Curious to hear experiences from strangers online, Redditor WallStreetDoesntBet asked:
"People who moved out of the parent’s house before 30, how?"
Most people can't afford to live on their own.
Roommate Is Key
"yeah this exactly. I've never lived by myself, was roommates until I got a serious girlfriend and now fiance. There's exactly 0% chance of me being in the same position I'm in financially if I had been paying full rent all those years."
– lick_me_where_I_fart
Not A Care In The World
"I was 17, we had 4 of us in a ghetto 2bd apt (bunkbeds) we had a beer bong on a lanyard screwed to the ceiling. We'd have keggers, party's every weekend and always had randoms crashing on the floor. Could barely afford to feed myself and pay bills but still not a worry in the world and it was the best time of my life."
– ApprehensiveAd6006
Oh, Josh
"I had 5 in my first place. 4 of us shared rooms. Despite the random brawls over Josh never doing the dishes, it was actually awesome."
– duracellchipmunk
Too Close For Comfort
"6 of us in a punk house the moment I turned 18. I had the walk-in closet as my room and I paid $100 for it. It was absolutely disgusting but I remember it so fondly."
– Theatre_throw
One inconvenience shared by many was the sacrifice of a good, home-cooked meal.
Change Of Scenery
"Just needed a little R&R."
"Roommates and Ramen."
– SudoPuff
The "Wild" Years
"This, lol. I was kicked out at 16 and after couch-surfing for a few months I moved into a studio apartment with 4 other people."
"When I say we were poor, I mean poor - most of us didn’t have jobs. I lived off the worst of the worst food. Knockoff ramen. Dollar store canned veg. Rice and terrible year old pasta."
"It was a wild few years."
– Vetiversailles
Rice For Life
"Or rice. I lived off rice for a full year. Fancied it up by adding some salsa, and then extra fancy by also adding ranch dressing."
"Those were hard times."
– Ok_Opinion_
Having work definitely makes things easier.
Saving Up To Leave
"Started working while I was in school. Got out as soon as I could."
– ReallyIdleBones
Not Much Fanfare
"Yep, moved out for college in 2006. Came back for the summer in 2007, but thereafter I got an internship so I just stayed in the city. Got a job at the same place after I graduated."
"It was never some big moment for me (my parents are fine, just annoying), just a natural progression for me."
– Zerole00
Building A Life
"At 18. Worked in construction. Lived on a couch with 6 buddies in one house paying for college. Bought cheap land during the recession. Then built my own house."
– ReubenZWeiner
Not moving out by choice seemed to be a common shared experience.
High Turnover Rate
"Got kicked out at 14. Finished high school sleeping on friends couches while serving tables. Had a ton of roommates for the next 10 years. At any given time I was living with like 3 or 4 people, it was never boring haha"
– herriotact
Different Parenting
"I am hearing that so many people are actually kicked out in the really young age is well."
"But i am not getting that why parents are so tough because in my country they try to keep them under their wings."
– wowoao
Tough Love
"My friends parents were going to kick him out immediately after he graduated high school simply because 'That's what their parents did when they were his age.' His Dad fully expected him to go out at 18 and buy a house because 'he was able to.'"
"Then his Dad got pissed when my friend did not buy a house and went to live with his uncle instead. Even after his uncle broke down the whole 'Your mortgage is $2200/month with taxes and you expect your son, who works part time at $7.25 an hour to afford a mortgage? With no credit history?'"
"Some parents do it out of tough love. Some parents do it because they shouldn't have had children. Some parents still think the world is the same as it was in the 70s-80s and think minimum wage part time employees can thrive."
– bangersnmash13
Placed Expectations
"My parents didn't kick me out, but there was definitely an expectation for me to be moved out and financially independent at 18. My mother walked into a job as a radio DJ at the age of 18 and then became a journalist with only a high school education a few years later (early 1970s), so she had this expectation that I could do the same. The thought of me being able to do anything like that in the 2000s was laughable."
– pie12345678
Lucky Break
"I walked into a journalism career with only a high school diploma in the late 1990s, but I was well aware of my unicorn status and would never have expected my kids to have the same kind of luck I did."
"That being said, of my kids who are now adults, only one of the three has had to move back home after leaving. The other two have managed to make it work with roommates and busting their ass, just like I did after I got my lucky break."
– ExtantAuctioneer
I moved out of my parents' house because I booked my first professional gig on a cruise ship.
It couldn't have worked out better. I was paid to perform on board in the shows while my rent was already taken care of since I lived and worked on the ship.
I packed one suitcase and traveled the world doing what I loved for about two years. It was the best way to transition into an exciting new chapter in my adolescent life.
