Florists Describe The Strangest Thing They've Ever Had To Write On A Card For A Customer
I had the pleasure of meeting a florist who told me all about his job.
He worked in this quaint little flower shop in the middle of the Hudson Valley. I went there. It was lovely, soothing. It seemed like a relaxing place to work. It was.
It was funny, too. He told me all about the ridiculous cards he had to write for people who placed orders.
I'm pretty sure he knows who everyone in town is cheating on their spouses with.
After Redditor urgent-kazoo asked the online community:
"What's the strangest thing you've had to write on a card for a customer?"
"Normally..."
Oddest is how commonly we get asked to "just write something nice." Normally this is from guys sending flowers to their wives, like dude, I don't know her, you really should be better at this than me!
"During college..."
During college, I delivered flowers for a florist and wrote most of the attached cards.
The oddest message I still remember was:
"Hope these delight, I'll see you tonight.
Bottoms UP, Buttercup!"
"I had a customer..."
I had a customer come in 30 minutes before we closed and ask me to throw together a beautiful bouquet of roses and sunflowers and lilies and the card said, "Sorry I hit your dog."
"Needless to say..."
I had a customer order flowers to someone congratulating them on their new tumor and wishing them a protracted and painful death. Needless to say, I refused to accept the order and threatened to quit when my boss tried to force the issue. Fortunately, the owner was in the shop, heard the ruckus, and immediately overruled my boss.
"In a very wealthy community..."
I AM a florist, here are some I remember.
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition"
Had a guy buy flowers for his wife AND mistress in one go, wrote the same card for both
In a very wealthy community I worked in there was a swingers party every year called "Band Camp." These people would send $150 arrangements to each other with these weird messages like "Cant wait for you to show me your flute skills at Band Camp" or "Thanks for coming over with Frank to 'tune up' my piano for Band Camp." We could not figure out what was going on!
I eventually met a dog walker in that town who had been invited to Band Camp, and the richies gather up all the attractive landscapers, dog walkers, housekeepers, etc and invite them to Band Camp (one of the estates throws a big party with bands) and everyone tries to f*** the help. I was slightly offended I never got invited.
A lot of sappy sweet s***. We do read them and discuss any unusual ones amongst ourselves. What I don't think a lot of people realize is that we get allllll the dirt on people. We are there for births, weddings, graduations, deaths.
"I also used to have old men come in..."
I worked at a florist for a year or so as a teenager. Some funeral arrangements had REALLY weird notes attached. I remember one that just said "Sorry mom died. I won't be at the funeral so these flowers represent me. Tell Dad." It was obviously a kid (adult child I'm assuming) who wasn't too crazy about their mother.
There was one, "Happy birthday, and never call me again." Sending flowers definitely screams "never call me again," amirite?
I also used to have old men come in and buy bouquets for their dead wives graves, and old women, too. That was just so sad. I always took time to talk to them.
"Three things stand out..."
I worked at a flower shop that occasionally did gift baskets. Three things stand out.
One, someone ordered a basket of dead flowers sent to someone. I'm not sure why.
Two, someone sent somebody else a junk food basket. We did gourmet food, Christmas food, candy type gift baskets. They wanted a junk food basket and paid for it.
Number three doesn't really fit into the thread, but it is a great story that the owner told. Sometime in the 1970s, one of the big mafia bosses in the area was killed. This particular shop did the flowers. The flowers were incredibly extravagant, expensive, and so forth. The 'family' guys came into his office and paid him something like $10,000 in cash for the flowers.
"I have a florist friend..."
I have a florist friend who once had to write the words... "Flowers so your baby will be a girl." On a card for a bouquet for a pregnant woman.
"Some cards..."
We do fulfillment for an online flower company where we ship out about 100 orders per day. The message card is automatically printed. Every now and then i'll scan some of the messages and some of them are very interesting.
Some cards get very sexual. Like graphic. About the other night they had. Or what they love about a person's private parts. I guess they figure no one else would be reading these. 99.9% of the time your message would not be read.
Lots of people apologizing. I specifically recall someone apologizing for cheating.
"Nice life"
Not me, but my mum.
She had a lady come in, who picked out some beautiful roses, and she had to write "F*ck you, Tod. Have a nice life with that wh*re."
