When giving a speech and making an argument, the most effective way to reach other people or get your point across is to speak with conviction.
However, speaking with conviction doesn't always mean people are speaking the truth... or even coherently.
Redditor MonkeyGentleman420 was curious to hear more stories of ludicrous things people said with unwavering conviction, leading them to ask:
"What is the stupidest thing someone has told you with complete conviction?"
We Know How Often Birds Check Clocks...
'That we set the clocks forwards and backwards so the birds don’t get confused with their migration patterns."- alliecita410
Speaking From Experience?
"'Two people can breathe underwater forever if they have a hose'."
"The first person breathes in while the second breathes out, then the first person breathes out and the second person breathes in etc'."- PahoojyMan
Dream On...
"She said:'
"'If you are dream about falling and you hit the ground in your sleep you'll actually die'."
"'It's been proven'."
"I said 'If you die in your sleep, how can anyone know what you were dreaming?'"
"Ruined a favorite story of hers."
"Sorry."- FrankieMint
falling GIF
Giphy
Because ALL Cops Ask For Your SSN Before Cuffing You...
"From a coworker: 'If you don't have a social security number then the government can't do anything to you'."
"I asked if that meant, if I didn't have an SSN then I could just go kill someone on the street and the government couldn't arrest me."
"'Yep', he said, 'if you don't have an SSN then they can't enforce any laws on you'."- AllAboutThePotatoes
Keep Them Away From Needles...
"A former coworker insisted that the body believes the ears are injuries, and we are all constantly trying to heal our own ears closed."
"The only thing keeping them open, you ask?"
"Ear wax."
"We worked in healthcare."- Reflection_Secure
Credit To the Visual Effects Designer
"A girl I worked with was convinced that every single mythological creature was real."
"I’ll never forget one of her claims."
“Think about it, every movie you done seen all those creatures and aliens and sh*t, all that’s real."
"Someone has to have actually seen it to come up with that!”
"Apparently there’s no such thing as the human imagination to her."
"So yes, transformers are real, Godzilla is real, Independence Day is real."
"This was a 20-year-old that said all of this."- Dragonborn83196
Unicorn GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
In Theory... Still Wrong!
"That the speed of light wasn’t like an actual number, it was just a figure of speech."- sunbearimon·
Check The Date...
"Sunburn is not caused by the sun, it is actually caused by sunblock."
"If you don't use sunblock then you will never be burned."
"Sunburn was created by the sun cream industry to sell their products."
"Seems easily testable, why not lie on the beach all day in one position with no sun block and see what happens?"
"Make sure you fall asleep for maximum effect."
"You go bright red and then blister to the point that you get taken to hospital for a combination of sunstroke and the beginning of shock then spend the rest of the holiday indoors face down with regular application of creams and replacement paraffin patches on the burns."
"It puts a bit of a dampener on your 2 week break."
"Sunburn is mentioned in Livy's history of the second Punic war and others over 2000 years ago which is solid proof that the 'Big Sunscreen' claim is ridiculous."
"However it would be hand-waved away by a True Believer of big Sunscreen."- Magnus_40
Sonne Sunburn GIF by Mitteldeutscher Rundfunk
Giphy
Ignorance Is Not Always Bliss...
"A distant relative, recently retired, once told me that he was going to hire a gardener and a housekeeper because 'the government will give you a grant to pay for them now'."
"This was a few minutes after a lengthy rant about how the welfare state should be scrapped because only lazy people lose their jobs and need to claim benefits."
"The same relative, some years ago, also announced with absolute conviction that he was going to hire a neighbor as a cleaner because 'she won't have anything to do now her kids are grown up'."- Plantagenesta
The Price Of Never Looking Up!
"Pineapples aren't real."
"They're entirely manmade and do not exist in nature."- tricksterloki
ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR!!!
"My dad was experiencing end stage renal failure (was on dialysis at the time and has since had a transplant)."
"My best friend's boyfriend at the time looked at me dead in the eye and said he could reverse his condition with a vegan diet and that the only important organ in the body was the skin, so as long as you take good care of your skin, your other organs will function properly."
