Redditor asexyjohn18 wanted to hear about all the things that get people in the mood, so they asked:
"What is a non sexual trait that turns you on?"
I love a walk. A little strut. Nothing like getting the heart racing.
Tingles
hair GIF by SB NationGiphy"Getting my head scratched or having someone run their fingers through my hair."
SensitiveDolphin55
"Same. It’s so pleasant when the tingles run down your spine... ;-) "
PumpkinSpiceMaster
LOLOL
"When a girl genuinely laughs at jokes I make."
Realistic_Practice16
"I remember being on a first date with a beautiful woman and I made a bit of corny joke/comment and she laughed at it. I remember thinking, damn, wait till I get to my good stuff. I did get to my good material apparently as we were married. She gives me as many laughs as I give her."
CarlJustCarl
Do Right
"Kindness. When I see someone going out of their way to help others for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do… that is some truly attractive vibes."
Electrical-Bid-9577
"Apparently it's vanishing from this world really fast. People who show kindness often end up in losses (of course not everytime but most of the time yes). It really breaks my heart."
Walker1798
"Probably the sexiest thing out there. Someone can be smoking hot, funny, talented, etc. But if they're not kind, they're unattractive."
sravll
Oh Yes...
"Smiling right at me, and men stretching. LAWD HAVE MERCY!!"
Skwiddling
"I have trouble smiling at women. Is this a turnoff for them? And ones I like are really hard to smile at. Because I know it's always going to be some really weird big smile if I am crushing which makes me feel like a super duper creep."
Maximum_Knee_4622
Simplicity
Happy I Love You GIF by Warner Bros. DeutschlandGiphy"Sorry if this is too kinky but i like it when they care about me."
SirReal10000
"Too far man. You need to rethink your choices."
Funkeysismychildhood
Sometimes it's all about the heart.
Eye 2 Eye
i see you GIF by VH1Giphy"When a guy explains something to you in a calm and understanding voice. Bonus points for gentle eye contact."
Belphiespillow666
GENIUS!!
"Being crazily intelligent. Screw dirty talk, I want you to explain some unexplainable s**t in my ear."
-F**KINGUSERNAME
"Heck yes. My best connections have been with a philosophy/history professor turned chancellor, an environmental engineer, and a neurosurgeon, all 3 Summa cum laude grads and conference speakers in their fields. The downside to genius though is complete absorption in their fields leaving little time for in person connection."
__trezora__
Yummies
"Everyone should know how to cook. Hunger knows no gender. I like to eat good food so I learned how to cook. I asked my mom one day and she reacted surprised. She was more than grateful to have an opportunity to teach me the ‘finer’ aspects of cooking, as she called it. Lol. I love food."
"My girlfriend, now wife, likes to jokingly say I got her into bed with a well seasoned steak and homemade fries. I mean we did sleep together almost immediately after we finished dinner so maybe she’s right. That old saying comes to mind. 'The quickest way to the heart is though the stomach.'"
SaiyanGodKing
Getting Green
"When I ask my husband for help when I repot my plants and he delicately cleans and moves the leaves. He is a mechanical engineer and he works with huge pieces of industrial equipment, seeing him so tenderly caring for my plants just makes me melt."
BoysenberryNo3877
Limbs A Lot
Excited Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"Men doing intricate work with their hands."
GooglePixel69
"I second this, also someone who can play guitar/bass real real well... just watching their hands, whoa mama."
squeaky-mcgee
Well, it seems that just about anything can get someone in the mood, especially if you're kind, courteous, and especially a good cook.
Anything to add? Let us know in the comments below!
My Mixtape
Driving Off Episode 11 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyHaving someone sincerely listen to the playlist you put on.
My grandpa's here!
Arriving early to pick up my grandkid (F7) who I (M61) had not seen in months, she spotted me in the hall outside her 2nd grade classroom, With a squeal of glee, she blurted out, "My grandpa's here! My grandpa's here!" Her joy was very evident. Yeah, that stayed with me.
Auditory Feelings
Water coming out of your ear after it's been stuck there for a bit.
My ears don't always clean right and once a year I need to get my ear cleaned out at a doctors office. It hurts during but feels so good after.
They take a spray bottle and shoot up your ear with water and month old ear wax comes flowing out. It's like an enema for my ear, feels so good.
Counting threads...
Happy In Bed GIF by MypenleaksGiphyFresh bedsheets.
When I was a kid, I would play at the beach for hours. I'd run back to the house, rinse myself off and dive under the blankets. Most cozy comfortable feeling ever. Instantly out cold.
