Curious to hear about the experiences of strangers on the internet, Redditor RealityWanderer asked:
"Mother-In-Laws of Reddit, in the interest of fairness, what are your crazy daughter-in-law stories?"
Different Circumstances
Circumstances can be a factor distancing mothers from their DILs. These mothers had to contend with daughters-in-law who were drug addicts.
One DIL found another hobby, while another DIL committed an unimaginable crime.
Meth Addict
"When I first met her, she was a tweaker, she knew I knew and she hated me. Now she stays home and knits and crafts and I have not seen my grandson in 3 years. She still hates me."
A Tragic End
"We lived on the other side of the country from them so we didn't have many visits -- one or two a year. When we visited, all was well -- the house was clean, the kids were cared for, etc. She was fun to be around."
"However, once we left, life went back to 'normal' for my son and grandkids. She would say she was going to the store and would not come home for 2 to 4 days. She did drugs. She did not clean -- anything. My son traveled for business and when he was gone she had many different men in the house. He would come home to a trashed house, trashed car, trashed everything. She would put the kids to bed, then leave to party. She kept the two oldest kids home from school when he traveled -- she was too busy sleeping from partying all night to take them to school. As he was making plans to leave her and take the kids, she killed the youngest child and is now in jail awaiting trial. all of this came out after she died. I wish they had never met."
An Evil Twist
"My dil decided , after years of manipulating my son , to walk out on him and their two kids. A few hours later she changes her mind and bombards him with all kinds of crap for a week. And then she gains access to the house when he’s out and changes the locks causing him and their two young kids to be homeless. She sucks!"
– mysonisatwat
Personality Clashes
Although the Original Poster (OP) specifically asked for mothers to share stories concerning their daughters-in-law, other family perspectives were shared.
While some in-laws were willing to find common ground to improve strained relationships, these Redditors experienced situations where their in-laws could not be bothered..
Control Freak
"My sister experienced it when she lived with my SIL and brother."
"SIL had a very particular way of doing things. So she told my sister to not do anything because SIL had an order. Dishes? Nope, leave it in the sink. Cleaning? Nope, you're not doing it my way. So as my SIL said, my sister didnt touch any cleaning. Then SIL got upset my sister didnt clean. Made a power point presentation on everything my sister did wrong. These presentations would last a minimum of 20 minutes and up to an hour or so. My sister was confused because when she did help, she was told she was doing it wrong and SIL told her to stop. Now that she stopped, SIL is mad my sister isnt helping."
"My sister isnt dirty by any means, she knows how to clean up. It just wasnt being done the way SIL wanted it to be done. My sister had to sit through multiple presentations when she lived with them."
Like Oil And Water
"My MIL has a very rocky relationship with one of her Daughters in law. There are a few of us. This one time this particular DIL (with a rocky relationship) had started 'being nice' to our MIL by going to lunch with her and giving her advice on how to change annoying aspects of her personality. This lasted for a couple of months."
"Finally the DIL had an absolute rage session and started screaming at the MIL saying how she could no longer be part of this ruse and that all her attempts at being friendly and trying to changing the MIL's personality was pointless because the MIL was too stupid. To this day they don't get along and family gatherings are always super uncomfortable. This of course is from my POV so I can't say for certain what was actually going on in either of their heads, but there you have it."
– SiXleft7
"She Sucks"
"My dil decided , after years of manipulating my son , to walk out on him and their two kids. A few hours later she changes her mind and bombards him with all kinds of crap for a week. And then she gains access to the house when he's out and changes the locks causing him and their two young kids to be homeless. She sucks!"
The Last Straw
"My mother always tried with my ex SIL but she was a nutcase. XSIL and my brother were separated after she abandoned their son at the daycare center to run away and start a new life; my brother ended up with full custody of my nephew."
"The straw that broke the camel's back for my mom was when XSIL tried to kidnap my nephew and steal my brother's car during a visitation period (my mom was there to witness the whole thing) she didn't secure my nephew (2yo) into his seat and she crashed into a light pole in her haste - luckily nobody was hurt. My mother never forgave her for that and had to step in for my brother a few times during law proceedings to make sure that XSIL never got more than visitation rights. XSIL currently has every other weekend visitation and hasn't seen him in 5years but has 4 other children by all different fathers - trying to tie one down."
– skydivingfoxes2
A Different Perspective
After comments reflecting the point of view from mothers, daughter-in-laws weighed in with their experiences.
