Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you don't quite measure up to your own expectation, even if you've had successes in life?
You're not alone, and that notion of feeling like a failure is referred to as Imposter Syndrome.
People wanting to avoid being associated with Imposter Syndrome, or "perceived fraudulence," try even harder to succeed but never achieve their impossibly unattainable benchmarks in life.
Seeking advice from strangers online, Redditor FossaRed asked those who might be familiar with the phenomenon the following question:
"'Impostor syndrome' is persistent feeling that causes someone to constantly doubt themselves and their abilities, despite evidence, and fear that they may be exposed as a fraud. Reddit, do you feel this way about work or school? How do you overcome it, if at all?"
Although everyone has different strategies, there were good points made that could apply to one's specific mental hurdles.
Helpful Tip
"One of the best advice I have received about imposter syndrome is that it all comes from comparing yourself to others. Don't compare your blooper reel to someone else's highlight reel."
– kitskill
Powering Through It
"Haha, f'kin daily, my dude."
"I don't know if I really overcome it. I power through it and ignore it, but that self-doubt is always there. Any misstep reinforces it."
– Keksis_theBetrayed
Accentuating The Positive
"Jesus, that's my entire day in a nutshell."
"One thing about imposter syndrome for me is that I end up working twice as hard as anyone else. The sense of not feeling like I deserve this just pushes me to work harder and submit higher quality work when compared to my peers. So I suppose there's an upside to it , since I never take what I have for granted, I never slack off and submit bad work."
– jhwyung
Jumping to conclusions when being called by a boss for a meeting was common among these Redditors.
Prepared For Termination
"I had to tell my boss to text me that I wasn't in for discipline when he sent those messages. I always think I'm gonna get fired when I'm called there. Never happens. Haven't had a discipline meeting in 10 years."
– pnwinec
The Surprise Twist
"I got a call telling me that I needed to come down to headquarters two hours away to have a talk. What was the soonest I could come?"
"I made time to go down that week. Stressed. Mentally preparing for the worst."
"They wanted to thank me for all of the great work I had done and wanted me to become an owner along with the two of them."
– Lifesagame81
Confusing Review
"Whenever I have a review or some such at work (yearly, quarterly, whatever) I think 'this is the day they drop the axe' but they always tell me I'm doing good and to keep it up."
"Like, really, you're sure this is my review? Do you know who I am? So they give me another client and a raise. I don't get it; of all the f'ked-up things management does, this is the most inexplicable."
– TheBelhade
These Redditors recalled thinking they had no business being in an enviable position.
Shaking Hands With A Legend
"Without going into details, I found myself at a small private event shaking hands with Paul McCartney being thanked for the work I did getting the event off the ground, so to speak."
"I'm standing in the room with the fruits of my labours (objectively I know I did a good job looking back on it) and all I can think is sir I am a poor dude in an ill fitting suit, what business do I have shaking your hand."
– ayoungtommyleejones
Meeting A Prime Minister
"I also experienced this impostor syndrome a few times before. Once, I met the Prime Minister of Peru, some cabinet ministers, senators and high ranking Generals."
"The whole time I kept thinking: what the f'k am I doing here? i post memes in Reddit."
– NuevoPeru
A Leading Expert
"I'm the same."
"Professionals in my field contact me regularly to ask me questions. Each time I think 'This time, someone is going to figure out that I have no idea what I am talking about.'"
"It turns out that in my field I am one of the leading practitioners, but half the time I am wandering around in dazed bewilderment wondering how the bloody hell I got here."
-- UncleHeavy
Altering perspectives seemed to be an advantageous tactic.
It's Not Real
"I took the horseshoe approach: I realized everything is fake. It came back around to normalcy."
– DrinksPondScum
Minimizing A Stigma
"I think people have a really negative perception of 'fake it till you make it' as some how being disingenuous or deceitful. But as you point out realizing everyone else is faking it while you are faking does help the world to feel normal."
"It does begin to become terrifying when you realize that like everyone is faking it to a degree, but it is a comforting terror."
– Nrussg
According To One With A PhD
"Worked with a PhD holder a few years ago that once said, 'when you get your Bachelor's Degree, you think you know everything. When you get your Master's, you discover that you don't know anything. When you go for your Doctorate, you realize nobody else does, either.'"
"I try to keep that perspective."
– just_some_a--hole
I haven't personally experienced Imposter Syndrome but I understand how perfectionists are especially hard on themselves when they think they haven't reached a benchmark in their lives that should be much higher, according to them.
