People Break Down Whether A Potential Partner's Politics Are A Dealbreaker
Reddit user duckmysick100 asked: 'How important are your partner’s political views to you? Is it a dealbreaker if they don’t align with your own?'
Twenty years ago, a question about politics and dating might have elicited very different answers.
But a large part of the United States seems to be getting more radicalized and more polarized.
While two decades ago most liberal versus conservative differences in the United States were about government size or spending, now it's about who has a right to exist or have body autonomy.
Reddit user duckmysick100 asked:
"How important are your partner’s political views to you? Is it a dealbreaker if they don’t align with your own?"
Who Cares?
"Politics? Don't really care. The way I see it is that fundamentally your partner needs to be your friend."
"I don't care what any of my friend's political beliefs are and I've gone years without even knowing the political beliefs of friends. I have friends who's political beliefs I strongly disagree with and I'm still friends with them."
"I don't care, because at the end of the day my friendships don't revolve around political action."
"Many might say I'm very privileged to be in a position where I can not care about my friends political beliefs, because it means generally speaking I believe there's unlikely to be political change that really affects me."
"I don't believe that, but maybe it's true. Maybe I am privileged in that regard."
"But y'know, that's a privilege I'll gratefully live with, because it means I can have more friends."
~ AtlasClone
"If my partner were any kind of extremist who hated other people based on the political infotainment they consume, that’s a deal breaker."
"If they’re the sort of person who refuses to be friends with or interact with people 'on the other team' that’s a dealbreaker."
"Politics just isn’t all that important to me."
"There’s nothing I can do to influence it and nothing anybody else can really do, so why waste my life making it my 'big interest'?"
"And there’s no chance in hell I could survive being married to somebody who makes politics the most important thing in their life."
~ Jawahhh
Not A Dealbreaker, But...
"You don't have to agree on every single issue, but you have to share a similar worldview and set of values."
"I assume there are couples who can be together regardless, but I can't imagine my significant other would see the world in a completely different light than me."
"Yeah, exactly. Politics would be like any other issue."
"If a woman in a relationship wanted four kids and the husband wanted two, you could work through that. Or land at a compromise. Or, hell, one or both changes their mind after the first kid or two. Nothing can prepare you for being a parent other than being a parent."
"Now, say the woman was dead set against ever having kids and the guy wanted as many kids as he could produce. Just two people with completely different worldviews."
~ 2020IsANightmare
"I think they don't have to be the SAME, but they can't be polar opposites."
~ murmeltearding
"It’s gotta be the same ballpark."
"If I’m center you gotta be center or moderate left/right. If I’m hard left you gotta be at least left of center."
"Hard left + hard right just ain’t it."
~ ClilloryHinton
"They can have a different idea than me on how to fix poverty (just an example) but they have to believe poverty is a problem."
"I need someone who lives in the same reality as me."
~ jackfaire
"Perfect way to describe it. My husband and I disagree about like, whether UBI is a good way to end poverty, but not whether ending poverty is a good goal."
~ coffeeclichehere
"Political views are based on core values and, in a relationship, are an element of what I qualify as 'compatibility'."
"So no, I can't be in a long term relationship with anyone who has drastically different viewpoints."
"Some small differences around the same edge are absolutely OK and, in a mature relationship, make for enriching conversations. But fundamentally different political views—no way."
~ SamaireB
"I can be in a relationship with someone with fundamentally different political views, but those views have to be rooted in reality and there are some dealbreakers."
"Like you believe in small government...OK, I'll argue but that's fine."
"You believe we should take children from immigrants as a disincentive to immigrate here? Yeah that's going to be a dealbreaker."
~ off_and_on_again
"We disagree on some details, especially because of our professions—I’m a nurse and he is a manager in manufacturing. But hearing each others’ viewpoints is helpful in staying balanced regarding the things we do disagree on."
"When it comes to human rights, though, we are completely on the same page."
"And I could not be in a relationship with someone who felt differently than me in that area. We have children, and it’s important to me that we are aligned with how we raise them."
~ Less_Tea2063
"I might support decriminalization of all drugs and creation of safe consumption sites."
"My partner might think that’s a little too far but believes the War on Drugs is poorly handled and more resources should be put toward treatment."
"That would be a-okay with me! We don’t need to be in lockstep, but clearly we’re both empathetic to addicts and think rehabilitation over punishment should be priority."
"If my partner thinks all addicts are lazy bums and they belong in jail or dead, well—we’re not going to be together long."
