Redditor xxarisx wanted to hear about the "silly" reasons people have dumped another person, so they asked:
"What’s the pettiest reason to break up with someone?"
I have to admit, I can be petty.
Anything can turn me off.
I can't even explain why.
Wake Up!
Tired Wake Up GIF by Veep HBOGiphy"Your significant other had a nightmare you cheated on them and because of the dream they break up with you."
Cheeky_Guy
How Messy!
"Sports rivalries. That's definitely happened, which is hilarious."
LongBongJohnSilver
"My date and I (not yet in a relationship but very close) stopped seeing each other because of our sports rivalries. She is a huge Messi fan and I am a Ronaldo fan. But the thing is, I don't hate Messi and she really hates Ronaldo. So during one of our dates, we got into a debate about Ronaldo's bad personality (most of our dates somehow will have football conversations, and most of our football conversations are about Ronaldo because she keeps bringing him up; I never say anything about Messi)."
"I was so tired of listening to her talk badly about my idol, so I said: 'No matter how bad you think Ronaldo is, I will always admire him because he is a person who never gives up, even after being defeated many times. Unlike your idol Messi, who failed once and decided to quit the national team. The Argentina president even had to apologize to him to get him to come back, even though he was the one who missed the important penalty.' She stood up and left, and I haven't texted her since then."
hoainamduong
'Can we have one of each please?'
"She said she didn’t want dessert but then ate half my slice of pie."
RealBowsHaveRecurves
"When my now-wife and I were on our second date, the restaurant didn’t have a printed dessert menu, so the server was telling us the options. I completely zoned out because I was so nervous and also I kinda needed to pee but there hadn’t been a reasonable break in the conversation so I just smiled, and nodded, then when everyone looked at me expectantly, I just said 'Can we have one of each please?' Turns out there had been only two options (a crème brûlée and a chocolate pie situation)."
savingewoks
Smothering Me
"Not replying to a text message quickly enough."
nordictouch
"I was in a brief relationship recently with a guy who insisted I turn read receipts on even though I never do for anyone. I told him I felt a little weird about doing it but did it anyway."
"A few weeks later I read one of his texts and didn’t respond for an hour because I was working. After not hearing from me immediately, he texted, 'There’s something very untrustworthy about you' and then told me he needed space. He ghosted me for a week and then dumped me."
wilderthurgro
Natural Gases
"The other person farts in their sleep."
"Everyone farts in their sleep."
It_Wasnt_Me79
Blatant. Serial Killer. Behavior.
"She eats her peas one at a time."
henfeathers
"I had a friend who took hours to eat just about anything. A Snickers bar would take about an hour. She'd eat all the chocolate off first, in little pieces, and then each layer. Spaghetti. One noodle at a time. Drove all her boyfriend's nuts."
Azuredreams25
Sorry Justin
"In fourth grade, my bf Justin was demanding I share my cheese puffs. I jokingly said no. He got serious and said do it or I’ll break up with you. I made sure I only ate half and threw the other half away out of pure spite."
Elesmira
"Not your cheesy poofs!????"
RambleOnRose42
"And THAT is how you stave off people who want to get you into an abusive relationship. I'll remember that one. Damn, I love cheese puffs."
ElementalWorkshopII
Seeing Stars
"One time I broke up with someone because they were obsessed with Julia Roberts and I just thought she was meh, every time we hung out it was Julia Roberts this, Julia Roberts that. Sheeeeeeeesh."
TheRealOcsiban
"Same with my ex but with Pamela Anderson. And he says that he’s a big Pamela Anderson fan but he couldn’t name another movie she was in besides Baywatch which makes me wonder if he’s only into her because of her big jiggly boobs."
Dapper-Captain5261
Off Course
"I seriously considered calling off my wedding because he took the wrong exit off the highway. When I got irritated and pointed it out (we were in a rush), he got angry with me and claimed that a city street with stop signs every block was faster than the literal f**king highway going the same route."
"But it was just a symptom of the greater problem - he absolutely had to be the smartest person in the room, even if he had to lie or gaslight in order to make it happen."
"So yes, even though it would be ridiculous to call off a wedding the day before over a navigation mishap, I would have been better off (ignoring my gut cost me thousands in divorce fees, stolen cash, and therapy bills)."
