There are therapists out there that will just give the most terrible advice. Goes to show you how important it is to find one that is unbiased, empathetic, and non-judgemental.
Ashiechh asked: What is the worst thing that a therapist has ever told you?
It always sucks when you have a therapist who truly does not understand you, and doesn’t even try to.
Not an appropriate response.​
When I told her I was suicidal, she said, "That is selfish. You're punishing your family."
God this is such a common thing people say to people considering suicide, and I really think they consider it to be a statement of value. I don't get it.
Well that’s weirdly sexist.​
michelle pfeiffer why dont you want kids GIF by mother!GiphyThat I was mentally ill because I didn't want children. Like that I had a totally separate, distinct mental illness from the MDD I was there for, because I didn't want or like children.
She spent a long time trying to "cure" me of it.
​At least she was a good fit for you!
My therapist made fun of me when I told her I thought I was schizophrenic. I was absolutely shocked. But then she explained what schizophrenia was and that she was pretty sure I didn't have it. Gotta say, it was in a period in which I thought I was going crazy. Surprisingly enough, her no-nonsense and direct approach was something that appealed to me. After 20 sessions all was well and she was right all along: I suffered from hypochrondiasis. It's when you think you're suffering from all kinds of things.
My therapist was absolutely the best fit for me.
Terrible advice.
I was sixteen, my parents had mental issues and I was suffering a lot. She told me that if I couldn't handle it I should quit my studies and left my home. I had to remind her that in our country you can't work if you are under eighteen, and what a terrible idea was stop studying. I left and never came back.
​When a therapist misguides a patient, it can end up being super traumatizing. And it’s sad how often this happens.
Not a good intro to therapy.​
Zzz Ok GIF by Jim GaffiganGiphyIt wasn't so much what he said, more just his demeanor and body language.
He yawned through most of the session and kept looking at the clock next to me every couple of minutes. He just gave off an air of absolute disinterest and boredom.
After resisting going to therapy for years and basically being urged to go by friends, having this as my first interaction with a therapist was a major letdown.
​I’m sorry, WHAT?
Me: Acne. Bad teeth. Puberty. Tons of Insecurities. Extreme shyness. Depression.
Therapist: I think the reason why you're 18 and don't have a girlfriend yet is because you're gay.
Dude.
This is horrifying.
A therapist encouraged the Attachment Therapy I was undergoing. I only recently was made aware that sh!t was f**ked up. I actually got that realization from an AskReddit post that was "What is the darkest internet Rabbit Hole you've gone down?"
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_therapy <- if you want a dark internet Rabbit Hole.
For me, they called it "RAD Time" because "RAD" stood for Reactive Attachment Disorder. It still f*cks with me. I just thought it was a normal part of foster care.
I talked to my therapist about it and they told me that I "wasn't trying to get better" and "if you could just be good, and fun to be around, maybe someone would want to keep you." I recently learned that "Respectful, Responsible, Fun to be around" is pretty much the slogan for this pseudo-scientific abuse.
The PTSD still disrupts my life, but I am proud to say that in my adult life, not living under the choices of the overworked and well-meaning but misinformed turnover of social workers has changed my life for the better. I aged out of foster care. I have an organic support system now. And I am loved. I spread as much love and kindness as I can, every single f*cking day.
​Not having a good therapist can lead to some major trust issues, not just in life, but in mental health care in general.
Ok, this is incredibly illegal.
Nicksplat Therapy GIF by Hey ArnoldGiphyI have a lot of problems mainly trust issues so I went to therapy for it.
Had to change therapists like 4 times because apparently, they all believe patient confidentiality is a rule that they don't have to follow.
Finally found one that treated it like it was supposed to be treated or so I thought.
She came to a school play I was in and I didn't think anything of it until I saw her social media post going into detail about what I was in therapy for and some sappy bs about how she was glad I overcame it all, how did I find this social media post you may ask, why it was on the front page of the school website because she tagged the school in it and the school decided to put it on the front page of their website for everyone to see.
​This is messed up.
"I am not able to continue seeing you anymore because your mother thinks I am helping you too much."
