Although romantic relationships are wonderful, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows. Relationships are hard. Every couple has issues.
Sometimes, you can work through these issues, but other times, they are relationship enders.
Redditors have identified the exact moment in which a relationship ended, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor HM333XOXO asked:
“What made you realize the relationship was over?"
What's The Point?
"When the things they did didn’t make me mad anymore. I just didn’t care. At all. So it was easy to walk away."
– claire0
"The opposit of love is not hate, but indifference"
– ZeroTwo81
"This is exactly what happened with the last long term relationship I was in before I met my wife. It took about an hour for me to go from thinking I was in love to realizing I didn't love her, I didn't hate her, I just didn't care so what was the point. The only break up I ever had where I felt nothing afterwards....no sorrow, no guilt, no relief, no freedom...just over"
– YouGuysKilledIt
Finally Free
"When my ex would state 10 seconds into every argument (which became more frequent) that "maybe we don't belong together.""
"I think it was her way of guilting me into ending the argument and switching to comforting/assuring her, but one time she said it and I was just like "well, maybe you're right""
"I knew right then that we were done, there was no walking that back, and I felt so much relief."
– EarlSandwich0045
"Dude, I’m sorry, I had that too. I remember my ex would always say “if you think you deserve someone better, you can leave”. She had a lot of trauma in her childhood, and so I always tried to take it as a defense mechanism, so I would reassure her that I didn’t want to break up, but I want to talk about things that were bothering me (mainly that she wasn’t very affectionate and never expressed her feelings, so I always felt like we were just friends) and some other issues. Anyway, I finally broke up with her one time after she said it, and there was just no fight and that was it. It’s been almost a year and I still feel like the whole relationship was a brain f*ck lol."
– OceanDevotion
Totally Callous
"When I woke up three days post surgery — there had been a cancer scare and complications — I whispered to my husband. “Could you get me some ice chips?” Mind you, I had not been out of bed or eating/drinking, much less awake. He said, stone-faced, “get them yourself.” Not at that moment, but when I processed it later, I knew I could not grow old and be vulnerable with him. Years later, his excuse was that he had just been on the phone with his mother."
– Magoo1963
Misery Loves Company
"I won an all expenses paid trip for two to the Superbowl courtesy of Budweiser. Had a bunch of extras given, vip tickets to concerts happening the days leading to the Superbowl, a superbowl experience trip, was supposed to go golfing, vip tickets to the pre-show and game tickets in a section with unlimited free booze. Then husband was a total a**hole the entire time. Refused to do any of the included activities. Only wanted to find craft beer bars to hang out in."
"At one point got sh*t-faced and wondered around the hotel in a bathrobe yelling at random people while the head of the Budweiser distributor in my town is sitting down trying to recruit me for a job. The morning of the Superbowl he decides he doesn't want to go and wants to sell the tickets instead. So I sell the tickets and hand him $14k from the sale of the tickets. (Have an interesting story about who bought them). It was that moment I understood that this person was miserable and there was nothing in the world that could ever make them happy, and I needed to get the f*ck out."
– deevee234
Not Me Anymore
"When I realized I did not like the person I had become in the relationship."
– yggdrasil_shade
"Same. I was terrified when I realised I slowly turn into his mother. Harsh, demanding, ordering him what to do, yelling if he didn't do something important after I asked and reminded 100 times etc. because when I'm being myself (nonchalant, calm, joking about stuff) he didn't lift a finger to do anything."
"Was making tea and spilled it on a counter? Unless I saw it and said "Go take a rag and wipe it" he wouldn't do it. Like, I legit tried not to tell him anything to find how long it'll take him no notice. Date plans? Only when I find a place and tell him we're going there, otherwise the only option was to hang out at his place, cook something together (if I find a recipe, write down a list of ingredients and we both go shopping) or watch a movie (if I decide what to watch)."
"Broke up because I know there are women who love this kind of dynamic, but it sure ain't me."
