One would think we're in a place in time where all conversations should be easy.
But that is not the case.
So much is still too "taboo" to be truthful about.
It is so frustrating.
There is so much to discuss.
Being shy is understandable, but it's something that we can all get over.
Redditor No_One_Special34 wanted to breakdown some barriers with a few simple conversations, so they asked:
"What is a taboo subject that should be talked about more?"
Speak Up
"Child/infant death. When my daughter died a bunch of people just... stopped talking to me altogether."
BaronMatfei
"I'm sorry to hear about your child."
"A 7-year-old was hit by a truck last week near my son's kg. I've never met the boy but I have had nightmares about it. I can't imagine what the parents are going thru right now. I can't imagine what you are going through."
ikalwewe
"This happened to my mom when my brother died. Nobody knew what to say so few people said anything, and then it was treated like it didn’t happen."
myspiritedconfusion
The Aging Process
"Nursing homes."
Limp_Distribution
"We are a disgustingly ageist society. No wonder people pay BILLIONS for plastic surgery, hair color, and fitness, etc to stay relevant and not be thought of as useless or 'other.' It’s so very hateful. I think our society fears old age and death. It’s a f**king pathos."
Playful-Reflection12
"THANK YOU! I'm a 20-year paramedic. One of the things that I really hoped COVID would shed a light on is the absolutely abhorrent treatment of our elderly and infirmed. The 'treatment' in far too many nursing homes is negligent to a criminal level."
MedicSBK
That's Easy...
"Household budgets and finance - how much your parents make, how much is the mortgage, car insurance, car payment, and so on."
davmoha
"That's easy. House, two cars, three kids, stay-at-home wife, pets, college tuition for everyone in the bank, a summer cottage home by the lake, and a hobby like golf should all do if you're a hardworking drug dealer nowadays."
aaar129
"Agreed! We have gone into detail about our finances with our kids. We have them pick jobs on LinkedIn and a home on Zillow and budget so expenses and have them watch as they realize they can't afford expensive stuff on a crap salary. It's been really great."
HoidWit
Look for the Signs...
"Familial abuse."
"Many people tend to assume that abusive people look creepy/scary and behave badly in general, but they don't seem to get that anyone can be abusive, regardless of appearance or demeanor. An abusive person can easily be charming, attractive, funny, witty, etc."
"Just because you think someone has a few positive qualities does not mean they're incapable of abuse."
"If someone's child 'seems' happy and well behaved, it does not mean that they are automatically OK or safe. There are many signs of abuse, and I wish that more people educated themselves on this issue. We can literally save lives by doing so."
ArtisanalMagi
The Girl Truth
"Girls need to know everything there is to know about menstruation before they experience it. At my school we were only given a quick 'every month you will bleed out your vagina, you can use pads or tampons to absorb it.' Nothing about any of the other mental or physical effects, nothing about how to deal with them, and nothing else reassuring."
IJustpeedyourpants
Why are girls not taught more sooner?
Like what year are we living in?
The End
"Death."
fallen-summer
"Number one for me, especially out-of-order deaths (young deaths). My husband died when I was 33 and he was 38. It's been almost 3 years and people still struggle with how to talk to me. We need to talk about death more as a society."
veganbettie
Only Legal One
"Alcoholism, especially in older generations."
Kaverim
"The biggest drug in the world, the most dangerous, only legal one. Alcohol has been disguised to make society believe it isn't even a drug. Now we're all hooked and can't go a week without a drink, funny because the cravings come back within a week."
Unlucky_Ducky23
"I quit drinking 18 months ago and it kinda sucks because if you want to go meet new ppl or go on a date it usually involves alcohol."
mspote
She's 75
"Comprehensive sex ed. My mother never had sex ed and was convinced that vaginal discharge wasn't normal and that your crotch didn't sweat."
Nay_nay267
"My mother had a condition that requires her to use a catheter. She was shocked to learn that she doesn't urinate from her vagina, and that the opening to her urethra is actually slightly above it. She's 75. I'm a dude, and I've known that since I was 14."
UniversalHammer71
"She was raised Catholic, and her mother taught her nothing. Not even what her period was. She was convinced she was dying."
