A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician observe an empty building...
They see two people entering the building and sometime later, see three coming out. The biologist declares, "Oh, they must have reproduced." The engineer argues, "Our initial count must have been incorrect." The mathematician says, "Now if one more person goes into the building, it will be completely empty."
I was never a big fan of math or science, but that joke makes me chuckle. You don't necessarily have to be a master of those subjects to understand the punch lines. When Redditor u/Butcheey asked people, "What's a good science joke?", some very smart people stepped up to deliver laughs. And while they honestly go over my head sometimes, hopefully their nuances won't be lost on you!
Who's training who?tv land dog GIF by nobodies.Giphy
Ivan Pavlov is sitting in a bar. The phone behind the bar starts ringing. Pavlov shoots up out of his chair and shouts, "Oh, s**t! I forgot to feed the dog!"
For the math heads
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says to the bartender: "I'll have a beer." The second one says: "I'll have half a beer." The third one says: "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
The bartender pours two beers and says "you guys need to learn your limits."
What's the difference?
Einstein and his wife were going through a rough time:
Einstein: "What can I do, I'll do anything"
Wife: "I just need two things right now, space and time"
Einstein: "and the second?"
Rocks can be fun
2 tectonic plates bumped into each other. 1 said, oops, my fault! :)
People slate geology jokes way too much
Anyone a plumber or chemist?
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized
I love this joke, because it works perfectly in a written format, but there's no good way to express it orally.
That's true for any job
I'm an electrical engineer and whenever somebody asks how my day was, I always say it had its positives and negatives.
I used to be into model rocketry. Anytime someone commented on how cool that is, I would say it had its ups and downs.
What do these two know?
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are traveling in a car when they get pulled over. The cop asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "no, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The officer takes this peculiar response as grounds to search the vehicle. Upon opening the trunk of the car, he finds a dead cat. He then asks the two men "did you know there was a dead cat in the trunk?"
Schrodinger replies "well I do now!"
Time traveling punchlinesBack To The Future Film GIFGiphy
The bartender says "sorry, we don't server faster than light particles here."
Two tachyons walk into a bar.
You know what the worst thing about time travel jokes is?
Why did no one say a word when the king farted?
Because noble gases don't cause reactions
Helium walked into a bar Bar tender says We don't server Noble Gases round here. Helium Doesn't react
This joke has layers
Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are all playing a game of hide and seek. It's Einstein's turn to be "it", so he closes his eyes and starts counting. Pascal immediately goes and finds a place to hide. Newton however doesn't go anywhere. Instead he takes out a piece of chalk, draws a 1m X 1m square on the floor, and steps inside it. Einstein finally gets done counting, opens his eyes, and exclaims "Aha, Newton I have found you!" To which Newton replies "But no, you have found Pascal!"
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What was the nicest thing someone ever did for you?
I was a really shy child, and was very self-conscious and unsure about myself. That was until a parent teacher conference. I had been to a few at that point in my elementary school years. Usually, the parent/teacher meetings were straight forward and focused on how bad I was at math. But one year, a teacher also took the time to mention my other strengths, calling me creative, intelligent, and kind. Her taking the time to say such a thing really boosted my self confidence for the long term.
Redditor u/minimalisticbeauty wanted to hear similar stories of kindness, and so asked people... "What was the nicest thing someone has done for you?"
A funeral her mother deserved
My mother died and I was so stressed trying to find a way to give her the funeral she deserved. My boyfriend went down to the funeral home, made the arrangements, and paid the balance. By FAR the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Life changing lessonssad piano GIF by Freddy ArenasGiphy
When I was about 13, the pastor of our family church heard me practicing Chopin on the piano.
Knowing my parents couldn't afford it, he offered to pay for my music studies (organ, piano, music theory and ear training) so that I'd be prepared to enter music conservatory after high school.
All he asked for in return was that I'd help out with the church's music program when needed (which, in itself, proved to be a wonderful learning experience).
This kind, generous man spent thousands of his own money to help me along the way to a rewarding career in music.
A bright spot in a dark week
I went to a local breakfast spot after a rough night. Totally forgot my wallet so I left my phone as collateral and went to my house.
Came back and some guy had already paid for me. I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal but it was a pretty bleak week for me so it meant a lot.
The bully wasn't all bad
One of my highschool bullies invited me to his house to hangout for a day, I was really nervous it might just be to screw with me, but I was desperate for some sort of friendship so I went over. We're now best friends and he and his family feels like family to me and I have no idea how we ever disliked each other.
