Redditors Explain Which Types Of People Get Treated With Less Sympathy Than They Deserve
CW: domestic violence.
People carry biases and false beliefs with them about a broad spectrum of things.
Unfortunately, some of those beliefs involve people, and those beliefs can limit or even hurt them.
Redditor anthropocener47 asked:
"What kind of people often get treated with less sympathy?"
"Just Lose Some Weight," They Say
"People who are overweight."
"There is this perception that all of my issues are because I am overweight."
- grumpydinosaur77
Male Survivors
"I'm a male who has been a victim of Domestic Violence, and let me tell you: People not only don't take you seriously, but they'll actually put you down."
"They'll talk s**t about you. They'll say you deserved it. They'll belittle you for getting beat up by a girl; god help you if you actually physically defended yourself in any situation where you were getting assaulted by a woman."
"The most I've ever done is restrain a woman when she was beating on me. And I've had people tell me that this was going 'too far' and that I should have just stood there and taken it. And I am NOT a little guy, which seems to make things worse."
"If you get your a** kicked, you're a b***h. If you defend yourself, you're the abuser. There's absolutely no winning in that situation."
"There is 100% no sympathy for male victims of domestic violence. It's sickening how uniformly society acts regarding this topic."
- ImPrblyWeird
Angry PTSD
"People who lose their temper when desperately trying to get people to understand that they have been abused."
"It’s actually a serious problem in courts that abuse victims look crazy and unstable because they do normal human things like express emotion and are often quite emotional and anxious after their abuse so they are perceived as untrustworthy, shifty, easily confused, erratic and liars."
"Meanwhile, their abuser is calm and collected and charming and comes off very well because why wouldn’t they, none of this affects them. They just lie and get away with it and are believed that they are the stable one and their victim is crazy and the real abuser."
- badgersprite
Those Seeking Self-Improvement
"People who made some bad choices in the past and are trying to better their lives."
- Ok_Win7358
The Bullied Kids
"Kids who are bullied."
"'Well, I didn’t see it happen.' No, because he did it when you weren’t looking. That’s the point."
- Pro_Gamer_Queen21
The Elderly
"As a kid, I visited my grandparents in assisted living facilities several times a week. These were dementia wards where no one knew who anyone was. No one knew where they were or why they were there."
"Easily 90% of the time, we were the only family there. No one visited their crazy parents because it was scary and depressing."
"It’s really fueled my wish to study dementia and work with people who have it. Often they have no one to look out for them."
- an_ineffable_plan
Smile More
"People that don't smile. My best friend is an absolute angel of a person but I've only seen him smile a few times over the last seven years. Traumatic events are a motherf**ker."
- rockonyou717
Chronically Ill
"Chronically ill and disabled people who don’t get 'better' after a few months (because that’s not how chronic illness or disability f**king works)."
- SolidChildhood5845
Themselves to Blame
"People with Lung Cancer or Type 2 Diabetes. The 'you did this to yourself' attitude."
- kategoad
An Unfair System
"People who stutter. People who are quiet. People with social anxiety. People who can’t speak English well. Men who don’t earn. Men who earn less. Women who can’t conceive. People with mental disabilities."
- Painkiller124
"People in 'unskilled' positions. Sure, a burger flipper or custodian doesn’t need a college degree, but unskilled does not equal not hard work."
"Having to prepare so much food in little time, deal with rude customers, and cleaning up stuff. The number of stories of people smearing poop on the walls. The stuff these people go through, people should feel sympathy."
- guzhogi
Mental Illness on the Job
"I have BPD (Bipolar Disorder) and have suffered from depression for over 20 years."
"I've been applying for jobs lately where it asks for disability declaration and specifically mentions mental illness and I still have a hard time selecting it for fear of not being believed or it costing me the job."
- Clayroo
Severe Anxiety
"I had a hard time sympathizing with people who suffer from severe anxiety. My attitude was always 'just deal with it, stress is temporary.'"
"Last summer there was a series of events that triggered unprecedented anxiety for me, I didn't eat for days at a time, barely slept, and could barely function at work. It was absolutely debilitating and felt completely uncontrollable."
