sex

It becomes a problem when it is a problem.

Perspective In Percentages

"If our sexlife is working well it’s 10% of the relationship. If it is not working it’s 90% of the relationships."

– Ingenja

"Good answer and very true in my experiences. When the sex is great and consistent, it's a non issue and something I don't even think of. It gets very apparent that something is wrong when it dies down considerably."

– NoEggplant6322

Contrasting Experiences

"I hadn't thought about it this way until now and it's incredibly true."

"I was in a relationship for 4 years where sex was a constant issue. I constantly craved and needed it. In a way I felt starved of intimacy and closeness with the woman I loved. I was beginning to wonder if she even found me attractive or if she even loved me at all. It really weighed on me in ways that I didn't expect. Sex became an all consuming thing in my life and eventually was part of what drove us apart."

"I'm now in a relationship where we have satisfying sex on a somewhat regular basis. We'll sometimes go several days without doing it but other days we can barely keep our hands off each other. In the end, I never feel unwanted or undesirable. Our sex life is a complete non-issue and I couldn't be happier. I don't obsess over it like I used to. I don't feel like I'm pressuring my partner and feel less disgusted with myself."

– itsthelittlethings69

Is It A "Me" Problem?

"I am literally going through exactly what youve described. It’s affected my mental health that much that I constantly go to the gym,eat as best as possible and even had a go on anabolics. My thoughts were She’ll find me attractive if I get in better shape,get bigger, more muscular."

"But no, nothing ever seemed to change,unfortunately that girl is just not attracted to me the same way as I am to her and it’s painful. What’s wrong with me?!🤷🏼♂️"

"I feel like I’ve got a Ferrari outside that I can’t drive. Yeah it’s nice to look at but the engine is missing."

"There’s only so many times over the years a man can hear the words 'no' before he gets fed up."

– beardedbateman

People like using metaphors.

Liquid Dreamz

"Well put. It's like water that way. If you're getting it regularly, then you can take it for granted. If you're not getting it regularly, then ... we have problems."

– Bizarre_Protuberance

Waiting To Exhale

"Sex is a lot like air. It's no big deal if you're getting it."

– MaximumZer0

"Sex is certainly not like sand."

– Nosferatatron

"I hate sand, it gets everywhere."

– luckylookinglurker

People learned from previous relationships where the lack of sex was an issue.

It's A Must

"Very important, my first relationship turned into a dead bedroom situation and for me that's a 'never again'."

– HotTortillaCheese

Realizing When It's Time To Move On

"Not OP, but I had the same situation. It was a 3 year relationship, and I started noticing it after the first year. It gradually got worse over the next 2 years."

"When I finally had sex again after the relationship, I was blown away. It was probably average sex, but it was just so bad in the prior relationship that it felt incredible."

"Both people need to actually enjoy getting the other person off. Once it becomes a chore, I don't think it can even be repaired. Sadly, you have to move on. But don't feel too bad. It's incredibly common. I was best friends with my ex. Everything seemed perfect. Well, almost everything. That's what made it so hard to have the conversation."

– HypnoticONE

Compatible In Every Other Way

"My partner is also my best friend and everything else is great. Like in every aspect of life we match so well except the bedroom. In the first year it was great but then not so much.. I'm so scared of ending this wonderful relationship solely because of the libido mismatch, but I feel like we've tried so much to save it and it isn't working sadly. Intensive therapy would be the last step."

"I fear I won't find somebody who is so compatible with me in every way ever again. Probably irrational but it's how I feel right now. So scared of letting this go."

"I've kind of lost the ability to look forward to sex? If you know what I mean. The rare time that it is about to happen, I just question it, eh it isn't going to happen or I cannot get into it. I feel like I'm somehow broken, my libido has gone down but I don't feel like it's natural, just a response to my partner's lower libido."

– StrawberryBuzz02

Mismatched Libido

"Sex in my marriage is down to maybe once or twice a month. This may be fine for my wife, but I’m a pretty horny guy. At the same time, at this point I’ve pretty much given up expecting sex. I just assume it’s not going to happen and maybe she’ll let me know when she wants it. The sex itself is pretty good, even if it’s usually nothing special in terms of how we do it."

"I recognize that giving birth to two kids and the stress of everyday life can play havoc on libido, so I don’t blame her (especially since she has chronic back problems). And for a year we also had houseguests that made sex even more difficult. Now they left. There’s just nothing I can do to my own libido, so I just satisfy myself privately when I can. Obviously not the same, but I’d rather get it over with than have my mind be filled with sex all day. It’s also difficult not to remember the early years of our relationship when we f'ked like rabbits. But I don’t want to bring it up and make her feel guilty"

– ChronoLegion2

For some, settling is better than separating.

Still In Love

"I've been married 20 years, the bedroom wasn't quite dead but I've remained HL while my spouse went from HL to LL gradually over a period of a decade or so. More recently, a mix of medical and other issues got in the way and we haven't had sex in nearly a year. Does it suck? Yes. Do we still love each other? Also yes."

"In my late 20s, I would have said I could never live in a committed, sexless relationship. But here I am, and while I'm not happy about that part of the relationship, I'm very happy with the person I picked."

– asmnqo

Based on the examples above, sex is very important and is key to having a fulfilling relationship.

If an individual is not feeling desirable or wanted by their significant other, it can be a motivator for them to seek satisfaction outside the relationship.

Also, the importance of sex in a relationship is just as important as communication. If neither party addresses the elephant in the room, it can breed resentment.