"ME"
I was named after my grandfather, word for word. Nice man, but dull name. At least I've always thought so. I waited until I was eighteen and the day I could do it, I changed it. Well, some of it. My mother wasn't furious, but oh well. I'm the one who had to live with it. A name is for LIFE, you would think more thought would go into more of them.
What's in a name? Let's find out...
Scrub
crossfire hurricane vintage GIFGiphyMy coworker named her baby "Strawberry Rain", which would be a great name if she had given birth to a bottle of shampoo.
Brewing Weather...
There was a girl in high school with the last name Storms. She got knocked up at 14. She named the kid Sylva Winta. I always thought was really terrible.
Knew a girl named Summer Storm who had a sister named Winter.
Winter and their mom were strippers.
Oh Richie...
I actually went to school with a guy named Richard Rash. To make it worse his mother was a teacher there. Poor Dick couldn't catch a break.
There was a name game in the 1800s where you'd shorten a name, and then rhyme it. Like William to Will to Bill, or Richard to Rick to Dick.
That's why you never hear a Billiam or Dichard; the rhyming was part of the nicknaming.
I still don't understand how people whose native tongue is English can turn Richard into Dick. That makes no freaking sense. Why not Rick?
The Spare
Awkward John Krasinski GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyI went to school with a younger-brother named Justin Case.
Sorry man.
No Name
How about not giving your child a name? There was a kid I went to high school with whose legal first name was "Unnamed Baby Boy." I don't know the story behind that though.
That's awful.
Popular
In Norway, if you don't send in the papers to name your baby within 6 months (iirc) they automatically get the most popular name for their assigned gender in their region. So for instance in 2020 the top names (country-wide, not region though, so there's local variations) were Jakob or Nora.
"Seriously?"
Now you can't tell me some of those people were indulging in some mind altering stimulants when they chose these life labels. Whether you're a parent or renaming yourself, how could one possibly think these were sufficient options? Let's continue...
Size Matters
I have a friend named Johnson. That's no big deal, but his last name is Smalls.
Serve it Hot
There's a British chef, jamie oliver, who named his children the following:
- poppy honey rosie
- petal blossom rainbow
- buddy bear maurice
- daisy boo pamela
- river rocket blue dallas someone call childline. peachxstile
Go with a Veg
fruit GIF by Dead Set on LifeGiphyI have heard of many bad names, but Sex Fruit is probably the worst I have seen.
And people get mad when you call their children "crotch fruit", here they are doing it to their kids themselves!
Parents are Crazy
I was a high s hill teacher for many many years and have seen some real crazy names throughout the past 4 decades including each decades " trend". The worst name ever? Still can't believe it and this was about 8-9 years ago - I had a girl with the first name Swastika. Fortunately she went by the nickname Tika but who does that to a child?
Hey Girl
Netflix Sam Dean GIF by DaybreakGiphyPrincess. A girl in my high school was legally named princess but she went by her middle name. There was also a girl who's name was Sunny Day and she was the emo kid.
Quiet Riot
I've seen a few little boys named Riot. That name seems pretty bad to me.
Sounds like you're setting yourself up for a child with behavioural issues.
Someone I know has a kid named Rhyett. Pronounced riot. Poor kid has a mix of crazy name and crazy spelling.
GoT Issues
I know someone who named their kid Khaleesi, yikes.
I have two friends who got married and had a GoT style wedding. It was actually super dope.
Then they changed their last names to WyntersEnd and I...just...can't...
kanye west no GIFGrow Up
I knew a guy in college who named his first child Sephiroth, and he would get really angry when anyone would shorten it. He named his daughter Aerith as well, and at least that is kind of pretty and unique sounding, but Sephiroth....
Does that guy know that Sephiroth and Aerith... don't really get along too well?