"A week on vacation helped but it came back as soon as I got home. So I went to my doctor and he prescribed a few meds, which helped a lot."
"Now I understand that kind of crippling anxiety, and I'm a lot more sympathetic to those who struggle to manage it."
- EncanisUnbound
Invisible Illness
"I LOOK so incredibly healthy. But I'm not. I'm crippled for life, and I'm in pain from it until it kills me. I keep quiet about it, because I don't want attention on it and I don't like to waste my energy making noise about it."
"But some people who find out are very weird about it."
"I look like a cherub. A cute young girl, with rosy cheeks, a lil chubby, very short, with a baby face. And seemingly healthy as heck."
"In reality, I'm a grown woman who is crippled as f**k, in agony most days, has hidden open sores under my hair, and arthritis in every joint including my neck and spine."
"I'm on more medications than both your grandparents combined. We're probably on some of the same ones. And for some of the ones I'm on, their doctor would refuse to give them."
"I might not live very long. But I also might, hard to say."
"But those times I have to fight to be treated like a person really and truly suck. Because My pain makes other people feel uncomfortable."
- littlegingerfae
The Poor
"There's a real disdain towards poorer people like they should magically be able to make more money."
"For lots of people, they have disadvantages that make that more difficult, like a lack of education or support, lack of time, illness or disability, or even just being stuck in a neverending cycle and having to time/money/ability to get themselves out."
"For some others, they prioritize other parts of life over money, and there's nothing wrong with making that choice for yourself."
- cmc
The subReddit was left collectively shaking its head as the community thought about the various people who are often undervalued, underappreciated, and under-supported, simply because of who they are.
But the worst truth is that so many of these situations are unavoidable, like growing older or being ill. Even for those that could be corrected with time, like having more money, it would only make sense that supporting that person more would allow them to change their situation more quickly.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, help is available 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. You can also find additional support and resources on their website: https://www.thehotline.org/
People Explain Which Teen Movies Made Them Think 'The Older I Get, The More I Agree With The Adult'
There's a fairly common formula in movies geared toward a teenage audience.
A group of teenagers face one central conflict, to varying degrees of importance and severity, but manage to solve it in a surprisingly short manner of time.
The heroes of these films are usually a hodgepodge of traditional high school archetypes (star athlete, math nerd, girl whose beauty is disguised by a pair of glasses), all of whom the intended audience can completely relate to and root for.
And then we have the adult characters, who are often buffoonish stereotypes, or the outright villain, whose sole mission is to ensure the protagonist will not achieve their ultimate goal.
As teenagers, we often find ourselves ready to boo these grown-ups from the minute they appear on the screen.
But when we revisit these movies as adults, we find ourselves noticing that their behavior isn't quite as bad as we remembered.
Or, more shockingly, we actually find ourselves rooting for them!
"What teen movie is the epitome of 'the older I get, the more I agree with the adult?'"
The Teacher Was Right All Along...
"Rewatching 'Scrubs', I realize I’m no longer a JD., I’ve become a Cox."- RenegadeRinker
They Were Just Being Protective!
"I watched 'Sixteen Candles' recently and I now do not approve of Samantha going anywhere near Jake Ryan."-goblininstigator
All It Takes Is A Little Perspective
"Sadly, 'The Wonder Years'."
"I always couldn’t believe the dad was real, with his pissed off attitude from work."
"Now I understand."- hashn
The Wonder Years Thumbs Down GIFGiphyNothing Wrong With A Little Precision And Order!
"The movie 'Juno'."
"Jennifer Garner's character is at first portrayed as a 'square', then you realize she's a mature adult and her husband is a man-baby."- DaveFarted
Add It Up, The Wedding Cost Nearly $150,00!
"Not a teen movie, but 'Father of the Bride'."
"Watching it as a kid, Steve Martin seemed like an old grump."
"Rewatching it as an adult, holy sh*t he is the only sane person in that movie."- DrOctopusMD
It Was Literally His Job To Protect Them!
"'The Lion King'."
"Oh I thought Zazu was just an old fun-killer."
"What do you mean, Simba can't be king?"
