Redditor Frero_s wanted to discuss all the lessons they learned from the people they dated in the beginning, so they asked:
"What did you learn from your first relationship?"
My first love taught me to watch out for love.
Next to Godliness
snow white cleaning GIFGiphy"Compatibility with household cleanliness and organization habits is far more important than you think. Relationships where one partner cares a lot more about the household than the other will result in both parties resenting each other."
EdgyGoose
Firsts
“'When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.' -Maya Angelou, several years after I learned that lesson the hard way, but I could never phrase it better."
"Going hand in hand with that, you can’t fix someone else, especially someone who’s given up on themselves. You can only put that kind of energy and effort into yourself and expect to see returns. That one took me a couple or three ill-advised relationships, truthfully."
Some_Specialist_5052
The One
"You're going to get your heart broken sometimes. That my friends is life."
MrDadBod
"I prefer to think that most relationships will end, but that doesn’t make them failures. You can learn things and grow as a person in many relationships, even ones that end poorly."
"You can make mistakes by staying in them too long, ending them too soon, treating your partner badly, or allowing yourself to be treated badly, but calling them failures is such a limited perspective. Most people that find 'the one' probably would have 'failed' in that relationship if they had no prior relationships to learn from."
whomeverwiz
Not Enough
"It's not enough to love someone; the way that love is expressed matters a lot. For a great relationship, you have to love your partner in the way they need to be loved."
NoodleWeird
"And this takes practice too! Patience at the beginning of a relationship is important. Don't just assume you know each other from the inside out in the beginning, and take time to understand where each person is coming from."
ChimkenFinger
"That's the principle of the Five Love Languages. Do and say the things of the love language your partner most connects to."
LucidWebMarketing
Let it Go
let it go GIFGiphy"That some people aren’t meant for you. Don’t wait for them to be somebody they aren’t and don’t try to change them to fit what you want them to be."
Elegant-Vehicle7314
The only change we can focus on is our own.
As a couple, it's about changing together.
Otherwise move on.
Lies
Three Little Pigs Wow GIF by LaffGiphy"Sometimes the words 'I love you' don’t actually mean much when the person saying them doesn’t believe in those words anymore."
GodofWar1234
Perfect
"Well, I didn't have my first relationship until I was 30 which ended up in marriage and eventually divorce. The biggest lesson I took from it was that waiting for that 'perfect' person was a complete waste of time. I had a very difficult time dating when I was younger. I put too much pressure on each date for it to be something special."
"The marriage taught me that I could actually be desirable and gave me confidence going forward. The divorce, on the other hand, made me a much more guarded and uncaring person. Turns out the uncaring part made it easier to go on dates (less anxiety) but harder for them to mean anything later on."
Boromn
Thank you, Katie...
"Make your own decisions about what you want out of life your instead of those that line up with what she wants out of her life."
"Almost followed a girl to Portland, OR, and took a job I didn't really want because I wanted to make 'us' work. So happy she cared enough about me to end things and tell me to find my own path. A wife, a successful military career, and a bunch of kids later, I'm eternally grateful things turned out the way they did. Thank you, Katie."
thethrillamanila
Want better for YOU!
"To never chase or beg anyone to stay."
DarlinggD
"My first gf broke up with me over text right after she had left my place, walked her home even though we were both upset at each other. She refused to talk about it in person and then got mad at me for not fighting to keep her. I think I dodged a bullet because I don't think any relationship will work if one party refuses to communicate, uses breaking up to try to manipulate, or breaks up over text. All 3 in this case."
LumberWand
Under Pressure
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Someone can be a really good friend, doesn’t mean they’ll be a good partner. Also not to give in to pressure from your partner on things you believe in."
Rebel_0518
See your worth
"Apparently I get too attached which is odd to me cause I’m just trying to care and I suppose it comes off in a weird way. I’m not gonna stop 'cause I know someone will see my worth and appreciate every second of it when they find me."
Odd_Imagination_6617
"Please don’t ever stop caring. There are enough emotionally detached people in the world; so much so that they’ll have you feeling like you’re the oddball."
Queasy_Thought_6532
Big lessons here.
Relationships take way more than love.
Learn it young.
Redditor h-gotfred wanted to hear from the over 50 crowd, so they asked:
"To you Redditors aged 50+, what's something you genuinely believe young people haven't realized yet, but could enrich their lives or positively impact their outlook on life?"
There is so much to know about life.
And we have to age to learn it.
So let's chat...
Be Happy
just married love GIFGiphy"Marriage/relationships should be fun, and happy. Life is hard, things get tough. Find someone that makes the tough times easier, not harder."