SpookyBlackCat
Ok, Bye...
Bye Bye Goodbye GIF by Mickey MouseGiphy"I had a girl leave me after a week because her ex-boyfriend didn't like me. I gladly went home after hearing that."
Roostersnuggets
Wow. Some people really need to seek therapy before they start trying to date.
There is a lot to of mess to sift through in these brains.
Shoplifting and weed. Let's start there.
Fishy
Big Fish GIF by PBS KIDSGiphy"Being able to walk with a salmon suspiciously."
YorkshireCat
"The Salmon Act of 1986 made it illegal in England, Wales, and Scotland to 'handle salmon in suspicious circumstances.'”
water_fountain_
Exercise
"I’d legalize putting bikes in pools in California."
Wolfiye11
"Honestly, water biking is a great exercise and should totally be legal everywhere."
TheTrueGoldenboy
"Ding ding ding! you win!"
alemini_
Hey Spud
"Selling Unlicensed potatoes."
williamfvirgil
"As a potato myself, I agree."
CaliforniaPotato
B4TTLESNAKE
Speak Loud!
"The UK government has effectively banned protests so I'm gonna go for that."
YumYumFunTown
"here’s an article that explains it a bit. basically over here the police will now have more power to control protests. they can impose more measures, make sure people are ‘not being loud’ etc."
scseven
"Yeah super glad America doesn't have that. Right to protest is in our DNA. No matter how annoying, it’s necessary."
MRmandato
by death
death GIFGiphy"Executing politicians for treason for any crimes or abuses of power while in office. Iirc treason and sabotage are both punishable by death according to the constitution."
moldyhotdogs
Salmon? Really? Can I carry tuna or a nice cut of mahi?
Cheers all Day
Happy Hour Reaction GIF by New GirlGiphy"The ability to purchase alcohol at any hour of day, on any day of the week. How many of you have gone out late at night to buy beer only to be turned away because the alcohol section is closed, or not being able to buy any at all on Sunday? (in some places)."
isabellemwilliams
It's Food
"Feeding homeless people."
Breadflat17
"I am guessing it is to discourage some psychos from feeding them sh*t (both metaphorical and literal). Reddit taught me about a cop, who gave a homeless guy a literal crap sandwich."
Sandybat
"It keeps people from poisoning them."
derpygamer2142
Incredible
"Magic mushrooms."
ReallyDontWant2Argue
"I was enrolled in a clinical trial using psilocybin as a treatment for depression. After decades of treatment resistant depression, I'm depression-free. Even if it's temporary, I'm so grateful and I can't wait until everyone has access to this incredible drug."
Torontopup6
"I am hoping that weed legalization can open the doors for mushrooms."
MusicianMadness
Bringing the End
"I know it's controversial, but I would say Euthanasia (for very bad illnesses and elderly, if they're miserable and don't want to go on anymore). Afaik it is legal in some countries, such as Switzerland. Just wanted to add I'm not American and therefore can't relate to all the comments telling me about situations in US states, but don't get me wrong, it's interesting nonetheless. :) "
wurzlsep
Sex
Julia Roberts GIFGiphy"Sex work. I'm not interested in it, but it appears to be an arbitrary law that would be a waste of time to enforce."
"Adults can have sex for money in front of the camera for all to see, but once the camera is removed, it becomes illegal? It doesn't make much sense. The only reason it's illegal, I believe, is that the government hasn't found a method to tax it."
corneliatdyer
Sex work is real work. Let these people be.
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"What minor inconvenience do you wish upon your worst enemy?"
Minor bodily discomforts can be a splendid idea.
Invasion Of The Crack
"Long loose hairs in their underwear and that cringey feeling when it gets in their butt."
– AzureTerrace
Evil Crumbs
"After every meal, you get something stuck in your teeth, and you don’t have any way of getting it out."
– -PlugUgly
When they just can't seem to catch a break, it's like a little present.
Incomplete Meal
"May the Chik-fil-a employee forget to give you Chik-fil-a sauce with your meal (you REALLY wanted it) and may you only realize this after having driven 20 minutes away."
– Uruk-HiThere
No Spot For You
"That every 'available' parking spot at the packed mall/grocery store has a mini car in it."
