A good friend is not always the one with whom you share laughs and fun experiences.
The friendships you want to keep include those who won't abandon you in a time of need or someone who supports you in a variety of complicated situations where not even a family member can be relied upon.
Unfortunately, many of us have experienced a time when a person's true colors revealed to us that the so-called "friend" we've always trusted wasn't one at all.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Aesthetik_1 asked:
"What made you instantly realize This 'friend' is not a real friend?"
These Redditors didn't realized at the time that they were being used.
Recurring Favor
"When he only called me when he needed something. It didn't hit me until much later."
– Queasy-Location-9303
"I have one of those 'friends'. She always gushes about how we're friends but she never initiates contact unless she wants me to do something for her."
– StiffAssedBrit
The Errand Girl
"Several years back, I had a friend who introduced me to this new boy she was seeing. Maybe a year later, their relationship blew up in a fury of bs (whole other story), but by the time they split, I was equally friends with both of them. He and I were both photographers at the time, so the friendship was instantaneous."
"One day we started talking about her, neither positively nor in poor taste, just kind of in general."
"He then asked me 'when she texts to hang out, what does she usually want to do?'"
"I paused. I thought. Holy sh*t, she'd either be asking for a favour or for help with some kind of errand. I was her f'king errand girl."
"She texted me a month or two later, just a 'hey'. I never responded. She never texted again."
"I'm still friends with her ex, though. That dude is genuine as heck."
– ChamomileBrownies
Testing The Friendship
"When you decide to let them be the one to reach out. And you never hear from them again."
– plzdontgetmad
"Yup. Made plans with a friend three times, she cancelled each time. I finally told her to let me know when she was free, we haven’t hung out since."
"She was a good friend for the season, but not a lifetime."
– NoMrBond3
People were shocked to discover the moment they realized they didn't really know who their "friend" was anymore.
The Chaperon
"I had been giving rides to a girl I thought was my friend. To and from school in high school. She wasn’t really suppose to ride with other teens but due to her mothers work hours we could easily pull this off. I thought we were close."
"One day while on the way home my brakes went out. We were about 2 blocks from her gated neighborhood. I managed to roll in safely and parked at her house to call a tow truck."
"She flipped. Told me I couldn’t stay. She knew my brakes were not working as she had also been terrified when we couldn’t stop. She said she wanted to go to a movie that weekend with other friends and her mom would ground her if she saw me at the house. I offered to lie and say I only stopped there as my car malfunctioned on my way home. I had to pass her neighborhood on my way home anyways."
"She refused. Started to scream at me. She didn’t care what happened I had to go. Started to call the guard at the front gate to tell them I had broken in and was threatening her."
"I left her and that friendship that moment. I managed to roll my car slowly to a mechanic not too far away but never forgot the shi* feeling of knowing I could have been seriously hurt and she wouldn’t have cared. She wanted to see a movie. She had the nerve to sheepishly call and ask me a couple days later if I could give her a ride to school. Told her I was too busy and no longer had time… after all I wanted to help her obey her mom's rules. She rode the bus til she graduated."
– Duffarum
Unwilling Companion
"I had this friend in school. Each year there was a funfair in our city, all students received vouchers for a drink and something to eat. This friend complained the whole day that she had no one to accompany her to the funfair. So, stupid me offered to go with her."
"Once we arrived we met another friend of hers. And another, and another... until we were a group of 5 or 6 people. I didn't know anyone and was basically just walking behind them. This friend took me aside and said, 'My friends think you are annoying, and we would like you to leave.'"
"It was a pleasure to see that she failed her exams a year later."
– Auldale
There's the spirit of competition, but when it's taken seriously, we're no longer game for these friendships.
I Can Do It Better
"Constantly 'one ups' me. A real friend is happy for you."
– Complex-Half8338
"That one time I got a fake bag but she doesn’t know and then 2 weeks later messaged me that she also bought a luxury bag… Then when I got a bf, she also went to get a bf within 3 months which is TOTALLY fine but she constantly messages me for us to go on a double date. Anyways, sadly they didn’t last long :( I mentioned that I wanted to go to Cuba, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket to Cuba but I didn’t end up going lol"
– Hot-Coffee-8465
Never Steal The Spotlight
"When they loved the idea of me shining, but behind their shadow, I could never do or achieve anything above them, and when I did, they would get jealous."
