrible advice. Goes to show you how important it is to find one that is unbiased, empathetic, and non-judgemental.
Ashiechh asked: What is the worst thing that a therapist has ever told you?
It always sucks when you have a therapist who truly does not understand you, and doesn’t even try to.
Not an appropriate response.
When I told her I was suicidal, she said, "That is selfish. You're punishing your family."
God this is such a common thing people say to people considering suicide, and I really think they consider it to be a statement of value. I don't get it.
Well that’s weirdly sexist.
michelle pfeiffer why dont you want kids GIF by mother!GiphyThat I was mentally ill because I didn't want children. Like that I had a totally separate, distinct mental illness from the MDD I was there for, because I didn't want or like children.
She spent a long time trying to "cure" me of it.
At least she was a good fit for you!
My therapist made fun of me when I told her I thought I was schizophrenic. I was absolutely shocked. But then she explained what schizophrenia was and that she was pretty sure I didn't have it. Gotta say, it was in a period in which I thought I was going crazy. Surprisingly enough, her no-nonsense and direct approach was something that appealed to me. After 20 sessions all was well and she was right all along: I suffered from hypochrondiasis. It's when you think you're suffering from all kinds of things.
My therapist was absolutely the best fit for me.
Terrible advice.
I was sixteen, my parents had mental issues and I was suffering a lot. She told me that if I couldn't handle it I should quit my studies and left my home. I had to remind her that in our country you can't work if you are under eighteen, and what a terrible idea was stop studying. I left and never came back.
When a therapist misguides a patient, it can end up being super traumatizing. And it’s sad how often this happens.
Not a good intro to therapy.
Zzz Ok GIF by Jim GaffiganGiphyIt wasn't so much what he said, more just his demeanor and body language.
He yawned through most of the session and kept looking at the clock next to me every couple of minutes. He just gave off an air of absolute disinterest and boredom.
After resisting going to therapy for years and basically being urged to go by friends, having this as my first interaction with a therapist was a major letdown.
I’m sorry, WHAT?
Me: Acne. Bad teeth. Puberty. Tons of Insecurities. Extreme shyness. Depression.
Therapist: I think the reason why you're 18 and don't have a girlfriend yet is because you're gay.
Dude.
This is horrifying.
A therapist encouraged the Attachment Therapy I was undergoing. I only recently was made aware that sh!t was f**ked up. I actually got that realization from an AskReddit post that was "What is the darkest internet Rabbit Hole you've gone down?"
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_therapy <- if you want a dark internet Rabbit Hole.
For me, they called it "RAD Time" because "RAD" stood for Reactive Attachment Disorder. It still f*cks with me. I just thought it was a normal part of foster care.
I talked to my therapist about it and they told me that I "wasn't trying to get better" and "if you could just be good, and fun to be around, maybe someone would want to keep you." I recently learned that "Respectful, Responsible, Fun to be around" is pretty much the slogan for this pseudo-scientific abuse.
The PTSD still disrupts my life, but I am proud to say that in my adult life, not living under the choices of the overworked and well-meaning but misinformed turnover of social workers has changed my life for the better. I aged out of foster care. I have an organic support system now. And I am loved. I spread as much love and kindness as I can, every single f*cking day.
Not having a good therapist can lead to some major trust issues, not just in life, but in mental health care in general.
Ok, this is incredibly illegal.
Nicksplat Therapy GIF by Hey ArnoldGiphyI have a lot of problems mainly trust issues so I went to therapy for it.
Had to change therapists like 4 times because apparently, they all believe patient confidentiality is a rule that they don't have to follow.
Finally found one that treated it like it was supposed to be treated or so I thought.
She came to a school play I was in and I didn't think anything of it until I saw her social media post going into detail about what I was in therapy for and some sappy bs about how she was glad I overcame it all, how did I find this social media post you may ask, why it was on the front page of the school website because she tagged the school in it and the school decided to put it on the front page of their website for everyone to see.
This is messed up.
"I am not able to continue seeing you anymore because your mother thinks I am helping you too much."