Nay_nay267
Follow the Money
"Financial debt. In my line of work, I see people's bank accounts and credit reports every day and it is very rare that someone has zero debt. Excluding mortgages (which is a given) the vast majority have car finance, personal loans, and credit card balances. Mostly it's manageable, credit is mostly a convenience for which a person pays interest."
"But debt can also destroy a person. It can keep you up at night feeling like you're literally suffocating. It can lead to suicide. I know because I was close at one point. I don't know if I would have actually gone through with it but I had planned it to the point of measuring rope from the timbers in my attic to my neck and to ensure my feet wouldn't touch the ground."
"If you are in debt you are not alone, you're in the majority. If it's a struggle, notify the lenders/creditors; they're legally obligated to offer options to help you. It might reduce your credit score a bit but please don't ever reduce your life instead."
"Life is precious and money isn't. If you're struggling financially please speak to someone. There is no shame in it, pretty much everyone is struggling financially so someone will understand but please don't let a credit card balance be the reason your life ends."
kitjen
Holy Crap!
"Pooping and poop problems. Colon cancer is so common and relatively treatable, but like all cancers, it's so much better to catch it early - yet so many people are too embarrassed to talk about poop problems, and they don't bring it up with their doctor until it's too late."
"I have ulcerative colitis and make sure all my friends know I'm totally comfortable talking about poop if they ever have any questions about whether something happening to them is normal or concerning."
dorunrun
Speak more. Speak louder. We've all been quiet too long.
People Break Down The Forms Of Mental Abuse No One Really Talks About
There are many forms of abuse–many of which are not physical–that not a lot of people talk about.
The maltreatment of others can be so subtle, the victim may not even recognize they are being bullied, perpetually undermined, or dismissed altogether until they long after the fact.
Curious to hear what others experienced in an attempt to identify the abuse Redditor TheBeardedAntt asked:
"What’s a form of mental abuse that no one really talks about?"
Constantly not getting validated eventually chips away at your confidence.
Dismissed
"When someone consistently undermines your interests and goals and mocks you for them."
– sisan9179
Undermined
"Constantly undermining someone or second guessing someone. My brother does this on a regular basis about big, small or totally irrelevant stuff. At first I didn't think much of it but after a long time it started to make me not be able to make decisions properly because I was always told my decisions were wrong. It took a lot of time to come to the conclusion that even if my decisions are wrong, they're MY decisions and I'm learning from my own mistakes."
– gacaji396
Slow Torture
"Death by a thousand paper cuts."
"When you finally crack, as you should since you are literally being tortured, they paint you as the crazy one. They also cut you in private, until they know you are at your breaking point, then do something seemingly innocuous in public to cause you to explode."
"Some people are really good at it. My mother was very good at it, much to my mother-in-laws chagrin. My MIL is an idiot compared to my mother, so her attempts just look stupid and amateurish to me."
– Canopyflyer
Piling On The Guilt
"Definitely guilt tripping. Both of my exes used to take everything I did 'wrong' as a personal attack and used it to try to make me feel guilty. I want to see my best friend instead of them today? Oh, you must not love me. I didn’t get the right order from Starbucks? You must not care enough to remember the right order. Even worse is when I’m mad at something they did and they use me being mad to guilt trip me, leading to me having to apologize for something they did!"
"I see it all the time and nobody calls people out for doing this, but it really infuriates me."
– TheMagnificentBean
Not all adults are fit for parenting.
Ignored
"Neglect. People always talk about abuse. But neglect, as humorous as it may sound gets neglected. When I was a teenager I would regularly go missing for days. I'd purposely dip out and go to friends houses with a packed bag and tell their parents my mom said it was ok for me to stay for a week."
"My friends parents must've understood no one cared about me at home and would oblige me and let me stay. I'd return home after a few days and see if anyone knew I was gone. After asking if they knew I wasn't home I'd always get a "No, you were out? Oh well that's nice." Once I left for 10 days. I snuck back in that time thinking they have to know I wasn't home and I would be in trouble. I came in through the back door and could clearly hear my mom and stepdad watching TV and enjoying themselves. I break it to them that I wasn't home for 10 days after questioning them in regards of whether they noticed I was gone. They tell me "We thought you were in your room." I was 16 at the time."