– aoi4eg
Disregard For Human Life
"When she told me to stop trying to control her for asking her to stop drinking and driving"
"She had a car accident a few hours later and almost died"
"I don't care if you're irresponsible with your own life but when you drink and drive you put others at risk and the fact a 24 year old had to be told not to do that was shocking"
– Iperovic
Good Advice
"An excellent counselor told me, "Do you know what's worse than coming home to an empty house? Coming home to a house that's more empty because of the person waiting there.""
– Grattytood
Girlfriends
"When I found out he was already in a relationship with a different girl before he even met me, yet still approached me and started a relationship with me. And continued to date her. While dating me. The entire time we were together."
– FigLow4974
It's All About The Compatability
"When she started getting into astrology, started treating me completely different because of my star sign."
– Waste_Stick_7134
Different Futures
"When I realized I was the only one planning our future and he was just there riding along with whatever I came up with. It felt very lonely and exhausting. I wanted a life partner that could help lead the way and carry the load with me."
– hello_enya
"This is a huge issue with relationships. He probably had much different ideas for the future he wanted. Telling you would probably end the relationship so he just played the delay game stretching out the time with you doing what he wanted as long as possible."
"Kind of why me and my ex broke up. She had the same exact issue with me that you had with your ex. Truth is she wasn’t interested in what I wanted in the future at all. Our passions are completely different and I will never give up who I am to please someone else. She’s an indoors, shopping, going out to eat, not active person. I love the outdoors, I love the ocean, I love snowboarding, skating, playing sports, fishing, camping, bonfires on the beach, camping out on the beach. She would come fishing with me occasionally and want to leave 30 minutes in because she was bored. Took me a while to realize that I was always doing things for her because I cared about her but she wouldn’t do those same things for me. She would call me a narcissist all the time. Projection? It sounds like I’m tooling on her but I still care a lot about her."
– BrokedownAlice69
No Empathy
"The doctor says, “I think you have stomach cancer. I want to scope your stomach at 5:00 am.” I was terrified. I just went home and sat stunned on the couch with the dogs for hours until she got home from work."
"She gets home. I ask her to sit down. I tell her what the doctor said. I tell her that I’ll need her to take off work the next day because i won’t be able to drive afterwards and I need her to drive me."
"“But I don’t want to miss work,” she says."
"That’s the exact moment I knew our marriage was over."
– TheMadIrishman327
Completely Done
"I hated hearing her car pull in the driveway when she got off work."
– TrickBoom414
Ouch, that's hard!
We applaud these folks for taking their leave and hopefully finding someone who does meet their needs.
Do you have anything that was the proverbial final nail in the coffin? Let us know in the comments below.
Those seeking relationships hope to find someone who is kind, has mutual interests, and can ignite passion.
Because no one wants to date someone and find themselves being a parent in a romantic relationship.
"What are signs a guy hasn’t matured?"
When interacting with others, immature men may be prone to doing the following.
Now, Hear This
"If he doesn’t listen to who he is talking to."
– Cookieej23
The Hypocrite
"blatant disregard for others while saying others are inconsiderate."
– EmptyVessel39
Dismissive
"Shrugs, says 'my bad' and makes the same mistake again."
– snowballyyc
Tantrum
"Has a meltdown when asked to do basic chores because he 'doesn't like doing them' and then threatens to move out because of this. Like, please do, you child."
"Edit: all housemates came together and cried it out, there was a lot going on behind the scenes I didn't know about. I'm glad I came here to rant instead of saying anything I'd regret. Happy New year folks :)"
– lala_loves_corn
Man Child
"Honestly, when he acts like a toddler."
"Do small inconveniences make him throw a temper tantrum? Does he punch walls and hit stuff? Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way?"
"If you can imagine him as a toddler, he’s a weenie and needs to grow up."