"Mind you, by the time my dad got on dialysis his kidneys were functioning at 11% and his SKIN WAS JUST FINE."- lyingintheleaves
But What Causes Cavities?
"I'm a dental hygienist."
"We had a patient come in with terrible teeth."
"They thought toothpaste caused cancer."- dilapidatedfungus
If Only...
"That women don't burp or fart, because only men have (the ability to pass) gas."
"Spoiler alert: he was horrified when I burped in front of him."- sequoia_summers
Guilt Is Easier When You Know It's Coming.
"First girlfriend was religious, and apparently it was okay that we had sex 'as long as she feels bad about it after'."
"Pre-planning regret was her loophole to do what she wanted."- Lone_Buck
season 2 famalam GIF by BBC Three
Giphy
When people do speak with conviction, more often than not they firmly believed what they say.
So much so, that they have trouble believing the person brave enough to correct them.
In spite of the concrete evidence thrown in front of them...
"What’s the dumbest thing someone accused you of without any evidence?"
You Expect Me To Use This?!?!
"My mother-in-law accused me of buying a sh*tty brand of hair spray, leaving it in our guest bathroom for her to use, and trying to trick her into thinking it was hers."
"She actually brought it to our house the previous time she visited and left it behind. It was totally hers."- thecooley
He Must Have Run Quite The Distance...
"Throwing stones at her goats."
"I would not throw stones at goats, but she went to my mother’s house and accused me."
"She said she had just chased me off after I did it."
"My mother told her that, if that is what she saw, then she would punish me the moment that I got home, if she would like to wait."
"My mother supplied her with tea and biscuits and, later, a light snack."
"Offered her a stronger drink, too."
"After a long time, the goat lady asked if my mother had any idea what time I would be home."
“'Well, he has only been gone a week, so another two weeks, I imagine'.”
"My mother replied, as I went to a boarding school and stayed away for three weeks at a time."- Pedantichrist
Goat Bleating GIFGiphyMaybe She Planted A Bug?
"A college roommate reported me to the campus police for selling drugs."
"She stated that she was in our dorm room and overheard me selling drugs to another student in the laundry room."
"Our dorm room was on the 12th floor, laundry room was in the basement of the building."
"She got pissed when campus police laughed at her statement."- MissConduct0120
How Dare You Not Break The Law To Help Me!
"I once had a co-worker write to my manager to complain I was racist because I wouldn’t pirate a copy of Norton Utilities and give it to her."- Yorkie_Mom_2
Wrong Ex, maybe?
"One time I started getting a bunch of texts from an ex accusing me of being on a trip with some other girl and throwing all kinds of insults my way."
"Not only was she my ex and I was not talking to her or planning to reconcile, so that if I was in fact on a trip with some other girl it was none of her business, but I was actually literally sitting on my couch with my dog watching TV."
"I told her I hadn't the slightest idea of what she was yelling about and sent her a picture of me and my dog in my living room."
"She replied, "F*ck," and I didn't hear from her for weeks until the crazy ultimately outweighed any embarrassment she felt."
"To this day I have no idea why she thought I was on a trip in the first place, especially since her texts were pretty specific and she mentioned where she claimed I was and other details."- Tough_Stretch
Work From Home Dog GIFGiphyCould Have Been Worse?
"I was accused of throwing a potato at a shed, totally not true."- bobbejaan79
They Were At Least Half Right...
"Insubordination for failing to report in to work for over a month."
"I resigned a month earlier."- Fifth_Wall0666·
Wrong Place At The Wrong Time
"I was in either first grade or kindergarten, and the chain link fence on the side of our playground had fallen over / caved in."
"Me and my friends looked at it and wondered how it happened."
"Then a teacher came by and yelled at us for breaking the fence and we all got put in time-out for the rest of recess."
"WE WERE 6, HOW WOULD WE MANGLE A CHAIN LINK FENCE WITH OUR HANDS?!"- Rabid_Chocobo
buster keaton fence GIF by MauditGiphySome Might Consider This A Compliment...
"In High School, half the school thought I was Gay, and the other half thought I was a vegetarian."
