Children are not for everyone. Yes, to some they are "bundles of joy," but to others, they are simply not a good choice.
For example-children are expensive. Most millennials don't make a ton of money, hardly enough to support themselves, let alone a family.
Others see the state of the world and think, "Why would I bring a child into this?"
Here were some of those answers.
Not My Style
There doesnt have to be a reason. I dont want to raise kids. You can choose not to work a desk job or choose not to own a vehicle without a big discussion, but if you choose to not have children, people suddenly get interested in your business. I don't want to. Simple as that
Not Responsible Enough
The idea of being in charge of another human being, scares me.
It seems like a lot of things can inadvertently go wrong, even if you try your damn hardest to be the best parent you can possibly be. I mean, just take a look around you, at your peers or even at yourself. Pretty much no one comes out of their childhood unscathed. You got humans raising humans, so there's bound to be mistakes made along the way.
It's a lot of responsibility. It's a lot of time and it's a lot of money.
More power to the people who choose to become parents but I wish more people took the time to better understand the full commitment that they are about to embark on for the rest of their lives. When you become a parent, you no longer live your own life, your life now revolves around making sure that you are providing the best possible life for your child. It can mean a lot of sacrificing to ensure that your child has a better life.
For many people, just because they can have a kid, it doesn't mean that they should.
That's my two cents. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't ever, ever, ever want to go thorough pregnancy. It's terrifying to me. Also I just don't think I'd be a good parent. I'm still recovering from my own childhood; I shouldn't be responsible for someone else's.
Not My Path
I just don't see the appeal.
People have different dreams in life.
Some want to achieve great things, some want to help other life, some want to conquer the planet that has life, some want to look for undiscovered life.
It just happens that the natural biological imperative is to reproduce & make more life - hence the idea is so common.
I just don't want to do that, simple as.
I feel like I'd ruin them. I feel like I'd be an awful mother and make my child grow to resent me. I feel like I would completely fail a small human, or at the very least my self hatred would be reflected onto them and they would feel less loved and valued because of my mental illnesses.
Peace And Quiet
I just have no desire to. Having kids is too much of a hassle and I would much rather spend my time and money on myself than on a child. Plus, I enjoy the freedom and peaceful quietness that I get from being childfree.
Personally I don't see how it could make me happy. I'm very insecure about my own body and I would hate it so much more if I got pregnant and had a child. I never think I'm good enough at anything so I would kill myself worrying about if I'm a good enough parent. I don't see how dealing with behaviour, eating being a hassle, never having time for yourself, a child waking you up early, having someone else to worry about, and having more expenses could possibly make anyone happy. Maybe I will change my mind when I'm older, but I won't even be thinking about having a child until I'm fully happy with myself and my mental health has improved.
Money Money Money
The cost of having a child, plus I have a lovely host of diseases on both sides of my family that I could potentially pass on to my hypothetical child (Alzheimer's, diabetes, high blood pressure, weight problems, and so on).
Plus I don't want my life to be restricted - if I want to go on holiday, I don't want to have to wait until school holiday time so my child can come too (plus then you end up paying double the price, because that's when everyone wants to travel somewhere). If I want to move from one house to another (or hell, from one country to another), I don't want to have to worry about finding a house in the radius of a good school. I also don't want to constantly fret about my child's academic development - getting them into good primary schools (the best one in my city charges something ridiculous like $40,000 per annum for years 1-6), then worrying about getting them into a good university, and so on.
I want to be able to live my life freely - spend my income on fun things like a quick weekend getaway to the wine country, or whatever. I don't want to tie myself down.
Family history for disorders like autism, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia. Thankfully all I have is anxiety, but my mental health combined with the thought of having a child that struggles similarly or worse scares me. For the longest time I dreamed of the marriage/kids route, but there are a lot of "what-ifs" that have made me decide it would not be good for me or the child. It's hard enough some days for me to keep my shit together, adding a child on top of that seems like a not good idea.
A Bad Direction For The World
The environment is only gonna get worse tbh, the competition in schools and the workplace as well. Also, children are expensive and it's a little hard to travel the world for months when you have kids around. And I guess kids seem like they could turn out nasty too easily and I don't really wanna deal with that. That's probably about all the reasons.
Motherhood is a trap. If you stay home you have no income that you could possibly use to regain your independence if your relationship fails, if you keep working people think you're a bad mother, and no matter what, as the woman the majority of the housework and childrearing will be dumped on you (even if your partner says he'll do his fair share)
Having kids chains you to the person you have them with. It stifles your dreams for yourself, every good part of yourself is sucked out for the kids.