What's your moving out story?
However, there are countries that look down upon women wearing suggestive clothing that aren't viewed as provocative in America. And when these women somehow find themselves here, it's fair to say it's quite the culture shock.
These are their stories.
"Women who migrated from a socially conservative country to a progressive country how significantly has your life changed?"
Having access to certain garments became life-changing moments for these Redditors.
White Socks
"I come from a very conservative Mennonite (basically Amish) family. Luckily for me, my parents left the faith when I was born. My mother tells stories of being jealous of the girls at school who could have white socks because her family was extra conservative so she could only wear black. Imagine being excited about white socks!"
Feeling The Air
"For the first time I wore something above my knees and felt the air! I know it sounds silly but that to me tasted like liberalization.Other than that I feel safe and can hope to make a better future for myself. My rights are protected and I have discovered my voice."
Happy For Sparkle Sneaks
"I had a friend who was so excited to see sparkle sneakers. She wanted them sooo bad but she could never buy them since 'back home' where she had to return after college they would get her in big trouble."
"She looked at them like they were a puppy but wouldn't even try them on."
Freedom of fashion was not an option for these women at one time.
Clothing And Mixed Messages
"My wife didn't leave Turkey until she was 18. She grew up having it hammered into her that anything that attracted attention was a sexual signal and that she was to blame for anything that happened as a result. She was 12 years old worrying about sending messages to grown-a** men with her clothing choices."
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Having The Choice To Wear Anything
"I moved from PH to Singapore. Now I can wear anything I want in the streets."
"Filipino here. There are wealthy areas in Metro Manila where you can wear whatever and be fine. Like crop tops or sports bras when jogging. Not so much in less developed areas."
"It's not illegal or anything, but people will stare and some will catcall or grope. If you complain, people will say that you're inviting that behavior by wearing revealing clothes."
– jonskn0w
Praise Be
"My sister's mother-in-law is Persian. She says watching the Handmaid's Tale reminds her of how things were before she left Iran. It was very westernized while she was growing up but then things changed..."
Life Change At 17
"Moved to the US when I was 17, now 23. I was free to wear miniskirts, drink in public, and hang out with male friends without having my moral character trashed."
"There's an undercurrent of rape hysteria that's very real but seldom explicitly talked about. My dad would freak out if I spent any time in my male cousin's room, despite the fact that we grew up in the same house and were around the same age. Your movements are stifled because every man who's not your dad or brother is treated like a potential danger to your chastity."
Strengthening The Marriage
"According to my mum, it's the little things. After a couple of years in Canada, my mum started wearing skirts. Nothing too revealing, maybe knee-length or lower, and she loved it. She had her first sip of alcohol when she was 31, LOVED the feeling of being « tipsy » after 1 beer. On the more serious side, she got to fully express herself to my dad (after 20 years of marriage). Her Canadian girlfriends told her about couples counselling, the love languages, etc. And she communicated to my dad the things she wanted to change. I don't know the details, but they seem much happier now than they were when I was a teenager."
"Treated As An Equal"
"Being able to wear what I want without having to be scared for my security while in public. And being treated as an equal. Edit: Oh, and the word freedom has gained so much more in importance since I had lived in some of those countries where it doesn't exist in some aspects. I think many people, not only women, don't realize how lucky they are to be able to live the way they wish and say what they want without punishment from some authority. I really cherish my life as a woman in a truly free country."
These women were subjected to constantly worrying about perceptions.
Weight Off The Shoulders
"It's everything. I can finally go for a walk without the fear of strange men following me and passing lewd comments. I can finally do the things I like (eating meat, having a drink of alcohol) without the implications of 'what will the society say.' We have a saying in my country, 'A woman's body carries the pride of the family'- what an awful weight to carry for any young woman. I can finally just exist and breathe."
Everything's Wonderful In New Zealand
"I experienced most of that my whole life in Peru, i was so pissed that I couldn't wear dresses or shorts in summer because people judges you for your looks or catcall you ugh I have anxiety because of the harassment but finally i can enjoy my life and feel awesome 😎 because I moved to New Zealand, best decision ever."
Marrying Young
"My mom is German, but her parents went to live in Bolivia in the late 50s/ start of 1960s. She wasn't married at 15, like most of her friends were and the whole town was putting pressure on her parents. Father's were literally trying to buy my mother's hand in marriage for their sons, so at 17 she had to run away and married her first husband out of despair."
"That guy tried to kill her because she wanted to leave him a few years later. In the 80s, she had to flee the country since her 2nd husband wanted to force an abortion on her and he could've easily done that."
