The Dumbest Things Religious People Have Ever Called 'Satantic'
The trend of calling anything misunderstood "Satanic" definitely isn't a new one, and the list of supposedly devilish things is quite extensive.
One Redditor asked:
"Whats the dumbest thing you have seen a religious person call 'Satanic'?"
Don't Filter Your Blood
"A dialysis machine, lady didn’t want her mom hooked up to a dialysis machine because it looked “evil” and “from satan”. We informed her if her mom wasn’t on dialysis she would die, she was convinced prayer would be enough, 2 days later her moms heart stopped and she died. Her daughter lied and tried to say we didn’t inform her of the risks, but thanks to multiple people writing that this was her wishes."
- Noimnotonacid
Not Depressed, Posessed!
"Depression and anxiety. My dad told me that it was demons possessing me."
"He wasn’t very happy when I decided to major in psychology."
- Consistent_Bee_2327
The Internet Is For ... Satan
"In '96 or so, in an AOL chat room, a woman told me she didn't believe in science, and that anyone who claimed to be a scientist was just a manifestation of the devil's plan to trick people away from the glory of God."
"On AOL.... on the internet... This statement has followed me over the decades haunting my memory because I cannot honestly fathom, no matter how hard I try, what sort of mental paradigm this person had to exist in to actually believe that science was the work of Satan, while simultaneously using AOL chat rooms daily (I had talked to this woman frequently.), and not realizing the hypocrisy of such a statement."
"I dunno where you are, lady, but just know you've impacted my life in some small measure with this single statement. I hope you're in a better headspace, now."
- Egotism
"Using AOL chatrooms daily IN THE 90s when internet communication was still a super niche thing only done by the very young or the very nerdy."
- CyptidProductions
"She likely just had no idea what science actually is. Lot of people in the world seem to think it's basically a different kind of religion with a specific set of beliefs instead of what it actually is: A methodology to gather and analyze information."
- NotTheGreatPumpkin
Pocket Monsters
"When my parents spent 5 years giving me pokemon cards for good grades because I loved collecting/playing, then they got a chain email about demons in the cards and made me burn them. I had to pour gas on them and burn them. I was 9."
"Edit: This is way more widespread than I would have ever thought. We are kin. Yes my parents are nuts, my kids don’t see them, and I love treating my 6yo to a pack whenever we need a pick-me-up. Much love."
- avengecolonehughes
"I knew this one would be here, because my mother made us do the same. I still remember my brother crying his eyes out as he threw Eevee into the fire."
- pantherpants0
Eat My Demonic Shorts
"When I was young I was told by my grandmother that The Simpsons was demonic because it taught children to disrespect their parents. So I never got to watch The Simpsons but still learned to disrespect my parents anyway."
- Jfitz432
Not WASP? Must Be Satanic
"A wood carving of a salmon."
"I think it was more 'this is isn't a part of my culture, therefore satanic.'"
For context, they were a tourist and the offending wooden fish in question was carved and painted in a west coast indigenous art style."
- Paneechio
"Ah yes, the classic using religious excuses to be racist bigots. I’m originally from southern MO, that kind of stuff was all over. If it wasn’t white/conservative/Christian it was evil."
- Regular_Sample_5197
Hair Of The Devil
"My hairstyle because it slightly covered one of my eyes... and apparently having especially droopy hair that day made me a satanist"
- No-Ad2323
"My hair stands on end and my mom was told by a very helpful neighbor that my hair was suspicious. Of course, my neighbor herself, wasn't suspicious - no no - just wanted to make sure my mom was aware my hair could be suspicious."
"My mom asked 'of what?' and our neighbor changed the topic."
"Yeah, we had one of THOSE neighbors."
- Ganglebot
Bird Code
"well, my ex friend's mom said my bird's leg band was a satanic code and a government tracker. it's not. it's for Identifying lost/stolen birds."
- Ether_The_Wolf
No Tasty Eggs For Them
"Deviled Eggs… cause it had the word devil in it. 🤦🏻♂️"
- beasty_bear
The Devil's Music
"My grandmother says rock music is based on "'agan African rhythms'. She's had this opinion since the 60's."
- FrickGoogle
"Someone: I wish people would acknowledge the African/Afro-American origins of rock instead of thinking its a white man's genre."
"Monkeys paw: * curls *"
- TheFailMoreMan
Some of these are laughable... and those poor kids and their pocket monsters.
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Religion is not that hard, people.