– Jasssin23
"Yes! I recently ghosted a friend because of this kind of behavior. She was trying to compete about EVERYTHING. Like she bragged about how her mom’s car accident was more traumatic than my elderly MIL’s - which is not even an appropriate thing to compare. She would also try to 'outshine' celebrations of my milestones and was mean to several of my friends for no apparent reason. She was a loose cannon at best."
– thefifthtrilogy
All About Me
"ALL she talks about it herself and her problems. Granted she has a a lot but never asks about me or my life until she realizes she just bypassed my attempt to want to talk about something in my life bothering me and continued to talk about herself."
– PokemomOnTheGo
People can just be so rude.
"When I got really sick. Very few came to help."
– Tofflus1
"Same here. I got cancer and everyone I knew was over the top supportive for the first six months and then all but three of my friends just vanished. I saw one of them at a Halloween party while I was going through chemo and she told me that my bald head made people uncomfortable. I was dressed as Captain Picard, it was awesome and she ruined it."
– CatGoNoTail
Not Missing High School
"At lunch, she was sitting with her boyfriend, I was sitting with our friend circle. She came up to me, guilted me into sitting with her and her boyfriend, and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of lunch."
"She didn't care about me, she just didn't want me talking to the friend circle that she had abandoned for her boyfriend. When I pointed this out to her, she called me a jealous b*tch."
"Ah, high school. How I don't miss thee."
– Symnestra
These examples actually served as a good reminder for me to take a moment and assess my friendships.
Not so much about how I've been treated but more about checking myself to see if I'm respecting the people I call my friends.
We've all been guilty of casually mentioning future plans to get together. I embarrassingly wait for people to initiate something, which is terrible.
Show up for your friends. Make them feel important like the individuals they are.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Individual_Owl_6925 asked:
"Whats the most unattractive thing a person can do?"
These types of people never learned about having social graces.
Disrespect
"Treat others like sh*t"
– TimSantee
"Or their kids."
"As a man in his 40s. Nothing turns me off more than a horrible mom."
– ArtVandalay47
Conversation Hijacker
"When having a conversation and someone is attempting to shut down ones excitement about a topic that they are passionate about."
– Charitable-Cruelty
Lacking Passion
"Or just not caring about their passion or ignoring them. I've met more than a few people who did that to me, I told them what I was passionate about and they couldn't even remember. I thought it was normal and that I was just boring until I started going on dates with people who actually loved hearing me talk about that stuff and even said it was attractive how much I care about these topics, and that they thought I was super interesting."
"Never settle people, and never accept poor treatment as the norm, there's always someone out there who will actually care about what you have to say."
– _Confusion_Time_
Pretentious
"Treat people that they consider 'below' them like garbage."
– throwawaytheist
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
– jacklightsout
Some people are just so insufferable?
What kind of people, you ask?
Observe the following.
Into Labels
"First week of college my roommate’s bf shows up with HIS roommate, Tate."
"Me and Tate were left alone for a couple minutes. We were chatting and he was going to show me something in his wallet."
"Then he was like 'oops! I almost dropped my GUCCI wallet!' while smirking at me 🤮"
"I have never felt so grossed out or embarrassed for someone in my life."
– Dramiotic
What's In Your Wallet?
"Literally yesterday when I was walking out of my local gym (filled with douchebags) this meathead was on the phone in the lobby talking to someone about potentially buying a $600 wallet. So clearly trying to get people to overhear him. I swear I cringed all the way to my car."
– Heldpizza
"Unless that wallet is mugging proof (prevents you being targeted) I can’t see how any wallet could be worth that much."
– KaralDaskin
Talking Smack
"Their only source of conversation is gossiping about people."
– noname121241
"I have this nephew whose only source of conversation is talking about how much he hates Tom Cruise. Seriously, it’s all he talks about and he says he’s his greatest enemy. He’s 15."
– ___sephiroth
Some people are just plain rude.
Their Way Or The Highway
"Force their beliefs and opinions onto you—and act like a cranky baby for the smallest disagreements."
– Aceedbath
Pure Selfishness
"I find entitlement extremely unattractive. It manifests in many ways, like being rude to staff, demanding stuff, selfishing/self centeredness, expecting unreasonable things...."
"Just f'king naaaaah! Don't care if you're playboy grade 10/10, you ugly to me."
– downvote_quota
Star Of Their Own Show
"Base their life off social media likes."
– JD054
"Brag about themselves. Some body who practically ignores what anybody says and always tries making the conversation about themselves."
– tywalker215
Their Phone Is More Important
"Send texts to others all the time while you're hanging together. See ya."
