I wish I had some sort of tradition.
“grandfather”
Water Smiling GIFGiphy"Went over to my Laotian friends house when I was little and upon entering his house he said I had to remove my shoes and bow to his grandfather. When he said 'grandfather' he pointed to a fish mounted on the wall. Thinking it was some kind of reincarnation thing I did it and was instantly berated and laughed at by his whole family."
pistonkamel
Just Like A Pill
"So, I was invited to my friend's grandmother's home for Thanksgiving. I was new to the area and I had no family near so I graciously accepted. My buddy, Jason, gave me the breakdown of his extended family that was going to be in attendance. His parents were divorced but would both be attending. His grandparents were married but legally separated and lived apart, but Grandfather would attending."
"His Uncle Carl would be there with his 'mail order bride' and their young son. His other Uncle Ted, was openly gay and battling AIDS. He and his lover would also be there. So I have set the stage, you can probably picture all of them in your mind. In person, it exceeded my imagination. Ted’s boyfriend wore cowboy chaps to dinner. They were all very colorful and animated, the pre dinner discussions were riveting."
"As we were seated for the meal, Jason’s grandmother (Sara) took out an Altoids tin, took two and began passing it around the table. I watched as everyone took 1-2 and immediately took them and washed them down with a drink. Jason got the tin and did the same. I asked him, why is everyone swallowing Altoids before supper? They all laughed. He said oh, these are Valium."
"We learned several years ago that as we gather for Thanksgiving we drank and arguments ensued. So one year my Uncle said, we should all just take a Valium at the beginning of the meal so we can all just chill the hell out. They all laughed hysterically and agreed."
"I passed on the offer and handed the tin to Jason’s mom as next in line. And as the evening played out, they all essentially zoned out during dinner, no fights transpired, and they considered it a successful Thanksgiving. I would have never imagined this would happen, but it was a damn fun experience."
petey001
"impressionable"
"When I was 11 I stayed at my aunt's house over the school holidays with my 13yr old brother, she had a rule that we couldn't watch any tv shows that she considered 'impressionable.' That meant no cartoons, namely Dragon Ball Z and Pokemon. We missed the end of the Cell Saga. My brother was pissed, he hasn't let it go to this day, over 20 years later."
newbzealand
I think this counts...
"Drank slightly-chocolaty water for a month. I think this counts. Years back I was prospecting for a field site on a very remote island in the south pacific. It was sufficiently remote that having me in the neighborhood was something of a spectacle, so as I made trips out to villages from my 'home village', I was feted along the way. I'd get to a village and the local head man and I would get to talking and they'd have a nice feast."
"These guys aren't entirely cut off from the world so one nice trade good they had was powdered milk and Ovaltine. On arriving at the second village, I noticed that they weren't exactly well-to-do, but out came the Ovaltine. Not wanting to use up their supplies, I foolishly interrupted the preparation to tell them 'that was enough'. They looked confused but handed over water with just a bit of Ovaltine floating at the top."
"It was wretched. But trying to be polite, I drank it all. And smiled. Word got around so every village I went to thereafter was informed of my 'preference.' Couldn't exactly correct them at this point as somebody might have been insulted, sooo I drank it. Kinda wonder if the next visitor benefitted from my blunders in protocol."
Kevin_Uxbridge
Being polite...
Dessert Merry Happy GIF by TWICEGiphy"Went to a friend's house for dinner a lovely meal. The whole family cleaned their plates of food then turned them over and ate dessert on the back of their plates like it was the most normal thing in the world. I copied them just to be polite."
Argybargyass
People really do have interesting ways to celebrate and live.
Diablo 2
diablo 3 GIFGiphy"We got yelled at for 'playing that devil game again!' We were playing Mario kart. And Bowser kept freaking his mom out. So we muted it and all was fine from then on. Meanwhile his little brother was literally playing Diablo 2 at the time in the same room. But he already had it muted so it wasn't a problem I guess."
Qix213
by torchlight...
"I once got roped into a wassailing. Marching by torchlight (literal flaming torches) down to the guys orchard to sing at the trees was a new one on me. It wouldn't have been so bad but it was just a handful of us, as in just me, my schoolfriend, his brother, and his parents. Still, we got some cider out of it."