"Gucci"
I'm not a florist, but as a cake decorator I had a mother come up to us and ask us to write "Catz is Gucci, crotchfruit" on a cake.
It was a basic Valentine's day cake, with the whole cutesy heart theming for the time of the year. The mother said it was for her kids, whom she calls her "crotchfruit" and she didn't seem to understand it was cringey until all the decorators passed it around not wanting to write it.
"Hurts to miss you"
"I wanna write I miss you on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you. Love you" laughed so hard at that one I had to show everyone in the shop.
"Karma"
"Karma is a b!tch. You deserve it." Sent to an ex-boss. Just got a cancer diagnosis. They tried finding out who sent it, but he had so many enemies
"Ex-best friend"
Not a florist but I sent dead flowers to an ex of mine. The note said something along the lines of "you really like to f*ck things that are dead to me, so have fun with these" for context he f*cked my ex-best friend.
Sometimes the sentiment is more eye-catching than the flowers.
After seven weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart, Ariana Grande's "Thank U, Next," a follow-up to her hit album Sweetener, has finally fallen to number two while Halsey's "Without Me" has risen to the #1 spot.
Grande's reaction to Halsey usurping her throne was anything but competitive, however.
Though Halsey had a #1 billboard hit alongside The Chainsmokers for her performance in "Closer," this is the first time she's topped the charts as a solo act.
Halsey posted about the experience on Instagram, saying:
"#1 on billboard. wow. very overwhelmed and confused and so very very very VERY happy. This song came from a very lonely place, and brought me to one of the most loved and supported moments of my lifetime."
Halsey continued:
"This achievement is completely beyond my means of comprehending right now so I'll get back to you guys when I find more eloquent and compelling things to say. Right now my brain is a washing machine of emotion. On a very high cycle. I love you very much."
Instead of throwing shade, Grande took to social media to show her support for Halsey.
On her Instagram, she wrote:
"F*ck it up @iamhalsey. To girls on top all 2019."
Halsey responded to Arianna's message:
"Luv u bb. Dynamic women who are headstrong + compassionate all 2019."
Twitter loved the supportive relationship between the two pop stars!
halsey and ariana’s friendship <3 https://t.co/jMdbmT43kh— chrissy ☾ (@chrissy ☾) 1546891560.0
halsey’s answer to ari’s instagram story 🦋💙 2019 will be their year https://t.co/Ka1rbfH8k8— chrissy ☾ (@chrissy ☾) 1546895726.0
Every time Halsey or Ariana Grande show up in my feed, I instantly get healthy motivation— Sarah Young (@Sarah Young) 1547380802.0
@MTV I’m here for both of them!!!— clt.princee (@clt.princee) 1546963347.0
@PopAlarms @PopFactsNews BOTH ARE QUEENS THEY BOTH DESERVE— grandelicious 想像 (@grandelicious 想像) 1546816132.0
You're not just imagining the girl power dominating the Billboard music charts.
When Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" rose to number three during Christmas (as it does annually), it marked the first time since 2014 that the three most popular songs were performed by female artists.
@PopAlarms females are taking over this chart and i love it 😍— ☾ (@☾) 1546814881.0
@PopAlarms @PopFactsNews It's about time tbh— Nada Yasmine (@Nada Yasmine) 1546814873.0
Both Ariana and Halsey's songs happen to be about famous break-ups as well.
Grande's song, available here, names names as she speaks about how grateful she is for the good men she's dated...
Ariana Grande - thank u, next youtu.be
...but Halsey takes a different tack. "Without Me" is available here.
Halsey - Without Me youtu.be
In October 2018, during an interview with Zach Sang, Halsey spoke of how the song was meant to address her toxic breakup with rapper G-Eazy:
"I'll tell you what. It happened when I looked at my relationships all around me."
"All of them – cause this song is not just about one — and it made me sit down and go 'I feel like I've given so much to relationships with people in my life and I'm getting nothing back'… and so I cut a lot of people out of my life."
"Some temporarily, obviously, because G and I are back together. And some permanently."
Halsey Talks Without Me, Justin Timberlake & G-Eazy youtu.be
Since recording that interview, Halsey and G-Eazy have broken up once again.