"I'm neither, and I have no idea how the two related."- Group_of_no_one
When All You Were Doing Was Trying To Help...
"One day when I was in 5th grade a female collie followed me home from school."
"I walked around the neighborhood trying to find the owner, but nobody knew whose dog she was."
"I left my neighborhood and crossed a four lane."
"I carried her so she wouldn't get hit by a car (I didn't own a dog leash)."
"After knocking doors and asking around, I had to go home but she just kept following me."
"I picked her back up and carried her back across the four lane, put her down and we walked another block."
"Then the owner pulled up, stopped in the middle of the intersection, got out of his car, and called her."
"She ran to him, and hopped up in the car."
"I told him I'd been trying to find her owners for hours."
"The old bastard said, 'Yeah, someone saw you carrying her'," implying that I stole her."
"Then he plopped his fat a** back in his Cadillac and sped away."
"No good deed..."- TheC0zmo
border collie dog GIF by Rover.comGiphyPunished For Being Poor
"Being a thief because I was a student."
"Money was going missing from the tills in the bar I worked at on some evening and weekends."
"Walked into work and got called out back with the manager."
"Was told money was missing and was suspended there and then."
"I asked when this money went missing and it wasn’t even when I was working!"
"I asked why I was the prime suspect and the managers wife pointed the finger at me because I was a student and therefore must have needed the money."
"About a week later the actual thief was caught red handed putting money from the till into his pocket by the manager."
"This was back the mid 90s so no cameras to view, which would have cleared it up straight away."
"Instead, they cast blame with evidence that actually proved it couldn’t have been me because the times the money went missing, I wasn’t even there, but hey ho."- idiBanashapan
Clearly, these hasty accusers must never have heard the saying "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".
Sadly, it's sometimes easier for people to just place blame as fast as they can.
Even if evidence and logic are not on their side.
"Have you ever pretended to be stupid or not as smart as you are? Why?"
Coming Off As Over Qualified
"It was quite common practice in my home country to hide the fact you have a masters degree to get certain jobs."
"Because either you were 'overqualified' and they couldn't afford you or they instantly knew you will only be temporary asset until you find something matching your education."- Reddit
season 1 sonograms and tube tops GIF by momGiphyConflict Resolution And Ego Massaging
"Has helped me out of sticky spots."
"And people seem to like it when they feel superior to me."- NecessaryImmediate93
Language Barriers
"I live in Germany and I speak C2-level fluent German, until one of those people on the street try to start handing me a bible or some charity pamphlet then i'm all like 'I no deutsch verstehe' lmao."- Zack1018
"I pretended to be less fluent in a language than I am before, if that counts."
"Anyone who’s lived in Japan is familiar with the NHK man, who comes to your door and pesters you to pay the NHK fee."
"NHK is the national public TV station, and everyone who owns a device capable of receiving it is supposed to pay a monthly fee to fund it, but there’s no penalty for not paying, and quite a lot of people just don’t."
"The representatives can be veeeeery pushy though."
"Well, I didn’t even own a TV, but when I first started living here I somehow got pressured into signing up to pay the fee."
"Though after that I just ignored the bills until eventually they sent an angry one saying you’d better pay or legal action blah blah."
"So I called them and used my best foreigner voice to explain I didn’t understand what I signed up for and the lady was very nice and said, 'Of course, you couldn’t have known, I’ll cancel that for you'.”
"Problem solved!"- lygerzero0zero
confused one more time GIF by Paramount NetworkGiphyOh, To Be The Ringmaster...
"When you realize your family is a Circus, you tend to be the clown."- B-Town-MusicMan
Know Your Audience...
"In all aspects of life I've found reading (and playing to) the room is the best way to get by."- gosog28052·
As Long As You Don't Mind Never Being Promoted...
"It comes with benefits at work."
"Meaning less work."- doofusdoomed
Bored Season 3 GIF by The OfficeGiphySaves A Lot Of Trouble
"All the time because I don’t feel like arguing."- goodfaceman
"Yes, because I don’t always feel like arguing. Many people are closed minded."