-Satsujinn-
Naked
"I guess this qualifies as "culture:"
"My sister was dating a man that had been raised in a nudist colony. He took her to meet his family at their house at the colony. She was a tad surprised when his mother immediately says 'there is a hook on the bathroom door for your clothes.' My sister proceeds to spend the entire evening naked with his folks. Her BF had told her before they went that it would be her option but I guess his parents didn't think so."
asphyxiationbysushi
Antwerp
"When I lived in Antwerp (Belgium), I once was stopped by an elderly, woman on the street. She was asking for help inside her house. Guiding me through a house where the temperature was way too hot, she stopped at every radiator and asked me to turn them down."
"In the end we went to the kitchen, where some jewish women and children were watching me silently while I was putting all the burning gas stoves on a low heat. Then she showed me out, thanked me and closed the door. In Antwerp there is a big community of hasidic jews, I can imagine this was during sabbath."
laurens-t
Time and Place
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"I work for the ambulance service and I was asked to take my shoes off before attending to their mother in cardiac arrest. Politely reminded them that there was a time and place."
phoenixfeet72
culture/religion...
"I had a neighborhood friend that i played on the street with and at school sometimes. Her mom and dad always told me i wasn’t allowed to be in the same room as my friends older brothers because seeing young women was a sin for unmarried men. i was 10 at the most. the youngest of her older brothers was 16. When I was asked by my friend to sleep over for her birthday i was told by her and her mother thatIi needed to remain in my friends bedroom."
"Her mother would bring us food and drinks and take us to go to the bathroom whenever it was safe. I told my sister about it the next day and she told me i wasn’t allowed to go near their house or my friend again. to this day I still don’t know if it was actually due to culture/religion or if maybe they just had a really freaking weird family."
haesslichryn
And check this...
Tom And Jerry Food GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy"I remember going to my Swedish friends house. And while we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate. That crap was f**king wild."
Wowimatard
Peace signs...
"I went over to a friend's house for a sleepover and when I changed into my pajamas her mom started demanding I put something else on and throw my pajamas out. I was really confused, she was yelling about how my pajamas were sinful and bore signs of the devil!"
"I ended up just calling my mom to take me home because I was so uncomfortable, but that woman just kept scolding us for allowing me to wear satantic symbols. The symbols on my pajamas? Peace signs. She said they were broken crosses, so clearly a sign of the devil."
usernameemma
Eh…?
"I once went to have dinner with a girl from Uni who came from a super nice but very religious family. Her dad turned out the be the pastor. Absolutely no problem being silent while they’re praying before dinner, however after dinner the whole family got their bibles out, and asked me politely, which my favourite verse was so we could read it together. Eh…?"
Qihai7
Coal
australian government simpsons GIF by Environment VictoriaGiphy"My friends father was a Geordie and his grandad was Scottish. Each hogmanay it was my job to leave their house and re-enter bearing a gift of coal. This was my task as I was the only one there with dark hair. So that's a thing."
GabberZZ
Snowed
"Went to stay with distant relatives in Lithuania during winter. It's nothing for them to all get naked in the sauna and pat each other with birch branches then run out and roll in the snow. After a while I just went f**k it and gave into my inhibitions but at first it was a bit confronting being naked, exposed and vulnerable. On the flip side, their snow chilled vodka was primo which broke the ice so to speak; would 100% do again."
mypoopscaresflysaway
skin and all...
"I am reminded of the story on Reddit where a girl went to her boyfriend's parent's house to meet them, and they had a ritual where they gather around a table and savagely consume an entire orange, skin and all. She didn't do it, and she upset the entire family. I think it's my favorite story from Reddit."
frauleinsteve
“witches”
Hocus Pocus Wtf GIF by FreeformGiphy"I was kicked out of an elementary school friend’s birthday party because another friend and I played 'witches' in her treehouse. She was Southern Baptist. There was a literal cauldron in her treehouse, I stand by my decision."
erineestevenson
‘cheat night’
"Late to the game, but here goes. I had a friend growing up whose parents didn’t allow any snacks in the house. Every time he invited me over to spend the night, I was expected to bring boxes of snack food because it could be allowed if brought in by an outsider. And yes, his parents would partake, too. So there was junior high school aged Higestache bringing boxes of snacks for an entire family to have a ‘cheat night’ at my expense."
higestache
When in Rome... so as people do...