– Burrito_Loyalist
Why He's An Ex
"I knew my ex hadn't matured when I told him I thought we should try saving money to move into a better apartment. I said I was going to cancel my gym membership, shop for cheaper groceries, take my lunch to work instead of buying my food, and reduce our Netflix account to 1 screen instead of 2."
"I suggested he maybe choose a gaming membership to cancel (he had 3), bring his lunch to work, and maybe come up with a drink rotation when him and his friends got together instead of him always buying the drinks. He got angry and said I was a kill-joy and that there was nothing wrong with our apartment."
"Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. The stove routinely caught fire. There was a significant roach problem."
"And the apartment downstairs was broken into multiple times. I had found a really nice split home for $80 more per month in a quieter part of town and it was being privately let by a very nice older woman who moved out when her husband went into a care home."
"I knew then that he would never grow up if he couldn't make those small sacrifices."
– Zoo_In_The_Bathtub
Keep It In Your Pants
"Brags about his bed count/dick size/sexual prowess... Public or private settings, I don't think it matters, it's tacky af and 99% of the time is bullsh*t. If you actually do have a nine inch dick, short of you pulling it out and slapping it on the table for all to see, no one is going to believe you so just keep it to yourself and whoever is in your bed."
– Instant-Noods
If you can't apologize or are willing to have an honest discussion, you are the problem.
Taking Responsibility
"A sign that anyone hasn't matured is not being willing to apologize when they realize that they made a mistake and caused damage especially to someone else's emotions."
"EDIT: I should add this because I think I'm not being fully understood here. If you did something wrong, know that you did something wrong, don't feel remorseful and are not acknowledging what you did and whatever consequences your actions caused, are getting angry with whoever points out the obvious mistake you made, are making false excuses and arguments or blaming the victim, you are immature."
"If you genuinely didn't do anything wrong then you have nothing to apologize for."
– Goddess-Ylvia
The Right Phrasing
"There's also a huge difference between 'I'm sorry you feel that way' and 'I'm sorry about how I made you feel.'"
– micoxafloppin1
Evasive Isn't Cool
"Stonewalling and refusing to have a mature conversation about problems in the relationship."
– Hello891011
Silence Speaks A Thousand Words
"Going silent in an argument. Mostly intentional, such as silent treatment. However people can also unintentionally go silent as an automatic coping mechanism against their own emotions. That could lead to something called pursuer-distancer dynamic, which is extremely common and I guess pretty normal although painful."
– Kakofoni
Wrong Response
"If they get offended when you communicate how you want them to please you."
– Noodlesandwings
Some say the ability to look inward is something that is a mark of true character.
Taking A Deep Look
"Inability to self reflect in a meaningful way."
– Anticrepuscular_Ray
Interpreting What Others Think
"I think the best I ever did was sit alone in my room and actually question why I think the way I do about the world and the people in it."
"I always thought people assumed the worst in me, and that’s why treated me like I was an a**hole. Turns out I was just preemptively being an a**hole as a defense mechanism to not get hurt or tricked by people. My family is a bucket of crabs unable to ever figure out how to properly treat people with respect. all their jokes to me were constant personal attacks, so I guess I learned somewhere along the line that you apparently just roast the sh*t out of people for any little thing they do."
"So in short, I thought about why I felt like people thought the worst of me, and it’s because I thought the worst of me and showed it to them. So I decided I would treat people how I want to be treated, not how I thought I should be treated."
"So I guess that’s an example of self reflection."
– perpetualstudent101
Good Personal Growth
"You are already self reflecting when you think this applies to you. Thinking about what you think and the things you do, and why you think and do them, and how they affect other people, is self refecting. It's actually a very interesting thing to do and it helps you grow as a person."
– squirrelfoot
Work In Progress
"Tap into your empathy and have a genuine focus on understanding none of us are finished products and we should never stop trying to improve ourselves and as a direct consequence how we treat those around us."
"The main lesson I've learnt in life is pride for prides sake is absolutely destructive to that. Learn to apologise and mean it, take the 'damage to pride' on the chin, it makes you a stronger person."
