8 Years Later....
dirty dancing love GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphyAt a mutual friend's birthday party (about 10ish people present).
So a year later, when our mutual friend had her next birthday party and I'd had enough time to think of an opening line, I started to talk to her. Cue four months of emailing back and forth later, and we were a couple. Eight years and counting now!
So yeah, we took our time.
Cheeky...
I'll answer for him. We were in high school. I had just developed epilepsy. He saw me seizing in the hallway and helped me. When I woke up I found a note in my bag saying "you owe me one. How about homecoming?". I've been with that cheeky bastard for 11 years.
She Loves Me
She met me. We were camping with a youth group of roundabout 30 kids and several adults who managed everything. After roughly one week and doing some stuff together, we were sitting in one of the makeshift cooking tents and just talked about something. She asked me if I had ever kissed a girl before. A little bit confused I said no. She than asked me, if she could kiss me. I don't know why I said yes, but I did. And then we kissed. From that point forth we were in a relationship and a happy one indeed.
Swords at CVS
Shopping Checkout GIF by Winnetka Bowling LeagueGiphyA regular walked into the CVS I was cashiering dressed incredibly well as a fairy. After inquiring, that was just singular event and she really taught sword choreography and built performances for a troupe of pirates. She invited me out to play with swords that Saturday.
The Neighbor Girl
About 2 years ago I moved to a new house. There was this beautiful neighbor girl who caught me eyes. Me being an introvert was scared to tell her that I had a crush on her. Then after a few months my best friend told me that they were kinda friends before a few years. So then this friend texted her and told her that i,the neighbor guy had a crush on her. She texted me immediately and the first conversation was incredibly awkward and I thought I just blew my chance. The conversation was painful as I just was the lame @ss awkward guy.
She told me that she was not into relationships and she told me that we could be friends and the talk ended. But later that day she texted me to check if I was ok with the whole awkward talk. This really saved everything as we vibed like crazy and we discovered that we had many mutual interests. We became friends and then became best friends and this friendship basically progressed into us liking each other and then we fell in love without knowing what was happening. Easily the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Let's Laugh....
Funny story.
I got hired to deal poker at a local Native American casino. I started on day shift and she worked graveyard, so she'd be leaving while I was coming in. I assumed she was way out of my league and never even made eye contact as we crossed paths.
My buddy got hired as well and was working grave with her, so they became friends. So, through their friendship, we were on speaking terms, but I still never imagined she'd give the time of day.
So, one night I'm drinking with my buddy and we're being totally awesome playing Guitar Hero at my apartment.
She randomly texts him asking what he's up to, and he said we were playing video games and drinking at my place.
Just randomly, and with liquid courage, I joked to ask her if she wanted to be my groupie, because I was shredding Guitar Hero. She said yes and asked if she could have a poster of me in her room. Turned out she liked nerds!
That broke the ice and here we are nearly 15 years later with a 9 and 7 year old, as happy as we could possibly be. We've never had a fight or even a heated argument. It's been perfect.
The Friends....
I liked her for awhile, and then one of my "friends" at the time (who knew I liked her) started dating her my freshmen year of high school. I kinda got over her slowly thinking I never stood a chance, and eventually became friends with her since they were dating. Yeah then he cheated on her and I was the one who was there for her and I ended up asking her out later. We've been together 7 and a half years later.
The Latina Way
jennifer lopez judging you GIF by NBCGiphyI'm quite lucky that in my culture Latina women aren't raised to be passive and sit on their hands and wait for a guy. Every Latina girl I've been with initiated and told me they liked me.
The Nerdy Guy
My bf is super introverted and nerdy. We met in college because we were in the same science club together. I was dating someone else at the time, but we friended each other on social media since he had keys to our club advisors office (he was a TA as well). We lost touch for about a year (I broke up with my then bf) and then ran into each other at a bar in our college town. He had graduated and started working out of state but just happened to be in town for his brothers bachelor party. I was stuck at the bar because I was designated driver for my roommate and her friends.
We're both super shy and introverted so we ran into each other in the quietest corner of the bar. We recognized each other and started chatting for like 5 minutes until we both got quiet and awkward and we parted ways. But after that we started messaging on fb. We were both a lot more brave and conversational online. We talked for like 6 months (he was working out of state) and got to know each other super well. He visited me for a date and we've been a couple ever since.