Attend whatever service you feel is right, take the lessons to learn how to better yourself, and then use those lessons to better yourself. That's it.
It's when religious people start policing the world that problems tend to arise. Satan isn't everywhere, regardless of what some of these people might think.
Reddit user, Dreammare56, wanted to know when someone's values crossed the line when they asked:
"Whats the stupidest thing you ever seen a religious person call "satanic"?"
You wouldn't expect your food to be accused of being a satanist, but, this is the world we live in.
Lost In Translation
"Godzilla" because god's name shouldn't be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it's actually called "Goodzilla"- Odoacker
Everyone Knows Satan Isn't A Scorpio
"I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs."
"Edit: my wife said her cousins weren't allowed to eat candy on Halloween when they were kids because their mom didn't want to celebrate the "devils birthday"."- whateva_iGuess
It's The Fire, Isn't It?
"Without a shred of sarcasm I once heard an evangelical describe hot Cheetos as a product of the devil"- PM_meurbewbs_nbutts
Chester Cheetah GIF by CheetosGiphyThe devil can come out at you anywhere, they might think. Technology is no exception.
Imaginative Gaming Takes All Kinds Of Form
"The same teacher who taught abstinence only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic."
"How am i supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?"- pixelfixation
Listen To Your Heart, And You'll Find Satan, Apparently
"My wife's mother pulled her out of the carebears movie when she was a kid because the bears were casting satanic spells out of their stomachs. My wife still holds a grudge."- BlumpKeto
Wait For It...
"Back in the 90's my family had a home pc."
"We didn't have much so this computer was a big deal to my brothers and I."
"For school work and some good ole fashioned DOS games."
"My dad managed to figure out how to get a screen saver with sound onto the computer, was quite proud of himself too."
"He failed to mention this screensaver to my mother who is VERY religious."
"So one day I am sitting in high school and get called to the principals office mid 2nd period."
"Now I am a darn near straight A student, who didn't get in trouble ever."
"So this isn't something that has ever happened to me."
"I get to the office, and I was told my mother called and was very very distraught and I needed to head home to be with her."
"I hear the secretary telling another office staff that she was losing her mind, and a few variations to that effect."
"I rush home to find the pastor from church, performing an exorcism on our computer."
"My mother praying fervently through gasping sobs."
"The pastor and my mother prayed for sometime, before my dad came home."
"My dad gets home mad he was called home then he just starts laughing hysterically."
"Calls my mom a few variations of dumb, goes and wiggles the mouse to bring the computer up and plays the darth vader screen saver he added to the computer. "
"'Give in to your anger'."
"'With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant'."
“'I find your lack of faith disturbing'.”
"'You underestimate the power of the Dark Side."
"'If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny." "
"You know all the come to the darkside quotes."
"With a picture of Darth Vaders face."
"Of course my mother couldn't get the computer to do it again because she kept messing with it, and it never went back to sleep mode."
"So of course her first thought was we had an evil satanic computer possessed by the devil himself."
"The pastor just quietly snuck out with me during my dads laughing and my moms sobs."- Tahitisummer
Star Wars GIFGiphyYou would think you would know if your body was possessed by the lord of darkness, wouldn't you? Especially if it was in your mouth.
What?
Roots In History
"Being left handed...a church I visited wouldn't let me play music bc of it"- boogboi89
Just Keep Smiling...
"A toothache."
"The devil is trying to enter my body' Was the quote."
"Initially I thought they were making a weird joke."
"They were serious."- RoniCorningstone
Hence, The Plot Of "Footloose"
"Back in the 70s it was a lot of stupid: bar codes."
"The little symbol on Proctor & Gamble products."
"Yoga and/or meditation."
"Lots of different music by different artists."
"My small town Christian private school had a particular teacher who was absolutely dying mad about his students' fondness for Michael Jackson, AC/DC, and other bands of the time."
"The funniest one of all was dancing."
"The joke around my (conservative Christian) college in the 80s was that sex was outlawed because it could lead to dancing."
"For some bizarre reason the administration thought dancing was totally evil."- SociallyAwkardTurtle
kevin bacon dancing GIFGiphyHow long have you got?
"I have so many."
"I was raised in a religious cult."
"So I’ve heard the most normal everyday things called satanic, but my favorite is probably Barbie."- helicopterhamster
A link straight to hell
"In my country old people think that internet is a spawn of [the devil]."- RHYEME.
They do more than just rot your brain.
