Redditor Fyre-Bringer asked:
"What's worse than stepping on a LEGO?"
Dr. Scholl's
"Dr. Scholl's wooden sandals we all wore back in the day, every so often the wooden sole would slip to the side so the tenderest, nerve-filled part of your foot would come down on the edge of the sandal."
"I swear I saw God."
- LakotaGrl
Giphy
"My freshman year of college I jumped off my half-lofted bed straight into my computer charger. I didn't make a noise because my roommate was sleeping, but it hurt so bad."
"It was a circular plug and took a giant chuck out of my skin."
"I've stepped on tacks, needles, and glass before but this was definitely the worst of all of those because of how blunt the edges are."
- eyetis
Munch
"Accidentally biting a chunk off the inside of your cheek whilst eating."
- GLucey
"Biting so hard it crunches."
- Sandpaper_Pants
Giphy"Or lower lip.. then biting the same spot multiple times while it’s swollen and trying to heal."
- Tdawwg78
Bump
"The only thing in existence that hurts more than stepping on a LEGO is getting hit in the ankle with the side of a scooter."
- Humble_Wonder937
Giphy"My little sister is a monster and bangs her stainless steel scooter into my feet on purpose because she thinks me wailing in pain is funny."
"I want to throw out that scooter so bad, but my parents will probably buy her another one."
- CrypticWeirdo9105
"Metal in this scenario sucks too."
- RussianTanks
Man's best saboteur
"Stepping on a hard dog chew that has the ability to roll at 3 a.m on the way to the bathroom."
- notsleptyet
Giphy"My dog has a knack for chewing her hard toys into sharp little f'ked up torture devices, and likes to carry them anywhere and everywhere around the house with her.
"So anyways, I don’t flop into bed face first anymore."
- misplacedvegetation
"YES, because you can also stub your toe on it, those suckers are HARD, and THEN step on it!!"
"Adds injury to injury, instead of insult to injury 😆"
- rhendon46
Weaponized toys
"No one ever talks about stepping on Jacks. Those caltrop looking things."
- Nuclear_Mouse
Carlos. E. Serrano/Getty Images
"How about stepping on actual caltrops, meaning the plant? First time I ever did that it hurt so bad I broke out in a cold sweat."
- JuzoItami
"I have a 2-year-old, 4-year-old, a dog and a kitten. Yup."
- p0atato
These all sound pretty painful.
Do you have anything to add to the list?
So I did what anyone would do and freaked out screaming til the neighbors came to help.
They took ages, so I was already waist-deep in the water holding my dumb dog by her scruff while she snarled and flailed at the ducks.
She was a shih-tzu and absolutely had angry small luxurious dog syndrome.
So the neighbors come running out to me standing in the water screaming, bleeding from the mouth, holding a clearly possessed demon dog in the air with one hand while fending off a duck, who was now furious and trying to murder us both, with the other.
Reddit user TehHooman asked:
"What is the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?"
I needed another 2 weeks of rest after that.
That is the story of one of my dumbest injuries - and also the story of the time my parents got CPS called on them for my "suspicious rituals."
Parenting kid-me was a trip.
Wrong Hand
fire hand GIFGiphy"Wanted to get a pizza out of the oven. Put one glove on. Grabbed the baking tray with the other hand."
-firedexo
"I did something similar."
"I had a glove on, but the pizza was stuck so I was trying to push it up from the bottom, ended up sticking my hand all the way into the oven (with mitt) and hit the front of the rack with my arm right where the mitt ended. Now I've got a big ol' scar on my arm."
-rainbowequalsgay
"Baker of 5 years. I've done this so many times it now takes a bit more time for the burn to hit me."
-SteakJesus
"Had the same once, opened the oven with the glove and pulled the tray out with the hand without glove"
-julia_demmings
Low Calcium?
"I was running once and broke my pelvis. I didn’t fall or crash into anything, my pelvis just broke."
-zor998
"Is your pelvis made of cheese?!"
-ZaryaBubbler
"Dude, cheese actually contains calcium."
-LaComtesseGonflable
"I broke my foot on two different occasions just walking. In both cases, I had been walking normally for several minutes in sensible shoes on unremarkable surfaces without issue and then suddenly my foot was broken."
"We figured out later that my ankle was really prone to rolling suddenly because I'd sprained it so many times playing soccer. And it rolled in precisely the right way to make me land hard on the weakest bone in the foot."
-hobbitfeet
"Serves you right for running…"
-ChaosRubix
Careful
fireworks GIFGiphy"When I was 10, we had one of those hand-held fireworks that shoots in intervals."