– 3ilham0dgd
"Even if they text you all the time when they're with other people? /j"
– anon
"I have the opposite of this problem. I'm not a texter. My dates LOVE that I'm not reaching for my phone when we're out. But then they hate it when I don't text them back quickly."
– esoteric_enigma
The thing I have a problem with people is more like a pet peeve.
But I guess it still qualifies as an unattractive quality.
It's when people are consistently late and horrible keepers of time. I've gradually kept my distance from a number of people who weren't respectful enough to be punctual for a lunch or dinner date.
What's worse is when they're on time for other "important" obligations like reporting for work or any formal appointment.
But when it comes to meeting up with friends, they somehow think that taking their sweet time and running a "few minutes late" will be tolerated.
Nope to that.
Redditor YellowJellyCube wanted to hear about the jobs we can all do where the pay is good and the solitude is preferred, so they asked:
"What is the highest paying job that requires little to no interaction with other people?"
I write from home.
I avoid people constantly.
It certainly works for me.
Good Company
Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMANGiphy"I’m a data analyst, I talk to my dog more than people most weeks."
random-bot-2
"Sounds like you have good company."
PA_Dietitian
Heavy Objects
"Crane operator. Quarter mill a year to sit by yourself all day, with occasional requests to relocate heavy objects at or near the Earth's surface. But mostly, you sit and contemplate the view from up there."
pullin2
"Guy I used to work with was a retired crane operator. He drove a forklift at a manufacturing facility and all his money went to pay for his grandkid's college. Nicest guy on earth, and just loved every day."
"When he signed his name in the Union book to retire he was the most qualified crane operator IN THE WORLD. His last job was installing new HVAC units on the Empire State Building. The dude was making $500+/hr. 12hr days. 7 days per week (when on a site). That’s over $50k per week. He said it was all waiting and about 2-3 hours of work. Read tons of books. Sat alone all day."
Sometimes_Stutters
"Patent Examiner here. I go days without speaking to someone. And then it's usually only a 30min phone call."
AddendumDifferent719
"Hey, as a patent holder, I’ve interacted with you guys via my attorney. It’s a really strange thing to stretch a debate about a couple of words in a claim over a few weeks but I respect what you do."
porcelainvacation
Pipelines
"My friend makes good money testing pressure for oil pipelines in Alberta. Every morning he gets an email with where to go and run the test. He drives 2-6 hrs each way and plugs a machine on his pickup for a couple of hours, then sends the readings and drives home."
jimbosdayoff
Graveyard Shift
Halloween Skeleton GIF by Squirrel MonkeyGiphy"Graveyard security guard, on the graveyard shift."
Borykua
"They get to talk to lots of people they’re just all dead."
LF_redit
Why work in a graveyard?
At night?
Those are people who don't fear nightmares.
Road Rules
Double Take What GIF by LaffGiphy"Over the road truck driver can pay OK and is good for anti-social folk who want to avoid human contact most of the time."
woolash
"I’ve considered this option many times. Unfortunately, I have a low tolerance for stupid drivers."
Think_Profit4911
It Was Great
"My last job. Data Entry for a private aviation company. I worked in the basement with no windows. Typing. There was no need to talk to anybody. It was the worst, or so I thought at the time."
Squidstir
"I did a job like that. My dad worked for a company that supplied pipes and valves to oil refineries. When they switch a valve out, they had to record it on a paper form. Then someone had to take the papers and input them into Excel or something like that."
"So I used to get hired during my summer break to come in, sit in an empty office and input serial numbers and other info into an Excel spreadsheet. Was so incredibly boring, but I’d just listen to my headphones. It was great. I was also a night janitor at my college, so I’d work in the middle of the night and never had to talk to anyone. Glorious. Now I’m an elementary school teacher and I talk to people for 8 hours a day."
LittleWhiteBoots
3rd Shift
"Aerospace machine operator 3rd shift I see my boss on the last day of the month to discuss what work needs to be done for the following month. I don’t have anyone else that works in my little closed-off department room on my shift. I only see people when I come in as they’re leaving. I started the job 11 years ago at $57/hr I’ve moved up into a more serious department here and now I’m making $98.01/hr and there’s double time for overtime on Sundays."
tatted_gamer_666
From Home
"I used to know a guy who worked for a hedge fund. His job was to review all the accounting laws and make sure the firm was complying with them, as the laws are constantly changing. Pretty sure he made mid-6-figures and didn't have to interact much except for normal office chit-chat. These days you could probably work from home."