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I'm Glowing.
GiphyThe other day actually, I had someone tell me: "you are the most compassionate person I've ever spoken to, it was truly a joy to have this conversation." that one still makes me glow a little. Better-be-Gryffindor
The Challenge.
"You are stronger than you think you are, and I believe in you."
Regarding fighting mental illness. Trauma treatment is challenging. FrogginBullfish_
Punch the trauma in the face LIKE A BOSS. duttajoy
3 words.
3 words. "You are enough" It definitely caught me off guard and made me actually start believing in myself. I'll never forget it. Puny_Ptato
I have a tattoo that says "You are enough. Enough is plenty." Helps me get through the day sometimes. You mean something to someone, and your best is enough. You'll never be perfect, so quit trying to be, and love who you are. You are enough. Enough is plenty. 💗 PM-ME-UR-BUTT-PLZ
Complex Looks.
Someone on reddit once messaged me to tell me that I looked tough and kind at the same time, and that to this day is the best compliment I've ever gotten. semibaldmom
Just checked, i see it. xxScienceLuvva69xx
Cheesegiblets.....
I had been working at a place as a director for about a year. At our annual gala, one of the other directors had imbibed a bit too much. She came swaying over to me and said, "Cheesegiblets, you're so great to work with. You just do your job, no drama, no muss no fuss, you just get it done and you do it well. I love working with you."
And I knew it was her true feelings because she was wasted and it all comes out when you're drunk, right? Made me feel so good. cheesegiblets
All are Welcome!
My ex bf threw a surprise birthday party for me a couple years ago and at the end of the night while we were all drunk and sitting around a fire my best guy friend made everyone go around and say why they appreciated me - apparently him, my ex, and couple of my other friends had a running bet to see who could make me happy-cry. Needless to say, my best guy friend won.
All of the responses had my eyes getting blurry, but I think the one that sticks in my mind came from him - essentially "You know how to make everyone feel welcome and I value your opinion and perspective more than the majority of the people I know."
I'm a highly anxious person, and the idea that not only do I do a good job of making sure others don't feel my anxiety and feel comfortable, but that my words matter so much to someone made me straight up sob. POTUSKNOPE
Daddy.
GiphyWatching me interact with my daughter, my father said "You know something, I think you're a good dad." He worked a lot when I was growing up and wasn't that hands on, involved type of dad. That praise meant a lot. ginzykinz
Oh the Smells....
It wasn't said to me but about me. I was cooking in my girlfriend's apartment making my great grandmother's spaghetti gravy and I needed to take her dog out, when I was walking back to the room one of her neighbors was talking to someone on the phone about the delicious smell coming from the room. I couldn't stop smiling for like 5 mins and it still makes me feel good. sh3nto
I Hear You...
GiphyA doctor once said I had a beautiful eardrum, and then called in a med student to come look at it. Mountains_beyond
So Healthy....
OBGYN while doing a pelvic exam said: " wow, your cervix looks amazing, absolutely nice and healthy".
While I am lucky to have heard nice compliments in my life this was the super weird one that I will never forget. Egesikhora
"it looks like a unicorn horn!"
When my second child was born the doctor complimented the umbilical cord. They called the med student (his first birth, just observing) over to look at it... I think mostly just because he was looking a little pale. But the thing I remember most clearly from the birth of my second child was the nurse, exclaiming like a thirteen year old, "it looks like a unicorn horn!" FormerLadyKing
Bloodied....
I gave blood and the worker was really impressed by how poppin' my veins are.
He said something funny like "this is the biggest vein I've ever seen. I could hit this if I was in a coma" and then he called over his coworker to look at it. lookingup9
Pride!
GiphyI was told by the nurse during the ultrasound exam that my pancreas looks exceptionally well and healthy, "the best looking pancreas I've ever seen." I'm proud of my pancreas :). RozhkiNozhki
Simple Air.....
GiphyI had an EMT tell me my breathing was beautiful, like on their little machine. ibuildonions
papa...
My four year old son:
"You're a good papa, papa"
As someone with a crappy childhood who was (and still is) terrified of making the same mistakes his own father made, that was exactly what I needed to hear. stoic_minotaur
Lift me Up....
