Guy Seeks Advice After His Wife Claims She Has Postpartum Depression And Needs To Take A Month-Long Vacation Away From Her Newborn Baby
Pregnancy is supposed to be a new adventure for a growing family.
Though it can be exhausting and even scary at times, bringing a new baby home is meant to be a joyous occasion.
For women struggling with various forms of depression and anxiety, however, becoming a brand new mom can feel insurmountable. It can become difficult for her loved ones around her to cope, as well.
When a couple came home with their eight-year-old sons and newborn baby girl, the husband thought they had everything worked out. He had paid time off from work, which he would use to help his wife take care of the home and the new baby.
He soon discovered, however, that he was doing all the work in the home, while his wife didn't bond with the baby. He attempted to discuss the situation with her, as well as various ways to fix it, all to very little avail.
Finally, his wife discussed with him something she wanted to do, which enraged her husband.
The husband, Reddit user "throw27373," wrote into the "Am I the A$hole" subReddit, no longer knowing if he did the right thing.
You can read the full account here:
AITA for telling my wife she doesn’t have post-partum depression? : AmItheAsshole from AmItheAsshole
Most Redditers who replied were sympathetic to the situation, some even echoing the thoughts of divorce.
Most attributed the wife's behavior to a probable case of Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Psychosis, and encouraged the husband to assist his wife in going to her OB-GYN or a mental health professional as soon as possible.
"OP definitely needs to get her to a doctor to get started on meds. Also, just in case OP isn't aware, your wife is only 6 weeks out of childbirth."
"She WILL have follow up appointments with her OB to make sure she is healing correctly and getting back to normal. These appointments are crucial because the doctor will ask her very specifically about her moods and mental state."
"If you can, PLEASE go to these appointments with her and encourage her to be honest." - jujubeeee23
"She wants to abandon her month and half old baby to go party for a month. If that's not serious enough to warrant therapy then what is?!" - Im_Ashe_Man
"I'm exactly like this when my depression gets bad. At times I don't have the wherewithal to even phone in my prescriptions, which makes it even worse."
"I was bad just before my meds changed in November, and my friends wanted me to organise an online draw for a secret Santa and I just couldn't do it. I can't explain why simple things suddenly become insurmountable, but they do." - DoubtfulChilli
"PPD isn't just being sad. It can cause psychosis."
"You literally aren't thinking straight. You aren't able to make decisions the way you used to."
"This isn't just her being a spiteful bitch. PPD is a well documented issue that happens to a lot of women (and some men) who have had children."
"Take it seriously. You can't WILL away PPD by 'wanting to get better'."
"At some point, people in her life need to step in to make decisions. Have you talked to your pediatrician? To the OBGYN who delivered the baby?" - mowotlarx
Very few people commented on the question of whether the husband was the a$hole, because there were more serious issues at hand, regarding the sons, the new baby girl and the condition of the mother.
Though the appearance of depression and other symptoms after a baby is born can be frustrating and even disheartening, they are very real causes for concern. Treating these symptoms not only will help the mother now, but will improve on her relationship with her child and the well-being of the family in the long-run.
The FDA Has Approved The First Drug To Treat Postpartum Depression—But It'll Cost You
Most medications in the US are staggeringly expensive, but new ones are often the worst.
According to the American Psychological Association, approximately one in seven women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD).
The APA describes the possible symptoms of PPD as:
- A loss of pleasure or interest in things you used to enjoy, including sex
- Eating much more, or much less, than you usually do
- Anxiety—all or most of the time—or panic attacks
- Racing, scary thoughts
- Feeling guilty or worthless—blaming yourself
- Excessive irritability, anger or agitation—mood swings
- Sadness, crying uncontrollably for very long periods of time
- Fear of not being a good mother
- Fear of being left alone with the baby
- Misery
- Inability to sleep, sleeping too much, difficulty falling or staying asleep
- Disinterest in the baby, family, and friends
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions
- Thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby (see below for numbers to call to get immediate help).
PPD can affect anyone who has recently given birth, whether it is their first child or not. Socioeconomic class, race, age, education or location make no difference.
The FDA has just approved a drug specifically for the treatment of PPD, and it is making waves. Partially because it is a revolutionary development, and partially because of the sheer cost of that treatment.
According to Vox, the treatment will cost around $34,000, not including the price of the hospital stay necessary to administer it.
