Doctors see things on the job that might make the average person's stomach churn. You have to have a strong constitution for this job, especially if you're working in the emergency unit, where anything can happen at any given moment.
Some years ago, I met a doctor who told me about all the things he had to fish out of people's butts because they'd... get things stuck up there. Needless to say, this is burnt into my brain.
We heard more stories after Redditor Naypotato asked the online community,
"Doctors of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing you’ve seen while at work?"
"But all was well."
"Baby was born in a small village with all her bowels and stomach outside of her body (gastroschisis). Mum wrapped the baby up in a swaddle and mum, dad, and baby walked 8 hours to the nearest hospital."
"Caused quite a ruckus in the emergency department triage counter as they couldn't speak the local language and had to open the swaddle to show the triage nurse what they meant."
"But all was well. Baby survived and went home well."
Walking eight hours immediately after giving birth? The woman must have been strong as hell.
"I resorted to..."
"450-pound woman bleeding from the belly button, which was obviously a very deep innie. I resorted to a large speculum to visualize then cauterized the bleeding vessel."
Anyone else ever randomly get worried about your belly button just opening up?
"Mexican doctor here. Got a call from a patient who wanted me to check on his wife since she had been laying in bed all morning. When I arrived I could smell rotten eggs and humidity in the room."
"Open the door and a body lays there, decomposed (probably 2-3 weeks), and the stench was strong because the mattress was all soggy due to the body liquids draining all over flesh. I took the poor old man outside and perform quick exploration, finding his left eye is moving uncontrollably and non-respondent to light."
"We call his family and I give them the news. Turns out he had been an epileptic his whole life but rarely took his treatment accordingly. Most probably he suffered a seizure that made him motor functional, but mentally challenged. One of the saddest cases I’ve encountered."
"That night I took a long shower, called my parents to tell them I love them. Had to take the dog in bed just for comfort. 3 months passed before I decided to do house visits again. Now I carry a hazmat mask in the car at any moment."
This is such a sad story. No wonder you took the time you needed to recover.
"Medic here. Went to a rural hospital for a clinical day (as opposed to my usual inner city trauma center I work in, which is a different brand of crazy) and we had to get an eyeball out of a woman's vagina."
"Apparently she was getting ready for a fight, and needed to keep her prosthetic eye safe. So obviously the best way to do that is to pop it out and stick it up in nature's pocket. Well it turns out that both the object and its container had enough lube to make it very difficult for her to remove."
Really never knew what the next sentence was going to be with this one.
"A homeless guy..."
"A homeless guy came in complaining of foot pain. He hadn’t taken his boots off for 18 months. Doctor took one off, turned it upside down and a toe fell out."
This is absolutely tragic. There are no words.
"Part of me thinks..."
"Part of me thinks I went into medicine because I'm inherently nosy. Anyway, in my last year of residency, we had this young patient and her husband. She thought she was pregnant, as her periods had stopped and her belly was getting bigger. I don't know why she didn't go and see an OB but....anyway."
"She was at home at a point where she thought she was "8 or 9 months pregnant," felt "something pop" and a sharp pain and thought she was going into labor. Then, her legs went numb and she could no longer walk -she and her husband didn't think that was normal so they checked into our ED."
"She had a huge yolk sac tumor with mets to the spine, liver, and other places and had to go for an emergent spinal decompression given her neurological symptoms. I wasn't the anesthesia resident for that case, but I was the one for her 2nd surgery when they wanted to remove the primary tumor, and resect some of the liver mets."
"Primary tumor was about the size of a basketball. I felt so bad for that young couple, but I still wonder to this day why they didn't get some sort of ultrasound or see an OB."
There's a movement/subculture of "solo/unassisted pregnancy and births." This theory that births and pregnancy are natural and medical intervention is unnecessary. There have, obviously, been some very tragic outcomes.