After a funeral service, the widow of the deceased stopped by to see me at the organ before proceeding to the cemetery.
She said, "I want to thank you for your uplifting music - it turned my husband's funeral from what could've been a mournful occasion to a true celebration of his life!"
As I once noted, several days later the church received a very substantial check from her as a bequest to the music department. Back2Bach
"you're hard to read"
Giphy"I don't have you figured out, but you seem happy." vault13rev
I get stuff like this often, for some reason people tell me "you're hard to read" or "you're full of surprises" and i take it as a complement too. archie1244
I was in my early 30s.....
I was going through a rough time: I was in my early 30s, recently moved back in with my parents, and the only job I could get was a cart collector at Walmart. I shut everyone out and just put in my headphones, did my job, and basically kept to myself. It's what my dad called a "self imposed exile."
One day during the holiday season I'm cleaning up the carts in the entry way of the store and as I grab one cart, I heard someone call my name like a loud whisper. I stopped and looked around and there was nobody there. I looked back in the cart and there was a mini candy bar with a note stapled to it. I opened the note and it said:
Someone cares about you!
It instantly melted the ice around my heart. I looked around again and there was nobody around. I walked outside around to the side of the store behind the carts where I as away from everyone because I started to cry.
I stuck it in my pocket and when I got home I put it in a book I was reading at the time. 6 years later I still have it in that book and occasionally look at it when I'm struggling with an anxiety attack or self doubt. Whoever you are, if you're reading this or you do things like that, your small gesture made a huge impact on this person. TheFlacidM
Interestingly, that personality trait isn't a fixed one. It's very possible for a person to be boisterous and outspoken when they're young but end up as a more reserved adult. The opposite is also true, though, and that's what we're going to talk about today.
We're focusing on that quiet kid in the back of the class who grew up to be more of an extrovert. Those of us (guilty as charged) who wanted desperately to be outgoing would really love to know...
Former "Quiet Kids" of Reddit, how did life for you change after Highschool?
So let's get straight to some answers, shall we?
Trust
I'm still quiet, but now people realize that I'm a great listener and everyone tells me things they usually don't tell anyone.
I'm trustworthy for no reason lol
Practice
GiphyI ended up working in a grocery store that prided itself on customer interactions so I ended up being forced to converse with strangers. Ends up conversation is a skill and like all skills you can improve with practice.
- R600a
Ego
People assumed I was quiet in HS because I was smart, which really fed my ego. Now people assume I'm quiet because something's wrong with me, which is really sapping from my ego.
Overshadowed
I moved out and was no longer out shone by my parents and family. I dared to open up more and kinda found myself
Both my parents are successful musicians and often play big concerts with big orchestra. My brothers were also quite good musicians and my youngest bro is actually studying at the conservatory at the age of 12. The other one played the drum and violin and the tuba for a few years in elementary school. And then you had me. I suck at music, I can't sing, play an instrument bc I'm tonedeaf (I don't hear the difference between different notes, neither do I hear a bass) or read music sheets. I showed interest in the piano and guitar but after realizing it would lead no where bc I'd always need support from other to, for example, tune my guitar, I gave up. I was more talented in other ways, I like to draw and write and create poems. I love to come up with characters and made detailed stories for them. My parents were... disappointed, to say the least. Especially my mom who (I think) had a dream of creating a mini version of her own. My dad in the other found it sad but he was happy I had at least tried and he still supported my other talents. At school I was an average kid, B - grades, not many friends, a wall flower.
This was due my insecurities from home among other things. So it was no wonder that my parents and brothers out shone me. I was... Just me and they were successful and talented and it was always "OH how is your brother doing" and "OH did you go to your mom's concert, she played amazing, didn't she?!" or "How is (brother A) doing, is he still playing the (instrument)?". It was barely "Hey how are you OP?" and "How is school going?". When I moved out, I had a couple rough fights with my parents bc of this as they still expected them to support them and help them and babysit my siblings who are bc much younger than me. I didn't mind doing it if it wasn't for snide remarks I sometimes got like "you barely visit us!" (I was last week at your place wtf are you saying mom?) or "We help you out so much and you never do something in return!" (wow geezz thanks dad) and don't forget the famous "You are always too busy to call of come by, we are your parents!" (Yeah, I know, congrats for figuring that one out, Sherlock Homes but I have my own life and things I need to go to. I can't call you for every fart). It's been now a couple years and I am still in contact with them bc they realized I was my own person and have my own life. Bc I now no longer lived at home and I was pretty young when I moved out people started giving me attention and got curious about my life. I also dared to open up more and more and explore my own talents and learn how to socialize.