"She always told me to not get married at such a young age and to never lose your independence to a man. I guess her life changed in so many ways, I can't write it all down."
Expressing Affection
"PDA between couples, holding hands, kissing. Seeing gay couples holding hands. Just made me feel happy to see people getting to be open and in love."
– kanubat
Wonders For Mental Health
"I grew up in a conservative family in South Asia and now live alone in Australia. The most significant way my life has changed is my sense of safety, both at home and in public places. At home, I live alone and being away from my conservative family has done wonders for my mental health. I don't have to face constant criticism for my choices. In public places, I still get sacred at night, but that has more to do with my triggers. I have the confidence to walk alone without anybody questioning/harrassing me. That's not to say it hasn't happened, but the frequency is much less. I have less fear and feel safe for the first time in my 22 years."
"I also wear clothes that I ordinarily never would in my home country. My clothes are still quite conservative (sleeves, no skirts etc), but I feel better knowing that I chose what I wore and nobody controlled this choice."
It's The Little Things
"I moved from India to Canada in 2017 at 17 years old. Freedom felt freaking amazing! I could stay out after 7 pm. I could call anyone I like. When I was in India i was only "allowed" to have calls from family. My parents would get mad if anyone else called me. I never had sleepover, I had my first sleepover here."
"It's the little things. Being independent and following your dreams is the best feeling in the world."
Cohabitation Issues
"Philippines: There seem to be plenty of things that people are only against because of societal pressures, not because they actually believe in the moral/ethical arguments against it. Clothing, gender roles, etc. Cohabitation before marriage was a big one for me - it's still often viewed as a scandal except among elites who can do whatever tf they want. My mom was among those fully against it and we had a few heated arguments, but several years after I left, I eventually moved in with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, she didn't even flinch - she was actually happy about the financial advantages even (she hadn't met him yet). I wondered if it was just because she didn't want to push me away, but 7 years later it's never come up as something that's bothered her. I guess she never really cared about it as much as she led me to believe."
Unless you come from the conservative countries mentioned above, it's hard to imagine life any other way than what you're used to.
Just imagine the reverse situation, where you find yourself suddenly losing clothing options and conforming to new customs in a country with uncompromising rules.
So don't knock sparkle sneakers. Because to some people, they represent a utopian society.
When I first moved to New York by way of LA, I was terrified. I've never been to the Big Apple, ever. I also didn't know a soul who lived there.
Relying on the internet for navigation and Googling was still a concept in its infancy. I somehow managed to survive only because I threw myself fully into the situation to get acquainted with my surroundings.
One thing I learned is that fear is paralyzing and I adapted quickly because I chose to thrive in the face of anxiety.
Curious to hear opinions from strangers on the internet, Redditor cheaganvegan asked:
"People that have restarted in a new city, what are your tips?"
Tips Upon Arrival
First things first, get your bearings by becoming familiar with the new area. You can Google about the city until the cow's come home but it won't compare to physically throwing yourself into the experience of assimilation.
Surroundings
"I started over in a new city in 2019."
"If possible, visit the city first. I saved myself a lot of grief by visiting first and knowing the general area. If you can't visit, check out google maps."
"Find a job before you move if possible. I found a job with a chain that had a location in the new city. I didn't need to be retrained, so that was one less thing to stress about. The job was the same. I set it up so I had two weeks before I had to start so I could unpack and get settled."
"When you pack, get rid of a bunch of stuff. Have the essentials, like a change of clothes, toiletries, small appliances, and food ready to unpack the first day you arrive. You will be so tired and not want to dig for stuff. Bring a small pack of toilet paper and hand soap for the new place. Try to have at least a pot and a pan, some rubber scrapers, and plates if you can. I'd also pack blankets someplace easy to get out so you can just curl up and sleep if you need. Moving is STRESSFUL, so you want all the stuff you need easy to get to before you unpack entirely."
"LOCATE THE GROCERY STORE. Also find some local restaurants for those first few days."
"Don't forget to set up your utilities the first day. That's a must."
"Find a club if you didn't move with a buddy. Get out your first weekend and go see the sights. Get used to your new environment. The first few weeks just kinda suck, so try to get some good stuff in there. If you can, try to find a club or two or activities/hobbies before you move. Something to look forward to and one less thing to stress about."
"When you first get there, pick a landmark that's visible from most of the city or your neighborhood. A building, monument, etc. When you're learning to navigate that first month or two, that will help you. Make sure you can get home from and get to the landmark. That way, if you ever get lost, just head toward it and then you can get home. Eliminates some panic and stress. This was one of the most helpful things I did when I moved."