– Auslan02
A Spider's Journey
"That feeling when you're out walking and inexplicably walk face first into some strands of a spider's web even though you're in a relatively open space."
"You wipe at your face but now you've got the eternal feeling of web strands behind your ear, in your hair, on the nape of your neck."
"You open hand wipe again, chicken claw it, try to trace the line with a single digit. None of it is any good."
"Maybe the spider came away with the bit of web when you walked into it? It could be in your hair right now. Maybe it's laying eggs at this very moment. Maybe one day a distant civilisation will find your perfectly preserved head encased in centuries old gossamer web."
"There it is again. Behind your ear. You don't even raise your hand this time. It's all over. This is your life now."
– HumphreyGo-Kart
Bad tech can do your evil bidding.
STOP
"I hope that every traffic light turns red for them right as they reach it."
– Nintendevotion
No Snooze For The Wicked
"Waking up 30 mins before their alarm clock every morning."
– Ccaster0620
"I'm your worst enemy? This happens to me every day."
– Slight-Ad-1744
Bad Insertion
"Their USB cable is the right way around after 5 tries."
– furstimus
Inaccessible Tune
"Every time they get in their car, their favorite song is going off, they are always in a safe place but their cellphone service won’t work so they can’t play it in their car."
"And if they have the cd, the scratch is only on that song and skips to the very end."
– ParticularWatermelon
A little bit of pain is punishment enough.
Just a little.
Tiny Daggers
"Tiny Invisible splinter between two toes."
– AlgaeWafers
So Full Of It
"Anus inflammation so he can't sh*t and then finds out how full of sh*t he is."
– ddelGuy
Redditors here are definitely highly imaginative, and the forms of punishments were pure evil.
I, however, don't have it in me to come up with such creative tactics to get back at a nemesis.
But how awesome would it be if someone who truly irked me went to Panda Express, and every time they ordered their favorite, Orange Chicken, it's sold out?
Yeah, pretty awesome. Mwa-hahaha (twiddles fingers menacingly).
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"What's The Most Petty Reason You Stopped Dating Someone?"
How these people used the English language was a big turn off.
Word
"Tried to play 'TGIF' as a word in Scrabble."
– theshoegazer
"Did you then build on it with GTFO?"
– keto-boo
Code
"'cUs sHe TeXteD LiKe dIs! :):):):):p:p:p:p =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))"
– SpringyNewspety
"Oof, my ex uses 'whaha' and the end of texts and said I was weird for using 'lol' once in a while."
"Actually glad I didn’t see her anymore because she was a bit rude."
– BlueRedditWizard123
The Researcher
"She said, surprised, 'You’re the kind of guy who looks up words in the dictionary when you don’t understand them, aren’t you?'”
"She was a kindergarten teacher."
– RealLADude
Why Are You Shouting?
"They Capitalized Every Written Word."
– boogerboners
These dates lacked physical attraction.
Makes Scents
"She smelled like soup."
– Anomie_Lad
That Uncanny Odor
"She smelled... not super strongly necessarily, but she smelled exactly like one of my roommates in college, specifically the kind of B.O. he had in the summer that would linger in the bathroom when he shat."
"I gave her a kiss on the cheek toward the end of our first date, which is when i noticed that faint, but uncanny smell, and i knew that if we ever got intimate all i'd be able to think about was my roommate taking fat dumps."
– Pentimento_NFT
The Strangest 'Wrong Number' Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Before we all had caller ID, wrong numbers phone calls were commonplace. But now that almost everyone screens their calls, it's wrong number texts that have ...Not Pitch Perfect
"Voice. Funny girl, smart girl, way way to attractive for me girl. Her voice was in the same register as Janice on friends or Fran Drescher in the nanny. Like daggers in my ears. Could not get over it, after the third date had to back off and tell her I was way to busy right now."
– tdasnowman
Bad Ink
"It wasn’t the only reason, and was in fact indicative of a bigger reason, but… he had a REALLY bad tattoo."
– sammybey
The following break ups warranted their own respective categories.
Self-Appointed Organizer
"He rearranged stuff in my house while I was asleep."
– jlcd11147
Conversation With God
"IDK if this counts, but I was already not liking this girl, and she told me that God told her we should break up. I immediately was like well haha don't wanna mess with the big man."