Asking them to leave, however, is a different beast.
Giving someone the boot can be awkward, especially if you have that one guest who has no concept of time and enough social graces to know they are overstaying their welcome.
There are two camps of hosts: one that has no problem being direct in declaring the party is over, and another who is courteous to a fault and doesn't want to seem rude by holding the door open to say "goodnight."
Redditor BattlCrusrBiggrLoser solicited strangers to share their effective techniques by asking:
"How can you politely let someone know that they have overstayed their welcome?"
People shared tactics that work for them, while others said they don't have time to pussyfoot around the issue.
What are your methods?
Say What You Mean
"Ask: how are you getting home? And ' help' look up their bus schedule, call a taxi or 'I/my dog can use a walk before bed, I'll walk out with you.'"
"Alternatively a direct, 'I am getting tired, I think we better call it a night...'"
"We are all adults here, can handle basic honesty and courtesy, no need to sugarcoat it."
Direct Honesty
"I had a friend ask if I needed a place to sleep. I said 'no.'"
"Didn't understand what he meant."
"Direct honesty is always better."
An Example Of An Overstaying Guest
"I have a friend who I love 'from a distance'. I care for her and want her to be happy but she is too much to handle when together. One main reason is, she doesn't understand the concept of privacy and personal space and just lacks some basic manners. She keeps asking me if she can visit me during the evening (i live alone) but i know what will follow. She will eat chips and create a mess on the sofa, fall asleep for hours , then won't go back home for the night. Next day would wake up early(i work night shifts so i sleep till the afternoon) , create noise to wake me up. Ask me in a 'friendly' way if i can make some food for her. And basically just pamper her.
This is ultra stupid so i always make up some excuse about why she can't come. I always hoped that i will do it so often that she will understand i am not comfortable. But sadly, she doesn't get the hint and still keeps asking. I just got a text again today asking if she can come."
House Swap
"Try changing up the dynamic, don't meet at yours, visit hers or meet in a public place for a walk. That way you can call the shots on when it ends. If she doesn't want to go along with those plans she was never in to spending time with you, she just wanted to burden your space and use you for food and company when it suited her."
Tired Britney Spears GIFGiphy"I just say, 'welp looks like I'm gonna have to kick you out I gotta do some cleaning before I get to bed. Have a good night! Thanks for coming! Do you have everything?'"
Indirectly Direct
"I've used the ol' 'I hate to kick you out, but I have to (blah blah blah).' Doesn't feel like you're putting the blame on them for staying too long, or that you just don't want to hang out with them anymore."
Follow The Sound Of My Voice
"My father in law wanted a friend to go home once, after a long night where the friend in question kept talking and talking and didn't get the hint when my MIL brushed her teeth and went to bed. My FIL walked out of the house, his friend walked with him and kept talking, and my FIL went back in the house and closed and locked the door in front of his face. Lol."
Do As The Brits Do
"In Britain we have a universal sign for this - we slap our thighs with our hands, exhale through a pursed mouth and say 'right...' whilst standing up."
"Literally never fails."
Priorities
"Welp. Jeopardy comes on in 10 minutes, so be off my property in 5 or I'll release the hounds."
The Midwesterner
"I'm from the Midwest where everyone takes 4 hours to say goodbye so when you find out please let me know."
"But in all seriousness, I have a friend that will be the last to leave a party every time, and the only way I can get him to gtfo is to tell him to GTFO. I will clean up, I'll start yawning and saying how exhausted I am, maybe even lie and say I didn't get much sleep last night and I've got to get up early the next morning. Hell, I've even put on my pajamas and started scrolling through my phone, ignoring him. Now I just tell him to leave."
"On the flip side, another friend has no problem capping all hangouts at 9:30 and saying 'I've had fun but please leave,' and I've never been offended. Anyway, moral of the story is: just tell them to leave."