"They won’t even entertain a new to them idea."- Errol-Flynns-Ghost
"Yes, because i think its a waste of time to argue with people who are very narrow-minded."- Separate-Trash2375
Christian Bale Nodding GIFGiphyThe Element of Surprise
"Yes."
"People like to feel more clever than others."
"It can also come in handy to be underrated."- Aluanne
Keeps The Peace
"All the time, it makes people more comfortable."- khamelean
"Often."
"Especially when dealing with police, or other authority figures."
"Also in general life so as not to alienate people."- captain_jeremiah
good witch flirting GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphyWanting People To Like You
"The line is just too thin between being smart and seeming a know-it-all."
"The others will feel belittled."- kapaj55687
It's understandable that people feel inclined to play dumb to avoid conflict, or perhaps make others feel better about themselves.
Though it's important to remember that everyone should be proud of who they are, and no one should play dumb in hopes of making someone else like them.
Such people probably aren't worth having as friends.
Redditor Sir_Baconstrips wanted to see who was willing to discuss actions made while randy, so they asked:
"What's the biggest mistake you've made because you were horny?"
I can't tell you mine, because my mom might read this. But Reddit was more than happy to share.
History Help
Hide Reaction GIF by florGiphy"I browsed porn and then I asked my mom how to delete the history."
Ramon80589
What was that?
"Probably my most embarrassing moment. Was on my work computer (family business so nothing locked) and it was a super slow day and I was alone. Anyways was doing a classic 3 min facebook check and scrolled down for a second and saw the news post about Adriana Chechik injuring her back in a foam pool. Figured top comments on that would be golden. Read one funny one that said 'her and her scene with [performer I can’t remember] is still goat.'"
"Never heard of said performer so I got curious and google her. Of course photos never do justice, had to see the performance ya know? So I clicked a random video, quick glance and thought 'meh' and was about to close the tab before I noticed my mouse twitch on the screen… What was that? No.. that wasn’t mouse error, that was someone… then within seconds I realized the accountant who taps in remotely to finish work came in at that exact moment that I had a browser open for less than 60 sec."
"The worst wart was I could have sworn I had all those remote services off, but she tried to tap in for over an hour and must of did something to wake splashtop (probably had it on some type of standby mode). She even called earlier but I saw a random number and was speaking with a client and ignored it."
"Anyways, decision time, do I call her and play it off as nothing or apologize? Naturally as a fearful 28 year old I play off as nothing. I call, no answer… then a few minutes later i get the call back and her words after exchanging 'hellos … are you finished with whatever you were doing…' still burns me."
Satmatzi
Years Later
"Let my (ex) boyfriend dry-hump me for an hour on a bench outside after summer school."
"The bad news: this bench behind our school was also beside a swimming pool. Where parents were taking their children for swim lessons. Eventually a staff member came out and yelled at us for being inappropriate."
"I still have shame flashbacks today, over 10 years later."
hannlouiseols
Size Issues
"I had a one night stand with a guy who was, in retrospect, seriously self-conscious about his penis size and kept going on about how if it was on the small size it was just because he has to have sex with it a few times and it would gradually get bigger until it was it’s 'true' size. I really didn’t care."
"But then to make himself feel better he turned it around and started talking about how big and wide my vagina was but kept reassuring me that it was ok because he liked the challenge. I wish I had snapped my legs shut and given him the boot right then and there."
bewarethes0ckm0nster
In San Diego
No Money Bangladeshi GIF by GifGariGiphy"Lost my entire tax refund and got my phone stolen at a strip club in San Diego."
BigFatPapaBear
Always check your pockets on the way out.
The Reward
Happy We Did It GIF by StoryfulGiphy"Hooked up with a girl at a party. Just kind of bored, drunk, and horny. Having to go to the doctor for a case of pubic lice was my reward for poor self-control."
No_External7289
Dedicated...
"I got my first serious gf in high school. She was two grades below me. So when I finished third year and moved 500 km south we was still a couple. I was so in love (and most of all horny) I commuted every. Single. Weekend. And I was poor. So I took the bus to the nearest station after school. Waited for the long distance bus for 4-5 hours."