"Surgery rotation in third year med school: stat call from ER about a guy who had lost a vibrator in his rectum. Physical exam: NAD; palpable vibration noted LLQ abdomen. The vibrator was still on."
"Patient stated the vibrator had been fully charged prior to “use” and would last for hours.Ultimately the attending surgeon wanted to avoid surgery due to the still-on vibrator leading to potential complications."
"The residents made the surgical intern manually pull it out to avoid surgery. Intern ended up getting it out along with a couple of hotel-sized shampoo bottles."
"Patient discharged home from ER in stable and improved condition."
That’s why adult toys should have a flared base.
"During my internship..."
"During my internship, a person casually shared that he had been drinking sanitizer for past 3 months."
Sadly, chronic alcoholics are famous for this.
"This is a story..."
"This is a story from my mom who was an RN for decades as a hospice nurse but worked in a small country hospital for several years when she was just starting out. While this story has a little gore in it, the weird thing is at the end."
"One day a farmer came in from the field."
"He was working on a disc tiller and one of the large metal discs fell off onto his head and sliced it open so the grey matter was visible. After he arrived at the ER, they got the guy onto a bed and he was fully conscious and talking. They were waiting for the helicopter to come take him to the "big" hospital that was probably an hour away by ambulance."
"When the chopper arrived, the farmer sat up in bed so they could transfer him to the stretcher and a small piece of brain tissue fell onto the pillow. My mom pointed it out and the doc just picked it up and threw it in the trash can."
"Because it was a small hospital and was rural, the same doctor did all the follow-up for the guy after he got home."
"For the rest of his life he could remember up to New Year's eve 1961 and then New Years day in 1963. All of 1962 was completely erased from his mind as though it had never happened."
"My mom always wondered if 1962 was in that small piece of brain the doctor threw in the can."
"Well, there goes 1962."
Your mother wins this round.
Doctors have to deal with so, so much. Be kind to them. And if you ever enter the field, make sure you have a strong stomach.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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I use to to believe that I wanted to be a doctor. I really wanted to help save people's lives and I was fantastic at the game of Operation. So I thought that could be perfect. Then one day I fell off my bike and had a pretty hard crash to the ground. The outcome was nothing serious. When I looked down I noticed no skin on my knees, not a ton of blood, but no skin or mutilated skin. No bone or flesh hanging out, no reason to alert 911. I then puked and passed out. It was then I realized... I'm going to let the doctors... doctor and that ain't me.Redditor u/Master_Painis was hoping the medical people reading would share a bit about days in the trenches by asking... Surgeons of reddit, what was the most fucked up thing you've seen?
I have a feeling all of us should take a deep breath for what we're about to read. And maybe we should have a few shots of something. I get queasy at movies and television shows that take place in a hospital so this should be good.
Behind the EyesGiphy
The brother of this 60 year old guy tried to pull his eye off. Extraocular muscles were all torn, optic nerve stretched, sclera ruptured... he wasn't successful but it was half way done.
The guy was blind of his other eye.
The damage was unsalvable and we had to remove his previously good eye, due to the risk of infection.
So, he was left completely blind.
When we started to prepare for his discharge, social worker asked where was he going to live. "Back with my brother." "But he blinded you!". "Yeah... he was on drug withdrawal, he didn't mean it. And I have nowhere else to go".
The Sweet Lady
Surgical tech - not a surgeon - but this one still bothers me.
The sweetest, tiniest, elderly lady came in for (almost) total body skin grafts and multiple fractures all over her arms.
She was out for her daily walk in her neighborhood, was attacked by two dogs, and left for dead in a ditch for 4 hours. The people that found her drove by her once and thought she was a dead deer.
The dogs had ripped every article of clothing off of her. On their way back, they stopped because they had a bad feeling about it - thank goodness they did.
She was already so frail - it was like a nightmare. The whole OR was pretty much in tears working on her.
