Redditor crabpinchingmyanus wanted to hear about the moments when we all begin to fall short of fidelity.
They asked:
"Redditors, where does cheating in a relationship start for you?"
You always know when it's wrong. At least I always did. That's why is called cheating.
Plotting
"The sneaking around. The second you start plotting to do something behind my back. You're violating the trust of the relationship."
Warkitz
Sheila Canning Love GIF by Neighbours (Official TV Show account)GiphyIntent
"Honestly it's about intentions more than anything. If my SO started pursuing someone romantically that's cheating - doesn't matter if it's lovey dovey texting or f**king. If my SO was at a party and a drunk person kissed him suddenly against his wishes, that's not cheating."
"At the end of the day it comes down to them wanting to be with another person and they aren't being honest about it. The polite thing to do, even though it's painful and hard and sad, is to break up. Breaking up is never crappier than cheating."
NowHeres_HumanMusic
Tests
"If you would be unwilling to tell your partner about an interaction, then it's probably time to start thinking about what you're doing."
Teafairy6767
"Yeah I think the two basic litmus tests are..."
"1- Would you tell them/do it in front of them?"
"2- Would you be okay with it if they did the same thing?"
"If the answer is yes to both, it’s probably fine. If it’s no to either, then at minimum you’re on dangerous ground."
audigex
Off Limits
"It depends on what each couple would consider to be off limits. A good guide is if you're doing something you would hide from your partner or wouldn't do it if they were in the room with you, then that's cheating. It can range from having sex with someone else, to simply flirting."
j_neutrus
Omissions
"Lies. It always starts with lies. Be it texts or snaps, if one of us have to lie or hide, it's wrong and should not happen."
notyourusuallady
A Lie Is A LieGiphyIt's always a lie in the beginning. Don't lie... it's a Commandment.
Upon Reflection
"If you wouldn't want your partner to know, it's cheating. I wouldn't flirt with someone else in front of my partner, so I don't flirt with people when he's not around either."
kellogg888
Pondering Anthony Anderson GIF by BETGiphyactions/feelings/thoughts
"As cheesy as it sounds, it starts with your motive, intention, and conscience. I think there's a clear cut difference between physical cheating and mental/emotional cheating, but it all relates to your honest motive, intention, and conscience. For example, there isn't anything inherently wrong with texting with another person if you are married or dating."
"But if you know in your heart that you are texting or engaging in conversation that makes you feel guilty or it would make your partner upset, you may be doing something wrong, even if you technically did not cheat. If at any point you are justifying your actions or defending your actions/feelings/thoughts from a technical perspective, you may be at the start of doing something wrong."
orange_cuse
That's cheating...
"Cheating starts at lying, even by omission. I am okay with private conversations, meeting people she wants to meet, going away on business trips or going out and coming back late at night. But lying to me about it or about what happened? Or simply not telling me something I don't want to hear? That's cheating."
"So..."
"'I will go out tonight, to see people you don't know and talk about things you don't care about': we are in the clear, it is fine."
"'I saw X and Y last night at their place': if I know for sure that it is not true, then there is some cheating involved."
"It only works if you are not a creep, or even jealous. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too."
pleasedontPM
Happy Birthday
"The intent. For me, an ex of mine that would later cheat on me started a tinder profile in which she claimed she "just wanted to find friends" and she certainly found quite a few of them. Obviously, she didn't just want friends. It could be as small as reaching out to an ex to say happy birthday, but most people have the intent to do something well before it is executed."
isnoe
The Grey
"If there’s a grey area, it’s cheating. If you know they will be upset, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it/lie/omit details. It’s cheating."
SufficientBug5598
Jennifer Aniston Friends GIFGiphyThere is never a good reason to cheat. Once you know it's starting... fess up.
I have never been engaged. I hear it's a hoot. Until it's not...
HIM
Peace Out Goodbye GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"He relapsed on drugs and then told me all of our relationship problems were my mental health."
User Deleted
Naked
"Caught her butt naked with some random dude when we were supposed to meet up at a friend's home for a get together and I caught her in the spare bedroom while everyone else was hanging out and drinking, queue floodgates and find out she cheated on me up to double digit times and all the people at that friends get together knew she cheated on me often. Cut off all my friends and traumatized me for a long time but I’m better now."
PartyYoung8
“wait it out”
"He was my best friend and I really enjoyed our relationship. Honestly I hold no bad feelings for him. But he had a tendency to avoid communication when angry/sad/upset. At first it seemed like a minor problem I could adjust to but the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment(that he could manage for days on end) started to get to me."
