Reddit user MirrorFunhouse asked:
"What's an insult that's been thrown at you (or you heard toward someone else) that you actually admired or just made you laugh?"
So many insults to choose from...
"You look like someone who would pre-heat the microwave."
~ triggamon
GiphySome are one-liners.
"It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others."
~ triggamon
Others require a little set up.
"My best friend and I were roasting each other.
"Me: 'What are you going to say to me that my parents haven't already said?'"
"Her: 'I'm proud of you'."
~ Normal-Kangaroo9209
"It’s not worth insulting you as nature has already done enough damage."
~ triggamon
"Heard one of my sister’s bullies call her fat and mock her weight at school."
"She just yelled back 'B*tch you’re the f'king ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, I can lose weight, what the f'k are you going to do about that face?'”
~ ViciousFlowers
“You’ve got two brain cells left and they’re competing for third place”
~ kirbyourenthuasiam
"I like 'you only have two brain cells, but one of them is lost and the other went looking for it'."
~ MurderousButterfly
"Or 'you only have two brain cells left, and they're each trying to bum a smoke off the other'."
~ The_Lab_Rat_
"You are living proof that the education system needs better funding."
~ triggamon
“You’re as smart as you look.”
~ triggamon
"Random dude online told me to go back to Mexico when I made a joke about the US medical insurance costs."
"I corrected him saying I was Canadian, and he replied with 'stfu, you're just a snow Mexican then'."
"For some reason I just immediately imagined a dude removing snow off his car while wearing a sombrero and laughed for a good 3 minutes."
~ PleasingPotato
"Que pasa, eh?"
~ VolatileUtopian
"As a Canadian living in Texas, my stepdad would call us icebacks."
~ Dudhist
"You're intellectually on the ground already and what do you do?"
"Begin to dig."
~ triggamon
Self owns are rife with opportunities.
"My friend got in a heated argument with her son (nothing new, they’re both hot-tempered) and she called him a son-of-a-b*tch and he said 'that’s right, I am!!' And they both cracked up laughing."
~ Sola_Bay
"My cousin jokingly called her teenage son a son-of-a-b*tch and I laughed and said 'You just called yourself a b*tch!' and then she told me to f'k off. It was great!"
~ Damn_Dog_Inappropes
"My friend once had the same thing happen and shouted back: 'At least we can agree on something, MOM!' His mom was pissed as soon as she figured it out a hot second later, but his dad tried his hardest to keep a straight face."
~ Lord-Redbeard
The Simpsons Eating GIF"I envy people that didn't get to know you."
~ triggamon
"In elementary a kid once shouted at me 'you're so weird, you probably were able to read the paper when you were THREE YEARS OLD!!'."
"Basically he called me 'smart' to my face."
~ kuunwiir
"Unintentional compliments are the best. You know they aren’t lying because they tried to insult you."
"My brother said to me ‘you look 16 at age 20' and I was like 'OMG THANKS'."
~ Easy_Set4108
"You're not the dumbest person on Earth, but if I were you I'd hope that person doesn't die soon."
~ triggamon
"In my early teens I told a good friend of mine (roughly translated) 'Dude, you're like the king of all dumba**es!'."
"Without missing a beat he asked 'Shouldn't you obey me, then?'."
"At that point I had to admit I had indeed gotten got. It's been over 20 years and it still burns a bit."
~ Celphii
"I'd explain it to you in a way even you'd understand, but I have neither the time nor the crayons."
~ triggamon
Giphy"Your self-confidence contradicts your expertise."
~ triggamon
"My friend and I were at a place known for its clubs and drinking spots. We were waiting for our car when a man was hitting on us and inviting us to drink."
"Dude told us he's 47 and without hesitation, I asked 'Oh, so are you here with your kids?'."
"My friend was holding in a laugh while I was just clueless why, then I realized I pretty much called him an oldie."
~ kwirinkyy
"Some tree is woking its a** off to produce the oxygen you're consuming."
"You owe that tree an apology."
