Relationships are hard, and sometimes, they're confusing. When you're having a problem with your partner, or you're inexperienced and looking for lessons, you turn to your friends and family for advice.
Sometimes, the advice is sound and helps make things better.
Other times, the advice is trash and makes everything worse.
Redditors know this all too well, and are sharing the worst relationship advice they've ever gotten.
It all started when Redditor Spectrelegit asked:
"What is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard?"
Loyal As A Dog
"Any "loyalty tests". Always a bad idea."
– thedawntreader85
"Heard a youtube therapist once say that as soon as you decide to do a loyalty test, you've already decided the relationship is over because either they fail and you can't trust them, or they pass and you show them that you don't trust them and they stop being able to trust you"
– ParkityParkPark
Choose
"Ultimatums fall under a similar category."
– GarbageTheClown
"If this is a current situation it sounds pretty toxic, and if you are unhappy I hope you get the support you need to make any changes."
– countzeroinc
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
"Spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring. This was literally started by the rich diamond families to increase sales."
– Samisoy001
"My girl literally threw a jewelry store book at me with the ring she wanted circled and happily said there was a coupon lol. It was like $80 but it's the one she wanted. We've been together for almost 10 years and happily married for nearly 3 now"
– shumi19
"Yeah it's ridiculous, there's lab created gems that are basically the same and a fraction of the cost."
– YouJabroni44
"I’ve said this to friends and family several times when they’ve asked me while stressing about picking out expensive rings:"
"if the ring is the problem, then the ring is not the problem."
– DamonHay
Not The Way To Go
"There was a Reddit post about a guy who told his partner that she stunk several times a day. Poor girl was horrified. It got to the point that she was showering incessantly, using industrial strength deodorants and he still complained non-stop."
"Paraphrasing here, but when finally confronted, it turns out his father had given him this sound advice: “Tell a women she smells bad, and she’ll never leave you.”"
"Daddy was wrong."
– UnderstandingEmpty21
Anything Doesn't Go
"That you only truly care if you're "ride or die.""
"An ex once told me that she thought if she pushed me far enough that I'd leave. I told her "Yes, I would leave. Why would I want to be with someone who thought so little of me that they'd push me far enough?""
"I had put up with a lot of abusive behaviour from her and it didn't last much longer before she tested my statement and I did exactly what I said."
– FancyMFMoses
"Totally!! And that you should love your partner “unconditionally” ie any behaviour goes. Nope"
– Rare-Republic-1011
Maybe Not The Right Person To Ask
"A friend of mine once prefaced some unsolicited advice about my 10-year marriage with the phrase, "I've been in dozens of relationships..." and then he went on to rant about how men shouldn't do the grocery shopping or something stupid like that."
– Odd-Sink-9098
"Right, we had a three times divorced friend who loved to give relationship advice. Most of it was BS."
– JanuarySoCold
"The Children" Need A Good Example
"Stay together for the kids."
"I was the child. Please don’t."
– ArtisticPolarBear23
"I was also the child. Your children know when you don’t love each other, when you’re fighting all the time because you decided to stay with someone you can barely tolerate. They will live with that knowledge and grow up with a warped perception of love and relationships because they were never given a proper example."
"They will either become obsessive and do whatever they can to make someone stay, or they’ll develop a fear of commitment that will ruin every relationship before they even get the chance to try it. Divorce can be messy, especially when kids are involved, but sometimes the alternative can be far worse. If you decide to have kids, do right by them."
– imscaledandicy
Nobody's Perfect
"“There is a perfect person out there”"
"No. No there isn’t. There is no such thing. People change as they experience life. To believe someone will stay the same forever is silly. Pick someone who you can grow with and shares common values with you. Everyone has to make some compromises and that includes someone making them on you too."
– BallTipSizzler
Not A Great Justification
"Being married is like eating spaghetti every night for dinner. No matter what sauce you put on it, it's still spaghetti. Sometimes a man needs to eat some steak once in a while."
"That was from my dad while trying to justify cheating on my mom."
