Redditor DoubleRemand asked:
"Mall Santas of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing a kid asked for Christmas?"
So petty.
Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.
My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted "one of those loud horns". She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he "knows what it's like."
Solid list.
I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noerr Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap.
Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince's 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.
What every child wants.
After waiting two hours in line my daughter asked Santa for a hot dog.
My daughter asked for pancakes one year. It was very cute.
But then I had to get up and make pancakes on Christmas morning instead of being lazy.
A young entrepreneur.
My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he'd make coffee.
That kid is probably a millionaire now.
GiphyDream job.
I'm a teacher. I had one of my most difficult, obstinate, button-pusher kids come in at recess to talk to me. He said he was worried he would not get what he really wanted - to be a real elf, move to the North Pole and make all the presents. He had tears in his eyes and was the most sincere I had ever seen. Made me really appreciate how hard life was at home; he just wished for a way out.
When I was like 9 I wrote a goodbye letter to my parents telling them Santa was going to pick me up and take me to the North Pole.
I sat out in our car and waited on Santa to show up and take me away.
The most dumb thing about this was that it was the middle of the summer.
Good one, Santa.
Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.
I said "No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin."
Mom laughed.
What a trooper.
I was a Santa in 1997 for a small, authentic Old-West village. I was 17 at the time and doing some local theater and the costume lady was asked to find someone to be Santa for the weekend. She told me she thought of me because "well you're not FAT, but you're big" (I'm 6'6"/1.98). So I put on a cheap costume that didn't fit well and the beard smelled like the last Santa threw up in it, and I waited in a prop shed in the plaza that was normally a sheriff office or something... tall, skinny, smelly Santa in a shed sitting on a plastic lawn chair.
Giphy
It was no wonder all the children screamed when they were put on my lap. None of them asked for anything in fact, as they were too busy being scared of me.*
I had a pair of girls and later a pair of guys from the local Christian high school dressed as elves on the first day to take polaroids and collect money. On the second day they flaked and I was by myself all day. I charged people money to enter my creepy shed and take pictures of their own kids.
*except for one young lady who was probably older than me and severely mentally disabled. Her parents were so apologetic because she was "too old" but she sat on my lap and smiled at me with total naked joy. I can still see her face 20 years later.
Right in the feels.
Worked as an elf for a couple years and we had this "Wish Jar" that you could put slips of paper in.
A little girl wrote something down on a piece of paper and folded it and quietly slipped it into the jar. The mom came rushing back after they left asking if we could get the paper out of the jar for her. She unfolded it and in crayon it said "I want Dad to come home". The mother started crying and took it with her.
Got some other weird and sad ones but that one hit me right in the feels.
Welcome to the real world.
My kid asked santa for Thor's hammer. Christmas morning he opens up Thor's hammer. So happy. First thing he did was chuck it across the living room and into the kitchen. Dishes smash, glass all over the floor. Kid was pissed it didn't come back to him. The look on his face. Pure Christmas devastation.
I'm literally crying.
I am the picture taker for the Santa that's at the store I work at. We had a young girl, maybe 8 years old, come in. A couple days previously she had told her mom that the only thing she wanted for Christmas was to meet her dad and give him a hug. So we helped the mom set it up. We held the line, had her take a pic with Santa and then when Santa asked what she would like for Christmas and she told him "my dad" he told her "well it's not Christmas yet but I may be able to help bring your wish come true". So Santa had her knock on the door to his 'workshop' where her dad had been hiding and they met and hugged for the first time in her memory. There wasn't a dry eye in the area...
That's the best part of being an 'elf' and working Santa pictures, being able to do something special like this for someone. It really makes all the crazies and a**holes easier to deal with
GiphySmart kid.
When my youngest was 4 she asked Santa for a brown, yellow and pink cow so she could have Chocolate, Banana or Strawberry Milk anytime she wanted.
The best present.