Inevitable-Mine6466
"Piggybacking off this and saying, even the happiest marriages get into arguments. It's not a reason to leave."
J3sush8sm3
Battles...
"Not everything that you disagree with deserves an argument. Pick your battles and let trivial things slide."
hail2theKingbabee
"To echo this: Not everyone you disagree with is 'wrong.' They are simply operating with different information. You can disagree with someone on an issue and still value the person. Don't let one issue define your entire relationship with another person."
A_Socratic_Argument
The End
"If you die, your employer will have your job posted before you are buried. Remember that when making work/life choices."
Justin9314
"I started my career at corporate headquarters for a large insurance company. I was doing GREAT, but I just didn’t like the industry. I applied for a job at a major university and someone took a chance on me and gave me the position (transitioning from for-profit to non-profit is notoriously hard)."
"I made less money over the course of my career certainly but I wasn’t on poverty wages by any means. But I remember about 5 years in, one of my old VPs was in town and we got together. His comment was 'We miss you, but you look so much happier, the psychic income is showing.' Insightful guy."
Reynyan
The Truth
"2 things I will be eternally grateful to my grandfather for instilling in me..."
"Failure is not an end state unless it is where you choose to stop. He loved to quote that line by Churchill whenever something didn't work out for me, Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Honesty is the most powerful tool you can use to define yourself. Admit your mistake, frankly and honestly. The truth always comes out in the end no matter how big or small and it doesn't get better with age. You can give back something you steal, and you can help those you hurt but once they brand you a liar, it's all you will ever be."
iskandar-
Be Quiet
Golden Girls Rose GIF by TV LandGiphy"Unless you don't mind hearing EEEEEEEEEEEE like all the time day and night, use hearing protection in loud situations. Tinnitus is a bi*ch."
revnhoj
Take care of your ears.
One of life's greatest lessons!!!
Live by the Moon
bart simpson maggie GIFGiphy"Wear sunscreen."
nilecrane
"I just had a quick look at my 50-year-old upper chest, frequently exposed to the sun in my youth, and compared it to my 50-year-old belly, which has always been clothed and covered (I have never liked two-piece swimsuits). What a difference!"
HootieRocker59
Passions
"Take a genuine interest in what other people have to say, ask them follow-up questions about their passions in life. Don’t just talk about yourself, or wait for your turn to talk. That’s how you have a conversation, and build a relationship."
MayIServeYouWell
"Sometimes you gotta be careful with that. Pay attention if the other person is doing that too, it's important for you to share about your life. It can be kind of lonely when you know so much about your friends, but they don't know about you."
jacarelunar
Practice makes Perfect
"Every skill takes determined practice to master. I see my young friends/relatives try and give up on so many things because 'they weren't very good at it.' If you keep doing that, you'll never be very good at anything."
EarhornJonesI
"I love cooking - and find it easy and relaxing. I have hit a point where I can make several dishes that I can honestly say are far superior to what I could get at a restaurant. I love delighting my family and friends with what I cook."
"But the truth is - I've prepared thousands of dishes. I've practiced for 40+ years. I have f**ked up every single type of food there is at least once. I've burnt things. I've undercooked chicken. I failed to emulsify things that should have been emulsified. I forgot to set the timer. I've added too much salt. I chopped when I should have torn. I did all of the wrong things at some point. And because of all of these things, I can walk into any kitchen and make something delicious."
NewSummerOrange
63
"I’d say invest in your health by regularly exercising. My wife got me into running when we were in our twenties, and it has been a big part of our lives ever since (I’m 63). Nothing crazy, no marathons, we don’t time ourselves or follow a strict training plan, we just pick a route, go at our own pace, and have fun. We still go 3-4 miles, 3-4x per week."
"I also started working out at the gym 3x a week with free weights in my 30s, and have been doing it ever since. I’m no Schwarzenegger, believe me, but I can still work around the house, move furniture, shovel snow and have fun tossing a ball around with the kids without injuring or exhausting myself. Between aerobic fitness and weights, I’ve been able to stay remarkably healthy my entire adult life, knock on wood. It’s also been great for my mental health and managing stress."
"You don’t have to go nuts and set unreasonably strict requirements for exercise goals or diet that a normal person can’t possibly maintain - just do the best you can, make exercising a few times per week a habit, eat a reasonable diet (avoid fried stuff, eat fruit and veggies, lay off the sweets), and 40 years later you’ll really thank yourself, believe me!"
lanky_planky
Plan Ahead
Make It Rain Money GIF by yvngswagGiphy"Debt can really ruin your life. If you want to take on a lot of it, make sure you have a good plan and run it by a lot of smart people first."
vanityklaw
Debt. Everyone should learn about avoiding debt as early as possible.