~ triggamon
Giphy"I had a Mexican girlfriend who was self-conscious about her bad grammar in English. She got into an argument with another girl in English."
"She suddenly turns to me and points at the other girl and says, 'she is a little b*tch', then just jumps back into the argument. I found it a bit odd, but whatever."
"Afterward I ask her were you trying to bring me into the argument by telling me she was a little b*tch? She said 'no, I just wanted to call her a little b*tch and wasn't sure if it was, you are a little b*tch or you is a little b*tch. I knew she is a little b*tch was correct so I said that, but I couldn't say that to her, so I just said it to you'."
"The delivery carried some weight, and there were many subtle elements, although unintentional. There was uninvolved 3rd party verification, and it felt like she was undermining her that she was such a little b*tch that she didn't even bother directly telling her."
"It was very effective. The other girl was visually dissed."
~ MoneyShotMalone
"My expectations towards you were low and what do you do?"
"The limbo."
~ triggamon
limbo belt GIFGiphySo do you have a favorite comeback?
If not, you have some to choose from now.
"What is the greatest comeback to an insult you’ve ever heard?"
Yo Mamma!
"My best friend: After an argument with some kid from our school in a shop we began walking away down the street..."
"Kid: 'where you going?'"
"Friend: 'your moms house'."
"Kid: 'my mom lives the other way idiot'."
"Friend: 'Nah, i meant your real mom'.”- FourShott
Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job!
"Air Traffic Control doing a poor job of vectoring an Airbus A330 in for landing."
"Pilot: 'You've left us too high, I don't think we can make the approach'."
"ATC: "You've got speedbreaks on that thing, don't you?'"
"Pilot: (After a noticeable pause) 'Yes, but those are for my mistakes, not yours'."- DerpDishPizza
If You Can't Take Heat...
"A friend in high school on our way to a track meet."
"He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice."
"When this dbag saw him."
"Dbag: 'Why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?'”
"My friend: 'The same reason you watch porn'.”
"The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard."- RedIguanaLeader
Cute Gif Reaction GIFGiphyThe Only Thing Worse Than People Talking About You?...
"A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine."
"That people are talking behind his back."
"In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: 'Well you know what the say about you?'"
"'Nothing, nobody f*cking cares'.“ Reddit
Seriously, Mind Your Own Business
"So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own business and says: you go to hell too!"
"My sister: do you want me to say anything to your mom?" - Reddit
Take It Like A Real Man!
"It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me."
"Hudson: 'Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?'"
"Vasquez: 'No, have you?'"- Mike-Drop
James Cameron Aliens GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphyWhen You Get The Teacher In Stitches...
"English class in Middle School."
"Kid A - 'yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night'."
"'Must feel like sh*t having a mom that works at McDonalds'."
"Kid B- 'at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work'."
"English teacher far louder than he realized 'DAYUM!'."
"The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on."- Nutella_Zamboni
Living Up To His Reputation
"Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace)."
"JO: 'And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you?'."
"SH: 'There may even be a universe where you are funny'."- bugfish03
When They Go Low, You Go High!
"Overheard by me, the school bus driver."
"One fifth grade student was belittling a first grader."
"When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, 'Congratulations!'"
"The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus."- emzirek
Jeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James CordenGiphyLogical...
"Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa."
"Joe: 'I guess your long hair makes you a woman'."
"FZ: 'I guess your wooden leg makes you a table'." Reddit
Keep It Simple
"You're doodoo."
"My friend's answer."- Kazuhiko101
Wonder Why This Didn't Work Out...
"Ok so just to set the scene a bit."
"When I was with my ex, we both had very different attitudes to time-keeping and work."
"I am a self-employed, dyslexic with A.D.D who at the time worked in the live music industry so I had to always be very punctual and organized."
"My partner at the time was an english literature student, who was maybe the most disorganized person I had met."
"My ex would lose 3 or 4 phones a year, got fired from jobs every few months because they always turned up late and had to repeat a semester of uni because my ex didn't do enough work and/or wouldn't turn up some times."