– Wilfko
No wants to be around a mess.
Untidy
"Doesn’t clean up after himself."
– macaronsforeveryone
Personal Maid
"I'll do you one better; doesn't clean up after himself and has his gf clean up for him. Used to hang out with a guy like that back in the day and steered clear of his room."
– Doggo6893
Bad Expectations
"As an add-on, doesn't know how to do household chores. I think it's imperative that every mature person know how to at least cook a simple meal, clean up and wash clothes. Not too long ago men expected 'the wife' to do all that but I think it's important to share the chores."
– googdude
Based on the comments provided by the Redditors above, people should take note of the characteristics of men they would like to avoid.
And for those men, or even women, who feel uncomfortable with the red flag examples, it may be because they may have some growing up to do themselves.
But overall, a good rule of thumb is: tantrums aren't sexy.
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When we think about cheating in relationships, it often feels like an open and shut case: the cheater was heartless, selfish, and nothing but a villain.
And while we still may come to that conclusion in the end, it can be worth hearing the finer details of the situation.
Perhaps those dynamics can help us to understand the warning signs of wandering eyes and possible infidelity when our own situation becomes less than ideal.
It's never the right move, but there are multiple reasons why it happens. A recent Reddit thread explored those, for better or worse.
Redditor Romantic_Sandals asked:
"People who cheated on their SO, why did you do it?"
Many people confessed to have been cheaters for reasons that were entirely selfish. They used the thread as a space to express their guilt and their desire to change.
Young and Dumb
"In high school I did. At the time, I was 17 and I was just starting to have a lot of girls notice me so it went to my head, and I ended up getting a side chick. After three months of having the side chick and my girlfriend at the time, the guilt was too much and I ended up tell my girlfriend the truth and then left."
"The side chick became my next girlfriend, and we spent about another year together before I left her too for legitimate relationship reason. The fallout and heart ache from all those decisions from that ordeal has made me swear to myself and god that I'd never do that again."
Keep Going
"Because I was a narcissist insecure a**hole. I'm in treatment now. It's a bit late for me but better late than never. Almost 50."
-- netgirljimi
Communicate!
"Cuz I was a fu**in idiot and I chose to listen to someone that I thought I could trust instead of asking my girl if she was cheating on me.😞"
Rationalizing
"I was 18, undiagnosed bipolar, and hypomanic. I didn't take the relationship very seriously at all, and decided 'hey, if I break up with her right after I do it then I won't be such a bad person.' "
"Turns out I was still a shitty person. I never cheated again, never will. I'm madly in love with my partner and literally nothing could distract me from that."
-- grae23
A Smattering of Factors
"Drugs, miscommunication, lust, and then after, post nut clarity is a bi***. The guilt will eat you alive. You don't know why you do it really, other than animal instinct. But then you hate yourself after it"
Caught Up In It
"I was a serial cheater from my teens to my early 20s. To me it was all for the thrill and ego boost. It was fun and exciting doing something I knew I wasnt supposed to especially with a new sexual partner."
"It bloated my ego to astronomical proportions. I remember feeling like some type of rockstar because I had 'h*e's.' I even challenged myself to see how many girls I could sleep with in a single day. Thankfully I matured and realized what an a**hole I had been. It's been 8 years since I last cheated."
Others discussed the flaws of the relationship they turned their back on. There are often plenty of toxic elements that lead to one--or both--partners straying.
Mutual Departure
"We were drifting away from each other. We hadn't seen each other in a month. Just started college, meet the woman I would marry."
"We talked right after it happened, she said she had done the same thing a week prior, we were pretty much broken up at this point anyway. Mutual assured destruction I guess"
-- GearDarkness
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Tip of the Iceberg
"I thought at the time the only thing wrong in the relationship was just that the sex was bad."
"Afterward I realized a lot of what made the sex bad was lack of attraction and poor communication. Broke up with her and never cheated again."