"I felt like it was a form of control. He never accepted my apologies, never apologized himself, and would just 'wait it out' until he was ready to talk again. Then he’d just skip the fight and talk normal like it didn’t happen. So basically no issue we ever had was actually addressed and I was afraid to ever cause a confrontation because I knew it would be unresolved."
"It made me feel like I couldn’t fully trust him and the idea of doing that for life stopped be appealing."
milkvamp
Mind. Blown.
"I was engaged for a hot second when I was 19. I came home to find him doing another girl. I immediately moved out and then found out via facebook that the girl was 4 months pregnant with his baby. He proposed to me when his baby mama was 3 months pregnant and he knew she was pregnant with his kid. It just blows my mind lol."
is_this_funny2_u
Thief
julie newmar catwoman GIFGiphy"She decided her future was in a different country, took our savings with her."
RolandHockingAngling
Why is love so elusive? Why can't people be honest?
“what did you do today?”
Dog Talking GIFGiphy"She wouldn’t tell me where she was all day one day. And I’m not the controlling type. But she wouldn’t even answer an innocuous 'what did you do today?' question. By the time this all came to a head, it turned out she was on a date with another guy."
f0gax
Breakdown
"She went through a terrible, just truly terrible mental breakdown, leading to an eventual diagnosis. I did everything I could to keep her together, but it wasn't enough. At the end of it all I told her that I was going to stick it out, I'd do my best to work with her, but she HAD to listen to her doctors."
"She had to take all the advice she was given, she had to take her meds, she had to accept she had a mental illness and she had to deal with it. And she didn't. So when she lost her mind, for the umpteenth time, and told me to get out and not come back, I took her up on her offer."
"Some people call me an a**hole for that decision. But I'm not going to subject myself to 50 years of abuse and misery on behalf of someone who won't do the first thing to take care of themselves."
shaidyn
9 Days
"When I found out he saw me merely as a way to get into the US and as a meal ticket. Called off the wedding 9 days before it was supposed to happen. Best decision I ever made. More than a year later, he contacted me and attempted to blackmail me, not knowing I was by that time working as a defense contractor with a security clearance, which meant I had to report the attempt to the FBI, thus getting him AND his relatives in the US into serious trouble."
FlourChild1026
Alone
"I had a boyfriend while teaching abroad in Korea for a few years. We were planning to get married and he was going to come back to US with me. At the last second he told me he couldn’t do it and I came back alone. He’s great and I love him still but we just want different things for our future."
FredrickTheSeal
"gift for me"
Deadpool Venom GIF by MarvelGiphy"He spent an entire paycheck, MY paycheck, on Pop Figures. As a 'gift for me' when they were all his favorite characters. Took a hard look at how often this type of thing was happening and realized I didn't want to raise an adult baby."
TheTastySpoonicorn
When in Florida
"I caught him in two major lies as his mental health declined. He turned to alcohol and became verbally abusive. I told myself 'the next time it happens I’m out' and it did… at our friends wedding in Florida (I’m from Canada). The wedding party saw the fallout from the fight and a bridesmaid I met an hour earlier told me he cheated at the bachelor party months earlier."
"After seeing his abusive nature she decided that I needed to know the truth. The cherry on top was that the day he cheated was the day I bought my wedding dress. I know I dodged a major bullet but that’s the thing about emotional abuse. It’s insidious. Deep down you know it’s wrong but you also doubt whether you’re being a good partner and abandoning someone in need."
"I’ve moved on and am MUCH MUCH happier. I wake up everyday and am thankful it’s over. I’m almost done my PhD as well, so that’s lovely! Classic 'I went to sleep and this blew up overnight' but thank y’all so much for your kind words and awards. I hope you all have a beautiful day!"
disco_nap_
A Pariah
"I was going to be the black sheep of her very religious family for the rest of my life. I'm imperfect, but no more than most. I just don't believe what their family believed and even though I won her affections and spent years trying to earn trust with everyone; I was always going to be a pariah and it weighed too much on me."
Dangercakes13
Facing Life
"He broke the first engagement. We were very young and he broke it off because his friends didn't like me and convinced him to break up. We got back together a bit later and resumed the engagement like idiots. But with a new ring, cuz that made it better somehow."
"6 months later I broke it off because it dawned on me that if he's willing to dump me because his buddies don't like me, what's marriage or babies going to be like? My mom had told me once that love was rough when the money is tight and they turn the lights off, will you feel strong enough to get through it with them."