"In a nutshell my ex was late for everything all the time."
"Despite all this my ex was always annoyed at me for leaving home early to go to work and always turning up on time because I was too punctual according to them."
"As if this is a bad thing."
"You can now see why we are not together any more."
"So one day, and this is probably due to my dyslexia, A.D.D and the fact that I am aware of it, I leave my ex's apartment early to go to work on Tuesday."
"When I get to work I realize that I've made a mistake and I've mixed up Tuesday with Thursday."
"Feeling a bit silly I phone my partner at the time and tell them I've mixed my days up and can come back to their apartment."
"We laugh it off as a stupid mistake but my ex see's it as me being so punctual that I turn up to work two days early."
"Now that I've explained the back story."
"My ex thinks it's a good time to bring it up again in the pub with myself all their pals."
"This is how it goes."
"My ex: 'omg you'll never guess what'."
"My ex's pals: 'What?'"
"My ex: 'So my partner takes their job so seriously and is so punctual that they turned up to work two days early. They turned up on Tuesday when they were supposed to work on Thursday Hahahahah."
"My ex's pals and myself: Hahahahahaha'."
"Myself: Yeah my partner is so late for everything that they had to repeat a semester of university!!! HAHAHAHAH'."
"My ex's pals: 'HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHA!'"
"My ex: 'I don't find this funny'."
"Myself: 'I do'."
"Still makes my chuckle to this day."
"We split up a few years later."
"Took them 2 months to clear their stuff out."- surfinbear1990
Not Funny GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphySibling Rivalry...
"My older brother was getting messed with by our older sister holding her baby and saying."
"'So, how you and your Ex doing?'"
"They broke up several weeks ago."
"'You gonna get back together? You gonna say you miss her and want her? You want send her some kisses?'"
"Something along those lines."
"The usual sibling kind of messing around."
"So as the little brother I step in and say."
"'Oh is that how you and your boyfriend got back together?'"
"My older sis stays silent while my bro laughs and I kill both of them as follow up and say 'now we have our niece'."- Shadow_Storm21
Divine Intervention
"So my boyfriend's dad is a priest and my boyfriend's big brother got bullied for that by another guy who said 'my dad is much cooler than yours' and stuff like that ."
"So my boyfriend's brother said back 'your dad is probably cooler than mine but my dad can bury your dad and get paid for it'."- Lill_Amalie
happy grumpy cat GIFGiphyDon't Touch The Hair!
"I have really curly hair."
"Genetics from my father."
"My father lost his hair years ago so basically he’s bald."
"And whenever I wake up in the morning, my hair is literally in the air."
"Not kidding, it either looks like an Eiffel Tower or I look like Chewbacca."
"Because of COVID-19 my father is stuck in another country."
"Here’s how one of our conversations went one morning after I woke up."
"My father: 'Be careful [my name] your hair might get stuck in the fan."
"Hahaha."
"Me: 'You don’t have any fans nor any hair! Ahah!'"
"I still find it funny thinking my 9yr old brain to reply like that."- Myra_Akido2020
Petty Threats
"This happened between friends, but it was still hilarious."
" Friend 1 'Shut up or I'll egg your house'."
"Friend 2: 'You can't even afford eggs'."- JoeyBad_SaladTour
It's sad when people have nothing better to do than belittle others.
Making it hard to feel that they get just what they deserve when someone school's them with a clever comeback.
Hopefully teaching them to use their time a bit more wisely going forward.
I love me some shade. I love throwing it and hearing it. Tell me more...
Ouch
shade GIF by WE tvGiphy“'I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.'”
YourUncleBenny69
Duh
"'You aren't the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don't die.'"
needs_grammarly
"This is the most brutal one."
MeasurementAwkward89
"Guess this means I gotta protect you at all costs."
5irJeff
Get it?
"One I use in retail occasionally... I can explain this to you but I can't understand it for you."
TAaccountfor2021
"As a fellow retail manager, I feel that in my bones. I manage a large gun store, so I deal with a lot of idiots (frightening, I know)."