So Shy
When i worked at Chick-fil-a way back in the day, I was taking this girl's order and it time time to ask for her name, she was being very hesitant. So I was just waiting for a reply until her mom says "Sorry she's shy!!" looks me in the eyes with a smile and tells me "Her name is Thankful!" ...poor child.
bad bros
brothers chuckle GIFGiphyI met a furniture salesman that was named Cain with a brother named Abel when we bought our couch. He just smiled and shrugged when my Dad asked why.
I'm a Cosmo
Tequila. Sibling was Margarita.
Margarita is fine. It's a common form of Margaret. I actually really like it. But tequila? What were they THINKING! Poor kid is definitely changing their name as soon as they turn 18.
A Folly
aaron paul what GIF by Breaking BadGiphyA friend of a friend was named 'Forsheeza Jolly Goodfellow' before she had it changed. Can't even imagine having to deal with that at school.
A Well Done Name
I was watching the game show Scrabble, hosted by Chuck Woolery. They were having kid week.
There was this one boy, about 10 or so, and his name was Chucksteak. Just like that. All one word.
When I saw it, my first thought was "Your parents hated you when you were born."
Not Unique
Dog Ok GIF by joeyahlbumGiphyany fandom related names...
any celebrity quirky names...
any name with messed up spellings to make it "unique"...
just name your bland old kid Riley and move on, instead of RyeLeighUh.
Oh dear. We really are lost as a society. What happened to good ole Marys and Deans? Remember when the most off the wall names were fruits or colors? I swear now we're just making stuff up for shock value. Remember a name is for LIFE. Oh wait, it's not anymore. Change away.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Wolfie...
s8 wolfgang GIF by netflixlatGiphyUsed to work with a guy named Wolfgang Hellfire.
ETA: He was exactly as cool as he sounds.
Killer
I worked with a guy who had a surname Killsenemy.
Pretty straight forward not to f**k with that family. Haha.
I worked with a guy with the surname Mankiller. Might be scarier because your guy kills his enemies, this guy just kills.
Rager....
Used to work in a flower shop. Had someone order online for a large vase to be delivered in one of the richer neighborhoods. The name?
Susan Deathrage.
When I informed my mother, who works at the local bank, about this she delightfully informed me that she often helps the matriarch of the family, a very sweet little old lady named Mrs Deathrage.
JUMP
van halen 80s GIFGiphyI once met a guy who told me his name was Van Halen. I called bull crap, but then he showed me his driver's license.
The Inferno Guy....
Lt. Les McBurney, was a Firefighter giving an interview in front of a house fire.
Edit: adding article https://www.channel3000.com/overnight-house-fire-forces-family-from-sun-prairie-home/
This is called an aptonym. My favorite example: a medical examiner who performs autopsies named Dr. Posthumus.
Illuminated...
I kid you not, my kid has a boy in her class called Atlas Power.
EDIT - just asked her about him and this was her reply.
"He's so weird. Always going on about the Illuminati"
Atlas is 11yrs old.
Doubles...
The actor Patrick Kilpatrick.
If Patrick Kilpatrick kills himself and or another Patrick I am calling Time-travel on his parents.
I went to school with a guy with the same name (not the actor). Last name with 2 L's (Killpatrick) always thought it was a cool name.
wolf dancing GIFDoctor is Out....
I used to have a friend who's dad was a doctor. His name was, and I kid you not- Doctor Payne.
There's a doctor's surgery I used to go to that had the names of all doctors on the door - their full, non-diminutive names.
Dr Elizabeth Johnson. Not Liz Johnson.
Dr Michael Ramsay. Not Mike Ramsay.
Dr Jessica Xiao. Not Jess Xiao.
Well, almost all of them had their full first names.
Except one:
Dr Ron McDonald.
Saucy Reading
Big Brother Garth GIF by Big Brother AustraliaGiphyThe names of the authors of this paper combined, are the bomb. Sounds like they accidentally used their porn names for this publication.
Lovegrove, W. J., Bowling, A., Badcock, D., & Blackwood, M. (1980). Specific reading disability: differences in contrast sensitivity as a function of spatial frequency. Science, 210(4468), 439-440.
Platywussy