When Small Cues Don't Work
"People should be paying attention and read the small cues, but if they don't, traditionally you would put the booze away. Also, you can turn off the music."
"If they still don't get it. 'I'm going to call it quits for tonight, but do finish your drink.'"
"If that all fails: I really should go to bed, it was wonderful seeing you, let me get your coat."
Cheerful Rage
"I definitely had a friend who threw a Christmas party in college and at midnight politely said 'I love you fuckers but I got class tomorrow morning so get your asses out' I couldn't stop laughing at how bold she was."
How Gramps Rolls
"My grandfather used to tell people to turn off the lights before leaving because he was going to bed."
– 1453_
A Little Love Goes A Long Way
"I have many friends that like to stay way to long. I tell them I'm closing up. I'm tired. Y'all gotta be out of the driveway before the lights go off. And if your ever worried bout sounding rude. 'Love you bye' makes everything better."
So one Reddit user wanted to know:
How do you say "f*ck you" politely?
We are going to put these into effect immediately, because we have some serious "per my previous email" energy going on towards certain people right now (looking at you, neighbor with the pressure washer) and we really need to get it off our chest.
The Ultimate "Apology"
GiphyYou can up the ante with "I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way" like you aren't even sorry they feel that way, you're just sorry that you have to hear about it.
"This is what I say when I just really want someone to hate me."
Not My Problem
I must that admit that although I never found the balls or the situation to actually say that to someone I keep "That sounds like a you problem" as a mantra in my mind at times.
I hate "that sounds like a you problem."
Well no crap Sherlock, you're making MY life miserable, not yours.
Backhanded
"I admire you. You don't let your shortcomings get in the way of your confidence."
Honestly, I thought this was a compliment at first. This is a backhand compliment beyond compare.
So backhanded it was a roundhouse kick.
- Drawkbox
Per
"Per my last email..."
I always read that as "B*tch, can you read?"
You Deserve It
One of my bosses likes to say "I hope you have the day you deserve" to rude or sh*tty people.
I was involved in a near-miss at work because this woman was using her phone while she was driving. She walked into the Control Room and said "One of your security guards nearly hit me, tell him I'm sorry" and then made a big thing of mentioning it every time I saw her.
"Oh, I think you're the guy I pulled out in front of, I had a momentary lapse of concentration..."
So when she was leaving and everyone signed her card, I wrote "I hope your new job is everything you deserve!"
The Christian Version
GiphyI love the Christian version of this. "I'll pray for you"
God, I think i'd feel more respected if someone dissed my mom for 15 minutes straight then if a "christian" said that sh*t to me.
Input
"Thank you for your input."
- enym
Funny story- I was the only woman at an assessment centre out of 10 candidates. There were multiple centres on different days and there were 20 positions available. Roughly 380 candidates at assessment overall.
In our group exercise you could almost feel the testosterone coming from these banker-type guys. For 20 minutes of this 45 minute exercise two of them just would not shut up and let anyone get a word in edgeways... anyway we finally get on to the task and it's the whole 'you all have 1 project, defend your project and why it should be funded' and we all agree mine is the most beneficial for this imaginary community. These two guys start to try and debate it again at which point (don't know what possessed me) I come out with the words "Thank you for your continued input gentlemen. If nobody has any relevant points I suggest we conclude now".
I got the job. Those two twats did not
They Say
"With all due respect, you are as they all say you are."
This line is bound to f*ck anyone up.
- a1001ku
Oooof, I feel that!! That would ruin somebody!!
Oh, this is cruel. I like it.
- funkaria
Biblical
If you want to get Biblical, "know thyself."
This one is creative. It's the only one I haven't seen the last few times this was posted. I like it.
Source: Southern
"Oh bless your HEART!"
Source: Southern
Normally used as "bless her/his heart" when totally not talking sh!t about others but a direct "bless your heart" can be extremely effective too if you nail the sickening sing song sweet tone.
Governor Asa Hutchinson said this to my mom like two years ago. She's still mad about it.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
"My grandmother is a terrible, terrible cook."