A second family was there
When my parents were awful, and my sister was passing away, my friends parents took me in for a while but they did it in a way that seemed like a sleepover (for a few months). I didn't realize until I was an adult how much they stepped up for me.
This paramedic went above and beyond
A paramedic helping me after I was in a car crash took his time to come back to the car and bring me back my front tooth (that was really tiny and he offered to go and look for it in a wreck) and at the same time found and brought back my partner's phone. I don't know his name, I was in such a state of shock I can't even remember how he looked like. But he put my tooth in a special liquid and the hospital team managed to put it back, saving me a lot of money. There was also a policewoman who put a blanket on me and made sure I kept it (the hospital only managed to take it off me right before I left, it was a green standard first aid blanket, I don't know why I refused to let go of it, again, shock, but it provided a lot of comfort).
Thank you so much, guys.
Even if it was for the wrong reasons, it was the right thing
My ex-girlfriend turned me in for stealing opiates. Been clean a little over two years now. May have saved my life.
It was definitely malicious intent but it had the unintended byproduct of forcing me to get my s**t together.
Very special birthday cards
My grandmother made a ton of birthday cards in advance. After she passed away, I still received birthday cards from her for the next few years. It was a little weird, but it was definitely nice to hear words from her after she passed.
The teacher aid stepped up
Growing up I was severely neglected and abused and had no friends due to my lack of hygiene and social skills. One of my teacher aids brought me to her house to play with her daughter, brought me on family trips with them, gave me clean clothes, and just showed me an insane amount of kindness I'll never be able to repay.
Online celebrationsbirthday cake GIFGiphy
I have an online friend in another country and one time she made a cake for my birthday with my name on it because she knew no one else would do anything
Since the global pandemic, we've learned a lot about some of the people around us...
Such as the fact that they don't believe in science or facts. Though they use science to get through their daily lives (internet, transportation, medication, etc.), somehow, part of the population is convinced that the virus is a conspiracy created just to inconvenience them.
We're all familiar with such folks. That's why Redditor u/yenake asked, "What is the dumbest Coronavirus theory you heard from someone?"
20. Follow the money...
That it was invented by anyone. You're a ****ng idiot if you're suggesting people are out here bioengineering diseases in secret and also not selling a cure that works.
I never heard the melanin theory....
I just remember early on when cases were still low there were black people who truly believed they couldn't get it because they have more melanin in their skin...and now the black community unfortunately has some of the most cases so look how that turned out
That wearing the mask blue side out protects others, while wearing the white side out protects yourself.
The one thing leaders will cooperate on
That viruses in general don't exist and that Corona was invented to take away fundamental rights in my country. Sure, the countries in the world can never agree on anything, but suddenly they can all work together and fake a global pandemic to take away rights from people in one country.
Viruses aren't homophobic
Hey, remember that priest that said Coronavirus is God's punishment for the gays. And then he caught it.
If he truly believes what he said, the only logical conclusion must be that he's gay.
Everyone needs to wear a mask
That it's a conspiracy to kill off black people by restricting our breathing with the masks, and that all white people are in on it.
Still waiting on that Rapture
In my moms words "Coronavirus was created by the shadow elite and as agents of the devil And bIg pharma they're going to make billions of dollars off the vaccine and the vaccine, which is synonymous with the mark of the beast, will contain bio chips,poison, and gene altering compounds that will fill our bodies with cancer all while making us their slaves and we will suffer for the remainder of our time on earth until the rapture begins and we are sentenced to hell on earth."
Stay away from my knee fluid
That doctors made up Covid-19 so they could steal synovial fluid off people and sell it in the black market. Just a drop of this fluid is worth billions, and all medical staff are out to lie to you ate steal your knee synovial fluid.
The aliens did itparty dancing GIFGiphy
My cousin said that the reason the virus started was due to the space defense system failing to stop an alien from reaching Earth.
Some presidential advice
You should inject yourself with cleaning supplies to ward away covid.
Thanks Donald, that's really helpful. What should if there's a fire? Open all the windows and doors, and wait inside for help?
The world doesn't revolve around you
That it doesn't exist because "I don't know anyone who has it"
I had a few customers say something similar. "I've never met someone that had it." You can imagine their surprise when I said "well, now you have." The responses were everything from incredibly dismissive to revulsion to genuine fear.
Phones aren't even that reliable
Wire inside masks (the one that on certain masks you have to push down to make tighter over your nose) is connected to 5G towers and is making the coronavirus worse. Coworker was dead serious, too.