"Why would you prevent the kids from going where they want?"
"As an adult and father, I'm 100% Team Zazu."- Oneiric86
the lion king GIF by DisneyGiphySeriously, Would Your Dad Have Been So Cool About It?...
"'American Pie'."
"As a new father, I hope to be like Jim’s dad when my little one is a teenager."
"Caring, loving and a complete embarrassment to them."- BanjoPhatterson
It's A Parent's Job To Worry.
"The mom in 'Ice Princess'."
"So you have a daughter who has a talent for and seems to like physics and has a shot of getting into Harvard."
"This girl throws it away for ice skating where she has only been competing for less than a year, where if she gets injured she's done and when she reaches 30 she's pretty much done."
"There is no way she is at an olympic level at that point she would need years of training! "
"Hell yes I would advise against it to!"- testmonkey254
Always Be Respectful Of Your Roommate!
"Goob, 'Meet the Robinsons'."- beepboop232
Meet The Robinsons Google GIFGiphyPeople Are Complicated
"Dr Doofenschmirtz."
"He’s just trying to do something right and being a good dad."- LukeLJS123
Dancing
"In Dirty Dancing, Jerry Orbach just wanted a family summer vacation and instead learned entirely too much about his daughters’ sex lives." - User Deleted
Menace
"Mr. Wilson in Dennis the Menace. Seriously, f**k that little miscreant and his parents that turn a blind eye to his shenanigans." -HotTub_MKE
Wimpy
"Haven't watched the movies, but I assume that the movies are similar enough, Diary of a wimpy kid, bro, your mom just wants to stop being a housewife and have a job and you complain that she isn't in the house anymore to be your personal slave, when you get from school you don't even greet her, you just give her your back pack, you little sh*t, do one thing in your life, did you ever thank her for anything Gregory?" - Torture-Dancer
Wonka
"Gene Wilder in original Charlie and the Chocolate factory “stop, don’t... come back” - isaacmorton
Good Will
"Good Will Hunting."
"A great film to watch as a smug, witty underachiever, however genuinely smart & funny you might be (at least according to your friends)."
"But go back to it 15 or 20 years later, perhaps after losing your wife to cancer, and you'll freak out at this scene."
"Source: No idea how smart or funny I really used to be, but I was definitely smug. I married the person I'd been with since we were both 16. She died at 33." - cdeverett
Rugrats
"Rugrats. The parents were so young and just doing their best. I like it was a group of neighbors that were best friends too. I get really stressed out on their behalf now. Especially the one where didi just wants to make it home before her banana tree she bought died in the car but no one could get their sh*t together." - cunexttuesday12
Daria
"Way late to the party; but I’m gonna say “Daria”."
"I used to be a disaffected teen too. All my problems were SO HUGE! And Daria’s parents just DIDN’T UNDERSTAND!"
"I watch it now, and Jake Morgendorffer is who I identify best with. He’s supposed to seem silly and crazy and out of touch, but now I just see a guy who worries so much about providing for his family, dealing with insecurity about his masculinity, and trying to relate to his daughters any way he can in spite of being completely baffled by them, because his hypermasculine upbringing left him ill-equipped to relate to girls."
"Poor Jake. He just wants to be a better dad than his dad. And in spite of his goofiness, I think he does an okay job." - corran450
As teens we're inclined to revolt from our parents and teachers, or even be revolted by them.
But the older we get, the more we understand that nine times out of ten, they were just looking out for us.
Just as we realize that Mr. Hall of Clueless was being pretty generous giving a C to a student who didn't seem to know how to pronounce "Haitian"...
Any small act of kindess can save the world.
And we need them now more than ever.
Redditor No-Fig-8614 wanted to share about what minor actions have great power. They asked:
"What small gestures impact your life the most?"
Everytime I've cried in public, people have lent a hand. Made me smile and move forward.
Accomplishments
Russian Sport GIF by OlympicsGiphy"Friends who honestly recognize your hard work achievements."
el_buzzsaw
Kindergarten
"When someone remembers little details about me."
spicegrl17
"Bro this guy was in the same kindergarten class as me. We were friendly but as we grew up we kinda drifted. Like middle and high school I don't even remember talking to this guy. He sorta became popular and I was just vibing in middle class territory."