~ Rastiln
It's A Dealbreaker—Now
"I have a close family member who is married to someone with opposing political views, and frankly, I think it hurts their marriage."
"Obviously it's not their only issue, but it plays a role."
"Personally, I could never do it."
"Like other people have already said, it speaks to a person's core values."
~ padall
"Back before politics became batsh*t, maybe that wouldn't be as much of a problem."
"Now there is not a lot of common ground unless you're on the same side."
~ WouldYouPleaseKindly
"A Carter era Democrat and a Reagan era Republican could have at least some common ground."
"But that ship sailed thanks to Australian media tycoons and AM radio fear mongers."
~ Grabthars_Coping_Saw
"I have a friend whose husband came out strong for a certain presidential candidate simply because he rumored to be a great businessman. He refused to listen to any negative info like, say, how racist or sexist the guy was, because 'he’ll be great for the economy!'."
"My friend makes a point of carefully studying issues and candidates and she was certain there were dealbreakers about this presidential candidate for her husband if he would only take the time to learn. But he refused."
"He normally likes a good discussion so it was weird. She ended up on antidepressants because it really changed how she saw her spouse."
"January 6 opened his eyes a bit, but he still seems to be leaning a lot more to the right than she ever expected. And this suggests their values are moving father apart."
"It’s definitely taking a toll on their marriage."
"Believe me, she’s thinking hard. It’s tough because they’ve been together almost 40 years and it’s like suddenly she’s on Planet B."
~ JohnExcrement
"I have lost a lot of respect for people who, though seemly intelligent and thoughtful, supported the crazies in a certain political party."
"They are doing real damage to our society."
"Why would I want to date one?"
~ Zoneoftotal
"There is a certain political individual that if I found out my partner supported him, I honestly would feel the need for a breakup."
"Our core values would be so far apart that a relationship would be impossible."
"Most other politicians would cause me to groan or roll my eyes."
"This man served as a filter on dating apps. Anyone who liked this guy was an immediate skip."
~ TylerJWhit
It's Always Been A Dealbreaker
"It is extremely important. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t share my values."
"For example, when Covid hit, my spouse and I were 100% on the same page about how we would handle our safety, masks, vaccines etc... even though we had never discussed what we’d do in a global pandemic."
"But we agreed because we shared values."
"I watched many of my friends’ marriages struggle because the pandemic revealed their ideological differences."
"Politics are not theoretical. They affect your life in ways you can never anticipate."
~ Electrical-Spot863
"Some people seem to treat politics like sports, like it's separate from reality and doesn't really matter which 'team' you support."
"Getting along with someone despite supporting opposing sports teams, or having different tastes in music or movies, or whatever—that makes sense."
"The winner of an election, though, can have immense impact on what happens in the 'real world' when compared to who wins the Super Bowl / World Cup / Other Notable Sports Event."
~ DragoonDM
Only a handful of Redditors said politics was a non-issue.
But they also said they'd refuse to date anyone who thought politics were important in relationships or even friendships.
But the overwhelming majority felt political differences in the current climate would make a relationship a no-go.
What do you think?
Red Flags From Job Listings That Scream 'Stay Away'
Reddit user Zdvj asked: 'What are some job-posting red flags that scream “Stay away”?'
Being able to work and make enough money to pay bills and get groceries is harder and more important than ever, but finding a good quality job where someone feels appreciated is being to feel as rare as, well, seeing a unicorn.
Ironically, it's the workplaces you'd want to avoid that are the exact ones who are seeking a unicorn themselves.
Redditor Zdvj asked:
"What are some job-posting red flags that scream 'Stay away'?"
"We're Looking For a Unicorn."
"Any use of the word 'Rockstar.'"
- Jsmith0730
"Or 'Ninja.'"
- Pumpkinspicepolice
"Also, 'Guru.'"
- nocolon
"Don't forget 'Wizard.'"
- ilikewc3
A Can-Do Attitude
"I’m finding a 'can-do attitude' to be problematic recently."
- chamomilky
The False Interview
"I agreed to a Zoom interview, showed up looking professional, and noticed eight other guys attending as well."
"The guy who called me said, 'Okay, guys, the presentation starts in 10 minutes; take notes because there will be questions at the end.'"
"I noped right out then and there."
- jimes00
"This happened to me once. They advertised for sales agents for home appliances."
"When I got there, it was a warehouse full of people who all thought they had a job interview, but it was a demonstration for one of those water companies. It was incredibly awkward."