New Schedule
Working from home (before Covid once per week, since Covid 100% of time), I low-key already do this. Work more Mon-Thurs if needed, do meetings Friday early morning and then mostly chill. Same amount of work gets done per week regardless. This is in two different companies btw, and haven't had a single complaint so far.
the little things
Doing multiple in case someone already said one:
- When your scissors glide along the wrapping paper
- When you're using a nonstick pan and all of the sauce/ grease just sliiiiiideeeessss right out
- When there's a pause in the music and you hit the next note at JUST the right time
- Finding money in your wallet when you thought you had none
- When you're nice to a restaurant employee and they give you free food in return 💕 this one is fun for everyone involved so it's extra good 🥰. Edog6968
Chug...
Waking up at 3 am with massive thirst and then you take that nice, cold and godly sip of water!
I appreciate this so much more since in college there was a chance that water bottle had vodka. Starting to chug what you think is water and turn out to be vodka is the absolute worst throw up feeling I've had.
That Extra Day
waking up GIFGiphyHaving a 3 day weekend and waking up on that Saturday realizing you still have two more days off.
Adding to this, thinking it's Sunday, and that tomorrow you have to get up early to go to work, and suddenly realize it's still Saturday.
The Givers
Seeing someone happy with the gift you gave them.
You know what I like to do? I like to put a lot of effort into the wrapping paper. I even learnt a way to do it without any sellotape and my good friends were so wowed and impressed with what I had created.
I love the whole process of preparing and giving a gift. I love it 100x more than receiving any gift. One of the very few things that brings me true joy.
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Reddit user tb1649 asked:
What is the most intimate, non-sex thing you do with your partner?
People's responses were honestly fascinating, sweet, and sometimes a little heartbreaking. "Intimate" clearly means very different things to different people.
Peach Time
He likes to call me different nicknames, one of them being "peach." So, whenever he wants to cuddle, he says "peach time?" and we cuddle and just lay there together. It's honestly one of my favorite things in the world.
He Doesn't Do Verbal Affection
GiphyHe plays love songs on the piano while I stand behind him kissing the back of his head. I almost cry sometimes.
He's autistic and doesn't do verbal affection, but he finds ways to show me that he loves me.
Scratch
I scratch his back and head. He was telling me how his mom would scratch his back and it is a very intimate thing for him. His grandma would scratch his head until he fell asleep.
Ever since he told me that, I've been trying my best to stay awake long enough that he falls asleep from head scratches too, as he has trouble falling asleep. Last night I finally held out long enough. I could hear his breathing change and his body relax and felt him fall asleep under my hand and I don't know why, but I was the happiest in the world because I could do something for him like that - someone I really care about. He told me I was amazing and I just melted. I hope to do it more often.
- phenli
Caregiver
I dunno if this counts but I got my husband through his fight with Hodgkin's Lyphoma and his relapse a year later. It was just him and me, we have a small support system and none of them live locally.
The relapse meant a bone marrow transplant. It. Is. No. Joke. Literally brings you to the brink of death and back.
My husband is a 6 foot strong Scottish man and when we were in the thick of it I had to push him in a wheelchair at the hospital cause getting from the car to the door was all he could do. He looked nothing like himself either, hairless, pale. I was bathing, dressing, feeding him, managing his many medications (and the side effects -violent vomiting) and getting him to and from the hospital on a daily basis.
I have a very clear memory of helping him get into new pj's one morning and thinking "I knew I might have to care for him like this....but I also thought it would be in my 70's, not at the ripe old age of 34...."
Being a caregiver for your loved one in and of itself is a crazy intimate experience, you see someone at their absolute worst/weakest and somehow you find new strength in yourself at the same time.
That ordeal changed us, obviously. We definitely have had a new level of intimacy since. It's bonded us in a way that I can't put into words.
Maximum Security
When he wraps himself around me tightly while cuddling/spooning, and calls it "maximum security"
If I'm feeling sad, he'll tease me and be like "Aw does someone need maximum security?" It's very sweet.
Quietly Concentrate
My boyfriend draws and sometimes he draws me naked. Granted, it's a prelude to sex some times but not all the time. It's super intimate, watching him quietly concentrate and do his work while sort of examining parts of me.
I used to be super self conscious, so just laying there and being out in the open is sort of freeing. Just feels close.
My Last Moments
I think the most intimate thing happened during my second son's birth a few months ago. I had given birth quickly and easily, but then began hemorrhaging. They stood me up to go to the bathroom and blood began pooling down my legs and feet. Immediately back in bed, giving me shots and meds to try to stop it but it wouldn't. The nurses were scared and a team ran in.
My husband laid the baby down and held my hand- I was terrified I was dying and leaving them. I just kept looking into his eyes and telling him I was so scared, and he stayed calm and smiled and reassured me.
I'm so lucky- they found a piece of retained placenta and were able to give me a second epidural and manually remove it. But I ended up losing almost 800 ml of blood. I really thought those could be my last moments, and I just locked eyes with him, trying to communicate everything I needed him to know about our family and my sons- but too scared to say any of it out loud.
It was the most intimate moment of my life.