That's incredible tech if you can get reliable connections from stuff in a 5-pack at the dollar store. Wish Sprint was that reliable.
Spoiler - there's no chip
One of my cousins told me that 5G chips are directly inserted in the masks offered by institutions and you get directly infected by wearing the masks.
I asked him to prove it to me by showing me a 5G chip in one of the masks.
They were a no show
In March my country's health minister basically said that Corona will all blow over by April. When asked what will be different in April, he responded something to the effect of "The messiah will come in April".
Spoiler alert: no messiah. (I could be somewhat foggy on the details.)
Where'd they get that idea?
Coronavirus can spread through in-game voicechat
Had a friend hang up on me when I told her I tested positve
I'll take my chances
some people seriously believe that corona virus can be cured by drinking cow urine
I'd rather take my chances with the virus.
How to lose a crush immediately
A guy I knew and liked told me to my face that 5G towers were giving people Covid. Nothing I said would shift him In that belief. In the end I just told him that was what Flatards would say and he took massive offence. Haven't seen him since
The source does not exist
That 'COVID-19' stands for 'China Originating Viral Infectious Disease - (batch) 19.' WHO confirmed it and everything apparently. No sources available when I asked for them.
Drink your beers in peace
You can get corona from the beer corona people actually believed and tried to ban the beer
If the Corona beer company went out of business because of human stupidity I would literally design a rocket and **** off into space somewhere else.
Religion can be a beautiful thing...
But even the most devoted can notice flaws. While learning the stories behind your faith, or reading religious texts, there may be some passages that make you do a double take. Maybe it's outdated or completely lacking logic, but sometimes there can be humor found in it.
Redditor u/sebastian-yrigoyen asked people to share the plot holes they've noticed while practicing their religion, and some people made very good points.
Could someone explain the rules for heaven?
Late to the party, but in Islam there's the belief that God knows everything you will do before you're even born. Meaning that we don't control our own actions. At the same time, to get into Heaven, you need to-- of your own accord-- pray 5 times daily, read the Quran, etc. So my thing is this: If God knows what everyone is gonna do beforehand, and He knows people aren't gonna do what it takes to get into Heaven (cause he is omniscient); doesn't this then mean that God has already decided who goes to Heaven and who gets Hell? Cause there's no possible way in any Abrahamic religion (cause they all operate under the "do this to get into paradise" thing and all have God knowing everything before it happens) that we'd be able to try to get into Heaven. And this is just the tip of the iceberg on questions
We are created as we should be
I would say about 3/4 of hardcore Christians think being LGBT is wrong and against their god, but then also say that "God created everyone exactly how he wants them to be" like ?????
Many people die in that book
I want to know why so many Christians say that murder is wrong but ignore all the killing that God did in the Bible. Like, how do they justify drowning everyone except Noah and his family?
When was sin created?
I am a Christian and a thing that has really puzzled me is that if Adam and Eve ever gave birth to a child wouldn't it be a sin even if marriage wasn't a thing back then? Like despite marriage not being a thing back then it would still technically be a sin in the future. Or did God make marriage a thing in the future and just brush it off since Marriage wasn't a thing back then? I am confusion.
The mysterious story of Easter
Why did they roll a big rock over the the entrance of the cave where Jesus's body was taken to after he died? It seems like something that was insanely impractical for people to do at the time. Was it common practice to throw bodies in a cave and then seal it? If so, was Jesus the last body to be put in? To a non-believer, it just seems like something the story added to make the story more convincing, but it doesn't really make sense outside of the set up for a resurrection story.
On the same subject, I've heard a preacher talk about how Jesus basically teleported out of the cave after the resurrection, but god apparently sent an angel to sit on the boulder which was moved out of the way (for no reason). That implies that not only was there a resurrection, but god thought it wasn't miraculous enough and had to add a dash of showmanship to the whole coming back from the dead thing. What's up with that?
To see is to believe
Why has there been no "holy magical" moments in our time like there's nothing to actually show gods presence. And that's why I'm secretly unreligous(my parents are religious)
The ridiculous life spans of Biblical figures
Christians claim that the people in the Bible lived to be absurdly old. For example, they say that Noah was around 650 years old when he built the ark and didn't die until he was older then 900. How could this even be remotely possible? It doesn't make sense because they would have lived much shorter lives then we do in the present. They wouldn't have had access to modern medicine or anything.
