Redditor SzyMeX335 wanted to hear about the shockingly stupid things people take as truth.
"What is the dumbest thing people actually thought is real?"
I have lost the thread when it comes to humans. We're dumb. The end.
That's Matt
Ridley Scott Nyff 2015 GIF by Film at Lincoln CenterGiphy"When we went to see the Martian in theaters, at the end some woman behind us told her friend, “I can’t believe I missed this. When did this happen?'"
amccutchan14
5G
"I was told a great story by a friend who attended a town meeting addressing the locals 5G mast concerns. In attendance was a representative from the network company."
"A selection of people were permitted to take the mic and rant for hours about how they'd all been getting headaches, feeling more low than usual, flowers had been wilting, their dog wasn't himself, all manner of things blamed on 5G."
"Several hours later after everyone had their say and the crowd of hundreds had been whipped into a fever the company representative had his turn to speak and simply said 'thank you everyone for your comments but we haven't turned it on yet.'"
IndividualDot9604
Bombing the Air
"'The rain follows the plow.' In the 1800s American West this was everywhere. The idea was that agriculture would bring rain and make farming super easy. Supposedly, when grasslands were turned into cultivated fields, the soil would release moisture into the air. Then human activity like factories or trains would make vibrations that formed rain clouds. Eventually the idea expanded to straight-up bombing the air with dynamite on kites."
Puzzleworth
Reductions
"A lot of people fall for the scams around a company selling you a device you plug into an outlet in your home and it 'reduces your electricity bill.' You'd honestly be surprised how many people have paid money for these and even swear by them even though it's 100% snake oil and incredibly dumb to think it would do anything."
360_face_palm
Fry 'Em
iphone GIFGiphy"That fake ad for apple phones getting the capability to charge via microwaving. Buncha people put their iPhones in their microwaves and fried 'em."
theskepticalpizza
Microwaving IPhones? At those prices?! Oh Lord.
Calm Down
mess reverse GIF by Jordan FisherGiphy"Ripping the tag off of the mattress. I accidentally ripped one while moving, the movers said i'd go to jail, so I hid in my room. I was about 5."
Sheriff___Bart
The Yank
"Those wrist bands that 'give you energy.'"
Valuable-Raccoon-734I
"I wanted to see what the scam was once in a mall where they were selling these. They first yank on your arm throwing you off balance easily."
"Then they put on the bracelet and yank on your arm again and you are magically steady as a rock. The impression is strong until you realize all that happened was that you were not caught off guard and were able to anticipate the force that was about to be applied and unconsciously braced for the yank."
Independent-Bike8810
Research Says...
"Posts that start with 'Science says/Psychology says... etc.' without the actual research study links."
Fu*aseGeiCactus
"Even with a link, half misunderstand the article or make wildly exaggerated claims (no, curing something in mice doesn't mean it will be possible to do the same with humans, it's not even that likely the research will apply to humans, but we can't do that research to humans so we use mice)."
"That and research articles whose results cannot be replicated."
FirstSurvivor
Oh Mickey!
"That dumba** video people keep posting of a delivery woman dropping off a package, then reading a tear off pad of paper (that's coincidentally big enough for the security camera to read) that asks her to open the package she just delivered and dress up in the Mickey Mouse costume to surprise their son (who is going to be home any minute) for his birthday when he gets off the bus. Delivery drivers are peeing in Gatorade bottles. Like hell they're going to take the time to do all that."
manderifffic
Seriously?
Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves GifsGiphy"Beanie babies as an investment strategy."
Babyfart_McGeezacks
"That picture of a divorced couple splitting up their beanie baby collection in the courtroom cracks me up."
Rambo2090
Car Lights
"I thought it was illegal to keep the lights on in the car until I was like 14."
"My parents are liars lmao 🤣"
Practical_Past1626
"We were leaving my mum’s place and I had the lights on in the back for the kids, and my mum was like “isn’t that illegal?” My mum only taught me that because she believed that too. Multi-generational lie."
elsharpo
Kid Gloves
"Babies feel no pain and they believed that until the 1970's so they would experiment on babies up until then because they didnt feel pain. Scary."