"Heard someone say video games are satanic because they all have violence."- MoonKnightPlzHurtMe·
Pete Davidson Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will..."
"The live action Cruella De Ville movie."
"Same woman admitted to liking the Disney version and her kids having already watched it."
"Like, honey, her last name didn’t change."- ElizaWil02
Are you sure those books are science fiction?
"Cthulhu."
"He’s a great old one, not a demon."
If children love it, the devil made it!
"Okay so I'm a Christian and go to a Christian school, K-8, I'm year 8, that defiantly follows stricter Christian guidelines than I do, but, is not crazy religious."
"A couple times a year a speaker, usually a pastor but as in this stories case, not always, would speak for a few minutes in the morning each day during the school week."
"The things they talked about would usually be uplifting and spiritual things often singing praise songs, too."
"But this time, my 3rd grade class would be doing no singing, no."
"For this week of prayer the grandmother of one of my classmates spoke, or should I say lectured."
"And the things she talked about were things only parents should be discussing with their children, not some crazy conservative lady."
"I'll list some of the things she talked about, and these are just the things I remember, there were more that I have forgotten."
"Frozen has satanic messages/is teachings of the devil."
"Star Wars has satanic messages/is teachings of the devil."
Harry potter has satanic messages/is teachings of the devil."
"Detailed descriptions of naked cultists sacrificing kittens to the devil, we were in 3rd grade and there were younger grades in the room."
"And More!"
"During the frozen lecture, one girl said that her parents were okay with it and said it was okay to watch and was abruptly scolded by the crazy grandma and told to basically not listen to her parents."
"I know, what the f*ck."
"The scary part is that her lectures actually worked."
"I, for a while, genuinely believed some of the things she said and listened to them for a while before eventually forgetting about it and moving onto the next interest my 3rd grade mind decided to like."
"It wasn't until I was older and remembering about it that I realized how manipulative she was."
"She would be a great cult recruiter."
"According to my mother, after some of the parents heard the things their children were being taught they complained to the school and I can only presumed the crazy lady was invited not to speak at the school again since I've never seen her since."
"Her grandchildren eventually left the school."
"I wonder if the lectures were partly why."
"That grandma would certainly be disappointed in the un-Christian like boy I am now."
"Shame on me for not following here wise teachings and taking them to heart."- Disastrous_Pattern_3
frozen disney GIFGiphyAll I had to do was look in a mirror
"Me."- Gurke747
The Devil's Cover
"A red bed cover."- ollie_innit197
As if he doesn't put up with enough.
"The fact that my brothers gay."- Key_Conversation2230
Lgbt Love Wins GIF by Capital Pride | Have Pride 365!GiphyThe devil is in the details, and his greatest trick was convincing us he never existed.
Odds are he's never been in "The Care Bears Movie." Just for the record.
Parents generally mean well, but sometimes the stuff they lead their kids to believe are more than a bit farfetched.
Whether it's passing on old wives tales they heard from their parents, or convenient lies to get kids to behave a certain way, you shouldn't believe everything your parents told you.
Reddit user i_cant_see_my_ears asked:
"What is something your parents engrained in you as a child that you now realize is ridiculous?"
Not An Allergy
"That I was allergic to sand (5 years old)."
"She just didn't want to clean the sand off of me and my clothes."
-Aperture_Kubi
"This is sad to me. There is so much fun to be had by kids in the sand."
-Electrical-Pie-8192
No Wizardry For You
"Less of a direct rule, but as a kid I wasn't allowed to watch or read Harry Potter because she thought stuff like that was bad... and then when I was 18 I saw her and my nephews watching Harry Potter in her house. She actually apologized to me for not letting me watch it as a kid because she thought it was a lot worse than it was.'
-ItsNinjaBoy
"My mom was similar. She didn't let my brother and I read Harry Potter as kids because she bought into the Satanic Panic surrounding the series. When we were older, she decided to give it another try from the viewpoint of someone who wasn't constantly panicking about everything in an attempt to shield her young children."
"She loves Harry Potter now.'
-BrittB14
"My Mom wouldn't let me watch 'The Addams Family' in school. I hate to sit in the hall. She's a wonderful mother, just got caught up in the 90's "satanic" hysteria..."
-gonzoisgood
Correlation Does Note Equal Causation
"That cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Not true at all. I found this out on Reddit last week after 30+ years of thinking it was true."
-1980pzx
"It's a good example of third cause fallacy."