Plot points were suddenly abandoned
So we all know that Jesus is the main focus of the new testament, but my biggest question is, what happened to him between the ages of 12 and 30
In the entirety of the bible itself,a number of immaculate creatures were named (such as the Behemoth, Leviathan,etc.) but not heard of after being mentioned and no one has ever interacted with them ever since
(Although I've read other christian texts, this is going to be one for people have not) where did giants come from, and even more astonishingly, where did they go
No one ever told you about the aquarium on the ark?
What happened to all the fresh water fish in the flood
Noah had a 50 gallon aquarium on the ark
Careful who you say that to
I was raised a Scientologist. There are many plot holes.
This is the trouble when your messenger is a 2 bit sci-fi author with fraudulent tendencies.
The dating pool was pretty nonexistent
"In the beginning there was Adam and Eve" Ok, I'm following that. 2 people on the planet.
They had 2 sons named Cain and Able. Yep, still with it. 4 people on the planet.
Cain killed Able. Ok, thats down to 3 people on the planet.
Cain took a wife. Wait, wut?
Mythology is all over the place
This isn't my religion, but I always found it hypocritical that the gods punished Oedipus for sleeping with his mother without realizing it, despite the fact that Zeus married his own sister while being fully aware that they were siblings.
Loki's backstory is actually tricky
why doesn't Sleipnir have the same sentience as his half siblings when they're all children of Loki? where does all the extra mead from Heiðrún go? and that's only the beginning.
This person just admitted they're a viking and no one noticed.
I imagine they were hard to misstheme park dinosaur GIFGiphy
The lack of dinosaurs.
Why does he make us suffer the foxes?the fox band GIFGiphy
If God is the all knowing intelligent being that created everything, what was his reasoning around making foxes mating noises, if Humans are his children and he loves us why make us suffer every night listening to screaming of little horny foxes.
Is there a grey area?
If good people go to heaven and bad people goes to hell, and also we'll see again loved one after death, what happen when a good people love a bad people? (Think a mother with a serial killer son for instance)
Is the good people condemned to spend eternity without their loved one? How is it fair?
Surprised I scrolled down this far to find this, but this was a problem that I raised a lot in my religious classes a child. Never got an answer, usually I was met with a strict scolding.
About the closest I ever got to an answer was that in heaven everyone will be so perfectly happy it will be as if our connections from earth won't matter. Obviously they didn't know and were speculating but that actually made me feel even worse.
Who does Satan think he is?
Why would satan punish humans for rebelling against god, something that he himself once did. I've always thought of it as hypocritical, and that satan would reward the human for exercising their free will and living a life free of religious constraints.
It's a special privilege
God is perfect and cannot sin. There exists "the wrath of God." Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins.
Yes but He has a special permit
JUST the 2 of "US?"
If Adam and Eve were the first two people on Earth and are responsible for the birth of all people ever, than the entire human race is the product of incest.
Although, to be fair, that does explain quite a lot.
My wife and I got married in the church that her and her family went to growing up. Part of the process of being married in the church meant that we had to do pre marriage classes. During these classes we had to discuss a variety of topics including sexual relationships between husband and wife.
We were told that the catholic church does not believe in any form of birth control, a child is a gift from god. Couples looking to engage in intercourse just need to keep track of a woman's cycle and that would be fine. Kind of seemed like someone trying to rig a lottery.
The Lost Years
What happened to Jesus in his teen years though?
There's actually a really good and funny book called "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pall" that takes place during his teen years where Jesus (Joshua in the book) and Biff go out and try to figure out how he's supposed to be a prophet. And I take that book as full cannon.
because HE said so....jesus GIFGiphy
If man is not perfect, but man wrote the Bible how am I supposed to trust what I'm reading from the Bible. How do I know they didn't mess anything up?
Because it Christian faith the Bible was written by God through people, so they only wrote down what He told them to.
Meant to be the Villain
I don't know if this is considered as a plot hole:
Judas Iscariot was essential to Jesus' plan. If he didn't sold Jesus out then the prophecy will not come true. Why then is he considered a villain? He should be at the top! He got the job done!
The belief was that although Judas couldn't disregard his role in betraying Jesus, the fact was that he chose to kill himself (hanging himself from a tree) as opposed to genuinely repent. We see that Peter also betrayed Jesus but ultimately seeks forgiveness etc.
Forgive them yourself?
If you're God and you need to split off part of you to send to earth to die for the sins of mankind, wouldn't it just be faster to like... forgive them yourself? I mean you aren't scoring points from me for this convoluted story of some Virgin getting knocked up by you to give birth to a form of you that I'm supposed to feel bad about when they die for my sins even though that was their whole purpose.