GiphyMy grandmother's chili. My grandmother is a terrible, terrible cook. I've gotten food poisoning multiple times from her but this chili nearly killed me. She made it in her crockpot. I lived with my grandparents, my younger sister and our mom at the time, my mom was out of town. The first night the chili was good. Everything was fine. She made a huge batch so we had it again the next day. It was still okay, a little bit off but not the worst thing I ever ate.
I was so sick that night. Spewing from both ends. The third night the smell was horrible, the chili was popping and effervescence with tiny gas bubbles. I was nine, we had just learned about bacteria in school. I refused to eat more than a bite. It was pop rocks mixed with rotten meat. I asked her how she stored the chili. In the crockpot she said defensively. "It's okay to leave things in there, I even remembered to unplug it!" We lived in Georgia, it was the summer. She didn't make chili she made a science experiment on the kitchen counter.
"When my sister was 5..."
When my sister was 5, she had my mom, friend and I sit for her tea party.
She made us drinks.
I asked her what she gave us and she said it was water and sparkle perfume.
"My sister..."
My sister was trying to be nice after I had taken care of her for 3 years while she dealt with her mental health.
She tried to make me a pizza. It came out more like charcoal. Like fully all black.
She tried so hard to make me happy for once that I had to at least get some of it down; "It's not as burnt as it looks! Really yummy." She was really happy with herself after that.
"Don't even have words..."
Husband's mom made a lemon pie, but it was a "special recipe" she learned from her friend where there was no sugar and the crust was made of saltine crackers. Don't even have words for how sour and salty it was. But you best believe I ate it as it was "delicious."
"It was a white tube..."
Was working in China. They had a big celebratory banquet for us. They served a local delicacy - "sea worms." It was a white tube that when immersed in near freezing water essentially dissolved into a gelatinous lump. Think fish-flavored jello, with just a hint of residual gristle. Ugh. Had to eat several servings while downing shots of Maotai.
"My ex-sister in law's..."
My ex-sister in law's spinach casserole. My daughter puked it up into their heat vent and I had to clean it out.
"Girlfriend in college..."
Girlfriend in college wanted to be nice to my roommate and me because she often ate over at our apartment, so she was to cook dinner one night. Teriyaki steak.
Somewhere along the line, she got tbsp and cup mixed up, and added 3/4 cup of salt. Pretty sure we were nearing the LD50 of salt for a human, but I ate as much as I could, and drank as much water as I could for the next few days...
"My beloved but very elderly gram-in-law..."
My beloved but very elderly gram-in-law made chocolate chip cookies in which she messed up the sugar and salt AND mistook the dried black beans in her cupboard for chocolate chips. Ohhhhh dear.
"My grandma died right before Christmas..."
My grandma died right before Christmas. We all got together for the holiday and my aunt was understandably still taking it really hard. She'd made something she called "vanilla angel food pudding cake."
It was in a shallow casserole dish. Top layer was whipped cream and cookie crumble. Middle layer was vanilla pudding. Bottom layer was crumbled angel food cake... soaked to the top in a massive pool of bourbon. The cake was floating in the bourbon. We'd later found out she'd mixed even more bourbon in to the pudding layer.
She didn't tell anyone it was alcoholic so we all got scoops assuming it was a syrup or something. My cousin was the first to bite into it and had to run to the trash can to vomit as soon as it got in her mouth. Another person got a forkful near their nose and freaked out and yelled in shock. Cue my aunt beginning to completely melt down about how she's trying so hard and she got the recipe from a friend and it's not THAT much alcohol and grandma was such a good cook she would've helped her etc etc like full blown about to lose it. The cousin that vomited tried to claim it was something else while the yeller tried to play off that they saw a bug across the room.
Everyone else was sufficiently guilted into eating at least some of what they'd scooped onto their plates. That was physically painful to eat. Everything burned. Looking around the table you would've thought we were all downing spoonfuls of wasabi. I was 19 but I guess my parents were more worried about my aunt than me getting underaged sloshed on pudding but about halfway through my portion they found a discreet way to dump my plate. The whole place reeked a couple minutes after we dug into the "pudding" too so it was this awful inescapable sensory overload of bourbon.
"I came home from school one day..."
