Curious to hear about regretful choices, Redditor tippytoes1216 asked strangers online:
"When did you realize you married the wrong person?"
Some realized gradually that something was off.
Losing A Sense Of Self
"One day I realized I had become a smaller version of myself."
– mlerin
"Yeah damn. I'm about a year past a really tough breakup, and this hits hard. My friends all tell me they like the new me. And it certainly feels easier to be me. I don't know why I ever let it be reduced. I think she left me with a bit of imposter syndrome, but it turns out I'm f'kin' dope."
– thefrenchflex
No More Exercising
"When she sat me down and with a straight face said 'I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore.'”
"I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring kids with in running stroller."
"She said you’re a father and it’s too time consuming. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake lol."
"Catching her with another man in my car didn’t help the case to stay married."
– JD054
This Woman's Work
"Engaged not quite married yet."
"When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery... and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said 'why aren't the f**king dishes done?'"
"Called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there 2 weeks later."
– Neverinfocus
Unfit Mother
"It was a death of a thousand cuts. One of the first was when I realized she didn't trust me. We had been together around 10 years at this point. But I had a moment of clarity and literally said to her 'you don't trust me do you?' Before she could answer I said 'you don't trust anybody.' And she agreed."
"She would routinely throw the kids out of the tub and the bathroom completely naked because they splashed her while getting a bath. And not just that, she would yell at the top of her lungs at how bad they were. The kids were around 2-4 at the time. God forbid the toddler splashes the water in the tub."
"Another time I don't even remember the cause but I tried to play mediator. As in 'ok daughter you did something wrong, let's apologize to mommy'. And she would. Then I'd ask mommy to apologize to our daughter for what for her role and mom absolutely refused to apologize. Ive known this lady more than 20 years and ive never heard her apologize. Literally never."
"The final straw was when one of our kids wanted a hug goodnight before bedtime. She locked herself in our bedroom and refused the hug because she had hugged them earlier in the day. Kids were crying. They didn't understand. I was devastated watching this unfold. Why doesn't mom want to hug me?"
"I try my best to not let it impact me. But we share custody now and I have to watch how she interacts with our kids. Its hard. The best consolidation is the kids are getting older and they're starting to figure it out."
– overarmur
Unworthy Companion
"When I realized if we weren’t dating I wouldn’t have wanted to be his friend."
– dawn855
Some found out on the day of the nuptials.
"No Ice Cream Truck"
"On the wedding day…. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more, she said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) told her it was not needed. She fought me on it but finally agreed. Wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly."
– StrangeJitsu
Inebriated Bride
"On my wedding day. We were married at her Parents house, a beautiful place on a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and getting drunk than with me. I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I find her passed out drunk upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home. Needless to say our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. 5 years later she went in to in-patient treatment and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce."
– metrology84
So much for the honeymoon.
True Colors
"It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nose dive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, he absolutely lost his mind on me in public. I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how could I ruin his vacation like this. Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry."
– gridironbuffalo
China Was Telling
"Got married. Went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was working class. Her family was middle class. Her father gave her 10,000 $ for the honeymoon."
"So we go to China to celebrate AND she wants to do some light pre dissertation research while there for a month or two. Fine."
"It turns out, I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels, while she did research. I only spoke a few words of Mandarin and I was a broke graduate student, so I couldn’t really afford to/didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home (also had 0 family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home). I felt trapped."
"I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip and not at all like a honeymoon, how I was alone almost everyday."
"We were sharing a laptop while in the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop, despite being in grad school). I open the laptop one morning before she leaves to go survey a field site without me. Her email is open. She left a message open on the laptop. It’s to her father, stating she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip - our honeymoon. Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon w/ maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden."
"She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker. I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email."
– Mtt76812
It's pretty painful to realize that the person with whom you're sleeping next to is not, or never was, your person.
But if there's a glimmer of hope that you and your spouse are willing to put in the work for the sake of a troubled marriage, that's a very redeemable quality.
Sadly, this doesn't apply to all couple, and the best thing to do is to abandon ship before further emotional damage is done.