- ishouldbefolding
"Anytime you enter a Zoom job interview,' and someone starts off with, 'Hello, everyone,' just disconnect immediately, because they are wasting your time."
- Effingehh
Signs of a High Turnover Rate
"'Urgently hiring multiple candidates.'"
- smurfsundermybed
"AKA: the entire last crew got p**sed and quit."
- miraculous-
To Be Determined
"'Salary to be discussed.'"
"Every single interview I've gone for that didn't disclose the salary upfront was severely underpaid."
- Mobile_Prune_3207
"When I was younger and recruiters reached out to me without a salary chat, I just took the interviews being naïve."
"Now I’ve learned the call doesn’t go any further until I know the salary band."
- toronto_programmer
Competitive for Whom?
"'Competitive wages.'"
- ACaffeinatedWandress
"Competitive pay means your pay will be competing against your bills."
- Random_Guy_47
A Fast-Paced Environment
"Fast-paced environment. That usually means absolute chaos with no one in charge."
- Spellflinger2019
"Translation: 'It’s so f**king busy and stressful that multiple people recently quit.'"
- md22mdrx
Team Player Culture
"'Work hard, play hard,' meaning, 'We’re all alcoholics.'"
- PaintedLady5519
"And even if they aren't alcoholics, they still schedule a lot of evening and weekend get-togethers that are unofficially mandatory."
- notthesedays
"And if you don't show up, you are 'not a team player.'"
- OldMork
Flexible Schedules
"And even if they aren't, they schedule a lot of evening and weekend get-togethers that are unofficially mandatory."
- missypierce
Degree and Pay Disagreement
"'Bachelor's degree required; starting pay $12.50 per hour.'"
- DeathSpiral321
A Variety of Factors
"A job listing written in all caps."
"A litany of technologies listed."
"'No job hoppers!'"
"If they ever suggest that you should care 'more about the work than compensation,' no, you shouldn't."
"'Some weekends' means, 'every weekend.'"
- template009
Start-Up Culture
"'Start-up culture,' means, 'a disorganized hot mess of egos."
- LeSmeg47
A Bubbly Personality
"Must have a bubbly personality."
"F**k off."
- silentwhim
"I wonder if this is code for, 'We want to hire an attractive young woman.'"
- beka13
"That's EXACTLY what that means."
- VivaLaCon88
"We're Family."
"'We are a family' companies expect you to be fine with getting underpaid and doing endless overtime because hey, they order food once in a while for the team, which is soo cool..."
- Zitson5150
From the Other Side of the Desk
"My job partially includes job placement. I went on a tour today with one of the higher-ups, and she used the word 'nightmare' several times to describe some things. Then she was complaining that they can’t get anyone to hire on or stay hired on, and that they had eight candidates file and get screened, and that day of, only two showed up."
"I wanted to ask so badly what they were paying, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to control my reaction, so I refrained."
"Then she complained later that people 'didn’t want to work, wanted to take days off during the middle of the week, and didn’t want to work over 40 hours.'"
"I was getting nauseous. I don’t want want to deal with that s**t, either, especially for half of my pay that I get now. Not to mention dealing with deadlines and back-breaking work."
"On top of that, they were b***hing about it from a nice office position. You don’t have to work in the factory with no climate control, lifting heavy s**t, or dealing with all the other countless bulls**t. You get to sit in a nice office and gossip with the other office people while making three times what those line workers get."
"I don’t know if I have the heart to place people in these positions."
- Jay-G
While we all need to make money and have a job in order to make that happen, we all deserve to have standards for our workplaces, just like the standards for how we are treated in our other relationships.
Though some of these characteristics have been on job listings for a long time, some of these tactics and phrases are pretty new and something to look out for, for those who haven't been job hunting for a while.
People Share Red Flags About Employers That Most Folks Wouldn't Recognize As A Warning Sign
Nearly four years ago, I went in for a job interview I was a little skeptical about. It seemed like a good job that would utilize the skills I learned in my previous position, but the pay was much lower than what I had been getting. Still, I went in, hoping the other benefits would outweigh the low salary.
The first thing my interviewer asked me was how much I was making at my previous job.
Be warned that employers are NOT allowed to ask this question. However, I did know that and answered.
The next five minutes consisted of my boss very convincingly and enthusiastically telling me that my previous salary was very high, especially considering what kind of job the previous position was and the fact that it was my first job right out of school.