It's a straight up snare trap that you can never escape from (from my perspective)
A Hugely Analytical Look
Having kids is a bizarre combination of selfish and selfless behavior. You have to give up your autonomy completely, a totally selfless act right? Except you're doing it in the name of creating a half copy of you in order to maintain the future spreading of your DNA all over the world. I think a lot of people do it just because it's "what your supposed to do" and end up dropping the ball and creating dead weight in the world or worse. I think child rearing is only something worth doing if you put in 100% and I am not prepared to commit to that. If you drop the ball you may well be making the world shittier because of your selfish whim to clone yourself
A few different things, one big reason is that I am consumed with my goals and I worry that I would be absent or resentful. A second concern is that the child would become a project and that I would push them too hard. It's an atmosphere I grew up in and, while it has shaped me in a big way, it created a lot of anger and resentment.
When It Passes Along
Aside from enjoying my lifestyle as it is (which would basically become nonexistent since my hobbies are both expensive and not child conducive) my real answer is that my mother has suffered with depression her whole life and so have I and I can't imagine creating something I love more than anything only to pass (essentially) my family defect onto them and watch them suffer with it for their entire life.
Kids? Ew, Next
I just kind of don't like children.
I don't like people much to begin with, but I get on with some people if we have similar senses of humour or interests.
Kids are like extra-annoying miniature people. They're loud, obnoxious. They require near constant care/supervision/attention until they're 13/14 or so. They ask stupid questions and require me to dedicate large chunks of my time and attention to them, much less bankroll everything they need - which is a lot.
The upside is, what? I get a child that lives in my house and calls me "Mum"? That's a terrible trade!
It's Much Too Hard
Not a solid never, but I nannied for 7 years and helped raise 2 sets of kids (3 infants from newborn to 4/5 year old kids).
Being a nanny you get to see the dynamic of the families you work with and you also are the person mom and dad vent to and it just seems really... hard? Especially with all the stress with the world we live in, should they be enrolled in more activities? Should we be doing more at home with them? If they're not in private school Will they get a decent education and go to college? How do we pay for that? Who will pay for braces? Who will pay for therapy if something traumatic happens or they need help? Who can watch them when both parents work?
I respect parents but I'm just not sure that I want to bring a child into this mess nor am I sure that I want to allocate all my funds and time to raising a little tiny person. It's a giant commitment and seeing it from the inside, I'm Just not sure it's the choice I want to make for myself..
Fathers love their kids. There's no question about that. But fathers have one major advantage when it comes to babies--they don't have to do the physical labor.
Giving birth itself, well...it's painful. We all know that. But men have the luxury of not totally knowing.
But what if they had to?
Here were some of those answers.
The Details Matter
It depends what hole they are going to come out of.... lol otherwise yes. I love being a dad!
No From Me Dawg
Hell no! I wanted kids and so did my wife. We had kids and I love em all, and I am so proud of my wife and impressed with what she did - but I wouldn't want to go through it. Gaining weight, I could do that. Swollen ankles, nausea, being uncomfortable all the time...ok. But the actual birth? No. Even with all the medications, hell no.
Now, take this for what it's worth coming from a guy on the internet, but I'm a pretty tough guy. I can push myself pretty hard and if I can walk off some pretty serious injuries (or at least not cry while I'm getting carried off). But one of the worst things in the world isn't getting hurt, it's knowing you are going to get hurt, bad, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
In 8 months you are going to feel the worst pain you have ever felt. in 6 months. In 2. In a week. Tomorrow. 4 hours. 1 hour. 15 minutes...
That is psychological torture.
(Regarding the countdown, we had an induced labor)
The Risk Involved
Not a father but I may want children in the future...
I would feel the same. Having children is a terrifying (and beautiful) prospect, even not having to carry the pregnancy. I'm both scared and drawn to it, regardless. I would be scared for my SO's and children's health and well being both for during the pregnancy and worried that I would not be a good enough parent in the upbringing. I'm pretty confident that I could do a good job, but I also think it would be naive not to have misgivings. For the actual pregnancy as is I would be worried about my SO's health. Pregnancies and deliveries still do frequently enough go wrong and end up dangerous, and it seems like all pregnancies do have permanent physical consequences. In some way it would almost be easier being able to face that myself rather than see a loved one risk it, but it would also be a difficult thing to face as the one at risk too.
It Makes It All Harder
I wanted one, maybe two, so it's not like I'd have been birthing an army. Now at 2 and no one has to worry about pregnancies anymore.
