The Tell-Tale Signs Someone Should Not Become A Parent
Reddit user SafetySnorkel asked: 'What are some signs you should NOT become a parent?'
Some people are not cut out to be parents. Some are adamant about not having kids.
But when life circumstances change and a baby is all of a sudden presented in front of a skeptic, there could be the possibility of a 180. Did anyone watch Waitress?
Miraculous change of heart aside, there are plenty of people who are just not at all the parenting type and are not cut out to look after the life of an infant to see it through to becoming an adult.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor SafetySnorkel asked:
"What are some signs you should NOT become a parent?"
These are the wrong reasons for people to decided to have kids.
Feeling The Pressure
"If you're doing it just because everyone else is."
– EllsyP0
"On top of that, if your religion really pushes for it, it's okay to say no thanks. Yes, children will bring great joy and blessings into your life, but uh, I like having free time. And if I think I'll be a bad parent, then why chance it?"
– stealth57
The Wrong Backup Plan
"if you do it in the hopes of 'saving' or 'advancing' your relationship, or if you wish to 'compensate' for perceived lack of personal achievements."
– Comprehensive_Day511
It's Teamwork
"Want to exacerbate the bad things in your relationship? Put a baby in the middle of it. If you weren't getting along before, you sure as sh*t aren't going to get a long better on half as much sleep and quadruple the stress."
– SeeYouOn16
Mental and emotional well-being were mentioned as a prerequisite to parenting.
First Things First
"If you can't look after yourself first."
– whetstonereek
"This is the most important one. You will have a hard time caring for someone else if you are struggeling with life yourself."
– MyNameIsMikeAswell
No Regrets
"In my 50s and life has been a roller-coaster. One thing which can cheer me up a bit when I’m at the lows is remembering: At leadt I don’t have any kids. They would be messed up and angry and it’s likely I’d be facing charges for neglect."
– LanceFree
If your fit the following descriptions, you're definitely not a parent-person.
The Wrong Approach To Raising Kids
"You view your child as a mould in which you can shape, alter, and control, pinning all of your failed aspirations and ambitions on them and forcing them to be something they are not."
"Rather than acknowledging your role as a guide, motivator, and a pillar of support to help them discover and forge their own identity and loving them even more because of it."
– SublimeVibe
Mind Is Made Up
"Not wanting kids."
– W-S_Wannabe
"I’ll take it further:"
"If you aren’t 100% sure that you want kids, and aren’t willing to sacrifice most of your life to do so, even if they end up being special needs or difficult, then you shouldn’t have them."
– justwalkingalonghere
Thinking About A Kid's Perspective
"I tell people this all the time. You need to really want to have kids. It’s hard to be a good parent even if you want them, if you don’t want them it’s impossible. It’s not fair to the children to bring them into this world without parents that are motivated to parent them."
– Salt_peanuts
This can breed resentment once a child becomes an adult.
A Caution
"If you’re thinking of having kids so they can be your retirement plan then please. Don’t."
– Pizzawithchickensoup
"Dealing with this right now with my in-laws. Damn glad husband has a spine though, but it's sad to hear the repeating arguments over and over again."
– kindadeadly
Discussing The Future
"Point blank told my dad to pick out his own nursing home and caregiving services when he retired so we would have a plan when he starts eventually declining. 'We are your daughters, not your caretakers.'"
– acc6494
The best barometer I've had indicating that I'm not capable of being a good parent is my gut reaction to kid tantrums in public.
I often see parents being paralyzed when a child is screaming at the top of their tiny lungs and are too afraid to deescalate the distressing situation for fear of being judged by others.
If you spank them, that's abuse. If you yell at them, you're an unfit parent. If you ignore the circumstances hoping the child would calm down on its own, you don't have a backbone and are regarded as a coward.
I've heard all three judgments mumbled by others who are watching. And I would definitely commit one of my reactions to a wailing kid in a grocery store with all eyes on me.
The fact that I'm too concerned about my disciplinary response, or lack thereof, and what people will think of me instead is a good indication that I still make it all about me.
Yeah, I'm not parenting material, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
There's no official manual on how to raise kids since every household has different protocols that have been passed down between generations.
And while general rules like "no running around the house" or "finish your plate or you get no dessert" may sound familiar, there are those that are so specific, they almost make no sense.
Curious to hear from strangers who had to abide by the weirdest orders at home, Redditor AMGBOI69420 asked:
"What are the strangest 'house rules' you had growing up?"
Careful the things you say.