I took the job and worked at the company for two hateful years. By the time I left and started a different position, I realized something I wish I had known during my interview: my boss's little speech about my high salary was her way of getting me to settle for the low salary her company was offering, instead of negotiating for a better one.
Unfortunately, between some employers being really good at talking their "perks" up and potential employees being new to the workforce, a lot of things that are red flags don't register as red flags at the time.
That can lead to hated jobs with no benefits and little to no new skills learned.
Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share what should be taken as red flags to save the rest of us from this fate.
It all started when Redditor Redt_Wolf16 asked:
"What is a popular belief that is scientifically proven wrong?"
No Company Is Perfect
"You check out glassdoor and there are a bunch of overwhelmingly positive reviews from "anonymous current employees" that under cons list "no cons that I can think of!""
"Even the best place to work in the world has SOME cons."
– seanofkelley
"My last company did this. They fired half of the team over three months, they deliberately chose to fire whoever was cheaper to fire or who had kids etc because of course they missed work more than who doesn’t have kids (usually). They chose to fire a guy a couple of hours after he announced he was going to be a dad. They fired my boss because she was trying to get pregnant and they even asked her to quit instead so she would not get any compensation. The CEO told her he doesn’t think employees deserve it."
"After firing 30 people for economic reasons, they said they were done and asked everyone to relax. We all got extra responsibilities but no raise, of course. Two months later they fired 20 more (including me)."
"They asked the ones left to leave a nice review there since they were staying so I reported them to Glassdoor. Absolute trash."
"Edit to add: after they fired so many people most of the good employees left. They actually contacted me a month ago offering me my job back and it felt amazing to reject them."
– diabolikal__
Gossip Girls
"When management talks poorly about the other employees, it might make you feel included/special at first but guaranteed they’re going to be talking about you next"
– PhilMeYup
Work-Life Balance
"Another aspect is, it'll teach you what they really value. If they promote work-life balance but their favorite employees are those who "put in the extra work to get things done", it means they will not in fact respect your work-life balance lol. Learned this the hard way."
– Scarlett1993
"I interviewed at a company in San Diego and everything went really well. Because I have an annual fishing trip in july, and I was being hired first of June, I brought it up. I said I know I'm new and I am willing to skip the trip, I just need to know so that my friends can plan on me being there or not."
"Dude looks at me and says, "No problem. That should work fine. But in my experience, people who work here, will schedule a vacation, and then realize that the project needs them and cancel their time off.""
"I worked up until that trip. The week before I worked an extra 15 hours to make sure that my projects were all tracking to be okay with out me for a week. Two days before I am supposed to take a Time off, my boss calls me in and asks if I think I should go on this vacation. I said yes. He said what if I asked if you were willing to accept your last check? I said I would accept it. So he paid me out my time and I walked out the door."
"I worked my a** off to make sure that things would carry on without me, even though the company didn't have anything in place that helped that process. And the fact they think that people should cancel their vacation out of loyalty is such garbage. The company itself was pretty normal from the outside. But pretty bullsh*t from the inside"
– 444unsure
"What a piece of sh*t."
""So, just to be clear, you need me here so badly that you can't be without me for a week, but not so badly that you can't be without indefinitely? I call bullsh*t.""
– ohheyisayokay
Regulations Are Written In Blood
"Management who are willing to risk it and cut corners."
"Had an interview with a company. The guy interviewing me told me that he would be my boss if I got thr job. He likes his teams to be a strong and cohesive group and that we would all have an input as he values his team."
"Maybe three questions later he asks me: "if you had an unstable and unstable load that I told you has to be loaded this minute. You would do it." Me, "No, if it is unsafe and could potentially kill someone, I would not allow it out. Not until the problem is sorted (had a boss pull this one years before), i would tell him of the issue and try to get it sorted" him "and I tell you it must be loaded as is", me "Then it wont get loaded and i would bring it to Health and safety". He immediately told me how I was not the right type of person for that company."
"A large international company, willing to promote that individual. I consider myself lucky to have not been even offered the job. Saved me turning it down."
– Xib3
"I've seen some interesting things in interviews before, but never before have I heard a company so brazen as to flat out admit they don't adhere to major safety policies. If that's the case how many minor ones are overlooked enough where they're comfortable overlooking a major one? YIKES. Talk about dodging a f*cking bullet."