– Feelin_Dead
Look Good For You
"My (very attractive but very unhappy in her own marriage mother) tried to make me believe that the secret of a successful marriage is to look desirable at every hour of the day and night . Make up, clothes, perfume… anything to keep the husband interested. Having a personality is nice but not necessary."
– ComplexPrinciple3636
"I feel guilty of this, although I also feel like I can take the time to get ready all I want, he’s still going to admire someone else and probably in front of you. Just get ready for yourself if it makes you feel better. I have always hated to go out in public to run into anyone bareface, whether it’s an old friend, someone who picked on me in school, an old crush."
"Not sure where it came from me being this way but growing up my parents made fun of me when I’d have no make up on. If I got bad grades or did something that upset them they’d take it away and give it back saying “I need it.” Then other days tell me I wear too much of it, like high school wasn’t enough already. I could never win."
– 1lilhedgehog
"I know several people who believe this and it’s sad"
– Arra13375
Don't Be Who You Are
"When I was a teenager, my mom told me to not let boys see I was smart because no man is attracted to a woman whose smarter than he is. Also, I should work on my laugh because no one would be attracted to my laugh."
– Educational_Use_9980
"Being smart and passionate about your interests is the most attractive thing ever"
– DogShampoop
Tell Me I'm Right
"Most people that come to you for relationship advice don’t want to advice they want you to validate the terrible decision they are about to make."
– IBdunKI
"I think your statement applies to advice in general. A lot of people to want to actually change or put in effort, they just want validation for their choices."
– BusinessBear53
Yeah, that tracks.
We cannot believe some folks are dishing out such advice!
Has anyone every told you something truly crazy to keep a relationship propped up? Let us know in the comments.
People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Thing They've Done To Get Their Crush's Attention
Money is my favorite motivator!
Love is a powerful feeling and one of the most powerful behavioral motivators. It is the one emotion that leaves you with no rhyme or reason. You will find yourself doing incredible things that you would have never thought you were capable of, and most of those things will be stupid or embarrassing. Once we find ourselves smitten with another person, the brain stops working and the heart goes full speed ahead. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes.... well at least you can say you tried.
Redditor u/fuqmook wanted everyone to admit... What is the most cringe worthy thing you have done to get a crush's attention?
Girl Confronts Her BF About Secretly Logging Into Her Snapchat--And She Came With Receipts
We have all been there. Had that thought in the back of our mind. You know the passcode, so it'd be easy right? Just to confirm your suspicions or set your mind at ease. But you resist because it would violate your loved one's trust and not to mention the terms of service agreement. But that's exactly what happened to Redditor u/bruisedidmein1234.
I (20F) think my boyfriend (20M) may have been signing in to my social media accounts for more than a year.
I have been dating my boyfriend (20m) since September 2017, but we have been seeing each other since June 2016. We are long distance (~6hrs apart by car) and see each other about once a month if we're lucky. We have had a lot of ups and downs, but ultimately we care about each other and just want each other to be our happiest and healthiest.
I posted earlier this week about an incident that happened this past weekend where an old friend of mine tried to kiss me. He was drunk and initially tried to kiss me on the mouth. I pulled away, and he again tried to kiss my neck, leaving a bruise (I bruise incredibly easily as I have very fair skin and poor circulation; the entire incident lasted no more than a few seconds). I did not expect or want this to happen, and I thought the friend in question knew I had a boyfriend (I actually thought he also had a girlfriend up until he kissed me, so it definitely caught me off guard). Once I firmly expressed to him I wasn't interested and had a boyfriend, he backed off, and the rest of the night went normally. I don't have any plans to hang out with this friend again. The next day, my boyfriend was already at work when I woke up, where he has limited access to this phone. I planned to facetime him and tell him when happened when he got off work, however, he noticed the bruise on my neck in a snapchat before I could tell him myself (I hadn't even noticed it was there because as I said it was no more than a few seconds and it didn't occur to me that there could even be a bruise there from so short a time). He called me when he finished work, and I explained what had happened, but by that point he had been stewing over it for over 5 hours, and was furious with me. I understand that I shouldn't have put myself in a position where someone thought I would be receptive to a kiss, but I also can't control other people's actions or the past, and I have been trying to earn his trust back since. However, he remains absolutely livid.