IYKYK
"You weren't allowed to say 'I know.' Because 'f you knew you, you'd be doing it.' Normally said while I was doing that thing."
– theDeuce
Prohibited Non-Expletives
"Shut up, fart and hate were bad words."
– Tuesdayallweek
Preferred Semantics
"Saying 'shut up' was taboo in our home. My parents called farting 'tooting' which I suppose was one of my mom's gentlewoman idioms. She also called pooping a 'B.M.' for bowel movement -- and don't think I didn't get bullied for saying that in front of my classmates!"
"I think we could use the word hate (like 'I hate that color') but we could never say 'I hate you' to anyone."
– monkeyhind
Rules are rules and there was no room for negotiating.
Why I Hate Trays
"No food could be eaten on just a plate. The plate had to be on a tray (cause what if crumbs fall). Which seems so weird in a house that is way dirtier than mine is now."
"Needless to say, i hate trays, don't own any, and never will. My stupid rule will be 'no trays allowed'. It is what it is."
– clem_11
Respect For The Pet
"I wasn’t allowed to watch mice centric movies (The Rescuers, American Tail) because my mom said 'our cat finds them offensive.'”
– OrangeTree81
Preserve The Padding
"We had to flip up the chair cushions at the dining room table unless company was over. Gotta save that padding for a more valuable butt's occasion."
– hbkzd987
Hands Off
"No touching the walls, boy did we get a butt wooping just for touching the damn walls."
– Bubz-411
No Teen Drama
"I wasn’t allowed to watch Beverly Hills 90210 or Party of Five. Also was not allowed to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast (only dessert), but for some reason Reese’s Puffs were ok?"
– FineStein
These are head-scratchers.
Questionable Incentive
"Winner cleans up."
"Everyone always looks at me sideways when I say it after a game but that's the way we did it."
– aug2295
Ice Anxiety
"My dad was super weird about ice cubes. If you took one out of the tray instead of the big bin, he'd be mad about the missing cube. You had to empty the tray into the bin and then refill it. When I moved away for college, first day home I decided to see if he still checked and I took a cube out of the top tray waaaay in the back. He asked me about it less than an hour later!"
"They have a countertop ice machine now, so no more ice anxiety for my dad."
– Novah11
Snack Guardian
"My dad would count the snacks and sodas etc. If it was a juice container, it got marked with marker to show the level. We couldn't open the door, even if I could clearly see my friends on the other side through the peephole. One time I got permission to go play outside, but when I opened the door it was a neighbor walking up our front step. I said, 'Dad, Mr. X is here.' And he then grounded me for opening the door without his permission. Our neighbor tried to explain I didn't open the door for him and my dad just didn't care. Neighbor never came over after that."
– evanjw90
This wasn't necessarily a disciplinary "house rule," but we always had to remove our shoes when entering the home.
It's a common custom in most East Asian cultures.
Because I was so accustomed to respecting the home by avoiding tracking in dirt from outside, I always left my shoes near the entrance of any home I entered.
So when an elementary school friend told me I could keep my shoes on when I visited his house for the first time, you can imagine this seven-year-old standing there with a blank expression on his face because it was such a jarring concept to undo.
When we witness bad behavior from a person regardless of their age, some of us tend to blame it on poor parenting.
Whether it's a spoiled child causing a scene in public in response to not getting what they want or a grown adult acting out in a way that is cringeworthy, the indication of them lacking any sort of discipline in their lives can be obvious.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor sovereinete asked:
"What’s a sign that somebody wasn’t raised right?"
Not everyone can interact with others like mature adults.
Shifting Blame
"lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault."
– DFloydd
Learned Behavior
"Yes totally. And it’s often because immature parents don’t realize they should model this behavior by apologizing to their children when they (parent) do something wrong. When you don’t respect your kids they can become disrespectful d*cks."
– anon
With Intent
"Someone that does things to intentionally hurt another persons feelings after they’ve expressed that, that certain thing hurts their feelings."
– JadeM05
Perceiving Employees
"Disrespecting people for doing their job."
– indinicove
Some people are g.r.o.s.s.
The Thanks They Get
"You give them a lift and they leave rubbish in your car."
– kitjen
Chewed Gum Belongs Elsewhere
"Who are the guys who spit out their chewing gum into urinals? I see this all the time at work and I work in a high end corporate place. Do they think it disolves and goes down the pipe? The janitor has to pick that out."
– NealR2000
ExcreMental
"I had a guy sh*t on the floor in the bathroom at my work then apologize because I was working the shift not my coworker he hated. People are f'king weird dude."
