Curious to hear from educators and their disciplinary tactics, Redditor RodotC asked:
"Teachers of Reddit, what's the worst thing you have confiscated from a student?"
These teachers had to deal with confiscating weapons.
Sharp Object
"A huge butcher knife. That he was actively trying to stab me with. He was 6."
– Interesting_Sock9142
Taser Tag
"An entire police-grade taser."
– Financial-Cattle-356
"My buddy Eric once brought in half of a police grade taser"
– MalachyXavier
Clever Crisis Prevention
"A large brick that an angry male student picked up and walked into the toilet block with. A teacher’s aide alerted me to the incident unfolding. The boy had a verbal altercation with another boy and followed him into the toilets with a brick he had found."
"I walked into the toilet block and said, 'Excuse me, that’s my brick.' The boy turned around and asked how it was mine. I said my name was written on it and I’d like it back. He asked where it was written, so I held out my hand to show him. He handed the brick over and I said, 'My mistake, it looked a lot like this one.' I removed the brick from the toilet block situation very quickly."
"I held on to the brick and alerted the deputy principal. I still can’t believe that sh*t worked."
– Barkblood
Huge Assortment
"I used to be a monitor for kids from rough neighborhoods, we would take them out to the mountains or countryside and have them sleep overnight and do activities, like scouts."
"During the day I would take mostly cigarettes, but during the pre bedtime inspection we always confiscated shanks, metal poles and upgraded 2x4 bats..."
– logges
Harmful Accessory
"Legitimate brass knuckles. He was knocking them against his desk and saying threatening things to my other students. Brass knuckles are illegal in general where I live, not just forbidden in school, so both he and his parents were in some trouble."
– Grammar__B*tch
Criminal origin stories may be found here.
Young Klepto
"Most of the time it was just lighters."
"The worst thing I found was less about the item itself and more about the context. I heard news that my student with Down's syndrome was mugged that morning in the bathroom before school and would be spending the day in the principles office. Coincidentally this was the same day that another one of my students, one who has tons of behavioral issues and was borderline sociopathic (this kid legitimately liked seeing others upset/in pain), returned from being sick."
"When I was told that the mugged student was still missing his wallet. I started to think back to how shifty the other kid was being that morning, but part of me almost refused to check the other kid's desk as I just didn't want to believe one of my 3rd grade students could truly be that heartless. Eventually I did check, and I was getting happier and happier as I dug through the desk not finding anything, only to reach the back and pull out the f'king blue Sonic the Hedgehog wallet. I think it was the only time I'd ever been angry as a teacher, and I was just fuming. Not even at the student, more just pissed that that's the way things had to be."
– zachtheperson
Bad Business
"Not a teacher, but when in high school, they had to shut down an entire bathroom because a girl had a business of piercings and tattoos in the bathroom. Chick literally had the whole Claire's piercing gun and a whole tattoo gun... and of course the drugs.... let's just say she was expelled."
– mixedcerealwithoj
Oh, The Irony
"A tightly taped and wrapped 'brick' that had 'not drugs' written in sharpie. He was throwing it around the classroom like a football. When I confiscated it and saw what was written on it I called the resource officer. It was drugs."
– IssaJuhn
These are not toys.
Repeat, these items are not toys...for kids.
Poke And Prod
"A raccoon penis toothpick a male student kept poking a female student with."
"He had backups."
– Chaps_and_salsa
"People actually make toothpicks from raccoon penises?? Just because you can doesn't mean you should ffs."
– Epik_Guy
I'm not a teacher but as a middle school student, I had something taken from me and I still don't have a clue as to why.
It was clearly not required reading but I had a paperback copy of Stephen King's The Tommyknockers on my desk.
My teacher was so appalled after seeing it, she swiped it and told me that I could retrieve it after class.
Perhaps it was unsuitable reading material for a 14-year-old? Who knows?
But I remember feeling guilty for no reason and ashamed that I was reading a book written by The Shining horror author.
Redditor Lost-Warning-2588 wanted to hear about everyone's craziest school stories.
So they asked:
"What’s the worst scandal to happen at your school?"
My school was pretty tame. At least in the public news.
I have no idea what was behind closed doors.
Throwdown...
Slap Empire GIF by FOX Nederland & BelgiëGiphy"Girl A decided to fight girl B in class. Girl A ripped girl B’s real hair out, broke her nose, and crippled her. Girl B was sent to the emergency room. Girl A was suspended for 2 weeks. They were both in 7th grade."
Apollo_xo3
After Graduation
"The math teacher left his wife of 18 years for one of the graduating seniors."
blunt_dissect
"Had a history teacher do the same thing. Left his wife for a student he had in freshman and sophomore year and they married the year after she graduated."
2faKilledmymain
"Happened with an English teacher in my school. He didn't leave school until a couple years after she graduated, but he left his wife and kids for her, and she dropped out of an Ivy League school for him."
ianisms10
Prevention
"One year in exams days they were trying to add a new method to prevent cheating where a man from the administration comes to every class before every exam and collects students phones while sticking a sticker with a number on each phone and giving the same sticker to the student."