We can read Egyptian hieroglyphics. They kept extensive records. No mention of using Jewish slaves to build the pyramids, them revolting, a royal named Moses or a Red Sea parting.
Although interestingly Moses is actually a fairly common Egyptian name but the guys who wrote the Bible didn't seem to know that. They made a different story about the name's origin (She named him Moses (Moshe), saying, 'I drew him out (meshitihu) of the water'.)
It's very weak, of course, but it's a hint that there might be some truth to the Moses was in Egypt story.
Gotta start somewhere....keanu reeves whatever GIFGiphy
An omnipotent being is used to explain the origin of everything in this universe, but there's no explanation for the origin of said omnipotent being.
Where is the lineage?
Adam and Eve had 3 sons...
The bible (and most ancient scripture) is notorious for not listing daughters of people unless they have a key role to play in the religion and/or government. Normally only list the males because of the "lineage."
Virgin Mary had a child. Glances suspiciously at churches/catholic schools stating abstinence is 100% effective in avoiding a pregnancy.
Not really a plot hole in the Christianity , but a plot hole in the interpretation of it.
Christianity was originally highly Jewish based and they didn't like Romans, a few centuries later it was Roman/ European based and they heavily discriminated Jewish people. What?
This one is easily explained and historically substantiated. Rome was working furiously to kill all the Christians. However, it just wasn't working. It seemed the more that they killed, the more their numbers would grow. Constantine saw a political opportunity and followed the advice of the old adage "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and officially changed the religion of Rome to Christianity. Most consider it a politically motivated decision. The Catholics say he converted himself and the entire country and they recognize him as an important figure in the history of their religion.
Lilith, who was Eve before Eve. She was created first to be equal to Adam, but didn't take kindly to constantly being told what to do, so she was kicked out of paradise (or left of her own will maybe). She supposedly had sex with angels or something, creating other tribes. Then God was like, "Well, screwed that one up. Next one will be a total sub." And so he made Eve out of a piece of Adam to make sure we always remember that women are owned by men.
To the Point!
I could live my entire life, adhering completely to the Christian moral compass, save millions of lives, treat every person with the utmost respect and dignity, refuse all toxic thoughts and actions, and yet (according to most Christian dogma) I would still burn in hell for eternity if I didn't believe the Christian God exists.
That sentiment alone tells me that morality, and the course of our lives in general, is irrelevant in the end. All that matters is that the Christian God gets recognition. That God, to me, sounds more narcissistic than benevolent and loving. And therefore, is not a God I wish to worship.
There's also issues such as, if God is truly omnipotent and omniscient then he could have purged the world of all suffering and pain. But he hasn't because... he loves us? Because somehow the gift of free will, and therefore the gift of imperfection is more important than letting your children suffer and experience pain? Some children are born into poverty, beaten, starved, and killed before 10 years of age, without ever seeing kindness. What's the lesson there God? Why must you treat the creations you love with such disdain solely to "make a point."
I could go on. There's so many issues I have with that belief system and narrative.
It's about Me!
God teaches us that it is a sin to be envious, and to be prideful, and that we must have compassion and understanding for others. And yet he will literally condemn someone to an eternity in hell for not worshiping him, even if said person has literally never heard of him.
Morals be damned
No longer religious, but one of the biggest contradictions in Christianity is that human beings by nature are morally imperfect beings. Yet a necessary component for the forgiveness of sins includes having the right sort of beliefs toward Jesus. How does it make sense that a person's eternal destiny relies solely on an imperfect being having a specific belief. I think we can all agree that human beings are morally imperfect, but I'd argue that they're far more imperfect when it comes to having true beliefs (assuming Christianity was true). It seems entirely unfair that that is the thing that people are judged on. People would have to be epistemically perfect to be judged on their beliefs.
Woofdon bluth 80s GIFGiphy
The concept of eternal peace and joy in heaven sounds very psychologically degrading long term. It sounds like living like a pet dog.
It's said that god's first plan was to just create Adam. Then Adam started complaining about him wanting to be alone and out of parts God took from Adam he made Eve.
But here's my question, how would Adam have reproduced if he wouldn't have felt the need for a female companion? Gay sex? With himself? Did he have reproductive organs that could just spit out Adam 2.0?
525,600 Minutes....idina menzel GIF by Rent the MusicalGiphy
That the earth way created in 3 day. How tf were there days before the earth existed? Was God measuring 'days' based off another planet he created?
