Listen, if your twenties are the best time in your life then, barring something seriously tragic, you did life wrong. I have no idea why media tries to paint a person's twenties as the peak of their life.
Young people, please understand it is all lies. Your twenties are probably going to be a raging dumpster fire where you have no idea WTF you're actually supposed to be doing, but you're pretty sure you're doing it wrong.
One Reddit user asked:
You know my answer. Check out what these people had to say.
Sacrificing For Your Jobi feel sick sigh GIFGiphy
Being willing (or forced) to sacrifice your own health for your job.
So many times I've listened to people get into bragging competitions about who has been the sickest and still gone to work. F*ck that noise, if I'm sick I'm keeping my @ss at home!
If there's one thing I hope COVID is able to permanently put to rest, it's the idea that going to work sick is in any way acceptable.
Employers are 100% on the hook for this.
F*ck off with your "lean staffing" plans (read: deliberate, chronic understaffing) and offer sick pay to your employees so that they don't feel like they have to come in and infect the rest of the staff when they're sick.
Trauma Is Not Trendy
I've joined some groups for bpd support and stuff and been dismayed to find they're filled with teens who have just post cringy memes and talk like anime characters.
There are even trendy words. I tried to explain to someone a couple years ago about how I got too high and started dissociating (like actually felt like I was a robot and out of my own body. Absolutely terrifying) and I didn't realize that "dissociation" has become a trendy buzzword to mean.... I don't even know what, but they were like, "Ah, yes." like they understood exactly what I meant.
Romanticizing trauma, basically. Dissociation can be super scary.
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and the number of people I've seen online that basically appear to want this disorder is appalling.
I'm in a good place now and love my alters, but for a while there I was hospitalized with sky high anxiety and all I did for 12 (sometimes 24) hours a day when I was finally home was try to manage my emotions while switching from alter to alter.
I spent all day every day not knowing if the horrible memory I just got in a flashback is real and I've forgotten it or not. It's not fun being like that at all.
Joker and Harley Quinn's relationship.
He's abusive, people.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship and can also kind of understand romanticizing theirs, it's complicated. I think that maybe a lot of women like me have been in similar simulations and can find comfort in knowing they're not alone.
None of this is an endorsement, by the way, but I do get it.
There was no abuse shown in those movies (it was kind of implied in BoP, I guess) and that is why the emancipation part of BoP fell flat for me. We never really saw the abusive relationship or the truly messed up stuff that I have heard of from the comics.
It's Harder And Kind Of Sucks
Disability. It hasn't given me "a whole new and different and unique and special perspective on things."
I just can't see as well, it makes life harder, and it kind of sucks.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Thank you!!
Honestly, I'm so over this "you can do anything you set your mind to!"
No I can't. I'm disabled.
It's hard for my to do a lot of stuff. And that's ok. Some times it gets me down and that's ok too. I don't have to be the embodiment of positivity because I'm disabled.
Yesss! Visually impaired and chronically ill here.
It's totally fine to be happy for someone's accomplishments, but the inspiration porn needs to stop ASAP. So done with that sh*t.
And the idea that you can do anything if you just work hard? Well 1, no. I can't do anything.
But more importantly 2, I shouldn't have to work 10x harder to barely meet your standards and then get told that my disabled peers are doing way better than me. That's ableist, not inspiring.
And it's also what got me kicked out of college cause it was so inaccessible.
For pete's sake we're not unicorns. We're not inherently cuter or more inspirational or whatever people like to say about us.
If you wouldn't fawn over me if I were with a guy, don't start melting into a puddle because I'm with a girl.
I appreciate that American society (or at least where I live) has gone from borderline legal to murder me to treating me like I'm a special, I really do.
But more than anything I just want to be left alone.
People need to stop romanticizing "Hustle Culture". People need to understand that overworking does not lead to being overpaid. You are just going to end up being overworked and burnt out.
Just be consistent in whatever you do.
It's like an even more twisted version of the Protestant work ethic.
Instead of suffering hard work in this life to get into heaven, you're suffering hard work just to maybe, if you're really lucky, afford to live in a house like the one you grew up in rather than a rabbit hutch in the stabby part of town.
Young Loveleonardo dicaprio love GIFGiphy
Your first relationship most likely won't last. It'll hurt when it does end, but it's not the end of the world.
Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy, not a romance. The story is about two young people (Juliet is 13) who over the course of 4 days have a forbidden love and then commit suicide.
Cultural products like music and movies especially f*ck up kids who are dealing with raging hormones and insecurity.
The idea that you are supposed to find TRUE ETERNAL LOVE with another confused kid puts on so much more and unrealistic expectations.
The Feel-Good Nature Of Bad
Cheating and other "forbidden fun," with relationships. So many songs nowadays embracing the feel-good nature of a bad decision.
Cheating. In the media it is shown as a love story, nobody shows the suffering that the betrayed person suffers, the pain, all the trauma. These people are always abusive, ugly, unsuccessful, all as a way to "justify" adultery!
Post Bottoming Out
I am bothered by the romanticized view of the post-bottoming out rehab process. Movies love showing people sitting in circles telling horrible stories. In real life these are stories about how you hurt yourself and loved ones very deeply.
Fix You First
Stop romanticizing getting pets, having kids, or getting married when you're unfit for that.
People need to address their own sh*t before they add another living being (partner, child, animal) to the mix.
People either don't give it much thought and think that's what they have to do. Or they think adding one of those things to their lives will fix whatever issue(s) they have going on.
Also, people that don't have children sometimes are called "selfish."
I think people (especially people with serious problems that are not being addressed) that have children are just as, if not more, selfish than children-less adults. These people think the world needs another one of them running around or they are using this human or animal to serve some purpose for their lives.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Movies have no qualms of tackling subject matter that is a real part of people's lives.
But no matter how well they are written and receive critical acclaim, they are essentially created to entertain.
Some people who resonate with certain subject matters – like cancer or suicide – depicted on screen may take issue over the fact that there is an audience grabbing their popcorn and knowing eventually everything will be fine when the credits roll.
Lack Of Sleep
"Not 'needing' 7-8 hours of sleep."
"So many people treat not sleeping as a badge of honor. In reality, the science is pretty clear in this, that getting < 7 hours impairs your cognitive functioning and productivity. A lot of sleep-deprived people dispute that, but those in a sleep-deprived state aren't reliable evaluators of their own performance!"
"If you actually can't function in the morning without coffee, you're probably not getting enough sleep. And yes, that's a lot of people."
"Eating disorders. It's not beautiful and tragic, it's just a lot of gross sh*t. Like hoarding bags of chewed up food under your bed. Having dentures/implants at 30 because your teeth rotted out. Walking around in public not realizing you have vomit in your hair, which by the way, is falling out by the fistful. I remember reading one horrifying story from an ER nurse who had a patient who was literally vomiting feces because her stool was so impacted due to constipation from her anorexia. Imagine vomiting your own sh*t."
"And that's not including risks like heart failure, life-threatening arrhythmias, brain atrophy, gastric rupture..."
"There's nothing pretty about eating disorders."
"For real. I saw an add the other day that I thought was for call of duty at first. Turns out its for the army."
"Positive Inspiration Porn"
"Chronic illness or life altering disease. People glamorize being sick in books and movies as a lesson in strength, positive outlook, and acceptance. Great values to learn but it completely ignores the constant pain, isolation, and fear that sick people face daily. People pass around feel good stories about 'inspiring' people living their lives to the fullest while terminally or forever ill to make healthy and able bodied people feel grateful for what they have. I, nor anyone else in this community that I know, don't want to be your positive inspiration porn. This life is hard and we wouldn't choose it so stop using it for stories/media that you get to be emotional over then walk away from."
Idea Of Violence
"This makes me really ashamed, but I fell down the 'Columbiner' rabbit hole when I was a young, troubled kid. Basically, it's a fandom for the Columbine shooters. I was struggling with my mental health and the idea of killing the people who were putting me through so much sh*t gave me catharsis. I even wrote a letter to Kip Kinkel, a man who shot up his high school a year before the Columbine shooting. I really poured my heart out, and explained everything I was going through. I didn't expect him to write back, but he did. He told me that he usually didn't write back to minors, but that he thought it was important to tell me that everything was going to get better someday.