When I was like, maybe 8? I asked for a jar of pickle juice. I don't remember what reactions were but they were probably pretty funny.
However I do remember that on Christmas morning I got a jar of pickles without the pickles and just the juice, all with a big bow on it. And I just drank it like that with a straw. My mom thinks it's sickening.
That's messed up.
Was a Mall Santa in the Eighties. Things were pretty routine that year as far as toy requests. Ninja Turtles, New Kids on The Block Jackets, P.J. Sparkles Dolls.
And Lego, which never gets old, kids love to build things..
One perfectly normal looking little 12 year old girl came and asked for many fire-related items. Cigarette lighters, sparklers, a barbecue lighter, wooden matches, and pink ping pong balls. I immediately balked and said she might want to get more practical presents, toys and the like.
Mom put her hand right in front of my face, laughed merrily and said her daughter was 'just going through a phase...' and, I would be looking for a job elsewhere in fifteen minutes if I didn't shut up. Okay, no words to either. Threat by Mom duly noted by every parent in line, shoppers and staff. My mall camera store folks glared at the woman, and no one said anything else. They had their pictures with Santa taken, with me utterly dead eyed, and then left. Staff were visibly upset. We took a quick 5 minute break and came back.
GiphyMy boss was very concerned when I share this with him and said he knew exactly which child it was; that she was a privileged girl with very wealthy parents.
Boss: '' She'll be a newspaper headline one day kid... ''
Ten years later, I drew the now adult daughter's courtroom sketch in a capital city courtroom.
She had been charged in a string of arson related-incidents stemming from a period of over 12 years, all over the city close to major bus routes.
That's incredible.
I have been a Santa for over 40 years. I started in a mall and then donated my services for many children's programs. Currently I'm Santa for a large county deserving children's program in Indiana. A few years ago a child climbed up on my lap and said he didn't want anything. I was taken back by the comment. He said his mother there was not going to be Christmas that year due to the family's hot water heater had broke.
I told my wife that night about the sad young man. She talked to her boss and her boss said he'd buy the hot water heater and have his maintenance guys install it. I contacted the the lady who ran the program and she traced down the kid.
On Christmas Eve the maintenance guys showed up with a new hot water heater. They said Santa sent them. The family got a new hot water heater from Santa!
Redditor e2hawkeye wanted to hear people's stories about purposefully bad gifts, and asked:
"What was the most passive aggressive gift you ever got for Christmas?"
Saving A Marriage
"My step-dad got my mom Poo-Pourri last year for Christmas. She was pissed lol"
- MrMet25134
"Poo-pourri saved my marriage. I was about to divorce his ass."
- [Reddit]
What's In The Box?
"My girlfriend's decapitated head in a box."
"My brother likes jokes, and homages, and movies; particularly thrillers from the mid 90s. And he adores David Fincher..."
"However he took that one a bit far with his 'homage' the the end of Seven. I've only just forgiven him."
"It was a long 2 weeks of semi-aggressive communication and slights."
- ProgressingSlowly
Not Missing Out On A Good Deal
"My dad said he got grave plots for my sister and I."
"It wasn't the only thing, but he said he got them cheap and didn't want to pass them up 😂"
- ThatFinnishGu
A Potato Legend
"When I was 9 and my brother was 7 we got potatoes for Xmas. (Coal was clearly too hard.)"
"We have that year on video and I’m clearly devastated."
"My little bro was a legend, tho. He states ‘I’m going to have it for breakfast.’ "
"We have a photo of him that year proudly eating his potato for Xmas. He made my mum cook it."
- Lozzif
Oh, Lord
"Lord of the rings films on DVD usually came out to buy around my birthday."
"I wasn't into it, but my Dad was."
"He got it for me several years in a row and then promptly put it on his shelf to watch whenever he wanted."
"When I moved out, I made a point to take them with me since they 'were mine' and he was furious. Yes, the petty revenge was delicious."
