"How do you know when someone is really in an open relationship, and not a cheater pretending to be in one?"
When In Doubt, Don't...
"If you're feeling off about it, don't do it."- Massive-Ad7628
Bad Feeling I Anticipate Problems GIF by America's Got TalentGiphyConfirmation Needed From Both
"When the partner openly knows and acknowledges it."- EngineeringVirgin
"I was seeing a man who was married."
"He assured me that their relationship was open, that he had full permission to do whatever, and that if it would make me comfortable he would give me his wifeβs number and she and I could chat."
"We saw each other for about four years."
"I went to pick him up at his house a couple times and his wife would say 'have a nice date!'."
"Thatβs the way to do it."
"Everything on the table."
"If thereβs some sneakiness, something that makes you feel itβs not quite right, you need to listen to that feeling."- theyarnllama
"Ask to meet their partner."
"If theyβre really open, it shouldnβt be a problem."- bloomautomatic
Threes Company Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphyAn Oldie But A Goodie...
"Ask them to pinky swear."- Still_kinda_hungry
Give Your Intentions A Second Thought As Well
"Agh."
"Ok so Iβm in an open relationship with my partner and he hooked up with this girl, and we called her to go get a drink with us and she was like 'I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didnβt know you knew'.β
"After that I def didnβt want to hang out with her because she thought she was facilitating him cheating on me."
"Not cool."
"Intentions matter."- Physical_Witness_922
Ask And Answer
"In my experience, ask literally anything about what type of poly or open they are."
"Also anyone who isn't willing to get/show a recent std test isn't worth the risk."- Midori8751
just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyInstructional Videos
"My SO and I just make videos explaining the situation and ground rules."
"That way, our potential partner know what they are dealing with."- TagtheCat
Doesn't Hurt To Check...
"I slept with a woman who was in an open marriage."
"Her husband called to check on her and ask if she was ok."
"She said she was fine and that was the extent of the call. I think thatβs a pretty good indicator."- Fit-Concern-81
It's All About The Reaction
"When they introduce you to their SO as their lover and the SO is fine with it."
"Open relationships rarely sneak around on each other."- welltriedsoulΒ·
β'So likeβ¦. You know your husbands screwing Ashley rightβ¦.??'β
β'Yeah I know'.β- AkKik-Maujaq
It Must Be A Mutual Decision
"In my experience, one of my ex's said we were in an open relationship, however I didn't know that."
"So yeah, that's a cheater."
"I briefly dated someone that was in an open relationship (the couple were long distance)."
"I spoke on the phone with the girlfriend before any sex happened so we could all be on the same page regarding boundaries and intentions, what protection will be used, testing, etc."
"It really wasn't awkward, and I appreciated knowing that everyone was aligned."- korova_chew
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyIf They Say No, That's A Problem
"Ask them if you can talk to their partner."- vivi2626
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Don't Date!
"I've been poly for closing in on 2 decades."
"I used to run a large poly meetup in a huge metro area."
"I've seen it all, personally talked to several thousand+ poly folks over the years, etc."
"I REFUSE to engage with anyone in a DADT policy at all at this point."
"HARD F*CKING PASS, the vast majority of the time its cheating."
"And when its not I swear 95% of the time is because the couple with the DADT policy hasn't done any work around opening up their relationship and there are a LOT of problems involved."
"And I want nothing to do with that huge nightmare of a cluster f*ck anymore."
"Here's my perspective and where it comes from."
"The amount of cheating I've seen is beyond staggering."
"A huge percentage of the women I know have run into TONS of men that are cheating and try to use poly, dadt, etc as a guise to do it."
"I have zero reason to put that much trust in someone I just met. It's the same reason I ask for proof of STI testing."
"I can't understand people with the attitude of 'if you can't trust them why are you with them' the whole point is you don't know them that well why would you trust them?"
"This is one step in establishing some trust."
"The ethical part of ENM is a big big deal to me, and I refuse to be complicit in cheating and be put in an unethical situation."
"If cheating was rare it would be a different situation, but f**k it's common."
"I've verified 100% of my partners are in ethical situations, and none of them had a problem with it."
"I've had a number of their partners thank me for actually checking."
"I'll accept a few options for verification, a phone call, voice chat, a brief text exchange while my date is present, a prerecorded voice / video message, or showing me snippets of a conversation where being poly is discussed / confirmed and there is a long-standing chat history with said person."
"Most of the time I had already met or seen their partner, so I already knew it was ethical."- f*cklifehard
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphyMany couples have said that their communication and commitment has greatly improved after opening their relationships.
When one half of a couple seeing other people causes pain and unhappiness, however, it seems clear that that relationship is not open in a healthy way.