Honestly I'm always slightly shocked we're not dying off planet wide, we need to average more than 2 each just to maintain and I can't imagine either side choosing to go for 3+
Yes. I just watched my wife give birth all natural (no pain killers) a month ago. Most women will not want to hear this, but I honestly believe I could crush it. I'd be like those MMA fighters on youtube getting pepper-sprayed, then attacking a punching bag. The whole maternity ward would hear me. I'd be like "YEAH, I'M CRUSHING IT!!!!" And they would know what's up.
Love being a dad but envied absolutely nothing about pregnancy, labour of delivery.
Ladies deserve much more credit for what they endure and sacrifice!
Yes. I want two and I would happily carry them myself if I could spare my girlfriend the pain.
Yes, I would want the same amount of kids. Zero kids still remains zero.
Dad Forced To Deliver His Own Baby At Home With Just One Hand After His Wife Went Into Labor While He Had A Broken Thumb
A dad was forced to deliver his own baby at home using just one hand after his wife went into labor and gave birth - while his broken hand was in a cast.
Jade Brown, 24, went into labor in the middle of the night and it happened so quickly she had to give birth at home on the sofa.
Rhys Darby's left arm was in a huge plaster cast because he had just broken his thumb in three places, leaving him unable to use it at all.
But that didn't stop Rhys, 28, who safely caught baby Ariana in one had - while also juggling towels and a phone.
Paramedics arrived minutes later and Rhys quipped "I've done your job for you" before they cut the cord and took mom and baby to the hospital.
The family are now safely back home in Sunderland, Tyne and Wear, England - and Rhys joked changing diapers with one hand was just as hard as delivering babies one-armed.
"I had the cast on one hand and a phone in the other - trying to deliver a baby! I was running around trying to find towels while the woman on the line was trying to give me instructions."
"I bent down and stuck my hand out and the baby just came out. The ambulance arrived two minutes later and they cut the umbilical cord. I said: 'It's alright - I've done your job for you!'"
"It's funny - Jade was adamant in the run up that she didn't want me near the business area during the birth. I should have brought my baseball glove - then it would have been fine! But it was quite scary."
"I was so glad that Rhys got to be so involved with the birth of our baby girl and I am so proud of him for delivering her - especially with a cast on his arm."
"He was amazing during and after the birth and he's an amazing dad to Ariana."
Rhys broke his thumb when he fell backwards playing five-on-five soccer for the first time in six years.
His arm was put into a bright blue plaster cast from his knuckles to the middle of his forearm for eight weeks.
A week later girlfriend Jade's water broke when she bent down to pick up a sock, and they went to the hospital, but she wasn't dilated enough and they were sent home, on June 19.
"We were told to come back the next afternoon if nothing happened and they would start her off, so we went home. Jade tried to get some sleep, but by 2am the pain was overwhelming."
"I was trying to just breathe through [the contractions], but they were getting more intense so I went downstairs and sat with Rhys."
"I was squeezing his hand every time I got a contraction but as time went on I couldn't cope with the pain and told Rhys we needed to go to the hospital."
They called for a taxi, but when things got more serious Rhys dialed 999 and was connected to an operator who told him the ambulance was on the way.
But the situation escalated and he had to get involved.
"After a few pushes, our baby girl Ariana was born on the settee," said Jade.
"I remember lying with her on my chest and I couldn't believe how quick it all happened."
Ariana's official time of birth was 4:23am.
"Jade had no pain relief apart from a couple of paracetamol and some gas and air in the ambulance."
"I had wanted to do the honor of cutting the umbilical cord but the paramedics said I shouldn't, because of the situation."
"Apparently we were quite lucky. Lots of stuff could have gone wrong. Ariana is a miracle, really. She was conceived two months after Jade had a miscarriage."
A spokesperson for North East Ambulance Service confirmed a crew attended.
There are unspoken boundaries you just don't cross as a bridesmaid—like stealing the bride's spotlight to make an announcement about yourself.
But one bridesmaid went there.
Redditor "hipposarelife" became resentful after one of her best friends upstaged her wedding—that was two years in the making—with news of her pregnancy.
The original poster then asked users if she was the "a$$hole" for being upset.
"I got married two weekends ago. I asked my three best friends Anna, Kelly and Laura to be my bridesmaids 2 years before the wedding and found them very helpful when planning."
What is it about Laura?
"For the morning of my wedding I hired a fancy penthouse apartment for myself and the bridesmaids to get ready. We had champagne and as we were pouring it out, Laura said none for her."
"Now Laura is the biggest party animal of us all so naturally we questioned why she wasn't drinking. Laura then told us she was pregnant."
The OP felt threatened by Laura's good news encroaching on the main event.