– Wizard4877
I Finished My Learning
"Offering to pay you a lot less than market rate because you will "Learn so much" or "Will be working with a great team". My bank does not take IQ points as a mortgage payment"
– _three_piece_suit
"I work in games. A lot of job postings end with 'Must have a passion for video games.'"
"Translation: Your pay is gonna be garbage, there's going to be a lot of overtime, and we don't care if you like it because there are hundreds of applicants"
– laehrin20
Lunch Is A Must
"“We don’t really eat lunch” f*ck you ive been working my a** off all day I’m gonna sit down for 30 minutes to and hour and eat my damn sandwich"
– ReporterWitty3616
"It also shows ignorance to some facts like ... Breaks are relevant and folks need calories to burn."
– deterministic_lynx
"At my current job, before she was demoted and relocated, I had a manager that I asked if I could take my (legally mandated 30 min lunch break) and she literally tried to manipulate me into not taking one. She goes, “well, x coworker and y coworker do 8 hour shifts without taking lunches”. As if that’s a reason I shouldn’t have taken mine. And I was sitting there thinking, “that’s not something to be proud of? As a manager that’s part of your job is to make sure your employees take their lunch. Also, that’s f*cking illegal? Why would you admit that?” Ignoring entirely the fact that both coworkers she named ALWAYS take a lunch on their long shifts, so she straight up lied for no reason other than to guilt me."
– RosariaRain
Work Family
"Paraphrasing from a similar comment."
"When you hear "We're like a family here", run and don't look back. The only "family" trait that'll come from that job is the dysfunction, gaslighting, and lack of accountability."
– Fake-And-Gay-Bot
"Get that where I am now. The gossip is ridiculous, I happened today to know who had brought in the cakes and how old she had turned - shock horror, I speak to my coworkers as people. Next thing you know, people are "teasing" I only do it to get in her knickers. .. Nope, one, if you talk to her, she has a boyfriend and two, not my type."
"Also, my favourite one was the big boss of the company gave a speech about how, he could replace us all with foreign workers for less pay and more productivity. So he can buy another expensive car. The talks with some managers shows they literally bathe in the company cool-aid."
"Family. Only in his inner circle, where he literally employees them."
– Xib3
Do You NEED The Job Yet?
"If they ask if you've turned in your two weeks to your current employer during the interview process. Had two short jobs fresh out of college that did this and realized too late that they were waiting for me to be desperate before hiring me, because the pay was actually much lower than advertised and the hours were much longer."
– the-just-us-league
There's Always A Limit
"“Unlimited PTO”"
– Shhh_Dont_Tel
"The first time I worked for a company with unlimited PTO, I ended up taking less time off than I did at my previous job because I wasn't sure how much I was "allowed" to take in practice."
– aggressivecalm
"I like my PTO like I like my pay - on the books."
– DogsAreOurFriends
"I had a job with unlimited sick time!"
"Two things to note:"
"There's a hidden equation that will trigger HR to investigate and ask for doctors notes."
"It didn't cover what traditional sick time at other jobs would. No planned doctors appointments or if a family member is sick. You use vacation for that."
– zerostar83
It's Your Job Now
"When an employee quits or gets fired from the job and the company doesn't hire anyone new to replace them."
"It can be hard to tell as a red flag at first, but the temporary workload they added to your own over that was left over after the person left, slowly becomes your new permanent workload, without any changes to your pay or benefits to compensate for the additional tasks. The further out it goes without the position being filled, the larger and more obvious the red flag becomes."
– Goatmanthealien
Yeah, I have personal experience with that last one!
Dear Single Men,
Please just ... like ... chill. The gist of this whole article basically boils down to that. I promise.
There's no magic formula. You don't need to be a "pick up artist."
You're not still single just because you're short, guys.
It's not because you think Crocs are a formal shoe, even though they're just not. People will be willing to forgive that if you rock it with enough swag.
It's not any of that stuff.
Reddit user SmootPapi asked:
Girls of reddit, what are everyday things men do that turn you off?
Weirdly, Single Men, nowhere on this list was there anything like 'drive the wrong car' or 'have clean nails.' What DID make the list was:
Innuendo *heh-heh*
person innuendo GIFGiphy"When you're having a normal conversation and he turns it sexual, with no prompting or leading. We were literally talking about work and next minute he turns it into naked massages."
"Yeah, nah thanks." - NorthernSuburbNanny
"I was in group therapy and the therapist was talking about facials for self-care."