This whole list should be taught in Universities.
Redditor dwightanddilbert wanted to discuss and dig into the truth about how we've been duped on matters of the heart and lust, so they asked:
"What’s the biggest lie pop culture taught us about sex and romance?"
I learned long ago to give up on the movie love dream. But they're still fun to watch.
Being Real
bad romance....Giphy"That love is easy and relationships will have romance just fall into your lap if it's meant to be. Real life is not a movie and it gives people a very wrong image of what a healthy relationship looks like."
trevmc1
Happily Now...
"That there is a point you reach where you get your Happily Ever After. Then you just get to coast. That's not how relationships work - it's not the moment he tells you at the NYE party how he loves that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out or when you get married in a big ballgown."
"It's all the little moments, the everyday caring, the small affections and the avoidances of trust pitfalls. They add up to a Happily Now. But there's not a point you can hang your hat up and say, 'Okay. I got this marriage thing sorted out. Now I get to do whatever I want.'"
Carl__Gordon_Jenkins
“What about sleep?!?!”
"That we’re supposed to have long sex sessions. Honestly a good 15-20 mins is pretty good for me."
ItsMeThereHair
"When I was 20ish I was in a car with a few coworkers. A couple of them got to talking about longest active session. The girl was 18 hours and the guy said 24 hours."
"All I could think was 'what about sleep?!?!' ( I’ve always loved sleeping). At the time I was with my now hubby and back then we were more the under 5 minute get the job done types. Now we appreciate longer sessions but I’m ready to tap out at 20 minutes. If we get to 45, he’s out of luck."
Environmental-Car481
Know the Difference
"Persistence usually isn't romantic. It's usually creepy."
Pissed_Off_Pacifist
"Yep, thanks for mentioning it. I wasted many, many years pursuing that one guy I thought was the one. His friends liked me. He made compliments on my looks and on my skills. Everything seemed promising, so why didn't it turn out the way I wanted?"
"Well, surprisingly, some people just aren't romantically interested in you, no matter how much work you put into it. So easy to understand, but so hard to accept. Neither my stubbornness nor a miracle could turn the friendship we had into a relationship. Plus, I must've seemed desperate, which is unattractive as hell."
"It's okay to take your time, but it's also necessary to know when move on. Really just better for everyone."
OneGhastlyGhoul
Shut Up!
Disney Wedding GIFGiphy"For the love of God, DO NOT interrupt a wedding. It will not go how you think it will."
dcbluestar
"As a joke at our friend's wedding some girl stood up and said wait. Literally every head turned around so fast and although it was known to the bride and groom as a joke I think everyone was thinking wtf and she was about as red as a tomato."
Kyell
The drama queen in me knows it would be wrong, but who wouldn't love to witness a wedding interruption?!?!
Magic
Anne Hathaway Actors On Actors GIF by PBS SoCalGiphy"If you just take off your glasses and put your hair down, you'll be Anne Hathaway."
Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Gross Truth
"That there's no such thing as clean up afterwards. Everyone just has a slight, post-coital, glisten and that's about as far as it goes. No awkward wet waddle. No wet spot on the mattress that gets cold way too quickly so you both bend your bodies around it so you can still snuggle without touching it."
"No sex towel that probably should've been washed about two weeks ago and is getting to the point where it might make a worthy substitute for a crowbar with how stiff it is."
"Oh, and if you do it in a horror movie, you're 100% gonna die."
ACalcifiedHeart
Calm Down
"That sex always has to be very serious and profound. And I don't mean serious as in commitment, but as in how we behave. Some of the best sex I have ever had has involved cracking jokes."
Needydadthrowaway
"Or sleepy sex where the nights too late but you both just want to crank it out and sleep."
hogtiedcantalope
It can work...
"Opposites attract."
chingudo
"This is actually really untrue. While it is possible, and also, in my opinion, really rare for opposites to attract, they definitely do not a majority of the time. We tend to fall for people who are like-minded to us. People who have similar values, morals, thoughts, etc... to us."
AwesomeKitty6842
"So I married an opposite. Has not been easy but I think has been really good for both of us overall. That being said if it ever fell apart I would 100% look for someone more like me. Everything, and I mean everything, is a lot of work and requires so much communication between us."
notgreatnotbadsoso
Get a Chance
Brendon Urie Flirt GIF by Panic! At The DiscoGiphy"Two extremes:"
"1- If you're a stalker, they'll eventually give you a chance."
"2- If you're the nice guy/the best friend, they'll eventually give you a chance."
"#2 messed me up for a very long time."
plasma_dan
Lesson learned. Never trust the love stories in pop culture.
And fairytales lie!!