"She regretted it, tried getting back with me, but I kept sarcastically insisting she shouldn't go against God's will."
– Band_From_CFB
Problem With Specs
"Knew someone who broke up with his girlfriend because she had to wear glasses. Reason he gave me was that he didn’t like glasses."
– odagled86
Human Metronome
"Took him to a concert, he tap my knee out of time to the music."
– l2a3s5
I'm not proud of this, but my reason for ending a date was not only petty, it was sha-ha-ha, sha-ha-llow.
I once dated a professional tennis player, or so he said. We went on a lovely dinner date at an Italian restaurant in Manhattan. The mood was perfect, our conversation was thought-provoking, and through it all, there was a palpable romantic tension in the air.
...Until we left the restaurant.
As we were walking side-by-side in the Upper West Side, he kept nudging into my right shoulder with his entire body. I said, "Oh, so we're turning left on 83rd?" He told me that wasn't the plan.
He nudged into me again, and I asked, "So....turning on 82nd then?" He told me we weren't turning anywhere.
When he continually closed the gap between us as we were heading south on Amsterdam Ave, I told him, "I don't mind getting close, but I feel like there's a pattern here of us not walking in perfect tandem."
To which he replied, "I may as well tell you. My right leg is a few centimeters shorter than my left leg, so it affects how I walk sometimes."
I nervously laughed it off, and in my head, I wondered how he was a pro tennis player. Maybe his asymmetrical legs are an advantage and somehow help his game.
Needless to say, I ghosted him after that–otherwise wonderful–dinner date.
I promise I'm a better man than I was back then.Want to "know" more?
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Being a divorce lawyer has go to be an entertaining career. I hope they all keep a journal, because any and all details could make for fascinating television. You change the names to protect the innocent or guilty.
Crumbs...
cookie monster eating GIF by University of CaliforniaGiphy"My father-in-law and mother-in-law's breaking point was when he threw a breadcrumb at her from across the kitchen. The divorce took 4 years to settle."
Transaction Done.
"A client and his wife came in regarding a real estate transaction. At the end of the consultation, the client casually stated that he would like to divorce his wife. I was stunned, the wife started crying, the client started rubbing his wife's shoulder and told her that everything would be okay. That was an awkward few minutes."
- rks1743
A Bad Lift
"The weirdest I've ever seen is a coworker of mine. His wife saw a picture of him at a pool when he was in high school and really athletic. Toned, muscular, tan and so on. Over the 10 year after high school he stopped lifting and lost his muscle tone and just became skinny."
"She told him she wanted him to get back to working out because she really liked the way he once looked and he said it was something he missed doing and agreed to get a gym membership. He was going to the gym four days a week but was only really working out for two of them."
"On the days he didn't work out he would sit in the sauna to get sweaty, watch Netflix and then go home. When she asked about him going to the gym and accidentally let it slip that he was fudging workouts twice a week. She apparently found that to be a deal breaker and filed for divorce."
Avatars
"I had a client who with his wife were into a computer game like the Sims only more x rated, I think it was called Second Life, where you have an avatar and can interact with other people's avatars. He suspected his wife of, through her avatar, hijinks and made his own avatar to stalk her in the game. Sure enough her avatar was doing the dirty with some dude's avatar. That was it for my client."
Oh Hell No
Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"The husband kept putting wet/used towel on their bed."
- automind
See these stories keep me sane when I feel lonely. Who in the world needs this kind of madness? This is why I say love can never be fully trusted.
And wet towels on my bed? You're out!
Oh Sacha
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Pam Anderson and Kid Rock simply put 'Borat' as the reason for their divorce. I'd say thats gotta be up there."
Tubed
"Wife wanted divorce like 2 months into marriage because the husband would squeeze the toothpaste from the top and not bottom. She claims to have told him a million times over to stop. Would have been easier to get 2 tubes of toothpaste I thought."
People Share Which Social Norms Absolutely Baffle Them | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"My wife and I had been using the same toothpaste tube for I dunno 20 years or something. Recently, we had two tubes because I accidentally bought the wrong one. No big, I said she can use the good one and I'll use the crappy one. So after about a week of this, I notice my toothpaste was gross. The opening was half clogged and there was run off into the cap. I had to scrap the crust off just to get to the fresh toothpaste. Next week, same thing. Gross."