"Mine stopped after 3 shots, so I looked into the hole to see if there were any more in there."
"There were."
-MyHeroRemedy
"My grandfather, in his 30s, did the same thing. Except it was with a mortar style firework."
"It obliterated half his face- lost his right eye, half his skull was rebuilt with plastic, and half his face was noticeably lower than the other half."
"But hey, he was an alcoholic and that made him quit drinking the rest of his 80-year-long life. Silver linings."
-Neither_Beaver
"We had something like that at a family party once. It was in the ground and would shoot fireworks into the air at intervals. But it flipped over and started spinning as it shot fireworks out in all directions. I remember seeing my family members running away from it."
-SwansonHOPS
"Roman candles! Almost did this to myself as well, thought all the shots were off, was just tilting it up to vertical when the last one went up."
"Took a lock of my hair off and I couldn’t see for about 30 seconds cuz it passed right in front of my eyes, but I was physically okay"
-kharmatika
Sharper
"Thought sharpening my fingers using a pencil sharpener could give me those sharp nails. It did not."
-two_ate_nine
"How’d you even manage to fit it inside? I’ve tried to do that before but I could never get my finger in far enough."
-SkepticalSpiderboi
"I happen to have a skinny finger and I was about 6 or so, sooooo……"
-two_ate_nine
"Start with one of those pencil sharpeners that's has the outer disk with multiple sizes of hole to accommodate multiple sizes of pencil, from extra small to extra, extra large."
"Rotate the guide disk to the largest hole position, which should accommodate the smallest finger of a child with ease."
"Insert finger. Turn crank. Regret"
-HandsOnGeek
"I came here to say this. I really wanted to be like cat woman. I didn't get very far at least."
-wrathdeltorro
Plate to Face
Baby Pours Plate Of Pasta Straight Onto Her Face GIF by ViralHogGiphy"Sitting on the couch eating dinner."
"The plate was resting on the armrest and I was cutting the food. I pressed down a little to hard on the side of the plate towards me which was hanging over the arm rest."
"The plate flipped up, hit me in the bridge of the nose and cut me. So I was covered in food with blood running down my face."
"The plate was really heavy and just wrecked my face. It was totally unharmed in this encounter"
-ThrowMeYourPics
"I made some ramen one day and carried the pot back to my desk and I didn't quite get the pot fully onto my desk."
"When I sat down I bumped the desk and the boiling hot liquid went right into my lap."
"I just had boxers on. That was a fun one"
-Spczippo
Handstands
"4 weeks ago I did a handstand in my room."
"Now I have a broken nose, 10 stitches on my face, had nasal surgery with packing and splints."
"It’s been a time 👍"
-nevermyrrh
"Learning go how to fall out of a bad head or handstand is really important before you do one, for this reason."
"Its about knowing how to not panic and drop yourself basically."
"Human brains are dumb as f*ck and without training this is exactly what happens. Hope your face heals well."
-kharmatika
Puppy Love
"I bent down to pet my dog and he moved his head up to greet me."
"Bashed me in the nose and I had a black eye for a week or 2."
- its_justme
"As a dog trainer I can guarantee that this happens way more than you think!"
"You're lucky not to break your skin open or break your nose as I've seen/had happen 🤣"
- Spookywanluke
"My brothers dog did the same."
"Dog jumped up as brother was bending down to grab something. Puppy-skull got him right under the chin."
"Broke his jaw, he lost 4 teeth on the bottom and broke the top 2 pretty badly. He was spitting his teeth out and all the pieces."
"My brother got to the ER and was asking if his dog was okay, he didn’t want him to feel bad for what happened lol."
"He just has a big old pit bull ‘noggin."
- punkishblob
Into The Ocean
Black And White Swimming GIFGiphy"When I was a kid we had blue carpet in the living room."
"I had just watched some movie or show where the characters jumped into a painting and I started thinking maybe if I believed really hard, the blue carpet would turn into a vast ocean."
"So I climbed up on the recliner and swan dove into the floor."
- LavendAimm
"Okay but what was the plan if this worked? The open ocean isn't a great place for a child."
- Some-Band2225
Wifey Shot Me
"Stood behind my wife at the shooting range."
"She just loaded and latched her Derringer and it slipped before she could half cock it. Hit the ground directly on the hammer which caused it to misfire a .22 hollow point round directly into the center of my right shin."
"It could have been much worse."
"I mean, it shattered my tibia and got lodged in a thousand tiny pieces in my bone and calf muscle so I was on crutches for about a year."
