Body modification procedures are not uncommon these days.
If it makes a person have an improved perception of their bodies, the option for body enhancement should be available to them without judgment.
The people of Reddit explored ideas for improving the human penis when Redditor BleakPidgeon asked:
"If you were able to design penis 2.0, what would you change?"
People fantasize about being able to dictate the behavior of the phallus.
Adjustable Mood
"Manual horny control. I can turn off my horniness whenever I want."
– TizACoincidence
They Say When
"I don't have a penis, but I imagine it'd be quite helpful for men to be able to *choose* when they get their boners instead of it happening randomly."
– Sso_12
Change In Direction
"I can control which way it bends."
– kinghippo79
Timed Release
"Ejaculate control. Not a drop comes out until the user wishes it to."
– ParanoidRecordPlayer
A Hard Fix
"Same for erections. They happen when you want them, and you have a dial for controlling the erection. These two features would have given us a fighting chance against our robotic overlords."
– [deleted]
Different functions to the Johnson would please these Redditors.
The Spray Option
"I would add a small spray type shifter around the circumference of the area just behind the head of the penis just like the hose nozzles to change how the fluid comes out of the penis."
"No longer shall we suffer from missing the toilet with a jetspeed straight line piss option."
"No longer shall we feel the pain of passing a kidney stone with the mist option."
"No longer shall we struggle with producing large loads for our SOs satisfaction with the large sloppy stream option."
"We will truly be the most advanced adaptation of the human."
– Truesarge
Setting The Pulse
"It will vibrate."
– TristanTruste
For Business Or Pleasure
"Make it have 2 modes:"
"Mode 1 - just sex - can still ejaculate as usual but cannot get anyone pregnant. Can control when the orgasm happens so you can have longer sex or quickies depending on the situation."
"Mode 2 - baby making mode."
– No-Reality3469
With Great Pleasure
"Multiple orgasms without having to cum but they all lead up to a spectacular one in which you do cum."
– Porkrinder_58
Safety Signal
"It will go flaccid and retract into the pelvis if there are STDs within 5 feet."
– EerieArizona
"Family gatherings are going to be awkward."
– VlaamsBelanger
Some of the requests were innocuous.
Schlong Conversations
"It can talk. I get lonely sometimes."
– oonopson
No More Competition
"I would make them all the same size. It would probably create world peace and harmony 😂"
– schnesnchowIgo
If an option for an improved pecker was available, what changes would you suggest for an ultimate penile experience?
It's safe to say most men are obsessed with their penises.
I mean, I get it... I'm a dude, in case you haven't figured it out yet. A penis is a sensitive organ, okay?
Super sensitive. We're bound to be very protective of it.
We know that penises allow us to urinate and that they also play a major role in human reproduction. But suppose they could do much more than that?
Men could truly take over the world—not that they haven't already, but more on that some other time.
Men certainly had plenty to say on this matter after Redditor lawyeratyourservice asked the online community:
"Your penis can now be used for a third purpose, of your choice. What is your newly discovered penis power?"
"That's right..."
"Master key to unlock any lock. That's right, for just $9.95 you can turn any key into a gloryhole."
BreezeAG
This has so many possibilities if you want to be a porn actor.
"It sends out..."
"it sends out an internet connection to my laptop and phone."
fuyungah
Never pay for internet again?
Save money?
This sounds like a win to me.
"Imagine..."
"Periscope. Imagine being able to whip your unit around a corner to check for enemy insurgents."
MrBrisket
There has to be a wonderful, heartwarming buddy comedy about this.
Something about a spy and his penis, perhaps?
"I'd never..."
"Piss gasoline. I’d never have to pay for a tank again."
weinerofyahweh
Okay, this sounds like a great way to piss off–get it?–OPEC and get yourself assassinated.
Well done.
"Family gatherings..."
"Turning mashed potatoes into gold. Family gatherings were never this awkward… or lucrative!"
shiroboi
Thanksgiving will never be the same again, that's for sure.
"I can forcefully..."
"Detachable baton, so I can forcefully dong insolent people about the face and head with it."
PavoRetare
Something about this image is hilarious to me.
But detaching it sounds like the easy part.
What about re-attaching it?
"Taking..."
"Taking the steering wheel while I eat a sandwich."
housemuncher
Ah, a simple man with simple priorities.