Mastercoolgr
"A pediatric anesthesiologist once told me that anesthesia wasn't used on infants (pre 1980 or so) because there was a good chance of killing the kids with too many meds."
"Anesthesia as a field of study is really quite young. If you were doing surgery on an infant you could go without anesthesia and hope they don't remember or you could give it to them and risk killing them (or permanent brain injury)."
It was only a few decades prior that adults were in the same boat. Bite the stick and hope you pass out."
justhappen2banexpert
I don't have the words. Oh, I do... "I give up."
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comment below.
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
They asked:
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
Cents
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126
tyler labine penny GIF by HULUGiphyThe Cells
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
Striking_Yoghurt_690
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
Bad Wheel
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
ofsquire
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
cardew-vascular
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
Mulberry0
YOU
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
ofsquire
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
Smoopiebear
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
WantToBeBetterAtSex
Hello?
“The lights are on but no one’s home.”
Lovemesomecarrots
season 1 s1 GIF by Dream Corp LLCGiphyOk... some of this is some good comedy.
Or Puppet...
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391
The Muppet Show Muppets GIFGiphyVanilla?
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
Pokeybumfun
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
ElegantEagle13
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
00192737292
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
accomplished_loaf
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
thefuzzybunny1
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
thxitsthedepression
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
ferox965
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
one_angry_custodian
Space
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_Blues
Excited Aww GIF by TikTokGiphyNot all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
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Or turn the relationship into a "Dateline NBC" episode.
I have really heard it all when discussing the reasons for straying outside of a relationship. The fact that some people try to sell their madness with a straight face is commendable. But why do it? If you're not happy... leave.
Redditor u/OneAttention2623 wanted to hear about all the best excuses we've been fed from partners about being a lowdown, dirty, scandalous cheat, by asking:
What is The Dumbest Excuse An Ex Has Given You For Cheating?
It just happened. That one is a favorite. Like it was magic or destiny.
Huh?
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"My ex-husband said these exact words to me. "It wasn't anything to do with you. You were never supposed to know." Freaking f**ker!"
"just a friend"
"I didn't wanna break your heart by dumping you. And you thought cheating would be LESS hurtful???? Forget you, Jess. I only found out because her secret boyfriend unexpectedly showed up at our house one night. She went ghost-pale, swore up-and-down that he was "just a friend" and then HE told me then had been doing/dating for several weeks. Who knows how many OTHER guys she was with behind my back over the 10 years we were together."
Angel of Mercy...
"I thought he had cancer."
"Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry, but it's cancer. It's in your liver now, but we can assume it will metastasize and move throughout your body. There aren't many treatment options that are available to us that stand much of a chance of working."
"Unless... and this is quite unorthodox... but preliminary studies show that freaking u/dreaminggod05*'s significant other may increase your chances of remission by nearly 69%. After all,* u/dreaminggod05 shows no signs of cancer at all, and we have to assume that benefit must be transmitted sexually. The contact info is available on nearly any restroom wall, but I'll write it down for you before you leave."
2 Psychopaths
"I don't owe you an explanation." She cheated on me with my own damned older brother. That was my first serious relationship, y'all. He and I had already been estranged for a few years. It's what happens when you lie to the cops about your mother beating you with an electrical cord and then pull a buck knife on your little brother and tell him you'll assault him with it if he ever talks to you again"
- MC_Crit
LOLOLOLOL
Season 2 Lol GIF by FriendsGiphy"My friend's girlfriend told him that she "forgot she wasn't single anymore" lmfao."
I don't know where to begin. This mess is even beyond Oprah, Brené Brown, Iyanla and Dr. Phil. Just stay single.
You Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"He said that it was my fault that he cheated because I raised his confidence so much and he figured if he could get me he could get other girls and he decided to test that theory. A lot."
Eyes Closed
"I was sleep walking."
"There was an episode of "House" where a woman was wondering why her ex who lived in the same complex thinks she wanted him back. When House tells her she's pregnant it turns out she was going to his apartment and was having sex with him in her sleep. I don't remember how it ended because it was just the side plot that led him to figure out the main story."
it's probably not yours…
"When I found out she cheated on me and I asked why, she said "I thought you were going to say we should take a break." When I asked her if the kid was mine or his, she said "it's probably not yours… it could be his or his room mates', to be honest." And that's the magical combination from a fiancé that will send you into depression."