"The guy sitting next to me, who I hadn't actually spoken to much prior to this, turned to me and went 'I could give you one of those.' " - paredclia
"Oh my god I can't even describe how much I hate that. I love dirty jokes, innuendos etc. but if you turn every single thing into something sexual just know I'm leaving." - xtnts
"Bi guy, can confirm that gay and bi guys do it too. I wish more straight guys knew what that felt like."
"I remember one date where I probably would have gone to bed with him - if he'd just shut up about sex for five minutes so we could get to know each other first. Every topic I tried to introduce just got an awkward segue into something sexual."
"I get it, dude. You want sex. So do I. Just let me retain a tiny bit of self-respect in the process." - madsci
The Best
Video Games Lmao GIF by BounceGiphy"Turning everything into a competition."
"There's a certain subset of guys who think they can impress you by being 'the best' at something. Not just good, but specifically, 'the best.' "
"This leads to them gatekeeping and putting you and others down in order to prove their superiority, and this kind of behavior is just annoying." - Korrin
"Haha I remember a guy like this at University and he earned the nickname 'Topper' because anything you could do, he could 'top.' Needless to say none of us lady folk swooned." - Tea_Breeze
The Staff
rude bon qui qui GIFGiphy"Being rude to strangers, especially wait staff and retail workers."
"That was always one of my indicators when I was dating; how well they treated workers. My boyfriend is great. He used to work at a restaurant so he gets it." - fotofae6
"When I was dating, if the guy was an @ss to servers or customer service folks, it was a hard pass. I don't have time for that kind of negativity in my life and it's usually indicative of much bigger maturity/attitude issues." - turtlebugchey
Body Shaming Shenanigans
done that's all folks GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphy"I was on a date with a guy whose whole personality was basically 'My family is rich.' "
"We were walking down a city street and he said 'I'd really like a burrito!' I mentioned that there was a place around the corner that I loved."
"He went: 'No.. we shouldn't. I don't want to end up looking like HER.' And gestured to an overweight woman who was well within earshot."
"Date over." - illuniuhai
Hygiene
Nbc Primping GIF by HULUGiphy"Being unclean. Amazing how fast I can lose a lady boner when I see a Bathtub that has never been cleaned and a carpet so black I'm afraid to walk on it."
"Also its amazing how many men have awful breath?? Like I'm attracted and then I go in for a kiss and I'm hit with awful death breath and suddenly I just wanna go home."
"Have good oral hygiene and carry some mints around (applies to all genders)" - SenPay_Me
"I had a guy friend stay over my place for 6 days and he only brushed his teeth 3 times... in 6 days."
"He constantly vapes and his teeth are yellow. And he still had the audacity to make suggestive moves on me as if I'd be interested!"
"Some people just need to get a clue." - chawcolate
"I went on a few dates with a guy, and then went back to his place to use the bathroom. His toothbrush looked absolutely disgusting, if he could put that in his mouth happily then I didn't want to know what else his hygiene was like."
"Another guy hid his teeth in his photos, but when I saw him in person I understood why. His teeth were rotten to f*ck."
"He tried to say he had some thing from when he was a baby that made it so all of his adult teeth just rotted away so he gave up cleaning them, and thought he could have the whole lot fixed with veneers."
"Except I work in dentistry, so it was great fun listening to his excuses but veneers would do nothing for his mess. Some teeth needed removing they were rotten down to the gum."
"Later on he asked if he could kiss me, and I said no thanks. He went on a rant about how he brushed his teeth for me, just in case I kissed him."
"F*cking hell mate, you should be brushing your teeth every day no matter what!" - Isgortio
How Would You Even Know?
days month GIFGiphy"Saying "it can't hurt that bad" when I have cramps" - smokymoonVR
"In addition to this, I've heard 'You get it every month so you should be used to it by now, right?' " - fluffbao
"Once had a guy say periods couldn't be that bad because 'women only lose 16 teaspoons of blood' per period."
"Jesus Christ I hope younger women aren't tolerating these insensitive pieces of sh*t." - Cold_Ad136
Anger Issues
Angry Grigor Dimitrov GIF by Tennis TVGiphy"Angry men scare me."
"They don't even have to be yelling about it. But just that tension, you can feel it that they are not in a good mood, a bit angry... That's frightening. I just do my best to avoid that altogether." - IiAshleyiI
"Getting really angry and aggressive when something bad happens."