Particularly if only one person is truly benefitting from it.
As strangers on the internet have pointed out, some people like making a big deal about appearing rich β even though their bank accounts don't reflect that.
I remember wearing a sweatshirt from the GAP with the giant logo indicating where I got it and was mocked for it because it wasn't a "fancy" brand. Geez.
People can be so judgy in today's superficial society. And for the record, that pullover was not that cheap.
Curious to hear what strangers had to say, Redditor rock4lite asked:
"What screams, 'I am pretending to be rich?'"
Lacking Taste
"90% of the people here don't seem to get that you can be rich AND have bad taste."
β Alpha-et-Gamma
"If you already have a bad taste, it won't suddenly become good just because you're rich. And at the same time - taste is subjective so to what extent should anyone care on whether they have a good or a bad taste, right? (I am in agreement with you btw. Just wanted to add to your comment)"
β OneTIME_story
Holding $$$
"People who post pictures of them holding money."
β SalamiMommie
"If you are holding the money, it isn't that much money."
β MTAlphawolf
Flashing The Brand
"Posting on social media the expensive stuff you buy and clearly showing the logo."
β yuri_yk
Posh Hotel
"My aunt does this all the time. That and photos of her 'expensive' vacations. She works for an airline and gets heavily discounted (sometimes free) flights."
"2 years ago she posted photos of herself and her husband staying at some crazy high end famous hotel (like $1k+ a night for basic rooms). The actual story behind it was that they were staying with a relative the whole week and she pressured her husband to pay for a single night there. But then post the photos like she was staying there the whole time."
"Her entire personality is pretending she is rich. In reality they are struggling because she is draining their life savings."
Flaunting It
"People who live in low income areas but spend their money on expensive clothes, shoes and jewelry that are Louis Vuitton just to flex on those who don't have it."
β lens_princess
Expensive Wheels
"Don't forget their new sport car or Jeeps parked outside their mobile home. If my neighbor sold their three Jeeps their home might not fly away during tornado season with a foundation built under it."
Priorities
"Coming from a car guy who would gladly own certain cars rather than a house. Sometimes the car just means more than a house would."
"There's actually a few people who have done this before too. From what I remember, one who was technically homeless in order to buy a Bugatti Veyron (I think he owns some business too though). There's also a YouTube who owns a R-32 GT-R and lives in what is the size of a shed."
"Just depends where your priorities lie."
β PingKiccolo
"I Got This"
"Making a big deal out of paying something for someone. People who are well off might pay for things for you but they will try and be as chill and low key about it as they can. People who want you to notice and feel grateful or impressed by them are just trying to show off."
Excessive Accessories
"Wearing too much jewelry."
"'Jewelry is meant to adorn you, not make you look rich' - Coco Chanel"
β sugaree53
"Mr. T would like a word with you."
β Insaniac1
mr t dancing GIFGiphyDamaged Goods
"Having a newer model car and driving around with the collision damage. Like bro, you were able to 'buy' a new car but can't afford to get it fixed or the deductible to get it fixed?"
"Taking pictures and selfies with other people's nice stuff. (E.g. cars, liquor, table service at a club, etc)"
β n00bcak3
What's In Your Wallet?
"Reminds me of the time my coworker brought in her new $400 designer wallet that her 'boyfriend' (she didn't actually have a boyfriend) bought for her."
"I told her 'That's cool, but I'd rather have a $5 wallet, and $395 to put in that wallet.'"
β svenson_26
Shots For Everyone!
"Dropping $250 cash to buy a round of overpriced shots (Patron, Hennessy, etc). They always want to carry the tray and hand out shots to all their friends and whomever is nearby. As a bartender I see this all the time, yet their card gets declined when they try to start a tab because it doesn't have the $5 on it for the preauth. The people with actual money take a quiet table, order, and subtlety hand me their card saying they have this round."
β Ok_Listen_7545
Dramatic Accessories
"The flashy jewelry. Upperclass jewelry is typically more subtle and understated. They have all their own weird kinds of trying to flex, but I never see it with the large flashy jewelry."
The Jetsetter
"Goes on holiday to Dubai exclusively and drives a brand new Mercedes."
"Bruh you're a labourer and your car is on finance and Dubai is a glittered tacky dust hole. You can get return flights for like 400 quid so ya not fooling anyone with your cropped skinny white jeans, no socks and country club looking shirt."
"What's funny is 99% of people knows someone like this."
β MeMuzzta
It's All In The Delivery
"When your last name is Bucket, and you pronounce it like, 'Bouquet.'"
β EthanJoshua1994