"So he can get his phone after school without anyone taking someone else's phone that looks alike or something. This was working at first and a bit 'preventing cheating' until one day some guy sneaked into our high school and came as the man who collects the phones while he wasn't, he stole the whole high school phones and went. lol."
Crazy
"A student that was in the grade above me (I was a senior, he had graduated) killed his girlfriend and buried her by the train tracks right behind the school. Yeah it was crazy. He seemed like a cool guy I guess, I’d run into him at a few parties and had a couple classes with him. The girl went to school in a neighboring town so I didn’t know her."
macadamianacademy
Hold Me
Best Friends Love GIF by TV LandGiphy"My middle school banned hugging and hand holding during course changes because it blocked the hall. In protest all the Eighth Graders stood up and hugged each other during their lunch period. A bunch of students got detention. Made the cover of the Charlotte Observer."
bcarol99
Hugs make the world better. Hug it out.
Good Lord
Keith Morrison Wow GIF by Dateline NBCGiphy"The caretaker killed two local girls and hid them in the school, he tried using the clay kiln to burn them. He later dumped them a few miles away."
jofive
The Super
"We had a computer teacher/football assistant coach who was just blasted all day, had so many DUIs he had to get rides to work, but was the cousin of the Superintendent so he kept his job. Let’s just say that when he crashed a student’s car in the parking lot because he convinced them to let him borrow it that that was the beginning of the end of it."
"It was a small town. The scandal is that the Super tried to cover it up by trying to convince the kid to take the heat for it. To no one’s surprise, the kid was not convinced. They let him stay on as Super for another two years."
TheMCM80
Crazy, man...
"A kid in my senior year short story class (who sat directly behind me) was charged with the stabbing, beheading and burning of one of his friends/drug dealer."
"I remember the day like it was yesterday, sitting in my short story class when my teacher came in, in tears because she just heard the news."
"Students didn't find out about it until later. I actually have a friend who testified in his trial because he purchased the murdering materials at the hardware store she worked at."
"Crazy, man."
Supersmaaashley
Targets
"One weekend a couple of kids from the hockey team had a sleep over."
"One of the older boys from high school targeted them. He tied them up, slit their throats and set the house on fire."
"One of the boys survived and is an incredible person. He’s the chief of a fire department and has done motivational speaking."
"The murderer is now out on full parole."
Ed_Dantes35
BOOM!
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"Kid made a chlorine bomb and threw it in the trash can at lunch. Lockdown, bomb squad, every single kid and faculty member out on the field in 95° weather for 2+ hours until parents could show up to pick up their kids."
Specifilly
Socks
"Kid in my class sent an email to the White House, threatening to kill Socks, the Clinton's cat. Secret Service showed up a few days later after they tracked down the computer."
Goombaw·
Swim Class
"First week of high school. PE class, the first section was swim. wasn’t my class, but the class after. This kid was playing a game with his friends in the water—who could hold their breath the longest. He was going up for air and hit head on the pointy part of the gutter, and never made it to the surface. Friends didn’t notice, teacher didn’t notice. Eventually, football players coming back to the locker rooms noticed. He ended up dying. Teacher was fired although I wouldn’t fully blame him as he was attending and teaching kids who didn’t know how to swim or weren’t strong swimmers. One adult for over 60 kids?? That’s the school's fault."
millennial_dad
Pardon Our French (Teacher)
"History teacher disappeared in the night with the French teacher's wife."
-0---------------0
Oral Tradition
"My high school Guidance counselor screwed a science teacher's wife and everyone knew about it. They got a divorce. Both teachers still work at the same school to this day, and students will never ever let it go. The story has been handed down from year to year."
tiyeyo
Kids are crazy. I'm glad I chose to only have pets.
Redditor blobbytheblobfish2 wanted to talk about all the reasons behind students turning work in off schedule.
So they asked:
"Teachers of reddit, what's the funniest excuse for being late, not doing homework, etc... you've ever heard from a student?
My go to was always killing off family members.
My life was a massacre for awhile in high school.
Mr. G
Baby Boomers Ok GIF by OriginalsGiphy“'Not gonna lie Mr. G, I got in an argument with ****** in the hall. He wants to fight me at lunch. I don’t wanna wuss out but I’d lose that, can you come stop him before he starts s**t?'”
“'Uhhhh…. Sure!?'”
"9th graders are wild."
NerdyRedneck45
In a What?!
"I was late once cuz someone threw my bike in a tree. There was no room in the rack so I just threaded the lock through the frame and both wheels. Someone must have tried to steal it and then got frustrated when it wouldn't ride and threw it up into a f**king tree. It took me a while to get it down and untangle the bike lock but luckily I had a photo of it in the tree to show my professor."
wildling-woman
Broken
"Not a teacher, but I remember in 7th grade a kid walked in a few minutes late and the teacher asked why. Kid said he was looking for a screwdriver because his belt broke. Teacher said he wasn't buying it and told the kid to sit down. Kid said fine, took 2 steps, then his pants fell to his ankles in front of everyone. It was freaking hilarious and perfectly timed comedically."
