Passing on wisdom generation to generation is a life milestone. There are only things that can be taught to you by a parent. Life's meaning is learning as much as we can to impart wisdom onto others that follow, especially if they're our children. A parent/child bond is so special yet so fragile. So treat it with care.
Redditor u/Ajnat75 wanted to hear the advice that boys need to hear most from their dads by asking..... What's the best lesson a father should pass on to his son?
Look Closeseth meyers dabbing GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers Giphy
Taking responsibility for your actions. It is unbelievable how bad people blame others for their problems and do not look themselves in the mirror to see what they could do better.
Letters from Jail....
My biological dad left me when I was born. He was a felon on the run. One thing he said to me in a letter from jail was. "I was a coward and didn't want to own up to my responsibilities. Look at where I am at now, I will never meet my son again. Don't take advantage of anyone that loves you and wants the best for you, in the end always learn to love one another, take responsibility for your actions, and never abounded your family."
Update : I want to thank everyone for the great comments and awards. I am 24 years old (male). I've accomplished great things and will always thank my dad for given me that drive... I love my step-dad now and he also is an amazing role model. When I have children, I will be the best dad ever. Again thank you for the nice comments, I rarely ever talk about this.
My dad has taught me a few. The two that first come to mind are:
Prepare for the worst but hope for the best
The lessons best learned are the ones that hurt the most.
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The best lesson for me is compassion. My dad would pull over to push broken down cars out of the road.
He would take the homeless guy by the White Castle sliders. He would shovel our neighbors sidewalk. I could go on. He taught me that the burden is lighter if we carry it together.
get a pen
The TWO things that I think are core to teach your kids are empathy and personal responsibility.
This can be reflected in a variety of ways
- it's only a game if both people want to play
- big people watch out for little people
- treat other people the way you would like to be treated
- work before play cromulent_weasel
Know how to cook and clean.
Being a useless bachelor is less charming than you think. After you've found someone, it's the easiest tool you can use to impress them.
Having dinner ready for your partner in a clean kitchen after they've had a long day goes a lonnnng way, and it's really not that much effort.
My dad told me this before I left for college (with a few more sexist points I've omitted) but the message was the same. Don't be a slob, and know how to make a few killer meals.
Treat women like people, not commodities (Cannot believe this wasn't already posted).
As the father of two daughters and a son, this can't be stressed enough. This machismo "don't mess with my daughter" thing? Yes, tone it down a little and teach your daughters about consent and bodily autonomy, but so many dads like this fail to teach this same lesson to their sons.
Teach your sons to treat women how you'd want other people's sons to treat your daughters.
Honestly, take gender out of it and just teach it as a general rule - a rule made out of gold, like some sort of... golden... rule.
Failing is fine so long as you learn from it and try not to repeat it.
From the Web
I see a lot of answers posted here, most of them copied from some "father advice" website. Here's what I am tryin' to teach my kids:
- Respect people and try to understand that sometimes bad people are bad because they had less luck in life.
- Have enough confidence to try and succeeded doing things by yourself.
- Even if you do things by yourself, your family and your friends WILL help you. and69
Feelings....I Love You Hearts GIF by Chippy the Dog Giphy
It's ok to show affection, and say "I love you." Greatest gift my father ever gave me.
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Art is essential way society learns and moves and evolves. Often times people can look to or quote films, books and tv shows that opened their eyes to change and made realize the meaning of empathy, particularly films. But some movies are flat out wreaking havoc on the psyche. I'm looking at you Disney. From Bambi's mother to Ariel giving up her gifts for a man. Some of their "advice" is off the rails. For instance....
Redditor u/WeeklySubject wanted to discuss the times Disney has left the wrong impression by asking.... What's the worst lesson we can learn from a Disney movie?
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Rats in a professional kitchen are OK.
Myself and all the other chefs/cooks I know love that movie for how realistic it is in so many ways, right down the to the pan burns on Collette's arm. But for true realism she should've punched him in the freaking mouth.