PMMeUrHopesNDreams
Back to Woof
"A friend of mine is a full-time dog walker. Been doing it for so long that he has keys to the apartments of people too busy to walk their dogs. Aside from the occasional hello, he mostly talks to dogs and makes close to 80k."
beardcloset
I love dogs.
But dog walking is a lot.
The rest of this list I may try.
Do you have any positions to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted all the men out there to share some necessities, so they asked:
"What are some 'guy secrets' girls don't know about?"
Decisions.
Don't be afraid to make them.
Guys appreciate a decisive nature.
But don't be aggressive.
Thank You...
Episode 5 Thank You GIF by PBSGiphy"We will NEVER forget getting a compliment. I used the same conditioner until it went out of production because someone told me my hair felt soft and smelled nice."
LordSwitchblade
Good Morning
"Sometimes when it's up, it's not because we're horny. But don't let that stop you, Queen."
Spiceinvader1234
"I once had a guy tell me 'If a guy has a morning erection it doesn’t mean you turn him on, he was probably just having a sex dream about someone else.' Ever since then I NEVER try to initiate anything in the morning. Is that true?"
LoisLaneintheRain
"It‘s because the body tests any function while you sleep and most of the time that time you begin to wake up it tests the function to get an erection."
Gennerig_LP
Back Up...
"Nice try honey, I still won’t tell you where I keep my snacks."
XxLongoTxX
"Oh, I found them. Days before I was silently soaking in the glory of my private eye skills while we watched (XYZ) on Netflix, and relishing over the fact that the joys of your deceit will soon evaporate into the void during the exact moment you discover you’ve been left with only the lemon flavored ones."
TheOGPotatoPredator
And you are?
"Dudes can be friends for years and not know each other's real name."
theonetrueemanu
"I've lived in my house for 2 years. I chat with my neighbor just about every day when leaving for work. I didn't want to ask him his name so I looked up the property records to find out that information."
ku_chi_mun_chin
"I worked in a grocery store with a guy who went by his middle name. I went by a nickname completely unrelated to my name. We both found out we didn't know each other's real names until 2 years after we started working together."
Funkeysismychildhood
Breathe
Tuesday Morning Reaction GIF by The Secret Life Of PetsGiphy"That big sigh my wife just asked about while we’re watching the 10 o’clock news? Nothing profound, nothing bugging me, I just remembered to breathe."
Gudakesa
Breathing is everything. It can change every moment.
What Up?
houston rockets yo GIF by TwitterGiphy"We have an entire language around the headnod."
baka2k10
"It’s weirdly sophisticated too. You can actually tell how comfortable guys are around each other based on if they say hello with an up-nod or a down-nod."
Juxta_Lightborne
Fake it until...
"Sometimes, that male confidence that you find attractive is us totally faking it while shaking on the inside, insecure AF."
Ok_Technology390
"I just had this exact conversation with my husband the other day. I was telling him how he seems so confident and I would never guess that he's really nervous or that he's not sure of himself."
"I would've never dreamed he gets all nervous and all that good stuff still to this day with me. I don't feel like it's still sunk in completely bc I was so shocked at how nervous he was explaining he'd get at times lol so props to the guys who fake it til they make it. Keep on bc you're doing a good job 💯."
Exciting-Courage4148
Stay Calm
"We don’t want to tell you certain things are worrying us because we do not want you to worry also… now there are just two people worrying, whereas before, one was worrying, and the other was happy, which is a reminder to us not to worry so much."
Mundane_Tour_3215
"It's a bit different if the person you're telling can do something about the issue, but for something currently unsolvable there's no reason to extend the misery to anyone else."
Zncon
Just say it!
"Please for the love of God let us know if you’re into us. Don’t wait for us to tell you first because we won’t because we don’t want to be called creeps."
Wunderbolts
"My current partner and I used to flirt and talk through text all day, every day for months before I told our best friends. I was so into him, but unsure how he felt. My girlfriend was like: he’s usually just like that; he’s friendly with all of our other friends that are girls and would even ask me if I wanted to stream things with him when [her bf and his best friend] was at work."
"So I put that to rest. But then his friend helped a little bit by interfering and he was nonchalant about his feelings for me to him. When I got the green light I should just do it, I admitted my feelings for him. We’re close to celebrating a year in our LDR. We met in person for the first time a couple of months ago and he’s coming here soon. Best decision of my life to just say how I was feeling."
emeraldpotion
So many secrets.
So many truths.
Lesson? Try not to worry.