My friend is an EMT. He had a call one day about a man who needed transport. They show up to find a 500lb+ man who had not moved for months. His neighbors had been bring him food and he had been sitting in his own excrement. The smell was of death and rotting, to the point his partner had to leave and vomit. They called an additional team to assist with transport. He was complaining about some pain on his butt/legs.
When my friend and his partner moved him to check a horde of maggots emerged from his butt and legs. His tissue was necrotizing. They somehow moved this man to hospital with an extra team. He died of blood clotting a few days later.
Probably the worse case of depression my friend has ever seen.
Oh the Humanity
EMT here. I've seen a lot of messed up stuff, but this one was messed up ethically, not just gross. I got to the scene of a hit a run. Already that is messed up. Then we find out that the first people to get to the scene robbed the patient as he was lying on the ground. So this guy, almost dead, now has no shoes or wallet or anything. I was so disgusted by this. Not the patient himself, I've seen worse injuries and he survived, but by the way the people treated the situation. Very messed up.
Wrap it UpGreys Anatomy Reaction GIFGiphy
Obviously not a surgeon but the guy going in after me had crushed his hand in a hydraulic press.
He'd wrapped what was left up in a bandage and driven to hospital. Apparently the first nurse to see him in A&E did not appreciate the severity of the injury and had to go for a lie down when they took the bandage off.
I don't have the words. Are there words? I mean how can any of those situations end in survivals. That poor old woman and that eye thing? I can't...
My exes father was a surgeon. Worst he found was old surgical equipment. Inside a previously operated patient.
Was a workplace injury that I saw where a 19 year old kid ran over to help the boss because he drove over some 2 7/8 tubing we had on location (service rigs). The truck front tires were spinning on it because the tubing kept rolling with the tires In reverse kind of like a those log rider commercials from years back.
Anyways the kid ran over and put his foot on the tubing and the boss floored it in reverse. The kid was knocked over and the tubing rolled up the backside of his leg so his shin bones snapped in half. He made zero sounds until the tubing was lifted off his leg and the pressure was released. He was carried to the truck and taken to hospital.
To make matters worse the DR in the hospital set his leg before they saw the bones were shattered in multiple places so it had to be unset and then taken to another hospital to be surgically repaired. The worst part was his leg was hanging there like a wet sock.
Guys, booze and fireworks don't mix...
EMT. We had to pick up a guy from our main hospital, a level four trauma center, because said hospital wasn't equipped to handle the patient. We were all a little baffled, cuz, like... level four trauma center; they ought to be able to handle damn near anything. The hospital wanted us to take him to another hospital two hours away.
Patient got loaded up, and we found out why. While drunk off his butt on St. Paddy's, he thought Roman candles would be a great idea. He lit one about a foot from his face. As it turned out, the hospital we were transporting him to specialized in eye trauma,
Weirdest thing about this guy who had nearly blown half his face off was that, despite being on a LOT of heavy duty pain killers, he was completely with it and talkative. I rode in the back with him and speculated on theoretical physics for two hours.
Guys, booze and fireworks don't mix.
I had a doctor as my roommate for a year and there are two particular cases he told me about and even showed me pictures as proof.
- A guy came in as if nothing's wrong, not even panicked or a single care in the world. When the roommate asked what's wrong then he just pulled out his bloody severed finger from his picket and handed it to him. Just casually like it's everyday stuff.
2. One other guy was brought in and said the last thing he remembered was going into the woods with some pot. When he was brought in, his genitals were just gone. It just looked like he's a Ken doll down there. It was pretty much flat there and from the picture it looked like if you were to use a claw to rip at the skin and just rip off the skin, leaving everything else there. The wound itself didn't seem to go deep at all.
Apart from these he did tell me about gypsy people coming in claiming they fell on something when they were obviously stabbed and such. But those two above kinda stuck in my mind as they were accompanied with photos.