Sorry for the long story 😅😅
Quiet Retirement
I have a job that requires me to host meetings, establish report with clients and vendors, and everyone thinks I'm an outgoing extrovert. I am not. It's torture everyday. I cringe everytime the phone rings. I would love to just have a quiet, stay-in-my-cubicle all day kind of job. Or better yet, be able to work from home. Looking forward to a quiet retirement someday.
Not Quiet, Polite
I work in a lab with other former 'quiet kids' and now we're all loud and cracking obscene jokes with each other.
Turns out I'm not quiet, I'm polite and most things that go through my head aren't easy for normal people to like.
A Discovery
Giphy
I discovered alcohol and realized I'm actually a lot of fun and have tons to talk about. Who knew?
- aurochs
Low Self-Esteem
Worked very hard at not being quiet, and realized I had something to offer and that the stakes are usually very, very low if a conversation doesn't go well. I was quiet because I had low self-esteem etc.. so luckily I was able to improve that. One light that got turned on just a few years after high school was someone said they thought I was a snob - so probably a bunch thought I had been a snob. Though it was the opposite (I felt I was not worth taking up someone else's time) it would have looked exactly the same on the outside. So the fact that I was walking around making people feel bad didn't sit right with me and I tried my best to make people at least comfortable.
Here's What Helped
What helped: my best friend was very outgoing and had a lot of friends, and I would sometimes observe her to try to better understand how she interacted so easily and comfortably in many different situations, and would sometimes ask her questions about about it. Also, I discovered a book by a psychologist named Philip Zimbardo who did extensive research on shyness. The book had advice and behavioral exercises to help build more social confidence. I read the book when I was 14 and began trying to do one thing every day from the list of suggestions/activities, and it did help. Some of the activities were low-risk, and others forced me to step out of my comfort zone, which was a good thing. I checked that book out from the library several times over the next couple of years. I just looked up the title. "Shyness: What It Is, What to Do About It."
Another thing that helped a great deal was experimenting with behaving as if I was not a shy person in situations where I did not know many people. I was active in my church youth group, and 2 or 3 times a year, there were youth conferences where kids from a bunch of different churches were all together at one of the larger churches, or at a college campus for a weekend. I saw this as a good opportunity to experiment with "outgoing" behavior, because if I somehow accidentally embarrassed myself, it would not be around kids that I saw all the time. I made friends with girls, talked to boys (a couple of whom flirted with me, and another that called me at home later). I found the experience liberating, and I enjoyed it so much that I started to be more outgoing at school. Getting a part-time job when I was 16 at a restaurant where most of the employees were teens, some from my school and some from other schools, was an experience that forced me to become more comfortable making friends.
In college, I got a job as an RA in the dorms my junior year, and was surprised at how good I was at the peer counseling part of the job. I had not expected to enjoy helping students who had personal problems, academic trouble, roommate conflicts, and so on, but found I was good at it, in large part because as a quiet person, I knew how to be a good listener. Eventually, I became an art therapist - that is a mental health counselor who uses art in therapy sessions to help clients express their emotions. I still tend to be quiet in large group situations, and very much prefer one-to-one or small-group social situations, and I need some time alone every day, but I feel happy with my life. The first time I saw the term "gregarious introvert," I thought "That is exactly what I am, and my husband, too!" We both enjoy meeting new people, but need some alone time every day. Our two young children seem to have the same disposition.
Authorities And Peers Were The Problem
First, a customer-facing job. Others have covered this well. Practice.
The other thing is that as an adult, being quiet is considered more of a 'personality type' and not so much a 'dysfunction that requires constant attempts at intervention'. And that goes a long way! Gained a huge amount of confidence in a hurry when I was all of a sudden no longer surrounded by both authorities and peers who assumed something must be wrong with me.