Just think of the happiest things, and jump off the building. Yay.
Evil people look evil.
Hans was an intelligent and manipulative character. Kinda sexy. He had a plan, adapted well to radically changed circumstances, and very nearly took over the whole kingdom over the span of 24 hours. He only got caught because he couldn't resist the temptation to villain monologue... but what Disney character can?
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Your toys are alive and resent you for giving them away.
Aladdin taught me that a legitimate government was a thing you could fake with a really good parade.
This bothered me since I was a kid. Aladdin said he "wasn't a real prince" and all we see the genie do is arrange a parade with a bunch of people who all seem to disappear as soon as the parade is over. But Aladdin didn't wish for a fake parade to pad out a long con. He wished to be a prince.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame teaches that if you're ugly, you might find acceptance, but you won't find love. Love is for the attractive characters.m
To be fair though the novel is actually waaayyy worse. Phoebus takes Esmeralda's virginity then ditches her. She ends up being hung as a witch. Quasimodo burns the church killing the priest and then disappears. Sooo... Disney's version is a little less dark.
For the Boys
Disobey your father, sell your soul to a witch, all to hook up with some guy you've never spoken to that's a completely different species and would eat your closest friends for dinner.
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Instead of owing up to your mistake, just put the entire kingdom to sleep until it's fixed.
Beware the Love
All the princess movies, minus Frozen, Brave, Moana, and The Princess and the Frog: The person you instantly fall in love with is your soulmate and you should throw everything away to be with them. The only princess I can kind forgive for this is Cinderella considering her life at home was terrible, so she wasn't losing everything by running off with the prince.
So many people I know personally have done the same thing and gotten themselves into really bad situation/abusive relationships.
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Also don't talk to strangers. Unless strangers are hot. Then talk to strangers.
Beauty and the Beast: You had better trust the woman disguised as an old lady.
Looks and $$$
A rich and handsome man will come and take your helpless butt away from all of your troubles.
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My husband's favorite movie is beauty and the beast and every time after we watch it he takes off all of his clothes and he pretends that he is the beast and he runs around the house terrorizing me.
If you're not born into power, marry for it.
A lot of people (mainly women) waste their lives away thinking that marrying a rich or powerful man will one day solve all their problems, when the vast majority will never even date one.
2 better than 1
Ralph 2 = Go turbo for your personal benefits and as the president, abandon all your citizens and abandon your best friends while you're at it.
This is referring to Vanellope.
And that is one of many reasons why I hate Wreck it Ralph 2. It took everything Wreck it Ralph 1 established and threw it all away.
I dunno. But, all the dead moms makes me feel like Disney feels some type a way about mothers.
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You fall in love with the random man who kissed while you were sleeping.
Never. Trust. Anyone. Even. If. They. Are. Family.
You can lift anything with enough balloons.
Everything worked the way a kid thinks it would. If they had changed it for realism at any point it would have broken the whole vibe.
But I'm also biased because that movie is just SO RIDICULOUSLY GOOD.
If you fall for a woman, the best way to get her to love you is to kidnap her until Stockholm Syndrome sets in. Maybe give her some hallucinogenic drugs so that she thinks that the furniture and serving wear are alive and singing to her and dancing with her.
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All animals speak fluent English.
They aren't speaking English. It's just being translated for the benefit of the audience.
In Lady and the Tramp, there was a scene where they were walking around the zoo after hours, talking to the animals. They went up to the monkey cage but all they got from them was monkey chatter because "they must be too closely related to humans."
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Listen up kiddies! The people who have lived it know better. It is just fact! Of course when our hormones were raging we didn't listen either, but don't repeat our mistakes. When you are a teen you think you're invincible and the world is an open journey. Use your seatbelt and a condom. Start learning about politics and for the love of God..... get good grades. You will regret utilizing high school.Redditors u/Mjagos09 wanted all the grown ups to sit down give out some wisdom by asking..... Adults of reddit, what is something every teenager needs to know?