Can't Sayhead feels GIFGiphy
The most screwed up things are tough to mention here because, while lots of bad things happen to people, some of the more truly awful stuff might be able to be identifiable.
I will say that in my career I have seen far too many intentional injuries to children that fill me with such anger that years later they still bother me.
Source: Trauma Surgeon.
I'm so glad I didn't follow my original childhood dream. Those are definitely situations I would not be helpful in. I'd be fainting, crying and swallowing tons of meds to get through a day. Bless you medical people... bless you.
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One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
I can't tell you how many times I've sat back and chose not to speak up when medical professionals just started rambling. How dare I speak up. What do I know? I flunked chemistry and got through Geometry with a "D". But a few times there were issues left not discussed and there were problems. Just listen up to some alarming experiences.
Grandma WinsOld Lady Wine GIF by MattielGiphy
Not a doctor, but my grandmother saved my father's eyesight because she didn't listen to their doctor.
As a child, my father had really large eyes, too large. My grandmother was concerned, but the doctor kept brushing it off as normal. That anxiety-ridden woman got her herself and my infant father on a train to SF to get to an eye specialist, against all others advice. My dad was diagnosed with primary congenital* glaucoma and his eyesight was saved. Go grandma!
The Mummy Appendage
When I was a resident, an 80yo female was admitted from the nursing home for confusion. Workup showed some mild UTI and we were giving her antibiotics. The nurse mentioned that her toe looked dark and asked me to look at it. The toe wasn't just dark, it was mummified. It looked like dry beef jerky. I touched it and pieces flaked off. So the patient from a nursing home, had a mummified toe, probably for months, that no one knew about.
The CT Save
Here's my story:
A guy came in to our ICU and was very septic but still talking. He had visited his primary care MD with complaints of a sore throat for a couple of days. Dismissed without any intervention since he didn't appear to have strep throat or the flu. At this point he was having pretty severe abdominal discomfort, so we sent him for a CT scan. As the scan was finishing, he coded and had to be intubated, multi-organ failure, etc.
The CT scan was horrible - he had all kinds of stuff all over his peritoneal cavity.
His wife told us that he had choked on an ice cube the day before he saw his primary care MD. Evidently he swallowed a whole double half-moon shaped ice cube that perforated his esophagus with a HUGE linear 4.25 inch tear, allowing a significant portion of his swallowed food and drinks to get in to his peritoneal cavity instead of his stomach.
To make things worse, he had some reflux that allowed stomach acid to get in there as well (likely while he was sleeping).
Once we realized what was going on, he went for extensive washout and exploratory surgeries to repair the damage to his esophagus and other organs. Thankfully, he made a full recovery, but he was very close to not making it.
When I was an ER nurse we got an elderly lady in for altered mental status from a nursing home, when we undressed her to put her in a gown and hook her up to the monitor, I noticed no less than 5 fentanyl patches on her, guess I discovered the cause of the AMS.
Use your WordsCommunication GIF by memecandyGiphy
Neurologist sent patient to our ED without informing her that imaging showed a glioblastoma assuring her impending death. He didn't overlook the disease, he overlooked the communication.
Lord healthcare is a minefield. If you want to keep living, survival requires communication, and if you can't do it... get an advocate. Clearly I'm not the only one going through this miasma. Wait until to hear the rest...
Mad Cow Realty
During my residency we had this lady in her 60s who was getting progressively more forgetful, just overall declining and getting less and less able to take care of herself. She had been seeing her pcp who diagnosed her with dementia. And she saw a neurologist who agreed. She was not really able to provide an accurate history.
After talking to her family and friends it became apparent that her symptoms were progressing unusually quickly. I remember seeing the point where her new hair growth met her bright red dye and also her grown out nails with hot pink polish thinking, wow, it really wasn't too long ago that she was not only taking care of herself but like, going to get her hair and nails done. The lady in front of me was so far from that.