"EDIT: Awards, thank you! I'm glad my advice is helpful to people. Moving, even to someplace you really want to go, is stressful. Anything to make it better is great in my book!"
Getting Acquainted
"Get to know your immediate neighborhood. My family and I moved last year from the US south to the PNW. I went through a period of feeling very homesick and disconnected to my surroundings. I changed my mood by really making my neighborhood my own."
"I started talking and becoming friendly with the people nearby that I come into contact with on a regular basis like my pharmacist, barista, crossing guard, etc. I get out everyday and go run in my local park and it helps me to feel connected to where I'm at. I try to look around and remind myself that this is my home. I think this all sounds goofy but it helped a lot."
Start Detaching
"Don't get attached to the physical address of the place you call home. Get attached to smaller things inside your home - like a pillow that's has travelled around with you, or a coffee cup that you painted."
"Over the years, a reverse trend will happen which IMO is more meaningful. You will remember where you painted the cup and where you bought the pillow. So in a way you remember all the good stuff - both the address and associated events."
There's More To Explore
"I moved from one part of my city to another, about 20 miles away. Same freeways. Same major streets. But every day for the first month I took a different way to/from home. And I took note of the things I saw: places to shop, eat, drink, the nearest auto parts and tire shops, roads that seemed cyclist friendly, paths that would be nice to walk/run/hike, etc. explore!"
"I’m still discovering new things: five years later."
Psychological Tips
Changing locations is also a reflection of your metamorphosis. Finding a new you and evolving as a resident of a new city can be helpful overcoming culture shock.
Embrace The New City
"Don't try to change the city you now live in into the city you just left."
Change Habits
"Nobody knows you, so you can try to change some habits. I was too shy to talk to people and usually just waited for them to approach me, but when I moved I started talking to people first, it was hard but I'm glad I tried. Changed my eating habits too. Think what kind of a person you wanna be and just try it, see how close you can get."
Comfortable With Me
"The one thing that really surprised me was the fact that I didn't love the new city immediately. It was bigger than I was used to, more expensive, and the job had such higher expectations than my last, same exact job."
"It all took some getting used to, and that took longer than I thought it would. But I loved exploring little hills and out of the way parks, and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so in love with this new place; I couldn't imagine ever living anywhere else."
"Well, of course, now I do, but my love affair lasted a long time. But I think it's a place for younger people, a place to explore and find your way around the city and find yourself."
"Others have made some really good suggestions, but I think I had to be more comfortable with me before I could be comfortable in a new place."
Embrace Opportunity
"Try to be a yes person for the first 6-8 weeks. Any time someone asks you do do something or go somewhere (within safety and financial reason) say yes. Even if you don't really care for that activity or type of food or whatever, say yes and go. It will help you meet people outside of your immediate circle, and once you have seen people socially a couple of times, you can figure out who you are interested in spending more time with and asking them to hang out is less awkward. Just remember, every event isn't going to be the most fun you ever had. It's okay to have just a nice time, because that's laying the ground work for those really fun nights ."
Have An Open Mind
"Saying yes to things, and especially new things, is a good life philosophy in general. If you go and end up hating it, well at least you tried it and you'll know for next time. If you go and end up loving it, awesome! You found a new thing you like."
"For me, I had been having feelings of exclusion from my social group, but I realized I was kind of excluding myself by not being present or actively engaging with people. All types of relationships take work and one of the best ways to make and keep strong relationships with people is by saying yes when they invite you to do things. When you say yes to things, you're giving yourself opportunities to make memories, get cool experiences, and bond with people."
– zzaannsebar
New City Culture
"Don't try to find what you had at home. Don't do what I did going from San Antonio to Seattle. In SA I was an avid Spurs fan (still am.), but nobody wanted to bond about basketball because they are still salty about the former Seattle SuperSonics turned OKC Thunder. Open yourself up to the new culture, I opened myself up to the love of Football- wasn't a Hawks fan but adored their fandom. Learned to love soccer, which wasn't a thing in San Antonio, and became a Sounders fan. Sports aside, don't try to find what you had at home. Open yourself up to the culture that your new city will bring to you."
"Another example: in Texas we thrived on being outdoors. Seattle thrived on that only 3 months of the year. The other months? I learned to love comedy clubs, theater, casinos, and more."
Tips On Relationships With New Locals
Sometimes, making friends can help make you feel less like a stranger. Just hold off on immediately dating.
Dating
"Do not start a relationship with someone who you met on tinder because you didn't want to be alone in a new city and then let the relationship spin out of control and turn out that she's kinda insane and very manipulative and then your first 9 months in London are sh*t and now a whole borough of London is ruined for you by memories of an abusive ex."