In other news, for the past few years, my snapchat account has signed me out constantly on my phone (forcing me to log back in to the account sometimes as frequently as multiple times a day). I submitted several maintenance requests to the app, and Monday they notified me that they had sent a customer service email to my spam email account (which I seldom use, and hadn't looked at in years). When I signed in to the account to view the email, I noticed several other emails from the app over the past year. Most notably, there were a series of emails from August 3-6, 2017 informing me that someone had connected to my account on those specific dates from a specific location in a neighboring country. My boyfriend and a few of our mutual friends happened to be on vacation in that exact place on those exact dates. We were not dating at that time. I have confirmed the dates of that trip with someone else who was there. Nobody else on that trip goes to college with my boyfriend, or within 75 miles of there.
Getting fearful, I went on the snapchat website and downloaded my data (which basically gives you all the data the company has stored about your account over a certain period). This data included the location history of where my account has been accessed for the last ~2 months, with each data point consisting of a date, time, latitude, and longitude of where the account was used. It revealed that dozens of times over the last two months (sometimes as often as multiple times in the same day), my account was accessed from where my boyfriend lives. These data points are very specific (3 decimal points), and correspond to directly over his house, various buildings on his campus, and other places in his college town that he frequents. They all are on dates that I was definitively in my own college town, 400 miles away. You can actually watch me and whomever "fight" for control of the account, with me signing in one hour, then it signing in from his town the next hour, and us going back and forth for a while. The data only goes back two months, but the emails and pattern of snapchat logging me out (which is their attempt at security, when you log in to an account on one device it force logs it out on all others) indicate that it has been going on with this level of regularity for over a year.
I confronted my boyfriend about this as soon as I found out. He was initially indignant, then horrified once I presented him with all the evidence. He empathically maintains that it isn't him doing it. He can't provide any other explanations, and his best guess is that he is being framed, although he has no idea by whom. He has said a few times that if I need to find an explanation, he'll let his reputation take the hit, because he loves me that much and hates to see how this is hurting me. He has now also shifted the conversation back to the incident from this weekend, and is saying that what point would he have to lie, because he thinks I fucked someone else anyways (which he had not told me before that he thought)?
This is an especially sensitive subject for me because two years ago, I was most likely hurt by a very close friend, but I have only been able to put together what happened after the fact based on other knowledge. Not having a clear answer or knowing for sure about what happened then absolutely tore me apart, and still f***s with me immensely. My boyfriend knows all this, and helped me through all the fallout of that. I don't want to believe he would lie to me after seeing how much not knowing what happened there destroyed me. Snapchat is my main method of communication for a lot of my friends, and I save all my direct messages on the app so that I can reference them later.
For over a year, someone has been going through my photos, my messages, seeing who I talk to, and watching me without my knowing, and I can't find any other explanations for all the info besides that it was my boyfriend. To not know what happened here will absolutely destroy me, and he knows this. I so desperately want to believe it's anything else, and I want to trust him (like I want him to trust that I didn't sleep with my friend), but I just can't find any answers.
My question is, does anyone have any other possible explanations for what could've happened besides the obvious? What should I do now? And how can I convince my boyfriend I didn't sleep with my friend without compromising my feelings here?
tl;dr: I found an overwhelming amount of evidence showing that my boyfriend of one year has been accessing my snapchat account from his phone since August 2017 (possibly earlier), he denies it's him and is now saying he believes I slept with someone else. What do I do?
Cut And Run
I can't imagine any other explanation. I would cut my losses and not give a damn whether he believes you or not - he's just deflecting and/or gaslighting you. This person has violated your privacy and your boundaries, and profoundly disrespected you. He doesn't deserve to be in your life a moment longer. I would also talk to a counsellor to help me process all of this in the aftermath. I'm so sorry he's done this to you.