I came home from school one day and was hungry and told my mother that and she told me there was blueberry muffins. So I took one and when I took a bite it was the driest most flavorless thing I've ever eaten. So as to not upset my mother I ate it and when I came back my mom was laughing and I asked what was funny and she told me they were a friend of her's muffins and my brother had spit them out when he tried it. So basically I got pranked by my mom.
"Was visiting Guatemala..."
Was visiting Guatemala, and this old lady invited us to dinner. In this country, it's extremely rude to not eat what was placed before you. Unfortunately, this lady served us a vegetable soup with some meat in it that tasted like chicken broth from hell. She didn't eat with us, as she was being polite or something. She didn't even talk to us during the dinner.
We took a taste, and nearly wanted to puke. However, due to the country customs, we decided to eat it. We barely could get through it. We ate about 3/4 of it and then mentioned we were just full. We both retched later on that night. It was so nasty!
Ran into the lady later in the week walking down the street, and she apologized to us. Apparently the chicken was rotten and she only took one bite. She then chastised us for not telling her.
Sometimes it's frustrating not knowing all the ins and outs of different customs!
"My grandpa made sushi."
My grandpa made sushi. With tuna, rhubarb, yellow mustard, seaweed, and undercooked rice. Watched me eat it make sure I got a taste of each ingredient. The entire time I ate it, I thought "this tough bastard made it through the beaches of Normandy, eat the sushi and smile."
"I went to Kenya..."
I went to Kenya on a college trip. For the first week we were there we built a kitchen into a school. Every day my buddy and I would joke about this goat at the school and his big it's nuts were.
Well fast forward and the last day we were there the school put on a feast, eating corn, beans and kale (grown at the school) with goat meat.
The local elders came by at the end to show their appreciation. My teacher (who was from Kenya) got up and said "the elders have prepared a delicacy, it is somewhat of an insult to not eat what they present you"
Bam here came the karma bus. Now I enjoy fried Rocky Mountain oysters, however what they served was a barely boiled got ball. I tore off a sizable chunk like a champ, I will NEVER forget the rubbery texture, or the ultra gamy taste, but I ate it like I was honored for even being offered.
"It's a symbol..."
In Arequipa, Peru I drank a blended mixture consisting of molasses, stout beer, raw eggs, some vegetables, and frog skin. Yes, the skin of a frog. It's a symbol for healthy fertility I guess, and the tour guide insisted we try it.
"Since it is in a spiral inside the shell..."
Sea snails with my Vietnamese friend. I paid for it when I tried to pull it out with my teeth instead of using the little toothpick. Since it is in a spiral inside the shell, it snapped out of the shell and sprung forth, bouncing off my face and onto the table, leaving my face covered in fishy smelling, briny sea water. I would have run straight to the bathroom, but I was temporarily brineded.
"We all got sick."
An undercooked potato, garlic, feta, chopped meat package in aluminium foil. It was supposed to be a Greek dish. We all got sick.
"I rented part of a house..."
Back in the late 1970s, I was sent from California to a rural Maryland town for a 6 months job assignment. I was used to the wide variety of very fresh vegetables grown within a couple of hours of my city. In that rural Maryland town, I rarely saw what I would consider good fresh vegetables, except for a very short season when farmers markets had local produce. I really missed my good veggies.
I rented part of a house that had been converted to apartments. The nice elderly couple next door had a huge vegetable garden, consisting primarily of green beans. I used to lust after those beans.
One day, Mrs. Neighbor saw me outside and invited me to join them later in the day for a barbecue. "We are going to have the first of our own green beans." I could hardly wait. I was so-o-o looking forward to those beans.
Mr. Neighbor barbecued and Mrs. Neighbor plated the food in the kitchen. With great pride, she handed me a plate containing an incinerated steak and a bunch of gray tubes. "We like our green beans best after they've been canned."
Yep. She had home-canned the green beans, then cooked them, Southern style, for a hour or so with a chunk of ham. I looked at my plate. I looked over at all those crisp, vibrant beans still on the plants. I looked back at my plate.
I never knew I possessed such good acting ability.
Not everyone needs to be a member of the clean plate club, not when it comes to some of these meals!
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