-- rezuler
Know When to Fold Em
"She was very emotionally abusive and manipulative and I used attention from other women as an escape from that and to help my self esteem. I should have just gotten out of the relationship."
-- SinterClauss
One Who Would Listen
"I was married to a self-centered man/child who saw me as his bang/maid. I put up with it for years and tried to improve the marriage with couples counseling, so many different therapies for couples counseling til I found one he was listening to. I tried and tried, and was the only one putting in any work."
"I had to go onto antidepressants. When this happens you need someone to 'spot' you as the doctors told me that antidepressants increase the chance of suicide. My husband couldn't even be bothered to do that. He couldn't check in on his wife, living in the same house, caring for his children in case she was suicidal."
"The only person willing to do that was a close friend of both of us who actually cared. He would regularly talk with me through my stuff with my family while we gamed. He was my sanity. He was the dear sweet man who I have lived with now for longer then the marriage relationship. He is a wonderful caring human who treats me as an equal."
-- coldandwet
A Key Element of Any Relationship
"He has no interest in sexual contact with me. I'd have to beg and chide for anything once a year. At a certain point, it just became too much work."
-- sjd2109
Hurt People Hurt People
"He was controlling, I needed therapy, I wanted to regain control of myself so I cheated. Multiple times. With multiple guys. He never found out but it eats away at me. I had been cheated on in the past so I never thought I'd do the same to someone else. But I did."
"I am in therapy now, and haven't been in a relationship for at least two years. I won't be until I feel I can choose a good partner and be a good partner."
Finding What They Needed
"Because it made me feel like someone actually wanted me and I could be myself without worrying about criticism."
"I still love my wife but she has control and anger issues that I didn't realize when we got married. Being one of those always right kind of people she can be hard to talk to and isn't receptive to the idea of counseling. That doesn't excuse my own actions but there it is."
-- Goodstapo
Fleeing
"I tried breaking up with an abusive ex but he essentially said "no" but I was at college after this first attempt. Made out w a lot of people never full sent anything, even tho I considered myself single my ex was still trying to make something of it."
"He used to beat me and constantly mentally abuse me and gaslight me, so I honestly had no remorse for what I did. If he found out now even years and an apology for his past actions later, I'd still be afraid he'd come to hurt me."
-- AnnaMak
A Messy Process
"I don't need to go into the whole story because I'm lazy, so TL;DR my girlfriend cheated on me because she was a dumb 19 year old, so I went and drove 2 hours to sleep with an ex that my girlfriend specifically hated for some reason out of spite, because I was an even stupider 19 year old."
"We worked through our issues and are going on 9 years of marriage this year with our 2nd kid on the way."
-- PartTimePOG
Hot Take
"Thought I was gay. Had to be sure before I broke things off with my wife. Turns out I wasn't."
"Never told her, never will. I regret nothing."
-- jandr08
Let's be clear: none of this condones cheating. Rather, we hope an understanding of these warning signs leads to far less of it.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Some of our possessions are no-brainer, have to have them, best things in the universe. Others are total beaters, through and through liabilities, that should have been trashed years ago.
But what about those possessions that fall right in between?
These are the things we love as much as we hate. Like some people or places in our lives, these objects and us have a love/hate relationship--and, surprisingly, almost as much baggage as the human version includes.
Some Redditors sat down and shared their best examples of these kinds of possessions.
lliorca336 asked, "What do you have a love / hate relationship with?"
Some set their sights on the elephant in the room. They described their excitement as well as all the issues that come with the expansive, unbelievably powerful internet.
The Whole Dang Thing
"The internet." -- LM1120
"Yup. On one side, it can really help people who feel alone. However, it can also breed toxicity." -- RHCube
"Back down it was as simple as don't use it but thats not really possible anymore" -- Derpsterio29
Even More Whole
"Technology in general."
"On the one hand, it's nice that I was able to deposit a check just now while sitting down on my bedroom. On the other, screw anyone who has the audacity to call me and greet me with a robot."
