People Divulge Why The Devil Would Want To Shake Their Hand After They Die And Go To Hell
Ending up in Hell would be one thing, but discovering that the Devil is a huge fan of yours would be a whole extra layer of horror.
But that's what a recent Redditor asked people to imagine: what petty, sinful thing would earn you a #1 fan in Satan.
Here's hoping your answer to that question leans more toward petty than immoral.
Redditor Ok-Reaction-5644 asked:
"Satan shakes your hand and says 'I'm glad I finally got to meet you,' what did you do?"
Many people divulged their part in the very incredible annoyances of modern life, particularly life on the internet.
The Horror
"I created mobile ads with transparent close button....." -- voliver016
"Oh god. And let me guess, the company's logo looks like an X. like it's called X Games or something. So you accidentally tap on that when looking for the close button." -- fernshanks
Hooked Us All
"invented micro transactions in video games" -- Day61298
"Satan: So, I'm thinking about retiring and you seem just the person for the job...." -- Logan3point14
"Move over Hitler. Move over slavers. Move over Ajit Pai. We have a new champion of hell." -- Andrakisjl
That Was One Guy??
"i invented popup ads and the thing that makes you disable ad blocker before you can visit a website" -- thetapiryourodeinon
"I feel like Satan would punch you in the face, not shake your hand. All like 'This MFer is out of control' " -- Shinbiku
Others talked about the cartoonishly terrible things they did. In hindsight, they wondered how they ever could have done what they did.
But at the time, it just made sense.
Case Closed
"oh definitely that time i kicked a child," -- Domesticgay_
​Saboteur
"Christmas time. Shopping mall car parks are chaos. I'll be walking through the car park with bags off Shopping and see people in cars looking for people about to leave..."
"...I stop, look at a car, put my bags down pull my keys out, someone in their car sees me and indicates to my direction to claim the park. I pick my bags up and keep walking."
And some took the question as a perfect opportunity to get snarky about he prospect of ending up in Hell.
The Chain Mail Was REAL
"Did not forward that email I received in 2008 saying that If I did not, I would go to hell." -- peidinho31
" 'IF YOU DO NOT SEND THIS TO 20 PEOPLE IN 5 MINUTES LITTLE TIMMY WILL CRAWL OUT OF THE SINK AND EAT YOUR EYEBALLS' " -- Ak_Jumper_942
Some Old-Fashioned Humor
"Persuaded my dead mother-in-law to move out of hell." -- Antigravfraggle
"I've spent years looking for my mother-in-law's killer. But nobody will do it." -- elee0228
"Thanks satan, now she's haunting and possessing people on earth again." -- Gurbwat
Lead With Compliments
" 'Me too! I can't believe you're even MORE attractive than your profile pic!' " -- PM_ME_YOUR_CUTE_PU**
"Please, call me twenty twenty" -- punkhobo
The Better Choice
"Ehh... there's a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell and I sure as hell don't feel like climbing any stairs." -- dusty-kat
"fires up his motorcycle" -- thearmouredcake
"Why clib stairs when you can go down lil nas x's strip pol" -- LilacForgetMeNot
If Hell is real, we hope none of you end up there. But we sure hope you have a hell of a story if you do!
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It goes without saying, there are going to be some disturbing ideas in this article, but it's not all doom and gloom. There are mentions of harm to children and/or animals and while there is nothing graphic and most of the article is humorous, we know those mentions can bother some of our readers and we respect that. If those sorts of things bother you, you may wish to brace before reading ahead.