"One time we sat at the same table in a class in 8th grade and again in 12th. And each time he would bring up some super random memory of us from kindergarten that even I don't remember. and when I tell you that sh*t would have the biggest impact on me. Like we were still always friendly and would smile in the halls, but even typing this now makes me smile. Never expected him to remember such random little things."
Careful_Pickle555
Connection
"When strangers are kind to me for no reason it gives me hope for humanity."
Crafty-Tangerine-491
"When I lived in a new city as a broke masters student, I would pick the cashiers that I knew would chitchat with me just to get some human interaction. Not easy in England it turns out. Now I’m on the other side of this situation and I try to read when someone might need that kind of interaction."
Ndeipi
Praise You!
"When people openly praise me/others or they are comfortable communicating their positive feelings. There are a few notable people in my life who are like this and every time i'm around them I either blush or get a loss for words for how much their words/actions matter."
"I think it's because I'm used to criticism or not really being noticed and when they say kind words or are considerate my brain melts. I notice people like this usually have a quiet pulse or sense of others confidence levels/ anxiety levels and they are naturally nurturing or comfortable with building others up."
g0ldf1nch_
Genuine
Dog Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Hearing from others that positive things have been said about me when I wasn’t around. Makes me feel like they’re really genuine."
neuro_illogical
I love all of those. It would make me feel warm and fuzzy.
Even if it's small...
"Being polite and using basic manners."
withurwife
"As a teenage retail worker, it's sooo nice when people say can I pay for this please. Or just something nice. Or treat me like a normal human being and have an actual conversation with me. Even if it's small. It helps me get through the day and deal with the crappy customers that act like I'm they're slave."
tomahawk167
Look Up
"Making eye contact with someone and realizing you both have the same reaction to whatever the hell is happening in front of you."
NormalVermicelli1066
"This is awesome. It's like a universal language when something crazy is happening and you catch the eye of the person next to you and she widens her eyes slightly. It's like I'm not alone in my head."
flowergirl0720
Time
"My social skills are practically nonexistent thus holding a conversation with someone is impossible. I stutter and my accent comes out. I just started working a week ago and have had to introduce myself to the staff. Afterwards, people came up to me to start a conversation yet left after they realized I wasn’t really speaking."
"I understand why, but I still feel guilty and sad as I don’t want to be alone. Therefore, it is a blessing when someone still keeps trying. I swear I slowly start opening up, I just need time. Most people aren’t willing to spend that time though."
No-Anything-0
Join Us
Season 4 Group GIF by FriendsGiphy"Being included."
sturglemeister
"This 100%, being included makes all the difference. Even if you don't know the friend group, just being asked makes a massive difference."
No-Fig-8614
So Pretty
"When my neighbor called me handsome. Too bad her grand daughter doesn’t agree."
Foolishincel
"Oh man, same thing like that happened to me. In a restaurant, the waitress said I was handsome and walked away. Another waitress went up to her and said, You think he is handsome? Oh well each her own."
thomas4004
Be Calm
"I didn't have my wallet at the gas station and started to panic and the guy said no problem, you are good."
Rotterddoom
Thanks
"Letting in cars in traffic and getting a wave of acknowledgement and thanks."
northjersey78
"Getting a wave back after you wave is always my favorite. I kinda lightly scorn the people who don't wave back. Only slightly because we are driving death machines."
teenytiny77
Booster
Youre Cute Emma Stone GIF by ZombielandGiphy"When random old ladies call me cutesie names like 'hun' or 'sweetie.' It's like getting a grandma love booster shot from a stranger."
SchrodingersNutsack
"I can play this card now and it works as well both ways. I try to be as patient, kind and encouraging as I can. It's good to hear it's appreciated."
holdonwhileipoop
Different
"Friends who hold different beliefs and opinions who stick by you despite the differences. Everyone needs to have friends around them who will challenge their beliefs."