But She Had Her Doubts He Could Do That To Her
Thanks for the response. I wish I could feel that way, and be so sure about it. It's just so hard to believe that the person I've trusted the most for this long has been doing something so fundamentally invasive and violating, for almost two years. And yet, I still care a lot about what he thinks of me. I care about my reputation, and I don't want people thinking I'm a cheater when that's not at all what happened.
But Doubt Really Began To Set In
I actually realized that another email from snapchat shows that someone from an IP address registered to his college signed in to my account in February of 2017 (7 months before we started dating). I didn't initially clock it because the town is my hometown, and I figured I had been home at the time, until I realized I was actually in another country for a conference on the date the email was sent. It seems like there's too much evidence for it to all be coincidence, huh?
Then Things Took A Dark Turn
Y'all were right, he did it. It was even crazier than I thought, but it's over now.
I posted a few days ago about finding an overwhelming amount of evidence that my boyfriend of 1 year had been signing into my snapchat account off his phone for over a year, yet when I confronted him about it, he claimed he was being framed. He also accused me of sleeping with a friend who made a move on me that past weekend. I asked here for any other possible explanations for what might've happened besides the obvious, and for advice on how to prove to him that I didn't have sex with that kid. Everyone here told me I was out of my mind to think it was anything else, and that it didn't matter what he thought of me, that he was violating my privacy, and that there were no other possibilities. I realized y'all were right, and I came up with a plan.
I met my boyfriend in a diner, and got there early and told the waitress what was about to go down. I then set my laptop up with all the evidence I had amassed, and waited for him to show up. When he got there, he was combative, and initially tried to accuse me of sleeping with that kid again, but I effectively took over the conversation pretty quickly, and set in to my speech. I took him through every piece of evidence that incriminated him (of which there is a Lot), asked him if he still thought that he was being framed, and he denied it a few more times. At that point, I told him that in our state, what was happening constitutes fourth degree felony stalking. There was too much evidence for it to all be technical glitches at this point, so either he was stalking me, or someone else was stalking the both of us. I told him this was his last chance to come clean to me, or if he still said it wasn't him, we were going to go get in my car, drive to the police station, and turn the case over to a detective, at which point it will be investigated, and whoever did it will be charged. I told him that once I turn it over to the police, however, it's out of my hands how it gets handled, and there will be consequences for whoever did it. He said that he wasn't going to the police station, and said again that he didn't do it. So, I stood up, put on my coat, and said we were going to see a detective and file a report right there because those were his only options left. He pulled me back down to the table, and finally, confessed. It was him.
It started two years ago, 7 months before we even started dating (we were casually involved at that point, and friends, but not dating or exclusive). He said it started because he wanted to know whether I liked him, and it (and I) became an obsession for him. He has checked it multiple times a day, every day, for our entire relationship, including when I was with him. He read all my messages (which I save through the app, as I use it as my main form of communication for a lot of friends), gone through my photos, and kept tabs on who I was talking to.
The conversation was terrifying. It was like I didn't know him. He was cold, cruel, and didn't seem even the smallest bit remorseful. He tried to blame it on me quite a few times, then blamed it on his 'trust issues,' then blamed it on himself being 'f**ked in the head.' It was so unbelievably out of character for him that I would've thought this was his crappy audition tape for an episode of SVU and said was a bad performance if I hadn't lived it myself. He also tried to manipulate me into not going to the police or any of our mutual friends, citing that he 'had nothing' in his life (except me, but I guess that didn't matter so much). He said that I could just move on from this, whereas he would have to 'live with this' for the rest of his life, which should already be punishment enough.
He then tried to tell me that I owed him not to tell anyone else, because I ruined his life when I gave him an STD (which I got when I was attacked by a former friend, which was easily cured, and which we discussed at length where he reassured me that it wasn't my fault). Oh, and he knew that I didn't sleep with that guy, because he read my conversation with him wherein he said "hey, I'm sorry about last night, I didn't know you had a boyfriend and I never would've tried to make a move on you if I had known." He just said that to try to make me defensive and so flustered about something else that I dropped my investigation into the snapchat thing. He even quoted my own conversations back at me. I made him sign a paper where he wrote out what he did, just in case he wants to go back on his word later. Then, I left.