Horrifyingly Convenient
"I have it with none other than 'Google.' "
"I hate it when Google tracks my every move. I even feel scared sometimes. Like just the other day, I was watching 'Padmavat' on Amazon Prime. It wasn't even my account, but my husband's. We had to stop in the middle due to something."
"And as soon as I opened my Gmail next, the very first email on the top was a 'Spam' email asking me if I missed out on watching 'Padmawat?' Really Scary!"
"And then, I love it when it takes me down the memory lane. Like just today, my Google Photos app asked me if I would like to see where I was on this day in 2010? I thought why not. Turns out, I was at my friend's wedding. Which reminded me, 'Oh! It's her anniversary today!' "
"I simply sent one of her gorgeous pics wishing her happy anniversary. We had a long chat, after which I sent over all of the pics from that day. She was really happy to re-visit them and tagged them as the best anniversary gift!"
-- toxasagt
Others chose to discuss those necessities of day-to-day life that they've actually come to love completing over and over.
But that doesn't mean they don't get annoying all the time too.
Procrastinating
"Showers."
"That weird thing where I'll waste time before entering the shower because it feels like such a chore that takes a long time, I'm gonna need 5 h to dry my hair afterwards etc., but then when I'm in the shower i never wanna get out."
-- Victoria749
Cruising, Until Your Not
"Driving is my biggest love/ hate relationship. I absolutely love the feel of driving when there's a small amount/ no traffic and the feel of being able to go wherever you want in your country is so freeing. Start/stop traffic, car maintenance costs, insurance, monthly payments, terrible roads, the possibility of an accident, driving through new places without clear signage etc..."
"Man, driving at its best is one of my favourite things in life but at its worst I wonder why I ever got my license and look toward busses with jealousy."
-- LTPfiredemon
It Will Never End
"Cooking. I hate the necessity of having to prepare food and the process itself, but I usually like the result, and if I cook for other people, I get many compliments for how it's good."
"You know, when I hate to do that, then at least it gotta be tasty."
-- Ziriath
Others spoke about the luxuries in life. It almost feels absurd to complain about such wonderful, unnecessary possessions.
And yet, they are luxuries with a slight catch.
The Nut Barrier
"Chocolate."
"Probably my biggest trigger to ruin my diet. Doesn't even have to be good chocolate. Doesn't even have to be mediocre chocolate (by American standards). I'm talking about, like Palmer's Double Crisp super-cheap, probably-not-even-actually-chocolate Chocolate."
"My only saving grace is that I'm allergic to peanuts, and a lot of the really really cheap chocolate has peanuts/peanut butter in it, so it's no longer a temptation."
More and More
"Having a home gym:"
"Love: Not having to go far and not having to deal with other ppl and their bs."
"Hate: Everything you want is much more expensive than you expect... and you keep wanting more"
Another Take on Tech
"Modern technology. For every way it makes our lives easier, there's at least five ways it makes things harder."
"But overall, it's generally worth it... if you can get the stuff to finally work, which might take you all day."
-- Arekai4098
So the next time you find yourself out of wits in frustration, only to come back to that same object or task the very next day, don't feel so alone.
Everyone out here is emotionally confused about their inanimate objects and abstract concepts.
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For the person deep in the throes of a toxic relationship, that familiarity of all that discomfort can be seductive. Simply put, we choose to stay in the horror we know, rather than pursue the unknown path away from the pain.
But sometimes there's a shift, a snap of sorts.
Whether it's an abusive act, an important conversation with a friend or trusted therapist, or just some epiphany that strikes like a bolt, a single moment can turn the tide and finally push us out of the loveless pairing.
Some Redditors took a moment to share the times they finally pulled themselves out of something that was hurting them.
A warning that a few of these stories contain discussions of physical and emotional abuse.
Minecraft_Stoner asked:
"People who have been on the receiving end of a toxic relationship, how did you find the courage to leave?"