She was my favorite therapist too and still to this day am upset at my dysfunctional mother for making me stop seeing her.
A therapist should be someone you trust. And to anyone who read this and is now concerned about finding a therapist they can trust, just know that most of the ones out there are professional, and truly care about their patients. For every bad apple, there are five good ones.
And if one is rubbing you the wrong way, there is no shame in leaving. You deserve the best.
It's exhausting.
Not answering emails and texts is a warning sign for me. I start procrastinating about personal correspondence when I'm on my way into a bad depressive episode (and, well, sometimes even when I'm just at baseline, but baseline with clinical depression is pretty unhappy).
Classic symptoms.
Giphy- Not finding pleasure in activities they used to enjoy
- Persistent low mood
- Problems sleeping
Yes.
I think a lot of the time people who are secretly unhappy do their best to make the people they care about laugh and feel happy. As they know what it's like to feel so down and unhappy with the world they don't wish for the people they care about to feel that way.
This is me.
Tired, if they aren't sleeping well often times something is keeping them up. Also tiredness is a commonly used excuse to answer "are you ok?"
Yeah. I've started saying "tired" because people stop prying then. It's socially acceptable. It's not as acceptable to say you feel like life is completely pointless.
Smile.
GiphyThey smile at you, because they want to be nice/friendly - but as soon as you look away, the smile falls off their face.
Because they kind of put it there, rather than it rising up naturally, once its job is done, they let it go.
Edit: since this blew up, I'm going to take the opportunity to say: THERAPY. Therapy can make a big difference, even for the most seemingly-intractable problems. If your life is unhappy, if you relate to the posts in this thread, I advise you to seek a therapist's help.
Relatable.
They don't put any effort into life.
Sometimes I get bursts of motivation to just get up and start improving my life, like right now! Finish college! Hit the gym! But then I think of all the effort I'd actually have to put in to do this, and think "Is it really worth it?" or "I don't actually enjoy working out or going to class. Will this really bring me more happiness?" and just kind of go back to sleep or switching between Reddit and Youtube.
Meh.
General apathetic approach to life mostly.
Can be perfectly described as feeling: "Meh?"
"Eh."
Also relatable.
GiphyEven if this person looks very happy you can easily put them down, make them sad or cry. They become very upset when someone is even a little bit rude to them, they can be very loud and happy at one moment and quiet at another. It's my own experience, I don't know how it works with another people.
I think this is the best way for me to recognize my depression. I'm so much more sensitive to the smallest mistakes. I can sob because my shower isn't warming up. It just feels like the worst thing is everything.
EDIT: For future readers who can see this edit, a sudden inability to stay asleep most nights can also be a sign. It's something I experience as well.
I don't care.
They have nothing to talk about or don't give any opinions. It's a sign that nothing excites or interests them.
Ouch, yeah. Even "what do you want to eat?" is usually met with "I don't care," when I normally love food.
This is true.
It took me a very long time to realize that ANGER is one of my first responses to depression. I feel like we imagine those gray blobs from the commercials that are listless and distracted and sad but for me, unchecked depression expresses as ANGER. I can't believe the stupidity around me, I give no one the benefit of the doubt, I assume everything is a slight and preemptively expect slights. As you can imagine, it's utterly exhausting and TERRIBLE to be around.
Then I lost enough friends, realized I needed to change, got therapy out of my own choice for the first time (forced into it as a kid many times), changed my responses to things, got on medication, and now it takes a lot to get me angry. A lot.
Relatable.
GiphyConstantly saying "I'm just tired" or "I'm just bored" even when not tired or bored is usually a good sign.
Now, I have to go. I'm just tired and bored.
Sleeping a lot is common.
I went through what I think was a depression last year (a solid 4-6 months where I had pretty much no friends and I was unhappy with my schoolwork, etc). What stuck out to me is that normally I'm a pretty emotional person: when things go wrong I cry it out, and I feel better after. When I was going through this, I remember noticing that I didn't cry at all, even when I sort of wanted to. Something would go wrong and sometimes I'd feel angry, and sometimes I'd panic, but usually, I just wanted to go to sleep.