"Yeah, I get it, it sucks when things suck, but if you're getting aggressive (yelling, slamming things, taking that tone that's like "if you even so much as LOOK at me wrong i'll bite your hand off for it") over it, that sucks. It's scary to people who are smaller than you." - Vishuual
These Gestures Are Offensive In Other Countries | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
People explain the friendly gestures in one country that are offensive in another. It's imperative to do a little research about the destinations and culture..."Ah, you met my father."
"Ladies, if you see this bullsh*t, RUN. Dad was an insufferable bastard."
"He chased the ducks with an axe cause he was mad; he threw the hammer at the sink because he was mad; he got into arguments and spat on a woman's car because he was mad; he waited in the parking lot with a gun because he was mad."
"You want no part in this, and your children don't deserve to grow up with bad associations with belts and metal spatulas."
"If he can't control his temper, he's not in good working order and should be sent back to the factory." - JustDiscoveredSex
Girlie Things
thrive love & hip hop GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy"When men act like 'stereotypically feminine' things are bad and refuse to try them; like taking a bath, a certain drink, lighting a candle or wearing nice scented colognes." - stressandscreaming
"This. I asked my father if he thought my wallet was cute and he responded that I had to reframe the question because as a man he can't use that type of word."
"What the hell is that all about??? Your masculinity will still be intact even if you say cute, or take a bath, or whatever. Calm down." - Broadway_Baby_99
"My boyfriend's brother called him a 'f-g' for drinking a wine cooler at a summer party."
"His cousin, who purchased them for us, was ranting for like 5 minutes like: 'never make me buy girl drinks again, I looked GAY!' and I straight up just wanted to slip into a coma to escape these people." - TrashSea1485
"My boyfriend is like that. He won't use shampoo if it was advertised for women; it's f*cking shampoo???" - Little_Hobbit
Glorified NPCs
Video Games 90S GIFGiphy"You can tell when a guy thinks of women as glorified NPCs."
"NPCs are the programmed characters in video games who say one or two sentences, and give you things if you complete the right side quest, and very little else. They stand there, waiting for you to come, and have literally no purpose outside of interacting with you for that single moment you're there."
"Many men treat people, especially women, like this."
"They don't really consider or think about the thoughts women have, what they may do when they're alone if it doesn't directly affect them, what their opinions are unless it changes how they act, etc. If it doesn't directly serve their purpose, they don't care."
"The conversations, the depth of what they speak out, just never goes beyond puddle-deep because they don't trust women to form those thoughts, and most of the time men aren't even aware they do this, it's just so deeply socially conditioned for them."
"You can always, always tell after a very short time of meeting a guy either in the workplace or on a date or in any other situation, whether or not he's thinking about the right things to say and put the right tokens in for sex to pop out."
"It becomes extremely stark when you see him behave towards other men as opposed to other women." - No-Bewt
"This is the best explanation of the 'pick up artist' mentality ever."
"They think they have to just pick the right conversation options to complete the quest of getting laid and that they can just watch the walkthrough by someone on YouTube who completed the quest already and copy them." - OktoberSunset
Free Emotional Labor
tom cruise whatever GIFGiphy"Getting really intense about our relationship really early on."
"A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that's supposed to make them whole, help them change, complete them, help them grow or whatever."
"Sir I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours."
"When you put that pressure on me right away, I know that I don't actually matter. What matters is that you have access to someone's free emotional labor and you've been taught that women serve you." - xojoma
"Getting that intense at any point in the relationship is bad. Telling someone 'You're the only thing I have.' is manipulative bull."
"You have your life. I have my life."
"We meet somewhere in the middle." - herpaderpadont
"I'm afraid to have a relationship with a girl because I don't want to end up doing exactly this to her" - BokBok95
So, Single Men... as you can see there are LOTS of things that will get you nowhere - but it mostly boils down to respect. Respect yourself, your environment, your body, other humans and the fact that they have lives, etc.
Relax. It's great for your dating life.
Sincerely,
Everyone
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Money management is not a skill everyone has, and when you are actually broke, it can feel like you're constantly playing “bill roulette". Not a good feeling.
The other side however is people who are broke all the time not because they are underpaid, but because they can't seem to get a handle on budgeting. That friend who is constantly upgrading and getting the brand new gadget but needs to borrow money to put gas in the car—this is for you.
A Redditor by the screen name of Disrupter52 wanted to hear what the common signs were that someone couldn't handle their finances. They asked:
“What's a red flag that someone is very bad with their money?"
Well here's your sign because we've got a bundle flags about to go up.