So, it's over now. I've blocked him on everything (I actually cried when I blocked his number, sad as that is). All that's left is to move on. I'm debating on whether to tell our mutual friends or not, because honestly, I'm resentful that he tried to manipulate me into not doing so, and I don't feel like I owe him anything at this point. Anyways, thanks for all your help.
I went to bed last night and work today expecting to see a few responses, I mostly just updated because I hate when people don't update. Thank you so much to everyone for all the support.
I've taken the advice of most people here and told a few trusted friends. Their response has been kinda disappointing, sort of a boys will be boys mentality of "well now you know you're better apart than together, just give it time." I'm hoping they'll come around, I understand that it's really hard to reconcile such a psycho thing with someone you care about, and like I said this was so out of character for my ex. For now I am not going to go to the police, because I don't think I could handle that right now. I go to school 400 miles away from my hometown, I wouldn't be able to come back and forth often to deal with an investigation, and I just don't think I could deal with the emotional strain of having aggressive strangers tear my life the rest of the way apart. But I have changed all my passwords, done force logout where applicable, and saved all the evidence against my ex on a few different locations. My ex got my password because he saw me sign into something once when we were hanging out and remembered the password I used. Once he had it, he had it forever.
To all the people who called me out or had questions about the std (shoutout to the guy who said I belonged in prison), I'll tell the story. Mods, sorry if this violates rules? Over two years ago, I had only been with my ex (he's actually the only person I've ever been with). We weren't dating at the time, just casually hooking up. One night over a break home from school, I went to my former best friends house to catch up. I had two drinks and passed out, which I had thought I was just tired but now I suspect I was drugged. I slept on his couch that night, just the two of us. I woke up the next morning kinda sore but didn't really think anything of it, went home, and didn't think of it again. Two months later, another friend came to me and told me that she had fallen asleep at that friends house just days before I did, that he had spiked her drink, and she had woken up in the middle of the night to him having sex with her. She froze, left when he went back to sleep, went to the hospital, got a kit done, and tried to move on with her life. She never went to the police because this friend's family is very involved with the police in our area, and police response to $exu@l @ss@ult is a joke anyways. She told me because I was going to visit him and she wanted me to be safe. I tried to support her as best I could, and cut that friend off, but it didn't occur to me that anything could've happened to me. Months later, I came up positive for chlamydia on a routine std check by my obgyn. That's when I put all the facts together, and realized what happened (although I never got closure or a sure answer). I always used protection with my ex, but that doesn't guarantee anything. I didn't knowingly give him an std, or even know that I had it. Chlamydia is curable with a single antibiotic, and there were no lasting physical effects on either of our lives.
Anyways, thanks so much to everyone who expressed support, this has been an overwhelming and difficult time, and the reassurance from folks here has really made the difference on how I've been able to wrap my head around this. 💕
Thoughts all around?
Sound the Alarm...
That's insane :( please tell your friends. they deserve to know how creepy he is. i wish you all the best in your healing. please don't feel weird about crying, it's normal to hurt when you think you knew someone in spite of learning everything they did. take care. rosewhine
He also invaded their privacy when he read what they thought were conversations with only you, OP. Yourwtfismyftw
He cray girl!
I would consider filing a police report so that everything is on record in case his behavior continues. The fact that he showed no remorse with his overall demeanor change, makes me concerned that he could be a very scary person in the future if cornered or truly grasps that you are gone. This was a multi-year act of deception, these are not the actions of an entirely sane or morally upright person.
At the very least, please make sure some close people are aware of the extent of his deceptions. Keep your proof backed up online, on a USB stick, on paper. Cover yourself in all areas.
I would also do a complete wipe of your laptop after saving necessary stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some keylogger program on your computer, which tracks every key you press.
At the very least, I would go through all of your electronics with someone who is savvy to tech spying. I would also set up 2-factor Authentication wherever it's available.