For some, the time to change struck them after a long, erosive process. As the time wore on and on, and their spirits never lifted, they finally made the move to get out.
These anecdotes illustrated that, many times, there are no tricks to this. Only the right circumstances where you feel ready to leap.
No More Wasting
"I just thought about how I didn't wanna keep wasting my time being unhappy. You love them so you want to stick by them and give em chances, but there's a point where enough is enough and you have to value your happiness and peace of mind."
"I knew leaving would be hard to do, but staying in a toxic situation is a lot harder. You have to realize your worth and sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to see it."
-- blowpops13
Straw that Broke the Camel's Back
"8 year relationship. Not abusive, but definitely toxic due to several instances of catching him lying, messaging other women, manipulating my emotions after I'd confront him, gaslighting, etc."
"Year 7 I decided to focus more on myself, increasing my self confidence, advancing my own career/education. The next time one of those situations occurred, I felt good enough about myself and my position to leave him."
-- sophlog
A Sudden Break
"I never did find the courage, just anger."
"Over time the feelings of fear, sadness, and that desperate desire to just make everything okay and happy turned into resentment, contempt, disgust, and anger. I found him repulsive. Just the thought of him touching me made my skin crawl."
"One day he started in on his sh** and I guess the scales finally tipped. I didn't plan it, it just happened. The love was long gone, but now there wasn't even an ounce of affection or caring left. All I felt was hate and rage."
"I remember telling him we were done and to get the fu** out, I remember the look of surprise on his face, and I remember the hate that I felt, but that's about it. Mostly I remember the hate."
"Honestly I hope I never feel that way again, because I scared myself way more than he ever did. I was just barely in control and I think if there'd been any indication that he was about to get physical (and I'm surprised it didn't go that way) I would've ended up in a blind rage and either gotten myself hurt/killed or done something awful."
"Took me years of therapy to sort myself out after that one."
The Days of Disappearing
"I just sort of had an epiphany where I realized I look forward to my alone time, and dread time with her. She liked to throw around crap like 'If you really loved me you'd ____' to get me to pay for everything, or 'If you leave I'll just kill myself.' And suddenly I found myself thinking...good. Fu**ing do it. Please."
"And one day while she was out I packed up all my crap and left. I put most of my stuff in a storage unit and lived out of my car/tent for a month while I saved up for my own place. This was before everyone had cell phones and there was no social media so by just disappearing like that she couldn't do jack."
-- m31td0wn
Simply Unsustainable
"Noticed how draining it was & how dangerous even a slight mistake would be before everything explodes again."
"Tired of walking on egg shells. Tired of having to be interested & part of every interest of hers. Tired of not having opinions lest they be the wrong ones."
"Found myself preparing for & thinking, 'what if I slipped up,' since I was physically exhausted - then realized if that would be all it would take for world war 3, it isn't really worth the time & effort."
"By then, I didn't enjoy the relationship. If it was so simple to kick off another fight, it was gonna kick off no matter what I did or didn't do anyway."
"I figured it was gonna be painful, but rather than 'live in fear,' sheer exhaustion drove me to bite the bullet & break up."
"To be fair, the explosion & fury followed, but it wasn't my 'job' to care anymore. Got more important things to do than walk on eggshells & be smothered simultaneously."
A Professional Push
"Therapy. I had to hold myself accountable to someone else, and speak of my own behaviors and dependencies in order to finally end them."
"I was very good at hiding the fact that I was seeing this toxic person from my family and friends, all the while pretending to myself that having the toxic person was worth all of the pain."
"Actually, on World Mental Health Day, I made a choice to be unavailable to the toxic person for the first time in a few years, and that one decision changed the whole course of things. I eventually sat them down and explained that our story had come to an end...walked away that day and blocked them on everything."
"Two months later, I started dating the love of my life."
"Sometimes, you have to clear the road for the good things to arrive."