The neurologist I was training with recognized this, had her admitted and did every test including lumbar puncture. Workup eventually showed Creutzfeld Jakob disease ("mad cow") which there is unfortunately no treatment for. She died a few months later but at least we were able to prepare her family that she would only continue to decline so they could make arrangements. Really sad situation.
I used to work in maternal-fetal medicine, and every single week, we would have women referred to us "because the doctor couldn't see something clearly with the baby and wanted to double check." Nope, they just didn't want to have to be the ones to tell you that your baby had a complex cardiac defect or multiple anomalies indicative of a genetic syndrome or any other of a large number of horrible things that can happen during fetal development. Still pisses me off when I think about how many women waited weeks for more information because their doctors were cowards who couldn't tell them, "There's something seriously wrong here."
"I can't see it quite clearly," didn't sound serious, so the appointment wasn't made with any urgency, and now you're 24 weeks pregnant with a fetus that will not survive infancy, and have no options but to carry to term and hope for a quick and painless death shortly after birth.
I'm not a doctor, but a RN. This happened to me, but isn't nearly as bad as most of the stories on here.
When I was in college, I got to where I couldn't swallow. It started with difficulty swallowing, progressed to me having to swallow bites of food multiple times/regurgitating it, and then got to where all I could swallow was broths and mashed potatoes with no chunks. I went to the doctor multiple times, and was told every time it was acid reflux and part of my anxiety disorder.
I lost 30 pounds (was only 120 when this started) and was just generally miserable.
Finally my grandma was tired of watching me be sick all the time, so she called the GI doctor herself. They said we needed a referral, but she explained the situation and they got me in the next day. Did an endoscopy and my esophagus was 95% occluded at the gastroesophageal sphincter.
For some reason, some of my primary doctors notes ended up in my discharge paperwork (I guess they had to contact her to get my information) and she had told them it was acid reflux and basically I was being over dramatic. She stated she did not recommend them to do the procedure.
Needless to say, I switched doctors. Awful. Was not a fun year.
He put the pacemaker lead in the subclavian artery (and across the aortic valve into the left ventricle). The proper approach is: subclavian vein to right ventricle). And then he didn't notice it for over a year. I saw the patient (a 25 yo woman who didn't need the pacemaker in the first place) when she was in congestive heart failure.
The pacemaker lead had destroyed the valve! A surgeon and I had to do surgery to remove the pacemaker and lead. Then replace the aortic valve! Totally inexcusable. Well, 50% of doctors are below average, but everybody thinks theirs is in the top 10%.
Rattlesnake bite. On a 2 year old. Patient and dad out in the fields near a small town that is several hours away from the nearest big city, where I work.
Dad takes the child to the ER in the small town with an obvious snake bite, doctor there says "eh it's ok she probably didn't get envenomated." Doesn't give the patient antivenin, which they had at that hospital, and instead of electing to send the child to us by helicopter, he sent her by ambulance. Several hours later patient shows up to our hospital coding, and ended up dying.
Probably didn't get envenomated?!? What the hell kind of stupid fool idea is that. If a tiny child gets bitten by a rattlesnake, you assume they've been envenomated and you treat them as though that had been. That means antivenin, physiological support, etc. completely absurd.
So what have we learned? Medicine is a collaborative effort. We don't have to know everything, but we have to be vocal. More than one opinion = saving lives. More often than not... YOURS!
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If you ever find yourself administering first aid in a chaotic emergency situation, here's hoping Hollywood movies and middle school rumors aren't the only things running through your mind.
Nobody knows exactly were common medical myths get started. But one day, it just seems that everyone shares belief in some oddly specific fact about human health and illness.
And it's a miracle that most of these totally misguided "facts" are harmless, interesting descriptions more than advised remedies.
But there are some myths that could be a real problem and endanger the health of the countless people that believe them. But thanks to Reddit, the record was recently set straight on at least a few of them.
locks_are_paranoid asked, "What medical myth do people still believe?"