It's The Right Thing To Do
"The concept of not flushing in a public place is crazy to me. Like... what happened in that person's life for them to feel that's appropriate?!"
– TheRealRoguePotato
Art Of Discipline
"How they act as a boss when their employee messes up."
"Yelling and belittling shouldn’t be your first option."
– EpicBlinkstrike187
Semantics
"This is how you be a leader, not a boss. A leader lends a helping hand and treats you like an equal, a boss treats you like a replaceable piece of meat."
– VividOperation48
A Good Example
"This was what made me respect the absolute hell out of my manager. I made a mistake on a job a while back, like a big f'kup that cost us a large sum of money. I was fully expecting to get chewed out and a 'You f'k up again, you're out the door,' because that's how previous managers had treated us (it's no wonder we had a horrific management and employee turnover rate for years)."
"But no, he came over to the car I was working on, looked at what happened, figured out how the mistake was made, and we talked about it for a couple minutes. I was pretty upset about it because I'm usually not the type of tech who is negligent and makes mistakes, so when I do, it profoundly bothers me. He saw that. He listened to what I said, and he went through the process of getting replacement parts ordered for what I messed up."
"The next morning he came to me again and said 'You know, I was thinking about you last night after I got home and thinking of what you could do to prevent this mistake from happening again in the future,' gave me a few suggestions for the future, and closed the conversation with a pat on the shoulder and a 'we won't need to have this conversation again, brother. I trust you.'"
"It was the most meaningful conversation I have ever had with a manager. I got the sense that he really wants to see his employees succeed and grow. It gave me confidence in a moment in which I had none left."
– AidynValo
Can we blame parents entirely for their children's disrespectful behavior?
I know of some exceptional parents who do the best they could without coddling or becoming too controlling, and yet, their kids remain out of control.
It's a delicate balance, disciplining a child without it being perceived publicly as abuse and consequently getting child protective services involved.
I've gotten the belt, slapped, and grounded frequently for being rotten. Those forms of punishment, I feel, might not fly as well today than they did back then.
I'd like to think I turned out all right, but it's difficult to say if it was because of such strict parenting.
But it can't be denied that, in spite of it all, there's only so much parents can do when they're raising an inherently bad seed.
You know they exist.
Right, Damien?
In an ideal world, all parents are their children's best and biggest cheerleaders. Children deserve to grow up feeling loved and supported.
Unfortunately, that's not always the case, and even the most well-intentioned parents falter from time to time and can harm their kids in irreparable ways.
This leaves kids with a choice when they grow up.
Do they continue the cycle? Or do they decide to change their behavior and not repeat it with their own children?
People told us about all the ways they've decided not to treat their kids after Redditor wetbreadstick asked the online community,
"What is something that your parents did that you swore never to repeat to your own kids?"
"It's why I don't like..."
"Making fun of their interests and hobbies. It's why I don't like showing anyone my artwork. But I will do anything to support my kids and encourage them."
lil_adk_bird
Getting your genuine interests mocked and belittled is the worst. Especially when they compare it to things they’d rather you do with your time.
"If they tell me something in confidence, I'm not using that as a topic of conversation with others. Tell my parents anything and everyone knows. My mom just couldn't understand why I was getting mad when she was telling any yahoo at Walmart the whole story of events leading up to my divorce."
lil_adk_bird
This is huge. Your business is your business! Why is this so hard for some parents to understand?
"I thought I'd grow up..."
"I was spanked. I thought I’d grow up and spank too because I ended up okay and thought that’s how you correct kids. But then as I got older I thought back to how I’d deal with other kids who made me mad or wouldn’t listen to me. I hit them. It clicked this wasn’t what I needed to do."
rnr357
Learning how to use your anger in a constructive manner is a valuable life lesson.
"Try to be controlling..."
"Try to be controlling over my kids life and blame all their problems on the other parent."
Itsonlymedisguise
Not good. Children learn not to trust either parent in this scenario.
"My mom could go on..."
"Lecture."
"My mom could go on for hours for even small misbehaviors. Somehow, it usually looped around to how I didn't keep my room clean, even though the rest of the house was just as much of a mess or worse."
HawaiianShirtsOR
No one wants to be lectured, especially if they're only going to hear the same things over and over again.
"Refuse to admit..."
"Refuse to admit I was wrong."
[deleted]
Parents aren’t infallible, insisting you are is asinine. Parents can provide teaching moments by admitting, explaining, and apologizing for their mistakes.
"Come talk to me..."
