One Redditor by the screen name CremlinGremlin wanted to know the good qualities in people that shine through the most.
They asked:
“What's something that makes a person instantly likeable?"
Be nice to the shy kid...
“As a mini-introvert, I usually sit alone on a bench during school lunch, with friends sometimes joining me. Occasionally, someone would come to talk to me if I was alone, try to be friends. I hate it, but my respect for them grows immensely." MaskedNavajo
The way to the heart is through the stomach...
“They brought me something tasty. My affection can be easily purchased with treats.” sosogos
“I always do this! I've been told I'm a decent cook so how do I make new friends? Stuff their faces with food. Their stomachs? Full. New friend? Gained.” smolboi99
Comedy Central Eating GIF by Inside Amy SchumerGiphySeeing the beauty inside people...
“I have a physical deformity and everyone I've ever met brings it up instantly or makes fun of it, except for my current best friend. She hasn't even mentioned it once and she is the nicest person ever. That is why she is my best friend.” Kiaser_Wilhelm_II
“People who get hung up on trivial details aren't worth your time and energy. There are enough good people out there like your best friend to fill up your life. Think of others' rudeness as a convenient filter, letting you quickly sift through the rubble to find true gold. Never settle for disrespect. Keep on, my friend.” High_Point_Genetics
When they like to celebrate you...
“The person who remembers birthdays and either calls or treats the birthday person to a meal is instantly the best person in any group of people. We should all strive to be that person.”
"Pro tip. Put those Facebook dates right in your calendar. Within a single year, you'll have marked every significant birthday. I'm typically the ‘birthday guy’ in my circle of friends but I had somebody remember mine this year for a change and it made my entire f**king day. It's so absolutely worth the few seconds it takes to make a note for future use." TBoneUprising
This is a hard one for many people...
“The ability to be frank about their own faults.” Smooth-Revolution958
Beingkind when it's not expected shows good character.
“When you see them help someone in need while they really don't have to.” gargan_tua
“That's the trait that made fall for my now husband. We were on a bike ride and it had started raining so we were going fast. An old guy dropped his newspaper and then his cane when trying to pick it up. Now husband stopped picked both up, put them in the man's hands and told him to have a nice day before getting back on his bike like nothing happened.” iam_whoiam
“Someone who listens and shows interest in other people. It's hard to dislike someone when they're friendly and seem genuinely happy to see you.” deepthots20
“The cool people will be more likeable at first glance."
“A calm, happy demeanor. Being able to laugh at themselves or self-deprecate or not get pissy when people toss jokes at their expense. Smiles and warm eyes. That type of person will always do well in social circles.”
“Because they cause no static, no drama. They are just always showing off an appearance of ‘no stress, good vibes, happy go lucky, let's laugh and have fun!‘ That is very attractive in friendships.”
“No one likes that a**hole who gets all pissy when jokes are lobbed their way. Especially if they will roast other people but get butthurt when they are the target. No one likes a depressed sour puss.”
“No one likes someone who is already b*tching or getting mad over politics or always super stressed out and riding manic cycles... No one likes someone ruining the vibe and causing drama. Usually, you can sense it on people quickly too. When you meet people you can tell who is sincerely very cool, and who is not, for whatever reason. The cool people will be more likeable at first glance.” daithisfw
Being inclusive is important...
“When the person makes an effort to make everyone in a group setting feel included. I've always been the quiet and shy type, so I have huge respect for the people who find ways to include me in the conversation.” gabbykoenig
Be kind to service workers.
“Being nice to people in the service or retail industry. If I'm with someone and something happens at dinner or at the register and they're super polite and cool about it, then I know they're solid.” iBeleiveInSpace
Listen
"I genuinely love it when someone just listens and asks questions about what you're talking about, even if they understand nothing 😂 "
"Like, I could be rambling about an anime I'm watching and they'd listen, asking things like 'Okay, so this happened, but why? AND HOW!?' "
"Bruh, I could literally marry you 🥺"
- GeckoAJ0
Happy Stephen Colbert GIF by The Late Show With Stephen ColbertGiphyLet Me Be Me
"Good sense of humor, is what makes me most likeable to people."
"But I find, when others actually hear me out, can empathize with me, and don't try and tell me how to feel, act or be according to how they think I should be. Those really make a likeable person for me."
Kindness And Courage
"Kindness to beggars, homeless people, and other unfortunates, waiters, drivers and other providing service, and having time for small children."
"I traveled in parts of the Middle East and North Africa with a Syrian colleague who, to my surprise, was on first name terms with both CEOs in air-conditioned marbled offices with fountains and with the beggar outside the gate (to whom he surreptitiously passed money)."
"He lived by the old Arab/Muslim idea that all you will have in the next life is what you've given away in this one; a worthwhile perspective whether or not there's an afterlife."
"He was also a whisky drinking Muslim willing to face down anyone who tried shaming him (I sat beside him on planes often and saw him get glares often when devout Muslims saw him drinking; "You tell me where in the Koran it is forbidden!")."