Anything to Make it Stop
"Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis" -- VodkaMargarine
"A guy actually tested this! For over 60 years Donald L. Unger cracked only his left hand to prove that cracking knuckles doesn't cause arthritis." -- SourTomato123
"The person who first said this, did so likely because the sound is f***ing irritating." -- Schneetmacher
Stop Peeing People!
"People always want to pee on you when you get stung by a jellyfish."
"It doesn't help. Keep it in your pants and get me some vinegar to pour on it instead." -- ConflictDonuts
"You need heat and/or acidity, depending on the jellyfish. Urine has both, but has neither in sufficient quantities to do anything." -- Malvania
Don't Underestimate the Pinch
"Leaning your head back when you have a nosebleed. You do this if you enjoy blood running down your throat."
"What you need to do is to lean forward and pinch your nostrils shut and start breathing from your mouth. Give it 5-10 minutes and the bleeding usually stops then."
A Very Important PSA
"All strokes/heart attacks start with the same symptoms for all people. Especially when symptoms are ignored because they don't fit what we've seen on TV/movies." -- FakingGumption
"I had a heart attack at 35. I'm a woman. I literally sat on the sofa for 10 - 15 mins working out how on earth I had pulled a muscle in my shoulder."
"As the pain spread and changed I then thought about if I was having some sort of panic attack. I have anxiety so wouldn't be unreasonable."
"It was 2 am, by the time I woke my husband to tell him I was calling the ambulance my whole arm was numb and cold and I couldn't breathe properly."
"It just didn't occur to me that I could be having a heart attack, it didn't appear like any heart attack I'd ever heard off." -- lynara82
Nobody Tell Rambo
"You can't suck the venom out of yourself from a snake bite, idk why movies show this." -- Datsunking
"Probably because they're movies and aren't required to follow the same rules we are." -- CyanOyster
Keep the Steak Away from Wounds
"Putting a steak on a black eye helps it heal. Don't do this! It could cause a bacterial infection!"
"Back in the day, ice was very expensive so they wouldn't put ice on the black eye but instead reach in the cooler and grab the steak because the steak was less expensive than the ice."
"I'm Not Toast, Grandma!"
"My gramma heavily believes that smearing butter on burns will help it out."
"If you are curious, no, its not helpful, you are just making your already sensitive tissue more tasty to the bacterias that will probably try to infect your burn."
"I am 5 pictures of infected burns away from making her see how bad of an idea it is."
Inside vs. Outside
"Being thin is the same as being in shape" -- Ahyeeoobee
"My stepdad was as thin as a bean pole and from all outside appearances seemed healthy. In fact, his diet was sh** and he rarely exercised."
"He died two years ago at the age of 37 as the result of a heart attack. He had coronary artery disease that wasn't discovered because no one thought to look for it. Still hurts." -- debonair_dahling
Weight Loss is Not a System of Lasers and Shrink Rays
"That you can lose weight from a specific part of your body" -- TheYungestYonk
"Spot training, and how it doesn't exist, is the biggest thing I've had to educate middle aged women on when doing any sort of physical training." -- JeetKuneBro
"I wish but having done the whole weight loss thing, pretty sure genetics have something to do with where weight disappears/appears first, last, faster, slower."
"It's definitely interesting to watch the changes happen over time but yeah turns out you can't just do a ton of sit ups and expect ripped abs. It'd be so nice to be able to pick and choose cause sometimes I just want to skip leg day." -- TechToTrail
That deoxygenated blood is blue. It's actually a darker red than oxygenated blood." -- NeutralityTsar
"Actually had this argument with my sister in law who is an actual nurse in a hospital! I'll never go to that hospital." -- deeboe
"Easy way to check this - Get your blood drawn. The inside of the tubes are vacuum, the blood coming from the veins is a dark red." -- acoupleabcs
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As doctors will be the first to explain, there is one element of the medical profession that is routinely underestimated by med school hopefuls: patient interaction.