"There are times when people try to argue with me about things that involve federal law, and get mad at me when I won’t commit willful violations of said federal law that could cost the store its license to lawfully do business. I usually will end things with, 'I’m sorry you feel that way, because it means that we can no longer do business. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for elsewhere.'"
Congrats?
"You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy."
JJISHERE4U
"A participation trophy is a trophy given to someone in a contest who didn't actually win anything but would have been butthurt if they came away empty-handed."
dhaerlkl
Gene Kelly Envy GIF by filmeditorI am LIVING for all of these!
Need a bag?
ugly donald glover GIFGiphy“'You have a great face for radio.'”
YourUncleBenny69
"And you have a great voice for silence."
Supersaiajinblue
Apologies
"You've got two brain cells, and they're both fighting for third place. Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology. Apparently the second one is a line from House MD. Giving credit where it's due."
FlashpointJ24
"I've always liked 'Intellectually unfortunate.'"
AngriestManinWestTX
So Good
"'I don't care what the others say, I think you're great.'"
sewn_of_a_gun
"'I don't know why so many people don't like you.'"
ABobby077
"I actually saw someone say this to another person at work. It doesn't help that most people at our work really don't like the guy."
LOTRfreak101
Look Away
"'I wouldn't want to be your mirror.'"
lilgreen13789
"'I still wouldn't bother to look at you.'"
Supersaiajinblue
Oh my...
Shade Be Quiet GIF by THE TRIXIE & KATYA SHOWGiphy"'You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.'"
sparklingshanaya
My Lord. Y'all people are scandalous.
People Confess The Most Soul-Crushing Thing Someone's Ever Said To Them
It's a fact of life that people can be brutal. Whether it's because a person is downright cruel or because he or she is drunk or angry, they can say some awful things.
My Indian aunt once mistakenly thought a cousin of mine was my daughter and told me American teenagers were trashy and stupid. I don't talk to that aunt anymore...
There is never an excuse to be that cruel, but that doesn't stop people from behaving that way.
Curious about this, Redditor Brilliant-End9428 asked:
No Excuse For Cruelty
"Mum's (59) boyfriend got mega drunk a few weeks back, told her that he was "only with her because he pitied her""
"Drunk or not, she wasn't having that. Back to being single."
– astrielx
Worst SIL Ever
"My sister-in-law was joking about how there aren't any male children that will "carry on the family name" when she knows full well that I lost my son at birth."
– otherm0ther
Wrong Reason To Have A Child
""You were our last attempt to save the marriage""
"Thanks, mom. Glad to know I was a failure straight out of the gate."
– Papa_Smurf87
Their Loss
""You're too ugly to buy ice cream from." - Some b**ch to me @ 15"
– Dividebynegativezero
Undeserving Of Being A Father
"When I was 11 my father (who I hadn't seen in 5 years b/c of divorce) showed up at a family Christmas and calmly asked me to not call him 'dad' b/c his new kids didn't know I existed."
– marshfield00
Grandmas Shouldn't Have Favorites
"I was 7 or 8 and I told my grandmother I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. She told me I would never be smart enough and that I'd be lucky to one day be my cousin's house cleaner."
"My cousin was her favorite grandchild."
"I'm 32 and I still remember it so vividly."
– Jackie_13
ATM
"I hope you realize I'm only using you for your money"
--warlordwinters
No Good Reason For Saying This
"My grandmother and grandfather told 7yr old me if my mom kills herself and my dad dies in Afghanistan they would rather see me rot on the streets than taking me in"
– sugarhornyicetea
How Did She Keep Her Job?
"not to me, but to three of my friends in middle school. i attended a semi high-end school, and you would expect that the school counselor would be pretty good. hell no."
"the first friend reported a table of boys, with names, that were joking around and casually using racist and sexist slurs. she had VIDEO EVIDENCE, with clear audio of the boys saying those things. the counselor said “there’s nothing i can do about that.”"