I would consider talking with a therapist if you are starting to question or doubt yourself on how this could have happened.
I wish you the best in this upcoming transition. Please protect yourself and be very safe. I think you handled this in the perfect way, and it sounds like you've got a great head on your shoulders. Be prepared for full repentance and begging to be incoming. Stay strong. You've got this!!! ScionOfSekhmet
Go rent 'Fatal Attraction!'
100%. He explicitly described his "obsession," and the odds that this obsession will suddenly stop with a clean break when you dump him are incredible small. His stalking could get worse. If you file a police report now, it will save you major headaches down the road if he keeps stalking you, but it won't hurt anything if he doesn't. thisiswhyifeedmyshoe
He had no remorse and acted in a hostile manor. Even if you don't want to press charges right now, having a police report on file or a back up for the evidence is a good plan. Just in case something comes from it.
It may be hard to break up but just try to keep thinking, he did this not you. He crossed lines. He f**ked up not you. He is the one in the wrong, not you. You are protecting yourself and making a good decision to end the relationship.
I'd confided telling your mutual friends some of it, if not all the details at least the broad strokes so they can help you if needed. They may notice things you don't, see an aspect of his behavior that you don't. It's always good to have some people on your side. Immifish
No kidding around....
Wow that is terrifying. I WOULD tell your friends, because I think there's a very good chance that he will stalk or hack them to keep tabs on you. I would also make a police report. herp_derp_hag
Seriously, this guy may be trying to spin it like he's some put-upon victim but it's OP who has to deal with the ghost of this creepy, unnerving violation for the rest of her life. eastward1526
Happening too often...
This happened to me too. It ended in violence since he didn't know that I took martial arts in high school but I am still scared of what I might have had to do to stop him again. Especially if I had never came clean to everyone we knew about what had happened and why it ended in such a cluster f**k. Would anyone believe it was self defense if I didn't make noise? I started a paper trail and he magically disappeared from my life. Tofutits_Macgee
It's like a horror movie...
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. He's crazy. He's gaslighting you for shit he knows is f**ked up and crossing to many lines. You did great though. Tell your friends and go to the police. He's got serious problems. He read all your conversations with your friends, I think it's a good thing to let them know about that. HapppyMealFace
Dry them tears!
"As sad as that is."
Girl, nothing about you is sad in this story. You are a warrior bada**! It is okay to mourn the passing of a relationship, and mourn the fact that a person you cared about is not who you thought he was.
Focus on the fact that you stood your ground and backed yourself! Even when being gaslit (gaslighted?) Bravo!
I'm sorry that you went through that and hope that your future is filled with genuine people!
I agree with other posters. Tell your friends what happened. You owe this guy nothing. If nothing else, save the evidence and change your passwords. It may not be the last of this guy. Remember that you are strong, and you are right! cbackification
Listen Carefully....
Make a completely new email address on a computer/device that he would never have had access to; a school computer lab/library, device of friend/family he never came in any contact with (including online correspondence).
Once you have a new email with a new password that isn't something he will be able to easily figure out, change the email address for every single account you have AND change the passwords to those accounts as well... but only make the changes on a safe computer/device to avoid any possible software your ex make have installed (or had you or someone else unknowingly install).
As for a password, do not use dates, names, places that he would be familiar with. I usually do a short little sentence, with a random uppercase letter, at least two numbers and one symbols. For example, something like, "L1amasareF1uffy!" This way it makes it difficult to guess, because it is a weird random phrase that has nothing to do with anything related to your life (unless you have fluffy llamas...lol).
And of course, you need to have your devices and computers reformatted (or whatever the proper technical term is). If you don't know how to do that, you can consult a friend/family member...but it might even better to just contact professional or manufacturer FAQ for each device.
I also suggest making brand new social media accounts that are set to the highest private security settings immediately. Just because you blocked the accounts you know, doesn't mean he can't make new ones. And I wouldn't use your real name or any screen names he would be familiar with; or use your real picture for any account that may show it publicly.
I know this can be a pain in the butt, but making sure he doesn't know where you are or what you are doing on a daily basis is for the best.