-- WhoIsYerWan
An Illuminating Trip
"I didn't even realize how toxic it was until she went away for a while, and I just felt like such a weight was lifted. I started meeting people, making friends, etc ... suddenly, I was a happy person, excited to wake up in the morning."
"So, I called her and told her I packed her shit up and she should come get it."
-- User1539
A Non-Collaborative Partnership
"My husband kept making financial decisions without me, and I decided I was done when he bought a $51,000 truck without mentioning it to me first. It feels good."
"The divorce papers get filed next week. Therapy helped me find the courage."
-- lismox42
For others, the decision to leave was extremely clear. After all, a history of physical abuse can make leaving extremely urgent, for the sake of safety and an obvious desire to avoid trauma.
Putting Their Foot Down
"She hit me pretty regularly, so I talked with my therapist about it to plan a way out. We came to the conclusion that saying 'you need to stop that or I'm leaving' would be the best thing. So, I did."
"She said 'I could ease up' and I said 'no, it needs to stop entirely. It's not playful. You punch me in the ribs forcefully and have said that you hope it bruises. That needs to stop entirely, or I will leave.' She didn't budge past her previous point, so I left."
"I regret none of it."
-- TheMerk10
No More Accepting
"When I was working out how to handle the next time he hit me, I realised that I was accepting the fact that there would be a next time."
"As soon as I could walk I packed up my kids and left."
-- ifmtobh
Calling in Backup
"After he threatened my life, I had my dad kick him out. I made sure not to talk to him at ALL afterwards. Blocked him on everything. I also got an Apple Watch for emergency reasons bc even though it's been like 6 years since we broke up he still mails letters to my parents house saying he's going to find me."
"Anyway, I was actually scared into leaving him, didn't necessarily take time to muster up courage or anything. It all happened very fast and was quite impulsive."
"The hardest part that took the most bravery was not actually talking to him or letting him call me to 'apologize.' Also it helps to have a good friend you can stay with or talk to for extra comfort and protection."
Can't Risk That
"He shoved me and I fell to the ground. That was after he dropped me onto a couch 'playfully.' "
"I knew it would be a matter of time before he hit me. And I was significantly smaller (5'1" 90lbs)."
"Happy to say I'm now happily married to someone wonderful."
-- greffedufois
A Tea Too Many
"I was in my early 20s, she hit me one day with a mug full of tea on my back reasonably hard and I twigged I was being abused/in a toxic relationship then."
"I went home, came back the next day and told her that was it. The courage was a simple light switch in my head, I just didn't realise everything was going dark."
"Good luck to everyone out there x"
-- GPisrad
For some, they never actually did make the bold decision to go through with the breakup. Instead, their partner actually did it on their own.
But the freedom felt after the end was sudden and palpable.
A Rush of Relief
"I didn't. Eventually she broke up with me. It was the most painful relief I've ever felt. I learned a lot, and now I know the signs."
"Would that I could've learned them another way."
-- treerain
It Only Takes a Couple Week to See
"He broke up with me and I cut him off completely. Gave him a month alone thinking that I would annoy him and he wouldn't want me back (dumb) then after about 2 weeks realized how much happier I actually was."
"Never went out of my way to contact him again. He, if course, flipped out and threw a year long hissy fit about it."
-- Diindiisii_
Time Helps
"I didn't. The toxic a**hole left me. What she did after that I appreciate to this day: she didn't cut me off but she never contacted me first."
"Eventually I got her out of my system and I rarely think about her now."
Pushed Away
"She started seeing the guy she was cheating on me with, and I got forced out. She didn't formally break up with me, just basically let me know she had been cheating on me, again, and that she was seeing him now."
"She threatened to leave me a couple of times before then, but I begged her to stay because she had engrained in my mind that I couldn't live without her, rather than using it as an out. She left me no choice in the end"
To all those out there struggling in something that they feel might be toxic or hurting them in some way, know that it's okay to be confused, it's okay to not know if you're right about how good or bad things are.
But, if it's possible, tell someone. Get out of the echo chamber.
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