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Adults don't have it all figured out.
They are just used to the fact that they are not and are usually quite good at hiding it.
Dealing with your emotions will become easier as you grow.
Even if someone says that their high school years were the best time of their life, doesn't mean that yours should necessarily be, there's a high chance your best years are far ahead of you.
2 related messages.
- almost nobody gives a crap about you
- that is amazing news. Kryten_2X4B_523P
I always used to cringe when I remembered an embarrassing situation that happened to me, because I would worry about what others thought of me. Nowadays I don't really care and I always keep in mind that everyone has been through some embarrassing things as well, which means they probably cringe more about themselves than me, the same way I cringe about myself and totally forget about others.
Tell the Truth
Parents mess up too. Good parents openly admit their wrongs and use it as a teaching moment.
This! Apologize to your kids if you mess up! I can't tell you how many times I have yelled or placed blame when I shouldn't have. I always, always apologize and explain-- we are only human and we mess up too.
When you don't apologize to your kids, you teach them to be unapologetic when they are grown as well.
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I came here to say what my father told me the day before I started high school- don't ever let anyone tell you that this is the "best time of your time". Yeah you should enjoy this time, its fun because you start to get more independence and start to become your own person but life SHOULD keep getting better and more interesting as you get older.
Basic household "management". Learn how to cook a couple of meals, know when to tidy/clean up a bit etc. Speaking from someone who moved out at 18 and had no clue. Oh and look after yourself physically and mentally.
I did the laundry, the dishes, cooked most meals and kept a big chunk of the house clean.
She also required me to demonstrate at least three or four main meals, a breakfast, and a dessert to a decent standard.
She wanted to be sure that when I was living under my own steam I'd be able to look after my space and feed myself more than just toast and instant noodles.
Turns out, most of the people I lived with in university couldn't do half of that, and the best way to make friends in university is to offer chocolate cupcakes on day one.
Years & Years.....
Right now you have a massive span of life in front of you. Enjoy it. But remember ten or twenty years from now you're going to be much happier if you both had fun and also thought ahead.
Read. Exercise. Hug your friends. Show your loved ones you love them, whatever that means to you.
This thread might be filled with ways to be a responsible adult and a successful person. Try as hard as you can to be a happy one too.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, and thanks for being you. Sorry for the typo. And yes, maybe wait til Covid is over before hugging everyone? Just keep it in mind for when things are better.
You will make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes will be huge. But, that's ok. Whatever problem that mistake produced, it's only temporary. You can correct it. It may not be easy and it may take time, but you can do it.
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Being popular doesn't matter as much as you think it does.
Don't blow your student loan on drugs.
Don't blow your load in someone you don't want kids with.
Don't blow off family/friend gatherings. They won't be around forever.
Don't blow your cool if you can help it. It rarely solved anything.
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You won't give a crap about things that happened in high school when you're in college/working.
I played sports in high school and I was a pretty good runner. I was also a musician in the school band. Now in my 30s the only thing I still care about from high school is that I wish I hadn't let myself get out of shape, or stop playing music. Those things become harder to find the time to improve at as you get older.
I did eventually start running again to lose weight and I'm still a runner today but I'm no where near as good.
be okay....notorious julia george GIF by The Paley Center for MediaGiphy
Don't compare yourself to others too much. No matter how perfect someone may seem, they're not. Nobody is. Everybody has flaws and makes mistakes. You're okay.
Make a Mess
Learn how to screw up. We spend too much of our lives trying to do everything right, but the best lessons come from learning from our mistakes.
I'm reading the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k by Mark Manson right now. He does a really good job explaining why only pursuing positive experiences in life is itself a negative experience. I highly recommend anyone who is interested to read the book.
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
To add to that, you gotta take care of yourself. Not just your physical self, your mental health too.
The world will ignore it but you gotta protect and care for yourself like you would for a close friend. Even if you have tons of friends, be your own best friend too. Look out for that dude, he'll thank you later for it.