– BuildingRelevant7400
Not Fine
"Yeah, you are correct, it f'ks with your head pretty bad. Once as a teenager I stayed up all night with stomach ache and spent the morning puking, after brown ooze came up I figured f'k this I want to go to the hospital, so I tell my mother and she just brushes it off 'you are fine'."
"I call my friend and his mother takes me to the hospital and I have my appendix removed. Anyhow, I already distrusted my mother but after this I knew to never count on her. It was not a question of means, we have free healthcare, middle class etc."
– blissone
Abandoned
"Same. My parents once left me alone at 11 for 2 weeks to go on vacation. Never checked up on me and I skipped school the entire time. Finally found out a year later and when they asked how I just said 'no one ever asked.' They gave me rules like I 5 minutes to talk to them after school because I was 'annoying.' I couldn’t see for years because they’d forget that I needed glasses."
"It lead me to develop selective-mutism and I spent most of my childhood on my own and disappearing for long periods of time. If I had an issue I learned to either deal with it myself or be silent about it. Many relatives and friends parents along the way that would 'adopt' me and would basically teach me how to be a functioning person. I grew up too fast yet also lacked basic social skills:knowledge (at one point I was tested for autism because of it). I opened up more later on but I still have those habits that creep in once in a while."
– dylandbloom
"Fear-Based Parenting"
"Any kind of fear based parenting."
"I remember how you made me feel when I was small and vulnerable. I was afraid. No you didn’t hit me that hard, but that’s by adult standards. To me you were a giant 3 times my size."
"If a child is afraid of you they won’t trust you. Ever."
– burn-babies-burn
Ticking Off Boxes
"Being brought up by parents who think that if you’re fed, watered & clothed that’s their responsibilities completed."
– Vyvyansmum
Too Controlling
"Not allowing children to make choices."
"I was raised by parents who dictated most decisions. Making good choices is a necessary skill. I think children raised this way do not develop a sense of autonomy. I have a terrible time making decisions, and I don't care about many things like color choices, food, recreation, and more important life choices like partners and occupations. It is harder to find pleasure in life when choices are based on what you dislike the least."
– wastedintime
The people you bring into your life may not always be who you had hoped they were.
Invaded
"Getting rid of your stuff without asking. Filming you without asking. Going through your phone and belongings without asking. Nothing f'ks up your trust more than your privacy constantly being invaded. Thousands of pictures, gone. All my social media, gone. Almost all my contacts, gone. My jacket I got for Christmas, gone. All without my knowledge or permission."
"EDIT: My EX did all of this sh*t. My parents are lovely and would never do such awful things."
– isabellla321
Walking On Thin Ice
"Living with a narcissist and never knowing what will set them off. Did you say something in the wrong tone? Did you have a good day and want to talk about it? It's like walking on thin ice all of the time and it's stressful because you never know what will set them off."
– stazib14
Money Matters
"Financial abuse. I didn't even know it was a legitimate thing until recently."
– peachpinkjedi
"I wish more people recognized it as ACTUAL abuse. It's insidious and controlling and manipulative. Just because it's not physically painful or make someone actually cry doesn't mean it isn't."
– ephemeralkitten
As a kid, I always thought being constantly ridiculed for being "different" and "a sissy" and subjected to lots of name-calling and racial slurs were unbearable enough to make me want to vanish.
The emotional bullying was so torturous, I remember thinking I would have rather taken several punches to the face instead.
Words hurt. Words matter.
Reading through some of these examples is a good reminder we should be cautious with how we use them.
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People withhold information from members of the opposite sex for one of two possible reasons.
"What do girls 'never' tell guys?"
That time of the month.
The Gush
"How much blood comes out and the jelly-like stuff during our periods."
– CA_catwhispurr
Excruciating Extraction
"How painful taking out a dry tampon is. Feels like your insides are being scraped out."
– Endoftheline0916
Feigning Ignorance
"Randomly you're just sitting there and a bunch of p*ssy juice decides to come out for no reason and it feels like you pissed yourself but you just gotta act like nothing happened."