"Turns out my wife had been maintaining the toothpaste tube correctly for years! I had no idea that I dispensed paste in a sloppy stupid way. So I asked my wife how to use a freakin' toothpaste tube. Lol... I think I got it mostly right by the time my crappy toothpaste ran out and it was time to go back to shared paste. 😂"
Last Straw
"Nobody ever believes me about this one, but it's true. A man wanted a divorce from his wife because - and he gave this example as the "last straw" - his wife ate those nasty pumpkin Halloween candies, like candy corn but pumpkin shaped. He had been looking forward to them all day and when he got home, she had eaten them all. He snapped. Swear on my life this story is true."
- Brkiri
Empty
"Definitely the fridge Story!! A woman filed for divorce because her husband would eat everything he can find in their fridge whenever the wife was out for work. So she came back to a basically empty fridge each night. He also cheated on her but she was less angry about that. The fridge was what pushed her to the point she wanted a divorce."
Plan for 5...
real housewives of orange county divorce GIFGiphy"I'm a lawyer but not that kind. However, my brother's 4th wife divorced him because she found out the ring he'd used was originally his 3rd wife's. They deserved each other."
Got to BK!
"Not a lawyer- but apparently my brother divorced his wife when McDonald's forgot to put bbq sauce in with her chicken nuggets at the drive through and she asked him to go back and get some. He didn't and then I guess she started smashing up food and throwing it at him/out the window... so yeah. McDonalds how could you ruin a marriage 😅..."
The Good China
"My Mom's coworker divorced over dishes in the dishwasher. The wife would get so frustrated over the husband (coworker) not rinsing dishes before he loads them in the dishwasher. To compromise, they bought a super nice, top of the line dishwasher. Solves the problem, right? She yelled about the dishes that night. He filed for divorce the next day."
Never Florida!
Looney Tunes Florida GIFGiphy"I once had clients who got a divorce because she wanted to buy a condo in Naples, Fl. The petty part of the story is that combined their lawyer fees would have bought a very nice condo on the water in Naples."
- rpf0525
For the tots...
"My aunt used to work as a divorce lawyer. The worst one was a couple fighting over a hamster (of which took so long the thing died before they were settled). She said it was a bargaining chip to win favor from their children. At that rate just buy another hamster!"
"My ex was like this. Basically gave him everything just so I could leave him. He took most of the money and assets but I got away from him. Yay. Then he blew all his money and abandoned the kids. Seriously struggled to cope with 100% care and cost but wouldn't change it bc I have my kids and they have me. Still, was very hard to come to terms with the injustice. Sigh."
Hey Neighbor
"A woman came in wanting to divorce her husband. He had just gotten a new job and a pretty big raise. It turned out that this new job of his also required that he work from home but he was working in an office before. She was having an affair with their next-door neighbor and him being home more meant that she couldn't cheat on her husband easily. That was definitely a twist. I was expecting something like him being the one having the affair but nope!"
Told you so...
"Not divorced, but annulled on their wedding day. I've told the story a few times on Reddit, so long-story-short-time: She told him several hundred times that if he smashed the cake in her face at the reception, it was over. He did it, she walked out and had it annulled the next day. This was over 30 years ago, btw."
- dramboxf
Oh Dear...
"Someone's husband insisted on bringing their mother to their honey moon. That's when the wife realized his mother was still breastfeeding him. I don't think it was a petty divorce but I think the man is petty. He also made his mom go to court with him, my guess, he was thirsty."
- NoJoke24
in my face...
snow wtf GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy"Dandruff. Wife didn't like that the husbands dandruff would flow into her face when riding a motorbike."
- Why-M4
Being Hoagied
"The husband could only eat hoagies if they were nailed to a table. So they mostly ate at home where it was ok for him to damage a table. But once time during a roadtrip stopped at a deli. He had the nailgun with him and nailed the hoagie to the table so he could eat. So she divorced him after the vacation."
Ah love, so splendid, so pure. So insane. I'll always hope for a happy ending, but will always stay vigilant and try to not freak about the small things. Maybe that's the key to a happy ending?
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