Also, since he likely knows your friends social accounts, and could possible have access to those as well, make sure anyone he met or corresponded with knows to change their password, just in case.
I may sound paranoid. And I likely am a little bit. I have some experience with this sort of thing, and it is amazing the depths people will go through to gain access to information about you. I had to make sure family and friends stopped tagging me and posting pictures of me, as well as make their privacy settings stronger. It became just easier to get off social media for awhile, and then return slowly under an anonymous account, adding only friends and family who were willing to follow the necessary rules for my safety... and it sucks to ask people to have to follow them. Not only does this effect your life, but others close to you.
Hopefully your ex will leave you alone, especially if you do decide to go to the police. While I agree you should for your own safety, I completely understand not wanting to.
Also, none of this was fault, in anyway. Even if he hadn't violated your trust and safety by stalking your social media, from just the few sentences you said explaining things, he was WAY out of line and red flags were waving brightly all over.
u/bruisedidmein1234, I honestly hope you are able to see a therapist to process this situation, and the other situation you alluded to. There isn't anything wrong with YOU. Processing what happened will help your brain get through everything, make sense of it, and help you move past it in healthy way. iputmytrustinyou
Woman's BF Wins Lottery And Wants To Help His Ex-Girlfriend, And Current GF Worries What It May Stir Up
Redditor u/FarRush1 has a quandry. Money always leads to trouble if you're not careful. It can cause issues you've never even dreamed of. For instance.... My [24F] boyfriend [26M] won a lot of money, wants to help his ex.
A Woman Asks For Advice About Her Boyfriend That Censors Her In Public, And The Internet Delivers
Love is rough. There are many little quirks you have to put up with in a partner. Those quirks are part of the "compromise" that makes love worth it. Or... are they more than quirks? Are they flat out rude actions. Some people may not be able to handle all you are and your authentic self. That's a problem y'all. For instance...
Redditor Pohllypockets went to Reddit for some "Dear Abby" advice by asking.... My boyfriend [24m] always tells me [22f] not to talk about inappropriate topics in public. I feel like I can't have a conversation at all without him telling me to change the topic. Her story goes as follows...
My boyfriend Dan always tells me "Don't talk about that when people can hear you" and I feel like most of the stuff he says that about is stuff that's just normal conversation. I'll give a couple examples so you get the idea.
We were at the supermarket and he asked me if I was going to my friend Jim's party. I said I wasn't sure yet. He asked why. I said "I told Jim that me and the girls wouldn't go if Mark was gonna be there, cause Mark's been a huge creep to us all." Dan shushed me, and whispered "Don't talk about that here"
Another time, we were on the bus, and I was talking about my old roommate, and how she was still dating a teacher she had in high school, who came onto her basically immediately after she graduated. And how sketchy that was. Dan basically told me off for saying that on the bus. Which felt kinda ridiculous because there's worse stuff you hear on buses; there was some strung out druggie woman talking to herself just a few seats back.
Another time, we were in the pharmacy, and I said "What brand of lube did you like better? I forget" And held up two bottles. He got really irritated when we got back in the car.
And one more time, he got snippy with me for saying "Did I tell you what my therapist said this morning?" Because apparently seeing a therapist is another inappropriate topic.
In general, I feel like I have to put on some kinda picture perfect act every time we're outside one of our apartments. Like I can't tell the truth about conflicts in my friend group, weird stuff I've seen in life, or ask even basic questions about lube and condoms, in the lube and condoms aisle of the pharmacy...
It's not like he minds those topics in general. I think it's more like an anxiety thing, that he's worried about strangers overhearing and judging us. But it's really stressing me out, because I never know what he's going to tell me is a no-no topic for him. I feel like I've got to put on an act every time we're outside, or else we're going to argue.
But I don't know if I'm in the wrong, and I really could do to tone it down a little. So I'm looking for a few second opinions. Is the kinda stuff I say stuff I should be embarrassed to say in a public place? If not, how can I talk to my boyfriend about how much this is stressing me out?
Thoughts??