Understandably, would-be doctors prioritize the more concrete elements of the profession. They pour over anatomy books, understand the latest treatments and technologies, and hone their ability to diagnose efficiently, accurately.
Yet, a good amount of a doctor's work day is spent hashing it out with their patients--regular folks who know extremely little about how the body works.
Managing those human interactions well is paramount to providing good care. But it can be difficult.
And few things are more difficult than an ignorant patient who blasts in making claims about their body that rely on strange word of mouth theories and slipshod online research.
"When my dad was still doing his home clinic, he had several patients with the weirdest symptoms."
"Once a man came in and said he had a burning penis and actually thought someone was coming in and lighting a fire under it while he slept. He wanted a cure for burning when in reality he had gonorrhea."
"He got offended when my dad told him this because he was married and his wife was fine but 80 percent of women that have gonorrhea are asymptomatic."
"Turns out the dude had a serious sex worker addiction which is where he and his wife got it from."
Smile and Nod
"I had a patient come in for a general surgeons consult and was convinced that she had a blood cancer (which is non surgical btw)."
"I asked her, ok have you had (insert all probing questions here). She says no."
"Ok... So I asked how she was so confident in having the 'blood cancer' and she says that she read about this test you can do, on the internet..."
"...where you get about 'this much' (while approximating like half a cup) rum and drink it."
"And if it makes your lymph node hurt then you have the cancer. And then she points to two spots where there definitely aren't major lymph nodes and says that's where she felt it."
"I said ok we'll keep that in mind and check your labs in case. So I finished my interview and walked out."
"I checked her labs from a month ago and they were perfect."
"No one told me how solid your poker face would need to be when I started medical school. Thank goodness for masks."
Been Around the Block
"Gynecologist here. A woman came to the ER because she claimed her uterus had wandered off inside her body. She was sobbing hysterically and seemed genuinely afraid."
"I called my back up senior consultant who immediately said that he'd met the patient before and that he would handle it."
"He walks in, examines her, tells her the uterus is now firmly back in place."
"The woman now cries of happiness and thanks him profusely before happily being on her way."
A Brief PSA....
"Saw a patient once who stated she caught diabetes from her best friend after sharing clothing."
"Yes, diabetes is a real thing, but catching it from your friend's sweater is not a real thing."
The Dog-Duck Freak Hypothesis
"My friend is a vet and one day this very worried lady comes with a puppy in a box and an egg. She whispers to my friend that she has a female duck, and that her puppy had been 'messing around' with this duck..."
"...so she was worried that the egg the duck had laid that morning was some kind of abomination like The basilisk or some other folklore monster."
"Friend had to bite down laughter and explain that eggs are not laid as a result of sexual intercourse and that her duck's egg wasn't fertilized."
"The lady gave the puppy away eventually, unconvinced that there was no possibility of creating a dog-duck freak"
"I work in rural EMS. Shift change is at 8 am; this call came in at 7 am. Mind you, a call for us can last as long as 5 hours depending on which hospital we are heading to.."
"The call comes in as uncontrolled vomiting."
"My partner and I immediately head to the address. It took us a while to find the house because we had a house description, but the house was behind a tree line that was behind a locked gate."
"Anyways, we grab our pack and monitor, climb the gate, only to be met by our patient who was driving herself to the gate. She climbs out of her truck, limbos under the gate and crawls into the back of the ambulance."
"I asked her 'when was the last time you threw up?' 'Last night before bed.' She said. She claimed to have eaten bad Mexican food and believed that was the cause."
"She was totally stable the entire time. It ended up being about a 3 hour call. I was so pissed."
Bring in the Doctor
"I'm not a doctor, but my sister is. And we are both very unfortunate to have swamp people as family. They are not very bright."
"Well about 4 years ago my father was fighting cancer, and losing the battle. One of my aunts flew into the metropolitan I live in, and later that evening around the dinner table she asked where my fathers girlfriend was."