"Of course I was happy for her but obviously the focus was then on Laura and her pregnancy and not us getting ready for my wedding, something I had been planning for 2 years."
"Anyway. We all got ready and headed to the venue. The photographer kept us outside the venue for a short while so he could do posed photos with myself and the bridesmaids."
As the photographer arranged for the obligatory group shot, Laura decided to break convention with a personal pose.
"I was holding my bouquet, Anna and Kelly were holding theirs but Laura placed hers on the floor and was standing with her hands cradling her stomach as if to emphasize her bump (which wasn't noticeable as she's barely 12 weeks)."
"The photographer asked her to pick her flowers up so all of us were holding our bouquets and Laura refused and said 'oh it's ok I'd prefer to stand like this' and carried on cradling her stomach."
"So now those photos just look weird."
"The rest of the day went smoothly until it came to the speeches. As Laura was my oldest friend naturally I asked her to say a few words."
The speech was promising, until it wasn't.
"She stood up and said some nice words, then ended her speech with 'and I'm so excited to announce that as Bride's best friend, I'd like her to be an honorary aunt to my baby who is due summer 2020!.'"
"With her being an old family friend of course my family were over the moon and again the attention was on her and her pregnancy and not me and my husband."
These are the things that ruin friendships.
"I felt so upset on my wedding day and haven't really spoke to Laura much since."
"She has since sent me a text saying I'm acting like a spoiled brat and the world doesn't revolve around me."
The OP asked if she was "not the a$$hole" (NTA) for being upset and distancing herself from Laura.
Redditors were happy to respond.
"At first it seemed innocuous enough because you asked about her not drinking, but she spent the rest of the day deliberately drawing attention to her pregnancy and that's rude af."
"You have every right to be upset and she owes you an apology, most specifically for using her toast to make an announcement to your entire wedding reception." – knifewrenchhh
"Yeah, she essentially used your wedding photos as her pregnancy photoshoot... NTA for sure." – snoozin_sarandon
"I would have had the other bridesmaids change their pose so they're all doing the same thing. F**k that attention seeking brat, I don't care if you're excited the condom broke, let your friend have her day, ffs." – booksblanketsandtea
"OP's situation is as bad as someone proposing to their significant other at a wedding, or the bride's mother wearing a wedding dress."
"Any one of these is an outrageous and insanely rude usurpation of someone else's wedding that they paid for, not you. Your wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, or brides, or grooms. If someone else wants the spotlight to be on them, they can pay for it. Holy crap."
"I'm especially shocked that Laura refused to stand the way OP asked for when she wasn't paying for the photos. Now she's stuck with photos that look weird - which she paid hundreds or even thousands of dollars for - because someone else was conceited." – HellKat1988
"Talk about stealing the spotlight. It seems to me that she had ample time to say something prior to YOUR wedding day."
"Then once she has hijacked the mood she doubles and triples down on it. Extremely rude." – toddfredd
Photoshop can work wonders.
"Shop it so she's cradling a large vase of flowers!" – buickgnx88
"Oh my god, you could make a whole photoshop series with her cradling ridiculous things. PLEASE do this." – jokeyhaha
"Please put in a bouquet, but instead of a flower make it a tiny 12 week old fetus on each stem." – saltysanford
But the photographer could have intervened.
"I think either that the photographer or the OP should have said something."
"Like it sucks that it progressed the way it did, but if I were in OP's shoes, I'd shut that s**t down."
"'That's nice that you prefer standing that way, but we're doing my wedding pictures right now and I don't need you baby bumping without a baby bump. How about we do a couple shots at the end for you, and you can use those if you want to announce it after my wedding is over.'"
"You teach people how to treat you. And yes, the photographer should have also pushed back. Laura didn't pay for those pictures, OP did." – StrangerOnTheReddit
"Am I off base to think that the photographer should've made more of an effort to intervene?"
"I mean, I know conflict resolution isn't in the official job description, but I feel like wrangling the wedding party and setting up a good shot is, and someone really skilled & experienced at the job might have been able to speak up in the client's best interest without making a scene." – LittleDogTurpie
This is something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, but worth considering before creating a lasting memory for someone else's wedding photo.
"As someone who has had several miscarriages, to document the pregnancy in such a permanent way could be painful for the friend and others in the long run."
"During my first pregnancy I wouldn't have thought it would end in miscarriage, but I wouldn't have used my friend's wedding day for my glory either." – elainemarieseinfeld
"That's what I was thinking! 12 weeks is still early. I miscarried at 12 weeks."
"Luckily our family/best friends were the only ones who knew so we didn't have to tell a bunch of people. I cant imagine having those pictures to remind me of it, plus having to tell all those people!"