Unexpected Response
"DIL here. My husband and his mom have had a strained relationship due to politics the last few years, but a little over a year ago I got a DUI. It was a supreme f'k up on my part, and I take full responsibility. I made stupid choices. Hence the throwaway."
"Anyway, my husband gets the call that I'm getting arrested, and he chose in the moment to call his mom to help, versus my mom. My mom is super chill and a good woman in a crisis and was arguably the more pragmatic choice, but I think he just needed his mom, understandably."
"So he calls his mom to come watch our kid while he figures out bail and picking me up and all that. I'll never forget coming home at like 4 am feeling so embarrassed and overwhelmed and she was there, arms wide open to accept and comfort me. This diminutive church going Southern mama grabbed me and held my atheist, f'k up a** for what seemed like an eternity, but in a good way. Like all her natural mom energy was passing through me."
"We may not agree on most things, but I'll never forget how loved she made me feel at my lowest, without judgment or pretense. I hear horror stories about in-laws and I think how lucky I am."
"Edit: thanks everyone for the kind comments and awards! Please please please call an Uber or cab or friend before drinking and driving, even if you think you're ok. Make a plan before you go out. Believe me, you don't want to go through this."
"Surprisingly Supportive"
"My MIL surprised me in a similar way. She's a hardcore Fox News-watching conservative."
"My sister-in-law is married to a trans man, though he hadn't transitioned when they met or started their relationship. They never really officially started dating - just kind of went from friends to more than friends - and my SIL hadn't come out, so there were some vaguely homophobic comments/jokes from both MIL and FIL about their relationship at first, but they died down."
"I was really worried when we found out about brother-in-law's transition because I didn't know how MIL would react, but she was surprisingly supportive. She made an effort to use the right pronouns and name, and while it was a bit shaky at first (I was the only one able to consistently remember correct pronouns and name the first couple times we all got together), it's gone much better than I'd feared."
"Hard Taking Sides"
"For me, a MIL it's kind of a reverse heartbreak because I loved my DIL and we got on very well. She's from a semi-abusive background and at first had issues with drugs but dealt with that and became an excellent mother."
"Now they are separated, at her instigation, Son is devastated, and although I don't believe in taking sides it's hard to go past her decision to break up the family because that she has to 'find herself'. I'm just not coping as we had been a very close extended family."
"Not a matter of abuse, addiction, cheating, or even close."
Feeling "Suffocated"
"I was the sh**ty DIL, we married young and she would try to help a little too much. I would feel suffocated with her and felt like she was judging everything I did. 4-5 years later I realized she was just trying what she thought was best for us and we now have the best relationship."
Not all DIL stories are appalling.
Mischievous MIL
"Have to admit, I have the sweetest DIL. When they bought their new house, it has 5 bedrooms (for 2 people). I said good, now you have a room just for me to visit for an extended time. She was happy and asked when I thought I would get there? My son had to explain to her that I was kidding and would not be making an extended visit to their house."
– traveltoo7
Sweet Relationship
"I’d be the same way, I love my mother in law! She’s really sweet and funny. It makes me happy to see other in law stories like this."
– sinverguenza
Heartwarming Gesture
"My wife is the daughter my mom never had, and at our 3-year wedding anniversary, my mom gave her a trove of jade and gold jewelry that had been passed down from mother to daughter in my mother’s family since well before they left China to come to the West. It was all my wife and I could do to hold it together and not start bawling."
– WaluigiIsTheRealHero
Emotional Recollection
"This is so beautiful to hear. I've always thought I was 'weird' because my MIL got along so well she called me the daughter she never had."
"I LOVED my mil. God rest her soul."
"We only lost her a few months ago to motor neuron disease :( I'd give anything to have her back."
"Now I'm crying ;'("
– Banditkoala_2point0
Final Thought
It was found that mothers-in-law seemed to view the daughter-in-law more positively than vice versa.
Geoffrey Greif – a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and co-author of In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons – told Today the mothers perspecitve was based on wishful thinking.
"You go into this relationship assuming the best and not assuming the worst — that's a form of wishful thinking," he said.
"I think that's a really good and positive thing. Mothers-in-law really want to make this work."
However, tensions arise when mothers interfere with parenting, as more than half of daughters-in-law did not share the same parental philosphies with their mothers-in-law.
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