He explained how he got the treatment he needed for his mental health issues in prison and even got a good education and a job within the prison, and was living a pretty good life there, despite serving a life sentence. He said that he really cared about me and wanted me to succeed in life, and asked me to reach out and get help. I was floored. No one had ever cared that much about me before. Needless to say, I left that fandom and got help, and I stopped romanticising the idea of violence. When a literal school shooter tells you that sh*t isn't cool, you know that sh*t isn't cool."
"Know that unlike in math, two negatives do not make a positive. In other words, two imperfect people do not magically make a perfect relationship."
"Like, 99% of the time it will get better but 99% of the time you won't be able to come back to where you once was as an athlete. No matter how heroically you will try to recover or fight this injury. Most of the time it will never be the same again."
"I injured my knee a long time ago, and it has never been the same ever again and everybody told me to try harder. That's just not how it works."
Obsession With People
"Stalking. In movies, if person A likes person B, it becomes ok to stalk them like crazy, showing up uninvited to profess their love."
"In reality, that's totally creepy and illegal. The issue is that people without experience doing these things in real life see the movies and emulate what they see."
"Being stressed and exhausted from work."
"Or it turns into what we call 'pain olympics'"
"'I'm exhausted, I worked 65 hours this week..' 'Omg that's nothing, I worked 75 and I'm doing just fine!'"
"There's nothing romantic about not showering for three days and forgetting what it's like to be able to feel things."
"Loyalty to the company--it's not a good thing. My husband worked for one particular company for nearly 20 years and towards the end, they were really treating him like sh*t. He was actually scared to try and find another job because he was afraid his coworkers would hate him afterwards for leaving. It didn't help that for a period of about 2 years prior to his quitting, he'd done a sh*t ton of interviews for similar positions only to find out they were going another way, or had just entered a hiring freeze or some other bullsh*t response. My own thoughts on that were that he was TOO experienced and wanted too much money BECAUSE of that experience. With one rejection after another, it broke him down and he felt like he would never be able to find another job."
Joker And Harley
"The Joker and Harley's relationship."
"It's abusive, plain and simple. If you want a weird, quirky couple to base your relationship on, go with Gomez and Morticia. That is possibly the most healthy relationship ever portrayed in media. They clearly have a different sense of what is normal, but it is also clear that they adore each other, support each other, and communicate clearly with each other."
"You don't want Joker and Harley. You want Gomez and Morticia."
"Rise and grind everyday lifestyle...needlessly. Ofc some people actually have to live that life to legitimately survive, but the consistent push in today's generations and romanticizing it to be this life where you're happy and rich is just so dangerous..."
"I literally could not agree more,there is so much more bullshit In high school but the media decides to romanticize one TEENSY part of it. Take it from a high schooler, romance is such a tiny part of it that it's barely even recognized anymore."
"I am thankful I never made it such a habit that it ever became a problem, but between the commercials urging you to buy beer and liquor, the movies and television that treat binges as always fun and always sex-filled, and the general cultural passivity with it (the fact I can drink with my parents no problem but will likely never, EVER smoke weed with them) is just painfully misleading."
"I think of the people who truly struggle with alcoholism and how much it must pain them to watch TV or even just be out anywhere it is served. Maybe someone with that sort of perspective here can correct or enlighten me, but it just seems like a very difficult world to recover from alcohol dependency."
"To clarify, I'm not anti-drinking. I used to drink on a weekly basis, whereas now it's on special occasions only. Idk, so many things about it just don't appeal to me anymore; the emotional and relational problems...the trauma drunk behavior can bring, the wake-up headaches that make your head feel split in half, the vast amount of car accidents and fatalities inebriation causes, the numbing of your emotions (for better or worse), the amount of weight it makes you gain, the number of people who feel they cannot have fun without it."
"To me it's legitimately tragic just how much society encourages us, whether culturally or economically, to drink. I would argue cigarettes in the same vain, however I think society has generally embraced the anti-cigarettes mantra much more in recent years, though it's still bad."
Sure there are plenty of things in life that are cool and sexy. We can't help but b e drawn to certain things that we think are hip or will make us look better in the eyes of the world. Sometimes it's okay to indulge in what's trendy but we really need to take a step back and look at the things and the people we are putting on a pedestal. More often than not we're caught up in the fantasy and the real life effect is toxic.
Redditor u/uh_vika wanted everyone to get smart about a few things in life by asking.... What is something people need to stop romanticizing?