Never tear a man away from his sandwich.
"Well..."
"Well, another limb, like an elephant trunk. Can be used to grasp things, turn pages of a book..."
AmuseMe2
This sounds like it would be very useful and fun... until you get a papercut on your penis, that is.
"It can play..."
"It can play music. Probably drums."
ClassofClowns
I think you've just described the musical act of the century.
"As a climber..."
"Penis hooks. As a climber I use heel hooks and toe hooks to keep me on the wall. I want the ultimate no hands no feet rest position on the wall."
Ozo_Zozo
You'd probably get so fit, too.
Just be sure that all those muscles don't go solely to your penis.
Now... it's only fair, gentlemen.
We should probably ask women what they would do if they could give their vaginas a superpower.
It'd be interesting to see how these complement each other, wouldn't you agree?
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Turns Out Hermit Crabs Are Extraordinarily Well-Endowed—Here's Why
You know what they say about crabs with big shells.
Big shells, big...scientific discoveries!
One such discovery: why exactly hermit crabs have such large penises.
Evolution is a powerful force of nature, and, in the case of the hermit crab, it was used to give the tiny crustaceans proportionally gigantic male organs.
Why?
According to scientists, because hermit crabs hate leaving home.
“It is a relatively novel way of thinking about the evolution of penis size.” https://t.co/XUpzAxzrod— The Scientist (@The Scientist) 1547805600.0
Hermit crabs are incredibly fond of their shells, which offer them protection and become an integral part of their lives. To have sex, a male and female crab push their openings together and the male ejaculates into the female's shell.
However, to make his...erm...."parts" reach, the male must step at least part way out of his shell.
Loosening the hold on his shell can have potentially fatal consequences for the male crab (just as things were going better than ever)! During the male crabs most vulnerable moment, other hermit crabs have been known to rudely run up and steal his shell.
@newscientist My new favorite headline— NDredhead (@NDredhead) 1547682110.0
In a new paper, however, published in Royal Society Open Science, Mark Laidre of Dartmouth College believes he's discovered one way crabs have evolved to prevent this theft.
Put simply, Laidre believes hermit crabs have developed enormous penises so they can have sex without leaving their shell.
"In theory. Longer penises could enable individuals to reach out to sexual partners while simultaneously maintaining a safe grip on their property with the rest of their body, thus safeguarding property against thieves while having sex."
@newscientist Same— Austin Anderson (@Austin Anderson) 1547680436.0
Laidre decided to test his theory by applying a bit of logic. If crabs have been evolving big penises because they don't want to lose their houses, then it stands to reason that the more valuable a species's shell, the bigger the penis of that species?
Of course!
@newscientist Far to much time on someone’s hands 😀— dhailstones🇨🇭 (@dhailstones🇨🇭) 1547683168.0
The results spoke for themselves.
"Species carrying more valuable, more easily stolen property had significantly larger penis size than species carrying less valuable, less easily stolen property, which, in turn, had larger penis size than species carrying no property at all."
Twitter couldn't help but crack a few jokes.
@newscientist So size does matter.. 🤔— Vivian 🐠 (@Vivian 🐠) 1547752713.0
@newscientist I’d be broke if I were a hermit crab:(— va-genie press (@va-genie press) 1547700126.0
@newscientist I mean, that's why I want a dude with a long penis. Lower mid-sex robbery rates.— Lil Real (@Lil Real) 1547681165.0
@newscientist Waiting for the first comment to say "same" or "just like me"— David Maloney (@David Maloney) 1547680661.0
@newscientist So..what, they use it like a sword?— Hakim Nuraldin (@Hakim Nuraldin) 1547775890.0
Laidre believes other species may be employing the same method to hang onto their possessions.
If you notice any animals with larger-than-average genitals, remember...they might be protecting something valuable!
Students Share The Most Hilarious Incorrect Answer They've Heard In Class
Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, teachers and students alike. The classroom is one of the most interesting places. Not everything the teacher says is Gospel and more often than not what stumbles out of the mouth of a student will sound more like a punchline than knowledge. But there is always knowledge in the answers, right or wrong. And often a response can be shocking and hilarious.
Redditor u/6456290 wanted to hear what the kids today are hearing in class.... What is the most hilariously incorrect thing a teacher told your class?