"Being willing to defy social convention/think for oneself can be pretty attractive if the result doesn't adversely affect others."
"Kindness, courtesy, modesty, including refusal of credit, generosity etc. are all good, but kindness is surely first. Courage to be different and to tolerate and respect difference work for me."
- ponolan
Respect
"When they make sure to respect dumb questions - laughing a bit if they know it won't deter the person asking them, but respecting them nevertheless."
Person B
"Me: 'So when I was camping I found a snake...' "
"Person A: 'Oh yeah that reminds me! A while ago a snake.—' "
"Person B: 'She was telling a story. You could tell yours after.' "
"Me: :)"
"Don't be like person A. Be like person B."
- MixItUp0
Admit It
"Admitting your mistakes, or freely admitting ignorance on topics outside your wheelhouse."
"Maybe it’s more of my intense hate for the folks out there who will NEVER admit wrong. I was married to one (borderline personality with a nasty victimhood kink)."
"So when someone embraces their imperfect nature, it exudes a confidence that a lot of people don’t have."
Rat Boys
"I have pet rats."
"A lot of people assume the worst with rats or are scared. Anyone who is kind/curious about them instantly gets points."
"I love to talk about them and show them off. My rat boys are just so sweet and cuddly and I like anyone who is willing to give them a chance."
Appreciate Input
"When they actually appreciate your skills and input even though you may view it yourself as very insignificant. Especially if that person praising you is someone far above the totem pole and they acknowledge your hard work."
A Change In Views
"If they are able to take in new info and change their viewpoint if given sufficient reason. Also if they can examine things from other viewpoints without needing to actually adopt that viewpoint."
"Makes for very interesting, productive, and pleasant conversations"
In general, the qualities that make someone instantly likable are those related to being kind, being compassionate, and being inclusive. Qualities we all can be intentional about fostering.
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Like maybe they don't mean to be. We hope they don't mean to be. Be it rooted in curiosity, an inability to empathize, or a wicked case of mouth-moves-faster-than-brain, we've all been asked a question or two that made us cringe.
You know the questions I mean. The ones that make you lock eyes with the other people around you like "wait, you heard that too right?" or whip out your phone to text your best friend like "you're never going to believe this"
Except they will believe it because, like we said earlier, people are rude AF and nothing is even that shocking anymore. Anderson Cooper straight up asked Lady Gaga what genitals she has. People straight up ask for a play-by-play rundown of what sex with you is like if you're into anything other than hetero missionary for the purposes of conception.
Speaking of conception, my partner and I lost an advanced pregnancy in mid-October of 2018. By Halloween we had people asking us when we were trying again. I hadn't even been home from the hospital for 48 hours when the first person gave us an actual real-life wink, wink, elbow nudge and asked if we were excited that we get to do "the fun part" of having kids all over again.
Who TF asks that!?!
To honor the spirit of camaraderie (and WTF-ness) let's all hop over to this Reddit thread where people are sharing the most insensitive, wtf, glare-inducing, personal, way over the line, intrusive questions people have asked them.
Ever roll your eyes so hard you give yourself a headache? Well, you're about to. Brace yourself. You're about to enter a world where people think encouraging suicide, asking about children's remains, and questioning if someone's cancer diagnosis was just them being "melodramatic" are all totally normal.
They're very not.
Robbed At Gunpoint
"Why did you give him the money" my managers response to me telling her I got robbed at gun point in our store.
In Your Situation
I broke my back when I was a teenager and am paralyzed from the waist down. A girl from school asked me, "Are you planning on killing yourself?"
Me: What? No. Why would I kill myself?
Her: It's just... if I was in your situation...
Double Whammy
When sitting my dad and step mom down to tell them I had cancer. "Are you sure? You're always over dramatic like your mother. She watched too many soap operas"
Then the following months after treatment and a major surgery they told people I didn't have cancer and I faked it. They were they there for the major surgery and the treatments...... So I get asked by family " did you really fake cancer?" Wtf.
The Receptionist
As a kid I got into a pretty serious accident that meant daily physical therapy for hours on end for over a year and a lot of time in a wheelchair.
I wasn't of driving age yet (and honestly, probably wouldn't / couldn't have driven myself even if I could).
One day my mum was late to picking me up so I was waiting in the lobby and the receptionist basically said, "Do you even say thank you? Your parents have to deal with a lot because of you, driving you in and out of here every day. Do you even show them you're grateful?"
Like yes, I do. But also, who the hell are you?
Mama Bear Mode
Giphy"Oh, so you want a Twithx?"
I'm 30 now, but grew up with a lisp. Was in speech therapy for years. When I was about 8 yrs old or so, I went up to a concession stand at my brother's little league game. Asked to buy a Twix.
The teenage guy behind the counter, trying to impress his lady coworker, decided to repeat my words back to me. Made me cry. One of the only times in my life I've ever seen my mom go full Momma Bear. She asked me why I was upset, and when I told her, she marched up to that dinky little stand and tore the guy a new one.
But yeah, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw this question. Weird how little things like that stick with you. Some people fcking suck, but then you get to see the ones who don't. Like my mom. Defender of the little people. Love her.