No matter where you work, HR is not your friend.
This was a rude awakening for me working for a so-called social justice organization and learning that behind the scenes its just a company that runs a low-wage front line like any other company. old fashioned worker exploitation.
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If somebody tries to tell you "these are the best years of your life", that's absolute horse-crap. Your quality of life and how much fun you are allowed to have is not dictated by your age. And it's naïve to assume all teenagers have it easy.
Soap it Up
Personal hygiene is critical. You need to shower regularly (soap on armpits, crotch, and ass crack), use antiperspirant, brush and floss, and do your laundry. Other people will notice your funk long before you do and once you're known as the smelly person, it's nearly impossible to clear that reputation.
Make it a rule that you don't leave your house unless you've showered within the last 24 hours, are wearing clean underwear, and have brushed your teeth and put on deodorant within an hour prior to leaving. It sounds silly but there is sadly a large population that needs to improve their hygiene.
The Add Up
Everything compounds: your savings, your reputation, your career, etc. Get started early because playing catch up is hell. The one thing I would really emphasize is to learn about household finances/budgeting, saving, and investing. Take the standard of living you want and figure out what level of income it will take to achieve and sustain it. Then compare that income to your "follow your dream" job.
It is fine to follow your dreams, but know what the trade-offs are, the likely outcomes will be, and have a plan B. Start saving now and open an investment account and an education IRA. It's amazing what a few thousand wisely invested as a teen can grow to over a lifetime.
Get a Pen
3 things I wish I had known:
Figure out what you want to do....
Not what you want to learn about. Think about the actual work you'd be doing in a "field". Science is exciting but are you ready to stand around in a lab all day writing stuff down in the most thorough way possible?
You don't get rich with the money you earn, you get rich with the money you don't spend. Be careful spending money on trends and be aware of things you want to actually keep, not that you want to have right now. Also Excel is your friend, learn to budget as soon as possible.
Use every opportunity you get....
It may feel like there's always a next time but there's also no reason to not do it now. Whether it's that trip with your buddies or the chance to have a private moment with your crush. Don't wait for a perfect moment, not even a good one, use the moment you have, because you won't always get another one. And you most certainly don't want to have a "what if I did that" thing haunting you. There's always a million reasons not to do something. You only need one reason to do something.
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The adults giving you advice to avoid certain mistakes will most likely of been told the exact same thing and choose to ignore it, which would of been expected as they too ignored the advice.
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Age isn't just a number, it's a part of life. That doesn't mean we sulk about it. We can still be vibrant at all ages, but acknowledging that time is running out is just accepting fact.
There are signs everyday to remind us. For me, its the loud music. Was music always this loud? And if so, why? We all get to that moment when we feel it, the turn of an era. The old era.Redditor u/tamedreckless wanted everyone to share about the times in life so many have come upon the truth that.... the sand has run out of the hourglass by asking.... At what moment did you realize "Damn I'm old"?
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When I find myself grunting and groaning just to bend over to tie my shoes.
When I fell down at work and no one laughed. Instead three people came running over to make sure I was ok.
Edited to clarify: I'm only 36. I was walking in our break room and stepped down wrong I guess. I fell into the stove and rolled my ankle. Thank you all for the awards. Kinda weird that my most popular post is about me falling down. Let me assure all of you that I was ok after this fall and have gone on to fall down two different sets of stairs and trip over my dogs on multiple occasions.
Take me Home
When I went to a music festival and slept in a tent after five or so years of not doing so. My God. I need to get home and take a real shower.
Truth! I slept on an air mattress for the first time in years and holy hell did I ache the next day. Gone are the days I could fall asleep on cold concrete contorted like the best circus act and wake up feeling as refreshed as a spring chicken.
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My 12 yr old daughter's friend told her "the amount of times your mom has worn that outfit is ASTRONOMICAL" and when my daughter repeated it to me all my hopes of being a "cool" mom were crushed and I felt older than I ever have.