Well first he separates light from darkness and that's the first day, right? Assuming whoever wrote that down wasn't aware of other planets or that the earth revolved around the sun or even turned, just that light is intermittent and one cycle of light + dark is a day. Not great, but it does make sense.
I know someone who's Baha'i. They believe that every prophet talked about the same God, but according to what He wanted/thought was best at that certain time, and they believe that god is only good. No need to get deep with that second thing, and for the first one, smthg that kinda pisses me off, seeing how incoherent it is, they recognize every prophet, until Baha'u'llah (19th century).
The ones who came after, welp, don't care. But according to their faith, they should follow the most recent religion. Tho, they also say there are some fake prophets who act for their own pleasure etc etc. So here's the thing, and i guess i should ask, to see if they all believe that.
Not my religion, but why a Christian will condemn someone to Hell for being gay (condemning someone to Hell also being forbidden), because Leviticus, while eating shrimp and covered in tattoos, also Leviticus. Then telling the gay person it's ok for the Christian because Christ loves them, and he's cool with it. Isn't sin, sin? Is there only a 30 day sentence for eating shrimp, but death penalty for loving someone of your same sex?
So spiteful....morgan freeman i'm god GIFGiphy
The fact that God literally killed humanity because they were all sinners, but then he says love your fellow human.
billions & billions....
I used to be Catholic; I'm now an atheist.
But, if Jesus came to save everyone from sin 2,000 years ago, what about all the other human beings who lived and died 150,000 years before he showed up? Why weren't they saved? Christians will tell you that God saved them anyway, but why do we then have to deal with the can of worms Jesus opened and we have to follow the Ten Commandments and go to Church and tithe and everything else when they didn't have to?
There are about 100 billion galaxies each with about 100 billion stars; the odds are very favorable that intelligent life exists elsewhere containing civilizations who will rise up and go extinct before we ever even get CLOSE to finding them. Are they saved? Why didn't Jesus go to them?
The Bible is an arbitrary collection. Works were edited, things were lost in translation, books of the Bible were accumulated over time and voted on by councils; some made it in, some didn't. Given that it's basically held together by centuries of drafts and edits and additions and subtractions, how can we trust it? Yet, it's supposed to be THE word of God.
...I could go on.
There's nothing like being raised Catholic to make you a nonbeliever lol.
The best warriors are chosen upon death and half of them is sent to Valhalla.
The problem is that it's the worse half of the chosen. So you have to get enough battle prowess but not too much if you want to get to Valhalla... or you can use the Persuasion skill, of course.
Outside the Lines
Not really a "plot" hole, but an ethical one. In the guideline book for my religion, it makes several references that the means is justified by the end.
"Lets flood the entire planet and kill off trillions of life forms to get rid of evil."
"Reduce a city to ash for sinning, and anybody who looks at it turns to ash too."
"Im gonna make this one guy in particular lose literally everything he has; job, family, estate, etc., to prove that he will still worship me" -God
Even outside of the book of guidelines, people say it all the time.
"God is only putting us through this hardship so that we come out better."
I heard someone say that God made Coronavirus so that we could develop faster as a planet.
Someone said that school shootings were good, so that kids could get more protection in school.
But really? You're telling me that the hundreds of thousands of lives that have been lost are all worth it? Yeah, we've come a long way. But I would rather have these kids alive, right now.
I am Jewish. I am also a massive ancient history nerd.
In one of the first parts of the Torah, Abraham "returns to the land of the Philistines."
Problem: There were no Philistines at the putative time of Abraham. Even from the perspective of Biblical narrative.
The Philistines arrive at the end of the 1200s BCE and were only barely established in the current Gaza area by the time the Israelites start establishing themselves in portions of modern0day Israel/Palestine.
The chronology is just plain wrong.
No Matter What
It's not my religion but....
"I love everyone no matter what" followed by "You better love me back or I'm gonna hate you forever and torture you for eternity" followed by "I don't love those people neither should you, what you should do is make their lives a living hell."
And on the 5th?
I don't believe in any kind of God but I've always found it funny how in the bible, God made the sun on the fourth day. How could there have been any days before that?
Yeah so I believe in the original translation it says God created the world in 4 time periods, not really days. So it could have taken thousands of years, and Moses just used "time periods" because he wasn't there and didn't know how long God spent on each creation.
Loosed Inspired Bywriting GIFGiphy
Literally every biblical story. The more I read it, the less sense it makes.