A Daughter's Murder
They asked how my daughter was murdered. I said a knife. They then said "but i mean how? You found her tell me how. What did she look like. Was she tortured?"
This was not a member of law enforcement. They don't ask questions like that. This was a stranger who saw our story on the news and came up to me in a crowded public place when I was with my older daughter and newborn grandson.
I did not react with violence. I was still in shock and numb it was a surreal experience. I responded very loudly that her questions were inappropriate. She came up to me talking super loud that she had saw us on the news so she got everyone's attention.
I figured I'd speak loud enough for everyone to hear in case any of them didn't know it was rude to ask things like that they'd learn that day. She then walked away.
Took a picture (heard her camera go off as she pointed it at us) then called someone and proceeded to loudly tell them she talked to us. I wish I could say this was the only inconsiderate person we've dealt with sadly I cant. But I will say we have had more positive interactions with strangers then negative.
Cremation Questions
Soon after I got home from cremating my child, someone asked if the cremation left chunks of bone and, if so, do they grind that down. Thankfully I saw the humor in it, largely because I could see his wife wanted to kill him.
Arranging A Seizure
I have a seizure-like disorder: chorea-athetosis. They present themselves in these really inconvenient episodes where I lose partial control of body parts.
One time, I was on a date with a dude, and after I told him of my situation he said "Wow it'd be pretty hot to have you seize while we're doing it?. Think you could arrange that?"
Didn't bother with him after that.
Hooray For A Miscarriage?
"Well aren't you happy you had a miscarriage then...or you'd be a single mom now". Asked by my mom while trying to "comfort" me after my fiance cheated. Yeah, no actually, a late traumatic miscarriage + depression+ hormones does NOT make me happy even if he did cheat. But thanks!
Burning
Giphy"How does it feel to know your mother is burning in hell?"
After telling my friends mom that my family didn't really subscribe to God or religion. She didn't miss a beat, and then tried to double down why she was right.
- Ithxero
The Perks Of Disability
As a 19 year old disabled woman, I've been asked tons of insensitive things- the most is probably a tie between someone asking me if I'm using a walker for the "perks", and if I'm faking my disability for better accommodation at university.
I cant handwrite, can barely walk without assistance, and cant stand for periods of time. What are the perks and where can I get them??
- mi_ugh
To Make Him Do It
"Why did you tell me? And what did you do to make him do it?"
Asked by a family member after I told them about the abuse I suffered from my ex husband...finally felt safe to talk about it after 6 years and that was the response.
Prettier When You DON'T Smile
When I was 16 I got asked by some random guy at my aunt's house if I knew that I was prettier when I wasn't smiling. I've always been self conscious of my teeth and he made it so much worse. I'm 28 now and still hate them but will at least smile in some pics.
Unwanted
My parents weren't in a good relationship and I was raised by my grandparents. My dad went MIA when I was very young (big shocker) Anyways in elementary school a teacher of all people asked "So you're parents didn't want you? How does that make you feel?" Which wasn't even true. My mother is a great and loving person, she just works night shifts and is scarred from her relationship with my father and couldn't take care of me.
Volume
No question, but a statement.
My ex was a typical gaslighter who wanted to control every aspect of my life. He was against my family and friends and tried to kept me away from them. I was very unhappy and gained a lot of weight during that relationship. I had always issues with my weight and had an eating disorder in my teenage years.
After years of psychological abuse I found the strength to leave my ex (thanks to my mum and my best friend!). I've even met a wonderful, intelligent and very lovely new boyfriend. We are in a long distance relationship, but we are skyping every night. And sometimes we get... A little bit naughty during that cam sessions.
It was one of our first sessions.. After the smut.. I was naked and happy, so was he too and he told me out of the blue "I need to get used to your body volume"
Those were his exact words. It hit me like a ton of bricks, merely because my weight was never an issue before that day for him I thought. I felt sexy for him and if we have "real sex" it does never seem that my weight is bugging him at all. We are happy but the statement is still burnt in my mind..
Not as serious as most of the stories here. But that is my story.
Marie
I've received plenty of rude comments from my family regarding my weight, but this one stands out.
My two sisters and I were on our hockey practice with our teammates. Our professor divided us by groups, and my oldest sister and I ended up in the same group.
One of our teammates at the time was an overweight girl, Marie, who let it slip once that she was there specifically to lose weight.
When we were in the group, my sister asked me: "Do you want to end up like Marie? Then lose weight."
This one is worse than the others because Marie was right next to us, in the other group. I hated that moment, and I'm sure Marie hated it even more. Marie quit playing hockey later in the year. It's sad, she's a really nice girl.
How Not To Act, Indeed
"Well have you at least learned your lesson now about how not to act around guys?" After I told an adult I trusted very much that I had been raped.
A Little Threesome To Cheer You Up
My boyfriend had taken his life 3 days prior and I was in a place of crying myself to exhaustion and someone who was meant to be my best friend phoned me asking if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend to cheer me up now that I was single.
Safe to say we're not friends anymore.