Anyone seeking brexanolone (trade name Zolressa) has to check themselves into a hospital certified to administer the drug.
Treatment will take 60 hours of constant IV infusion, necessitating a multi-day hospital stay.
For those with severe PPD, though, the price and the process may be worth it.
Dr. Lucy Puryear, who is the medical director of Center for Reproductive Psychiatry at Texas Children's Pavilion for Women in Houston and who was not involved with the clinical trials in any way, described brexanolone as a "game changer" for those with severe PPD:
"These are women who often are thinking about dying. They aren't able to function, aren't getting out of bed."
There were many people on social media heartened to hear there was a new and effective PPD treatment.
@cnnbrk Wonderful news for new moms! Having been part of a postpartum depression outpatient program I am so encouraged— Leslie #MyAmerica (@Leslie #MyAmerica) 1553037448
@cnnbrk This is HUGE for women's mental health! As an organization dedicated to helping moms, dads, providers and b… https://t.co/MpIrd9rWLg— Postpartum Support International (PSI) (@Postpartum Support International (PSI)) 1553103050
Several people commented on the sheer price of the drug.
@cnnbrk I think this sounds amazing, but the cost of it is just insane. How many people could realistically afford… https://t.co/LNyCjUoA0h— zanni (@zanni) 1553108190
@sarahkliff Why should any drug cost so much?— OkeyMor Taking a stand for justice with receipts (@OkeyMor Taking a stand for justice with receipts) 1553089477
@NIMHDirector @cbulik @nytimes Shame it requires 60 hr infusion, 30k/dose price tag, and hospitalization to receive (+ cost of hospital).— Abby Sarrett-Cooper (@Abby Sarrett-Cooper) 1553087557
Others noted the effects of the method of delivery.
@NIMHDirector @cbulik @nytimes Shame it requires 60 hr infusion, 30k/dose price tag, and hospitalization to receive (+ cost of hospital).— Abby Sarrett-Cooper (@Abby Sarrett-Cooper) 1553087557
Dr. Samantha Meltzer-Brody, director of perinatal psychiatry at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and principal investigator of the clinical trials for brexanolone, commented on the promise of the drug:
"This is for postpartum depression, but it is a step in understanding how we treat depression more broadly. We have had the same treatments for depression for 30 years. There's an enormous need for new, novel ways to treat depression, and to treat it quickly."
If you think you might be suffering from PPD, consult your doctor. If you are worried you might harm yourself or your family, here are some ways to get immediate help:
- Postpartum Health Alliance's 24-hour hotline: 1-800-PPD-MOMS
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
If you just need to talk to someone who understands, here are some good options:
- Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773
- Postpartum Health Alliance's warmline (staffed by people who have overcome PPD and know the struggle): 619-254-0023
PPD can be overcome, and this new treatment is another tool in the doctors' arsenal.
Woman Blames Herself For Delivering Baby Prematurely, And Her Husband Seeks Advice For How To Help
Having a baby prematurely, for many women, can be very traumatizing and lead to PTSD or in this case, severe Postpartum-depression. What's a husband to do when his wife blames herself, even though the baby is healthy?
SensitiveRow6 is desperate for a way to help his wife.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
My wife, Jamie, and I didn't plan to get pregnant, but we did. We were surprisingly happy about it and started planning for our little family.
Jamie did everything right during the pregnancy, but our baby girl decided that she wanted to be born ridiculously early about four weeks ago. Things are looking up for us, she's getting stronger by the day and is doing great, all things considered.
Jamie isn't doing as well, however. She loves our baby with the whole of her heart and I almost have to drag her away from the hospital to get some sleep and a shower. But she keeps blaming herself for what happened. She thinks that there's something she did wrong, even though the doctors have told us that this is just something that happens occasionally.
She spends hours at home just googling things that could cause early labor and tries to convince herself that she's done all of those things, though she definitely didn't.
I've managed to get her to go and see a psychiatrist and she's gotten diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression. She just recently started treatment for it, so there hasn't been much change yet.
My question is: what can I do to help her?
I do a lot around the house, but I don't want to do everything so that she still has something to busy herself with if she needs to. Of course, if she doesn't feel up for it, I do it. I don't want to put extra pressure on her.
Thanks in advance!
Also, I'm sorry if this is a bit ramble-y. I haven't slept well lately, for obvious reasons.
TL;DR: Baby was born extremely early and wife blames herself. She's been diagnosed with PPD. What can I do to help?