"Went to a larger city to hitchhike my way there. I was there Friday night or Saturday morning. Locked ourselves in her bedroom and went at it until Sunday morning. I made my way down to school again and went to class straight from the bus Monday morning. This went on for almost a year…"
pelo_ensortijado
I'm Out
Chris Pratt Running GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy"Was trying to get with a girl in college. We were texting and I asked her what she was up to, she said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym and asked if I wanted to come."
"I ended up running 9 miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to have sex it's up to 9 miles."
euesquecimeunome
Lord the things people will do when slightly turned on.
One Redditor wanted to hear about all the things people have done for the ones that didn't love them them back, so they asked:
"What's the stupidest thing you ever did for a guy/girl?"
I can't tell you my secrets.
I am the epitome of foolish.
Us First
Breathe Mtv GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"Put them before my mental health, we’re all responsible for taking care of ourselves."
MasterAeliyan
Young & Stupid
"When I was younger I was awarded a settlement from a motorcycle crash; at the time, I was with my ex. I bought and repaired a car for her bday and paid off half her student loans. She was not a nice person, and I ended the relationship. Damn being young and naive."
OdinsReach
Stay Home
"Fly to another state to meet up with someone from online. We met on discord and video'ed a lot for 7 months before deciding to meet irl. We texted and talked all the way to boarding. When I landed, I texted her no response. I called, straight to voice mail."
"Went on discord, she deleted her account. Instead of flying back, I spent the weekend exploring a new city. Wasn't going to pass up going to the Smithsonian Museum and seeing the landmarks. To this day, I have no clue as to why she ghosted me."
AnotherAnimeNerd
The 100
"Baked cookies and created this '100 things I love about you' jar with small bits of paper to open everyday for a new reason so my ex could see the amazing traits he had and what I admired. This was supposed to be a V-day gift, but he cancelled plans to see friends instead lol."
beam_of_taco
"Valentines Day, notorious for being a day to skip the partner and hang with the bros."
Enk1ndle
Nevada
jimmy fallon wow GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy"Gave up a position with the Secret Service for a woman I thought I was going to marry. A year later she was living in Nevada with her soon-to-be husband."
boxedcrackers
Maybe you can go back? We need security.
Duh
Behind The Scenes GIF by BET AwardsGiphy"My 17-year-old brother told me he bought a girl a $350 bracelet for Christmas AFTER she already told him she 'didn't like him like that.' We all let him know how dumb that was."
blue-tomorrow
Cash Options
"My high school sweetheart and I ended up going to different colleges. I went to a pretty cheap state school, she went to a very expensive private university in a big city. Sent her a check for something like $10K since my tuition was basically zero and she needed it way more. Same day the check cleared she texted me to say that she'd been seeing someone else and it was over between us."
chrismamo1
Bad for Business
"I built a catering business from the ground up because my friend said she wanted to stop stripping since she would cry about the bad treatment all the time. After the business was fully operational and I even got the first couple gigs, all she had to do was pass out business cards and talk to potential clients at an expensive charity dinner and she bailed so she could hang out at home. I already had a well paying job so didn't really need a side business. I bet she is still stripping now coming up on 40."
whyunoletmepost
Clap. BACK!
"Walked 9 miles in tornado weather with freezing cold rain just to see her. Thought she was worth it. We were together for 4 years and then I found out she had been cheating on me with her blood brother for the past 2 years. I found out because I got the clap from her and she let slip that her brother also had the clap."
CaptianOfCows
No Excuses
Phaedra Parks Bye Felicia GIFGiphy"Forgave him for cheating. Caught him cheating again a few months later."
evm2103
"Same. I stayed with him, he continued to cheat. I finally cut him loose when the other girl became pregnant."
godrainlovemusic
"That's why I have a 0 tolerance for cheating. 1 time is enough to end the relationship or even a marriage. No excuses. No forgiveness. No ok let's try it for the kids."
dat_oracle
Oh my word. Humans make some questionable choices when our brains are flooded with love hormones.
Do you have any crazy love confessions for us? Let us know in the comments below.