– VauchaMach
Solo Diaglogue
"The entire time you were talking to me I was bleeding through my tampon and didnt follow a word you said because im wondering if I have another fucking tampon in my bag."
– dragnbyte
The price of beauty.
Preserving The Locks
"When I wear my hair in certain ways it means I’ve not gotten the chance to wash it in a while.."
– fairyprincesspheonix
When In Braids
"Always so funny when i have my hair in french/dutch braids and someone compliments them but all i can think is 'you have no idea how badly i need to wash that.'”
– isakeijser
Hair, There, Everywhere
"We remove hair a lot more than just our legs, bikini, and armpits."
"It differs for us all. Stomachs, sideburns, upper lip, chin, nose, nipples, chest, feet, toes, arms. Pretty much anywhere men grow hair.. we got it. Always great when it’s just peach fuzz. But not always the case!"
– annniiitttaaaaa
What happens in the bathroom should stay in the bathroom.
Stream Duet
"Sometimes when we pee we get more than one pee stream, just like you."
– ninriel
Fountain Of Youth
"I never realized what an uncontrolled stream girls have until it was time to potty train my daughters. It just goes everywhere."
– kriznis
Fecal Phenomenon
"Battle Sh*ts."
– Kelricmar
"Ahhh! You sunk my battlesh*t!"
– Hutcher_Du
And here is a compilation of general odds and ends.
Birth And Babies
"Lot of things to do with birth and babies. I was shocked at how little my bf, who has only brothers, knew about birth and he was shocked at how much I did know."
"Realised it's because mothers, aunts, sisters, female cousins, friends and co-workers will get into the details around other women but if there's a man around its handwaved."
"Eg 'I had to pump for two hours yesterday, it was so painful cos my nipples are chapped and bleeding and some blood got in the milk so it's a bit pink. Look I took a photo. Apparently it's fine. He's having issues latching. One time I finally got him to latch and then I had to shit so I had to sh*t while feeding him and I have haemorrhoids from the birth so wiping was so difficult and so painful I started crying.'"
Man walks in
"Yeah feeding can be tricky".
Bullet Points
"Oh, man. Off the top of my head:"
"-ALWAYS pee after sex (alone or with a partner). Edit: I meant sex with a partner or masturbation. The peeing can be done alone or in a couples setting, you do you."
"-Cold water to remove the blood from fabrics. Heat will set it in."
"-Your body is yours and not weird. It may not look the same as others, but who cares. Find what you enjoy about your body!"
"-A partner who loves you WILL NOT: demean, abuse, sexually repress, belittle, etc."
"-Your body will do things you may not like, but every woman’s body does these things. Therefore, it’s ok. Don’t be ashamed of normal bodily functions."
"-DO KEGELS!! For numerous reasons. Just do them. They don’t take that long and nobody knows you are doing them."
"-You should definitely know what your vulva looks likes. If you don’t, grab a mirror and check it out. Make sure you keep an eye on any moles, or discolored spots."
"-Antibiotics can mess with your birth control. Use a backup while on them."
"-Do not use soap on your vulva. Use water, or a specially ph’d soap for that region."
"-Men can get yeast infections too. If you get one and are sexually active with one person, it’s possible he has one too and you will just get one again."
"-NEVER go anus to vagina!!! This is a super important one that I forgot and shouldn’t have."
– Rahallahan
Gentlemen, if you've read this far, congratulations.
Consider yourselves enlightened of the details that may have been spared for your benefit but are actual everyday obstacles that are completely normal for women.
This is a shame-free zone.
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Our thoughts are sacred, and when someone asks at any given moment what we're pondering about, we are not under any obligation to invite them into our heads.
Some are too personal, while others are more or less out of caution to avoid disrupting the status quo.
But when it comes to specific genders dealing with topics that are better left unsaid, Redditor SleepyHead017 asked:
"What do guys 'never' tell girls?"
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
The Gas Leak
"It wasn’t silent and yes, I can smell it."
– Phrobowroe
"Ah yeye, that reminds me of the ice breaking moment with my gf. We had been dating for some months and one weekend she visited me in my one bedroom apartment. She went to the rest room, which had a paper thin door, and ripped a pretty loud one."