She was my favorite therapist too and still to this day am upset at my dysfunctional mother for making me stop seeing her.
A therapist should be someone you trust. And to anyone who read this and is now concerned about finding a therapist they can trust, just know that most of the ones out there are professional, and truly care about their patients. For every bad apple, there are five good ones.
And if one is rubbing you the wrong way, there is no shame in leaving. You deserve the best.
The job of a therapist is multifaceted.
They have to be excellent and active listeners. They must be masters at holding space for people that need a safe zone to spill it all.
They must know when to interject and push a behavior change, and when to let the client discover the need for change on their own.
So it really is quite rare that a therapist actually makes the move to give advice to a client. It's usually a careful decision to intervene when all other therapeutic approaches haven't yielded results.
Unfortunately, it doesn't always do the trick. In fact, one recent Reddit thread asked people about the times their therapists gave truly terrible advice--so bad it left the patient scratching their head about whether to continue on the following week.
taiwanna asked, "What is the worst advice a therapist has given you?"
Never Good to Guilt Trip the Patient
"I give you a safe place to cry and you don't cry."
"I have bipolar and this was after my husband died. I was in a mixed episode. Because of my meds I seldom cry. It was as if she expected me to cry on cue."
Tough to Prove
"A 'therapist' once told my friend the reason why she fought so much with her sister was because they were enemies in a past life, reunited to solve their problem." -- TunyG
"What the actual f***? Surely this wasn't a licensed professional. If so, I imagine they lost their license soon after."
"Hopefully." -- Basgerin
Chances are it is NOT Pokemon
"My first childhood therapist thought that Pokemon was the root of all of my problems. Turns out the root of all of my problems was severe childhood trauma." -- mouthwordpasta
"I'm so sorry to hear that Pikachu mistreated you that way." -- kirotheavenger
"Omg! Mine said rap music was my problem. Hahahaa! Not all the trauma or death of my father... no rap music was my problem. 🤦♀️🤦♀️" -- Andandromeda3821
Only One Way Out
"I had a therapist who really, really insisted that I have to believe in a higher power of some sort. Yeah, I know that has proven positive effects for some people."
"Doesn't mean it works for me. Plus I'm not just suddenly going to start believing in something I haven't for decades, so can we move on, please?"
Heather, the Nonbeliever
"I had one tell my homophobic parents during family therapy 'Don't worry, a lot of teenage girls think they're bisexual. She'll pick a side before she's 21'"
"I'm almost 22 and still haven't 'picked a side', so f*** you Heather."
-- rayqueerza
An Extremely Morbid Approach
"One therapist asked me what I wanted for myself. I said I wanted peace. She said: You will have peace in the grave." -- wintersweet05
"W H A T" -- DaktiloTuna
"what the actual—" -- thatonebandgeek
Seems Like a Personal Choice
"'You need to have another baby'" -- sidewhiner
"Wtf, a therapist said that? Like an actual f***ing therapist? Bruuuuuuh" -- Cheese_globe
"How was that supposed to help you?? 'Here, have another responsibility and more stress. That will solve everything.'" -- bookishweirdo
Just Stop Being You, Okay?
"Stop being sad and speak to people...im depressed with social anxiety and autism" -- DuplicateSolace
"I once had a therapist tell me I should go to events alone, and start talking to randomers, when I told her I might have social anxiety. Stopped seeing her after that comment.." -- theantonia
Sure Fire Way to Explode Later On
"To keep my feelings to myself in order to not cause problems with my family." -- Sigridhavorrk
"f***ing YIKES" -- ThermonuclearCream
"Bottle it up lol duh"
"I mean, really, how did these people get certified? They're teaching the exact opposite things to do. Even I know you don't do that, and I'm f***ing stupid." -- Basgerin
The Least Fun Fact
"Saw a therapist because of my OCD."
"Told her I had to make my bed every morning in a very particular way, and, in an attempt to get me to 'break that habit' she decided to tell me that 'actually, making your bed traps all the germs in your sheets, which is actually way more gross, so it's better to not.'"
"Result: I was both scared to make my bed and not make my bed. Great."
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