"second friend was being sexually harassed by some boys. they were grabbing her shoulders and arms, making inappropriate jokes, completely violating her personal space, and generally making her very uncomfortable. the school counselor responded with the most horrible thing i think i’ve heard. “boys will be boys.”"
"third friend (not exactly a full friend but i knew her through my other friend) sent a LITERAL SUICIDE NOTE to my friend, saying she planned to kill herself by jumping in front of the school bus on its way to pick her up. he freaked out (they’re very close friends) and immediately told his mom, who notified the school counselor, and did all the necessary things. my friend ended up convincing her not to do it, and she was obviously sent to the counselor the next day. two times, and then she didn’t visit again (not by her choice, but by the counselor’s), and my friend gave her more counseling than the professional counselor ever did. we were almost dealing with a suicide, and she didn’t even care."
"i wish i would have reported her to the school board. she was so insensitive and fucking sucked."
– AA4AAAAA
Mountain Out Of A Molehill
"I was driving on the highway the other day and there was a really sharp exit. I apparently cut someone off even after properly signaling and moving to the lane to turn right. They followed me into the parking lot and as I got out of my car they said “you piece of sh*t, you asshole, you deserve every bad thing that’s going to come to you and you deserve to die”. Afterwards, they stormed off."
– KPenguinM
Ignorance At Its Best
"That I am carrying the balck plague because I have asthma... middle school was something else"
– Maximum_Calendar_791
Scarring
"When I was 9 ish, take or lose a year, I was flying to see my family as an unaccompanied minor, meaning I was flying alone. I had done it before, totally not a big deal, but this guy was on the plane while I was getting in. A big man in a suit with a clipboard. He said “wow, you’re a pretty girl! You could be a model! … well, maybe after some plastic surgery.” That comment has never left me."
– TheWolf122
Eeeew!
"Working in retail I have heard some stuff come out of people's mouth but the 1 that stands out is from an elderly man commenting to me about some good looking ladies walking around the shop and he says to me "hey she's nice isn't she?" I said "she's looks young like underage young" and he replied "well young skin will stretch" I was just shocked at what he said as he walked off."
– ChosenSean91
How Rude!
"I have a long list, but when my mother told my boyfriends mom “that I would be a perfect housewife.” This was when I tried to go to college."
– Ok-Mission-2440
Favoritism Is Disgusting
"Had a great great aunt who lived through the Great Depression (she was muy old). At Christmas she would give presents and it was clear she would give gifts based on how much she liked you or not."
"Oldest brother got a nice scarf and hat, I got a decent hat and my other brother got a 10 year old calendar with a coffee stain on it. She really didn’t like him. He tried to be nice to her and the one day said hello to her and she replied with “where’s the one I love?” in reference to my oldest brother."
"She was a rotten old bag."
– PoppaUU
Someone Is Emotionally Stunted
"At my father's funeral. I was 18. Me and my family were at the front row of the room, nearest to the casket, so from behind people couldnt see our faces. After the ceremony, I can't remember exactly who it was, probably an uncle, told me how strong and 'a man' I was for not crying."
"I did cry, of course I did. I guess he didn't see me cry. I didn't really register it at the time, said "thanks" and didn't think much about it."
"Years later I realized how messed up that was. Who goes to someone after they lost a family member and expects them to not cry? To give compliments if they didn't show emotions? To not care enough to shed a tear? Why shouldn't I cry at my dad's funeral? What the f*ck???"
– Pea-Nut2
No Words
"when I was 10 a girl came up to me and said "you're very veiny, can I pop one?" I dont know what the fck she was meaning by 'pop' one but I never talked to her again."
– Deleted User
Joke's On Him
"Not me but my choir teacher."
"When he was in the 12 grade his band teacher said to him the he was "worthless and that he would grow up to be a failure""
"That teacher was wrong, cuz my choir teacher had been teaching band and choir for over 20 years and he's pretty good at it."
– Deleted User
That's Not How It Works
"Just dont be depressed. Like bro..."
– SpeakablePerson
No matter who it was that said something that cruel to you, know that you deserve better (and that it might be time to cut someone out of your life).