"Also, find a coffee shop you like that opens late. Nothing like getting some work done while drinking coffee on a rainy night."
Find Your Community
"try to find some kind of social group that pertains to your interests. it's easier in college, that's what i did and there were plenty to chose from. but there are often plenty of groups for non students if you look around on social media for advertising and stuff. things like volunteer work or local activist type groups can be easier options to look for."
"that's how i started making friends."
– ceb5585
Choosing Groups
"I'm in my forth country in 13ish years. The younger you are the easier it is, especially if you can find a community. I also don't have kids so that's a huge blocker / introducer if you do."
"But basically, as above, find a group. Note almost all organised groups have more drama than you'd have thought possible, so choose wisely."
Longterm Perspective
"You don't even have to stick with the organized groups long term, just harvest them for friends."
"I started with a couple board games groups when I moved to Seattle. I don't even really like board games that much, but I get along with people who do, so I stuck with the groups until I had a solid group of friends then dipped."
Go Where Everybody Will Know Your Name
"Trivia bars. Or activity night style bars. As much as you might hate it, some of them will be like 'Hey, we need a team over here. Any individuals?' and help you guys join almost like a project in school."
"Keep coming back to the bars and you'll either make friends with the team trivia members, or the people who host it/bartenders."
"Find places you like and return to it and eventually you'll meet regulars there who will recognize you."
"It's gonna take a bit of time."
A common tip from Redditors was to find your community. A sense of loneliness can be unbearable.
I moved to New York on December 23 and I stayed in a tiny studio in Midtown from a friend who happened to be visiting LA at the same time.
So, the only person I knew in the city wasn't even there to help me get my bearings. It snowed the next day on Christmas Eve. I never felt more vulnerable and alone.
But I took the opportunity to avoid succumbing to despair. I walked out in the snow and went to a coffee shop, struck up a conversation with the waitress, and established a connection with the locals.
In that moment I knew that if I can make it there – getting over my social anxieties inside a dingy old school coffee shop – I can make it anywhere.
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Perfection.
GiphyLuxembourg, because everybody else in this thread is saying New Zealand and god damn it it's going to be crowded down there before too long.
New Zealand. Good weather, nice people and cool scenery.
To Justin....
Canada, but I'm in Florida and it's kinda not America.
You can drive to Canada you don't even need a ticket.
Being Norwegian.
Norway. Live up in isolation away from the cities. If not that I'd pick Germany. I have an easier time speaking and learning German than Norwegian.
Norwegian is tricky, and duolingo does a bad job teaching Norwegian as it is such a small language with many words for one single thing. German is forced to be taught in schools here, so most of us speak two to three languages.
To the Beach.
GiphyBasically any tropical island.
It has always been my dream to live on my own island even if it's less than 1/2 an acre. (Completely off the grid)
Netherlands would be my choice for a developed country. That place is absolutely gorgeous. (Among many other great features).
A Sensible Place.
Finland.
I am from the US and have been living in Finland for the last two years. I can confirm that its a very nice place to be. They have a sensible government, great education, wonderful work/life balance, nice mild weather in the south, and strangers don't try to talk to me.😌
Oh Danny Boy.
Ireland because I already moved here and if I could get citizenship here it would be great (visas are a pain in the butt). I'm from Florida and people think I'm nuts for living in Dublin but I think each year I just block out how miserable winter can be.
being "better"
Amazing how this whole thread is someone saying a place they would love to move to followed by a dozen comments about how that's a horrible idea.
We get it, your country isn't perfect either. Nowhere is. It might not even be "better" than America, however you want to define that. Sometimes it's just nice to imagine living somewhere else when your current life sucks. There's no harm in imagining a better situation for yourself, so let people indulge without all the negativity.
Iced.
GiphyI'd move to Iceland in a heartbeat if citizenship were on the table. It's a beautiful country with a well-run government that actually seems to care whether its citizens thrive. I enjoy the weather, the vibe, and the culture.
So many taxes....
Norway. I hate doing my taxes that much, and they prefill your tax form there. Also I don't hate the US. If you want more money, come to the US. I really don't give a crap about money TBH. Free time is way more important. I'll take a drop in hours and a drop in pay (in the case of being a programmer).
Anywhere....
GiphyI've thought new Zealand, it's nice and sunny, seems laid back. Canada seems awesome. England Australia. Switzerland. There are so many wonderful choices. I've actually been thinking about this a lot. I think it boils down to anywhere with universal healthcare with a majority of nice people.
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