"It also caused multiple blood clots in my leg from the healing process and my leg being stationary for so long which was scary."
"Again, it could have been much much worse."
"If it hit about 8 inches higher or lower I'd be without full funtion of either an ankle or a knee."
"Higher up the hits go past the knee and could have (and probably would have) been much much worse. Like life threatening worse "
"10/10 don't recommend getting shot anywhere at all if you can avoid it though."
- Shwiggity_schwag
Soup Noodles
"When I was 17 I made some soup which had short straight bits of pasta in it."
"I was cleaning the pot and some of the pasta was dried and stuck to the bottom, somehow one of the pasta pieces got lodged under my fingernail. I was walking around my kitchen yelling from the pain and when I tried to pull out the noodle, it snapped."
"I then had my mother trying to get bits out with a needle. It was one of the most painful things that’s ever happened to me so I gave up and left it for a few days."
"Obviously it got very infected."
"I could barely move my finger. I went to the doctors and they made me get ultrasound to make sure it didn’t damage my nail bed - it didn’t luckily but the technician said it was the weirdest injury she’s ever had to ultrasound"
- slugz1
So now that you know how clumsy and totally lacking in self preservation Reddit is, are you feeling a little better about yourself?
We absolutely are.
No offense to you, Reddit - but it's not like you didn't already know you were a hot mess.
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But that doesn't mean small injuries can't be painful. For example, a stubbed toe doesn't necessarily mean it's broken, but it sure can feel like it.
Curious to hear about our pain threshold, Redditor lawyeratyourservice asked:
"What minor injury hurts like a mf?"
Our extremities take the hit.
A Crippling Pain
"Plantar fasciitis - like walking on hot broken glass."
– BoilermkrDH
Excruciating Impact
"Getting hit in the ankle by a skateboard."
– Gregbot3000
Wrong Place And Time
"Pinching your finger in the door."
– LurkingAintEazy
Practically Hitting Bone
"hitting your shin bone on anything."
– Feels2old
Stupid Table
"Hitting your knee on a table. The pain crescendo is real and then it goes away."
– soline
The causes of pain we can't see are just as bad as the ones that are more visible.
Trapped Gas
"Gas pains."
– chrs_trnr
"I’ll never forget how one of my husband’s friends had horrible gas pains and went to the ER thinking it was some horrible GI issue like an appendix rupture or pancreatic issue. It turned out to be gas. He said it was the most expensive fart ever."
– SweetSoundOfSilence
Nasal Nightmare
"That f'king ingrown hair or zit or whatever right inside the tip of your nose."
– rfs103181
It Creeps Up And Won't Let Go
"Leg cramps."
– PegasoZ102
"One night I dreamt I was running upstairs when in mid-stride I was struck with a excruciating leg cramp causing me to fall backwards. I woke up with that cramp and in attempting to untangle myself from my blankets I fell out of the bed."
– jmmorart317
Holy Cramp!
"I had an arch cramp while getting it on one time, and that brought festivities to a close instantaneously."
– Gaijinloco
Wearing a helmet full-time is suddenly not a bad idea.
Stupid Cabinet Door
"When you hit your head on the bottom of an open cabinet door."
– R12356
The Resulting Reaction
"Any time I hit my head, I am immediately and automatically angry. Like that particular pain just pisses me off. Don’t worry, I direct it all inward. Lol. It’s all on me. I just really hate hitting my head."
– marvelous_much
These painful moments are hardly funny.
Who's Laughing Anyway?
"Funnybone. Not so funny."
– purenergy12
It's So Stubborn
"Hangnail."
– ZealousidealAd5679
"Or when you peel it back too far."
– Mo0nPilot
The Biggest Offender
"When you tell a joke and nobody laughes."
– Ordinary-Freedom7193
Coincidentally, I'm writing about pain as I'm suffering from the tiniest splinter lodged in my left thumb.
Fortunately, I never hit the space bar with my left thumb, so I've forgotten about it...until my harpooned thumb made contact with my mug's handle when I went to get a refill.
I won't be needing an energy boost from my coffee at the moment as my heart is racing from my tiny injury.
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"What was the most painful moment of your life?"
Medical procedures and ailments were at the top of the list as some of the most painful experiences.
Gezhundeit
"Sneezing after corrective thoracic surgery with fluid in my lungs. Everything went dark for a second. After that I could suddenly surpress sneezes (most of the time)."
– kerter19
F'k Cancer
"Being diagnosed with cancer twice."