When I was in my late 20s I dated a girl who had a daughter. The daughter and I got along great, played a bunch of Katamari together, etc.
Years later, that girl and I have long since broken up. I did some volunteer teaching at one of the local alternative schools with my wife. And one of students in the film class we taught was my ex girlfriends daughter, now 18 years old.
At some point in your life, whether you have kids or not, you realize you're technically old enough to be a grandparent. And that feels very old.
When my son could outrun me.
I went obstacle course running with my oldest (6 years at that time) and he asked if we could still be doing that in 10 years. I told him I would be 50 so sure. You know what that little shit said? "Cool, I will hold back for you dad".
He is probably right but I will keep training to not make it easy for him to pass me.
I used to drive for Uber and one night I realized the college girls I picked up could have been my adult daughters.
I'm not quite that old yet; I'm 38, but the really crazy thing to think about is that you don't feel it happening AT ALL. Like, with the exception that for some reason I emit a noise when lifting something light like a box of Cokes, I literally feel exactly the way I think I remember feeling in my 20s, only now there's this number that feels like a freaking toe tag.
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Instead of growing facial hair to look older, I'm shaving it to look younger.
I saw a picture on Facebook of a friend from college and thought, damn he got fat and old. I immediately realized... I also got fat and old.
My two New Years Resolutions are: #1, get back into the shape i was before the accident; #2, stop referring to letting myself go and getting fat as "The accident."
Who am I?old man smile GIF by F*CK, THAT'S DELICIOUSGiphy
I was playing basketball alone and a bunch of kids smashed a beer bottle on the other side of the court just for fun.
I shouted at them, told them to pick up the pieces and warned them not to do that crap ever again.
They got scared shirtless and apologized. I had never felt older.
When I'm signing up for an account on a website, I have to scroll back pretty far to find my birth year now.
According to most websites I was born on January 1, 1901.
I got kicked off of an alcohol site for entering my birth year as "19" (not realizing it only allowed 2 digits). As a 30-something, i am offended that they don't think a 100 year old can use the internet!
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They played Green Day and The Offspring on the "classic rock" radio station.
papa can you hear me?
Coming around the corner of a department store and seeing my dad come around the corner at the same time.
It was a mirror.
Nobody We Know
When I see popular Reddit posts mentioning celebrities with weird, crazy names and I'm like, who the heck are these people?
This isn't just age, it's also a product of the internet era. It used to be that everyone watched the same shows on the same few channels or listened to the same few radio stations, or whatever, so everyone knew the same celebrities.
In this age where the monoculture has been shattered, everyone is watching different shows on Netflix, YouTube, etc, it's so much easier to find niches, no one knows the same set of celebrities anymore.
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I was teaching a class last week and told my audience that they may need to MacGyver a solution if they come upon a certain problem. No one knew what that meant.
Because someone asked, it was an EMT refresher course. These are the people you trust with your life!
But I'm just 16!
When my oldest daughter was in 1st grade, she brought a note home from the teacher, saying that my daughter had misbehaved. I had to sign it and send it back. My daughter was scared and tearful and it suddenly struck me: holy crap - I'm the adult here. I'm the authority figure who a little girl is scared to be in trouble with. To me, I was the same person I was when I was 16.
What am I Thinking?!
I was walking through Sheffield after work, about 7pm, around December 2013 I think. - it was f,f,f,freezing. A bunch of students rounded the corner and a couple of the girls were wearing really short dresses, no coats.
Thought 1: she must be freezing
Thought 2: that's something my dad might have said
Thought 3: I'm OLD enough to be her dad
Thought 4: why did I not think "she was fit!"
Thought 5: when the hell did I start thinking like this?
These thoughts passed through my head in what must have been only half a second.
The Little Things
Getting excited over things like a new vacuum, new water heater, or a not plastic silverware tray. Realizing the Lincoln Park album i like is 20 years old. Laughing when someone invites me out, especially if the start of the event is 9 pm.