"You KNOW somebody who didn't hear about the miscarriage would ask her about the baby in a few months and that would be awful to have to explain." – JustLetMeGetAName
"I could not agree more! I've lost four all within the first 10 weeks. I could not imagine taking pictures cradling my stomach that early, or at someone else's wedding."
"Now I was nine months pregnant as a bridesmaid in my brother in law's wedding. The photographer took several shots centered on my big stomach which made me very uncomfortable."
"Thankfully the bride thought it was funny, but the one picture with my brother in law holding a cup to my stomach trying to listen to the baby was just too weird." – Stevi100183
This family understood the proper way of making sure both occasions were equally celebrated.
"So going to second the NTA. We found out we were expecting our first (and my family's first) child a few days before my brother's wedding."
"The only way he and his bride figured this out was because my wife wasn't drinking (something she is very skilled at). It was during the reception that they asked and we quietly confirmed. A quick private congratulations from them and then all the attention was back on them."
"We didn't say a word to anyone, particularly my family, that day. Of course, the next day, once the newlyweds had left for their honeymoon, we shared with my family. And everyone was over the moon. And easy to feel this way about both the new marriage and the child to come."
"And my wife and I were seen as respectful for waiting to share the news. And my brother and wife were more than happy for us as the pregnancy progressed." – tpodr
Can the ladies come back from this and one day look back and laugh?
"Hey, but those photos of her cradling what are essentially trapped farts in her abdomen will be hilarious once things have cooled off a bit." – avocado_toast
There are times and places for things, and we could all do better by staying in our respective lanes.
Guy Seeks Advice After His Wife Claims She Has Postpartum Depression And Needs To Take A Month-Long Vacation Away From Her Newborn Baby
Pregnancy is supposed to be a new adventure for a growing family.
Though it can be exhausting and even scary at times, bringing a new baby home is meant to be a joyous occasion.
For women struggling with various forms of depression and anxiety, however, becoming a brand new mom can feel insurmountable. It can become difficult for her loved ones around her to cope, as well.
When a couple came home with their eight-year-old sons and newborn baby girl, the husband thought they had everything worked out. He had paid time off from work, which he would use to help his wife take care of the home and the new baby.
He soon discovered, however, that he was doing all the work in the home, while his wife didn't bond with the baby. He attempted to discuss the situation with her, as well as various ways to fix it, all to very little avail.
Finally, his wife discussed with him something she wanted to do, which enraged her husband.
The husband, Reddit user "throw27373," wrote into the "Am I the A$hole" subReddit, no longer knowing if he did the right thing.
You can read the full account here:
Most Redditers who replied were sympathetic to the situation, some even echoing the thoughts of divorce.
Most attributed the wife's behavior to a probable case of Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Psychosis, and encouraged the husband to assist his wife in going to her OB-GYN or a mental health professional as soon as possible.
"OP definitely needs to get her to a doctor to get started on meds. Also, just in case OP isn't aware, your wife is only 6 weeks out of childbirth."
"She WILL have follow up appointments with her OB to make sure she is healing correctly and getting back to normal. These appointments are crucial because the doctor will ask her very specifically about her moods and mental state."
"If you can, PLEASE go to these appointments with her and encourage her to be honest." - jujubeeee23
"She wants to abandon her month and half old baby to go party for a month. If that's not serious enough to warrant therapy then what is?!" - Im_Ashe_Man
"I'm exactly like this when my depression gets bad. At times I don't have the wherewithal to even phone in my prescriptions, which makes it even worse."
"I was bad just before my meds changed in November, and my friends wanted me to organise an online draw for a secret Santa and I just couldn't do it. I can't explain why simple things suddenly become insurmountable, but they do." - DoubtfulChilli
"PPD isn't just being sad. It can cause psychosis."
"You literally aren't thinking straight. You aren't able to make decisions the way you used to."
"This isn't just her being a spiteful bitch. PPD is a well documented issue that happens to a lot of women (and some men) who have had children."
"Take it seriously. You can't WILL away PPD by 'wanting to get better'."
"At some point, people in her life need to step in to make decisions. Have you talked to your pediatrician? To the OBGYN who delivered the baby?" - mowotlarx
Very few people commented on the question of whether the husband was the a$hole, because there were more serious issues at hand, regarding the sons, the new baby girl and the condition of the mother.
Though the appearance of depression and other symptoms after a baby is born can be frustrating and even disheartening, they are very real causes for concern. Treating these symptoms not only will help the mother now, but will improve on her relationship with her child and the well-being of the family in the long-run.