- k0uch
The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
History is littered with unsolved mysteries. Whether those answers are buried somewhere or lost forever, it doesn't stop people from wondering or hypothesizi...You'll love her!
"Hey so I've been meaning to bring this up but I'm actually interested in a poly relationship even though we've been together for years and I've never once mentioned it. You'll love her!" Meanwhile he tried to cut me off from all my male friends. I know quite a few poly people, and see how it works for them, which just added to the bull factor."
Fly Away
thevoiceau stank GIF by The Voice AustraliaGiphy"I only had one man cheated on me in my life and that's my ex-husband. And he basically frame it as, "My butterflies for you has flown to her." What more other explanation do I need right? Makes sense..."
Like a Virgin
"I was not a virgin previous to the relationship, so it was not fair that she had not had sex with someone else."
- ehren123
"My ex bf broke up with me for the same reason when previously we were making plans for the future. And when he found out that other women's vaginas aren't more magical than mine he tried to come back to me lol. But at least he did break up instead of cheat."
Be Natural
"Humans are not naturally monogamous. It doesn't make sense for us to be monogamous, so you really can't blame me for acting naturally."
- moonchz
"I had one similar to this, who told me that the expectation that women not cheat was part of the patriarchy and by expecting her not to, I was being abusive and controlling."
It hurt but I forgave her.
"I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because "clearly I don't care about her since I didn't get that mad." I wasn't as forgiving the second time, broke some sh*t in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now."
Daughters
"I had postpartum depression after my third daughter. My daughters were four, three and one when he slept with my neighbor. He said I emotionally pushed him away 🤔."
"Maybe you did. It would be normal and understandable of you had; three small children and depression would make it very difficult to cater to your husband's needs. So, a decent, unselfish and loving husband would understand the stress and difficulty you're experiencing, and would step up to take care of you and the kids while you recuperate, and would make an effort to maintain the emotional connection between the two of you. What an utter failure at being a husband."
Mud
"He didn't "cherish" me. He knew he promised to in his vows but he didn't do it. We divorced in 2012 after 30 years together and he passed a year ago. I'm bittersweet about the whole thing. That man made a mud hole out of my heart by the time I was done."
"best interests"
"You're too emotional and she was giving me advice about you." And "Well I'm much happier now." it's been a year and I'm still seriously f*cked up about it."
"I just posted about mine who said some similar bullsh*t about how she was giving him advice about me. He actually tried to tell me that she had my "best interests" at heart and was doing me a "favor." Yeah, sure."
"This witch I've never met (but who knew I existed and was with my partner) was really looking out for me by jumping on my partner's penis and then sexting him constantly afterward. It's been over a year for me and I'm still messed up about it too. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like that, or gaslighted afterward with such absurd, blame-shifting excuses."
I'm Alone
Nbc Idk GIF by Good GirlsGiphy"My Cousin's ex wife cheated on him with her personal trainer and told my cousin it was his fault because he didn't go to the gym with her."
Comfort
"Oooh... I've got a good story about this. I thought something shady was going on with an ex and her work colleague. I asked her about it and she denied it. Then I got confirmation from another friend who also worked with her. He said she was with this dude on the side."
"So I confront her again and asked why she lied when I asked her about this colleague before and also asked why she was cheating. She said whatever she was doing was between her and work colleague, and so it was none of my business. That's why she didn't have to tell me."
Make a Wish
fire birthday GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"It's my birthday too. During the summer after high school (UK) so was 16, got with a gal who had the same birthday as me unknowingly which was quite funny tbh. Fast forward to her birthday party her family threw for her and invited a bunch of friends, I'll never forget walking up the stairs to see them making out. Was the worst birthday I'd ever had."
- Jazs1994
No Chairs
"Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. Girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work "because of lack of chairs."
I give people points for comedy and ingenuity but come on. I hope in these divorces the scorned took the cheater for EVERYTHING! I would.
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