Also the fact that we have to listen to some men who were "supposedly inspired by God" to write misogynistic crap and give stronger grounds to their own selfish need for power.
Bad with Names
If Jesus' mother was told by an angel that she was going to bear the messiah in the book of Luke, why did she and the rest of the family go chasing after Jesus telling everyone he was out of his head in the opening pages of Mark?
Three separate storytellers and written down 70-110 years after the death of the Messiah by others, not the actual apostles.
This is my problem with some religions: Why would you condemn us to hell if there's no/circumstantial evidence for your specific religion? If God just wanted us to have faith, why would he think we wouldn't worship other deities with the same amount of proof? Agnostic btw.
It's harder to believe than fiction.
But fiction (usually) tries to follow a path of logic and is at least somewhat reasonable in events and characters. Also the plotholes are usually few are defendable as "the character didn't think of that". The same cannot be said for any religion I have looked into.
Satan the Greatdevil satan GIFGiphy
If Satan punishes those who sin, wouldn't he be considered a good guy?
Alternatively, if Satan is a bad guy, why would he punish other sinners?
Perfect Word of God
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all have different conflicting accounts of what happened regarding the empty tomb. Did just Mary go alone or did the other Mary go too? Was there an earthquake or did the stone instantly move away or was the stone already rolled away? Did one or two or no angels show and talk to them? Did they go and tell everyone or were they too afraid to? Did they find Jesus was gone and then called the disciples to come see or did the angels tell them to go tell all the disciples? Did Jesus appear in the tomb and talk to Mary?
This is one of the plot holes that led me from being a firm believer fundamentalist to an agnostic wishy washy whatevs guy :D
Now my Christian belief system has to come to terms with the Perfect Word of God and the imperfect accounts in the Old and New Testaments.
Idk about plot holes in my religion, but I like one thing the most in my religion, it mentions a third form of life (apart from a man and woman) and I realized ancient India was very gender fluid, in fact even today whenever a baby is about to be born or is just born, Transgender people go to the new baby's house to give the baby blessing, it is considered auspicious. But ever since Britishers left India, LGBTQ+ community has been looked down upon. I hope they get the same recognition like the ancient times.
I am not that religious, I just was more curious about hinduism in quarantine coz boredom was eating me up so I thought let's try the spiritual way what my parents do lmao.
Do you read?
Raised Catholic, now Protestant. As a Catholic, I looked at the Protestants and thought "WTF, 1500 years after Jesus and suddenly you create your own church?" Now I'm like "Have you Catholics even read the Bible?" Main conclusion I've come to is that people are limited in what they can fully understand, so we all try to hold onto that small part we can grasp. So I'm chill with anyone who affirms Matthew 22, Chapters 36-40.
Silly Humansparty dancing GIFGiphy
Humans just invented religion to have a little more sense in life and how everything is the way it is. For humans everything must have a meaning, since all the things we invented make a sense and have a function, even we people ourselves need to have a function, but that's maybe not how the world is built, we are not here for any reason, it's only a happenstance that we exist, that life on our world exists. That's why I believe more in aliens than I believe in any kind of god. Sorry for the bad english by the way.
I'm right here Y'all!
That Judas betrayal of Jesus doesn't make sense.
Jesus wasn't hiding. He rode into Jerusalem in broad daylight. Everyone knew he was coming. Judas' help wasn't needed to catch him.
I'm a lapsed catholic. Idolatry is one of the biggest "plot holes." If you worship the virgin Mary or any other saint you are as a matter of fact doing blasphemy. Don't come with the argument of them being a "middle man." Speak to god directly. The worship of saints is pretty much polytheism with yahweh (christian god) being Zeus's equivalent.
So Many ???Confused Dogs GIF by moodmanGiphy
Former catholic.. still waiting for somebody to explain Jesus's DNA situation is.. is he haploid? Where does his Y chromosome come from? So many questions.
Watch & Learn
Bring on the downvotes bc I know I'm going to get them.
No bible is the word of God written by man. They are the words of MEN written by MEN.
FFS there are over 1,000 denominations of Christianity alone, each knowing their version is the right one and all others are blasphemy.
Not to mention every bible from each religion is packed with contradictions...
After you've lived someplace for awhile, you learn what is acceptable in a community.
There are unspoken rules we all follow. For example, don't cut in line. Or, always offering to pay a dinner bill. It's these little things that keep us all getting along for the most part. A downside to traveling, especially abroad, is that you don't know what others expect of you. You may mean well, but your actions could be seen an rude or insulting. But Redditor u/Marsh-Memez attempted to clear any confusion when they asked people around the world, "What's a big no-no in you country?"