"I broke it off for good when I realized there's no way I saw him as my partner I wanted to face life with. When things got hard, he wasn't going to be anything but a child about it and I would be alone. He was engaged and married sometime later and ended up exactly as I thought. They divorced and he was remarried in a year, divorced in another 2 or 3. He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage. Not a crazy drama story but that's it."
I-PUSH-THE-BUTTON
Just a Little
Audrey Whitby Reaction GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphy"He tapped my phone (landline) and put a tracker on my car, and spyware on my laptop. Oh, and cut my brakes. Just a little."
salmonsashimiplease
Dodged...
"I was fresh out of high school and just found out I was pregnant. Getting married seemed like a good next step until he became extremely abusive. Took me a while but I finally got away from him for good. He ended up going to prison for murder a few years later. Dodged a bullet with that one."
Nicoldhearted
Future Bleak
"We got together in our early 20s and engaged a few years later. I called it off when I realized we didn't share a vision for the future, and I wasn't willing to compromise or ask her to. Hurt like hell but I'm so glad I did it - I don't actually think I wanted to be with her forever, it just kind of happened before I knew I could shape my life and be happy There were lots of other reasons we wouldn't have worked, looking back. But that one was enough."
thefirstcoconut
True Colors
"He changed a lot after we were engaged, not pulling his weight financially or around the house. Put an offer on a house without even asking me that was about an hour away from where it made sense for us to live (my job, my family etc), not to mention I had never even seen the home before he made the offer."
"Told me that he didn’t want to have children ever (first time I was hearing of that in 3.5 years) because if we were to divorce he’d have to pay me child support. His true colors came out the last 3 months of our relationship for sure. Definitely dodged a huge bullet with that one!!"
steelergirly7
Oh Hell No
Hell GIF by Steve Harvey TVGiphy"When I met their family. No way in hell was that going to be the rest of my life."
Negative_Increase975
Choose your regret...
"She changed in ways I didn’t like after I proposed. I brought it up on numerous occasions. She mocked me, denied it, and made lame excuses. I have one divorce under my belt already. I can’t go through that again. ETA: I’m eternally grateful this behavior shift happened after the proposal and not the wedding."'"
soggywaffle69
"OP, I’m guessing you’re asking because this is relevant in you’re life. No one here can help you figure it out, but there is a saying I like: 'Choose your regret.'"
soggywaffle69
Sometimes when it's over... it's over.
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Redditor ThatYoungsterSlt wanted to drink all the tea about workplace craziness, they asked:
"What is the small scale work drama happening in your office right now?"
We are here for it all. No detail or issue is too small. Speak up y'all...
Thief
"Someone's been eating people's sandwiches at work. They only get the sandwiches too. I'm legit invested in this because i wanna know.... why just the sandwiches?"
crispylilchickenwang
sandwich maria GIF by SubwayMXGiphyBedlam
"I guess this isn't small scale but fits the drama side; We've just received our pay increase and bonus figures for the year except HR sent a number of letters to the wrong people. Some of whom work together, doing the same job, but with different rates of pay and bonuses. Bedlam."
No_Sugar8791
Bad Play
"The playstation got stolen. For f**ks sake. We used to do an F1 tournament every Friday but the Playseat ain't no fun without a playstation. I will find out who the f**ker was."
Disappointless
"https://www.reddit.com/r/PS4/comments/2bcgf6/any_way_to_track_a_stolen_ps4/cj457m2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Check this out, might help."
Itchysasquatch
Takeover
"My coworker was texting my old number thinking it was me asking if I could cover a shift. The person who took over my old number replied to her saying 'gargle on my b**ls' or something like that. I almost got fired for it."
liquid4618
"My sister was in a study group in school, and a guy from the group texted her to tell her when they were meeting up. He texted a wrong number, and the person replied 'won’t be able to make it, I have explosive diarrhea.'"
introvertissue
And Spoons?
"There are not enough forks in the staffroom. Some people are getting quite upset."
robohyeah
mark hamill forks GIFGiphyI'm living for it all. I work from home so my greatest dramas are with my dogs. Tell me more...
You or Me
"Minor downsizing means the two of us on temp contracts will have to reapply for a single post at the end of the year, so one of us stays and one of us goes."
MerylSquirrel
bad guys wolf GIFGiphySneaky, sneaky...
"Tom and Marie think they're being sneaky with their liaisons. They are not."
nsap200
"We had a Tom and Marie in the office. Everyone knew they were banging but they thought they were being slick and sly. Lead to his divorce and now they spend half the day at each other's desks."