"For anyone wondering I was diagnosed with stage 2A Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin's Lymphoma both times. I am and have been in remission for about 5 months."
"For anyone fighting KEEP FIGHTING!"
– N0tch0
This Really Sucked
"Had a catheter inserted into my calf to suck out bloodclots, I had to be mostly coherent in case the doctor needed me to respond to him. My heart rate went from about 65bpm to 140bpm when he was inserting it... I never want to experience that kind of pain ever again."
– spartanleaves
Metal Halo
"My max pain was when being fitted with a metal halo for a brain MRI. The 4 screws on the halo had to actually contact my skull bones and poke slightly into them. The staff first injected liberal amounts of Novocain into the 4 locations, then quickly tightened the screws. Even with the Novocain, the pain of having screws inserted directly into skull bones was excruciating. It softened after about 15 seconds later as the drugs took effect, but that first 15 seconds is quite memorable."
– peter4256home
Severe Infection
"Wisdom tooth rot. Coupled with some kind of nerve pain. Plus for the removal, the doc said I needed antibiotics for 3-4 days to remove the infection before he could do the surgery."
"My experience with pain isn't a lot. But Ive had dislocated shoulders, elbows, had a broken ankle, 3-4 times terrible gastro pain. And i dealt with them fine enough. No biggie."
"But persistent tooth nerve pain was, holy sh*t, like nothing I've ever experienced ever. As a 30 year old dude, all i could do was just lie face down on my pillow and cry."
– derphighbury
"Physical pain - Kidney Stone."
"Though in comparison to holding my father's hand while he breathed his last breath (esophageal cancer) . . . I'd rather have had a few more Kidney Stones."
– PhesteringSoars
These people experienced emotional trauma.
Losing A Best Friend
"When I was in my early twenties, my best friend committed suicide. I couldn't even sit inside at her funeral because I was crying too hard and loudly. It's been twenty years, and I still think about her a lot and get triggered at random things that remind me of her."
– Madermis
Sham Marriage
"I caught my wife in an affair and it totally broke me, but the worst part was when I found out that the affair was longer than our marriage and that none of the children were mine. Just kinda woke up one day and found out my entire adult life was a lie. She settled down with him in a nice little house they bought while she was still married to me. He dumped her because he couldn't deal with the kids."
– Ayback183
Salt On The Wound
"Finding my husband in bed, doing the deed with my friend. He left me for her."
"His death in a car crash 6 months later, leaving my 3 kids (all under 8 years old) without a father."
"Having to deal with her grief at the funeral."
"Being abandoned by his family while they supported her emotionally and financially while my kids had no help from them."
– TigerTrue
Unfortunate circumstances led to painful injuries, and even worse, death.
Waterpark Incident
"I fell over at a Turkish waterpark, knocking my 2 front teeth clean out of my mouth. For the next 20mins they shoved a hose in my face to wash the constant bleeding."
"The teeth are probably still in the pool today."
– Luksin
Bad Impact
"I got a chip in my tooth after being kicked into a pool railing as a kid. I can't even imagine how painful it must be to lose two whole teeth."
– meavisconti
Game Gone Wrong
"Had the pleasure of getting 7 teeth kicked out of my head by some clowns playing 'the knock out game'. Waking up with my jaw broken, skull fractured and several broken ribs to the sight of my teeth laying around me on the ground was pretty memorable. Doctors poked my teeth back in and wired my broken jaw shut. Teeth survived and still functional 25 years later. They’re much more crooked though."
"Getting your teeth knocked loose is definitely a unique type of pain. I didn’t notice the broken bones until after gathering my teeth up. When I tried to fit them back into my mouth is when I realized my jaw was broken. After that the rib and skull fractures became apparent."
– G00DW0LF
Fatal Rupture
"The death of my girlfriend. We were in the shower, she stepped out, said, 'Oh God,' falling back into the shower, I caught her but she died of an aneryusm."
– f1shermark1
The worst physical pain I felt was from my first severe sun poisoning from when I went tubing for four hours in Arizona.
I had no idea I was allergic to the sun screen my friends gave me, and I liberally sprayed my entire body with it.
During the lazy river excursion, I noticed my arms were as red as a cooked lobster. Later that night, my arms had swelled to almost twice the size and when I bent my arm, the skin ruptured and a significant amount of clear liquid poured out from the opening.
To describe the sensation as painful was an understatement.
The combination of sun poisoning and the sun block ruined me for life, and to this day, I can't have direct UV exposure for more than 30 minutes.
So, yeah, the sun is not my friend.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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