They're mindful of their dirty shoes
I'm from Canada. Wearing shoes in the house is a huge no-no. No one wants your dirty shoes all over their carpet.
Even if someone insists it's okay, people might still take them off.
It's very easy to earn a shorter sentence
Staying in jail, apparently, because almost every robber, corrupt politician, etc. gets out of jail before finishing their sentence
To do milk first sound unnatural
UK. Putting the milk in first in a cup of tea.
Milk before teabag and bringing up the Jaffa cake debate. I've wasted hours.
Drugs aren't tolerated, at all
Carrying drugs? Jail and hanging
Being on drugs? Jail
Talking about drugs? Jail
Don't mess with drugs in South East Asia.
This very specific taunt doesn't fly in Romania
In Romania (mostly in the north west) yelling "Istenem pierdut Ardeal" has been known to cause massive street fights between hungarians and romanians. "Istenem" is magyar for "Oh my God" and "pierdut Ardeal" is broken romanian for "we've lost Transylvania" making fun of the hungarian minority status and the stereotypical hungarian who can't talk romanian well (emphasis on stereotypical) all at the same time.
I am definitely a door slammer
Slamming a car door: Brazil. As a North American currently staying in Brazil, I learned this one the hard way. Apparently us North Americans tend to slam the **** out of our car doors. Here you have to perfect the art of gently shutting a car door.
Respect the moss
Pick moss in the uk i dont know why i was told its illegal by my brother
They're judging you because it's rude
Putting your feet on the bus seat. People will usually avoid confronting you, but you will be silently judged as the heathen you are.
I think doing these things wouldn't fly anywhere
I don't live there but in Japan it's a big no to talk on your cellphone on the train, spitting in public is another no.
Not only talking on your phone, making noise in public transports is a big no-no (= considered rude)
Dating is tough
I'm Indian so it's prolly DATING. Even in your 20s.
No smiles here
Smiling and being courteous, in Czech Republic.
My favorite was a picture of one of the city's volleyball teams. There was one American and exactly one person smiling in the picture.
However, as cold and quiet as Czechs are, they are oddly compelled to say goodbye every time they exit an elevator.
The world can be a disappointing place
Homosexuality. I live in Nigeria big I don't have a problem with it but a lot of people do
Same where I come from. Sodomy is punishable by whipping. Atheism is also not recognized in my country. It is in our consitution that everyone one needs to practice a religion. Although we are a secular country, you must convert to islam if you marry a muslim for it to be legal. Apostasy is punishable by death, and it is by law that if you are born a malay you must be islam.
Pushing into a queue. God help you. England.
Also: pushing into a queue that you didn't realise was a queue because it somehow organically formed a distance away from the thing you all happen to be queuing for.
It's only the right thing to do
When drinking with friends. Leaving without buying your round. That **** will get you kneecapped.
On the other hand, start ordering expensive cocktails and see how quickly the others start to whinge. They'll leave you alone real quick. Irish Goodbye.
We all need to stay far away from each other right now
Not sitting as far away as possible from any other person when you get on a bus.
You think Swedes don't practice social distancing; well, we are and we always have been.
My favourite joke so far about social distancing in Sweden is that we can't wait for the recommended 2 metre distance to be over so we can go back to 5 metres again.
That's because pineapple doesn't belong on pizza
Saying that you like Hawaiian pizza. People will get offended and insult u for this in Italy. Dont try it!
To be fair, a proper Italian style pizza really wouldn't work with pineapple. It definitely a fits a greasy, thicc crusted Pizza Hut / dominoes kind of style though.
You must eat everything your grandparents serve you
Going to your grandparents or relatives house and refusing to eat all the food they offer you. And that is usually a whole table filled with slana cu ceapa, mamaliga, sarmale and palinca. I'm from Romania
No crazy flavor profiles here
You don't mix traditionally sweet and traditionally savory foods. Try to feed someone back home honey-glazed chicken and see what happens to you. Just try it. We dare you.
I would appreciate if you kept your shoes on too
Taking your shoes off when you enter someone's home. It's considered rude cause no one wants to smell your stinky feet. If you're uncomfortable in your shoes, you're supposed to ask for permission to take them off. Just something along the lines of "do you mind if I take my shoes off, they're bothering me?"
1. We can all guess which country this is
Wearing masks to help flatten the curve of a global pandemic.