I would offer that they should take a moment and look back and realize how far they've come to get to where they are now.
Not everyone's accomplishments are the same, which is why I believe comparing yourself to others on social media is a dangerous trap.
Focusing on the accomplishments thus far might be the best motivator without exerting too much pressure on yourself.
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People Break Down Their Best 'I Don't Know, I Didn't Think I'd Get This Far' Experiences
The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.
By simply putting one foot in front of the other, weathering the chaos of not knowing what's happening as you learn as fast as possible, we can find ourselves further than we expected.
Once we're there, reaping the fruits of all our "faking," we somehow begin to take on a new identity in people's eyes They assume we've always been in control and known what was going on. They defer to us for advice.
But that couldn't be further from the truth. So we keep on faking it.
Redditor espectro11 asked:
"What's your 'I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far' moment?"
Many Redditors discussed their experiences navigating the intimidating environment of job applications, interviews, and offers.
Oh Right, Getting Paid
"I gave my resume to fancy private school (I'm a teacher, but new to the field) and I didn't expect a call back. But they called me today to ask my expected salary and I said 'I don't know what the average is. Let me Google it.' "
"Ya girl was not prepared."
Uhhhh, Uhhhhh
"When I went for a walk-in interview looking like crap and they hired me on the spot. I get they were hiring for a new store, but they up and said 'if you want the job it's yours, when can you start?' "
"Deada** didn't think I'd make it that far."
-- NewtNeutral
Outside the Box
"Years ago I was applying to a bunch of copywriting jobs and feeling frustrated because I wasnt hearing back from any of the places I was applying to."
"It was especially frustrating because I was putting in all this time on cover letters and I felt like nobody was even reading them, so I said, 'Fu** it, I'm gonna write one that is more me.' I thought it was a dumb idea and never imagined that it would work, but somehow it did."
"I applied with this cover letter and the subject line "Copywriter: Will Work for Beer" to a job that I was very underqualified for. It managed to catch the eye of the headhunter for the ad agency and was enough to get me an interview. Shortly after that I was hired and ended up working there for a few years, but I remember thinking on my first day, 'I can't believe that actually worked.' "
-- -eDgAR-
Just Not the Right Fit
"An interview at Google. The 20 years younger than me was describing the peer review system."
"I responded with 'Jesus, that sounds awful.' "
"I did not get the job."
Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Others also shared experiences that centered on their working lives. But these stories weren't about being hired or interviewed.
These were accounts of long-developing success stories that they never would have predicted.
A Winding Road
"My entire legal career"
"I have four degrees and a 10 year career in commerical litigation. I just wrapped up a $200mil trusts lawsuit."
"I started at uni doing theatre and stand up comedy. I have no fu**ing idea where I turned to get here."
-- lawyerlady
Big Fish
"Started at a very small company doing sales straight out of college. I went about messaging big corporate players (who obviously would never do business with us since our size) and was laughed at by my new colleagues for even trying."
"2 weeks later My boss was asking me what we (a team of 6) should say on the conference call with Toshiba Buyers."
-- TheBFG420
Putting Fires Out
"Me at work. I feel like every issue that comes up has me unprepared. But I am always praised for my good work."
"So, I assume I have imposter syndrome and keep doing what I am doing."
-- 47-Rambaldi
Others shared their experiences wondering into pretty serious romantic commitments.
Under Your Nose
"When I realized I've been in a stable relationship for 4 years and people start asking when we're getting engaged."
-- eggpantemoji
And the Rest is History
"I moved in with an old friend from high school, got horny one night and we slept together, and now we're married. We're discussing having children and I'm like, didn't think it would go this far lmao"
-- Hereatrandom
A Place of Their Own
"When me and my fiancé moved into our own apartment together (we'd actually lived together with my moms, his mom and my siblings for a year but that's a long story) anyway I didn't really know what to do because I had never fully considered it as a option- as something he'd want to do. Domestic life was domestic confusing."
Plenty Happens
"Single and renting at 30yrs old with a cat and no light at the end of the tunnel to 40yrs old with FIVE 3yo goldfish, FOUR chickens, THREE humans, TWO dogs and ONE house."
"Life's not short. Life's fu**ing long. A lot happens. Make the best of it."
-- ipsdirtleg
So next time you find yourself ruling a possibility out completely, maybe take just a few seconds to imagine it actually occurred and prepare.
You just never know.