RolyPoly1320
"Honestly this is so rare these days, I remember in my high school days there was this one kid who listened to dead mouse, and he was a respectable guy, so everyone respected him for being different."
Fresh_Proposal2938
So Happy
U Know Flirt GIF by WimbledonGiphy"As a male, getting compliments from the opposite sex. It’s just a really good feeling and can make a guy happy for along time. We receive so few that each one feels special. And this actually goes for relationships too. My last gf never really complimented me and it kind of bothered me. But when she did they meant a lot because they actually seemed more genuine."
saosin702
all by kids...
"Little kids being friendly to me at work. I’m a host at a pretty busy chain restaurant and have been hugged randomly by kids, been told i’m pretty, had my hair complimented, my makeup and jewelry complimented, my boots. all by kids. it just flatters me so much, especially knowing that most small children just say what they’re thinking in all honesty. Makes work a little more bearable."
disco-paradox
Compliments
Ufc 205 Thank You GIF by UFCGiphy"People who notice. For instance: The driver in front who pulls forward and a bit over so I can make a right turn at the red light. People who pick up trash. People who compliment you. You all just makes the world a bit nicer."
momofdragons3
Defending Me
"People defending me when I'm fat shamed. It seems like a little thing, but it means a lot. The suckiest bit about starting at 375 is that it'll take me two years to safely lose what I need to and with that said, people don't see progress and often doubt me, especially if I take a step backwards. So when people defend me, it makes me feel so much better about what I'm doing."
1BoiledCabbage
It takes so little to make others feel good. Just do it.
In this day and age, with the state of the world what it is... it's a miracle people aren't sobbing at every gas pump, cash register and red light.
Tears are healthy.
Unless they're being used for manipulation or a tantrum.
We release emotion with our tears.
And one of the most emotional places to be is at work.
That can be a sobfest.
So what is the best way to help in that situation?
Let's compare notes and tissue brands.
Redditortiredoflandwanted to hear about the times they had to deal with emotions at work.
They asked:
"How do you handle people crying at work?"
I have cried many a time over the years. Especially when waiting tables. A hug always helped.
Condolences
six feet under GIF by HBOGiphy"As a funeral director, I tend to just touch them on their arm and hand them tissues. And stay quiet."
Oct92018
Cry on Me
"I usually provide a tissue. I often get hugged. My last job, we had a meeting and one of the people in the meeting, well, she seemed off. Everyone filed out and I kind of lingered, asked, 'Hey, is there something wrong you want to talk about?' Boom, waterworks, she had to put her cat down this morning, etc. I am the guy in the office people cry on, I guess."
Nadaesque
to a science...
"I'm a teacher, so it's a near daily occurrence for me. I have a jar full of candy - usually chocolate- on my desk (the kids call it sad candy), a chair, and a big round plush bird toy just the right size for hugging. His name is Sherbert, cause he's colored like rainbow sherbet. They can talk it out with me or just cry in silence if they'd rather, but I just sit with them until they're ready to re-join the world. It's sad, but I have this crap down to a science."
ThePhiff
The Stress of It All
"I work for a 911 center, you better believe there is crying. Especially when an employee is new and they give CPR to an infant and its not a positive turnout, someone kills themself while you are talking to them on the phone. Pretty soon your heart and soul die and you can deal with it, but something especially awful happens and it hits you. I have been doing it for 28 years and have seen plenty people come and go, who couldn't handle the stress?"
One-Butterscotch-786
Fur Babies
"In the veterinary industry, unfortunately, if you notice a co-worker is or has been crying, usually you pretend not to have noticed, maybe ask them nonchalantly if they can do something for you that isn't client-facing for a while like fill prescriptions, and don't bring it up later unless you're friends outside of work."
"Everybody cries at work at some point, and it's not even usually about a sick/dying animal. If a client is crying though, you have to be sensitive, empathetic, comforting, gentle, offer them privacy and condolences without smothering them."
"Clients cry for the reasons you expect, and of course it's hard to see them through it, because dealing with a sick or dying pet is hard. Staff will often shed a tear in these appointments too, but most often when a co-worker is crying it's because another person went out of their way to hurt them. Be kind to your veterinary staff folks, we feel pain too."
sainttawny
People do seem to cry a lot. Makes sense, I do.