"Be unapproachable. Come talk to me any time about anything. Everything can be fixed."
dflear
When children learn to hide things from their parents (and parents are shocked), something went wrong long ago.
"Use them as leverage..."
"Use them as leverage against the other parent. Abuse them, allow them to be abused by a significant other, abandon them then return years later once they've grown and try to cause them as much pain as possible for who knows why."
Droidecon
Did your parents battle over who would get to claim you as dependents on their taxes too? How horrible.
"Growing up in a family of drunks..."
"Get loaded in front of them. Growing up in a family of drunks has soured me for the most part to drinking even socially."
jtown82
You are very strong for setting such an important boundary for yourself!
"I want my kids to know..."
"Judgemental behavior. I want my kids to know that I truly love them because of who they are and not feel like they have to hide certain parts of who they are because they are afraid I won't care about them anymore."
Imloudcauseimdeaf
Many people decide to hide things from their families precisely because of that.
There is always an opportunity to break the cycle. But it starts with taking that first little step. Parents who aim to do better by their children are to be commended.
Have thoughts of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below.
The Most Illogical Breakdowns Toddlers Ever Had According To Their Parents
Raising a child is hard and can take a toll on even the best parents. Children can bring a lot of joy but they can also be very frustrating, and it's okay to give parents room to vent. Sometimes, try as they might, nothing they do can calm a child down.
And that seems to hit the hardest during the toddler stage, when children really, really don't know how to handle their own emotions. They'll yell and kick and scream, sometimes for no reason at all.
What's up with that, right?
Parents shared their stories with us after Redditor mirarom asked the online community:
"Redditors with toddlers, what’s the most recent illogical breakdown they’ve had?"
"My son was basically upset..."
"My son was basically upset I missed the tantrum he had started to throw for grandpa... He was doing his face in the carpet, kicking feet, over the top fake crying when I guess he realized he was missing something."
"So he came upstairs, grabbed my hand, huffed and puffed angrily while walking me directly next to Grandpa, totally positioned me for the show, and got right back into meltdown mode. Looking up every so often to make sure we were still watching it."
"I asked my dad what initially set him off though. He said he shut off his own show and didn’t know what else to do."
Danilixsaaur
Awww, he sounds like he was confused.
Or maybe a drama queen.
But why not both?
"Because the imaginary door..."
"Because the imaginary door on his imaginary fire truck wouldn't open, so he was stuck inside."
napana
Aww, but it was absolutely real to him! It's cute... but also annoying. Sorry, kid. Get a real one.
"My youngest was mad..."
The enraged, sobbing wail from the back seat of my car: 'He's looking out my window.' "My youngest was mad because his brother was looking out of 'his' window instead of the other one."
RavnNite
Tell them that you're driving and that it's your car and that they're actually your windows!
"My girlfriend-at-the-time texted me when she was looking after her 3 year old brother. "Josh is crying because he doesn't want an ice cream. He already finished eating it. This was 15 minutes ago.""
KingGumboot
Wow, this kid doesn't realize how ridiculous he's being, does he?
Well, bless his heart.
"He wants..."
"He wants to put a box on my head but it's broken and keeps falling off. So apparently it's ruining his playtime."
Ccaster0620
He sounds very particular!
"Took the car down..."
"Took the car down to the body shop to get the side panel that he crunched buffed out. The car won't be ready until Wednesday but he wanted to go back downtown to party with his roommates tonight. He's 22."
optiongeek
Okay, this one is an exception to all the toddler stories... or maybe not. It sounds like he never grew out of the toddler stage.
"8 year old sister was looking at her. It was just a glance, but my 3 year old went into a f**king rage."
everybodyknowsdikbut
This reminds me of that incredible scene from The Favourite.
"Did you just look at me? LOOK AT ME! How DARE you, close your eyes!"
"My little kraken just slept... after a raging tantrum because i did not let him chew on the connected cables. I'm just trying to keep you alive buddy, I swear."
O_oHaniG
He doesn't believe you!
"First..."
""First: his dad left for work. Second: he dumped out the box of goldfish crackers. Third: I picked up the goldfish crackers. Fourth: it wasn’t the right episode of Paw Patrol. Fifth: I won’t let him eat shoes."
Autumn_Tea95
You're just restricting him from living his life, man.
"They wanted..."
"They wanted another chicken nugget, so I gave them another chicken nugget. Breakdown."
gloomyquelledbasket
Children are so odd. Sorry!
These stories might make you think twice about being a parent. But if you can get through the toddler stage—particularly the "terrible twos"—you'll probably be fine.
Have some stories of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!