This morning I was giddy because the Amazon driver delivered my new cushion covers and comfy slippers.
deep in thought
I was at work and had a meeting with an ex Olympic gymnast. She was stunning and had cosmetic surgery to 'enlarge her frontage' She was also wearing quite a low cut top that had metal spikes in the shoulders. All (supposedly) very distracting stuff.
My very first thought - 'I bet that jumper makes a noise in the tumble dryer!'
My second thought - 'Damn I'm old!'
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I'll add mine since it was the reason I thought to ask this question.... Last week I sneezed and it threw my back out.
Truly, it is a decade defined by improvisation.
Throughout those years, a person sits in a very peculiar sweet spot. On one hand, you are finally a full-blown adult, and you enjoy the freedoms and autonomy offered by that fact.
But you're also the most inexperienced version of adult that could possibly exist. And so you are rather clueless about the best way to live and be.
Anyone that age could use some wisdom and mentorship--someone who navigated that madhouse of a decade and recognized their successes and failures.
ReddBolt5 asked, "What should one do in their 20s to avoid regrets in 30s and 40s?"
Life is Malleable
"Always know that change is an option. Many people, myself included, start down a path and think that since I committed to that path, it's the only path for me. Don't get caught in that thought process."
"If a choice (career, location, relationship, etc) doesn't feel right down the road, know you can make a new one. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you can make it through (and likely for the better)."
Stay Above Water
"Don't get into credit card debt!" -- 8Gly8
"This sh** will ef up your life as much, if not more, than smoking or drinking or crappy eating etc."
"You can be taught how credit cards work, and it can still be hard to wrap your brain around, until it's too late." -- Go_Cart_Mozart
Knowledge is Power
"Learn how to budget. Even if it's just a simple excel or google sheets file with one column of income, and one of expenses."
"When you see everything you buy in a month next to each other, you realize where you can save money pretty well."
Take Care of That Outer Layer
"Sunscreen" -- greatredwoodofawhore
"long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists." -- radiogrill
"And don't go to tanning beds" -- raketheleavespls
In Their Prime
"Go see your favorite musical acts when they are young, together, and /or alive. and not selling out to fu** you price arena tours." -- classicsat
"I'll take this one further and say to just go see as much live music as possible."
"I don't regret any of the concerts I've been to in my life, but there are a bunch I regret NOT going to." -- ghettomagicrooster
YOU are the Only Constant
"Learn how to be independently happy" -- PGMG17
"I wish someone could have screamed this in my face with a megaphone whenever I was about to do something codependently stupid in my 20s and early 30s, lol." -- sulesko
"Make sure that if you have a relationship with someone you actually nail down the long term goals and agree on them... Like kids? How exactly will that work? Marriage?"
"Find your deal breakers and take them seriously... From 20-30 the time really flies and you don't want to miss it."
Go Where You're Good
"When choosing your job/profession/career, ignore the horrible life advice to 'follow your passion.' Instead, you should follow your aptitude."
"Identify what you are good at, find a way to use it to bring value to others, work like crazy to do that."
"The happiness/meaning/life-satisfaction will come as a result of being able to build a good life for yourself and those you care about."
Before Leaping Gets Harder
"If you yearn for adventure, go now. You are young, your body is strong, and your obligations are few. Go now."
"It's so much easier to drop everything in your life for a 6-month hiking trip and then slide back into regular life when you're 25 than when you're 35." -- LowCalPal
"I am grateful for everything I have but I wish I would have realized that there was another option to the regular old 9-to-5. I'm 43 now and physically limited due to an auto accident."
"You never know what life has in store so enjoy it to the fullest while you can." -- babyhaby
"Invest in yourself by making healthy choices both physically and financially" -- Kaste90
"Included in this: learn to cook." -- raketheleavespls
"So hard to do since people have a hard time showing any empathy for their future self." -- 5yn3rgy