I'm Here
Tell Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"'Is there anything I can do?' Then just listen. Often the listening is enough."
Pavlock
Kindness
"I work in healthcare, so this happens quite frequently. Usually it’s patients. Most often, people just want their feelings validated and that someone understands them. That’s all. Being empathetic goes a long way."
moscowmulesplz
"Yes! Empathy truly goes a long way!"
ElBarbon026
Alone
"Saw a chick crying at work, sitting outside. Half wanted to ask her if she was ok but when someone is crying hard sometimes they just want to be left alone in their feelings and it must be embarrassing enough to cry at work, so I left her alone and kept walking."
KiwiCatPNW
He is Awful
"Many years ago I (male) was having an extended discussion with a female coworker about something technical and I noticed that she would periodically start crying during our talk. I was so dense that I thought (perhaps out of intended politeness) that I should just ignore this and go on."
"For some reason I have often thought about this and reflected on the fact that it would have been much more humane to at least ask her if she was OK, if she would prefer to talk later, if she would like to talk instead about what was upsetting."
"Later I heard from someone else that she had travelled to the area from another state with her boyfriend. He had a job at another company nearby that was expanding rapidly and she had received the news that he was already cheating on her with multiple coworkers."
fund0us
I'm Blind
"I follow the golden rule so I ignore them, pretend not to see them, and later talk to them normally like nothing happened, because that is what I want in their position."
xyanon36
"Same! I tend to get more upset if someone checks on me, because now I'm embarrassed and feel exposed on top of what's causing me to cry in the first place. Since I never want to be the cause of that, I won't ever approach someone in that state."
Annonymous_97
There is no perfect way to comfort somebody. You just do it. Or apparently... look away.
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Have you ever just hit your limit with the people around you? There's just so much bad behavior... it's no wonder why some decide to distance themselves from others, for the sake of their own sanity.
Like... what's up with people who spoil their children... and then complain that their children are spoiled? Whose fault is that, huh? Some people have no self awareness whatsoever.
That's not the only bad behavior that annoys me – or others in general. Far from it. People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor Sickman1920282736 asked the online community,
"What kind of people do you have no sympathy for?"
"People who use..."
"People who use their kids' suffering for attention."
emolata
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. Quite the rabbit hole to go down.
"People who start..."
"People who start drama out of boredom."
[deleted]
So toxic. Or people who are constantly complaining about problems that they created for themselves. Insufferable.
"Not to be confused..."
"People that always play the victim role. Not to be confused with people that are actually victims of something."
Atlantic_Nikita
When you meet people like that, it's best to run as fast as you can in the other direction.
"People that are so confidently incorrect..."
"People that are so confidently incorrect and refuse to hear anything that challenges their world view."
noinfo
People who refuse to be wrong are the worst. And there are so many of them out there.
"People who are incapable..."
"People who are incapable of self-reflection. Nothing is ever their fault, everyone/thing is always against them."
SquilliamFancySon95
Victim complex. There's no point talking to these people because they live in a different reality.
"People who are horrible to their children..."
"People who are horrible to their children and then cry because their children won’t show them respect."
AccomplishedTie426
These people are always so shocked when their children cut them out of their lives, as if their children didn't give them plenty of warning in advance.
"People who make fun of others..."
"People who make fun of others and cry when the same thing happens to them."
VegetableTopic
Ah yes... the good ol' "I can dish it out but I can't take it" routine. So fun.
"People who go out of their way..."
"People who go out of their way to make others feel upset, people who don't care how their actions affect others, murderers, etc."
Kharnyx808
Sadly, you might have met a person like this. Some people clearly don't live by the same rules as the people around them.
"People who say..."
"People who say they are just “brutally honest” when they are really just constantly insulting people."
j4321g4321
Don't get me started on these people. They are in endless supply.
"People who take..."
"People who take no responsibility for their choices."
1feralengineer
Or people who defend them when you call them out on it.
Shall we go on?
Nah. We do need a break from humanity at this point. Can you blame us?
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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