Dustyoldfart
Oink
"My mother was a high school teacher over a decade ago, and once had a student come in half way through the first class and say he was late because he was 'escaping from the pigs.' She didn’t really think much of it, and ignored him. However he was arrested before school ended. It’s one of her favorite stories to tell. 'Sometimes it’s scarier when they don’t lie to you.'"
JustAFieryLizard
What about your Safari?
Work Marketing GIF by lamarcamcGiphy"I had the same kid, tell me twice, that his dog ate his chromebook. He said he used his chromebook as a plate to eat a steak and the dog ate it."
happylilstego
Know the details of your lies kids.
Burgers next time
Season 7 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My first year teaching, it was 4th grade, and one student informed me that she hadn’t done her reading the night before 'because we had pizza for dinner.' It’s been 20 years and I’m still confused."
onjohns
unsanitary...
"The kid’s homework sheet was ripped in half. He said his sheep ate it. I asked why he had his homework outside with the sheep, and he said he didn’t. The sheep was in his kitchen. I asked why and he said they usually let it in the house. He said this in a tone that was like, 'duh.'"
"So later, I asked another kid, who lived next door to this kid, if his neighbor really had sheep in his kitchen. He’s like, 'yeah. That’s why my mom doesn’t let me eat dinner over there anymore. She thinks it’s unsanitary.'"
TemperatureDizzy3257
Miss. Potnineo
"My friend and I used to walk to school together and one day we arrived a bit late and my friend was able to truthfully say 'Sorry we're late Miss. Potnineo got hit by a car.' We had been crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing with traffic lights and the light changed right after I stepped off the curb, and I guess the driver was so focused on the green light that he didn't even notice I was still passing in front of his car."
"He started to pull forward, hit me (very slowly obvs), I wasn't hurt but was very startled so I screamed and slammed my hands on his car bonnet to steady myself and not fall under the car. The driver proceeded to yell at me for hitting his car and then drive off. We were already running late anyway and the car incident was over within a few seconds, but it made a great excuse."
potnineo
Mooooove Along
"Cows got out last night and I had to chase them home all night. I knew the kid and the family so it wasn't a lie. Good kid who was obviously tired. I told him not to worry about missed homework."
Robby777777
"I used to be the manager of a fast food place in a rural town. There was once a cow in the drive through. It did not respond to me yelling at it. I didn’t get paid enough for that sh*t."
usernamesareatupid28
You're Excused
Two Thumbs Up GIF by TV LandGiphy"'Please excuse Janet from class today. She is in the hospital having her baby' (brought to me by a sibling)."
"Also..."
"'Please excuse Robbie for yesterday. He was home with the Shitt*ns.'"
pennyxroyalty
Poor Fish
"Once one of my classmates was late because their pufferfish had escaped."
Jakzter
"Escaped where? It’s a fish!"
morbidpigeon
Cat Problems
"Our cat set my son's 3rd-grade homework on fire by knocking over a lamp. I had worked on it with him earlier, it was finished, he was in bed, and the cat wanted to join him. Knocked over the lamp where the bulb was laying on the papers."
"The smoke alarms went off, my son ran screaming from the room, my wife grabbed the baby and ran outside with the son."
"The fire was JUST getting started, and I was like, may as well try... so I spit in my hands and patted out all the burning paper."
"I packaged up the burnt paper with a full note to the teachers."
Columbus43219
Overtired
"It isn't funny but it is the one I remember clearest. He said he was too tired."
"Kiddo was at school till 2, then would go to german lesseons from 3 to 4:30. Then had English with me from 5 to 6:30. Then he would have to go to French from 7 to 8:30. He was 8."
"He was too tired in my class to even sit up. I got to know a lot of bad parenting styles as a teacher."
Bakecrazy
Tree
"We had a student that got chased by a pack of wild dogs as he was getting out of his car and making his way to the building. He ended up hiding in a tree for like 2 hours and missing multiple classes. The teachers did not believe him until the school administration looked at the security footage and saw that he did indeed get chased by a pack of wild dogs. I should also add that it was in a suburban area"
It even happens to teachers.
"It wasn’t a student, it was me, the teacher. I was marking a students exam and I had a brand new puppy. The ONE time I leave work on the sofa to get a biscuit, Persie (poochie) chewed the whole thing. That was embarrassing to explain the next day. A few years later my then one year old drew all over an entire class worth of books. My husband was watching her btw 🤦♀️. Again, it was mortifying trying to explain that to a class of laughing children!"
Puzzledandhungry
Kids are funny. Until they're crazy.
Do you have any hilarious excuses that you or your classmates have used? Let us know in the comments below.