I also remember calling home a lot less often than normal and being frustrated that no one was around to be there with me but always choosing to be alone in my room with the door closed anyway. Life is much much better now, I've talked to counselors and I'm making more of an effort to be social (and I'm happier for it), but mostly I remember feeling like my emotions were muted and being surprised at how lonely that felt.
Good relationship advice.
Look for signs like:
A lack of interest. Not wanting to be seen with you i.e. go out and do things with you. A lack of romance previously had. A lack of effort and or sweet little things for no reason (especially if done previously). A lack of intimacy (not to be confused with sex). Change in mood and or behavior.
Relationships are work. The more you work at them, make a genuine effort and water your own lawn the greener the grass grows. Be unselfish, be sweet, be cheesy. It's worth the effort and even if it's with the wrong person it's good practice for the right one.
Good luck and I hope this helps someone.
Also very common.
GiphyComing from someone that deals with depression and anxiety, my memory isn't as strong whenever I start feeling unhappy. That's usually one of the first signs that's a giveaway to any of my friends. As soon as I stop remembering the little things and eventually the bigger things, it's a dead giveaway.
Mood.
Complaining about trivial, unimportant things in their everyday lives. And sometimes you don't even notice you're doing it until someone finally says,"Wow, it seems like you hate everything."
When I see a close friend of mine start to isolate themselves and care less about their appearance or personal hygiene, I worry.
Depression is more than feeling sad. Though it is a common mental health illness, many people with depression feel like they are misunderstood. It can be hard for someone to express themselves, and someone suffering from mental illness may even feel uncomfortable telling the people closest to them how they are truly feeling.
Depression sufferers shared what it was like to be misunderstood, when Redditor u/PuppieWayne asked, "People who are going through depression, what do you wish your friends and family understand about you?"
10. "I wish I could tell them..."
"I wish I could tell them without them changing how they treat me"
"Yeah. When I eventually told my dad that I had thinking about killing myself and I was scared I was actually going to do it for once he changed into a completely different person."
9. "They never expect him to pretend to feel happy..."
Giphy"I saw this on the internet forever ago and it's always stuck with me:
'One awesome thing about Eeyore's friends, is that even though Eeyore seems to be clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.'"
8. "It's because of how I feel..."
"That I don't feel the way I do due to a poor sleep schedule, I have a poor sleep schedule because of how I feel"
7. "A sad, lonely, irritated person..."
"A simple 'hey, are you ok' goes a very long way with me."
"That moment when you've been depressed for so long people stopped asking you if you're okay because at this point you're always sad and angry. And you realize that to others the 'normal' you is a sad, lonely, irritated person. And that hurts you even more"
6. "When this happens PLEASE don't say..."
"Sometimes my mood just changes. One day I'll seem like I'm okay, in a good mood, but the next I may be unmotivated, mentally exhausted. when this happens PLEASE don't say 'but you were just fine yesterday why so you keep changing your mood?' i don't know"
5. "I'm not lazy..."
Giphy"I'm not lazy. I am literally unable to motivate myself to do anything. I have no goal or purpose but it's not that I'm not working towards one. I wish more than anything I could have one."
4. "There is always a disconnect..."
"I consider myself pretty decent with words, but no matter how many times I try and describe how I feel to someone, there is always a disconnect. My parents don't have the empathy bone for mental health problems, and my friends have their own issues that I don't wanna pile on."
3. "It's much deeper than that..."
"The anger that goes with it... sometimes I cannot explain why I am as angry as I am. I cannot explain why sometimes I get so angry I scream and yell over small things, when really it's much deeper than that. Most of the time I am just angry at myself."
2. "Understand my point of view..."
"Understand my point of view instead of looking at others. Understand why I'm always quiet and angry and irritable. I wish they knew I was feeling sad. My heart hurts"
"I wish they'd understand..."
"My family used to always make fun of me for not showering and wearing loose clothes.
I just wish they'd understand how difficult the smallest tasks were to me, and how hurtful some of the things they said were, not because what they said was brutal but because of how fragile I was at the time."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/