A Stomach Bug
Taking care of me when I was sick. We've been together for about a year and don't live together. I had to cancel plans because I had the stomach bug (diarrhea and throwing up) and he came over and took care of me. Any man that can witness his girl sitting on the toilet and head in a trash can and still want to cuddle you and love on you is a keeper.
Eye Contact
There's always a few moments before we fall asleep where we'll just lay together, making eye contact. That may sound strange but it always feels super intimate and in a way that nothing needs to be said out loud. You're just sharing this moment and know that there's nowhere else you'd rather be.
Star Wars
Although I'm good at sleeping long nights I have trouble actually falling asleep. We'll cuddle and with his big voice he'll invent a story so that I can doze off to his soft bass-like golden sound.
Once, he summarized Star Wars episodes 1 to 3 since I hadn't seen them and expressed how much they sucked compared to the rest. It was amazing.
Any Knot He Wants
We wrestle and play fight...I know it's weird but it's so fun. Plus he was an NCAA wrestler and has his purple belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so he can twist me in any knot he wants and it's oddly satisfying to be under his complete control - but it's actually not sexual.
Haircare
I recently started helping my partner trim his beard. It felt really intimate.
I'm African, he's Middle Eastern. It took me a while but I eventually let him help with taking out my cornrows when I change hairstyles, and helping me wash/condition my hair. That's pretty intimate to me.
Cooties
GiphyWhen we're in bed together, she sometimes steals a kiss on my cheek and I go : "Ewww cooties!" I wait a few seconds and whisper: "psst... Pretty girl? I like you"
She giggles and says : "I like you too"
"You wanna go steady?"
"Yeh"
Then we hold hands till we fall asleep.
I'm 40M she's 38F, we have 2 kids.
So Fragile
Before I had back surgery a few years ago, the pain was intense I couldn't get out of bed. My husband had to carry me to the bathtub and wash me and my hair.
I felt so fragile. That was probably the most intimate non-sexual thing I've experienced.
The Big Red Couch
I can tell you what it used to be, before our divorce.
Whatever we did that day, be it adventuring or swimming or just hanging out, our evenings always ended on our big red couch. I would be on the far right side, against the arm, because I liked getting into the corner. She liked having room to stretch out, so she got the middle and left side. I'd throw our old fleece over the both of us and put something on the TV.
Sometimes we'd watch, sometimes we would chat and sorta-watch, but it always ended with her breathing slowing down, while falling asleep, with her head on my left shoulder. It was a comforting thing for her, in terms of physical position and closeness, feeling safe. It was a comforting thing for me, to know I had someone who wanted to be close to me, and was still comfortable.
The first time I sat down on that red couch after she moved out, in my usual spot, was out of reflex. A handful of seconds went by—I realized I could never sit there again and feel good about myself, or my life. The coldness of the leather, the emptiness of the space, was too much. I got up and rearranged the furniture on the spot, once I stopped sobbing like an infant.
Not sure if y'all can tell, but I miss her.
Anyway, that's what it was.
Full Body Bear Hug
My dad is super jacked and I used to run at him full speed and jump in a full-body bear hug, and my dad would catch me.
Now with my husband, I'll catch his attention and give him the look and he'll squat and prepare, and then I run at him and jump and give him the big full-body bear hug. Complete with my face buried in his neck, kissing away.
Sappy - Not Sorry
We just had a newborn six weeks ago and aren't ready to have sex yet. Every night before I got to bed after the baby is first asleep I lay with my head on his lap and we watch Bob Ross because it calms me down. When I start to fall asleep I go to bed and he stays up to wait for the baby to stir so he can change her and bring her to me for a midnight feeding.
In the morning I am up before him and clean the dishes (he usually does all of the cooking and I'm too tired to clean at night) and read for an hour before the baby gets up. After I change and feed her I bring her to him for morning snuggles and tummy time.
I love this little routine and it keeps us feeling close and reminds me that sex and making love are very different things. You can make love without ever even taking your clothes off. Sappy. Sorry not sorry.
I Now Need Help
I had a stroke in March and have lost the majority of use of my left side. It's mostly just there for symmetry these days. I also have Fibromyalgia which is pretty debilitating. I now need help bathing and he bathes me. I've always been very independent and admitting I need that help was hard. The first time he bathed me, he was so gentle, thoughtful, and loving that it was so beautiful I cried. My husband is just amazing.
Team Building
I know it sounds stupid but we bathe our dog together... like we take him to this self serve dog wash and he's big and hates bathes so one of us wrestles him and the other bathes, and it's actually an amazing team building activity.
Being Held Tenderly
GiphyShe holds me when I cry.
I grew up in an abusive and negligent family. Naturally I suffer crippling depression and anxiety. Currently going to therapy and sometimes we dig deep into the trauma. It feels like I'm being torn from the inside. There's nothing to do but feel the grief, let it pass through me. Never have I been more raw and vulnerable than in those moments.
Being held tenderly while I'm ugly crying, sobbing, even wailing is love at its best.