- JustJenR
A Gift For Himself
"When I was thirteen my dad told me got me a Christmas present."
"I was soooooo excited! I grew up in a traditional family where my mom did most of the cooking, cleaning, Christmas shopping etc."
"My dad did not normally purchase our Christmas gifts although he paid for them. My mom was always the one that did the majority of the shopping and preparing for Christmas and my dad worked as a full time electrical engineer."
"So I genuinely was excited to see what he picked out for me when Christmas Day came. It was a Sally Fields cookie cookbook."
"I didn’t love baking. My much awaited gift was actually just a nudge to make my dad some homemade cookies."
"I laugh at it now but it was a bit of a disappointment."
- Kylielou2
A Game For A Gamer
"I am 24 and a casual gamer. It's one of my favorite hobbies, though I have many hobbies."
"Anyway my Stepmother always hated it and my Dad who used to love gaming had given it up all together in some facade to appeal to her."
"Last Christmas I received a family game that resembled Kerplunk but with noodles... for Ages 3-7."
"I got her a £50 necklace because my Dad advised strongly for it."
- [Reddit]
Sabotage Chocolates
"My husbands foster mother was really vain, always talking about how small her waistline was— she claimed it was 21” and how at 45 years old she could still put on her wedding dress."
"Unfortunately for me, I had a lot of stress in my life, and at 18 years old I was 8 months pregnant and really hadn’t gained much weight. Looking back at pictures I realize I was really underweight."
"So she buys from the Walmart store this gigantic box of chocolate— the cheap stuff, it literally was 2’x3’."
"I don’t think she knew this but I have a chocolate allergy so the gift was useless. But I always thought this was a sabotage gift to protect her self-image."
- sandee4872
Getting Their Goat
"My parents split up when I was 10."
"My father was majorly depressive and abusive. My mum struggled after the separation and we were pinching pennies just to get by."
"He even refused to pay the $13/fortnight of child support for 3 kids - which didn’t even cover bus fares for 2 days."
"After the divorce had finally settled, a year or two later, my brothers and I received Christmas cards in the mail from his parents. They were those cards donating a goat to a third world country..."
- Shakierag
Dear Diary
"A diary 'to write down my thoughts so I dont talk so much' "
- realdappermuis
Ho ho ho
"My wife gave a very passive/aggressive gift to her brother's girlfriend one year for xmas. It wasn't actually the gift itself, it was the wrapping paper.
You see, this girlfriend was the woman who cheated with him on his wife, causing the marriage to fail and the the family to be split up. As you might imagine, my wife didn't care much for this woman. So, a gift was purchased and wrapped in Xmas paper. The paper had 'Ho Ho Ho' written all over it. Basically, just white paper with Ho Ho Ho.
Everyone got it. New Years was not fun."
You can't fall off of a video game, just sayin'
"When I was a kid I played a lot of video games and my dad gave me a skateboard in hopes I would go out more often.
Eventually that worked, but with a mountain bike"
Backpacks are just more practical
"For whatever reason, it drives my boyfriend's mother and aunts bonkers that I use a backpack instead of carrying around a purse a lot of the time (like for going to/from work or just general travels). Every year, someone from that little family group always thinks they're doing me a favor by getting me a purse. They're also not even that great of quality (like it's that cheap pleather that scuffs and looks like crap after a week of use)."
I would boycott Christmas too
"Half a bar of chocolate , I got my sister the $100 in cash that she insisted on and she got me absolutely nothing at first , but she was shamed by everyone else at the party so she threw a half eaten bar of chocolate at me that she was eating and told me that this was my present.
This year I am not celebrating Christmas. Nobody gets any presents. It will be just an ordinary day for me."
What are you trying to say, mom?