"A few seconds later she asks me if I heard that. Didn't know a proper answer, so I just responded 'No!.' I was also on the tipping point of ripping one, so I did and asked her 'Did you hear that?.' She didn't answer, but I could hear her giggle."
– slimcdk
Courteousness
"For my last girlfriend, I would get up in the middle of the night to 'pee,' except I would just walk into the kitchen and release all the farts I had been holding in while in bed. The one night I ran into my roommate who also had his girlfriend over, and we just stood in the kitchen farting until it was time to go back to bed."
– Bradiator34
"Just fart man. If she farts back, put a ring on it."
– Green-Jello-Farts
Death Breath
"You have Cheez It breath."
– Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Sometimes, it's best to be a mystery.
Genuine Thoughts
"i am deadly afraid you will think i am creepy. that why i am awkward."
– electric-angel
Inside My Head
"What I’m thinking about when you ask me what I’m thinking about because you wouldn’t believe me if I told you what it really was."
– bcereus8
Behind The Wheel
"I don't usually have strong opinions about 'where to go for dinner' because I'm already the only person that drives the car, and I don't want to seem like I'm controlling everything we do together."
– Mr_Shakes
Reading Between The Lines
"Just because i text 'good night' doesn't mean i go to sleep immediately. I just need some time alone."
– Sincityutopia
TMI
"We're not scratching our balls, we're either adjusting them, getting them unstuck from our leg, or plain playing with them. Itchy balls require a pinch and twist."
– UnoriginalUse
Two Modes
"We have two modes. We either notice every tiny little thing but don’t say anything or we just don’t care about most things. It entirely depends on who we are talking to."
– thatonepingu
Pure Fear
"That I'm scared out of my mind to talk to you."
– Quick_Damage4512
If the truth can hurt, why cause harm?
Alone Time
"While I'm quietly saying good night to you and the kids, inside my head William Wallace is screaming 'FREEDOM!'"
– gentlemancorpse42
Boys Club
"Where our really cool boys only treehouse is and no you can't come it's boys only."
– TedIsCoolIGuess
Bordering On Body-Shaming
"When you ask us if a dress is making you look fat or not, we are scared af. We can be your friend, son, brother, bf/fiancé/husband, father but we are scared to to tell you if it actually makes you look fat."
– More-Masterpiece-561
Guys withholding information from women could stem from the stereotype that the fairer sex needs protection from emotional distress.
But if that's the case, being non-communicative depending on the situation can be a disservice, and it undermines the tolerance level women are capable of having.
However, exercising discretion is advised, regardless of gender. Unless the recipient is willing to hear it, harsh truths are better left unspoken.
What do you think?
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Not everywhere is the same as America, coming as a big surprise to no one.
Every country hands down their own customs and ways of living, built over centuries, sometimes even millennia, of interactions and societal preferences.
You might encounter these while traveling, forcing you to make a simple decision that could either please someone or make them incredibly frustrated.
Just remember, keep an open mind and never worry about asking:
"Do I take my shoes off or leave them on?"
Reddit user, Faking_Faker, wanted to know what never to do when they asked:
"What is considered disrespectful in your country?"
It's All In What You Wear
Most cultural customs of respect come in what you wear. What might be acceptable to have on in your own home won't fly when you travel abroad, so be prepared to ditch whatever you're wearing at a moment's notice.
Shoes In Houses Is A Big Deal
Not taking your shoes off when you enter someone's home.
Here In Mexico we don't take our shoes off, we just step on a rug before go in someone's house
Can confirm when I visit family in Mexico and growing up in a Mexican household here in the states. I don't think anyone ever took off their shoes except like in their rooms/on the bed because at least for my family, if your shoes were off in Mexico, you were bound to step on anything little creature or the house would just constantly have dust blowing in so your feet would be dirty anyways. I guess it just stuck to my parents and everyone else who came to the states lol.
Don't Block The Lord
It's considered "disrespectful" (perhaps even irreverent) for a man to wear a hat in church.
Women can wear hats in church, if they wish - but not men (even in winter, when it's cold outside and the building is only minimally heated).