Why does Halsey's Without Me make me feel like I broke up with G-Eazy too— China Capala (@China Capala) 1547343728.0
In our modern day and age, Ariana and Halsey know there's no need to be competitive with each other when both ultra-talented women created great songs that the whole world's into.
There's plenty of love to go around!
the fact that Ariana and Halsey both have the first two number one singles of 2019. Women are taking over this year… https://t.co/GpiqSsFwYh— ً (@ً) 1546892251.0
Women empowering women is what we like to see! https://t.co/FVDn5STLBv— Z100 Portland (@Z100 Portland) 1547269631.0
Hello, everyone! Don't be mad just because Ariana has lost her #1 song on Hot 100 this week, what really mean is wo… https://t.co/SRpWXLcwwi— Ariana Grande Charts (@Ariana Grande Charts) 1546883901.0
Don Lemon Explains How Kevin Hart Can Be A Better Ally To The LGBT+ Community In Powerful Viral Video ❤️
After resigning from his post as host of the Oscars several weeks ago, Kevin Hart appeared on Ellen this past January 4. After opening up about his decision to step down, Degeneres made the unexpected step of fully supporting Hart and calling for his reinstatement.
Ellen Reveals She Called the Academy to Help Re-Hire Kevin Hart As Oscars Host youtu.be
During his interview on the show, Hart claimed he'd made many apologies for his offensive tweets in the decade since making them (though many doubt the validity of this claim).
Though the endorsement from Ellen (one of the most respected and well-liked LGBTQ voices in American entertainment) did reportedly get the Academy to reconsider Hart as host, a fresh wave of criticism has also emerged to speak out against Hart's previous "apologies."
One of Hart's critics is CNN host Don Lemon, who, on his show this past Friday, January 4, broke down why a proper apology is so important:
Don Lemon to Kevin Hart: Walking away right now is your choice youtu.be
Twitter thought Lemon's words were incredibly wise.
I’m so proud of you for this @donlemon. https://t.co/MYxtbsZndk— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@Yashar Ali 🐘) 1546667708
Literally tearing up watching @donlemon’s thoughtful, piercing essay on @KevinHart4real, homophobia within the blac… https://t.co/uO6pyY1rOY— Clara Jeffery (@Clara Jeffery) 1546663545
It's unclear whether the Academy will ask Hart once again to host the Oscars, but it's pretty obvious Twitter would have some strong feelings against it.
This morning I would encourage everyone to remember that Kevin Hart’s jokes aren’t of the garden variety mockery of… https://t.co/Vhs2VhA1RQ— Phillip (@Phillip) 1546698596
This is so powerful and so moving. Thank you @donlemon. Especially in the black community, homophobia is not a jo… https://t.co/MP6NJaYVz0— Karen Attiah (@Karen Attiah) 1546700850
We all make mistakes, but many believe Hart hasn't owned up for his in a truly sincere way.
As a Black queer someone who, when my body began to manifest aspects of my identity even I was unaware of was punch… https://t.co/B7SbsSew33— Tre'vell Anderson (@Tre'vell Anderson) 1546617678
In short, being human allows Kevin Hart to make mistakes, grow and seek forgiveness for his past. Perhaps he has gr… https://t.co/PzGMeNYy89— Phillip (@Phillip) 1546700418
Hart addressed Lemon's segment on Instagram, writing about how the greats in many professions take time to learn.
Many online hoped to see an interview between Lemon and Hart at some point.
This is the interview we deserved and what’s even worse is that it’ll probably never happen. #KevinHart Don Lemon… https://t.co/LGJ1AFOW5S— Chris Glaittli (@Chris Glaittli) 1546627011
Others felt Lemon was too harsh on the comedian.
But, for the most part, people seemed to agree Hart's actions would speak louder than words.
@Variety THIS— Jeff Locker 傑夫 🦋 (@Jeff Locker 傑夫 🦋) 1546673987
Perhaps there's only one way to truly settle this...
@USATODAY Ok. Let’s settle this. Don Lemon and Ellen Degeneres in a cage match to the death. Winner decides the host of the Oscars.— No Exit (@No Exit) 1546793600