…
“They are involved in multi-level marketing schemes, and when asked by friends why you need to pay into such schemes, they say ‘well, you need to spend money to make money.’” Giediprimal
Awkward Season 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphyChronic borrowers…
“Constantly borrows money from friends/family but never pays it back. Bonus points if they never give a reason or vague reason for the money - uses manipulation or having their friends' pressure/guilt you into giving them money."
“Also constantly buying expensive stuff or always eating out but is always behind their bills (plus doing the borrowing money thing). Pretty much prioritizing their WANTS over their or others' NEEDS when managing money or paying for things." TheoryAddict
Do you really need a BMW?
“Leasing an expensive car. Bruv, you're just about making enough to cover rent and bills, so why are you driving around in a BMW?” manawasteman
They could have saved themselves so much…
“I had a friend who I used to play Xbox with online. He would frequently not be on for weeks at a time because he'd sold his xbox to pay bills. As soon as he had money again, he'd pay $400 for a new console, then he'd run out of money and pawn it for $50-100. This happened probably 5 or 6 times a year.” irreverant_usernam3
Good food for thought.
“Asking what to buy. If you don't have anything you'd want to buy already in mind, just save the money for later instead of buying things you didn't think you needed, because you most likely don't need them” SnakeR515
“Any time you find yourself asking somebody this question, you already have your answer -- pay down some of your debt. The best way to increase your means is to live below them. Good luck!”FaceDownInTheCake
Did it all for the likes…
“They flex their sh*t on instagram/ tiktok. Why be fiscally responsible when you can spend 10k on Yeezys?" Elitus-Meatus
“I had a friend who was always complaining he was broke. His car was broken said he couldn't afford to fix the 600 dollar repair bill and was going to lose his job because he couldn't get to work. 3 days later posted on Facebook how he just got the brand new xbox (it had just come out that week). I asked if he got his car fixed and he blocked me." streetmitch
Season 2 Tom GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphyA loan for PizzaHut?
“The combination of needing to borrow money but choosing to buy expensive things is a dead giveaway. I had a housemate at uni who once asked me if she could borrow £20 because she had no money for food until she got paid in a week.”
“At that time/area £20 would easily feed onr person for a week, and you wouldn't even have to be stingy... an hour later the delivery guy knocks on the door. She's ordered a £20 Pizza Hut meal deal. Eventually she paid me back but I never lent her money again.” MerylSquirrel
Strangest Things Seen In A Contract's Terms And Conditions | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Couldn’t keep the lights on…
“I used to work for a utility company. We would shut people's electric off and then they'd come into the office to pay with cash to get turned back on.”
“Half of them I could tell weren't good with money because they'd have their nails done, hair dyed, coach purse and wallet, crying because ‘I only have $30 to my name. I can't pay $300 to get my electricity back on. What can you do for me?’” Mermaids_tatertots
A laundry list…
“I'll give you a subtle one: when someone has no retirement plan, and they are older. Like, past 50, and their plan is just 'I can always work more to get more money.' When people don't acknowledge the reality of sickness, emergencies outside their control (COVID-19, for instance), and infirm due to old age."
“Also, hidden addictions are usually lurking if someone seems to be making buckets of money, and has little to no savings, rents long term, etc."
“Alsoooooo there are .... Parasitic..... Types who have a pattern of seeking out more financially secure people. If they have a dating history of that, it's a big red flag."
"When people embellish their past to seem like they are ultra-successful ultra-ambitious renaissance people. Like, at age ____ started this business where I was a pilot, within ___ years it was so successful me and my partner sold it and now it's the biggest business in <city>."
"Then, after that, I got into upscale finish carpentry and made all this money working for this wealthy person and this wealthy person and I made so much... Then, I pivoted to real estate, and made all this money......."
"That's a big red flag. They'll usually have a few sob stories sprinkled in, like a spouse that took them to the cleaners.... Then a death or weather catastrophe or embezzling business partner... To explain why they're still just working-class despite all this success and ambition. Big. Red. Flags." WoodyAllenDershodick
“That friend of mine is me. Don't be me."
“A friend of mine did this with credit cards. Didn't understand the meaning of "Don't spend more than you have." and thought that meant "Don't spend more than the limit." He figured it out after he under a $20,000 mountain of credit card debt. That friend of mine is me. Don't be me.” Bangersandmash13
If you're finding some of these red flags apply to you there are free apps and budgeting info online. It's hard to save if you're struggling however, sometimes-like the instances above-some education really is all that's needed.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.