Don't Turn Them Away
To sit down and your shoes are facing the one you talking to
Being Polite Out In Public
Truthfully, the easiest way to make a social error is out in public when everyone can politely remind you you're doing something wrong. They're not trying to be mean, per say, but it does give the most eyes to your mistake. Just hold the door open the next time and be sure to slurp your noodles.
Give The Wave
Australian here. If someone let's you merge in on the road, or if you let someone pass on a tight street, its SUPER important you give them a little wave. If you don't, it makes you a massive cunt.
Also, using overly formal/respectful language is like, a way of showing disrespect to someone
You Better Finish EVERYTHING
I am not from Italy but my parents are from there and it is offensive to the chef or who ever cooked your meal if you do not finish what they have cooked.
Shh-Shh-Shhhhh
Being loud in public transportation. This includes laughing loudly.
To add to this: playing music in public.
Even on hiking trails around my city its a guarantee that you'll pass at least one person with a speaker, blaring music. I came out here to get away from the city grind wtf
We Said 7:00, Sharp
Germany: Being late to an appointment, even though it's a meet up with friends, is considered very, very rude. Tbh I would hate letting someone wait for me so I always arrive half an hour too early lmaoo even to doctor appointments
Yeah same in Sweden.
The culture clash of South Americans (maybe central as well?l and Spaniards/portugese with germanic/scandinavian is frustrating.
To me its a sign if huge disrespect and waste of others time to be late for appointments. When visiting someone at home its a bit more lenient but having someone wait around in a public place or such I can't really handle me or others showing up late, especially when it goes into a few hours...
It's Okay?
Slurping or chomping your food.
It's something that you really don't notice until you're somewhere it happens. It may be one of the biggest cultural shocks while in parts of Asia.
I went to China for a month and ate a ton of noodles while there. One day we were eating really long noodles with oil/sauce on them and as I was eating I noticed that I had to continuously wipe my mouth with the napkins while my asian friends did not. Then I realized that when you slurp it leaves room between the noodle and your lip to let the sauce enter your mouth and it doesn't end up piling up on your lips as you suck the noods in. That was the day I learned why slurping is big in Asia.
The Lesser Known Explanations
These ones feel ingrained to their countries of origin, built around years of interactions. Keep your ears open when you travel abroad and you'll learn a lot.
Filipino Households Aren't Playing Around
Try to talk with elders or someone 7-10yrs older than you without using "po" and "opo".
The Art Of The Tea Dance
There are very specific rules about offering tea to someone in Ireland. When someone offers you tea you have to say no. Then they have to "are you sure?" and you have to say "no thank you I'm certain". Then they have to go "ah go on you'll have a bit. Then you have to go "no I'm fine thanks". It keeps going on like this until one person gives in. So if you offer someone tea and they say no you have to keep pushing. If you don't it's just not Irish.
How Very Canadian Of You.
If you bump into someone, it's expected that you say you're sorry. Makes sense. But if someone bumps into you, you also say sorry. And if you almost bump into someone, you still say sorry. So when someone bumps into me or almost bumps into me, and I say sorry but they don't say it back, I feel a deep rage within me that the Canadian Code has been disrespected. I don't need to be sorry! But I said it! How dare you stay silent?!
Although, I one time apologized when I saw two people bump into each other near me when I had nothing to do with it, so I may be taking this a bit too far.
Wait, Huh?
I've lived in Peru for five years now and the one thing that continues to baffle me is that people being dishonest in transactions is abnormally common and accepted as normal, but calling out the dishonest person is considered a horrible breach in etiquette and cause for legal action even if true.
So in short: stealing? Acceptable and no big deal. Calling a thief a thief out loud? Horrible behavior.
I'm Fine, How Are....I'm Already Bored...
Not engaging in small talk. People are so affronted if you don't do the whole "How are you? I'm fine. There is weather outside." My husband and I are seriously so bad about this and need to move to Finland.
I wish there was a happy medium. A little small talk can be acceptable, but mostly, tell me what you want and then go away.
Every country's customs should be understood with the respect you would want if someone came in to your own home. Be open-minded, listen to what they're saying, and always ask if someone wants shoes "on" or "off" when you visit their home. It's just common courtesy.
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