TheBeardedSingleMalt
Drama & Tea
"Someone was pulled in to HR today about keeping their personal life away from work due to lots of recent over-sharing. The air was thick with tension as this person remained silent for the rest of the day. Absolutely everything. All of the dirt for the years leading up to their divorce that was finalized last summer, everything from current sex life to (unsolicited) announcement of her reproductive status. Constant discussion of private conversations with her kids and what’s going on with them (teens asking about sex etc)."
"Not only will she share these conversations with other adults but also has been heard having these conversations with the young teen kids who help us out around our shop as part time workers. The moment you drop a cordial 'Hi, how are you?' You get days worth of drama and tea. I’ve stopped talking with her other than work related conversations."
M0ck_duck
Miserable
"One of my coworkers came in 3 minutes late Monday of last week and my other coworker has been pissy at her since."
FairieButt
"Oh God, I once got called in to a meeting with the boss since she'd had a complaint that I'd left at 4.59pm the day before, instead of 5pm. The fact that I came in 30-60mins early every single day was never even taken into consideration. Quit that job, it was miserable anyway."
ishouldcoco1
The List
"The old manager wrote a list of pros and cons for each employee for the new manager. She left it out where it could easily be read. There are 3-5 cons for each person and 1-2 pros. She hasn’t left yet. Everyone now hates her."
Pantsyo_dog
fashion choose GIFGiphyFB Issues
"A guy was made redundant at work over a year ago and he still laugh reacts to every post the company makes on Facebook."
Queen_Of_Cat_Island
"Before I came to my current company, there was apparently a HUGE dustup involving the head of the company and his right hand lady. They still come in and comment on Facebook posts (they’ve both been gone over two years) with salty comments."
nomadicfangirl
We found out they could!
"I teach. Our team (teachers of the same grade level) is going to send home colored paper note sheets for parents to write encouraging comments to their students for state testing coming up. We want it to be a surprise for the students. We decided to try to see if the office could give us half size manilla envelopes to use. We found out they could! (Very exciting as a teacher to get office supplies)!"
"The secretary went into the locked closet to get us some envelopes. Another grade level team found out that we got envelopes from the office. Now THEY want envelopes because it’s not 'fair' that we got envelopes and they didn’t. That’s the drama. Plus, one teacher that basically hates kids and her job and maybe everyone else will finally retire next year (but we all were hoping it would happen sooner)."
eastcoastme
Damn it Dora!
"We have a shared spreadsheet, someone keeps changing the filters, but no one will own up to it!"
MarioCarter
"Okay I can relate to this. People kept messing with my numbers in my sheet and while I asked for mine to be locked I got denied 'in case you’re not around.' In the same breath I was told I need to have accurate numbers. It’s not my fault Dora keeps touching my stuff!"
NOT PLEASED
"They're installing new furniture and people are NOT PLEASED about the new floor/seating plan."
ConanApproves
"I have personally been in charge or ordering furniture for an office of four individuals. I went in all bright eyed and bushy tailed with my clipboard to have talk about what they wanted. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life."
bloodymongrel
The Fall
"Our operations manager fell through the ceiling of the conference room. He wasn't invited to the meeting and wanted to listen in."
Charming-Wallaby-602
cat falls GIFGiphyInked Out
"So last October our printer ran out of ink. More had already been ordered but with covid running rampant at the time the shipment was super delayed. One of my coworkers got really shitty over the fact that she couldn’t print the reports in the department and instead had to go upstairs to print them. She claimed that since I was the supervisor (I’m not) that I should’ve be the one to go up and print them despite the fact that it was 4am and my shift doesn’t start until 7am. She still isn’t talking to me."
FrostedFishbone
My two-cents...
"We have a jigsaw puzzle on one of the spare desks to give people the opportunity to sit down for 5 minutes and de-stress. However, there's a piece of this puzzle missing and everyone is pointing fingers at each other and trying to work out who has stolen/hidden the piece. My two-cents is that it's just a missing piece, but it's fun to sit and watch the madness unfold."
Naughty
"My boss has been sleeping with a married sergeant and a new boy fresh out of the academy. Neither know about the other. She just found out she's pregnant."
haroyne
New York Reaction GIF by NBAGiphyWe See You!
"We have a serial toilet clogger. Some bitch uses a half a roll of toilet paper to wipe her ass and clogs the damn toilet at least twice a week. It's gotten so bad that the poor maintenance man had signs made up that say 'Please flush after 2 wipes.' Apparently, she can't read, because it keeps happening."
april_minx2001
We need some "to be continued..." for a few of these. I love tea.
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