"My mom's bought me a stationary bike and two scales. I feel like she's trying to tell me something"
This is why they don't visit
"I once had an entire sarcastic christmas where all my family members unanimously decided to get me gag gifts without telling each other. It wasn't a planned thing they just all got me insulting presents without realizing it. I ended up with EU de toilet cologne, a poo emoji stuffed animal (im 23) a shirt with a far right political cartoon insulting Bernie Sanders and a maga hat (im the only family liberal) and a candy cellphone in an iPhone box
Grandma: why don't you come visit?"
A gift only a mother in law would give
"My grandmother (dad's mother) once got my mom tablecloths for Christmas. My mom was not impressed"
At least you can make a ton of mashed potatoes...?
"My mom got my wife a 10 pound bag of potatoes.
When my wife asked literally 'what the heck', my mom said 'I worked the church food bank last weekend and I knew you were poor so I got you something to help out.'
Yeah.
Mom was something else."
GiphySpeaks for itself
"a t-shirt saying 'I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right'"
That backfired
"Cousin gave me a Spice Girls album hoping I wouldn't like it and would give it to her. 'You're a boy, you probably don't even know what Spice Girls is. If you don't like it, you should just give it to me.'
I listened to it so many times in spite if her that eventually all I really really really wanted was a zig-a zig-ahhhh."
That wasn't very subtle...
"My aunt gave me a box of 'Thank You' note cards.
On the gift tag, she wrote: 'You should try using these sometime.'"
'Santa' should mind his business!
"When I was in middle school, going through my tomboy phase, 'santa' gave me a book called How to Raise a Lady, and when I opened it my mom just looked at me and said 'Maybe Santa is trying to give a hint.'"
GiphySo who got the iPod?
"When I was younger I managed to somehow lose my retainer at a Denny's. We searched everywhere, including the dumpster for over 30 minutes... my parents were furious. Fast forward a month, and the new iPod is released, and I really want it. I tell my parents that is the only thing I want for Christmas.
Come Christmas time, we are opening gifts and I see one that matches the shape of the iPod box... and sure enough, after unwrapping it - it's the new iPod! I hop up and immediately hug both my parents and I'm jumping around in joy! I sit back down and begin to open the box, and inside this iPod box is a new retainer. No iPod"
Don't take your anger out on children
"All growing up my aunt always got me really nice clothing. I always got sweaters or sweatpants from American Eagle or Hollister which were very popular in my tween years. Then, she got mad at my mom for something and I started getting very juvenile presents including a children's robe with Hello Kitty on it that didn't fit, a plastic bracelet loom when I was 17, and a cork board in the shape of a flower."
At least you could donate them
"Pack of underwear from my mother in law 4 sizes too big. Smiled, thanked her, though that was the end. Told my husband I was going to donate them as they were too big. He told his mother and her reaction was, well she will eventually grow into them."
I bet they never forgot their anniversary again
"One year everyone forgot my grandparents' anniversary (it's sometime in October). That Christmas every family got a professional picture of my grandparents with their anniversary on a plaque on the frame."
Those are the worst gifts under any circumstances
"A bible and a pretty hair band.
I'm a lesbian. At the time I was very butch."
Thanks a bunch, dad.
"They've definitely come from my father, both times.
1st time, I had a bad looking beard, so he gave me a pack of razors and some shaving cream.
2nd time, I asked for a pretty large gift -- a laptop. Apparently he didn't like that. He gave me a watch. A watch that he was previously given as a gift but didn't want. A watch that didn't work."
I think you can sue your boss for this...
"I had a real bully of a boss that delighted in making me miserable, but I was broke and desperate for a job so I didn't have a lot of options. The bullying kept escalating so I stupidly went to HR (because this was before I realized HR is there to protect the company not the employee). I told them what she'd been doing and gave them as much evidence as I had and told them that she was creating a hostile environment and I was genuinely concerned for my mental health.
Nothing came of the HR meeting and apparently that comment got back to my boss. Christmas rolls around and at the company party the bosses would always give their employees some little something. My co-workers got gift certificates to get a massage. I got a little tin bank that says 'I'm saving up for some therapy.'"
