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Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex

"Reddit user ella-es-julia asked: 'Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex'"

People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.

Maybe it's the euphoria.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Maybe it's the tequila.

It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.

Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.

Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:

"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"

The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"

Geography matters.

Morbid Much?

In Bed Home GIFGiphy

"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."



"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."


"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."

"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"

"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."



"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"

"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."


"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."

"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."


Damn it's Good

"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"

"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."

"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."


A Binding Contract

"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."

"Still together 5 years later!"


It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.

And it all starts with a handshake.

Sleep on It

“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"


"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."


"This is the best one."


Tiny Dancer

"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."


"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."



"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"

"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."


"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”



"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"

"I married her, we still goin' at it."


Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.

The Absolute Worst Ways To Leave A 9-To-5 Job

Reddit user Nikhil_88 asked: 'What could be the worst way to leave a 9-5 job?'

Man in suit walking down the street with two bags
Photo by Romain V on Unsplash

We've all worked in jobs that have left us feeling a little less than fulfilled.

Where we spent more time at our desks or in our cubicles contemplating the best way to leave this job, rather than focusing on our work.

Of course, many people never actually go through with these fantasies, choosing instead to stay the course and suck it up for the paycheck.

Others, however, eventually come to decide enough is enough, and say sayonara to their soul-sucking jobs.

Sometimes, in a manner which is anything but dignified.

Redditor Nikhil_88 was curious to hear what people thought were the absolute worst ways to leave a job, leading them to ask:

"What could be the worst way to leave a 9-5 job?"

Alive Is Always Ideal...

"In an ambulance because you’re having a heart attack."- Amishoutkast

"In a coroners van."- _Daryl_Dixon_

Know Your Worth

"Without being paid."- a_jar_of_happiness

2 Chainz Pockets GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy

Not A Minute Too Soon...

"At 5:01."

"I enjoy my family time and don't get paid OT."- thatguy32503

Timing Is Everything

"One day before being eligible for a pension or large financial payout."- TheDadThatGrills

"At 5 and have to be back the next morning at 9."- Olorin919

See You Tomorrow GIF by South ParkGiphy

"Family Guy style, "… and there's a poo on your desk"- roastedjam

"Diarrhea dripping on your legs."

"Huhuhu just please not this one."- sempaisempaisem

Happy Poop GIFGiphy

Ending On A High Note Always Pays Off

"Maybe not the worst.....but the way I did it."

"Having a massive panic attack and meltdown, crying uncontrollably, and finally just getting in my car and driving home."

"It was NOT unprovoked."

"Nevertheless, I wish I had been able to handle it in a calmer manner."

"But I have PTSD and I don't always get to react the way I wish I could."- clumpypasta

"Maybe burn down the building."- DirectorLow7023

cinemagraph GIFGiphy

Not The Legacy You Want To Leave

"In handcuffs?"- EnigmaCA

Stay Classy

“'F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you, you’re cool, and f*ck you I’m out'.”- BrodaciousD

"Tell your boss to go f*ck him/her self then leave the premises (I have done this)."- darkheartshadows

Angry Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

When you can actually start to feel your soul being sucked out of you, then it's probably time to move on.

Whenever that time comes, it is always a good idea to take the high road.

Or at least save the vitriol for the exit interview.

People Break Down The Worst Way Someone Ever Asked Them To Leave After A Hookup
Photo by Maru Lombardo on Unsplash

There are humane ways to tell someone to go home after a... liaison.

How can one be so rude after being so intimate?

I'm not saying you have to snuggle and profess love, but damn, a quick... "thanks, I hope life is kind to you" goes a long way.

Redditor sumyungdoodwanted to hear the tea about the times they had to tell a lover to take a hike. They asked:

"What is the worst way someones asked you to leave after sex?"
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Easy to enter, difficult to leave. Once you are in, you are in. And getting out isn't going to be the cakewalk that you want it to be. You are gonna have to do some work to get yourself away.

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