"I informed her that she had died of cancer a year previous."
"Her reaction was some over the top anger, yelling and cussing about how terrible it is that his girlfriend gave him her cancer."
I actually had to get my sister to drive 40 minutes to my house and explain to her that cancer is not transmitted from person to person, and it was in fact my fathers 42 years of chain smoking that gave him cancer. It took quite some convincing."
Not How Spines Work
"I'm a Physiotherapist and probably once a day get someone telling me that their disc 'popped out' and needs to be put back in again." -- Cocktailego87
"And they walked in to tell you, of course." -- CampbellsChunkyCyst
"Yes exactly and showed me precisely the movements they 'can't' do (while doing the movement)" -- Cocktailego87
A Free Service
"Had someone who called 911 because he wanted a suppository inserted." -- firefighting101
"Have some medical training and am notorious for providing potential diagnoses to friends who have new symptoms+pre-existing conditions and want to have suggestions for the doctor so the docs don't write it off as the pre-existing conditions."
"I had a friend tell me say 'I'm addicted to the smell of my own skin' asked me if it was a symptom of their mental health disorder, or a new disorder they should go get checked out for."
"I repeatedly told them it's not a thing. They kept whining."
"I went to their house, smelled their SOAP. It smelled fantastic. I secretly replaced the soap in the bottles with one the same color."
"Friend shut up about the skin-smelling addiction."
"The friend literally just liked the smell of soap."
They Never Learn
"'My throats dry'"
"Well what do you normally do when your throat is dry?"
"'I drink water'"
"Did you try that?"
Quite the Discovery
"It's cliche, but I've definitely had a female patient give me a chief complaint of an inflamed prostate." -- IndWrist
"I'm a trans guy. My doctor said I needed a prostate check and I was like 'I have one of those?!' and got so happy, and then she was confused..."
"...and then I realized she didn't know I was trans so I told her but remained happy because it's the thought that counts (actually because I'd never had a doctor not know I was trans before)." -- firstmatedavy
A Poor Performance
"Pseudo seizures: People who are medically diagnosed with having fake seizures. They pretend to have full body seizures including convulsions, frothing at the mouth, the works."
"When I ask them to do things, like stand up to get on the stretcher, or hold their arm still so I can start and IV, they comply, while still 'having a seizure.'"
"Watching a 47 year old house wife in a gated golf course neighborhood "seizure" while standing up and get on a cot is something else."
"I once got a 3AM 911 call to a 'sick person' (wonderful dispatching.) I get there and this dude has a pimple on his back. Not a boil...a pimple."
"he was insistent that we take him to the hospital. Turns out that he wanted to go because the voices told him that he would get blood poisoning and die if he didn't go."
Contracted Very Suddenly
"Former volunteer for the Saxon Disaster Prevention service"
"We were once overlooking a race and a guy came to us claiming that he got spontaneous diabetes from eating too many Snickers. Turned out he just had too much and got a stomach ache."
"I had a lady come in convinced she had hypothermia because she kept checking her temperature orally immediately on waking and it was always 92 degrees. She thought it was getting low while she slept and causing her snoring, daytime sleepiness, etc."
"I explained that since she is snoring and sleeping with her mouth open an oral temperature immediately on waking wouldn't be accurate and A temperature of 92 degrees wouldn't be compatible with life."
"She wanted continuous temperature monitoring while sleeping. Yeah that isn't a thing. Even in a sleep study."
"I discussed with her that she probably has sleep apnea and that she doesn't need to check her temperature unless she is having chills, sweats, other symptoms of infection. She got mad and left. SMH"
Rabies Via Chicken
"A woman wanted to get checked for rabies because a possum (which does not carry the rabies virus) attacked her chicken and she wanted to get checked. (She did not get scratched or bit by the possum either)"
"She wanted to get checked regardless"