"Cracking knuckles is indeed correlated with arthritis, but it doesn't mean it causes it, what it ends up being is that manual labor that is hard on joints and leads to arthritis also leads to an urge to crack knuckles."
"Basically, people see that B and C are correlated and assume that B causes C, when really what's going on is there's some other thing, A, where A causes B and C"
-bisforbenis
You Really Don't Have To Eat The Crusts
"Bread crust has all the nutrients. 😂"
-kre8ive1
"Well sure, it's like with all fruits and vegetables, the skin is the healthiest part! It's because when the bread is growing on the bread vines out in the bread fields, the crust absorbs all those good nutrients from the sun and the soil. It's just science!"
-Holybartender83
"My mom told me crusts were what helped me grow and I wanted to be tall so I immediately started eating my crusts and my sisters crusts (she was too little to be reasoned with)."
"I'm tall now, and my sister was always shorter than me, so I'm not gonna say my mom was wrong 😆"
-angry_amethyst
Talking About Sex Is Important
"'Sex' was a taboo word in our parents' house."
"We could not ask questions or comment on sex in any way or at any time, no matter what. It was as if sex didn't exist - a subject alien to daily living."
-Back2Bach
"I was afraid to tell my mom I was pregnant, and I had been married for two years."
-Lucinnda
"I'm glad I'm not the only one like this. I've been dating my SO for like... four years now. We live together. We're talking about marriage and possibly having kids. And it gives me so much anxiety just THINKING of having to tell my parents I'm pregnant. I don't think i could handle the shame, even if I was MARRIED. What the f**k does that say about our upbringing lol"
-Langoustina
No, It Doesn't
"Hair grows back faster/thicker after you shave it for the first time."
-debq
"Yep my mom told me that when I was young and believed it back then."
-Tracylyn8787
"My mom legitimately believed it. Presumably she was told the same. When I hit puberty and she gave me a razor etc., she specifically told me not to start shaving my upper leg because my hair there was light/fine enough to not need it. Then one day my contrarian self was like 'oops I forgot' and she was like 'welp I guess you have to shave above the knee for the rest of your life, have fun with that.'"
-debq
Just Suck It Up
"If you hate your job you just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don't complain because you'll be pegged as a troublemaker, and if you quit you'll be seen as flaky and nobody else will hire you."
"This nugget has caused more damage to my physical and emotional well being than anything else. You really don't want to hear their views on staying in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage (they're similar)."
-Johhnymaddog316
"I heard this from my Boomer parents, and in my career field, you pretty much have to change employers every few years to get a decent raise. The thing that blows my mind is I've explained this to my mother, and she still clutches her pearls when I tell her I'm looking for work elsewhere. "'What about your BENEFITS?!'"
"'This new employer says they'll match them AND pay me more.'"
-Bobcatluv
This One Is So Widespread
"You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you go back in the pool, otherwise you'll get cramps and drown."
-primitivedreamer
"We were at someone's house with a pool. as a kid and they would set an alarm. One of those spinning ones that dings. All the kids would gather round and watch it. Tick tick tick. Not a minute too soon or death!!!"
-MorePieForEveryone
It's Okay To Ask Him
"That as a girl, I should never be the one to reach out to the guy first, he must be the one to make the effort first. (Ex: if I want to hangout with a boy I like or even simply text him, I need to wait for him to text me or reach out to me first) it really messed up how I talk to guys I'm attracted too, because I'm 23 years old so I can do what I want when it comes to guys but I sometimes still have this mindset."
"The crazy thing is now my parents wonder why we don't even reach out to any guys we are interested in lol"
-hitagiss
"I told a guy 'You're really cute, do you want to come on a date with me?' We're still married."
-Alohomora95
"I was already 'seeing' this boy (we were teens, hadn't even kissed yet) and I rang him one afternoon for a chat. Mum found out and said with a gasp 'you can't be chasing boys!'"
"Maybe in her generation where they went to Friday night dances and were courted by multiple men until they picked the most gentlemanly and career-minded suitor to make babies with. That doesn't happen any more Mum! We aren't lined up along the wall in our best dresses like a row of prizes."
-Lucifang
That's Not How It Works
"You catch colds simply by being exposed to cold. For some reason I just never questioned the idea that temperature itself caused viruses, but it's such a ridiculous notion once you think about it!"
-SendMeNudesThough
Sometimes parents just repeat the things their parents told them without questioning, but that can lead to everyone being misinformed. A healthy dose of skepticism can do a lot of good.
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